Chapter Text
Gayoung was waiting outside for her father. He was still in the garage. But someone held her left hand, pulled her and walked. "Oppa!"
Changmin looked at her and smiled. "Don't you always want to hold hands when walking?"
Gayoung looked back. Her father's car went out from the garage. "My Appa is-"
"Samchon! Don't worry, I'll take Gayoungie to school!" Changmin waved to Mr Moon.
Mr Moon waved back through his car window.
Gayoung could feel her hand getting sweaty from the nervousness and somehow her heart beat so hard. She pulled her hand. But Changmin caught it.
"Let go," Gayoung said.
"Where are you going?" Changmin looked at her.
"I'm not going anywhere! Oppa, release my hand." Gayoung pulling out her hand.
"What are you going to do with it anyway?"
"Picking my nose." Gayoung replied randomly.
Changmin gave her a disgusted look. "Use your other hand."
"I always use my left one." Gayoung smiled cheekily, amused by Changmin's expression.
Changmin realized she was kidding, then gave her his left free hand. "Here. Use mine."
Gayoung took Changmin's hand, held out his pinky and pointed it to her nose hole. "AH! Oppa, are you really gonna do this!?"
"Then are you really gonna do that?" Changmin laughed.
Gayoung pouted. "My hand is sweaty, Oppa...it's embarrassing. Let go." she finally said.
Changmin let out an understanding sigh. "Mine too. It's okay."
But Gayoung wiggled her hand until she was free from Changmin's grasp. Changmin quickly got a hold of her elbow. She looked at him. "What are you doing?"
"Just... in case you run away." he replied innocently.
"Of course not!" she scoffed. "That's so stupid..."
"Did you just call me stupid?"
"Well, Oppa, you-"
"Yah, now I ask who is the one who did a single simple math question for an hour!?"
Gayoung closed her mouth and looked away, walked faster and left Changmin behind.
Changmin felt bad. He ran after her. "Hey," he nudged her shoulder.
Gayoung said nothing.
"Hey, I'm sorry..." Changmin said.
Gayoung didn't look at him.
"Gayoung-ah," Changmin touched her shoulder. "Are you angry?"
Gayoung gave him a look. And stuck out her tongue. "Of course not! I'm just kidding, Oppa," she laughed.
Changmin glared at her. Huffed, folded his arms and walked fast.
Gayoung blinked. "Oppa..." she went after him. "Are you angry?"
"No." Changmin responded, a bit roughly, though he smiled in his heart.
"Fine." Gayoung said nothing else.
Changmin gave her a disappointed look. Gayoung widened her eyes innocently. He sighed. "You... make me feel really cheap."
*
"Hi, Gayoung!"
"Hi!" Gayoung greeted Suho back. She was going to the canteen with Luna and Sujeong, who patted her butt playfully and pushed her to Suho.
"See you later, Youngie~" Sujeong winked and went together with Luna, left her alone with Suho. There was someone whistling. Jongin, who sat two tables away from them. Suho gave him a glare and the boys laughed.
Suho smiled to her nervously. "Do you want to eat together?"
"Eat. Your. Heart. You mean?"
Gayoung gasped and looked at the man who just talked. She hit him hard. "Yah!"
Suho bowed awkwardly to Changmin.
"She's my girlfriend." Changmin stated.
Suho's eyes widened and he looked at Gayoung and Changmin back and forth.
Gayoung gave Changmin a warning glare. "I don't say anything about being your girlfriend." she whispered.
"But I-"
"And you're so mean. Apologize to him," Gayoung slapped Changmin back.
"What?" Changmin narrowed his eyes.
"Apologize." she repeated firmly.
Changmin sighed and looked at Suho. "I'm sorry."
Gayoung gave Suho a small smile.
Changmin pulled her wrist and walked away from Suho.
"Oppa! What the- stop!" Gayoung hit Changmin's arm.
Changmin made him sat in one of the seat, and sat in front of her. "What's with you and Suho?" he put a paper bag on the table. "Do you like him?"
"Well... he... made me feel special." Gayoung said slowly.
"He said that you're beautiful and you're that happy? You like it so much?"
"Well, it's nice to hear." Gayoung retorted.
