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This was… not as exciting as he thought it’d be.
Pretending to be a date for some sad asshole that Stan was friends with? Boring! Hell, Sad Guy swatted his hand away when he was about to give him an expert handy-J! God, talk about pathetic!
So, as Sad Guy was trying desperately to convince the cashier that Roger was his girlfriend, Roger stands awkwardly, fiddling with his purse and brushing away a stray curl from his wig.
His phone vibrates violently for a second time.
“I have to take this,” Roger says, knowing damn well that the sack of shit John would just ignore him. “This better be important, Steve.”
“ Roger! It-It-It’s Rogu! ”
“Rogu? What about him?”
Panic briefly fills him, but Steve was always such a stickler for the rules. Roger’s quite confident that Steve knows what he’s doing and he’s just wondering about how to handle a tantrum.
“ The C.I.A! They have him! Oh, God, I’m so sorry Roger- “
Roger hears nothing but white noise.
Rogu? His baby? The source of the rumor that he used to be his tumor? He's Rogu, his baby, and he's…
...not there.
“What…?”
“ I’m-I’m at the Sharks stadium, an-and-and- “
“Stay there. I’m on my way. And just to be clear, if there is even the slightest bump on my baby, I will chop your dick off and feed it to Klaus, who I know is with you right now. Clear?”
Roger hangs up the phone before Steve could even begin to stammer out a reply. Time slows all around the alien, quickly digging into Sad Guy’s pocket and fishing out what little he had. (Barely over a hundred bucks? I mean, come on, Roger might be dressed like a whore but he’s still classy!)
In what seems like a second to humans, he’s standing beside the idiot boy.
“Roger, thank God!”
“Don’t you even start your shit with me, Steve! How the hell did babysitting my baby lead to him getting taken and you being at the damn Sharks’ game?! ”
Steve is visibly upset already, but Roger could care less. It was hard to keep his emotions in check, and right now, Roger wanted it all out of his system.
“I mean, did you even listen to the rules I gave you?! Three. Simple. Rules! And you fucked that up?! ” His voice gets shrill. “Francine was right! I should’ve never trusted you with my Rogu! He’s probably upset! Scared! Do you even know what’s at Area 51?! There’s a damn reason I refuse to talk about it!!
“I just! I-I don’t know why... ”
Both Klaus and Roger are wildly uncomfortable as Roger trembles in his anger and starts crying uncontrollably.
“Welp. I’m out.” The fish scoots away.
Rolling his eyes, Steve kneels next to Roger, gently rubbing his shoulder. “Roger, I know I messed up so bad, but that’s why I called you here. I need you to help me get Rogu back.”
“I… I know, it’s just… I’ve never loved anyone like Rogu, it’s… it was hard for me to just give him up to you and now this whole thing happened!!
“How… How am I gonna trust you again…?”
…
It hurt, but it was true.
Unless Steve can magically locate where they’re keeping Rogu…
That’s it!
“Roger, I think I know where they’re keeping him!” Steve excitedly runs off, dragging his friend with him. “Dad always said his favourite HQ location was near this stadium!”
“Because he could just ditch whatever he was doing to make it to the Bazooka Sharks’ game!” Roger finishes, smiling widely as he wipes away the rest of his tears as they sprint. “Steve, that’s brilliant!”
But before they get too far, Roger stops him.
“Listen, Steve… I just want you to know that-“
“No, Roger. You should really keep hating me. Until I make it up to you by getting you your baby back. Y’know! Rogu? Maybe? Rogu? Your baby?”
Roger giggles before they shove off once again.
This time, a little happier.