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Chapter Text

The walls in the medical ward were the same brown sandstone as the rest of the temple and would’ve been fairly depressing on their own. But some clever rebel had armed the base’s children with paint, and the result was happy, smudgy smears along Rey’s waist height throughout medical. It lent a cheeriness to the rooms that they didn’t otherwise have. But she could only stare at their paintings and be charmed for so long – Rey was bored.

She’d been put on medical leave for twelve days. At least! The med droid had added that qualifier several times, like she had wanted to be sure Rey was listening. The droid had also repeated her other instructions: no weight on it for at least three days, regular application of salves, don’t pick at the burns in the meantime. Finally, the most important direction: no shenanigans. That last one had come after Beebee had appeared with a challenge to a game of hide and seek, and she’d been caught in a laundry basket, eyes a little teary because she’d bumped her burn and ow.

It was hard sitting still after running for so long and working so long before that. It was almost as bad as those empty days on the Falcon. It was almost worse because, most of the time, she only had her leg to think about. When she got hurt on Jakku, the wounds were often worse, but they were easier to ignore; she had work to do, scavenging to focus on, and by the time she returned to her home, she was too exhausted to do anything but sleep. But here, trapped in the medical ward, she was stuck thinking about it constantly, the dull throb of her leg making itself known.

That was why she was so happy when they shifted her out of their critical care after the first day, sliding her into a room with none other than Rose. They could talk for hours, they soon learned, from everything about their adventures with the Resistance to different parts on ships and weapons and even door locks. But Rose went to physical therapy for two hours a day, leaving Rey alone in their room, bored out of her mind, able to focus only on her pain and her leg.

Sometimes her insecurities crawled in, too. She would hear Ren’s voice in the silence, calling weak and pathetic and useless. Rey tried to meditate but it was too noisy, with machines beeping beside her, and nurses shouting in the halls, and med droids whirling back and forth outside her door. It wasn’t anything like the gentle hum of activity in Leia’s quarters.

Rey looked at the muddy children’s paintings in front of her, trying to decide for about the thirtieth time if it was a flower or a sun. It also kind of looked like a penis. The thought made Rey giggle, turning her head to look at it at a better angle.

The door swung open, drawing her attention. But no one was there. Rey sat up, trying to see around Rose’s bed. Beebee swung around its edge, whistling cheerfully at her. [Best-Friend Rey!] He beeped. [Best-Friend Rey I am here!]

“Hey, Bee,” Rey said, smiling. Beebee rolled in front of her bed, coming to his usual abrupt, skidding stop. Broop.

“I’m happy to see you too, Bee,” Rey said, watching as he shuffled open his storage compartment, offering the drawer up towards her. “Do you have something for me?”

Beebee chirped happily, wiggling his head excitedly side to side. Rey giggled at him, setting her hands on the bed to help herself shift out of it, eyes darting to the hall first to ensure no nurses or med droids were lurking. Once her feet were on the floor, she carefully lowered herself down to sit next to Beebee-Ate, leaning back against the wall.

Beebee rolled over to present his storage compartment. Inside, Rey found a handful of the sweet berries that grew here, which she’d tried for the first time with her breakfast the other day. She smiled, taking the berries out with one hand and giving Beebee an affectionate scratch with the other.

“Thank you, Beebee,” she said, “I love them.” The little droid nuzzled up against her hand, cooing lovingly. Rey popped a berry in her mouth and said, “What’re you up to today? Anything exciting?”

Beebee rolled around her, squealing in excitement.

“A mission?” Rey asked, and at Bee’s indignant beeps, she added, “Sorry – a very important mission? That’s fantastic. What’s your mission?”

The droid stopped in front of her and beeped very carefully.

“Classified, huh?” Rey asked, tossing another berry into her mouth. “Well, it must be very important. It’s a good thing they’ve asked for your help – you’re the best agent we have.”

 Beebee beeped his assent and Rey smiled at him, utterly charmed. Bee was her first friend. She would never forget that. She was so lucky to have a droid so amazing for her first friend.

“I love you,” she said, somewhat abruptly. She was thinking about hitting the warehouse floor. If she hadn’t, she would’ve taken that knife in the chest, or maybe the neck. She didn’t want to think about what would’ve happened.

Bee stopped his whirling to roll up to her, bumping her good leg sweetly.

[Beebee-Ate – DESIGNATION: hero, DESIGNATION: the best agent in the Resistance – loves Best-Friend Rey too.]

Rey laughed, reaching forward to adjust his antennae. It had gone crooked in all his excitement. “Thank you, Bee,” she said again, meaning it from her very bones.

The door opened again. Rey looked under Rose’s bed to see her legs appear, distinctive for their crutches. But Bee whirled away from her, spinning to greet her.

[Friend-Rose is here!] He chirped. [Friend-Rose is the best!]

Rose laughed, shifting carefully to reach down and pat Beebee’s shell. “Hey buddy,” she said, “You’re the best, too. Do you know where Rey is?”

“Down here!” Rey called. She smiled up at Rose when she peered around the corner. “Hey.”

Rose looked at her with concern, “Did you fall? Here, let me help you.”

Rey waved her off, shaking her head. “No, no. I came down to see Bee.” She set her hand on the bed next to her, tugging herself up on one leg. Rose maneuvered to sit on the bed and Rey sat on her own, across from her.

“Bored again?” Rose asked, setting her crutches beside her. Rey made a face which made Rose laugh. “Yeah, okay, I thought so.”

Rey swung her good leg, jerking her chin at Rose. “How’s physio?”

“Getting better,” Rose said, “They still want to get me into some bacta, but until then, it’s the pool for me. It’s not so bad.” Rose spent most of her physio in one of the clear pools of water behind the temple, where she carefully walked and stretched her healing muscles.

Rey hummed, leaning on her hands and looking at the ceiling. “Yeah, especially with Finn’s help, I imagine?” She snuck a look at Rose, catching her face go astro-beet red.

[Hero-Friend Finn is so helpful!] Bee crooned from the floor, spinning happily. [Hero-Friend Finn is the best!]

“Oh, definitely,” Rey said, “He is very helpful. Very, very helpful.” She sent Rose a sly look, making her go even redder.

Rey liked Rose. She liked her a lot. Rose was everything Finn said, and more. She was kind and helpful, and she had good taste, judging by how red she became anytime Rey mentioned Finn.

Rey reached forward with her good leg, toeing Rose gently in the shin, “Sorry,” she said, “I’m just teasing.”

“Are you?” Rose asked suddenly, looking up. “Because sometimes I... I mean. You’re so close with him. And I worry...”

Rey laced her eyebrows together. “Worry what?” Rose looked at her and meaningfully raised her eyebrows. Rey watched her, confused. Rose just raised her eyebrows again, overexaggerating it even more. And then realization hit Rey. A laugh bubbled out of her.

“Oh, no,” she waved Rose off, shaking her head, “No, no, no. Nothing to worry about with me.” Rey felt a flush of embarrassment wash over her at even having to explain this.

“Finn is my best friend,” she started, then abruptly corrected herself when Beebee beeped indignantly. “Second best friend, sorry, Bee. And he’d be an amazing person for that, but – definitely not for me. And not me for him, either. He’s an absolutely wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to have him.” Then, to be sure, “He’s a brother to me.”

Rose nodded, quickly. “So, then he’s...”

“Super into you,” Rey said, smiling. “He’s not lining up at the physio pools to help just anyone.”

“Oh,” Rose said, smiling down at her knees. “Okay.” She looked thoughtful. Rey wanted to ask what she was thinking about, but she wasn’t sure if that was her place. She was still too new to all this to know for sure.

“So,” Rose asked, finally looking up at her. “Do you have anyone?”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Me?” She shook her head, “No.”

Rose nodded, “Some people don’t want that. That’s okay too.”

Rey considered. She hadn’t really had a chance for it before. Jakku wasn’t exactly the best place to find someone like that. Romance had never been the top of the list – she had more important things to do, like survive. It had never seemed to be an option for her. But Rose presenting it like it was, was new... and not unwelcome.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s not that. It’s something I would like, I think. But also,” she paused, trying to articulate her thoughts. “People don’t see me that way.”

Rose tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Rey paused again, trying to explain herself. “I mean, like this. I’m bad at talking to people. And some people find me... intimidating, or something. They see me as this Jedi, and not, you know. Me.”

Rose smiled at her. “I don’t think you’re bad at talking to me.” Rose shrugged, her smile going kind of sad, “My sister was kind of like that, you know. She needed time to warm up to people. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Rey considered that. She thought about Finn. She didn’t need time to warm up to him, not really. But he was also Finn, the most charming, kind person in the galaxy. He could probably talk Kylo Ren into kindness, if he really tried.

So, she tried to think of another example. What about Poe – Poe, who had intimidated the hell out of her, until she spoke with him in the X Wing. She guessed she had taken that time to warm up to him. And look at them now – he was one of her closest friends on base.

“Yeah,” Rey said, feeling herself relax, “You’re right. I just need time. And there’s nothing wrong with that?” It came out more a question than she meant, but Rose smiled and nodded anyways.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Rose confirmed.

