Chapter Text
As inevitable as the rainfall in that November, Astoria Greengrass began to fall for Draco Malfoy. The more time she spent with him the more she knew he was no longer that sullen boy from Hogwarts, always sneering at Harry Potter. The same Harry Potter that he was apparently in love with. Or something approximating love. She wasn’t really sure.
With Abigail gone, Astoria spent a lot more time daydreaming about the life she wanted. Herself, a child, and someone she loved. Oh, she was only twenty and it was too early to worry about that. There was time.
Is there? A tiny voice in the back of her mind echoed out reminding her of how many times she’d been sick this year. Not bad sick. Any sick is bad if you’re a witch. She sighed, trying to push the blood curse out of her mind. That was ridiculous. She only feared it because it was the worst possible thing that could happen. That was all.
She got out of bed. Draco was coming over later. That was exciting. She had those same fluttery feelings that she first had with Abigail when they started dating. She had never entirely had them with Romilda. Romilda had just sort of happened. Falling in and out of love so easily was starting to get exhausting. Neither of her breakups had been devastating. Abigail had been harder if only because there seemed to be so little reason for it. Astoria was no longer convenient so she had been discarded.
She leaned over onto the kitchen bar, annoyed that she was feeling sorry for herself again. She stood up and focused on making tea. Two hours later, Draco knocked on the door. Astoria smiled and opened it for him.
“You know you can just come in,” Astoria said.
“It doesn’t seem appropriate,” Draco said, a touch of a smile on his lips.
Like most people, Draco was more attractive when he smiled but Astoria took note of the fact that it applied doubly so for him. Perhaps because it was the inverse of what she associated with him. And perhaps because she found him so terribly attractive in general.
As of yet, Draco had shown her little interest. Not that she had much experience in drawing attention to herself. On the contrary, she had always avoided it. Still, she made small efforts. Different things with her hair. A little more makeup. Clothes that fit in appealing ways. She wasn’t falling over herself but if nothing else, if there was the slightest chance he was interested she wanted to be ever so subtly clear that she was also interested.
“I mean it’s not like you’ll find me naked or anything,” Astoria said, plopping down on her sofa.
“Is that a dig at what happened earlier this month? I promise that won’t happen again. I had a lapse of reason,” Draco said, sitting down next to her, not as close as she’d like.
Astoria turned a little, using it as an excuse to scoot a little closer.
“Actually it wasn’t. I had forgotten about that,” she lied, having, in fact, found it difficult to get out of her head at all.
“Oh. Well, never mind then,” Draco said shyly.
“So, what’s up?” Astoria said, finding herself watching his lips.
“I got an owl. From Harry,” Draco said and exhaled.
Astoria stared blankly for a moment then said, “Harry Potter?”
“That would be the one,” Draco said.
“Oh. Oh. Well, what did he want?” Astoria asked, backing up a little, suddenly self-conscious about their proximity.
“I don’t know. He says he wants to meet up. I’m seeing him at the Leaky Cauldron in a few days,” Draco replied.
“Wow. Are you nervous?” Astoria asked, putting herself purely in good friend mode.
“No. Yes. A little,” Draco said.
Astoria as on instinct placed a hand on top of one of Draco’s. He smiled and she pulled away before it got weird. He gave her a perplexed look and she felt her cheeks flush. She swallowed and said, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Yeah. I just wish I knew what he wanted. I hope Ginny didn’t tell him what she heard. I don’t know if I can bear that. Especially now as things are starting to get better for me.”
“Things are getting better?” Astoria asked, unsure what compelled her to ask such a stupid question.
“Yeah. My life is simple for the first since… ever,” Draco said, a pleased smile on his face.
Astoria also smiled. Draco’s eyes looked into hers then looked away.
“I’m sure it will go fine,” Astoria said.
“I hope it does,” Draco said then repeated, “I hope it does.”
“Pansy, what is this?” Blaise said, slapping a copy of the Daily Prophet on the table in front of her.
Pansy picked it up with disinterest. She was already aware of the contents he was referring to. She pretended to read it then set it down with a shrug.
“Gossip,” Pansy said dismissively.
Blaise sat down across from her. She’d just finished breakfast when he came in and had plans with Romilda she needed to get to. Blaise lifted the paper up and began to read, “Blaise Zabini’s wife having an open lesbian affair. Pansy, I thought we agreed we were keeping our lifestyle private.”
“Things have changed. I have a girlfriend now. She’s more than just a fuck to me,” Pansy said.
“And I haven’t stood in the way of that. But we have our reputations to think about. We are purebloods. These things matter,” he said, tossing the paper down, seeming more irritated than angry.
