Chapter Text
PROLOGUE
A Lonely Bachelor No Longer
The second you clicked the button to publish your housing ad, a heavy sigh escaped your lungs and you sunk back into your leather office chair. Fuck. You had gotten really used to having the whole flat to yourself these past couple of weeks, but maintaining such a lifestyle required a bit more cash than you had anticipated. You had watched your savings trickle away with a grimace, bit by agonizing bit, and now you could no longer shrug your shoulders and wistfully say, "eh, I'm good for a while."
It was all thanks to your wonderful, fucking infuriating brother. What he had done these past couple of years had been nothing short of awesome (raising you single-handedly, saying "yeah, sure, we can hop on over there" with no questions asked when you got accepted to your first choice university, splitting rent for a condo halfway and helping you out every now and then with food and gas...), but here was where it inevitably came to a screeching halt. He got an offer for a job overseas that you Just Don't Say No To, and it was "all right little dude, I'm outta here, don't get pregnant or break any of my shit," and two weeks later he was gone, back turned to your two middle fingers. Which you didn't really mean. You only really meant one of them.
Alas, after a short, but blissful lone-bachelor stint, you figured you had better get a damn roommate before school started or else you were royally screwed. A bowl of mac and cheese, two pale ales, and half an hour later, your unironically bland housing post was up for grabs. Ugh.
-- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 20:46 --
GT: daaaaaave.
TG: sup
GT: fucking summer ochem hw.
GT: mechanisms are swimming in front of my eyes.
TG: that sucks
GT: yes. yes it does.
GT: and now that i have your esteemed second opinion, i am officially done for tonight.
TG: cool
GT: yep.
GT: so...
TG: just posted a roommate wanted ad
GT: ...
GT: wait......
GT: WHAT???
TG: yep
GT: no fucking way.
TG: you bet
GT: holy shit.
GT: HOLY SHIT.
TG: yup
GT: uh, wow.
GT: well, good luck dude!
TG: thanks
GT: sorry i couldn't...
GT: you know, be your roommate...
TG: its cool
GT: i mean, i totally would in like a fucking heartbeat if i didn't already have a roommate!!
TG: its fine bro
GT: it would be fucking awesome to live with you too, no joke!!
GT: don't think for a second that i would pick karkat over you if i had known you needed a renter!
TG: dude egbert pull your sweaty fingers away from the keyboard for a second and calm the fuck down
TG: i know dumbass you've been rooming with that same ornery asshole since freshman year
TG: im a lot of things but a homewrecker is not one of them
TG: it was a complete last minute thing cause bro is just so considerate like that
TG: and you had already signed your civil union papers i mean lease anyway
GT: oh, fuck you.
TG: ok
TG: gather round young grasshopper
TG: you need to hear this its important
TG: that right there would be what we big kids like to call cheating on your loved one
TG: its really just very selfish and inconsiderate
TG: you really should be more thoughtful of your life partner
TG: especially since you were destined to be together and have dumbass movie marathons where you would make homemade popcorn and share a blanket and maybe even get to
TG: hold
TG: each others
TG: hands
TG: if you could just summon the courage and be brave little toasters
TG: choking on all those feelings and red vines
GT: HA.
GT: HAHAHAHA
GT: OH MAN DAVE YOU ARE SO FUNNY
TG: true
GT: I AM JUSTING LAUGHING MY ASS OFF
GT: NAY I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING OVER HERE
GT: OH GOD ALL OF MY RIBS ARE BREAKING BECAUSE YOUR JOKE WAS SO FUNNY
GT: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TG: all right holy fuck
TG: youre fucking batshit you know that
GT: oh, whatever, pot.
GT: but seriously, good luck with the search.
GT: and let me know how it goes!!
TG: sure thing kettle
TG: now you be a good little boy and finish your homework
GT: uuuuuugh, fuck that, im gonna go get some takeout.
TG: cool
GT: bye dave!
TG: later
-- ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:05 --
You rubbed the cheerfully colored after-images from your tired eyes and sighed again, absentmindedly listening to the rhythmic bass that rumbled our of your speakers. As much as you loved and begrudgingly cherished the overwhelming ball of optimistic energy that was your best friend, sometimes he just made you feel like you needed another beer. And what kind of temporary bachelor would you be if you didn't give in to temptation?