Chapter Text
Rey walked into the hospital at nearly ten at night. She drove there with a heavy foot on the accelerator, praying silently that no one would pull her over, but still the nearly two hundred miles between Chicago and Indianapolis couldn’t be traversed in an instant. She hadn’t slept since the night before, and the emotional tide of the day left her feeling drained as she strode to the nurses’ desk. She had gone from the highest of highs this morning —she could scarcely believe it was still the same day— to the most earth shattering of lows. From the instant that Leia had called her and in hurried tones gave her a basic rundown of what had transpired, she had turned off all emotion. She had been razor focused on just getting back here and sorting things out; she didn’t have time to let her emotions overcome her.
But now as she strode in, she could feel her internal rope tightening, fraying with each passing second. “Hello, I’m here for Sheev Palpatine.”
“And you are?” the nurse asked warily, looking at Rey. She had had only enough wherewithal on leaving to hastily stuff her suitcase in her car. Honestly, she would have just left it if her car hadn’t been parked outside of Rose and Finn’s apartment. Her appearance was bedraggled and spoke of a different place and occasion than this. She had been dressed for dinner and then she’d practically sprinted to the bus stop to get back to Lincoln Park. Her friends had insisted on at least riding with her in a cab. She’d worried at her hair until it was an utter mess the entire ride. And then she’d run, taking the stairs two at a time and grabbed her keys, her belongings— breaking a heel in her haste hadn’t even been enough to stop her mad dash, she’d merely shoved her feet in a pair of worn sneakers — and then she had piled herself into the car. Rey had looked at the gas tank and purposely drove on, and the car pulled into the Indianapolis city limits running on nothing but vapors.
“I’m his granddaughter,” she replied to the nurse tersely.
“Do you have any identification?” the nurse — Judy , Rey observed her name tag— replied with suspicion. “It’s past visiting hours, and-“
“I don’t give a fuck about visiting hours,” Rey practically screeched, the stress of the day finally weighing down on her. “Let me see my grandpa right now!”
“Rey,” someone said softly behind her and she turned to see Leia. Without thought, she let herself be pulled into a hug. She was overwhelmed and tired and god it felt good just to give in to it for a moment. She heard Leia speak from over her shoulder, “What do you need?”
“I just have to verify who she is,” the nurse said, her voice a muffled blur as Rey’s tears started to flow, “The state requires it by law.”
“I helped write some of those laws,” Leia grumbled, pressing Rey into a seat and gently prying her purse from her hands. Rey didn’t fight her, and the older woman rifled around until she pulled Rey’s license out and handed it to the nurse. “There, is that enough evidence for you?”
It must have been, because Leia beckoned for Rey to follow her and then Rey’s feet were moving with unnatural speed. She practically ran around the corner and burst into the room holding her grandfather. He was asleep on a bed and she walked over to the chair beside him and sunk down, taking his hand in hers. He seemed to start at the contact and she immediately backed off as he regained consciousness. His eyes darted around his surroundings and then landed on her. All of her grandfather’s apprehension seemed to melt at the sight of her face. “Rey, where am I?”
“You-You’re at the hospital, grandpa,” Rey said, her voice cracking a bit from the strain. She could feel the backs of her eyes sting with the effort to avoid crying again.
He looked around, at the equipment and it seemed to verify the truth. He nodded, and let out a sigh before asking softly, “Are we leaving soon?”
Rey turned around to look at Leia who merely shook her head, and then looked at her grandfather again, “Erm, I’m working on it, I promise, grandpa. We’ll be home soon. Just-just rest for a bit and then we’ll be going home.” He looked uncertainly at her but just nodded again.
A half hour of asking and waiting and talking was enough to inform Rey that they wouldn’t be going home that night. Leia had only a small amount more information than Rey, but trailed after her as she inquired with the head nurse. In that time Rey didn’t ask about Ben; it was too much right now. And Leia didn’t say anything until after the nurse broke the news that the hospital was required to come up with a “safe discharge plan” in conjunction with someone from the state. Rey would have to meet with the representative the following day, because of course it was the middle of the night and she couldn’t be reached until morning.
Afterwards, Leia cleared her throat and put a hand on Rey’s arm, “Rey, we need to talk about Ben.”