Changmin scoffed. "You're so cheap."
Gayoung fumed. "Right! Even I'm that cheap, it's so hard for you to make me happy before, huh?" she stood up. "I'm having lunch with him."
"Wait!" Changmin held her hand. "I... I make us lunch." he took the lunchboxes out from the bag.
"You really cook this yourself?" Gayoung looked at the lunchbox Changmin gave suspiciously, slowly sat back.
"Of course... you know my Umma can't cook." Changmin said, opened his own lunchbox, had the same menu with Gayoung; kimchi fried rice, egg rolls, and three octopus sausages.
"Really?" Gayoung asked again.
Changmin sighed. "Why you won't believe me?"
"Then why you suddenly cook lunch for me?" Gayoung took the chopsticks.
"I'm just-" Changmin exhaled. "I realized that I have to treat you well... and... I haven't done a good job of it." he trailed off.
Gayoung said nothing.
"And what's with your girlfriends? I thought they're supporting me, but they pushed you to Suho?" Changmin said, mouth already full with food. "And, and... why are they cheering you on with him?"
"They're Suho's friend... I think they know he likes me." Gayoung stabbed the sausages with her chopstick.
Changmin hummed lowly and mumbled something.
Gayoung looked at him. "What?"
"Do you like him?" Changmin refused to look at her.
Gayoung didn't answer.
Changmin lifted his head. "Do you like him?" he repeated.
"Well, he's nice to me." Gayoung said. And doesn't kissing girls around, she wanted to add.
"Why is everybody like him?" Changmin almost groaned.
"Who?"
Changmin sighed deeply. "Qian likes him."
Changmin's lunch was appetizing and Gayoung gulped down her saliva once she smelt the delicious fried rice. But she didn't feel like eating anymore. She remembered Song Qian said that she liked someone younger. "So you're jealous because she likes him?"
Changmin looked at her confusedly. "What?"
"So that's why you're upset? Because Song Qian likes Suho?"
"What?! Gosh, no!" Changmin quickly denied it. "It's not because of her! Okay?! It's you!" he exhaled.
"Me?!" Gayoung's eyes widened in shock.
"Just forget it." it was quiet for a while and Changmin knew that he shouldn't mention her. He took a piece of eggroll with his chopstick and offered it to Gayoung. "It's really delicious."
Gayoung huffed, leaned back and folded her arms.
"I woke up 4 am in the morning for this." Changmin said, still held the eggroll in the air.
"I'm not hungry." Gayoung muttered.
"How come you never hungry when you're with me?"
"Well, you make me lost my appetite."
Changmin's hand fell in defeat. "Just... can you at least eat it a little? I make them for you." he hated how his voice sounded whiny.
Gayoung sighed, opened her mouth and let Changmin fed her a piece of eggroll.
Changmin looked at her hopefully. "Okay?"
"It's good." she chewed slowly.
Changmin smiled in relieve, and fed Gayoung more food. "Can't you feed me back?" he asked as Gayoung devoured another spoon of fried rice. "My lunchbox is empty already, look at yours,"
She shook her head, cheeks full with rice. It was like Changmin was feeding Gayoung and himself from the his lunchbox, and she ate more from Changmin than from her own lunchbox. They weren't talking, too busy munching. And Gayoung didn't want to tell that Changmin's cooking was delicious, but felt like the man already knew it from how she devoured the food.
In the end Changmin ate the rest of Gayoung's lunchbox because she was full already.
*
Suho stopped her before Gayoung went into her class. "So... is Changmin sunbae really your boyfriend?"
Gayoung bit her lip. "He... used to."
"Oh," Suho hid his disappointment. "I... never knew he's such a possessive guy."
"Yeah... he wasn't, I think." Gayoung replied.
Suho let out an awkward laugh. "It would be nice to be friends with you."
"Thank you. I'd like that." Gayoung smiled.
*
“You don’t have the after school lesson?” Gayoung asked when Changmin walked home with her.
“No. I got a perfect mark for this lesson so I don’t need it.” Changmin said.
Gayoung scoffed.
“It’s real. The teacher said it herself. Mrs Han.” Changmin nudged Gayoung.