Rey leaned back on her hands. There was nothing wrong with her. Just because she was awkward, or not the easiest with people, didn’t mean something was wrong with her. That was just who she was. She didn’t have to change that, if she didn’t want to.

“And what you said, about people not seeing you that way?” Rose shook her head, smiling differently. “No way.”

“What?”

“Well,” Rose dragged out the word, looking at the ceiling. “What about Poe?”

Beebee made his presence known, chirping at Poe’s name. [Dad-Poe! I love Dad-Poe! He’s the best, the bestest best ever!]

“Dameron?!” Rey asked in disbelief, like the base was crawling with Poes, all handsome and kind and interested in her. Rose nodded. “Oh, there’s no way.”

“Why not?” Rose asked, “He comes to see you here every day – sometimes twice.”

Ah. That’s why she was saying this, of course. Rey shook her head. “Oh, no, it’s not like that. He feels bad. I took that hit for him – he feels guilty.”

Rose hummed in a way that made Rey’s stomach do something funny. But Rose dropped it, “Okay. Whatever you say.” She smiled, “You up for a game of holo-chess?”

Rey nodded, feeling her shoulders sink in relief at the change of topic. Rose produced a datapad, borrowed from Finn, and started up the game. Rey limped over to join her on her cot, sitting on the other side of the datapad.

Beebee spun around beneath the cot, whirling his goodbye. The girls responded in kind, waving as he shot out the door.

///\\\
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They didn’t have any bacta on base, excepting the pads, which were only to be used in emergencies. But it didn’t mean the Resistance was completely at a loss of what to do. Soon old family herbal recipes were passed around, and the rebels that were native to the Cademimu Sector were able to offer some assistance. The nurses concocted a green gel that they dropped off at Rey’s bed like clockwork three times a day. She didn’t complain; it immediately helped to ease the pain, cool to the touch. Rey had seen the stiff, almost spiky plant they made it from, and wasn’t sure how to nurses managed to bully the plant into being such an odd gel, but she didn’t doubt the nurses’ capabilities in anything. She thought it best not to ask.

 The nurse came by to drop the gel on her bed at noon, as always, with only instructions to do it, Rey, before she whisked away again. Rey leaned forward on the bed and scooped up the bowl, then scooted back into the pillows. Rose was gone on physio, leaving her alone.

The nurses had given Rey shorts to wear, but she still had to roll the leg up, their usual knee-length too long for her burn, which cut her about mid-thigh. She stretched her leg out in front of her and examined the burn. It was still ugly, spanning the width of the front of her thigh, thicker than it normally would’ve been where Nyressi had twisted the knife. A massive blister had formed over it and had since popped, with several other, smaller blisters emerging beneath.

From experience, Rey knew to take a large chunk of gel on her fingers, rather than using it sparingly. Rey shoveled the gel on as liberally as she could, leaving a good thick layer on the entirety of the burn. She sighed as the gel cooled her skin, making her realize again just how warm the burn actually was.

She shifted her knee upwards slightly, drawing the blaster wound on her calf closer to her. It was kind of an odd angle, half-crunching to reach it, but she was trying not to move too much so as not to disturb the other wound.

Knuckles on her door made her look over, finding Poe standing with his hand on the doorframe.

“Hey,” he said, walking into the room. As he did, Beebee swirled around and past him, beeping his greetings.

“Hey,” Rey replied, sitting up. “Hello, Bee,” she said, looking down on him. She held up her fingers, covered in gel. “Just getting some salve for the burns,” she told them, going back to trying to reach her calf.

“Need a hand?” Poe asked, taking another step closer. Rey sat back.

“Sure,” she said, sliding the bowl towards him. Poe took off his gloves and shoved them in his pocket, sitting on the bed at her foot. He picked up the bowl and looked around her leg, spotting the wound, then took some gel and began to spread it on. Rey sighed and leaned against the pillows.

“It still hurt?” Poe asked, making sure the wound was completely covered. He was a lot more careful than she usually was.

“Yeah,” Rey answered honestly. She smiled at him, “But I’m a lot less of a baby about it than you would’ve been, so.”

Poe scoffed. “You know what, Rey?” He asked, lips twitching, “You’re totally right.”

Rey laughed, watching his own smile bloom on his face. He picked up a tissue from the nightstand and wiped his hands. Rey turned to inspect his handiwork.

“Well, Dameron, if piloting doesn’t work out, you could always be a nurse,” she told him. He smirked.

“Someone has got to patch you up when you go decide to save everyone again,” he said, sounding exasperated. She smiled.

And then she remembered what Rose said the day before. It made her sober up, feeling awkward. She picked at a loose thread on her shorts.

Poe didn’t seem to notice, because he was distracted himself. “I caught a mission,” he said, “I ship out in about an hour.”

“Another one?” Rey asked, taking in his coat and holster for the first time. He was dressed for a mission, just not one flown out of his X-Wing. “We just got back.”

“It’s a good sign,” he assured her. “Leia’s not letting us cower. We’re still bringing the fight to them.” He said, “All goes well, I should be back by tomorrow. Beebee can’t come with me, though. Keep an eye on him?”

“Of course,” Rey said, smiling down at Beebee, who was rolling around at the foot of the bed. “Good thing he’s not coming on your mission. He has his own to fulfill.”

Poe’s eyebrows climbed. His voice was high with surprise. “His own mission?”

Rey hummed, looking at Beebee, who was nodding. “It’s top secret, apparently. He won’t tell me anything about it.”

“Oh, really?” Poe said, something undistinguishable in his tone. But he was looking down on Beebee-Ate when she looked at him. “Must be important.”

The little droid beeped his assent.

Poe stood, “I should go. I’ll see you soon.”

“Good luck,” Rey said. Poe waved her off.

“I don’t need luck,” he said, making her roll her eyes. But she was smiling too.

///\\\
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Leia wanted her to work on looking for Force signatures. They were strange things. There was no visual to them, though Rey had tried to articulate them that way several times, trying to assign shape to something that was shapeless. It was more of a feeling, like an instinct.

Though it was hard to settle into meditation in the medical ward, Leia wanted her to try. She’d asked it of her the last time she’d visited Rey in medical. Leia hadn’t told her why, but Rey got the feeling that Leia had sensed something and wanted to see if Rey sensed it too.

She searched for Leia’s Force signature first. It was the most familiar, the strongest on base. Leia’s was a mixture of fire and love, swirling power and ferocious protection.

(Rey sometimes wondered what her own signature was like, but she’d never turned back to look. The last time she’d looked into a Force-made mirror, she hadn’t liked what she’d seen.)

There were other signatures on base, like candles to Leia’s bonfire. One in particular was familiar for some reason, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Rey brushed by it – she would investigate later – because she was looking for something specific.

Luke’s Force signature was the exact opposite of Leia’s; if hers was chaos, his was serenity. If hers was the sun, his was the moon. Where Leia’s was hot, Luke’s was cool, collected. The relief of shade after a day in the desert.

Leia was an amazing teacher. It had nothing to do with that; she wanted to talk to Luke about his final showdown with Kylo. She wanted to know if he severed their bond, once and for all. She wanted to know if she was free of him.

She sensed something – something cool, a calming energy hovering over base. Rey reached for it, offering her hand to it. She felt a hand clasp her own, and a presence entered the room.

Rey opened her eyes, expecting Luke. So she was surprised when it was a woman instead. She was young, beautiful; her hair was curled and full of little white flowers. She wore a sweeping blue robe and a soft, sad smile.

“You’re Rey,” she said. Her voice was musical. “My name is Padme Amidala.”

Rey knew her name. She sat up, taking in every detail. She was glowing blue, wearing it like a crown.

“You’re the queen,” Rey said, watching her wonderingly. “The one the Empire had murdered at the start of their rise. You stood up to them.”

Padme’s smile went a little sharper, “Yes. I did.”

Rey remembered something else. Quietly, she said, “You’re Luke and Leia’s mom.”

Padme bowed her head, “I am.” She folded her hands in front of her, and something about the action was so strikingly Leia that she leaned back, feeling a wave of sadness for the both of them. She remembered what Leia said: I will always be angry about some things – about what happened to Padme Amidala, my biological mother.

Padme said, “Luke doesn’t want to be found right now.” Rey blinked, pulled from her thoughts, drawn back to the present. Padme continued, “He’s figuring some things out for himself. And he spent a lot of energy on his final stand – he’ll need some time before he can appear before you as I am now.”

Padme offered her a smile. “Have confidence in your abilities, Rey. You don’t need my son to tell you that.”

Rey gnawed her lip. “I wanted to ask him – “

“About Kylo Ren?” Padme finished for her. Padme nodded, “Your bond. That bond was moulded by a hand – not yours. But it is not the same as it was, I can sense that.”

Rey sighed, feeling the disappointment rush through her, even as she nodded. So that meant the bond wasn’t broken. She’d rather it broken entirely, not just changed. It meant he was still there. Still lurking at the edges of her skull.

“You choose what happens next with it, Rey,” Padme said.

“I don’t know how,” she admitted, shoulders slumped.