“What?” Rey asked, blinking stupidly at her.
“The police will need you to make a statement. There’s a lot of confusion, and I need you to help clear it up,” Leia said softly, but her tone was now businesslike. “We can do it in the morning if you want, but the sooner the better.”
Rey nodded, “What do you need me to do?”
Leia explained the process and made a phone call. Afterwards she said with a sigh, “They’ll probably come in tomorrow before you meet with the social worker. We can get everything wrapped up then. For now, you need to rest.”
“Will you stay with me?” Rey asked, feeling a bit like a small child. “When the police come?”
Leia looked conflicted, her face filling with discomfort as she responded, “I would, dear, but I can’t be here, legally speaking, when you give your statement. I’ll stay a while longer though.”
Rey nodded and Leia followed her back inside of the hospital room. A friendly nurse came in and asked if Rey would like a cot. She nodded and then laid herself down on the creaky makeshift bed as soon as it was set up. Leia stroked at her hair as she lay there, and Rey dozed in and out of an uneasy sleep as exhaustion finally overtook her.
When she woke up, she was alone with her grandfather who was absently flipping through the channels on the old television. The wall clock read out six-thirty. “Good morning,” she croaked, and her grandfather looked at her for a moment with a sympathetic smile.
“Good morning, dear,” he said, “Are you feeling better now?”
“Feeling better?” she asked him with a furrowed brow.
“You must have been feeling ill for us to be in the hospital,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I’ve already talked to the nurse. She said you’re doing much better today.”
Rey swallowed a lump in her throat and tried to cover it with a cough, “Oh, yeah, grandpa. Much better. We’ll be out of here really soon.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” he replied cheerfully, “Don’t worry, Rey, they’ll get you fixed up. In the meantime, let’s see what they have on the telly.” And then he was back to flipping through the channels as Rey rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She found herself telling these half-truths to her grandfather more and more these days. It was easier than trying to tell him something that would make him frightened and upset. She lay back on the sheets that smelled strongly of bleach, joining him in watching some mindless infomercial that was the only thing running this early in the morning, until a nurse came in and cleared her throat.
Rey looked up at the woman who gestured to a pair of uniformed officers and a dark-skinned young woman who didn’t look much older than Rey herself. “You have…visitors.”
“Grandpa,” she said, and he glanced over at her, “I’m just going to go check in on a few things, okay? I’ll be right back, I promise.” He nodded perfunctorily and went back to watching the television. She slipped out into the hallway, her limbs feeling like lead, and approached the group of people.
“Are you the next of kin for Sheev Palpatine?” the woman asked, and Rey nodded.
“Yes, that’s me. I’m his granddaughter,” she replied.
“And that’s, Rey, correct?” the woman pressed, and once again Rey responded with a nod. The woman extended a hand that Rey gingerly accepted. “Excellent, I’m Korr Sella with the Department of Human Services. I was told they informed you a bit about what would happen today?”
“I was told that we needed to make a plan before they’d let me take my grandpa home,” Rey responded sharply.
“Yes, that’s our protocol in this type of situation,” Korr Sella replied, her tone already taking on that soothing, saccharine characteristic that everyone seemed to have when they wanted to treat someone “delicately”. “If you have some time, I think we can get everything straightened out this morning.”
Rey followed the three down the winding hallways of the hospital and into a little conference area. She felt a bit like she was being interrogated as she sat facing them and picked at the stack of old magazines on the fake wood laminate table top. “What do you need me to tell you?” Rey asked, not looking up at the officers or the social worker or the beige paint on the walls of the cramped room.
“Well,” Korr started and if she noticed Rey’s sour mood, she didn’t comment on it. “These gentlemen are here to speak with you about the circumstances that led to yesterday’s events. I’m interested, myself, and I’ll likely ask you the same questions, but we can do our interviews together or separately. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“Together is fine. I just want this to be over with,” Rey said, her patience threadbare. Korr nodded to her and one of the officers started asking her questions about where she had been the previous day, who Ben was in relation to her and her grandfather, and the nature of her grandfather’s condition. Rey answered each question with clipped responses, feeling the eyes of the second police officer flickering between the laptop he was recording everything on and her face as if searching her words for artifice. She surrendered her license to them once more as they processed her statement and when they finally both left, Rey felt completely drained. She didn’t want to keep talking to Korr Sella but didn’t see any other option.
