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wander through your thoughts like a broken promise

Chapter 11

Notes:

This has been a crazy fun ride, my dudes, especially as the world went insane over the past few months. Writing this story has kept me pretty stable, and now I’m gonna need a new project to get invested in, damn it. But oh well!

We’re at the end, and I hope it’s a happy enough one for all of you who commented such amazing, inspiring, funny and kind words. I thank you all. Here’s to the next one.

Chapter Text

After Kara leaves, there’s a hollowness inside of Lena that correlates to the soreness between her legs. 

The antidote didn’t work. Or if it did, Kara was able to override the soothing hormones seeping into her skin from Lena’s touch. She tries her best to not let it feel like an abandonment, but...hearts are unruly creatures. Her clothes look like she’s fucked a hurricane and Kara’s cum is slowly clotting at the crotch of her panties and there’s nothing romantic about the way this feels. There is a dark, hopeless part of her that wonders if this is the last time Kara will be with her as her mate, one way or another, and it’s hard to shake off. 

There’s a chance...a chance we won’t remember…

Lena is a scientist—she can’t deny the odds are against them. No matter what she’d told Kara, they could easily walk back into a ‘reset’. Perhaps even a universe where they hadn’t yet met. Or a universe where they would never meet at all. 

And in this universe...they’re married. Mated. Owners of a very swanky midtown apartment. It’s all so appealing that Lena sees immediately why Kara is so convinced. She even feels it too. 

Kara’s red eyes had seemed so desperate. ‘You don’t know what I’d do to keep this exactly like this.’ 

Lena can’t say she doesn’t feel the same desperation. She feels the same magnetic pull that Kara does. The same desire to wrap herself up in Kara as if they were the only two people in the world. 

But if she does that, the world will collapse around them. 

The streets are deserted as she walks slowly back to her car, tightening her jacket around the loosened buttons of her shirt. Half of downtown is evacuated, and the few people scurry about like rats, eyes furtively on the sky. It makes Lena’s stomach clench to see how they fear Kara. Like she’s exactly what Lex warned about. 

It’s not good news when she gets back to the lab, either. 

Brainy shakes his head over the microscope again. “Still no change. We haven’t got an antidote...just a very good sedative.”

“It’s the best option we have so far.” Alex argues, hands in the air. “We load the sedative into a gun, tranq her, grab Lex, and force him to activate the portal before she wakes. We leave Eve and Lex here, and bam, problem solved .”

“We can’t leave anyone behind.” Brainy counters, implacable as always. “All of the original people that Lex Luthor pulled into this pocket dimension at the time of its creation must be there at the exiting, or the portal will collapse around us.”

“What about the other people in this world?” Nia asked, worriedly, and Alex and Lena both nod. “What will happen to them?”

“They will merge back into the universes that they originated from without any issue. It’s only the inhabitants of the collapsed Earth-38 who jumped into this pocket dimension that don’t belong in the natural order.” 

“That means….us, J’onn, Lex, Eve, and Kara?” Nia counts on her fingers as Alex nods at her. “Anyone else?”

“Andrea Rojas.” Lena speaks up, as heads turn to her. “And her….husband, Russel. She made a deal with Lex. I can call her, see if I can get her here.”

“Do that.” Alex nods at her, and Lena returns it. “Okay, so that makes ten. But did Lex and Eve bring anyone else through?”

“We won’t know without interrogating Lex Luthor.” Brainy replies. 

“And it’s entirely possible he’ll lie just to spite us all.” Lena puts in, arms tightly crossed. Her chest feels wounded and tight. She rubs her temple, peevishly. “Lex is always going to be a thorn in any plan.”

“Well, we do have Eve,” Nia points out. All eyes turn toward the blonde—still bound and gagged on her office chair. Eve’s eyes go wide and she starts to struggle again, albeit futilely. “Maybe she knows.”

“It’s possible.” Alex tilts her head, considering, before turning to Lena. “What do you think?”

“She knows.” Lena answers, darkly. Her eyes haven’t left Eve’s frightened-rabbit expression, and as the omega struggles again, she narrows them. “Give me five minutes alone with her.”

***

The scent of Lena is on Kara’s hands and her mouth and she feels…

Conflicted. 

She closes her eyes, tilts her head into the wind. There’s a lot of wind, where she is. The very top of National City’s communications tower is a very thin spire, barely big enough for two people. Well, one person standing, and one person laying. 