“Okay, smarty Oppa.” Gayoung said sarcastically, and Changmin just chuckled.
It started to rain, was just a drizzle and the two fasten their steps.
“Should we find a shelter?” Changmin asked.
Gayoung looked up to the sky, which wasn’t that dark. “Let’s just walk. It’s not that far anyway.”
But the rain got heavier and in second they were drenched wet and Changmin pulled her to the nearest convenience store. “Let’s stay for a while.”
Gayoung blew away a stand of wet hair away from her face and adjusts her headband. “Ah, right! I think I bring an umbrella…” she rummaged through her bag.
“How come you don’t remember that?” Changmin said as she pulled out her umbrella.
“Well, I forgot, okay!” Gayoung said.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to raise your voice.” Changmin took the umbrella from her and opened it. “Come on.”
They walked side by side, arms stuck to each other but Changmin didn’t have the gut to hold her hand, a bit of afraid he’d get rejected again. Sometimes, he hoped that he was like her. Had some nerve to do things. To be the first to reach out for hand. To lean closer for a kiss. To confess your feelings…
There were two guys walking from the opposite side and they were staring at Gayoung. Then there was a man in suit, also gave her a look. Changmin looked at them confusedly. And when there were two other schoolboys walking past them, they were also staring, and whispered to each other. Changmin caught their glance.
To her breasts.
The rain made her white uniform wet and see through, and when he looked at the girl beside her, he could see clearly the blue bra she was wearing underneath that shirt uniform.
Another walked by and he frankly enjoyed the view even from three steps away.
“Yah!” Changmin couldn’t hold it. Gayoung flinched in surprise, and the man even also startled, almost lost his grip to his umbrella. “You pervert!”
The man quickly walked away, and Gayoung awkwardly covered her body with her arms.
“Why you don’t wear undershirt?”
“I had PE class today and forgot to bring another one…” Gayoung bit her lip. Gosh, it was really embarrassing. Changmin could see it too!
Changmin sighed and told Gayoung to stand behind him. “You walk behind me, okay.”
Gayoung mumbled a yes.
“Does the rain get you?” Changmin asked, turned his face to the side.
“No, it’s okay, Oppa.” It was kind of hard to walk close behind him, she almost got stepped on Changmin’s big foot twice and she unconsciously held Changmin’s shirt.
The man didn’t protest, though. They just walked home in silent.
When they reached home, Changmin turned around and handed the umbrella to Gayoung.
“Take this to your home first, Oppa. It’s still raining,” Gayoung said.
“It’s okay,” Changmin said, head bent down a bit because Gayoung was holding the umbrella and she was shorter than him. The top of his head hit the umbrella.
Gayoung felt too self conscious about her see through shirt. But she could see Changmin was looking to her eyes. And that made her felt even more nervous. “You’re wet.” She could see drops of water on Changmin’s face, down to his chin. He must’ve held the umbrella too much to the back so she wouldn’t get wet.
Changmin just smiled. That gorgeous, handsome mismatched smile. With his eyes so bright in this gloomy weather, and face so close to her, made Gayoung’s limbs felt weak and she dropped her hands a little, made the umbrella went down, brought Changmin’s head even closer to her.
She just looked at him, and could see that his smile faded a little. Gayoung could see his wet eyelashes, and he leaned closer to her. His breath felt hot on her cold face.
It was a kiss.
Almost.
Because Gayoung leaned away, and the umbrella fell from her hand. “I- I’m sorry, Oppa,”
Changmin said nothing but took the umbrella from the ground, and held it up. They were standing closer than before.
Gayoung could see the disappointed look on his face. “I just-“ she took a deep breath.
“Hate me?” Changmin finished her words quietly.
“No!” Gayoung quickly replied. “It just that… you were about to kiss me and it just- I keep-“ she closed her eyes. “It just reminds me of… you kissing another woman.”
Changmin frowned. He couldn’t say anything about that.
“I know this sound childish…” she mumbled. “But I can’t erase the picture of you kissing her, hold her with- with your hands, and- you kissed her! With your lips,” Gayoung looked at Changmin’s lips.
“Is that why you don’t want to hold hands with me? Because I held her?”