Padme looked at her like she wanted to sweep her up into a hug. Instead, she shook her head softly, “I can tell you what helped me. My dear friend Obi Wan saved my children. My handmaidens used my death to fuel the rebellion. My husband,” she smiled sadly, “He chose right, in the end, and he and our son saved each other. It’s the people around you, Rey, that will be able to help you. However you solve this – it won’t be alone.”

Rey watched her. She had a million questions – not one of them appropriate. But Padme continued before she could ask any of them.

“And when you encounter evil, just as I did, I can tell you what helped me, more than anything.”

Rey sat up, eager, “What?”

“I shot it in the face,” she said, tall and unapologetic. It made Rey grin.

///\\\
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Rey spent the rest of the day in a daze, trying to decide if she should tell Leia about her conversation or not. So wrapped up in her thoughts, she forgot about Poe and his mission, and was surprised when the crew came back, victorious.

Normally, the celebrations wouldn’t bleed into the medical wing, but they did today. The mission was a supply run, in which the rebels were successful in stealing a shipment of blasters and ground canons, as well as bacta.

Rose was at the top of the list. As soon as they had moved the bacta into the ward, they came for her, wheeling her bed out of the room, one of the nurses warning that Rey was only a few people down in line.

When they did come for her, it was armed with a wheelchair and a stern glare that stifled any of her protests.

The bacta was... strange. They put her in a tub to submerge her to the waist, so both her legs were enveloped in the bacta. It was different from the patch, a more pronounced feeling of movement in her skin. It was like dozens of fuzzy little bees crawling all over her, but in a good way.

It was an immediate relief. She could feel the painful blisters calm, her skin soothed by the bacta. Rey shut her eyes and dipped her head back, focusing on the way the pain eased out of her. Scavenger Rey knew she was being spoiled. But she didn’t mind at all.

///\\\
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The nurses finally let her go a day later, when her restless prowling finally annoyed them enough. Rey ignored their directions to take it easy and went for a run, gleefully sprinting through the trees, feeling the pull of her new, tight skin on her leg. The blaster wound healed completely, but the vibroblade slash left a good-sized scar. It didn’t particularly bother her; she had a lot of scars. She snorted to herself; at least it wasn’t across her face.

Rey slowed to a jog twenty minutes in, breathing hard. She found herself in a clearing crowned by a massive tree; it must’ve been hundreds of years old. Rey slackened to a walk, approaching the tree. She reached forward and touched it with one hand, shut her eyes and let its energy flow through her.

It was the sun on her skin – warm and bright. She slotted her foot in one of the weaving bounds of the bark and reached up, lifting herself. She climbed, letting the warmth flow through her, eyes shut, letting her feelings guide her.

///\\\
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 Every day, the base got a little bigger, a little busier. Rebels trickled in from across the galaxy, fleeing persecution on their home planets, seeking revenge for lost loved ones, full of rage and hope in equal measure. In the rebellion, these rebels found a home. They found work to channel that energy into, to feel like they were doing something. It was like the bacta on her wound; an ever-present, healing buzz all over her skin.

Soon a training center was built. Rey usually visited it early in the morning after her meditations, while everyone else was at breakfast. But today Rey was late, her meditation having run long with Leia, and when she arrived, there was already a crowd.

Very few of them were on equipment, however. The majority of the crowd was circled around the sparring mats, obscuring the center of attention from her view. Curious, Rey wandered around the perimeter of the crowd, finally finding a break. She slipped into it, stepping up to the edge of the mat.

It was Poe and one of his pilots, Jess, circling one another carefully in a circle. They were both bouncing on their toes, their fists raised in a mirror of one another. Jess struck out and Poe danced back, avoiding her neatly. He returned a clean kick, catching her in the leg when she blocked it, darting back.

It was very tidy. They fought like professional boxers; the ones Rey saw on holovids at the Niima Outpost sometimes. They were taught how to properly fight by the Resistance and the Navy; they were taught in an environment that had rules and boundaries and tap-outs that were always respected. It showed.

Rey learned how to fight out of necessity. She learned young how to twist her arm from Plutt’s grip, and that the groin and neck were the most sensitive spots of an attacker. She learned to bite and claw and dig her thumbs into eyes, and not stop until she saw blood. Rey learned that the first to flinch was the first to lose. There were no tap-outs where she was from.

On the mat, Jess was ducking Poe’s punch, but it was a fake out. He used his other hand to catch her, grabbing her hand and twisting it behind her. Rey inspected the move with interest, tilting her head. He would break her arm easily if he pressed the right way, Rey decided, and she decided that she approved. It was good form, if not the same snarling viciousness she preferred.

Jess tapped on Poe’s arm and he released her immediately, both dropping their professional focus in a second. Jess was smiling, hooking her arm around Poe’s neck playfully and rubbing her knuckles into his hair as they headed for their waters.

The crowd began to disperse, entertainment gone. Rey slipped through the crowd to the bench were Poe and Jess were sitting, gently teasing each other.

“It was a pity win,” Jess was telling him, shaking her head. “I’m just worried for you, Poe. You’re losing your touch in your old age.”

“Oh sure,” Poe replied, “That’s why I won best two of three.”

“You could’ve gotten out of the hold,” Rey said, the words coming from nowhere. “If you’d kicked him in the groin.”

Rey hadn’t meant to speak. She bit the inside of the cheek, feeling awkward for bursting in on their conversation. But Jess’ sudden barking laugh made Rey’s shoulders relax.

Jess jabbed Poe with her foot, half-kicking him in the calf. “See? Told you. I was totally holding back. Didn’t want to damage your self esteem.”

“Please, you had no idea,” Poe said to Jess, but he was smiling at Rey.

“He’s in denial,” Jess told Rey very gravely, “He’s losing his speed. Can’t keep up with those in their prime.”

“I’m two years older than you,” Poe said to Jess, turning faintly pink. He wasn’t looking at Rey, now, like the topic made him uncomfortable.

Jess hummed, “You make it seem like forty.”

“Alright, get outta here,” Poe tried to kick Jess, but she had already leapt off the bench and was dancing out of his reach. Jess wiggled her fingers at Rey then sauntered off, almost skipping.

Rey liked Jessika Pava. Every interaction with her was a bit like a marathon, but Jess liked to tease Poe, and Poe was fun to see embarrassed. Rey remembered the way he’d played up his anger at being locked in the escape pod back on the Falcon; the way he’d hammed it up for the laughs of his crew, how she could tell he was doing so because of the way he bit his cheek to stop from smiling. He was a good captain and he was a good squadron leader.

“What’re you doing here,” Poe asked her, apparently looking for a change in topic. “Shouldn’t you be recovering still?”

She rolled her eyes, reaching for her pant leg. She was only barely able to shove the fabric up over her thigh, showing her pink, healed scar. “I was cleared days ago, thanks to the bacta.” She looked over at the mat, “I was actually hoping to find someone to spar.”

“I’ll do it,” Poe offered easily. Rey raised her eyebrows at him surprised.

“You sure?” She asked. Poe sighed.

“Look, I know I’m much older than you, but Jess – “

Rey sent him a look. “You’re what, seven years older than me? That’s nothing. Besides, you’re in good shape.” Poe blinked, then slowly smiled at the compliment. Rey shifted onto her other foot, not looking at him. That was an objective fact, not – “I mean – are you sure because I don’t fight like you.”

“How’s that?”

Rey considered. Then she smiled and teased, “Politely.”

Poe scoffed loudly, bouncing to his feet. “I do not fight politely,” he said, striding onto the mat. But then he stopped in the middle and looked at her more seriously, “You’re sure you’re okay for this?”

Rey calmly toed off her boots, going barefoot like him. “You’re sure you aren’t just scared?”

“Oh, I’m definitely scared. I know you haven’t seen yourself fight, Rey, but it’s pretty impressive.” Rey felt her cheeks get warm again and focused on shoving her socks in her boots. “I’m very likely to get my ass kicked here.”

Rey laughed at that one, then stepped onto the mat. Bending her knees slightly, she said, “As long as you’re being realistic.”

By unspoken agreement, their match started. Each paced lightly on the mat, sizing the other up. As soon as Poe raised his fists, Rey pounced.

She ran at him, full tilt, and leapt, latching herself around the shoulder he turned to try and block her. Poe was immediately thrown off balance and Rey held on tightly, locking her feet across his chest and wrapping her elbow around his neck as he fell backwards. His head landed on her stomach, knocking the wind out of her a bit, but Rey didn’t let go, tightening the arm around his neck minutely.

Poe’s hand came up and tapped her elbow and she let go, dropping her legs off from around him and giving him the chance to stand. Rey watched from the floor, propped up on her elbows. When Poe turned to look at her, he was smiling.

“Alright,” he said, holding out his hand to her. Rey took it, letting him rock her back to her feet. But when she was upright, he didn’t let go immediately. He stepped into her space and said, quietly, “I can fight dirty too.”

Rey didn’t bother to tell him that that kind of hold was far from dirty in her books, because she was interested to see how he defined it. She shifted from foot to foot as he stepped back, sizing her up.

He lunged first this time, swiping out and trying to grab her. Rey ducked away and threw herself at him with all her weight, like a battering ram. He was able to dodge her, but not the fist she darted out and hit his kidney with, making him grip the spot and dart away.

