Chapter Text
Agron read through the printed page one more time before letting it fall on the table.
“Well, have to say I never thought I’d see the day.”
“What can I say? Maybe it’s a whole new career opportunity for me.”
“Doing what? Performing weddings day in and day out?”
“What’s wrong with weddings?”
“Oh, I don’t know...what’s not wrong with them?”
Spartacus snorted behind him again.
“I wouldn’t be so quick to judge. As far as I’m concerned, my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, I’ll have you know.”
This time it was Agron’s turn to be snorting. “Okay, sorry, but now you’re just laying it on a little too thick,” he said and looked at the man sitting at the foot of the bed.
“And what does that mean?” Spartacus asked , “You know damn well that Sura was the best–”
“I’m not talking about Sura,” Agron said quickly since it looked like the other man was all but ready to jump him, “I’m talking about the wedding. Don’t try to tell me that getting suited up in a rental to recite Bible verses in front of a bunch of people you barely know was somehow the best moment of your life. I mean, really? No, that’s just some romance novel bullshit, man. I know you better than that.”
Spartacus closed his eyes for a second and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, excuse me for trying to bring romance into this. Apparently I chose the wrong venue. Who knew?”
“And this shoehorned, manufactured crap is as romantic as a Hallmark card, is all I’m saying,” Agron said.
“So I’m guessing I won’t be marrying you off anytime soon.”
Agron rolled his eyes. “Yeah, just because something’s legal doesn’t mean I should be doing it. And some of us can do life just fine without all the paperwork, you know.”
The president was still looking at him funny, but at least he didn’t look like he was going for a kill anymore, so Agron decided to take that as a concession and turned back to the mirror.
“And weddings are for women anyway,” he continued, and then Spartacus was already chuckling behind him again.
“Please tell me you’re going to repeat that later when there actually are women around. Because trust me, I’d pay good money to see how that goes down.”
Agron tried smoothing down the front of his hair, but finally gave up the effort with a sigh.
“Okay, let me rephrase. Weddings are for people who like to play dress up and for idiots with too much disposable income. Of any gender.”
“You’re lucky that I just put on a clean shirt,” Crixus said as he walked back in from the bathroom. “Cos otherwise you’d be dead by now.”
“You wouldn’t kill your best man.”
“You’re so far from the best, brother, it ain’t even funny. But at least standing next to your ugly mug will only make me look better. So you have that going for you.”
“And you were sure you didn’t want blood on that shirt?”
Agron was already taking a second step forward but didn’t make further than that when he felt Spartacus’ hand on his shoulder, pulling him back.
“Now, now, children. No fighting. I already told Naevia I’d get all three of us out of this room alive, and I don’t like my chances if either of you walks out of here with a black eye.”
Crixus scoffed and then shoved them both aside as he stepped in front of the mirror himself.
“Anyway, talk shit all you like, Wiener schnitzel, but wait a month and you’ll be here doing the same thing. Mark my words.”
“And tell me one good reason why anyone would want to get married that hasn’t got to do with pretty dresses and cake toppings.”
“Tax benefits.”
“Oh god, I really hope you wrote something else in your vows,” Spartacus sighed behind them. But before Crixus had a chance to answer, he was cut off early by the door opening and Nasir leaning in through the doorway
“Everything’s ready,” he said, “We’ve got the cameras set up and guys keeping watch outside and there’s another security post just down the street. And I saw Naevia drive in just now. So all systems go.”
Agron chuckled and grabbed his cut that was still hanging over the back of one the chairs by the window. “I thought this was supposed to be a wedding, not a security drill,” he said as he shrugged the vest back on over his button up.
“Better safe than sorry,” Spartacus said and pushed himself off the windowsill just as Mira appeared next to Nasir in the doorway.
“If you boys are done primping, it’s time to get going. And here...I’m guessing this belongs to you.” She then passed the baby to Agron before he had chance to react – or protest – and disappeared back into the hallway. “Now get a move on guys, or we’ll start without you!”
“Your baby, man,” Agron said, handing the girl out to Crixus, but the other man shook his head at him.
“I’m getting married in five, apple strudel,” he answered and pushed past Agron towards the open door, stopping just long enough to give the girl a quick kiss on the back of her head. “Just make sure you don’t drop her.”
Agron watched Crixus walk away and then quickly spun around to find Spartacus, but by then, the president had already disappeared from behind him and made it out to the corridor himself.
“Sorry, Agron. Duty awaits.”
Agron swallowed down a couple of curses and then decided to try his luck with the one last person still left in the room, but Nasir quickly held up his hands.
“You’re on your own,” he said. “I gotta go again, anyway. It’s so bad out there, I had to put Saxa in charge or else they would’ve gone straight for the food.”
“You know she’ll probably break a few arms just for the heck of it.”
“Yeah, well the guys can go cry to someone else about it, I really don’t care,” Nasir replied and turned to walk out again, sending Agron one last smile over his shoulder. “See you out there, baby. Looking good, by the way.”
“You talking to me or her?”
“You decide.”
Nasir’s back disappeared behind the corner after the others and Agron sighed.
“Well, I guess you just got yourself a date for the wedding, Ms. D,” he said and lifted the girl higher against his shoulder as he walked out the door. “But just so we’re clear, no puking on the vest. You break it, you buy it. That’s the deal, okay?”