“I’d just like to start by saying that I think this is a simple misunderstanding,” the woman said when the police officers were no longer in earshot, as if sensing the palpable tension in the room.
“A misunderstanding?” Rey asked curtly.
“Yes,” Korr nodded, “I’ve looked at the report that the hospital filed yesterday, and everything seems to check out with your story. Apart from his condition, he seems to be very well taken care of, Rey. I’d like to send both of you home today, but first we need to discuss the next steps.”
“Next steps? This isn’t it ?” Rey waved a hand as she tried to hold back the stress of the last twelve hours, but it was seeping out in her voice.
“Unfortunately, not,” Korr replied sympathetically, “The state is getting involved because this is the second incident on file regarding Mr. Palpatine. There was yesterday, but also one about two years ago now, correct?”
“But I came back ,” Rey responded, searching for words to justify herself, to prove to this Korr Sella that she wasn’t needed. “Why does the state need to-to investigate us? I’m there every day!”
Korr Sella had that same passive, sympathetic look on her face again as she interjected, “I don’t want you to think of this as an investigation, Rey. I’m not a judge or a detective, I’m just simply someone trying to make sure that things are running smoothly for everyone involved. That includes you too.”
“Everything is running smoothly,” Rey bit out. “We’re doing fine .”
The other woman let out a sigh, and Rey couldn’t help but feel a bit patronized, “I’m sure that you are, but if you’ll indulge me. The state requires that I meet with you both a few times just to assess everything. If everything goes well, I’ll be out of your hair in no time, I promise. So, let’s talk a bit about what that looks like and we can get you both on your way today, okay?”
Rey nodded and Korr pulled a folder with the Indiana Department of Human Services logo printed on the front. Rey flipped through where it outlined the process and had what she presumed were supposed to be helpful pamphlets for elderly care inside. Rey listened as Korr Sella talked her through the next month and what it would look like for her and her grandfather. They set an appointment for the following week to perform an “in-home assessment” —the first of several— and Rey finally, finally got the go-ahead to leave the hospital.
Her grandfather seemed to be as tired as she was as she helped him into the passenger side of her car, and she couldn’t wait to just get home already. The forty-five-minute drive back to Chandrila from Indianapolis was spent in relative silence and her grandfather began to doze beside her as the road passed underneath them. Rey rolled down the window as they hit the halfway point, her eyes feeling heavy despite the fitful bout of rest she’d gotten back at the hospital. She pulled into the driveway of the home she shared with her grandfather at last and came around to gently rouse him.
As she began to guide him inside, she caught a glimpse of Ben, hovering at the side of the yard and looking like he would burst from agitation. She shook her head at him as she unlocked the door.
If she dragged her feet getting her grandfather situated in his armchair and making sure he was completely at ease, if was only so that she could try to organize the tangle of thoughts and emotions she was experiencing before talking with Ben. But Ben wasn’t going to give up that easily, and she heard a sharp rapping on the backdoor. Rey took a deep breath before, seeing her grandfather settle back into his nap, she made her way out to speak with Ben.
Ben had been pacing for the better part of several hours that morning. He knew he needed to talk with Rey. He also knew that when he’d used his phone call to contact his mother instead of her that he had made a choice. He’d had time to think about what that choice said as he’d gone back to the holding cell and waited for Leia to arrive. And then she had, and his mother had chided the police officers, many of whom she knew from her previous work at her law firm, about needing a moment to “speak with her client”.
As soon as they were alone in the room he’d frantically asked, “Is he okay? What’s going on, mom?”
Leia sighed, rubbing her temples slightly at the sudden onslaught of questions, “They won’t tell me anything, Ben. The only thing I know is that he’s being transferred to Indianapolis, and even that wasn’t something they wanted to just tell me . I had to ask on Rey’s behalf, but that doesn’t go past this room.”
“Have you-have you talked to her?” he pressed, panic rising in his voice, “Is she mad at me?”