“Maybe… I don’t know…” Gayoung looked down sadly. “And I just can’t kiss you.”
“Gayoung, believe me, I don’t like her anymore! Not more than as friends!” Changmin looked at her deeply.
Gayoung said nothing.
“It’s my fault to break your trust in me, but… now I… I really…” Changmin felt frustrated. Why it was so hard to voice out his feelings? “Look, you should’ve known how I feel about you, right?”
Gayoung was puzzled.
“Kids! What are you doing in the middle of the rain?”
Gayoung gasped and Changmin almost jumped in his place.
“Umma!” Changmin protested.
Mrs Shim was in her car, window rolled down half to prevent the rain coming in his car. “Son, are you trying to kiss Gayoungie?!”
“Imo!”
“Umma!”
“Yeah, yeah, continue it, kids,” Mrs Shim rolled up her window.
Changmin teeth clenched tight, he gripped the umbrella hard enough to break it. “Umma! Go!” he yelled to the car, which was unmoving. It was clear that Mrs Shim was still watching them.
When the car got in to the Shim’s house garage, Changmin looked back at her.
“Let’s just go home.” Gayoung said finally.
“Yeah…” Changmin rubbed the back of his neck, looked down. And caught a glimpse of her bra accidentally. “You should… go inside. Quick.” He said awkwardly.
“Right.” Gayoung almost forgot about her wet shirt.
*
“Are you sick?” Changmin looked at Gayoung, who was wearing a mask and jacket. They were walking to school the next morning.
“I’m fine.” she coughed, but disguised it like she was lightly clearing her throat.
“You should’ve stayed at home…” Changmin said warily. He pulled down Gayoung’s mask and her nose was red. “See?”
Gayoung tsked and pulled up the mask. “I’m fine.” She repeated.
“You’re sick, Gayoung-ah.” Changmin stated the fact.
“I’m not…” but then she coughed.
“That’s it. Let’s go home.” Changmin pulled Gayoung’s hand and dragged him home. “Why do you insist to go to school in this kind of condition…” he mumbled.
Her house was empty. Gayoung changed her clothes to warmer ones when Changmin was looking for medicine for her.
Gayoung was curling under the blanket when he came to his bedroom. “I really should’ve stayed at home…” she wiped the snot from his nose.
“Then why are you going out?” Changmin asked, gave him the warm water.
Gayoung put his cold palm around the glass thankfully. “I thought I’d get better...”
Changmin said nothing and gave him the medicine. “You have eaten breakfast, right?”
Gayoung didn’t answer.
“You haven’t?”
“I woke up late because not feeling well…” Gayoung said quietly.
Changmin hissed. “You know that you’re sick, but why aren’t you eating breakfast? And even you force yourself to go to school?”
Gayoung covered his head with the blanket. “Don’t yell! My head is dizzy, Oppa..!”
Feeling sorry, Changmin sat on the bed next to her, pulled the blanket and unveiled her face slowly. Her eyes were glassy and her nose was more red that before. “I’m gonna find you some food.” He patted Gayoung’s head and went out to the kitchen.
There was a pot of chicken soup in the fridge. Changmin took it out and put it on the stove. There was still some rice in the rice cooker, maybe Mrs Moon just cooked it this morning. When he was rolling his sleeves up, Gayoung came down to the kitchen.
“You should get some rest.” Changmin said, stirred the soup once in a while.
“I feel bad to make you do these things, Oppa…” Gayoung sat and put his head on the dining table.
“… what things..?”
“You have to skipped school and even cook for me… and your tests are coming, right?” Gayoung frowned, used her folded arms on the table as pillow for her heavy head.
“What are you saying… you’d do the same for me.” Changmin said. When he was finished with the food, he turned around to see that she was sleeping already.
*
Gayoung startled awake and suddenly she was in the air. She gasped as she realized what happened. “Oppa, put me down!”
Changmin held her up in his arms, carried her to her bedroom. “You’re heavy.” He said as he climbed the stairs.
“That’s why, I can walk- ah!” Gayoung tightened her holding around Changmin’s neck and shoulder as he slipped on a step.
“See? You’re not letting go either.”
