Chapter Text
The letter was the only point of contact that Terezi had with the world of Earth-C anymore. The warped void of Paradox Space was perilously close to collapsing now, and even the inexplicable ability to communicate back to Earth-C had completely broken down.
She still had the letter. The one that didn’t make any sense. The one that stabbed at her every time she read it.
Terezi,
I’m so sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I’m just going to hurt you and keep hurting you if we stay together. I’ve been really happy with spending time with you and making our home together and I even had a lot of fun last night but…
Something is wrong with me. I don’t know exactly what, but until I figure it out I shouldn’t be around other people. I think you should go and find someone that makes you happy! Find someone who can appreciate who you are!
Find someone that’s not broken.
I love you, Terezi. Maybe not like hearts and flowers but I love you all the same. I’ll miss you so much, but I need you to be happy! Please.
-Jade
And that was it. Jade had been gone when she woke up, leaving only the note behind. The note that was full of things that didn’t make sense and just made her feel more and more confused.
Had she pushed too far? Had she said or done something that Jade had just been too afraid to talk about? What had happened?
Jade didn’t respond to messages – didn’t answer the phone. No one knew where she’d gone. She just… vanished to somewhere on Earth-C.
Terezi had tried not to think about it, but the very trying was driving her to madness. For some reason, the thing she’d jumped to first was to try one last time to find Vriska. Maybe having that touchstone of normality would help bring things into perspective. Maybe she’d be able to…
I don’t think she’s out here...
Floating in the void. Something else was out there. Terezi didn’t know how she knew this, but it was something she could feel inside.
Hello?
Oh god no, that would be ridiculous! Do you have any idea how long you’ve been here for?
Who are you?
It was a good guess, at least. Maybe off by a year or three… hundred.
It felt like snippets of one side of a conversation that she wasn’t supposed to be hearing. Like something that danced inside of her mind and then went away.
Everything in Paradox Space went away. She hadn’t seen a single dream bubble this time – none of the Horrorterrors. Everything was gone except the ever-expanding event horizon of the black hole. And if she weren’t careful, that would be her fate too.
Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
But then she’d never get resolution. Never understand why Jade wrote that stupid fucking letter in the first place. Never find Vriska. Just… never do anything other than constantly fail!
She’d had a house… no, that wasn’t right. She’d just been sharing a house…
She’d had a home . A place to belong. For those few months she and Jade were together, she felt like she was complete. She’d stopped thinking about Vriska all the time – accepting that she was likely dead.
A place to call home. A person to call home. A life that she could see herself living.
Now it was all gone, and she didn’t even understand why.
Listen to me carefully, and don’t interrupt.
I don’t know how much longer I can do this for.
If there is an order to things, your being here any longer will disrupt it.
Please… I can’t hold this any longer… if you care about any of them...
Go back. Find your home. Wait.
Wait for WHAT?!
It was her own mind playing tricks on her. After all, Paradox Space was about the collapse and that can’t be particularly good for the mind.
What the fuck?! What are you saying?! I’ve done some horrible things!
It wasn’t possible.
VRISKA?!
She can’t hear you…
I don’t make the rules anymore…
She’ll stay here forever…
TH4T 1S NOT FUCK1NG H4PP3N1NG, YOU B4ST4RD!
Nothing was real out here. Nothing made sense. Because causality itself was collapsing around her. And once that broke down… nothing mattered. Literally.
Please… go home...
Terezi couldn’t find it in herself to cry anymore. She desperately wanted to, but it was beyond her. With a heart that felt like it was about to explode, she turned herself around… and for the last time she threaded the careful course back to Earth-C.
Terezi came back late in the afternoon, right as the Sun was starting to kiss the clouds a rich, golden orange – a delicious flavor under any circumstances, but on that day it tasted like ashes in her mouth. She flew in low, toward the house that June Egbert and Roxy LaLonde shared.
In times of distress, we often return to the familiar – to the comforting. We turn to those we feel closest to. We turn to our good friends who have been there to support us.
The ones that’re still left, anyway.
Vriska was gone.
Jade had left.
So with a heart that was near breaking, Terezi landed the DroneMaster on June and Roxy’s lawn and unstrapped herself, knowing that she would never again have a reason to return to Paradox Space – knowing that even if she wanted to, there wasn’t going to be a Paradox Space to return to.
June and Roxy and… Callie? They’d all run out of the house when they heard the DroneMaster landing. June ran up to Terezi first and she felt herself being gathered up in a warm hug. She could feel June’s wet cheeks on hers.
“Terezi! What the hell?! No one knew where you were! No one could get in touch with you!” She was shaking as she held Terezi in her arms. “I was so worried!”
Roxy and Callie were there, but they seemed unsure of what to do. After a few hurried greetings, Callie excused themselves and began to walk off – Roxy stepped back to give Terezi and June some space.
“I’m sorry,” Terezi said, feeling her own tears streaking her cheeks now. “Paradox Space is falling apart… is gone already? I don’t know. I couldn’t get in touch with anyone.”
“What happened?! You and Jade were together and then she disappears one day and then you go running back off into space. Then she comes back and builds that… oh shit, you wouldn’t know.”
