Chapter Text
You would think that finding your soulmate would be an impossible challenge. In a world of billions of people, 6 populated continents and immense oceans to separate them, finding the one person destined for you should be impossible.
Despite this, not finding your soulmate was in fact very rare. Scientists and philosophers have tried come up with different explanations as to why this is, some even say it might be possible that people have more than one soulmate.
Whichever the reason, finding her soulmate wasn’t something Quinn was particularly interested in thinking about. It stressed her out, made her nervous. She was sure that with her luck she would either: never find her soulmate, or: not like what she found.
She knew that logically; the latter shouldn’t be an issue. The whole idea of soulmates revolved around the concept of two people who were a perfect match. She’d never heard of anyone who was unsatisfied with their match.
Still, she was sure that the universe would manage to fuck it up in some way. Her older sister, the perfect daughter, had had everything happen the way it was supposed to. She’d graduated from high school with great grades, went off to a reputable university where she’d met her soulmate during the first semester. She had now graduated from university, bought a house and was expecting her first child. Without doubt: Quinn’s parents were over the moon.
When thinking about her own soulmate, Quinn had the feeling that something terrible was waiting to happen. She just knew she was going to make her parents disappointed in some way. Besides, it all seemed rather unpleasant. Once you’ve found your soulmate, a bond is formed which lets you feel the other person’s pain. Why would anyone want that? Wasn’t there already enough pain to go around?
No, Quinn didn’t want to think about her soulmate, but that didn’t stop her soulmate from thinking about her.
Rachel couldn’t wait to meet her soulmate. For her, it was all a part of the grand plan to the fabulous life she knew she was destined for.
She already knew that she would wake up on the morning of her 18th birthday to find a beautiful mark on her body. A mark that, at the sound of her soulmate’s voice, would light up in colors and make her complete. She would move to New York, become a Broadway star and have a bunch of tiny tap dancing children.
She wasn’t too worried about who it would be, she knew she would love them no matter what.
A few weeks into the first semester of her final year in high school, Quinn finally turned 18. She’d been dreading this day for a long time, and had trouble falling asleep the night before, constantly trying to feel if there was a tingling somewhere that announced the arrival of her mark.
By the time she finally managed to sleep it was already past 2 in the morning. She only got to sleep for 2 hours before she felt the skin of her right ankle burn. The burning sensation was so strong it woke her up, and she knew immediately what had happened. At first, she tried to ignore it. She didn’t want this to happen in the first place, and she certainly didn’t have to make a big deal out of it now that it finally happened.
She managed to lay still for a whole minute before her curiosity got the best of her and she reached to turn her night light on. Lifting her blanket, she found the beautiful image of a small songbird with spread wings, the open beak pointing up into the sky and musical notes coming out of it. It was mesmerizing.
And for the first time in her life, Quinn felt a longing to meet the person it symbolized, to have the lines filled in with glowing colors. She brushed her fingertips over the mark, carefully following the lines. Her chest filled with warmth and she smiled.
By the time Quinn made it to school she’d spent more time than she would admit googling different types of songbirds to find out more about her mark. She knew it was someone who liked to sing, but that didn’t exactly narrow down the list that much. There were lots of people in her life that liked to sing.
She’d finally decided that the songbird very well could be a type of warbler. She could live with that. Even though the Warblers were the enemies of the new directions, it was a group of many handsome, well-built boys. And even though she couldn’t think of any one of them that had caught her attention, at least she thought her parents might be pleased. After all, that’s what she’d been worried about all along.
The thought did cross her mind that it might be someone at William McKinley High. But she wasn’t sure about any of her options in the glee club, which is where she might find a songbird. There was Finn, who sure wasn’t too bad, but it would be awkward given their history with Puck, who for that reason also wasn’t an alternative. Kurt wasn’t in the picture for obvious reasons, and she’d never thought of Artie and Mike in that way, she didn’t really have much in common with them. If she were to meet her soulmate in high school, the Warblers seemed like the reasonable alternative.
Although; the more she thought about it, the more she realized that the most probable scenario was for her to encounter the right person later in life. According to international statistics, most people meet their soulmates much later than at the age of 18.
All this reasoning resulted in her keeping her guard down. She walked into the halls of William McKinley High School with a dress that showed off her legs and the new mark decorating her ankle, accepting the birthday wishes and the admiring comments on her new mark. All without thinking for a second that she was walking the same halls as the person whom it belonged to, risking setting it glowing any second.
She sailed through the day and by the time she was sat in a chair at glee practice, she’d almost forgotten all about birthdays and songbirds.
The choir room was unusually chatty, so she couldn’t hear Rachel Berry as she entered, mumbled something to Mr Schuester and sat down on the opposite side of the room.
She didn’t listen that much when Mr Schuester started explaining the theme of the week. Classic musicals, ya ya… And songs originally written for the opposite sex, sure thing, nothing new. She didn’t even notice Rachel getting up in front of the group until she opened her mouth and Quinn’s entire body froze, all blood draining from her face.
“As an example of this week’s theme, I’m going to be singing “Little Jazz Bird” from the Broadway musical; Lady Be Good.”
