Work Text:
It was a tiring day as always. With the constant late night practices the members were getting exhausted.
Jaemin was so exhausted that the need to sleep wasn’t crossing his mind. His insomnia was acting up today and late night thoughts were clouding his head.
With all the recent events going on it was difficult to predict what Lee Sooman had in store for Nct Dream and the thought of leaving his members killed Jaemin inside. He thought of all the memories they had shared together from Chewing gum era to their recent We boom era and how they were so happy with each other.
He remembered the time when he had to take a break because of his back and how upset he felt not because of the herniated disk but because he had to stay away from his members. The members who he loved more than his family, the members who were his family.
The time he felt like he was riding on his members fame when he came back from his hiatus made him feel insecure and useless but even his insecurities weren’t able to surpass the euphoric feeling he felt as he prompted ‘Go’ with his members.
Jaemin reminisced the time when Mark has to graduate, the time when all of them broke up in tears but Jaemin believed he had to stay strong for his members, for his Mark hyung.
He saw the way Mark broke down because he was no longer a part of Nct dream. Jaemin thought about it again and again, he would have to graduate too.
If Mark was not a exception then he would not be one too. Jaemin felt helpless at the moment not being able to do what he believed was right for him, for them. He recalled how he cried all alone in his room when Mark left them, how he hid his tears from all of them. It felt déjà vu but instead of one, four of them were going to graduate.
He didn’t believe in fate and where it had stood them up. If Jaemin were to graduate in a few months it meant that the Dreamies who had always dreamt with one another would break-up. Renjun would be joining Wayv, Jeno will probably join the other hyungs and become Nct 127 and Haechan was already a part of Nct 127.
It wouldn’t have hurt as much as it did if he was also assigned in Nct 127 but when he saw his name under Nct U his happiness became his utter fear. The fear of losing the Dreamies, the fear of being separated from them.
Late nights are always filled with Jaemin thinking what the future holds for them all. When the news of the new units was broken to Jisung and Chenle it becomes even more difficult seeing them crying clutching hardly on each other, Jaemin realised that he needs to pull apart from his group in order to cope with this.
They still have had months till the 2000 liners graduation and Jaemin did his best in staying away from all of them.
Never in his life had he once felt this powerless and tired. He felt like his whole world was crashing in front of him. He had tried to avoid each of them.
Jisung had asked him to cook him food like he did every midnight however Jaemin tried to avoid him saying he was sleepy even though he knew he won’t be able to sleep when he had just rejected his Jisungie who had just asked him for food. Jisung could also feel that something was weird when Jaemin didn’t pinch his cheeks who had been especially bloated that day. Jaemin who’d never miss a opportunity like this.
It became more significant when Jaemin didn’t tease Chenle when he was making faces at him. Jaemin wasn’t someone who would let things like this go especially when it was Chenle so it was worrisome seeing his expressionless face matching that of Jeno’s. Jaemin who always had a smile on his handsome face.
Everyone knew that Donghyuck and Jaemin were extremely affectionate to their group mates. Haechan was annoying Jaemin at this certain day, the annoying hadn’t gone too far but Jaemin snapped at Donghyuck. Jaemin who never raised his voice no matter how much his members annoyed him.
Jeno wasn’t really touchy with his members but when it came to his best friend, Jaemin he was always the first one initiating skinship so when Jeno came to cuddle Jaemin after their concert it was unusual seeing Jaemin not wrapping his arms around Jeno. Jaemin who loved cuddling with his members no matter what time it was.
When Renjun slipped into Jaemin’s room to talk to him one midnight, Jaemin easily faked a smile and came up with the most lame excuse saying he had to practice late night. Jaemin who would never turn his back on Renjun. Jaemin who wasn’t interested in puzzles but would still complete a 500 pieces puzzle with Renjun.
Jaemin had started to treat all of them differently and was acting weirdly. He acted like his group mates were invisible when the cameras were off but tried to be his hyperactive self when they were on-camera. Jaemin’s relationship with each of his members was depreciating slowly and he thought it was all for the better.
It was the day of their Dream Show. Mark had come to the venue in order to support the Dreamies. Jaemin wasn’t talking to any one of the members and preferred sitting in one of the corners of their waiting room. The tension could be felt in the air that none of the members were able to break even Donghyuck who was trying to light up the atmosphere with lame jokes.
After a long awkward silence it was finally the time for them to perform and own the stage. Jaemin who had been extremely quiet the whole time went backstage without a word. Jaemin who always hugged a member before performing on concert. Jaemin who needed to hug his members to calm himself.
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It was extremely awkward in the waiting room after the Dream Show ended. None of the members had the guts to strike a conversation with Jaemin seeing how he looked like he could cry at any moment. However Mark couldn’t resist the urge and immediately started to converse with Jaemin.
“What happened Jaemin? You know you can tell me everything. I might not live in your dorm but I can feel that you’re sad” Mark asked Jaemin who had a gloomy face.
“Hyung..” Jaemin’s voice cracked as he started speaking. “Hyung, how did you feel when you graduated?”
This question broke mark who understood Jaemin without a word and quickly hugged Jaemin who was now sobbing loudly onto Mark’s shoulder.
This sight broke the other members who had never seen Jaemin look so hopeless. They started tearing up one by one starting with Jisung who was officially the crybaby of Nct Dream. They were all now crying loudly causing mark to look up even Jaemin had to look up to see what happened.
Mark assured them that it will be okay and quickly pulled all of them in a group hug.
“Kids no matter what happens we’re still there in your hearts aren’t we? We’re always gonna be the original dreamies, forever and always.” Marks words caused Jaemin to pull onto his members harder.
Seeing them crying like this made Jaemin feel selfish, he was only thinking about his pain but he never thought of the pain the members were in. Jaemin realised at this moment that his members felt comfortable and safe just like the home he had not been to in a long time.