“Ben,” his mother said sharply, “I need you to calm down. Rey’s on her way home. I’ll meet her at the hospital this evening. The two of you can sort everything out together tomorrow, but right now we need to talk about you.”
“Well, just have Rey tell them to drop the charges,” he interjected, wanting to get back their previous topic of conversation.
Leia might have looked amused under different circumstances as she said, “You watch too much television, Benjamin. That’s not how these things work, unfortunately.”
“So, what, I’m going to get sent to jail because of a mistake?” he asked incredulously.
“ No ,” his mother responded firmly, “and if you’ll give me just a moment, I’ll explain what’s going to happen.” He opened his mouth to speak again but shut it under his mother’s reproachful glare. He gave her a nod and she continued, “Tonight, your father is going to pay your bail,” Ben winced at the thought of his parents now having to literally bail him out, but didn’t say anything, “ You’re going to go home, and wait to hear from me. Then I’m going to go to talk with Rey. She’ll need to speak with the police and make a statement regarding your situation, and then after that the prosecution will drop the charges. I’ll speak to Gial myself if I have to. I swear, I didn’t think that Chandrila was so unexciting that the police didn’t have better things to do with their time. When I see Wedge again, I’m going to give him a piece of my-” She launched into an emphatic tirade then, that fire in her eyes.
“Thank you, mom,” he said quietly, and it brought his mother up short. Ben picked at a spot on the table in front of them before continuing, “Thank you for…everything, really.”
“Oh, Ben,” she said, her eyes shimmering slightly as if in imminent danger of misting over. “Honey, this isn’t your fault, and you know that your father and I would do anything for you. We love you.”
He nodded, his own eyes feeling slightly watery, and came forward to hug his mother. She pulled back from him and her eyes were slightly damp now. She blotted at them with a handkerchief from her purse and then patted his face with a sniff.
After his mother left, he’d waited in the holding cell again until his father arrived to pick him up. They hadn’t exchanged many words and Ben was too agitated afterwards to do anything but wait. Leia called him late in the evening to let him know that she was there with Rey.
“I’ll be there soon,” he had said, already reaching for his keys.
“No,” Leia replied firmly, “You shouldn’t be anywhere near the hospital until after Rey has made a statement. That’s the best way to ensure that all the charges are lifted, Ben.”
“But-“ he had started to argue.
“Just trust me, Ben. I hate this as much as you, but please , just listen to me for once.”
And that had been the end of the conversation. Logic had begrudgingly won out, but it only added to the pile of guilt that he was harboring about the impending conversation he’d need to have with Rey. He’d rushed his mother as soon as she arrived home in the early morning hours, but she had precious little to tell him.
He spent the rest of the night barely sleeping. The light of day woke him, and he set about pacing, wearing a track in the front lawn as he waited for Rey to come home. He needed to speak with her, needed to know that everything would be fine— that they were fine. When he finally saw her pull into the driveway, he wanted nothing so much as to rush to her side and start to explain. The discouraging shake of her head had been enough to nix that idea. So, he waited and waited and waited. He kept checking his watch incessantly, thinking she’d have to come out and speak with him. Had it only been an hour? His patience and his nerves were worn to the barest thread and at last his restless agitation won out. Ben stepped over the fence and went to the backdoor where he hesitated just for a moment before rapping smartly. He tried to control his urge to pace again as he heard the shuffling inside.
The door creaked open and Rey peeked her head out to look at him. Her eyes were red and the dark circles that had started to take permanent residence under them were deeper and more shadowed than normal. “Ben, I- I don’t really have time to talk right now.”
“Please, Rey, just let me explain,” he said in a rush, running his hand through his hair.
Her voice was guarded as she furtively glanced inside the house, as if deciding something, and then stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind her. “Okay, please explain. Explain how I was gone for a day, a day , Ben, and now I have an entire mess to clean up.”
“I-“ he started, but words were failing him. “You’re upset.”
At the lame ending of his statement, it was as if a levy had broken and emotion was welling out of Rey in a sudden burst. “Keen observation. Did you know that that state is sending a social worker to investigate me, Ben?” she asked, her voice breaking. “How could you let this happen? What if they take him away and stick him in some home because they don’t think I’m good enough?” Ben tried to reach out to her, but she batted his hand away. And then some dark voice seemed to whisper in his ear, echoing her grandfather’s words to him. You don’t deserve her.