Poe was good. She’d known that, of course, from all the times she’d seen him on the mats. But he was usually doing his most impressive work in X-Wings, and Rey hadn’t really understood until just now what the bumps and ridges of his arms really meant, and what those curls that always flopped around his head looked like stuck in some sweat on his brow.

But that was – beside the point. They were sparring.

Get a grip, said a voice in Rey, who understood more of what was happening than she did, the same instinct making her strike out.

But Poe caught her arm and twisted it, just like he did with Jess before. This time, however, he twisted her into his body rather than away from it, preventing her from kicking him like she’d advised Jess. His chest rose and fell against hers; his mouth was almost pressed against her hair.

“Tap out,” he told her, right in her ear. His voice was different somehow. It made her want to step closer.

Instead, she wrapped her leg around his and yanked, pushing into his chest at the same moment his foot lifted from the floor. He still had his arm around her, though, so they both went tumbling to the mat, landing on their sides.

His hand broke away from her wrist as they landed and she leapt, knocking him on his back and straddling his stomach, setting her forearm against his throat, her free hand grabbing his closest wrist and forcing it above his head.

Rey stared at down at him and was somehow flooded with questions. Why wasn’t he pushing back? When had his fingers reached to touch the hand she had on his wrist? When had she started breathing so hard? When had he? She rose and fell with each one of his breaths.

(Had his eyes always been this brown?)

His right hand was still free. He could shove her off at any moment.

“Tap out,” Rey said, somewhat breathlessly. Some of her hair was dangling down, brushing his cheek.

“I’m good, actually,” he replied, voice hoarse. It raked down her back. She almost shivered.

An alarm sounded overhead and Poe jerked beneath her, pressing up into her. She rolled off him in a moment, startled and blushing and embarrassed and something else she wasn’t going to put a name to.

(Turned on that voice inside her added helpfully).

Poe shoved himself to his feet, turning to offer her a hand, though the alarm was the one that meant the pilots should get to their X-Wings, now.

She took his hand and he helped her up again, staring at her. Then he began... shaking her hand?

“Well done,” he said, releasing her hand and half-sprinting out of the room. She thought she heard him swear in the hallway, but it could’ve been her imagination, making her hear something between the blare of the alarm.

(He said, “Well karking done?!”)

///\\\
\\\///

Rey hovered in the hangar, unsure of what to do with herself. She picked at the Falcon, not making any changes, just fiddling to fiddle.

But her mind wandered. She barely saw the wiring in front of her. Her head was in the sky, with Finn on Ajara, where he’d been sent to meet some recruits, and with Poe in his X-Wing. But at least she knew where Finn was – they’d landed on the planet to do some vetting of new recruits, conducting interviews and confirming information from the gas giant rather than send them to the moon. Poe’s location and mission were a complete mystery to her – all she knew was that they were answering a distress call from a smaller base of rebels in another system. It was all Leia would give her when she asked.

Her focus wavered. She thought she could hear the sigh of an X-Wing shooting by, but of course, she couldn’t. It was just in her head.

She shut her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, her vision was red-tinted, and she was looking out into the stars.

Her stomach dropped – no, no, no –

“Rey.”

It was in her head. He was in her head.

The inside of his TIE smelled like sweat. The dark side of the Force rolled off him with a sour ache that reminded Rey of all the times she’d almost starved. It was like curling into herself and being too hungry to cry, too hungry to work. The desperation and the hate that came from that – it was the exact stench that rolled off Ren in his cockpit.

Her stomach dropped again, but not with the recognition. Instead, it was with the whoosh of the fighter, dropping suddenly and soaring back up again.

“I don’t need this right now,” Ren said, like her presence was a nuisance. But Rey clenched her fist because she realized: this was the first time she’d ever seen where he was. He hadn’t appeared as a disembodied figure in the Falcon, sitting next to her on the floor. Instead, she was in his ship, watching whatever battle he was part of. The Resistance could use this. This curse could be useful.

Rey leaned forward and studied the viewport, staring at all the stars outside, trying to match them to a map, or spot a planet she recognized. Ren suddenly turned the ship, saying something that was easy to ignore with the scream of the fighter, hands tight over her knees and every hair on her neck standing upright.

And then an X-Wing darted past, cutting Ren off and nearly forcing him into a spin. Rey’s breath caught, but not because of the daring maneuver. The side of it was painted black.

Ren jerked at his controls, spinning his ship to chase after the X-Wing, rounding back on the battle raging. She watched X-Wings and TIEs fly after one another, red and green lighting up the black space, as larger rebel ships shot off into lightspeed. The X-Wings were covering their escape. But there weren’t enough of them.

Ren locked his sight onto an X-Wing, the same one that cut him off, and Rey felt sick when she spotted a white and orange head turn back and look at her.

She finally looked at Ren. He was wearing that stupid fucking mask, utterly calm, despite her Force-presence. She looked ahead, saw Ren setting his sights on the X-Wing, BeeBee’s head swinging back to the front.

She couldn’t touch him; she couldn’t hit him –

But she could hear him. He could hear her.

Rey did the only thing she could think of. She screamed, as loud and blood-curlingly as she could. Startling even herself at the volume. She blinked and was back on the Falcon, then blinked again and was restored to the TIE, where the red viewport was cracked and cracking, lines shooting through like lightning as warning lights burst through the interior and an alarm started. Ren swore, urging his fighter after the X-Wing.

Rey was abruptly returned to the Falcon, shaking and sick.

“No, no, no,” she said, blinking desperately, like it would bring her back. Finally, she shoved herself to her feet, nearly falling when her knees didn’t support her. But she pressed herself down into the earth and ran, straight to command. The door burst open at a glare, startling those on the other side.

“Preparing to jump!” She heard Poe’s voice over the comms, echoing through the room.

A beat, and then someone at a computer said, “All X-Wings have jumped. No casualties, General.”

Leia was at the center of it all, looking up at a holographic map of the system. Indeed, all the blue dots of the X Wings were gone, and only red TIEs remained.

Rey felt herself sag, shooting out a hand to drop on a nearby table. She stared hard at the map, ignoring Leia’s eyes.

“Hey,” Rose materialized beside her. Rey blinked at her, having forgotten she would be there. She was finally off crutches and back to work. Rey had forgotten that now, she was running communications for Leia herself. Rose put her hand over Rey’s on the table. “Let’s go sit down,” she said.

Rey cast one last look at the map before letting Rose tug her gently into the hall, the door sliding shut behind both of them.

And then it all – the panic, the terror at the Force bond, the fear at all of it – caught up to her, and it became anger.

Overwhelmed with it, she turned to the empty hallway and shouted angrily, watching her anger surge out of her in a violent ripple, a garbage can down the hall bearing the brunt of it, denting hard like she’d punched it. The lid crashed down to the floor with a magnificent crash.

It drained out of her in an instant. Rey raised a hand and touched her head, ashamed and scared once again.

“I thought it was bad when men punched walls,” Rose said behind her. Rey looked back to see her with her arms folded, eyebrows raised, unimpressed.

Rey opened her mouth and then shut it again. “Look,” she said, fluttering a hand. She paused and said again, “Look.”

“You said that already,” Rose said. She moved to put her hands on her hips. Rey felt herself prickle.

“It’s not for no reason,” Rey said, gesturing to the garbage bin. “It’s – they rely on him too much.”

“Who’s him?” Rose asked, looking suspicious and almost knowing. Rey fluttered her hand again.

“Them, I mean. Black Squadron. They’re going to run the squad ragged. What if they’re driving them to exhaustion? He only just came back from that bacta mission – “

“A week ago,” Rose said. “Which is more of a break than most Resistance fighters are used to. And, since we’re talking about Poe, you should know he volunteered for that bacta mission.”

Rey paused. She looked at Rose, trying to decide if she should try to keep up the façade. “He what?”

“Volunteered,” now Rose looked smug. It made Rey want to turn on a heel and sprint in the other direction. “As soon as I told him about the bacta run they were going on, Poe volunteered. I wonder why.”

Rey clamped her mouth shut. She looked at Rose then the garbage can. She hurried to the can and set it upright and then said, “Don’t know. Gotta go.”

She ignored Rose’s now definitely smug look, passing her without looking at her. She focused on walking and not running back to the makeshift hangar. Rey hugged herself in the back, leaning on the wall of the temple, watching the sky.

Rey hated this feeling – this helplessness (this waiting). It was why, the second the X-Wings began to appear in the sky, she was bouncing on her feet, eyes peeled for one in particular. When Black One landed, she watched Poe push up the glass, dropping his helmet in the cockpit and jumping out on the wing, then jumping expertly off.

Rey didn’t wait for him to see her, sprinting at him full force, just like she did in the training room. This time she kept her feet on the ground and latched herself around his front, pressing her face into his neck.

She felt his oof more than heard it, the breath knocked from his chest. But he recovered quickly. He laughed a little, chest shaking. His arms came around her automatically, hugging her back.

“What, were you worried about me?” He said, light and teasing. She felt the rumble of it on her cheek.