Gayoung huffed, gulped slowly as she realized how close they were. Heck, there was not a space left between their bodies. Changmin’s scent was familiar, and she felt safe because of it. Protected.
Changmin put her down carefully on her bed and went down again to bring a tray of food. He put it in the table and sat next to her in the bed. He held the bowl and fed her.
“You don’t have to do this, Oppa…” Gayoung said as Changmin lifted the spoon to her mouth.
“It’s the least I can do.”
“What are you talking about?”
Changmin put the spoon back to the bowl. “I know I wasn’t a good boyfriend for you. A very terrible one.” He said nervously. “You were always around me. I didn’t know how to make you stop doing that, with, with your silly smile and stupid laugh…” he looked at her. “And you’re so considerate and affectionate I just don’t know what to do. And I don’t know why I did something that disappointed you, that made you angry and walked away from my life when I’m already fine with you in it. I feel so lonely and empty. I want you back in my world.”
Their eyes met.
Changmin took a deep breath. “You’ve changed the way I feel towards you.”
Gayoung blinked in confusion.
“I just don’t know how to say it. And I wish I can just show it instead, but… it’s harder than I imagined.” Changmin continued.
They were still for a moment, before Gayoung gave Changmin a calming smile. “I must be very heavy…” she wiped Changmin’s forehead with her hand. “You’re sweating a lot.”
Changmin scoffed and looked down. Saw the bowl on his lap and remembered that Gayoung should be eating, and started to feed her.
*
On Saturday, Sujeong came to her house. “You feel better?”
“I’m perfectly healthy right now.” Gayoung just finished shower. “Luna isn’t coming?”
“We’re meeting up with her in the park. I think she’s with Kyungsoo.”
Gayoung hummed.
“She should’ve come here so she could do your hair.” Sujeong mumbled as she sat on her bed.
“Why? It’s okay.” Gayoung took a loose sweater and wore it with a pair of jeans.
“You’re gonna wear that?” Sujeong lifted her eyebrows.
“Why?” Gayoung looked at her. “We’re just going to the park, right?”
“Well- yeah…” Sujeong hesitated a bit. “Let’s go.”
When they arrived at the park, Gayoung wanted to buy ice cream but Sujeong told her not to, and she started to feel suspicious of her friend’s behavior. They kept walking until Sujeong stopped abruptly.
“What’s with you?” Gayoung asked.
But then she heard a faint melody.
“Gayoung-ah,” and Changmin’s voice.
She turned around, and there he was. Held the guitar and standing awkwardly, tried to ignore people staring to him. Gayoung could also see Yoochun, who was standing by, ready with his keyboard.
“You asked me to sing you a song, right?” Changmin asked again. He was like five metres away from her, and she was somehow frozen in her spot, unable to move closer or even breath. “I will sing this for you.” Changmin said again, then he gave a little nod to Yoochun, who started to play the keyboard.
“Tears keep flowing
I don’t even have the strength to wipe them away now
It seems like your traces will be erased as well
But I probably don’t want that
Which is why I cry again
Because I couldn’t say I love you
Because I don’t have that kind of courage
I am sorry I can’t say a word to you who was leaving
I miss you even more
I keep sighing
Even after time passes, I miss you more
I know I can’t ever see you again
But I’m looking for you among the people in the street
Because I couldn’t say I love you
Because I don’t have that kind of courage
I am sorry I can’t say a word to you who was leaving
I miss you even more
I want to tell you I love you
But you’re not by my side anymore
I yell out that I miss you
But I know I can’t turn things back
So I miss you…”
Changmin looked at her, who was still nailed in her place, unable to move an inch as she listened to him singing. Gayoung’s eyes somehow teary and Changmin walked to her.
“Is it okay?”
Gayoung breathed again. “It’s okay, Oppa.”
Changmin slowly reached to her hand. “I… I can’t say those words… I don’t know how to say it.” He looked at her deeply. “But I hope you understand.”
Gayoung smiled and nodded. “You just said it, silly Oppa.”
Changmin scoffed in relieved and pulled her in his embrace. And finally, she was in his world again. “I love you,” he whispered to her ear. Finally could say it all.
“I love you too,” Gayoung replied, hugged him tighter.