Quinn had to remind herself to breathe as she felt that same burning sensation from earlier this morning on her ankle. She quickly looked around to make sure that no one was looking her way before she dared to look down. By then, Rachel had stopped talking while Brad found the right key on the piano, and the songbird looked exactly like it had before.
But then Rachel started singing, and Quinn saw the colors explode on the bird right before her eyes. The wings shimmered in gold, the feathers seemed to shift in all different colors of the rainbow and the musical notes were moving as more came out of the bird’s beak.
It was beautiful, and she wanted to admire it forever, but no more than 2 seconds passed before she quickly pulled her bag closer to make it cover the mark. Another look around assured her that all eyes were on Rachel. Slowly, a cold, sinking feeling seeped into her stomach. This was not what she had expected, and she was far from happy about it.
Later, she would barely remember a second of the song that Rachel performed. All she could hear was the rushing of blood as her heart was racing. All she could think was that her world had ended.
She had the decency to wait until Rachel had finished singing, but as soon as the last piano key ended she grabbed her bag, jumped up from her seat and left the room after a quick explanation to Mr Schuester about how she wasn’t feeling well and had to go home for the day. She could feel her classmates’ questioning gazes as she walked out the door before Rachel had the time to say another word and reveal to the entire glee club the secret that Quinn had decided to carry to the grave.
Rachel could not be her soulmate! First of all: it made no sense. Quinn was supposed to spend her life with a boy. She’d never even thought about being with a girl, and furthermore: it would make her parents livid! Secondly: she did not even like Rachel. Not one bit. The girl was annoying, clingy, boring and plain. Her childlike happiness and beaming smile was definitely not endearing. Her singing voice was not hypnotizing and her warm, chocolate eyes didn’t attract Quinn at all. How could the universe want her to spend the rest of her life with someone who’s company she did not enjoy, and who she didn’t find attractive in any way?
The only explanation she could come up with was that there must have been some mistake. A mix up. Maybe her mark had reacted on accident and was really meant for someone else. In 3 months’ time, when it was Rachel’s turn to get marked, there was no possible way that her mark would be meant for Quinn!
These thoughts calmed her as she walked all the way back home. This was a mistake, no one would ever find out and she would certainly not spend the rest of her life with Rachel Berry.
From that day she started wearing long jeans to school to cover up the mark. The tingling she felt every time she heard Rachel’s voice did not go away.
Quinn had a plan for how she was going to keep her secret. Besides covering up her own mark, there was another problem: in case Quinn turned out to be Rachel’s soulmate as well, she was going to have to keep Rachel from finding out. This required never again speaking in front of the other girl. With both of them in glee club this was hard to accomplish, which led her to step 1: quit the glee club.
She waited a few weeks after her strange episode before she quit, so that people wouldn’t connect the two events. She couldn’t admit to anyone that it pained her, that she’d been looking forward to her last year in glee club. Instead, she blamed her actions on too much schoolwork, on wanting to put more effort into cheerleading her final year.
The disappointed faces of the other glee kids didn’t make it easier, and when she met Rachel’s genuinely sad gaze a lump of sadness filled her throat and she had to look away.
Various members of the glee club tried to talk her into coming back. Brittany and Santana talked about how they were meant to be doing it together. Finn told her how much he enjoyed singing with her.
One afternoon it was finally time to cut them loose when Rachel approached her at her locker, making Quinn jump in surprise as she looked up from her school books.
“Hi, Quinn”, Rachel said in a kind voice.
Quinn looked at her and tried to look as hostile as possible. Any kindness and she would never get Rachel off her back.
“What!” she snapped with irritation.
This, however, didn’t seem to faze Rachel at all. She didn’t even flinch through her gentle smile.
“I just wanted to tell you how much we miss you in glee practice, and ask you to please consider joining us again. You contribute with a lot to the team. It would mean a lot to me.”
Stupid Rachel and her stupid kindness. Quinn did not need to hear these words. If only Rachel could move on and focus on her own singing and her own friends and another soulmate that fit her better.
Quinn could show no mercy. December was approaching, and once Rachel’s birthday had arrived the girl needed to accept that Quinn did not talk to her, not ever.
She took a deep breath and braced herself, thinking of what she could say that would hurt the most.
“Listen, RuPaul”, she started, applying for the first time in many months one of her insulting nicknames. “I know that we’ve been in the same club for a while, but do not think for a second that we’re friends. I don’t like you, I don’t enjoy your company and being part of your pathetic group means nothing to me. I’ve started to realize what a huge waste of time glee club has been and will from now on focus on more important things.”
She slammed her locker for effect before she delivered her final blow.
“Don’t embarrass yourself by trying to ask me again. What would make me happy is for you to leave me alone and not talk to me again.”
She didn’t have to look at Rachel to know she’d caused her pain, she felt it.
When a soulmate is hurting, you hurt with them.
While she hurried off to her next class she felt a cold grip of sadness around her heart, and she knew it was Rachel she felt. Rachel had been hurt by her words and now Quinn had to pay for it.
She entered her classroom and sat down with her head in her hands. So this was what her life was going to be like for the rest of her days. Rachel’s every heartbreak, every loss, every injury and every sorrow, Quinn would have to endure as well. She didn’t want to accept that.
She’d thought that getting rid of Rachel would make her feel better, but sitting there, her chest filled with pain and she just wanted to cry.