“He almost got you,” she half-whispered. She felt Poe stiffen a little.

He said, a little too soft to be honest, “Nowhere close.”

(Poe volunteered. I wonder why.)

“Gods, you’re difficult,” she said into his flight suit, holding tight.

Poe’s arms grew minutely tighter around her. His head dipped to rest against hers. “Yeah,” he agreed easily.

///\\\
\\\///

After that, Rey began to notice things. Things that Rose also began to notice her noticing, which made Rey very, very uncomfortable.

Poe put a gross amount of sugar in his caf. Poe wore a ring around his neck and didn’t seem to care if everyone knew (who did it belong to?). Poe had very nice hands. Big hands. Probably good for... things. Working engine wires. That was it. Good for working on engines.

Unsure of what to do with this new information, she shoved it aside. Because you know what, having some kind of awakening about his – hands and their usefulness on engines – and almost witnessing his death all in one day? That was a lot to handle. She would deal with that one later.

///\\\
\\\///

Most of Finn’s time became tied up with the new recruits, who turned out to be mostly defected Stormtroopers. Rebels were, understandably, a little hesitant around them. Rey herself was a little hesitant around them; how many like them had she shot down unthinkingly, seeing the helmet and assuming evil?

Being around them made it easier. They didn’t judge her; in fact, they judged themselves more than anyone on base. A lot of them were in the mindset of atonement; they wanted to make up for their complicity, despite the forced beginning they all shared, and were willing to work to do it.

Rey found Finn in the training room, watching over them. They were mingling in with a couple of the flight squadrons – Red and Cobalt – and despite the initial misgivings of the pilots, it looked like things were going well.

“Hey,” Rey said lowly, sitting next to Finn on the weight bench. She leaned against him in greeting as well, and Finn returned it, dipping his head against hers. “How’s it going?”

Finn nodded, watching them. “Not bad,” he said. “They’re still fighting too recklessly, but they’re improving.” He paused and said, “This place is good for them, though. It just... feels good.”

Rey nodded. She knew what he meant. Ajan Kloss had good energy; the Force moved smoothly through it. For a long, long time –

“People were happy here,” Finn said, almost finishing her thought for her. Rey looked over at him, wondering something, and not for the first time.

But she turned her attention back to the room, shutting her eyes. She could sense the movement of the people who had since passed. Children giggling and running. People meditating in the courtyards, gathering flowers from the surrounding forest. They had evacuated this place during the first Empire. They wanted to protect this holy place, to keep it a secret. How better than to abandon it, and leave it to the nature it came from?

When Rey opened her eyes again, she saw Black Squadron coming in from training. Poe was looking at her, but his eyes darted away when she saw him. They returned to her again, his hand raising in a wave. Rey waved him over, but he pointed to his squadron. She watched him follow them and start to give them directions, sending them to the mats. She watched the squadron start push ups together, watching Poe move up and down, up and down.

“Rose’s treatments are almost over, right?” Rey asked. When Finn replied, she felt his cheek move against her head.

“Yep,” he said, “One more. She’s excited to be back to work full time. She really likes being in Command.”

She thought of Rose as she’d seen her the day before, commanding a team of slicers and decoders as they searched for Rebel signals in space. Her knowledge in mechanics and maintenance had proved handy, lending a new, practical knowledge base to the academic-heavy department. Rose was so effortlessly charming; it was no wonder Finn was blown away by her.

“When are you going to ask her out?” Rey asked, sitting up to look at him. Finn smiled down at his knees.

“I was actually going to ask you about that,” Finn said, looking up at her again. “Can I borrow the Falcon?”

Rey snorted. “No.”

“Ah, come on, Rey!” Finn said, “Just a little borrow. Just a little.”

“No way – not even I could convince Chewie of that.”

“I won’t take it off the ground? We’ll stay on the ground,” Finn negotiated. Rey began to nod. “My idea was a picnic – and let her take a look at some of the mechanics of it?”

Rey considered it, tapping a finger on her chin. Then she smiled, “That sounds like a great idea, Finn. Of course. But no joyrides.”

“Deal,” Finn said, holding out her hand. Rey shook it, smiling.

“Get some of that green juice,” Rey advised him, “She loves it. She drank a ton of it when we were in medical together.”

“Green juice. Got it,” Finn said, nodding. She watched his smile crack even wider. It warmed her, his enthusiasm. She was so, so glad he was happy.

///\\\
\\\///

“Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”

Leia had saved her question for the end of their session, once they were settled in chairs with tea. After beginning meditation with Rey, Leia had gone about her usual routine of missions. Rey was good at recognizing the cadence of Kaydel’s voice; the lower, louder questions from her head of Intelligence (always starting with probing questions about Rey’s reliability); of course, Poe’s warm voice, quiet and a little gravelly in the morning.

But Poe wasn’t followed by the usual check-in with the night manager of communications. Instead, Leia’s presence approached her and joined her in meditation once again, leaving the room in a calm quiet.

When their time was up, Leia gestured to a chair beside her desk, moving to pour them some tea. Rey curled up in the chair, crossing her legs and taking the tea with a smile, wrapping her hands around it.

“Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”

Rey looked down into her teacup, watching the steam rise from its surface. She said, “I saw Kylo Ren again.”

Leia nodded, like she’d already known this. She held her cup on her saucer and said, “This is the only time since Crait?”

Rey thought of waking with a jolt, certain he’d been breathing over her. But once she’d woke a little bit, once she’d become a little more lucid, she was able to separate those moments from the times on Ahch-To and Crait. She couldn’t feel his presence in the same way; she couldn’t smell him, all old sweat and fear and anger. Those, she was growing more and more certain, were nightmares.

“No, I don’t believe so. There have been a few times when I thought, but – they weren’t quite as real as that.”

Leia watched Rey, her expression sad, even guilty. Rey felt her defences rise, wanting to tell her that she was in no way responsible for what her son had become – it was his own hubris, his own refusal of the light. It was not Leia’s fault –

“When did you see him?” Leia asked, “Could you explain the context?”

“It was during the mission when Black Squadron was sent to help that rebel cell,” Rey said, “I saw – I was in the Falcon, thinking about it. Poe was off on the mission and Finn was vetting those ex troopers. I was worried about them. And then I was just – in Ren’s TIE, with him. But it was different.”

“How so?”

Rey tried to put her finger on it. “I had never seen where Ren was before – it was always like he’d appeared wherever I was. And he didn’t reach for me in the same way he had before. At first, I thought that was because of the battle, that he was focused. But I think it he didn’t realize I was there like I was. He spoke to me, in general terms. Maybe he sensed me, but I don’t think he knew I was sitting there, with him.”

“And then what happened?”

She remembered looking out of Ren’s viewport and seeing Bee looking back on him, spinning his head and probably urging Poe to turn. Rey pressed her hands hard around the teacup, almost afraid she would shatter it.

“I saw him go after Poe and Beebee. He was about to shoot them down.” Leia pressed her lips together, looking away. Rey continued, “I screamed. It shattered the glass of Ren’s viewport and he lost his lock on Poe. Then our connection cut off.”

Leia was quiet for a moment, contemplating. Rey took a drink of her tea, too fast, and it scalded her throat.

Finally, Leia said, “I wonder...” She paused again, gathering her words, and said, “I think back on Crait, the situation you described to me, when you closed the door on him? I believe you severed the bond.”

“What?”

“I think you must’ve. Otherwise he would’ve appeared since then. But the only time you see him is when you’re thinking about Poe – Poe, who happened to be in danger because of him at that moment.”

“Poe?” Rey felt herself go red just thinking of him, hoping against hope that Leia couldn’t sense it.

“You’re close,” Leia said, apparently choosing her words carefully. “What if, because of your closeness,” her tone became teasing and she let a brief smile touch her lips before she continued. Rey sunk back in her chair. “You accidentally sought out Poe’s signature. Every being in the universe has one. You could sense he was in danger, you sought out his signature, and you found him. You found the source of that danger. And then you eliminated it – with some kind of Force-enabled scream.”

Leia looked at her, now. She set her cup down and leaned forward, holding out her hand. Rey took it without hesitation, and Leia laid her other hand on top.

“You’re a very powerful Jedi, Rey. In just a few short weeks, you’ve understood something that had taken half of my life for me to comprehend.”

Rey looked into her eyes and asked, “What’s that?”

“You’ve learned to trust yourself. Trust your anger and your love in equal measure. And my best pilot owes you thanks for it.” Leia squeezed her, “I thank you, in any case. I know you don’t like thinking of yourself as a hero, Rey, but you, and all your friends – Finn and Rose and Poe and Beebee-Ate – you’re so powerful because you love so much. All that love is going to be the reason why we win.”

///\\\
\\\///

Rey always reached the mess at an odd time, after meditation and her morning workout, when only the latest risers were rushing through. Rey wasn’t a picky eater, however, so she didn’t mind taking the last little bits of everything, filling her plate high and going to sit far in the back.

She liked this part, too – the mess was always quiet at this hour. Rey loved having friends, of course she did. But had also spent over ten years on her own; she valued her time alone. She needed it to recharge, to be by herself for a little bit.