Lex isn’t chained, but there’s nowhere for him to go. Nowhere but down, and down is very far away. They’re at least 450ft in the air right now. Lex is still asleep, or perhaps just too stunned to move, and Kara feels agitated, irritable about that. She wants him awake so she can savor his fear. See the bulge in his eyes when he realizes he’s trapped. It had seemed like such a delightful thing earlier today. 

If only she could stop thinking about how sad Lena’s eyes were. How she had said come back to me. As if Kara was lost. 

She shakes her head, feeling the buzzing of anxiety. It’s unwelcome. Kara Danvers feels anxiety. Little, meek, pleasant Kara Danvers who suffers boners in silence and adjusts her glasses when she’s nervous—which is always. Kara Danvers who let Lena slip from her grasp without a word and lets Lex Luthor play stupid male games with her bodily autonomy. 

But she’s all Kara Zor-El now, and she shouldn’t be nervous. What has a god to fear from a sandbox world? What are humans but ants pretending they matter?

Lena isn’t an ant. 

There it is again. The buzz. She rolls her head on her shoulders, grits her teeth. She doesn’t like it. It’s unfair. This world is made for her . There shouldn’t be anything she can’t control. 

Including Lena?

That voice in her head won’t be silenced. She’s getting sick of it, but it just keeps getting louder. The voice sounds like Sensible Kara Danvers, and she’s sick of that. So sick. She doesn’t want to think about what Kara Danvers wants. Kara Danvers doesn’t exist in this universe. There’s no reason for her to. No reason to deny herself the pleasure of mating Lena, no reason for her to feel guilt about her lusts, or torture herself over the whys and the why nots . Kara Danvers and her human life had been the reason she held back. But Kara Danvers is no more. 

She thought it would feel better. Maybe that’s why. It only felt good for a moment, to frighten everyone at Catco and laser down LuthorCorp. She expected it to feel good, to feel like shedding old skin. But it feels…. wrong

The way Lena looked at her….that was all wrong, too. 

A little fear was fine. That was respectful. It turned her on, to see Lena acknowledge her power and strength, and made her want to show the omega just how strong she could be. Make her jump a little. Make her pulse race in that appealing, scared-rabbit thump-thump. 

But Lena just seemed afraid in a different way. Afraid of what Kara was becoming , not what she already was . And that made her….sad. 

Kara doesn’t like that. 

This world is supposed to be her own. Her conquering victory. Taking Lex’s twisted plan and making it into something better. A world where she doesn’t have to hide who she is. Or who she loves. There would be peace at last in a world like that. No more catastrophes. No more pretending to play nice. She has shown her force here—no one will dare challenge her now. 

They’re scared. 

Well, that was fine. Scared was better than being loved. They could turn on you so fast when they loved you. She knew. Oh , how she knew. 

They used to love you, though. The little girl. The coffee shop. Mira-Marie Edgarport. 

She shakes her head, bullish. That doesn’t matter. One little girl doesn’t matter. She is a God here. She can defend thousands of little girls. 

Not if they’re scared of you. 

Well, they can learn to love her again. She’ll show them. Show them all. She’s the only thing standing between this world and it’s melting reformation back into the void, so they should love her. It’s her right. 

Just like it’s your right to claim Lena?

That makes her cold between the shoulder blades and she tenses, irritably. Claiming Lena had felt right. But…

She didn’t ask for it. 

She puts her hands over her ears, as if she can stop the voice inside, but the chill spreads from between her shoulders down her spine, like a glacial stream. She can’t block it out. And sometimes she wonders which voice is truly her own. 

It’s getting harder to tell. 

The overwhelming feelings are too much. She needs to focus on the basics. The simplest drive inside of her right now. 

Revenge. 

Kara looks down at the man crumpled at her feet, ribs slowly rising with his unconscious breath. She narrows her gaze. Lex is the cause of all of this. This…. confusion . This hurt. He has manipulated Lena, made her afraid. Lena thinks the Red K will allow Lex to control Kara, when it’s the other way around. Kara has to prove that’s not the case. She has to show her mate that she is still a strong alpha, and that Lena has nothing to fear. 

Once he’s gone, Lena will understand. Things will be clear. They will mate properly, and Lena will be content, safe with her mate’s mark fully reciprocated and her belly rounded with the new generation of Kryptonians. Alex will understand too, when the threat is gone. 

Lex is the problem. 