“Well, how was I supposed to know that he’d have an-an episode?” Ben bit back defensively. “That’s something you should have told me.”
Rey closed her eyes, her brows digging down as she looked like she was struggling to hold something back. Her mouth turned down in a scowl and then she blew out a breath. Her features grew neutral as she regarded him, “You know what you’re right. I’m not mad at you, Ben.”
“You’re not?” he asked cautiously, not daring to believe it as every warning bell in his head went off and told him that that storm had yet to pass.
“No, I’m not. I’m mad at myself . I should have expected this, it was-was stupid of me to think that maybe-“ and she blew out a breath. “Nevermind.”
“No, I’m actually incredibly interested to hear what you have to say,” Ben replied, his hackles beginning to rise. “What did you mean?”
“I didn’t mean anything, ” Rey responded, her voice tight.
“What, were you just waiting for me to screw up then?” he asked, powerless to stop his words. “You said you expected this. Well,” and he let out a sardonic laugh,”join the club of people disappointed in me, Rey.”
“Don’t twist my words on me, Ben,” Rey hissed, shooting a look back at the door. “Not everything is about you. It just means-just means that I need to work harder.”
“I never said it was about me. And work harder? Rey you need help . That’s what you need. He’s not okay, and you’re not okay either,” Ben replied.
“Yeah?” she shot back. “You look after him for a couple of days and suddenly you’re an expert on my life? If you hadn’t noticed, I was doing just fine on my own before you came back, Ben.”
“See that’s your problem right there,” he said and waved a hand in her direction.
“Oh, so now I’m a ‘problem’?” Rey countered sarcastically, crooking her fingers in the air around the word. “Well, I’m so sorry to inconvenience you, Ben.” Her voice was rising and so was his as the argument continued to escalate, and right now Ben didn’t give a damn who heard them.
“No,” he said in an exasperated huff, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You always think you need to do this by yourself. But you can’t, Rey.”
“Well how would you know?” Rey yelled, “You haven’t even been here.”
“I’m here now ,” he retorted, “And it’s obvious. Everyone but you can see it. This is killing you, Rey. You’re barely sleeping, you’re running yourself ragged, and you’re trying to add more on top of it.”
“Well, then the solution is simple,” she said, looking away from him and her voice broke as if tears were imminent. “I just can’t take the job. Not anymore.”
“No, you don’t get to do that, Rey,” Ben said fiercely. “Not after everything.”
“And you don’t get to tell me what to do,” she replied stubbornly.
“You have to take this chance,” he tried to plead, “Do you want us to just be stuck here forever?”
This turned out to be the wrong thing to say, but it didn’t hit Ben until she’d stilled completely. The fight had gone out of her as if a match was being extinguished. Her voice was low as understanding washed over it, “So that’s what this was about all along, wasn’t it?”
“What are you talking about?” he asked bitterly.
She looked up at him and there was a distrustful look in her eye as she backed away toward the door, “You didn’t care about me getting this job. You didn’t actually want to help me with my grandpa. You-you don’t care at all, do you?”
“No, Rey-“ he started, sudden panic welling inside as he realized how quickly the argument had morphed into something else entirely. Ben tried once again to touch her but she was already retreating, opening the door to the house.
“You just wanted me to take the job so you could get out of Chandrila, didn’t you? Didn’t you?”
“No!” he denied it quickly, but then his face must have betrayed him, “I mean, I don’t know. Maybe part of me thought about that, but Rey, you know that’s not what this was about.”
“How can I believe that? You’ve done nothing but complain about being here ever since you got back, Ben. Well, nothing’s stopping you. If you want to leave so bad, then just go. You’re good at it,” she said the last words spitefully and tried to shut the door in his face. He reached out a hand, wincing slightly as the wood of the door scraped his knuckles.
“No,” Ben replied forcefully, “I’m not leaving you. Not again.”