There was someone whistled and Gayoung could see the crowds were all staring, waiting. The weather got hotter and Gayoung tied up her hair to a messy bun. Damn, she really hoped she dressed prettily! And Luna to do her hair also!
“You… really should’ve sung when I asked you to…” Gayoung looked down, felt a bit embarrassed, but her arms were still around Changmin’s body.
“Why?” Changmin looked at her.
“Don’t we need more private place to-“
“Kiss?” Changmin cut her.
Gayoung looked at her unbelievably. “What?”
“Eii… is it about the kiss again?” Changmin pretended as if he was upset.
Gayoung’s mouth opened in a protest. “What? You the one who said it! That didn’t come to my mind until… you mention it now…” her voice went quiet.
Changmin leaned down and kissed her cheek. “We had our first kiss already.”
Gayoung pulled her arm from their hug. “If you’re talking about that kiss after Suho confessed to me, it doesn’t count.”
Changmin hummed in a deep thought. “Well, if you counted that anyway, that would be two.”
Gayoung blinked. “What? So there’s another one?”
Changmin just chuckled, put his guitar in his bag and slung the bag on his shoulder.
“When did we kiss? How come I don’t know? Oppa!” Gayoung nagged him.
“Let’s go,” Changmin took her hand. “Didn’t you say you want to go somewhere more private?”
Watching the couple walked away, Sujeong grinned to herself, didn’t realize Yoochun took a seat beside her on the grass.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Yoochun asked Sujeong.
Soojung was going to look away but didn’t want to seem impolite but looking at Yoochun’s eyes made her nervous so she just looked at his lips. And damn it looked so soft and- Sujeong cleared her throat. “None right now.”
Yoochun hummed. “Too bad,” he said. “I have a girlfriend.”
Sujeong wished Yoochun couldn’t sense her disappointment. “Th- that’s good.”
Yoochun grinned. “I’m just kidding!”
Sujeong let out an awkward laugh, then said seriously, “I’m kidding too. I have a boyfriend already.”
Yoochun almost frown. “Oh.”
Sujeong laughed. “No, I don’t have one.” She said quickly.
“Let’s stop this game and find some food, what you say?” Yoochun asked, and Sujeong nodded eagerly.
*
Changmin was reheating the soup in the Moon’s kitchen. Gayoung was sick and hadn’t eaten her breakfast, and the silly girl went to school with empty stomach.
“I feel bad to make you do these things, Oppa…” Gayoung said as Changmin was stirring the soup.
“What things?” Changmin replied slowly.
“You have to skipped school and even cook for me… and your tests are coming, right?”
Changmin smiled to himself. She was always like this. Put someone else in front of her. He didn’t understand how she could care so much about him. How she remembered all little things about him. It was burdensome in some point, but he also felt grateful for it.
“What are you saying… you’d do the same for me.” Changmin finally said.
He turned off the stove and poured the hot soup to the bowl. He also heated the rice, and the steam came out as soon as he opened the lid. He scooped some rice, and took a pair of chopsticks and a spoon from the drawer.
When he brought the food to the table, Gayoung was sleeping. She was breathing slowly, and Changmin thought Gayoung looked so peaceful like this.
An angel, he thought randomly. And felt embarrassed of how cheesy his thought was. He brushed her cheekbone with his thumb, and leaned closer to her face, and kissed her.Her lips were a bit chapped and dry, but Changmin could feel her breath and it was calming and intoxicating at the same time.
He didn’t know how he got there. Kissing her.
Changmin quickly pulled back, stood up straight and took a deep breath as soon as he realized what he had done. Felt bad because she was asleep, and was sick and tired. But he just couldn’t help himself.
Changmin arranged her limbs and slung her right arm around his shoulder, put his arms under her thighs and lifted her up.
“Oppa, put me down!” Gayoung startled awoke.
Changmin just grinned. Wondered what if she knew what he done minutes earlier. “You’re heavy.” He missed a step on the stairs and almost fell.
Gayoung yelled and tightened her hold, and Changmin’s heart almost stopped beating.
And that was when he realized why he kissed her earlier. Maybe he had fallen too deep with this girl.