Her mind thusly made up, Kara toes the alpha with her boot, roughly. When he groans, she does it again, harder. The knowledge that she could crack his ribs open and step on his heart makes her blood rush faster, her pulse stronger. Hair rises on the back of her neck and her inner alpha roars with triumph when Lex opens his eyes, blinking. 

“Good. You’re awake. You’re a scientist, right Lex? Let’s see what you know about gravity.”

***

“Everything about that was against DEO policy and about six different Pentagon conventions on cruelty to prisoners.” Alex informs her, as Lena exits the conference room where they’ve left Eve tied. “But all I want to know is—did you find out who we need to get?”

“It’s just the ten. Andrea’s the only one.” Lena breezes past the alpha, taking her jacket from Alex’s outstretched hands. “Thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Alex’s nose wrinkles and she leans in to look at Eve—now somewhat more bruised, but mostly intact. “How are you sure she isn’t lying?”

“I’m sure.” Lena tells her, simply. 

Alex shrugs. “Well, great. Andrea texted you while you were in there. Says she’s on her way with her husband. All we need is Lex.”

“And Kara.” 

“Easier said than done.” Alex snorts. “Do you have any idea where she could be?”

“None, really.” Lena rolls her shoulders, and then stops, considering. “Except….maybe somewhere high up?”

The alpha tilts her head to one side, giving Lena a patented Danvers Look. “What makes you say that, Detective Luthor?”

“Nothing. It’s just—“ She’s blushing, she knows, but she can’t help it. “When I….got close to her….I could see that her hair was all disheveled, like she’d been in the wind. And her scent was—-“ She swallows at Alex’s knowing smirk. “—different.”

“So you got close enough to smell her, huh?” Alex raises a dark eyebrow and Lena feels like crawling into an air vent. “Fantastic. Maybe you can get close enough to tranq her, once we find her.”

“No, Alex. I don’t know if I can—“ Lena stops. Trust myself around her. 

“Lena.” Alex locks eyes with her, patient and insistent. “Brainy says we’re running out of time here.”

“I know.” Lena doesn’t want to look at her, but she knows the ticking clock as well as any of them. “We’ve got two, maybe three hours at the most.”

“And you know I wouldn’t ask you to betray my sister under any normal circumstances.” Alex continues on, doggedly. “But these aren’t normal circumstances. And Kara is under a very seductive inner influence right now.”

Lena winces, knowing exactly how seductive that influence can be. But she gives Alex the courtesy of a stiff nod, anyway. The alpha is right. It can’t be helped. “I’ll...I’ll try.”

“Good.” Alex gives her a rough clap on the back that nearly knocks her over. “Uh, sorry. Anyway, I’ll go get the stuff ready for the portal.”

And with that, she’s off, heading down the corridor back to Lena’s lab. 

Lena’s going to head there herself, but Brainy pops out of seemingly nowhere in the hallway, hands folded at his waist. He gives her a short, stiff nod. “Lena. I have some...information I’d like to share with you. Will you come with me?” 

Lena doesn’t want to. She wants to be alone, to process her thoughts, or perhaps busy with a project so she doesn’t have to think. Her mouth presses in a thin line, but Brainy persists, gently. 

“I think this is information that would be—ah—-of great interest to you, Lena. I promise you, I do not intend to waste what little time we have left. Will you come?”

Brainy wouldn’t waste time, that’s true. She nods, and tries to allow him a small, tight smile. “Of course.” 

She follows him into her section of the lab, abandoned by the interns and lead technicians alike, and the beta brings her briskly to her own desk, where the pictures of this universe’s Kara and Lena beam down at her. Lena winces, turning slightly away, but Brainy motions to the pictures. “Do you notice something here?”

“I noticed them as soon as I came back to myself in this universe. Well, practically.” Lena forces herself to look at the smiling eyes of the nearest double version of herself. They’re in an apple orchard, this time. “Kind of hard to miss.”

“There is something you’re missing, though. Look at the details.” Brainy presses, insistently. 

Lena frowns. She’s very tired and she thinks briefly that she’d like to tell him to fuck off, but then she follows his pointing finger. In the apple orchard, Kara’s hair is wavy and golden, and she looks so pleased looking with crinkle-eyed affection down at Lena that the mole on her cheek is almost right at eye level—-wait. 

Kara doesn’t have a mole on her cheek. 

Lena must’ve made a tiny noise of understanding, because Brainy nods. “You see? Now look at the others.”