The anger faded from Rey’s voice again and her face was set as she said quietly, “I think-I think you really need to leave, Ben.” She looked at the floor and tried to close the door again. He wouldn’t let her and pushed back against it. “I-I can’t deal with this right now. I have too much to think about and you’re…”
“I’m what?” he pressed on angrily, the words coming out of him despite his brain telling him he didn’t want to hear her answer.
“You’re a distraction,” she answered and then there were tears flowing freely from her eyes. She looked shocked at the admission.
“No. You’re trying to push me away, Rey,” Ben replied, his heart sinking at her words. “Just stop it. Listen to what I’m trying to tell you.”
“You’re just a dream, Ben,” she sniffled, ignoring him as she continued. “A dream of some stupid lovesick kid, and I didn’t see that until now. I wanted you to be this-this knight in shining armor for me, and I just wasn’t looking. Maybe…. Maybe if things were different, I don’t know, but they’re not so-“
“Are you-are you breaking up with me?” he asked with disbelief, the words tasting like ash.
“No!” Rey responded swiftly and then averted her eyes, “Fuck, I don’t know. I just need some space right now. I can’t think with you around, and you’re not the one who’s suffering because of it.”
“You need…space?” he echoed, his own face contorting and he felt like a wounded animal as he tried to shove past her. He wasn’t sure what he planned to do, but Ben was sure that if he could just get her to open the door, he could convince her to change her mind.
“Yes. Space. So please go, Ben. I need you to go,” she was sobbing now as she tried to push him out, her hands still braced on the door for support.
He wouldn’t budge, his bulk too much for her to move. He tried more forcefully to open the door, desperate to get inside, to keep her talking, but as he started to say, “Rey, wait, lis-“ he watched in slow motion as she drew back a leg and struck him hard on the shin. He reeled backwards, his hands coming away to clutch at his leg. “Fuck, Rey, that hurt!”
She’d slammed the door and bolted it and he could barely make out her muffled, “Go away, Ben!”
“Rey, please, sweetheart, open the door,” he cried pitifully, sinking to his knees. “Please, don’t do this.” He feebly pounded on it, but the door remained shut. He thought he could hear crying from the other side, but he couldn’t really be sure. Ben couldn’t say exactly how long he sat there, his forehead resting against the backdoor of Rey’s house, but eventually he felt a gentle tug on his arm. He turned around, eyes reddened and swollen and looked to see his mother by his side. She was attempting to pull him away —albeit not successfully— away from the door.
“Come on, Benjamin, it’s-it’s time to come home,” she said, her own voice full of emotion.
He let himself be led away as he felt himself weakly protest, “But-“
It wasn’t until they’d crossed over the fence and were nearly to the stoop that he let himself feel the frustration inside. That stoop where he’d sat with her thousands of times over the last twenty years. He broke away from his mother and turned to the trash cans sitting by the side of their house and aimed a particularly vicious kick at them before letting out a howl of anguish, from physical or emotional pain he couldn’t be entirely sure. He stepped wordlessly past his mother and practically sprinted up the stairs to his bedroom. If she wouldn’t listen to what he had to say, maybe he could just send her a note. He frantically scrambled at his desk, knocking pens over the place as he tried to find a piece of paper. He hastily scribbled something onto it, folding it into the familiar shape and went to his window.
But her curtains were drawn. And her window was shut.
Rey’s window stayed shut for the next week. She was mysteriously absent from the outdoor world; he hadn’t even seen her so much as come collect the mail. When he asked Lando when she was working, he’d given him the run around before his Uncle said, “Sorry kid, I gave her the week off.”
At the end of several days of estrangement between them, Ben was desperate to talk to her, to smooth things over. The only hint that she was alive was the sight of an unfamiliar car in the Palpatine driveway and a young woman entering and leaving several hours later. After a few days of moping, his dad pushed him to go back to the shop. That made it even harder to find a time to catch Rey and he was visibly distracted. He’d tried calling her and texting her, but there was no response to any of his messages. Even after Ben got the news that all charges against him had been dropped, there was nothing but radio silence from Rey.
He was in the middle of drafting another long-winded apology from behind the shelter of an SUV raised on the hoist when a large clap on his back startled him. He jumped and nearly sent his phone flying as his father asked innocently, “Still not talking to you, huh?”
