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Chapter 10: Diamonds (The End)

Summary:

“Linds, I don’t care if you read it or recite it or say something completely different,” Sonnett says, caressing her cheek, “I just want to hear your voice.  Hear you tell me how much you love me.”

Notes:

Thanks to Sonnshine for reminding me that music was the whole point of this and I needed to continue it in the epilogue.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

My Forever Girl (a playlist)

 

I love you like a diamond
And diamonds are forever
You know it when you find one
You never let go, ever
People spend their whole damn life trying to find that shine
Yeah, I found mine
I love you like a diamond
And diamonds are forever
Forever, ever

 

“What?” Emily stops brushing her teeth when she catches Lindsey staring at her from her perch on the bathroom counter.

“You said yes.  And now I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”  It still seems like a little too remarkable to be reality.

Emily rinses before responding.  Stepping in between Lindsey’s legs, she slides her hands up her fiancé’s thighs and under her shorts.  “You had me for the rest of our lives already.  Didn’t have to propose.  This just makes it better.”

“Better how?” Lindsey asks.

“Better because soon, we won’t be living in sin.”

“You didn’t seem to mind living in sin much this morning,” Lindsey teases her, and Emily winks. 

“So I cherry-pick the Bible.  What of it?”  Emily hops on her back and they make their way to bed.

 

“Did you think about it, before tonight, I mean, what our wedding would be like?  The dresses?  The flowers?  You know, all that stuff?” Lindsey asks quietly in the darkness, stroking Emily’s cheek.

“Only for like the past six years,” Emily snorts.  “It’s all planned in my head already.”

“Seriously?”

Emily lets out a big sigh as she ponders whether or not she should prove that to Lindsey.  “Wait here.”  She gets up and returns several minutes later with some journals that had been stacked on a shelf, collecting dust.  She clicks on the lamp and starts flipping through them until she finds what she was looking for, and Lindsey knows the second she finds it because of the smile that spreads across her face.  “Here.  2017.”

It takes Lindsey’s eyes a moment to adjust to what she’s seeing.

“Kelley told me I needed to journal to process everything I was dealing with, with soccer, and religion, and… and you.  I wasn’t that good at it, because I’d always start doodling instead of writing.  I’m better at that than writing, you know.  But then doodling would turn into daydreaming and daydreaming would turn into this.”

 

Emily Sonnett-Horan

Lindsey Sonnett

Lindsey Horan-Sonnett

Emily Horan

It’s written over and over and over.  In cursive.  In perfect print.  Inside hearts.  Like that was what she finally settled on.

 

“Sonny…” Lindsey murmurs. 

Emily blushes.  It’s so stupid.  Such a middle school girl thing to do.  She had no business doing it a year out from her college graduation.  She has no business showing Lindsey now because it’s embarrassing, and yet... it’s ok.  Because it’s Lindsey, and in Lindsey, she’s found the safety to be vulnerable.  She clears her throat.  “See?  No chance I’d say no.”

“You always knew…”  Lindsey’s voice trails off in wonderment.  It’s not a question.  It’s amazing.  It hurts Lindsey’s heart a little that she always knew too and resisted those feelings so hard for so long.  But it doesn’t take long for that pang of guilt to fade because Emily’s lips are on hers.

“I always hoped is more what it was,” Emily says softly.

“What’s this?” Lindsey asks, pointing to smaller cursive. 

“Nothing.” Sonnett tries to take her journal back.

“Em- ”

Emily squeezes her eyes shut.  “Fine.” She hands the journal back.

 

Hazel and Henry

Hazel Sonnett-Horan

Henry Sonnett-Horan

Hazel Horan

Henry Horan

 

“Is this…” Lindsey starts, but she can’t finish the sentence.

“Yeah.”

“You picked out names for our kids,” Lindsey chokes out.

“I mean, it was just stupid daydreaming.  Obviously, we can name our kids whatever you want.  I was just messing- ”

“I like those names.”

“Yeah, but…”

“I mean it.”  Every time she thinks there’s no way that Emily can get any cuter, no way she can adore this woman more than she already does, Emily does something else that tugs at her heartstrings.   “What if we have two boys?”

“Henry and… Hudson?”

“I love that.  What if we have two girls?”

“Hazel and Harriet?”

“No.” Lindsey says emphatically.

“Why no?”

“Because Tobin will call her Harry and say that we named our child after her.”

Emily laughs, that full belly laugh that Lindsey loves.  “She would totally say that, you’re right.”

“Hattie.”

“It’s just short for Harriet.”

“No way Tobin knows that.  What if I want three kids?  Or four?”  Emily’s eyes go wide.  “Kidding. We can’t let kids raised by you outnumber us.  Because you’re going to think it’s so cute to teach them to be mischievous, and then it’s not gonna be cute at all when we can’t handle them.”