She lets her eyes scan to another photo, this time at what looks like the wedding reception. Kara is smiling hugely again but—no mole. This time there’s a streak of blue in her hair. Lena’s heart jumps when she gets it. Like a puzzle falling into place. “They’re all different! Different Karas I mean.”

Brainy smiles at her, brief and simple as curling his lips slightly upward. Blink and you’d miss it. “You see it. All of these pictures are from different universes.”

“Yes.” Lena’s seeing it everywhere, now that she’s looking, and cursing herself for not seeing it before. “The pocket dimension must have populated with bits and pieces from a hundred or so other universes.” 

“Exactly.” Brainy nods, precisely. 

Lena’s nose wrinkles. “Not to be frank with you, but I expected somewhat more revelatory news, Brainy. We know that’s how pocket dimensions work and I—“

Brainy waves a calm hand. “Lena Luthor. You’re still not seeing it. Look at the photographs. Do you see a commonality?”

Lena closes her mouth and looks again, scanning her desk. “There are at least a dozen different Karas here.” 

“I did some digging into your brother’s files.” Brainy explains, placid and patient as ever, but there is a quiet sparkle in his eyes. “It seems he was very frustrated in his initial attempts at securing a universe in which to control Supergirl. It seems he couldn’t find one in which you two were not, in some way, connected.”

“Oh.” The weight of what Brainy is saying lands on her like a heavy stone. “Well, that’s not….” She swallows. “Not entirely indicative of—“

“Apparently, Lex Luthor concluded that there was no other alternative other than to create his own universe, but chose to maintain your connection as a means of controlling Kara. He stopped fighting with the tide of the universe and chose to manipulate it instead.”

“He does that.” Lena says faintly. “But that doesn’t mean that she and I—“

“Lena.” Brainy folds her hands into his cool palms. His eyes are deep and understanding in a way that she has never yet seen. “I am going to suggest to you that perhaps having a little faith in Kara, when it comes down to it, would not be misguided.”

Lena can’t look away. “But Alex said….the tranquilizer…”

“I know what she said.” Brainy says. “And she’s right. But so am I.” He inclines his head at her, and releases her hands. “Just think it over. When the time comes. I think you’ll know what to do.”

But Lena doesn’t know what to do. She’s even more confused than ever, staring back at Brainy, and already her mind is swimming with a thousand questions. She opens her mouth to ask them, when Alex and Nia come thundering back into the room, looking grim and bearing tranquilizer rifles each. 

“She’s been sighted by the DEO camera network. On Fifth and East, by the communications tower. Lena, if you’re coming, we gotta go now.”

“I’m coming.” Lena straightens her shoulders, trying to belly the fact that her belly is tight and cramping. 

“Good,” Alex hands her a pistol loaded with a tranquilizer dart and gives her a tense nod when she hesitates, but takes it. “Brainy, stay here to secure the portal and watch Eve. Keep a look out for Andrea’s arrival.” She shoulders her rifle, looking grim. “Either way, we won’t be long.”

They go, while Brainy watches with solemn eyes. 

***

Kara is easy to spot, but frankly, Lena wishes she wasn’t. 

It’s very uncomfortable to watch. 

Lex is dangling by one ankle while Kara holds him, but every few seconds she will drop him, whistling happily as if without a care in the world, and listen to him scream toward the concrete before she darts down and grabs him again, flying higher each time. Lex appears to have vomited a few times, and Lena can hardly blame him. 

She can’t look away from it. Her brother’s face is purple and for the very first time in his life, Lena can see he feels helpless. His eyes are terrified. Her heart is thumping, both for the boy that he was and for the stupid, reckless, selfish man he became. She doesn’t want to watch him die. 

She doesn’t want to watch Kara kill him. 

“Are you enjoying your lesson, Lex?” Kara calls out, over the wind. The sky is darkening, as if in tune with the apocalyptic mood, and the wind is whipping the trees. But Kara’s voice carries, and they can hear every word as she taunts her prey. “You seem to delight in trying to teach me lessons, Lex, but you’re the one who seems to fail at understanding.” 

She pulls him up effortlessly with one hand so she swing him back and forth, and Lex moans. “You don’t understand that Kryptonians only humor you. Kal favors peace, and preaches against becoming the monsters you say we are. But in our minds, Lex, and in our hearts, we know we could end you at any moment.” She leans down and tugs at his collar until he’s hanging by his tie, scrabbling at it. “And you know it too.”