Terezi’s forehead creased with lines of worry and confusion. “She’s back?”
“I mean, not anymore – she… look, it’s easier to show you.”
It wasn’t far away. June held her and flew so that they didn’t have to use to DroneMaster – Terezi wasn’t even sure if it’d hold up for one more flight anyway, and there was something so ignoble about the idea of dying in a drone crash after everything she’d been through.
They flew low over the treetops and Terezi could sense the flow of the colors and shapes of the countryside below as they went. She closed her eyes and let herself sette into being carried by June. It felt like she’d gone for a long time without even seeing another person, much less being held by one.
They passed over the rolling hills and finally June set her down at the edge of a small stand of woods. The trees smelled nice and the meadows that covered the hills rustled gently in the afternoon breeze. It was peaceful and it was beautiful.
And it made Terezi’s heart hurt, because she wanted more than anything to be able to share this with one of the women she cared so much about – and both of them were gone.
“How long was I gone for?” She asked quietly, turning back around to face June. “What’s been happening?”
She could sense June shrugging, hear her hrmmm as she considered her response. “Honestly? It’s been… mostly you and Jade stuff. You’ve been gone for about four months. I guess Dave and Karkat are getting married next month. They sent you an invite but no one knew if you’d be back.”
“What?! They’re getting married and you didn’t lead with that?! ”
“I mean, mostly we’ve been kinda worried about you and Jade. No one knew where you were and Jade… she flew up to someplace near New Alternia and refuses to talk to anyone. Like a Kermit or something.”
Terezi groaned. “I think the word is hermit .”
“Yeah, that!” June exclaimed. “But it’s been real weird and kinda awkward. She won’t even return my texts. She texted me once or twice just to say she was okay… but… I really don’t think she’s okay. I don’t think you are either.”
Terezi faltered – she was about to tell June that no, she was fine, thank you! That it was no big deal being mysteriously dumped by your… ex? Is that what they were? No big thing. Just spend some time in space looking for your other… ex? Did it count when your relationship was terminated on account of a black hole consuming one of you?
Instead, she whimpered, grabbed onto June, and started sobbing.
“I’m not!” she bawled. “I’m not okay at all! I miss Jade and I miss Vriska! I don’t understand why everyone keeps leaving me like this! Is there something wrong with me?!”
June wrapped her arms around Terezi and pulled her in. “There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t think… I don’t think what happened with Jade has anything to do with you.”
“Why?” Terezi asked. “Why not? We had sex once and then just coincidentally she ghosts me. What else could it be?”
“I should… I should show you this thing now.” June let go of Terezi. The troll wiped her eyes.
“What thing?”
June took Terezi’s hand and guided her – they were walking into the trees now, away from the meadow. The trees shaded everything, making the temperature pleasant and cool. It reminded Terezi of a significantly nicer version of the forest she’d grown up in. One that had fewer hostile creatures in it.
As they walked – and there was definitely a defined path through the woods – Terezi began to sense shapes taking form.
It can’t be that… that makes no sense.
The colors and the sensation of the line – of the form. Everything was overwhelming all at once and it combined with a sense of overwhelming unreality .
There, in the forest, was her treehouse. No… not her treehouse but a very precise replica of it. Made by someone who had taken great care to ensure that the details were right. With improvements obviously made to elements like structure – Terezi got the sense that this new treehouse could stand up considerably better to the ravages of time. But it felt so close… so incredibly similar.
“Jade made this,” June’s voice was barely above a whisper – she sounded like she was choking up and her eyes smelled wet. She sniffled. “She came back about a month ago and spent all day making this. She told me to show you to it when you came back and then she left again. I don’t understand what happened between the two of you but… I think it was more than maybe either of you realizes.”
Terezi was crying. She leaned up against June, taking in the shape of the treehouse – of the way everything worked together.
Leaving June to stand on the path, Terezi walked to the ladder that led up into the trees and started climbing. It was certainly sturdier than her old treehouse had been. It was made of some kind of alchemized wood that smelled… purple… like the trees of her old home. But this had a dense consistency to it that told her that this material would never rot or splinter with age. It had been well made.
Made by someone who cared about doing it right.
The ladder led to a landing which led to a door. Terezi put her hand on the door and pushed it open.
The inside of the treehouse felt like she’d been thrown back into a version of her old home where she’d been given a chance to grow up. There was a pile of cushions in the corner to sleep on and a desk in one corner with a laptop sitting on it. Along one wall sat a series of plush dragons, with a brilliant red one in the very center.
She picked up the red dragon plush and turned it over in her hands – feeling the stitches and drawing in the colors. It was almost a stitch-for-stitch replica of her old plush. She didn’t even know how Jade had managed this – it must have taken a phenomenal amount of work and effort.
This place… it felt just like…
It felt like somewhere she belonged. Felt like a space that no one else had claimed and that no one else could intrude on. Even if she was by herself right then, it still…
It felt just like home.
A shiver ran across Terezi’s body.
Go back. Find your home. Wait.