“Excuse me, but our moms decided you were a worse child than me.  I, my dear, will raise our children to be perfect angels.”

“The lies.”

“Shoulda saved Luke Combs for our wedding,” Emily says, taking her journals back before Lindsey gets the bright idea to start reading them.

“Oh my god, we’ll get someone else.  Who do you want?” Lindsey flops back down on the bed. 

“I don’t know, who can you get?  Eric Church.  Brett Eldridge.  I’ll think about it,” Emily shrugs.  “Being engaged to the Ballon d’Or winner has its perks apparently.”  Lindsey laughs and shakes her head.  “Oooohhh, I know.  Darius Rucker.”

“I’ll have my people reach out to his people,” Lindsey smirks.

“Hey, so did you really have a whole speech or something planned out to ask me to marry you?”

“Maybe.”

“Kelley said you read it to her like a dozen times.”

“Kelley needs to learn to keep her mouth shut.”

“Baby,” Emily begs, “I want to hear it. I want to know what you were going to say.”

“Can’t I just not and recycle it for our wedding vows?  It was hard to write.  I don’t know if I can write something separate for that, and you already said yes, so.”

“Please.”

“Em…”

“We can just say traditional vows. You don’t have to write anything else.  Promise.”

“God, I hate not being able to say no to you.”  Lindsey groans and rolls over, digging around in her drawer for a folded piece of paper.  “Here.”

“Baby,” Emily whines, “read it to me.”

“I swear I memorized it,” Lindsey starts, suddenly embarrassed that she fucked that part up so badly tonight. 

“Linds, I don’t care if you read it or say it or say something completely different,” Sonnett says, caressing her cheek, “I just want to hear your voice.  Hear you tell me how much you love me.”

“I’m just going to read it.  I don’t want to mess up again.  But I swear I memorized it.”

“Linds!”

“K. Fine.  So I wrote this while you were sleeping.  That’s not part of it.  It’s…”

“Context?”

“Yeah, context. Ok.”

 

Dasani,

Firstly, when I met you at camp back when we were kids, I never could have dreamed that this would be where I would end up.  Sitting next to you in bed watching you sleep is sometimes the best part of my day.  You’re so beautiful, so completely at peace, and it makes my heart feels so full.  These times are when everything stops spinning and I remember that you are more than my person, you’re my whole world. 

My entire life, when people talked about fate and soulmates, I never got it.  I thought those things belonged in the same category as fairytales – they just don’t happen.  You don’t meet the love of your life in high school and cross paths with them again and again and then magically fall in love.  Except we did.  Exactly that.  It’s like the universe kept putting you right in front of me til I finally got it.

 

“Sonny, I don’t want to keep reading this,” Lindsey’s voice cracks as she folds the paper back up. 

Emily sits up cross-legged on the bed, mirroring Lindsey.  They end up holding hands, staring into each other’s eyes, just like they used to when they’d finally see each other at national team camp after ages apart.  “Just talk to me, baby.”

Lindsey lets out a long, slow breath.   “It’s just, there’s something more to us, a lot more to us, that we realize.  Or at least than I realized, I don’t know.  Maybe you knew the whole time.  The universe connected us a long time ago, knew we were it for each other, made sure we kept crossing paths.  Like, we met, we got separated by a whole ocean, and then we both ended up in Portland.  That never should have happened.  Who uses the number one pick in the draft on a defender?”

“Hey now- ”

“And that trade with Alex.  That was such a bad deal for Orlando.  It never should have happened either.  But fate had different plans.  That’s the only way to explain it.”

“Shoulda invited Alex tonight then prolly since she’s the only reason we’re together.”

“We never should have ended up in Portland together,” Lindsey continues, and her voice almost sounds sad at how close they could have come to not being each other’s forever.

“But we did.”

“But we did.  And I just can’t help but think that yeah, maybe we would have met at National Team camps and stuff, but we wouldn’t have been friends like we were without Portland.  And without that kind of friendship, I don’t think we would have fallen in love.”

“I mean, I would have fallen in love, but you would have been engaged to a guy now, probably.”

“Hush,” Lindsey rolls her eyes and pushes her fingers into Sonnett’s thigh, a little roughly.  “Our love has been stretched across this country, across oceans, it’s been tangled up and knotted, but it’s never broken.”

“The red string of fate.”

“What?  Stop interrupting me.”

“Nothing, sorry.  Keep going.”

“Never once have I ever stopped loving you, even when you weren’t talking to me.  Never once have I ever even loved you less than the day before.  Not even that one time I thought you were breaking up with me through a stupid song and I just about hand a heart attack.”

“Of course you didn’t love me less after that, that was funny.”

“It was not funny!”