She drops him. 

Lena almost darts forward, but Alex’s arm on her chest holds her back, and she’s grateful. It would give away their position and it’s not time for that yet. Not until it’s safe, that’s what Alex said. But her heart lurches and she almost screams, burying her fist in her mouth. 

Lex does scream, loudly, as he plummets, arms waving wildly, to the ground. Seconds before he hits the pavement, Kara yanks him back by his ankle in a sudden, swift lunge that can’t bode well for his spine. She laughs at his sob of relief. It’s so strange and striking to hear Kara’s laugh come from this situation that Lena almost laughs herself. She bites her knuckles instead, and grits her teeth. 

“Does that make you foolish, then? To antagonize us? I’ve always wondered.” Kara’s voice is almost conversational, and she’s dangling Lex close enough to the ground now that Lena could touch Lex’s dangling fingers, if she ran out and reached for them. But she doesn’t. She’s transfixed by the eerie confidence of Kara’s taunting. The strange, simple truth of it.

“I always wanted to know why , if you feared and hated us so much, you would risk us turning our power on you.” Kara smiles down at Lex. A frightening rictus of her normal bright smile. “Because it always seemed extremely inevitable to me. And maybe one day you’d learn. But you didn’t, did you Lex?”

Lex moans in her grip and she shakes him, almost merrily. “You tried to kill Kal and he put you down, countless times. You tried to kill me, and I put you down, many times.” She leans down to him, tilting her head and grinning wide, like a shark. “You tried to make me kill your sister, but instead I made her my mate . I fucked her so well she’s probably carrying my seed right now. Have you learned yet?”

Lena blushes, her throat tightening, as behind her Alex shifts and Nia coughs, awkwardly. Thanks Kara. Say it louder, for the folks in the back. The embarrassment shifts something in her, though, something almost transfixed by the display, and sets it loose. She narrows her eyes, and steps away from behind the dumpster that is their meager ‘cover’, cupping her hands to her mouth. 

“That’s enough . Kara, how dare you?”

“Are you insane?” Alex hisses, tugging on her arm frantically, while Nia cups her hands over her mouth, looking torn between terror and hysterical laughter. “She’ll obliterate you. Get back here!”

“No, Alex.” Lena wrenches away. “We don’t have time for this grandstanding.” Alex lets her go, as if shocked by her nerve, and Lena steps out into the street, in full view of Kara, hands on her hips. 

“If I’m your mate, you better come here and answer to why you’re speaking vulgarities about me in the street.” 

For a moment, just a moment— Lena sees it. The flash of Guilty Kara. Her Kara. The softening of the eyes, the return of blue to her irises, instead of red. And then it’s gone and Kara gives her patient, measured smile that she hates. “Lena, sweetheart—“

“You never call me sweetheart and you’d never disrespect me like this. You’re being extraordinarily dumb.” Lena folds her arms, ignoring Alex’s moan of defeat and Nia’s scandalized gasp. “Kara Zor-El, you put him down and come here this instant .” 

Kara eyes her. Looks at Lex. And then looks at her again. “I...can’t put him down. He’ll escape.” She looks almost absurdly pleased with herself to have come up with that, and Lena narrows her eyes. 

“Then break his ankle or something.”  Lena waves a hand, irritated, even as Nia lets out a shocked ‘oh my god’ behind her back. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Jesus Christ.” Alex mutters, just to the left of her. 

“Lena, you b— ” Lex screams, but it’s too late. 

His ankle breaks like a twig and he shrieks, his eyes rolling white, before he slumps into a faint. Kara drops him about three feet onto the ground, and he goes face first, which looks very uncomfortable, but he doesn’t wake from the faint. Alex rushes forward and drags him back, but Kara remains hovering, frowning at Lena. 

“I thought you’d be pleased. He’s tormented you for so long. You shot him .”

“That doesn’t mean I want to watch you kill him.” Lena tugs on the hem of Kara’s tattered, charred cape, fluttering just within her reach. “Kara, you’re better than this, you know it. And I know it.”

“No. I’m not.” Kara’s brow is knotted when she looks down at Lena’s fingers curled in her cape. “I always wanted to do that. And more . I am the monster he says I am, Lena. I wanted him to fear me.”

“You’re not a monster.” Lena tugs, asking politely, and Kara drops down a bit, hovering just above her. “Not unless you give in and smash him on the pavement. Not unless you let the idea of this world change you.” 