Rey began to eat but was interrupted by the appearance of one of the new recruits – a human man with blue hair, his clothes a little more dishevelled than the average rebel. Rey remembered him vaguely from the day before, when he’d been watching her in the gym. She remembered looking up at the weight bench to see him lounging against another machine. She’d thought it was rude, blocking the equipment like that.

“Hey,” he said, tilting his head at her. “I’m Naren.”

Rey chewed her food and considered him – he was new to the base, coming off a ship from the Mid Rim. There weren’t many others in the mess. Maybe he was looking for a friend.

She knew what that was like. Swallowing, she smiled and said, “I’m Rey.”

“I’ve heard of you,” he said. Rey smiled again, but internally, she cringed. She didn’t want to be whatever Rey he knew – if it was Hero Rey, Jedi Rey, Rey-Who-Watched-Han-Solo-Die, Rey-Who-Led-Luke-Skywalker-To-His-Death, Rey-Who-Could-Beat-Ren-Everywhere-Except-Where-It-Counted. She almost missed being nobody, when no one cared what her name was, let alone what she did.

“Where are you from, Naren?” She asked politely, trying to change the subject.

“Naboo,” he said, “Have you ever been?” Rey shook her head. “It’s beautiful. Maybe I can take you there sometime.”

Rey wanted to ask when – before or after they defeated the First Order? But she also wanted to be kind. She remembered what it was like to be new.

But the thing was – he kept going on. She mostly nodded and smiled, just trying to finish her breakfast. He wanted to know if she’d ever smelled a Naboo wildflower before? Did she want to hear about his daring escape from the First Order (it wasn’t really question, because he told her anyways)? Had she ever tried Corellian spiced wine? Would she like to?

Rey made a few statements about how she really needed to get on with her day, but Naren was either determined not to hear her, or genuinely couldn’t hear her over himself talking. She didn’t know which one was worse. Rey’s smile had completely disappeared, and she was staring blankly at him when she felt a touch on her shoulder.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Poe said, smiling and not looking sorry at all. He squeezed her shoulder, “The General needs to talk to you.”

Rey nearly leapt out of her chair, barely waving at Naren as she followed Poe. She took a couple of quick steps to fall in line beside him, “What does Leia want?”

“Oh? Nothing,” Poe said, shaking his head. “I was walking by and saw you. That looked painful.”

“Ugh,” Rey said, starting to giggle, “It was so bad. He wouldn’t stop talking about himself – I was just trying to be nice! But he wouldn’t stop!”

“You should’ve just told him you have a boyfriend.”

Rey abruptly stopped laughing.

Poe said it so easily, so matter-of-factly that Rey nearly believed it herself. But she slowed, processing his words, and only hurried to catch up after they had. “What boyfriend?”

Poe didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes ahead. His ease faltered a little, however. “Finn.”

“Finn is not my boyfriend,” Rey said, spitting it so vehemently that she almost felt bad for Finn. But now Poe was snapping to look at her, stopping entirely. He seemed to remember himself, though, and looked away from her again. Rey continued, also stopped beside him, “Finn’s – he’s my best friend. But that’s it.”

“Oh,” Poe said. “I saw you – back on the Falcon. I guess I thought – “ He cut himself off. He looked at her and away again.

She tried to pinpoint the time he was talking about. When, so soon after Crait, Finn had brought her to an escape pod to comfort her. When he’d walked in on them hugging and had stumbled out, apologizing. Rey shook her head. “Yeah. No. We’re not. Yeah.”

“Uh,” Poe said, “Yeah.”

They stood for a beat, Poe staring ahead and Rey staring just past his shoulder, at the crumbling, yellowish stone behind him.

“I should – “ He said, at the same time that she spoke.

“I’m supposed – “

They both stopped, looked at each other, and then away again. Poe said, “Black Squad’s waiting for me.”

“I’m supposed to help the quartermaster,” she said.

They finally looked at each other, making eye contact. They nodded at one another and walked in opposite directions. Rey’s heart was racing, for some reason.

///\\\
\\\///

The Resistance’s first major victory since Crait came a week later, when a coordinated attack on Star Destroyer support stations cuts destroyers at the knees, leaving them vulnerable to the attack that followed minutes later, led by Cobalt and Black Squadrons and supported by none other than Rogue One.

There was a party, because of course there was a party. The Resistance was in desperate need for a victory, and the party immediately popped off at the news, well underway by the time the fighters of the hour had arrived.

The pilots were swarmed the moment they arrived, plied with booze with music already blasting.

BROOP!

Rey grinned at Beebee flying towards her, twirling around her legs as he excitedly beeped about their heroics, highlighting his crucial role. She kneeled down as soon as he stopped in front of her, giving him an affectionate rub and laughing when he mimicked the sound of the Destroyers’ canons, aiming his optic sensor as if he was the canon itself.

BROOM!

Beebee mimicked the sound of the canon blowing, courtesy of his excellent aiming computers hooked into Black One, of course. He even rolled back for affect, whipping out his lighter and blowing the flame higher than she knew it could go.

“Woah, there, buddy, careful with that,” Poe appeared, flight suit shoved down to his waist. “There’s a lot of very flammable booze around here.”

[Don’t worry, Dad-Poe! I was telling Best-Friend Rey that I, Beebee-Ate, deserves DESIGNATION: hero and DESIGNATION: best agent in the Resistance]

Poe smiled, shaking his head, “Well, as long as you’re not getting too big a head about it.”

[Beebee-Ate, DESIGNATION: hero, has the optimal body proportions!]

Poe laughed, scratching the droid, who cooed at him, “Keep Rey company for me for a sec, buddy?” He flashed his eyes up at her, “I’m going to ditch the suit and get something to drink. You want something?”

Rey, who had been a little intimidated by the amount of booze, nodded. Poe would know how to navigate that much better than she would. He squeezed her elbow then passed her, heading for the bunks.

Beebee continued to chatter and Rey kneeled by him, listening to his play-by-play review of the events of their mission, complete with sound and special effects (he whipped out his lighter again, blowing the flame nearly a foot high, startling Rey backwards). Over his head, she could see Rose and Finn on the dance floor, dancing with their hands clasped. Rey smiled at them. She was glad the Falcon’s picnic lunch had gone well.

Poe returned soon, changed into civvies and holding two cups. He handed one over, “It’s not strong. We’re going to teach you how to drink the right way, Rey.”

“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip. It was sweet, but not too much so. There were berries floating inside, the same red ones she liked so much. “And congratulations,” she said, tipping her cup to him.

Poe shrugged, “Well, you know, I was mostly just assisting Bee.”

[That is true!]

Rey laughed, watching the little droid spin around them again. When she looked up, Poe was watching her.

“Wanna dance?” He asked, tilting his head to the impromptu dance floor, which was really just the expanse of grass between the larger ships and the parked X-Wings. Music was blasting from the speakers they usually used for alarms; Rey suspected Rose had something to do with it.

Rey beamed and nodded, letting him set their cups down and pull her by the hand to the floor, where the crowd was bouncing and spinning to the upbeat music. Poe took her hands and swung them back and forth between them, squeezing her hands.

“Spin!” He shouted over the music, letting go of one hand to set it on her waist, guiding her to spin. She laughed as she did, tossing her head back.

When she returned forward, Poe took her hand again, drawing it towards his chest. He pulled her in, too, closer so she could hear him.

“My mom taught me how to dance,” he said, “You wanna learn?”

Rey replied, somewhat cheekily, “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

Poe laughed, shaking his head, “No, properly I mean.” But Rey was already nodding.

“Just teasing,” she said, squeezing his hands.

Poe drew her in again, bringing one of her hands up to his shoulder. He set his on her hip, running a thumb over the bone. Then he explained the movement of their feet, counting it out with her while she stumbled into him and laughed.

“Aren’t Jedi supposed to be graceful?” He teased.

“I’m no Jedi,” she told him.

“Nah,” he said, quieter than his teasing, but he was close enough so she could still hear, “You’re better.”

They danced like that for hours, speeding up and slowing down with the music. Rey felt giddy – probably the effects of the alcohol she’d decided to try – and she couldn’t stop smiling. Her face hurt from it all that grinning, and her heart felt light, lighter than it had in ages.

But she didn’t have the stamina that others did. Soon the drink was making her sleepy, swaying a little too much on her feet.

“Alright,” Poe said finally, at the end of a song, “Time for bed.” She considered arguing just for the sake of it but decided against it. She was ready for bed, and Poe didn’t let go of her hand when the song ended. It felt like a reward for not arguing.

They stumbled through the halls together, and Poe’s arm somehow ended up around her waist, helping her walk in a straight line, their other hands still tangled together. Rey couldn’t stop giggling, which was apparently hilarious, because Poe’s ribs kept shaking against hers.

Rey missed the lip of a stair and tripped, but Poe caught her easily, hauling her back up, “Woah there, Sunshine,” he said, laughter in his voice. Rey beamed at the endearment, liking it a whole lot.

Finally, they reached her room. Poe palmed open the door and helped her inside, starting towards the bed until she protested.

