Work Text:
“ Dear journal. This is THOR ODINSON mightyet wizard and warrior in the hole wizarding world. From today I will be making entries in you of my innermost and utmost thoughts or some such thing. Okay.”
THOR ODINSON AGE-5 June 10 3091.
August 7 3091
“TodAY Odin took me to the Jotun manor to see Aunt Laufey and her new husband Howard and her son Tony who was mean kid who called me names. I hate him Journal. Aunt Laufey was huge like a walrus and she got mad when i called her that. Also she was mad at Odin just like mother.”
August 8 3091
“ Aunt laufey was not fat but she has a baby in her stomach, mama said. How weird is that. When I asked mama if Aunt Laufey ate babies mom said to go and play and stop bothering her.”
“ Dear journal I think I better stay away from aunt Laufey for people say I am quite the cute baby myself.”
“ BY the way I am calling you Thunderer from now on.”
NOVEMBER 15 3091
“ Dear thunderer Today I was dragged to Jotun manor again in spite of my protests of baby eating aunts and something wonderful happened. I saw a teeny tiny beautiful baby with perfect round cheeks and big green eyes and tufts of back hair. His smiles were so perfect and his voice was like an angle. So i did what I should and bit the baby on his cheek. I tell you Thunderer his cries are so perfect and I have decided the baby is mine.”
“ also I am grounded for biting the baby. And for trying to steal the baby.”
April 28 3092
“ Thunderer the worst thing in life happened; the beautiful baby is that poopy head Tony's baby brother and he won't let me have the baby. I hate that poopy head tony and he is my enemy from on.”
“ I cried my eyes out and asked for my own brother when mama declared she and odin are getting divorced.”
NOVember 12 3092
“ Today I went to the palace to see the dull queen only to my surprise aunt laufey was there and said it was her beautiful baby's first birthday. I also learnt that aunt laufey is the queen and the beautiful baby is called Loki.”
“ Oh the baby was so pretty and he can finaly walk. I made him follow me all day long and when other kids came I threw a fit for taking my Loki away from me and then Loki flew right into my arms. I think Loki also wants to be with me. So i have decided I will marry loki,”
December 29 3092
“ odin left asgard manor and I have a new mama Freya. So now i have 2 mamas.”
March 3 3093
“ Today I threw paint balls on Poopy head and he pushed me into a fountain. We are both grounded.”
june 16 3093
baby loki called my name for first time but mama and aunt Laufey burst out laughing when he called me," horr" and made loki to call me brother which he did.
July 2 3095
i am sorry not sorry for trying to smuggle loki to asgard. I will never do it again i will. Also i hate carrots and fish.
march 9 3097
i got letter from hogwarts and i dont want to go. I want to be a travelling clown and pirate.
June 2 3097
i went to hogwarts, the hat made me join hufflepuff. Odin called me lame and I cried . Mama freya set odin on fire, it was funny.
June 18 3098
poopy head followed me to hogwarts. Thank god he is ravenclaw. ME and sif threw stinking potion at him and he sicked a giant sparrow at me during quidditch game. We are grounded. I hate him.”
“ Fury is super scary.”
June 2 4000
“ i will not run away from hogwarts x10000. Fury haunts me in my dreams. I may need memory erasing spell.”
december 21 4000
thunderer gods heard my prayers and little loki joined Hogwarts. I will now try kidnapping Loki.
January 1 4001
i will never try kidnapping loki. And dragons are scary.
By the way how long will it take to grow hair. I am super shiny down there.
August 18 4002
i hate red heads. I wish all the red heads will be thrown into a well.
August 20 4002
correction i hae only sigyn not all red heads and i respect natasha.
September 28 4002
i kissed a girl and it was awful but girls flocked to me and i kept doing it anyway. Sif punched me in the balls.
October 5 4002
dear thunderer i don't want to live anymore. I am going to drown myself in the bath. Loki my angel my beautiful loki kissed sigyn and i feel like my heart is going to burst out of my skin, my back aches my eyes hurt and i think this feeling will kill me before i drown myself. Is this the anguish of loving someone.
November 7 4002
thunderer good to see you. I am alive. All those things i said about lovers anguish it turns out I had mono. Silly me. Kissing all those harpies gave me mono. Loki came to visit me and i am all better . I have decided that only loki is my true love if he will have me or else back to plan one you know k napping. Hah ha haha joking no seriously.
November 12 4002
i have decided to learn baking and making chocolates. Loki loves them,
December 15 4002
loki liked my chocolate.
On side note if i ever go missing the suspect is Aunt Laufey. I had to hide for few days at bruce's house.
December 16 4002
loki kidnapped me from bruce's house. I feel that i am luckiest man in the world.
Febraury 15 4003
loki gave me a peck on my cheek. I am so in love and high on morphine. I love every body. I love you tony, aunt laufey.
March 6 4003
i am discharged from hospital. I take it back ihate tony and Aunt laufey.
June 23 4004
i asked loki out as promised for passing my wizard exam. They are cleaning up the collapsed ministry. On side note i may need new body.
July 28 4004
loki and i went on our first date. I saw no less than loki's entire family, natasha, darcy no more than 300 times. Loki lokks so cute eating cotton candy.
November 5 4015
loki kissed me, ON THE LIPS. It was so good i thought i was in heaven, on second thought i may be in heaven, help dying of loss of blood. Dragon let go let go.
December 17 4019
thunderer today something wonderful happened. I lost my virginity. I am tearing up. Loki is a fantastic lover. Oh i am getting emotional.
December 21 4019
Aunt Laufey found out. I jumped from a cliff.
January 2 4020
poopy head had a baby. She was beautiful and loki wants a baby. Going to natasha hoping she can turn me into a woman. Hopefully i will be pretty.
January 5 4020
couldn't turn into a woman. Loki found out he is crying.
January 6 4020
loki asked me to marry him. We are getting married.
March 15 4020
we got married. Going on honeymoon. Today is my last entry. Good bye old friend. May you also find a lovely journal like me.
March 16 4020
thor you moron you bit me when i was a baby.