“We could be happy here. We could forget.” Kara says, quietly, but it’s almost pleading. 

Lena is shaking her head. “No. Not here. But,” she pulls on Kara’s fingers until they’re tangled with her own, “I believe we can find each other in any universe, Kara. I believe we could be happy anywhere.”

“It’s too risky.” Kara argues, but her eyes are locked on Lena’s and they’re blue , sweet blue. “I can’t—-I won’t lose you. What if we wake up there and we don’t know each other? Or, worse, we hate each other? What then?”

“We’ll find a way.” Lena pulls Kara’s fingers to her heart. The alpha is leaning down, drifting towards her lips, helpless as lost lamb with all those red veins slowly receding, and Lena can feel her heart beating hard but tries not to show how she’s shaking. “You have to believe we’ll find a way back to each other, Kara. Because we always will. We always will.”

“How are you so sure?” Kara’s feet are only inches off the ground, now, and Lena rises up on tip toes to cup her face. 

“Because I love you.” She says, simply, and kisses her mate with all the hope her battered soul can muster. 

And, thankfully, for once in her life, her love seems to be enough. 

Kara touches back to the ground, and her hands come up to press Lena closer to her body. Her mouth is hot and her breath is tangy, like she’s bit her lip hard enough to bleed, but Lena rises to the kiss anyway, wanting to kiss the breath out of Kara—even if it’s not possible. The wind is kicking up hard behind them, swirling with dust eddies and little bits of trash, and the sky is purple-black and cracking open with lightning, 

But there’s no place Lena would rather be, in that moment. In that kiss. 

“I love you, too.” Kara whispers into her ear, when she breaks apart to kiss against the alpha’s neck. “Always have. Always will.”

It’s Kara’s voice. Her Kara. Lena tilts her face back to look and almost sobs in relief when she sees bright blue eyes with only the tiniest hint of red. The veins have snaked back to the edges of her face, and her smile is tentative, slow. Kara’s smile. 

She wants to kiss it right off Kara’s face, but Alex interjects, yelling. “Lena? Are you good over there?”

“Yes.” Lena calls back, looking into Kara’s eyes as she strokes the alpha’s face, feeling the fine peach fuzz along her jaw. 

“Well, it looks like about to be in a tornado, so we should probably get the hell out of here?”

“Yes.” Kara calls back, and Lena can see Alex’s tense face lift for an instant when she sees her face. 

They go. 

Lex is unconscious, but as it turns out, all Lena needed was the damn biometric sensor. Her brother’s mechanics are always tied to his DNA—she should have known. But it’s no matter, they’ve got it now. She presses his limp hand to it and the portal spins to life, humming wildly. Brainy moves in on the other side, and together they start the process of setting the portal to auto-generate a path back to their world. It will take some time. 

Kara is standing awkwardly, still buzzing with a similar kind of energy to the portal, shifting from foot to foot. Alex and Nia are staring at her from the opposite side of the room, arms crossed. Their body language is wary, but not unfriendly. The blonde alpha looks sheepish, but also wary. The red veins haven’t fully receded from her hairline yet. Lena wonders, with a sharp pang, if they ever will, even in a new world. 

She doesn’t know what will happen. Her heart is thumping in her chest. I don’t want to lose you. Can’t lose you. Not now, after I...after I found out how much I needed to find you. 

“Come with me.” 

It’s not really a conscious decision, leading Kara away by her hand. The alpha goes with her, docile as a lamb, but she looks over her shoulder at her sister and her friend, as if checking that they approve. Alex gives a tight nod, and Kara’s tense palm relaxes in Lena’s grip. 

There’s not many places to be private, now that the storm is fully kicking up and the universe is falling apart, but Lena finds a broom closet and shuts them into it, pulling the light cord as a can of WD-40 rolls away from her heels. Kara’s hulking presence fills the closet, but awkwardly, as if the alpha doesn’t know how to stand in her own skin anymore. Lena can see she’s torn, and knows this is just the beginning. The Red K has been in her system so long now that it might always linger. But Kara is strong, and noble, and her heart is good. Those things last longer than malice and the desire for revenge. Lena knows that to be personally true. 

“Do you remember when I told you that you were my hero? Not Supergirl, but you. Just the one friend I had—Kara Danvers?”

The eyes that look down into hers are smoky blue-grey. “Yes.”