“It’s what you get for having absolutely 0.0 patience.  Couldn’t even listen to a whole song,” Emily shakes her head.

“I thought I was going to die on the spot.  Sonny, I wouldn’t be able to function without you.  Well, I’d be able to I guess, but I wouldn’t want to.  You have made my life better in ways I couldn’t even imagine.  So yes, I could do life without you, but I do want to.”

“I’ve already told you, if you’ll stop being so damn stubborn, I’ll teach you how to use the oven.  And the crock pot.  And the toaster.  Just in case anything ever happens to me.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you.  I’m going to have to die first.  It’s already been decided.”

“Um, I don’t think that’s how it works.  Maybe you should learn how to- ”

“It’s already decided.  Anyway, our love withstood separations and our fucking shitty circumstances, and all the times we got it wrong- ”

“You mean you.”

“Whatever.  Yes.  All the times I got it wrong,” Lindsey sighs.  “No!  You know what?  We.  You almost broke up with me.  It’s you, too!  All the times we got it wrong.  But we’re destined to be together, so none of it mattered.  We kept coming back to us.  It’s always been us.  It’s always been you, Son,” Lindsey leans forward and kisses her slowly, and then with a blush she adds, “So yeah, something like that, but like, without you interrupting, at least in my head you didn’t interrupt.  And then I would have asked if you would marry me.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.  Today and tomorrow and on our wedding day.  Yes when we decide to have kids and yes to growing old with you.  It’s a yes, forever, Linds.”

“Baby, you’re gonna make me cry all over again,” Lindsey grumbles, leaning forward and burying her face in Sonnett’s shoulder to wipe her tears on Sonnett’s shirt.

“What’s secondly?” Sonnett asks softly, rubbing Lindsey’s back.

“Hmmm,” Lindsey mumbles not picking her head up from Sonnett’s shirt.

“You said firstly.  You always do this.  What’s secondly?”

“Secondly.  Thank you.”

“For saying yes?”

“No.  Well yes, but no.  For never giving up on us.  For changing my life.  For letting me see the world through your eyes instead because it’s so much more colorful.  It’s more fun.  You always see the best in everything.  For helping me have faith in something bigger than myself.  I love you, Emily Sonnett.  I love you enough to hyphenate my name as long as you don’t think anyone will ever try to call me Sonny because there’s only one Sonny.”

 

“What would you have done if I said no?” Emily asks, still too excited to sleep.  

“Kicked you out,” Lindsey yawns.

“Of my own place?”

“Oh absolutely.  I wouldn’t have given a fuck.  I would have had the locks changed.”

“I don’t think you can do that.  Your name’s not on it.”

Lindsey gives her a look, the same look that she uses when she wants to say “I’m the best damn soccer play in the world, who’s going to tell me no?” with just her eyes.  “Well, when you marry me and it’s half mine, if you ever think about cheating on me, you’re gonna come home to new locks.”

“If I even think about it, huh?”

“Mmhmm.  I’ll know, Sonny.  If you even so much as look at another woman, I’ll know.”

“You know you’ve never had anything to worry about and you never will,” Emily says earnestly. 

“I know,” Lindsey pulls Sonnett in closer, until she’s against her chest, hoping she’ll fall asleep because Lindsey is exhausted, finally crashing from the high and all the nerves from today. 

“Linds?” Sonnett starts again, stirring her awake when she was almost asleep.  “Did you ever listen to our playlist today?”

“No, sweetie, I was too nervous about everything.  I’m sorry.”  Lindsey reaches and takes the phone off the charger.  She knows how much this means to Emily. 


Music has always tied them together, even before they were together.  Before they could find the words to communicate their feelings and their fears.  Before they knew how to verbalize their love, they each, separately, found a way to process those feelings through music.  Eventually their playlists became the one way they could say how they felt without saying how they felt.  Without being too vulnerable.   Both slowly became aware that the songs added late at night or in the long hours alone were a message to the other.  Neither was aware that sometimes down the street, and sometimes on the other side of the country, that in all the missing and hurting, they were both listening to music that reminded them of a certain blonde someone who had taken up residence inside an aching heart.

This back and forth dance without words that they did lasted far too long, but now, Lindsey sees it as a musical scrapbook of the early years of their love before it became official.  She can trace the way they tried to navigate their friendship and hide their feelings.  She can pinpoint the times they missed each other so bad it hurt, and the times they hurt each other.  She can go back and find the exact day she knew she was in love with Emily, or her subconscious did, at least.  She can trace their entire history through their music selection. 