“No, the window! The window is way better,” Rey said, pointing towards it. Spotting her bedroll there, Poe nodded, helping her there instead. He sat her down on the edge and pulled her shoes off, making her sigh loudly.

Poe chuckled, “Alright, let’s go. Bedtime.” He pushed her gently back against the bedroll. “Who knew Jedi were so bad at holding their liquor.”

“Hey!” Rey said, grinning and giggling behind the accusatory finger she pointed at Poe. “Not a Jedi, remember? You said I’m something better.” She slurred a little bit on the something, but it made Poe nod all the same.

“Of course. I stand by that,” he said, very seriously, but still smiling. He pulled her blanket up over her stomach. “Now, get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sure thing,” Rey said, pointing at him again. Poe took her hand and gently put it beside her, squeezing it once.

“Sweet dreams, Sweetheart.”

Rey hummed. “Mmm, g’night.”

///\\\
\\\///

Rey did not wake up with a hangover, despite whatever teasing Finn and Rose had ready for her for breakfast. Apparently, she’d indulged a little more than them, but she wasn’t embarrassed. She had fun and she remembered every stunning detail.

(Rey did not wake up with a hangover. She actually woke up to a cup of water beside her bed, and her boots lined up very neatly by the door.)

She had a few meetings scheduled, briefings for upcoming missions. Rey was a little late, sneaking in with Finn in the back. Command was busier than she’d expected, but they still found spots near the front, where she could look and see the huge holographic map and Leia, speaking at the center of it all.

Behind her, Poe was leaned back against the wall. When she spotted him, he was chewing his bottom lip. Rey watched the plush red get pressed down by his white teeth. She wondered what it felt like.

Poe caught her eye and she watched as he slowly released his lip, letting it glide out between his teeth. Unconsciously, she darted her tongue out to lick her own lips.

“Dameron.”

They both started, Leia looking at him with her back to Rey. Beside Poe, Jess elbowed him, snorting. Poe stood straight and stared at the map and then started an explanation a beat too late, glancing to look at Rey one last time.

Leia turned, looking for something. When she saw Rey, she started to smile.

///\\\
\\\///

Rey found herself with a rare few hours to herself, so she snuck back to the Falcon and fished out the Jedi texts she stole from Luke. She remembered taking them, half-vindictive, half-triumphant.

Unlike you, she’d thought, I’m actually going to use these.

She smiled at herself, looking back on that defiance fondly. She knew it annoyed the hells of out Luke at times, but she liked that streak about her. After all, it was a large part of her survival.

It had been a while since she got a proper climb in, so she put the text into a bag and slung it across herself, choosing the sunny side of the temple. The sides of the temple were easy to climb, with a lot of natural breaks in the stone and burrows built and abandoned by countless animals. Rey lifted herself carefully up the wall, finding a narrow ledge she could sit on about twenty feet up and sitting back on it, pulling her leg up and setting the old book on her knee.

She took a moment to look out over the forest, where green spanned on and on and on. She thought of Han and the look he’d given her on Takodana; her heart clenched.

Inexplicably, she thought of Kylo Ren. He had parents who loved him; he had an uncle who taught him. He had so much, and he threw it all away for what? Insecurity? He could’ve had all this and more, but he chose his path. And Rey was choosing hers.

She opened the text and settled in to read, tracing her fingers over the characters. They were battered in places, but nowhere near as brutalized as the scraped, warped lettering on the metal of fallen ships that Rey had taught herself how to read on. Tracing her finger over words was a habit she picked up from that, learning the shape of the letters with her eyes as well as her hands. If they were raised enough, she could read with her eyes closed.

But these words were not, of course. The texts told stories of peace and that strange, distant love of the Jedi, detailed instances of negotiations both kind and violent. In a lot of ways, the texts were just diaries, lessons told in stories that one had to glean for themselves. She liked them a lot. Of course, the lessons were valuable, but it was more than that. So many Jedi had been found and plucked from home, if they had one. Rey liked best the stories about the Jedi who came from nothing, who were lost or abandoned and found to serve this greater purpose. She wondered if she was like that; if someone would be reading her story one day.

The sun had begun to sink by the time Rey was interrupted, blinking away the dryness of her eyes when voices rung out below her. She looked over the edge and saw a trio of girls, arms linked and giggling, all leaning on one another. Rey’s heart clenched with longing; it was an automatic response; one she was still combatting even though she did have that too.

The girls collapsed under a nearby tree together, enjoying their evening off. They were giggling and chatting about something, their voices swirling up to Rey in her perch.

“Who would you pick then?” One of the girls asked, tugging her friend’s hair in her lap. Rey recognized one of them; she met her in the hangar the other day and helped her find a piece for her speeder. She was on patrol, but her engine had died on her, and Rey had helped her replace the faulty part. Her name was Anya.

“Bastian, on Red Squadron,” Anya said, sighing. “Hands down. Have you seen his smile? He’s probably so sweet.”

The third girl chimed in, “Jessika Pava, that pilot?”

The other two girls groaned, like this was a familiar story.

“You make out with her once,” one of them started, the one who brought up Jess’ name kicking her lightly.

“You haven’t answered the question still,” she shot back, “Who would you do?”

The girl thought for a moment before she spoke very deliberately, “Poe Dameron.”

Rey nearly dropped her book.

It was awkward to hear her friends talked about like that. But when Poe’s name was dropped, she felt her whole body get hot. Before she could inspect that thought, another girl continued.

“Ugh, did you see him in debrief yesterday? His hair all messy and his sleeve pushed up to his elbows like that? Ugh.”

But the third girl, the same one who liked Jessika, snorted. “Like he’d ever look at either of you. He only has eyes for the Jedi.”

 Rey froze again, clutching the book to her chest. She should just climb up the temple, go away. She probably shouldn’t listen to this conversation. She stayed completely still.

“Rey? She’s really nice, you know. Spent like, half an hour helping me fix my engine for patrol. Newsom would’ve had my head if she hadn’t helped me.” Rey felt flattered and somehow embarrassed about being remembered, smiling a little, happy to be helpful.

“Did you see them in the training room the other day?” The one with the crush on Jessika said, “She could punch him in the face, and he’d probably thank her.”

“No, I missed it. I was actually doing our assignment?”

“Well, you missed a show. He was on the treadmill, right? And she went on the one next to him. They were like, racing, trying to go faster than the other, and Poe totally overextended himself and went flying.”

“Oh, I saw that! He was on the floor.”

Rey hadn’t seen it, but she’d heard it – heard the smack of Poe hitting the ground and turned to see him crumpled up on the floor, holding the back of his head with a grimace. She’d jumped off and kneeled in front of him. Poe let her check the back of his head with a rueful smile, and she’d found a bump under all those unruly curls, somehow able to keep her focus on her worry rather than the feeling of those curls tangling up in her fingers.

“Couldn’t have been that bad,” one of the girls below her said. “Rey got him ice, sat next to him, and fussed over him. He looked just fine.”

Rey blushed, thinking of it. Had they really been that obvious? They’d eventually backed to sit up against the wall, Rey watching his pupils for any warning dilation, but instead getting caught on the scruff on his jaw and the crinkle beside his eyes whenever he smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The girl who mentioned Poe’s name initially. “Gods, they’re probably perfect for each other. They’re both gorgeous and like, war heroes.”

“Aw, don’t get too down,” one of the girls said, “What about Kaydel? She’s pretty hot, and she’s got that quiet sense of humor? You should go talk to her.”

The girls trailed off into a conversation about Kaydel’s emotional availability, but Rey tuned them out. She was thinking about the training room and Poe’s hands on her wrists and the laughter in his voice as he tried to convince her that he was fine.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d looked at her. His smile was like sunshine. He was always smiling at her like that.

Carefully, she slipped down from her perch, slipping unnoticed into the temple, taking the shortcut through to reach the hangar.

///\\\
\\\///

She was lucky Poe was predictable. He was picking at his X-Wing, Beebee whirling helpfully around his feet. The little droid saw her before Poe did, zooming to circle her feet.

“Hey, Bee,” she said warmly, kneeling and adjusting his antennae. Beebee detailed the maintenance they were completing on Black One, listing specs and parts in such a rapid-fire, enthusiastic way that she had to smile. When he finished, and Rey had asked all the appropriate questions, she said, “Do you mind if I borrow Poe for a minute?”

Breep-BROOP!

“Of course, I would ask you if I needed something,” she reassured him, his trembling chassis cuddling up to her hands, “I just need to speak to Poe specifically for a minute. You know, I know Artoo was looking for you earlier, anyways.”

Beebee quivered, and Rey knew she’d done the trick. Bee saw Artoo as his mentor and would go to him immediately. Bee made his decision; beeping a happy farewell, he zipped out of her grasp, veering towards command, where Artoo spent much of his time at Leia’s side. Rey smiled after him, still kneeling on the floor.

She felt eyes on her and turned to look at Poe, smiling down at her. He was wearing civvies, high-waisted olive pants and a white long sleeve with his collar open. He held out his hand to her, and she took it, letting him tug her up.

“Wanna talk?” She asked, tilting her head towards the Falcon. At Poe’s look, she said, “Take a break. Come sit with me for a bit?”