“I think I knew I loved you then.” Lena says. She curls one hand into Kara’s suit, and the other into her hair. “I just didn’t know how to say it to you. I’ve never known how to tell you when I feel things. Things I can’t control.”

“I know.” Kara says, low and soft, and her lips graze the side of Lena’s wrist. 

“And I can’t control you. At all.” Lena laughs. She’s a little watery-eyed, but it’s a good laugh. Kara smiles with her, lips spreading almost as wide as her normal smile. Almost. “So of course you scare me.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to scare you.” Kara tells her, quiet and earnest. Lena has to laugh again, at that. 

“You’ll always scare me. But some things are worth the fear.” She brings their foreheads together. “I was scared to share space with you. Pretend to be your wife. I was scared at how much I wanted that to be real .”

“I want it too, Lena.” Kara’s voice is cracking. “I wanted it so bad.”

“Shh.” Lena kisses her jaw, lips tracing slowly. 

“We could still—“

“No. No, darling. Not this way.”

“I know.” Kara sighs against her, shaking a little. The alpha’s sun-kissed skin feels so warm and Lena closes her eyes against the urge to cry. She wants to feel this for just a moment longer. “But maybe….in another life?”

“In another life, yes.” They share a quiet, desperate laugh. Lena doesn’t know when she started clinging to Kara’s suit for dear life, but she can’t quite force herself to stop. “For now…”

“How long do we have until the portal is done and ready?” Kara asks her, lips moving against her throat. Lena closes her eyes. 

Twenty minutes, maybe less. I should be out there. I shouldn’t—

She shakes her head. “Enough time.” 

Lena pulls Kara’s mouth to her lips and shuts her brain to the aching precipice of loss. There is no more thinking. She just wants to feel. 

They make love in the cramped broom closet like quiet, frantic teenagers. Every movement is fraught with something more, something like a promise. Kara’s fingers shake when they pull at Lena’s buttons, but her lips are sure. Lena leans into the kiss and opens herself for Kara, clinging fiercely to the hope that this will not be the last time—cannot be the last time. 

When Kara enters her, it’s rough and urgent, enough to make her stifle a cry into the alpha’s shoulder. Her leg is hitched up over Kara’s hip, and the alpha pulls her closer, hands heavy and grabbing at her body. It feels desperate. It feels like passing a love letter, back and forth, between their bodies, to carry with them through to new universes. 

Kara bites at her neck, her hair, her lips. Lena is caught up in the haphazard frenzy of her thrusts, the panting that is almost like crying. She tilts her head back to let Kara kiss over and over on the mark on her neck, and closes her eyes to the searing pleasure of it dancing in her skin. The reminder that she is Kara’s...even if only in this universe. 

When Kara comes, shaking and stifling her cry into Lena’s neck, Lena comes with her, almost in sympathy. Her cunt pulses around the alpha’s cock, which has formed a small knot at the base, as if trying to join them one last time, and it’s bittersweet to feel the rocking and twitching of it inside her body. 

Behind closed lashes, Lena pleads with whatever gods may be listening. Let me have this memory. Just this one. 

They re-dress in silence, helping each other to clean up. Kara buttons her shirt back up, and kisses her neck, almost like a prayer to the mark there. Lena shivers, and touches her face. 

“Believe in this.” She says, low enough that only Kara can hear her. 

When they go back, things have progressed quicker than expected, but no one seems to have batted an eye at their disappearance. Alex looks at Lena with a kind of sadness, and smiles, like she knows. Lena smiles back. She hopes that she won’t forget how kind Alex has been, even if she forgets everything else. Kara is staring straight into the portal, not looking at anyone, and she squeezes the alpha’s hand. You’re going to be alright. They will help you. Even if you don’t believe you deserve it. 

The portal is crackling with energy and Brainy has to yell over it. “Andrea and her husband are already through. J’onn and Eve are next.”

J'onn is holding Eve by one arm, and she’s finally free of her bonds, but for the ones on her hands. She doesn’t look too happy about the way Lex looks crumpled on the floor, and keeps staring back at him longingly. J’onn grips onto Eve’s arm tighter, and gives everyone a smile and a nod, before stepping to the portal. “See you all on the other side, hopefully.”

“Hopefully.” Kara says faintly, but he’s already gone. She looks down at Lena and her face is ashen, drained, but resigned. Lena wants to assure her again, but Brainy interrupts.

“Okay, Alex and Lex need to go next.” 