Ben recovered, placing a hand over his pounding heart and shot a dirty look at Han. He breathed a sigh of frustration out before saying hotly, “No.” And then his face dropped and the sadness he’d been burying under layers of anger seeped in, “I’ve tried, but she’s just being so…. difficult. If I could just get her to listen to me, I know I could fix this.”
“Mm,” Han said, looking up at the undercarriage of the car. “Sounds like a real dilemma. Can you hand me that socket, thirteen millimeter?”
Ben gave his father a look before picking up the requested tool and shoving in his direction. “A dilemma?” he deadpanned, wanting this conversation to be over with already.
Han’s head cranked upwards, focusing on some part or other, “Have you tried sending her flowers? Flowers usually do the trick. Women love flowers.”
Ben blinked at his father, surprised into silence. He found his voice again, irritation evident, “Flowers? Are you joking? And since when did you become an expert on what women want?”
“Years of practice, kid,” Han replied with a wink, turning his head to take in his son. “Besides, don’t you ever wonder how I managed to get out of the doghouse all these years?”
“Not really,” Ben huffed, “Besides, since when did flowers ever fix things between you and mom? You still fought again the next day or the next week. I didn’t see flowers stop any of that.”
Han sighed, stepping back and setting the socket wrench back on the stand next to his workstation. He looked seriously at Ben for a moment before saying, “The flowers don’t fix the problem, kid. They just open the door a bit.” Ben rubbed his hand through his hair. This conversation was becoming more exasperating by the second. Han regarded him for a moment before shaking his head and turning back to his work, “So have you thought about what you’re going to say?”
“Uh,” Ben started, trying to put together the words. Of course, he’d thought about it. He’d done nothing but think about it for the last week. But putting something coherent together that would fix everything they’d said to one another was an entirely different prospect.
“So, no. Alright, kid, let’s start at the beginning. Did you listen to her?” Han prodded, and Ben looked at him indignantly.
“Of course, I listened to her,” he responded crossly.
“Okay, and what did she say?”
Ben was going to shoot back a retort but thinking about his fight with Rey swiftly quenched his anger. He cleared his throat before saying quietly to the floor, “She said that I didn’t care about her, that I was just using her to get out of this town. She told me to go, and that I was…. That I was good at leaving.”
“Okay, so you at least heard the words coming out of her mouth,” came his father’s response, sounding slightly annoyed. And what right did he have to be annoyed? “That’s a good start. But what was she saying ?”
“What do you mean, what was she saying ?” Ben questioned. “I told you what she said. What more is there?”
Han paused again, this time coming completely out from under the hoist. “Come on,” he beckoned for Ben to follow him to the little back office. Han sat down and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, setting it down on the desk with a couple of dirty glasses. He blew out a bit of dust from one and rubbed it on his messy jumpsuit before shrugging and setting it back down. He did a strong pour into each and pushed one towards Ben. Ben for his part picked it up and looked curiously at his father. Han gestured at the glasses, “Now don’t leave me hanging; have a drink with me, kid.”
Ben nodded and sipped on the whiskey. It was the good stuff; he’d nicked enough of it over the years to know. Han tipped his backwards in one gulp and then gave Ben a long look. “You know, I wonder sometimes if we didn’t prepare you very well for the real world.”
“What do you mean?” Ben asked, taking another tepid sip.
“I mean, we gave you good values and all that, or at least we tried to, but we weren’t really there for you. Not like you needed us to be, anyway. We were both damned selfish, and maybe that wasn’t the best example for a kid. There were…a lot of broken pieces and you got caught in the middle,” Han said regretfully.
“Dad?”
“What I’m trying to say, kid, is that you might be a damn sight too much like your old man for your own good,” his father continued. “Did you never wonder why your mom and I aren’t going at it like cats and dogs anymore?”
In truth, Ben had wondered that. Ever since he’d gotten home, maybe even before that, he’d noticed how…peaceful his childhood home had become. His parents still bickered, but the days of the screaming matches followed by tense, silent standoffs were gone. In fact, in the three or four months since he’d come back, he hadn’t seen or heard a single argument. Now that he looked back it almost felt glaringly obvious.
“I always assumed it was because….I left,” Ben admitted and threw back the whiskey, feeling as though he understood why his father had deemed it necessary for this conversation.