“Fuck my reputation. They don’t even mention me by name,” Pansy said as she filed her nails, making sure Blaise saw how little she cared.
“My mother will be furious. You know how much she does for us,” Blaise said.
“Of course,” Pansy said.
He loudly sighed.
“You are stressing me out, Pansy,” Blaise said grumpily.
“I would just try to put it out of your mind,” Pansy suggested.
“Put it out of my mind? No, I need you to stop this,” Blaise said, jabbing his finger at the paper.
“That’s unfortunate. This is just how it’s going to be now,” Pansy said, smiling at her nails.
Blaise huffed and stood up.
“Why are you doing this? After everything I’ve given you?” Blaise said, pacing around.
“Because you fucked my ex-boyfriend’s mum then gloated to him about it after fucking him. There’s nothing he can do to you so I’m doing it for him,” Pansy said, finally looking straight at him with a stone-cold glare she knew would unsettle him.
“It’s about that?” Blaise said and laughed.
“Yes,” Pansy replied and stood up, approaching him.
Blaise stood his ground, letting Pansy come right up to him.
“It’s disgusting and cruel. I’m a Slytherin, I believe in being ruthless but fucking someone’s mother just to stroke your own ego? It’s pathetic. You aren’t the man I thought you were,” Pansy said.
Blaise shook his head and sighed again.
“I didn’t do it for my ego. I did it… because I could. Because I wanted to. I did it because Draco’s father is a wanker. That’s why I let him walk in on me and Draco too. As to why I told Draco…”
Blaise looked momentarily regretful and said, “I admit I was jealous of him. I know you’ll never love me like you loved him. I don’t know why that matters given this marriage has never been about love. Yes, that one was for my ego.”
Pansy exhaled and looked away.
“I appreciate your honesty,” Pansy said.
“I have always tried to be honest, even if I am not always forthcoming,” Blaise said.
“All the same you did it and this is the price. I’m done caring what anyone thinks about me. I’m going to be who am I when and where I want to. Rita Skeeter can say whatever the fuck she likes,” Pansy said.
Blaise nodded and said, “All right. You win. I will deal with my mother.”
“Hmm. Maybe there’s hope for you after all,” Pansy said.
“I’m a Slytherin too. Survival means learning to adapt. If I’m being honest… I find this new you very sexy,” Blaise said, looking her over and grinning.
Pansy giggled and said, “Well, there’s going to be a lot more changes to come. You might change your mind.”
“Maybe. For now, I’m thinking about fucking you against this counter,” Blaise said and she smiled, pushing her body against it, legs slightly spread.
Blaise lifted her chin to his mouth, giving her a slow, sensual kiss as he reached between her thighs, rubbing her clit with his thumb through her knickers. She moaned and he pulled her knickers down, lifting her onto the counter, her bare arse surprised by the coldness of the countertop. He crouched, sticking his head inside her skirt. Hands clutching her thighs, his lips and tongue brought her to a climax before he undid his trousers.
Pansy slid off the counter and turned around. Blaise smacked her arse several times then bent her over, putting himself inside her. He was as rough and hard as she wanted and needed right now.
“Argh. Pansy! You still feel so sweet,” Blaise growled as he slammed into her.
“Just shut up and fuck me,” she snapped and he did both excellently.
When he was about to come he pulled out and Pansy fell to her knees, taking the head of his cock right into her mouth in time for his thick, salty spurts to stream down her throat and across her tongue. She sucked until there was nothing left then wiped her mouth as she stood up. She smirked and winked at him, leaving the room in silence. He said nothing. She had won.
Pansy entered Romilda’s room with an excited grin and started to tear off her clothes.
“Pansy?” Romilda said.
“Get naked. I just fucked Blaise and I’m still turned on,” Pansy said.
Romilda didn’t argue, wrestling with her bra by the time Pansy hopped in the bed.
“He saw the Prophet?” Romilda asked.
“Oh, yes. You wouldn’t believe how easy it was to convince him to let me have what I want,” Pansy said and kissed Romilda who had just tossed aside her bra.
Pansy’s fingers were instantly between Romilda’s thighs, gently stroking her clit.
“I want you so bad right,” Pansy said, breathy in Romilda’s ear.
“Then take me,” Romilda said and Pansy did, basking in the erotic glow of their triumph.
Harry always seemed to look more handsome than the last time Draco saw him. The day he met with him at the Leaky Cauldron was no exception. He wasn’t in his Ministry robes, something Draco had feared. He looked casual and it almost looked like he was smiling when Draco approached, though he thought it might be a trick of the light.
“How are you?” Draco asked as he sat down.
“Fine. Overworked,” Harry said and then asked, “Yourself?”
“I’m fine. Good actually.”