“Why can’t we all go together?” Nia asks.

Brainy waves his hands impatiently. “We go two at a time to keep the energy stream consistent without overloading, but we’re now rapidly running out of time, so we need to go as fast as we can. Come on, now.”

Alex lugs Lex’s crumpled, unconscious body to the portal, and looks at Kara with a hopeful smile. “See you on the other side, sis. I hope?”

“Yeah.” Kara says softly, and Alex nods, as if that’s enough, for now. 

Then she’s gone, with Lex, the light cracking blue and white behind them. 

“Nia, you and I next.” Brainy holds out his arm and Nia goes to him, but he casts a desperate look back at Lena. “Please, don’t delay after us. We only have minutes now.”

“See you—“ Nia starts to wave, but then Brainy pulls her forward and they’re gone. 

Now it’s just Kara and her, standing on the precipice of the end of the world, holding hands. She looks up at Kara’s strange face—half Red K, half sweet, gentle Kara. She hopes there’s enough of both to balance. 

“We have to go, darling.”

“I know, but—wait.” Kara holds her back, eyes dark with fear. “How will we find each other again? You said we would have to believe, but…. how ?”

“You’ll see it in my eyes.” Lena answers, knowing without really understanding where the knowledge comes from that it’s the right answer. “You’ll know.”

“Okay.” Kara swallows. She pulls Lena closer, and they step toward the portal. “One last kiss?”

“Always.” Lena tells her. 

As their lips brush, she hears the crackling, but feels nothing. She closes her eyes, and leans into the kiss, melting into Kara and not knowing or caring where they would end up. 

It’s up to the universe to decide. 

***

Kara can feel the sun before she even wakes. 

Her eyes open to familiarity—the DEO recovery room. Monitors beeping. An uncomfortable Kryptonite needle in her arm. But the sun is shining through the window. And Alex is sitting on the chair by the bed, looking curiously at her. 

“You’re awake. How do you feel?”

“I’m alive.” Kara croaks, sitting half-upright on one elbow. “How long was I out?”

“A day. What do you remember?” Alex is looking at her critically. 

Kara opens her mouth to respond. She doesn’t quite know how to answer that question. She’s not sure she wants to. 

She remembers the Red K, but it’s like a dream. It’s all in flashes. Blurs. The feelings she had. The darkness. The way it felt like something that had always been inside her, all along, waiting

The way Lena looked so sad, and scared, when she touched her. The way Alex flinched away from her presence in the portal room. The way everyone screamed and ran from her when she lasered her way through Catco. 

Tears are starting to come to her eyes. “A lot. Alex, I am so, so sorry .”

“Hey.” Alex’s hand reaches for hers on the bed and gives her the patented Danvers Squeeze. Three strong tugs in a row. I-Love-You. Kara looks down at her hand through the film of tears and smiles. “You didn’t choose the Red K. Lex poisoned you, and Lena. You were trying to keep her safe. You didn’t mean to do those things.” 

“But I did those things, Alex. And I wanted to do them.” She pulls her hand from the older alpha’s, feeling like she doesn’t deserve the warmth of sibling camaraderie right now. 

“Sometimes I want to kick Brainy in the balls.” Alex shrugged, smiling lopsided. “We are none of us perfect. Even Supers. And besides,” she takes Kara’s hand again and pushes at her thumb, gently. “You have nothing to apologize for. Everything’s okay now. No one here is hurt or injured and all the buildings downtown are intact.”

“So we’re home? Earth-38?” Kara’s heart tightens. “Did Lena’s plan work?”

“Almost. We’re back on Earth Prime, but the real one this time. Not the Lex-generated version. Lena’s plan worked perfectly.” 

“That’s good.” Her heart is tense when she thinks about Lena. The things she did. The things they said. Will she remember ? “Is she…”

“Here?” Alex’s smile is growing bigger. She looks almost like herself again. “Yeah I thought you might ask that. She is.”

“Does she…” 

Kara’s about to ask does she remember or maybe does she still have the mark —she still hasn’t decided even as the words leave her lips—but then the door opens. And a scent that is so, so sweetly familiar rushes to her nose like a welcoming flood. Lena is pushing the door open with her back, holding a tray of DEO cafeteria food in her careful arms. She’s frowning down at the Jello plate, as if warning it not to spill, and she hasn’t looked up yet. But then she does, and oh her eyes light up like—-

Kara!”

 

THE END 

 

***

Notes:

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