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“Would it kill you to just talk to me!?”
The words echo in Ex’s mind. They echo through the oppressing silence of the Void.
Ex had run as soon as he spoke those words. He’s used to seeing worry cross Xisuma’s face every time he shows up. He’s used to the bags under his eyes and the tears behind the purple visor. He’s met with them every single time.
He is, however, not used to the anger.
The anger behind his usually kind words. Like something finally snapped. He talked like Ex didn’t understand. Like he never would understand.
The admin never gets angry. He certainly doesn’t get angry at him. It had startled Ex, and he ran away again.
“Why can’t you just accept my help?”
Ex shakes his head, trying to get rid of his image. His words, the worry laced in his words. It couldn’t be real. He couldn’t possibly be worried about him. There was no way.
Ex hides, coping in all the wrong ways. The only ways he knows how. He isn’t really worried, Ex knows. Xisuma smiles every time he sees him. He offers a hug when he gets close. He even prepares dinner for him when he finds out that Ex hasn’t eaten in a while. Everything was okay, right? He couldn’t have suspected a thing. He always pretended that everything was okay.
But then he snapped. Ex doesn’t know why.
Crying, yelling, trembling. Did Ex finally push him over the edge?
It was scary.
It was scary seeing him like that. So uncharacteristic. So... broken.
It wasn’t like him. His sudden change in behaviour scared the daylight out of him.
And he ran.
Perhaps the universe was hinting at this for a while. Each time he saw Xisuma the bags were a little darker, his eyes a little more glazed over. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes this time.
And Ex had shown up like usual. He guesses he didn’t really take into account how all his actions would affect his brother. He didn’t think he had any backbone in him after all Ex had put him through, intentionally or not. Xisuma must’ve bottled it all up. Kept it hidden for so long.
And now he’d finally broken down.
Ex’s heart aches as he realizes that he left him like that. On the ground, sobbing, all alone.
But he can’t- He can’t come back. Not right now. Not after what happened.
He furrows his brows as unpleasant memories fill his thoughts. All the times he pestered X. All the times X forgave him, even when he really shouldn’t have.
“I need you, Ex. I need you.”
The ache in his heart calls for the floodgates to open. Ex cries silently.
Not that there’d be much noise here anyway. It’s always silent here.
He knows he has to find him again. He has to do something, but he can’t. He wants to talk, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know where to begin, he doesn’t know how to fix this. Has he ever attempted to fix any of his own problems like this before?
Ex slaps himself mentally. This was stupid. Just stop thinking about it, and it’ll all blow over like it always does. They can just pretend that everything is okay again. Pretend that nothing happened. Yes, he’d prefer that.
When did he become like this? Why did he do the things he did? How could Xisuma ever find it in his heart to forgive him?
Chaos. Destruction. That is all he knows. It’s all he’s good at, he supposes. He just wishes it didn’t hurt anyone around him.
Look where it got him; X was broken because of him. He never intended for it to go that far. He never wanted to hurt him.
He never wanted this.