And thanks to Sonnett, the present, too.  Their forever.  The morning after Emily finally – finally – kissed her for real, Lindsey opened her Spotify to a new playlist, just for them.  There was only one song on it then, added the night they finally figured things out.  It’s grown since.  Sonnett’s kept up with it, adding a song every month on the 16th, her small way of acknowledging their special day.  Today.  Well, yesterday, technically, because it’s late now.  She’s never missed one.  It’s now hours of love songs that Emily’s dedicated to her.  Sometimes, Lindsey adds a song when something really speaks to her, but mainly, she just lets Emily woo her through music.  Besides, Emily’s always had superior taste in music, though Lindsey will never say it aloud, and she’ll never stop complaining about the incessant country music.  Sometimes, Lindsey feels like adding songs to it will mess up their perfect playlist.  And really, there’s not a lot of need to in her mind anymore, not when she’s no longer afraid of speaking her feelings aloud, no longer afraid of rejection, no longer needing to use some coded language.  It’s so full of love songs now that Lindsey wonders how they’ll ever pick just one to dance to at their wedding.  Then again, Emily probably has something not even on the list already in mind. 


“Can I now?” Lindsey asks, and Emily nods in the dark against her.  “You added two songs,” Lindsey murmurs almost to herself.  Emily’s never added two songs at once; she’s too selective.

“Just in case,” Emily says back, without further explanation, as Lindsey presses play.

After a few minutes of listening to the songs in the dark, Lindsey sits back up.  “Em these are both about…” her voice trails off.

“Yeah,” Emily looks up at her as she reaches over to play with her fingers.

“Did you know?  How did you know?  Did Kelley tell you?  Did you find the ring?” Lindsey’s voice rises in panic.

“No baby.”

“Then why?”

“Because I love you?” Emily offers, but she knows that’s not really a good enough explanation.  “Because, um, I was kind of waiting all day for you to check our playlist like you always do so I could ask you a question.”

“Em…”

“But then you didn’t say anything and I didn’t know if you didn’t get the hint or if you got it and just were like yeah, no, or if you were just too distracted to listen.”

“You were going to…”

“Yeah,” Emily bites her lip and nods.  “Yeah.  Today.  Kelley knew.  Rose, too.  They’re good friends, huh?  Keeping this from us.  But um, turns out I didn’t have to ask.”

“You were going to propose to me!” Lindsey screeches. 

“Well, I mean, it wasn’t going to be all elaborate.  I didn’t have anything planned to say, but I’m pretty good off the cuff, I think.  I didn’t have a fancy dinner or a rooftop or a damn country singer or all our friends and family or any of that.  I was just gonna ask you.  And now that seems… totally lame.” Emily’s voice fades as the realization sinks in.  “So not good enough for you.”

“Baby, it would have been perfect just because it’s you and it’s what I wanted.  I wouldn’t have needed any of that.  Oh my God, Em did you get me a ring?”

“Well yeah, I’m not an idiot, I’m just not into planning.”

“Let me see it!”

“No.  I- it’s not- I need to- I need to do better.”

“Emily Sonnet!  I don’t care how small that diamond is.  Lemme see!”

Emily goes to her closet and returns with a small red box she had hidden in the toe of a shoe.  She stops at the edge of the bed, and beckons Lindsey to her before dropping down on one knee.  “You are exquisite and captivating and charming, and so far out of my league, and yet, you chose me.  I don’t know if every day I’ll be everything you want, but I can promise you security.  You’ll never have to worry about where my heart is, and you’ll never have to worry about yours because I’ll always keep it safe.  I promise I’ll keep you young.  On days you don’t even feel like smiling, I’ll find a way to make you laugh because your laughter is the best sound I’ve ever heard.  I promise I’ll always be your number one supporter in whatever it is you want out of life.  I’ll follow you anywhere you want to go.  And most of all, I can promise you boundless love.  So, not that you really have a choice anymore, but will you marry me, too, Linessi?” Emily asks, opening the box.  Inside is a ruby ring, surrounded by diamonds.  “I…um… red’s your favorite color,” Emily says hoarsely, “and you’re not exactly the most traditional person, so I thought maybe- ”

“It’s beautiful.”  Lindsey is breathless as Emily slides the ring on her finger.  “Baby, yes.  God, yes!  Forever,” Lindsey says through tears, pulling Emily against her chest.  “Em, I swear, I’m not going to have any tears left to cry, and it’s not even our wedding.  What am I going to do that day?  Just cry all day?  Cry through the ceremony?”

“Probably.”  Emily grins, that perfect closed lip Sonny grin complete with crinkled eyes, as she places a kiss on Lindsey’s nose.  “Cause you love me that much.”

Notes:

If you want a Spotify playlist, I'll make a Spotify playlist. And if I make a Spotify playlist, I'll probably be tempted to write one-shots based on whatever was going on in their lives when the song was added to their playlist.

Also, sorry again that this ended not as a 5 1, but I really should have known because everything is longer than I intend for it to be, always.