He was still holding her hand. He squeezed it, bringing up his other hand to hold it too, “Lead the way.”

Rey brought him to the Falcon, because she figured, if it went badly, she could get off planet as quickly as possible. Not that any part of her thought it would go badly – but she still had a tremble in her heart that warned her that she would be left behind, always, no matter what. It wasn’t always easy to quiet.

She let go of him once she was in the ship, leaning back against the wall with her hands pinned behind her. Rey wanted to squirm but forced herself to stay still, looking at the wall of the Falcon over Poe’s shoulder because, though she’d resolved to finally do this, she still couldn’t quite look at him.

“I’m...” She started, then trailed off. No. That wasn’t the way to go.

“It’s not about the Falcon, right?” Poe asked lowly, getting her attention. His face was grave. “Because I swear, that joy ride was all Beebee’s idea. I can’t be blamed.”

Rey blinked. Joy ride? What joy ride?

But then Poe was starting to slowly smile, and she got the joke. She laughed, feeling herself loosen, just as he’d probably hoped. It was why she was smiling, looser with relief that this was Poe, one of her best friends – she could tell him anything. It was why she was smiling when she said, “I really like you, Poe.”

Now Poe was all-out smiling, giving her that dazzling look that made her knees a little weak. He always looked at her like that – like she was home on the horizon as he flew in. “I really like you too, Rey,” he said, making her feel fluttery and a little off balance, but in a good way. Like hitting weightlessness in space, for those tight seconds during a chase.

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head a little and still smiling, “What I mean – I would like to kiss you. Can I please kiss you?”

Judging by the way Poe leaned back against the wall, eyes widening but still smiling, she hadn’t completely scared him. Just startled. Rey watched his breath escape him in a whoosh as she stood from the wall across from him, taking a tiny step forward. He didn’t stop her, so she took another.

“I think,” Poe said, opening his hands to be on either side of him, smiling at her, “That you are the most brave, incredible person, Rey.”

She stopped where she was, self-doubt catching up. Rocking a little in place, she said, “I need a yes or no.”

[She’d never done this before – kissed someone. But she wasn’t naïve, and her inexperience didn’t make her any lesser. She’d thought about this and she’d wanted this. It was just the first time she’d had anyone specific to want to do it with.]

“That’s a firm yes, Rey,” Poe said, standing and meeting her in the middle, cradling her face like she was something precious. “Never going to be anything else.”

And then he leaned in, slowly, like he sensed her nagging insecurities. Then he was kissing her.

It was the first time she held a lightsaber, the first time she piloted a ship. It was like landing on Ajan Kloss after days of stale air in the Falcon. It was like coming home.

Then Poe was backing himself up carefully, holding Rey to him, so he was leaned back against the wall again and she felt she could lean against him, making a little groan come out of him that Rey felt all the way to her toes.

And then Rey, who was inexperienced but not naïve, carefully swiped her tongue across his lips. He opened for her and now it was her making that little noise, while Poe’s arms slid around her waist, holding her tightly against him.

When they broke away, they were both breathing hard. Rey liked the way his chest rose and fell against hers, liked the pressure of his warm, solid build.

“I’ve had this exact fantasy,” Poe confessed, making her laugh again, but breathlessly.

“Kissing in the Falcon?” Rey asked. Poe’s hands slid down a little, his fingers just brushing the top of her ass, and she almost sighed again.

“Kissing you,” Poe said, leaning in to press a quick peck to her mouth, like he was determined that, now that he could, he’d do it as much as possible. “In the Falcon. Or in Black One. I mean, I’ve thought about kissing you just about everywhere, but ships definitely top that list.”

Rey laughed again – what a dork – and then she settled even closer, dropping her forehead carefully against his. “I’ve thought about kissing you everywhere, too,” she admitted, making his eyes light up. “But I wasn’t thinking about location.”

Poe let out a half-laugh, half-groan, moving to kiss her again. He was a little more aggressive this time, pressing harder into her, and she loved the way his fingers crept into her hair, the way his mouth pressed firmly against her mouth.

Rey broke the kiss, feeling breathless and a little overwhelmed. Poe kissed her cheek, sweetly, making her smile. She burrowed her way into the junction of his neck and his shoulder, smiling hard against him. Poe hugged her tight, pressing his mouth into the shell of her ear.

“Gods, Rey,” he said, quietly, “You’re perfect.”

Her mind flashed back to when she was in medical and he came to check on her. The way he’d taken care of her, carefully tending to her wound with a tenderness she had very little experience with. It made her melt against him a little, holding tighter.

///\\\
\\\///

Rey emerged from her room the next morning to find Poe waiting in the hall for her, his arms crossed as he watched the floor. When she opened the door, his eyes jumped up, and he smiled sheepishly.

“Good morning,” he said, stepping forward. “Can I kiss you?”

Rey smiled and nodded, stepping to meet him in the middle, kissing him. Poe clearly meant to kiss her quickly, but Rey curled her fingers into his shirt and held him close, using her tongue, like she had the day before.

Poe’s arms circled her waist and stayed there when he pulled back to say, “Good morning.”

Rey laughed, “You already said that?”

“Huh,” Poe said, reaching up to curl some of her hair behind her ear. “I forgot.” He smiled, his thumb gliding up her stomach from her hip. “Can I walk you to Leia’s?”

She nodded and they pulled apart, moving down the hall. They’d talked for a long time yesterday and decided that, while they weren’t planning on keeping it secret or lying, they didn’t want to advertise anything. Rey felt like she already had a lot of eyes on her; she didn’t think she could handle more.

Feeling bold due to the earlier hour, however, she brushed her hand against Poe’s, wanting to touch him. Poe caught her fingers in his and laced them together, smiling at her.

///\\\
\\\///

Things didn’t actually change that much in the following weeks. The war went on; they continued risking their lives and fighting for justice. They also got more knowing looks from Leia, when Poe began to find more and more excuses to hang around while Rey was training, but that made Rey feel more loved than embarrassed. Rose cheered when they told her and Finn, and Finn put his arms around both of them, kissing them both in their hair.

Rey hadn’t realized that her happiness would make so many other people happy. It was one of those consequences of having friends that Rey hadn’t fully expected but completely welcomed.

Rey had figured Black Squadron would catch on pretty quickly, and they probably did. But they didn’t say anything to her, aside from the occasional teasing comment or look. But Rey knew they did because of the flood of invitations she suddenly got from Black Squadron, who all seemed determined to get to know her better for their Captain. Rey was glad. It made her happy that so many people were invested in Poe’s happiness, too.

They finally had to stop outright hiding their relationship about a month in, however. Leia was called off planet for a couple days, travelling with Lando to make a deal with a supplier, so Leia told Rey to meditate in her room instead. Somewhat mischievously, Rey invited Poe to her quarters for the night – she wasn’t disobeying her orders. She would still meditate in her own room. Just... she wouldn’t be alone.

When she woke, Poe was curled behind her. She could tell he was already awake by the way he was trailing slow kisses from her neck to her shoulder, pausing to linger on a bruise she’d gotten in training the day before. Rey sighed, pressing back into him a little more and Poe mumbled against her skin, “Morning, sweetheart.”

Rey pulled away and turned over to kiss him properly. Poe had recently introduced her to the benefits of kissing like this, in bed, and Rey was eager to explore all the possibilities it opened up. She tugged at his hip and he rolled over her, holding himself up on his hands but letting enough of his weight to fall on Rey that she could feel him pressing against her.

Poe slowed the kiss to a point of pulling away, dropping a couple of brief kisses on her mouth. Rey opened her eyes and looked at him, still positioned over her. She couldn’t help the giddy smile that worked over her mouth, “Morning, Poe.”

Poe leaned in to kiss her again, but it was harder this time, because they were both smiling and started laughing into each others’ mouths, laughing at nothing but each other, and their own happiness.

A knock at the door had them breaking apart again. Poe sat up and grabbed his pants from the floor, pulling them on over his boxer briefs while Rey pulled the covers up and over her chest, since she was only wearing one of his shirts and underwear.

“Morning, lovebirds,” Jess’ loud, bored voice said. “Knew I’d find you here,” she said to Poe. “Hello, Rey,” her eyes darted over to Rey, who felt herself go bright pink, sinking back in the bed. Jess almost smiled. She shoved something into Poe’s arms, then turned back to him. “Take the morning, Captain. We can handle drills without you.”

Then Jess looked at Rey and winked before turning, swanning off to get into some trouble or other. Poe let the door slide shut behind him and turned to Rey.

When Poe turned, he was smiling a little sheepishly, “Sorry.” Poe walked to the bed and sat, setting the tray Jess had given her down. It was full of breakfast – the best of the lot, which you always had to rise early to get. “Jess is – she’s just like that. I’ll tell her to buzz off.”

“Don’t,” Rey said, smiling. “I don’t mind.”

Poe reached forward and curled her hair back. “They’re nosy,” he said, “My squad. But they’re family. And so are you, Rey. You’re my family too.”

She watched him for a minute, Poe who was so kind and sweet and unabashed about his feelings – who was patient with her, and so respectful and understanding. Just watching him sit there and smile... she had a really good feeling about this.