On the desk, by the laptop, there was a piece of paper. Terezi picked it up, running it under her nose and touching the ink with the tip of her tongue. Jade’s handwriting.
Terezi,
I’m so sorry for how I left you. I should’ve talked to you about how I was feeling but I was afraid. I’m still afraid. I don’t know how to describe it exactly.
There’s stuff about myself I need to work on figuring out. I really think there’s something wrong with me. That I’m just… not like other people. And maybe that’s not a bad thing or whatever but right now it feels pretty goddamn bad.
I feel broken and I feel alone… but there’s nothing anyone can do to help me with that, because it’s my problem.
I know it won’t make up for how I ran out, but I made this house for you. I hoped to give you a place to finally call home. A place where you can be yourself – however you choose to be. I really hope you like it, because… it’s the least I can do.
I don’t know how to explain it or why I feel like this, but it’s important that you have this place. It feels like it’ll matter soon. I don’t know how I know that. I don’t know why I know that. I feel like… like we each have our own struggles. And mine and yours…
Maybe they’re not as different as I think. But I don’t KNOW and I can’t be sure. I can’t be around you because I can’t be around anyone right now.
I miss you. I miss the time we spent together. And I have this feeling like that time is over. Maybe we’ll see each other again, but it’s not going to be the same as it was.
And right now that just makes me feel really sad.
Because I miss you Terezi.
And in my own way, I love you.
-Jade
Terezi set the letter down and the tears were back. She held the dragon plush close to her chest and walked back to the ladder. Carefully tucking the plush under her chin, Terezi slowly descended to the forest floor and walked back along the path, back to where June was standing.
“Did you like it? Jade said none of us were allowed inside but she didn’t say why.”
Terezi held up the dragon plush and tried to smile. “She did this for me. She wanted to apologize… and… I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I really hope that she’ll be okay.”
“You can’t make people talk to you,” June said. “Even if it would maybe help them a lot.”
“I know,” Terezi sighed. “I won’t say I understand because I really don’t but… I guess maybe I’ll get there eventually.”
Together, they walked back down the path and out of the woods, back to the grass-strewn rolling hills. The breeze was picking up even more, turning the gentle rustle into a symphony of whispers all along the hills.
Wait.
“So what’re you going to do?” June asked. She was looking all around the countryside. “This is such a nice place to live. But are you going to be okay?”
“June… I’m going to be okay. I’m not okay right now, but I feel like maybe I can get there. I’ll keep in touch with you. Also… who knows about this place?”
“Just me right now. Jade was pretty insistent that I don’t tell anyone else. I think she wanted you to be able to have some privacy if you wanted it. Let you figure things out for yourself.”
“Thank you… please keep it a secret.” Terezi liked the idea of having somewhere to go that she could retreat to – of having a place where the world couldn’t find her if everything got to be a bit too much.
“You’re not gonna, like… just disappear again, are you?”
Terezi shook her head. “No. You’re my friends and I missed you. I don’t feel like isolating myself right now… not all the time, anyway. Besides, I wouldn’t want to miss Dave and Karkat’s wedding. It’ll either be incredibly sweet or an unmitigated disaster.”
“Maybe a bit of both,” June muttered, half to herself.
“Either way I’ll be entertained!” Terezi grinned. The grin faded quickly, but it had been genuine.
They stood in silence for a moment longer and then Terezi turned to June. She reached out and put her hands on June’s shoulders.
“June… thank you.”
“Why? I didn’t do anything.”
Terezi leaned forward and held her arms around her friend, snuggling in close to her. “Stop it. You’re being supportive and helping me however you can. Don’t sell yourself short – you help people, June Egbert. It’s what you do.”
They both smiled at each other. This time Terezi’s smile lasted a bit longer before fading out.
“I friend-love you, June!” Terezi winked.
June gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. “I friend-love you too, Terezi. I’m always here for you, no matter what.”
In a time that felt entirely too short, June was away – flying back to the house she shared with Roxy and, possibly, Callie. That was unclear – something to investigate at a later date.
Terezi turned and began to walk back into the woods, back to the treehouse.
Find your home. Wait.
In the back of her mind, Terezi had the feeling that something was coming. Something was going to happen that would change things… and either things would get better or they wouldn’t. Because that was how it always was, because nothing was static forever.
Back in the treehouse, Terezi picked up Jade’s letter again and re-read it. It was laced with the same kind of cryptic feeling that was troubling her own mind ever since she’d last gone out to Paradox Space. As if something were bleeding through. Something that felt important. Something that felt like it was getting closer by the day.
But in the meantime, Terezi knew that at the very least she had a space where she could live. Not just in the mechanical, physical sense of the word, but in the sense that it gave her somewhere to explore who she really was.
Beginnings. Endings. Beginnings.Everything was a cycle and nothing was ever truly fixed.
Terezi put the letter down, squeezed the red dragon plush, and walked over to the cushion pile in the corner. She flopped down on her back, the cushions giving way with a soft rush of air as they settled up around her. She held the plush close to her chest, closed her eyes.
And Terezi smiled – if only a little bit.
“Thanks, Jade. I love you too.”