Han snorted and then sighed, “No, it wasn’t anything you did. Trust me, we would have still fought whether you were there or not.”
“So, then what changed?” Ben asked as his father measured out another pour of whiskey for them both. The first was already starting to help ease the tension between the two.
“Therapy,” Han said flatly, and Ben let out a laugh. “I’m serious,” his father continued, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. “Lots and lots of therapy. We’ve been doing marriage counseling for about five or six years now. Took about that long for me to finally pull my head out of my ass, but don’t tell your mother that.”
“Why did you start going?” Ben probed, the whiskey already loosening his tongue.
His father looked uncomfortable, and suddenly it was immediately clear why it had taken Han that long in counseling. Ben wondered that he’d made it through one session in the first place. “Well, you see, your mother and I, well…We had to have a long talk when you stopped coming home. It led to a pretty bad fight—worst one yet, actually—and it was like years of things we weren’t saying came out. Your mother threw around the ‘D’ word and we ended up in therapy the next week.
“Next thing I know, we were talking about our own parents and how that ‘affected our parenting style’,” Han said, chuckling as if remembering something fondly. “We had to learn things like ‘open and honest communication’ and a bunch of other therapy mumbo-jumbo. But it worked out in the end, more or less.”
“More or less,” Ben echoed.
“Anyways, what I’ve been trying to say is that you’re probably not gonna be great at this whole ‘communicating’ thing —God knows I wasn’t, and we both know who you take after— but that sometimes it’s not about the words the other person is saying, but what they’re really trying to tell you,” Han said finally.
“And what’s Rey trying to tell me?” Ben asked, but the question wasn’t directed to his father but more the room at large.
“Well, that’s a question you’re going to have to figure out for yourself,” Han replied with a shrug. “But I’ll give you something to think about. That girl lost her parents, right?”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded at the statement of fact.
“And now, she’s probably on the verge of losing her grandfather, right?” Ben nodded once more. “And here you are, going on about how much you want to leave, how you can’t stand this town — not as I say I necessarily blame you— to a girl who’s just struggling to hang on but too proud to admit it. No matter what front that kid puts up, she’s had a hell of a time of it lately. So, what do you think she’s trying to tell you?”
“But why couldn’t she just come out and say that?” Ben asked, frustrated. “If I just knew that, then I could-could-“
“Could what? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but both of you are stubborn and proud as all get out, so I wouldn’t count on her making it easy for you,” Han laughed. “But sometimes what a person isn’t saying is a hell of a lot louder than what they are , if you know how to listen. So, you need to ask yourself, can you be the kind of man who listens to what she’s trying to tell you?” Ben went to open his mouth, but his father cut him off. “Ah, ah, I don’t need to hear it, kid. She does.”
Ben stood up suddenly, feeling like he’d had an epiphany. He looked at his dad who was smiling that same lopsided grin that Ben had inherited. Ben tipped the remaining whiskey into his mouth and then said hesitantly, “So. Flowers?”
“Flowers,” Han replied with a smile. “Works every time.”
And then Ben was off. It wasn’t until he was walking home, grocery store bouquet in hand that he thought this might be the most ridiculous plan he’d ever tried. He certainly felt foolish, but nothing else seemed to be working at this point. He took a deep breath, using the long walk to clear his head and put him the right mindset. The words were all flowing now, making sense in a way that they hadn’t before.
He was ready, completely ready, when he turned the bend onto their street and saw flashing blue and red lights in the driveway next door. It brought him up short, and all thought left him except the single minded thought of Rey. The plastic wrapped bouquet slipped from his hands and he was running as fast as his legs would carry him. He stopped, winded, at the sight of a crowd of neighbors gathering in the street. A stretcher was wheeled out of the house with Rey’s grandfather strapped to it and Rey…She was following behind.
Ben ran forward again, barreling to her side and it was as if she was too much in shock to be mad at him. He took her in his arms and looked down at her, “Rey, what’s going on? What happened?”
“My-my grandpa,” she choked out, her voice catching on a sob as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I think he had a heart attack.” And then she was pulling away at the urging of the EMT’s and loading into the back of the ambulance.