“That’s good. Well, listen. I just wanted to talk about what happened last year. I haven’t felt good about it,” Harry said.
Draco sighed and said, “Me either.”
“So, we’re on the same page. That’s helpful. I understand you have some feelings and I just wanted you to know-“ Harry started but Draco lifted a hand.
“I don’t know what you heard but-but uh, I, umm. It’s not really… whatever you might think,” Draco stammered, his fears becoming manifest in front of his eyes.
Harry gave him a curious look and laughed.
“Relax, mate. I just wanted to say it’s not a big deal. I thought it was understood, actually,” Harry said.
Draco blinked and said, “You did?”
“Of course. Loads of people fancy Ginny,” Harry said and several things suddenly occurred to Draco.
First off, Ginny hadn’t spilled the beans about what she had overheard at his party, something he would be eternally indebted to her for. Second off he now had a problem.
“Oh. I don’t fancy Ginny,” Draco said firmly.
Harry furrowed his brow and said, “Then… what did you think I meant?”
Draco’s mouth hung open, realising he hadn’t thought that through.
“Oh, when you said feelings I thought you meant… like you know. Sexual feelings,” Draco said.
Harry stared in silence then said, “Draco, I feel like that was well established by the time you gave me one good up the bum.”
Draco was mortified and looked around to see who might be listening. Just yesterday the Daily Prophet had run an article about Pansy having some sort of lesbian affair.
“I um…” Draco said, trying to think fast.
It was only a matter of time until Harry pieced it together.
“I’m feeling lost right now. Why are you being so strange?” Harry said.
“I’m not!” Draco insisted.
“You are. What am I missing?” Harry asked.
Draco inhaled and said, “I’ll admit… I loved being there. With you and Ginny. Maybe too much. That’s why I had to go. I didn’t belong there. Not after everything we’ve been through.”
It wasn’t a lie even if it wasn’t the full truth either. Harry nodded.
“That’s a lot of what I suspected,” Harry said, seeming to relax again.
“We can’t be friends. It’s too strange,” Draco said, trying to put back on his normal, icy demeanour.
“Maybe not. Or maybe someday. When the wounds have healed more,” Harry added.
Draco cleared his throat and said, “But still… I wanted to know that I’m grateful for your kindness. And that I loved being with you, umm, you both.”
Harry smirked and nodded.
“It wasn’t bad. Not bad at all,” Harry said.
It was difficult for Draco to walk away from that conversation. He knew once he did it would likely be a long time before he ever saw Harry again, more than in passing. If he were a Gryffindor maybe he would have the courage to speak his feelings but he was a Slytherin and the only path he saw was the one that didn’t end badly for himself. Risks must be calculated and the numbers didn’t add up for this one.
Small talk finished and Draco shook his hand and left. Yes, it was difficult. Very difficult.
“Well?” Astoria asked after she had let Draco into her flat.
He had entered silent and expressionless, must unhelpful as far as she was concerned. That was the thing about a crush. You were always eager to help them even when they hadn’t asked for any help. Draco sat on the sofa and she casually sat down at the other end, giving him space.
“It went fine. Could’ve been worse,” Draco said.
“Could’ve been worse? That doesn’t sound fine,” Astoria said.
Draco smiled and replied, “Under the circumstances could’ve been worse feels pretty good. Ginny didn’t tell him… what she heard. I nearly spilled it myself on accident but somehow managed to not completely muck it up.”
“So, you’re going to be friends?” Astoria asked.
“No. That’s done. I think I need it to be. It’s not good for me to pine after a man who will never love me,” Draco said.
“You should find someone to pine after who will love you,” Astoria said, mentally trying to project her own name into his mind, though he was not a Legilimens.
Draco scoffed and said, “What kind of degenerate would pine after me? Can you imagine? They’d have to be sick.”
Astoria frowned, wounded.
“That’s not true. Don’t say things like that,” Astoria said, trying to push the hurt down, knowing Draco was only being self-deprecating.
“You know I’m not wrong. What sort of people would still find me attractive now? Everyone thinks I’m still evil or that I’m a disgrace,” Draco said, not sounding as defeated as his words indicated.
“The sort of people who know you. The sort of people who know the man you are now,” Astoria said.
“No one knows me now. Except for you,” Draco said.
Astoria watched him for a moment and thought. She could just do it. She could just tell him how she felt. She bet that would shock him right out of his self-pity.
“Well. I mean…” Astoria started trying to find the words.
“Wait… Are you trying to say-“
“No, no, no,” Astoria laughed waving her hands in front of her.
Draco turned and tilted his head.
“No, you were about to say something.”
“I was about to say… Uh…”
Astoria tried to think of what to say. When she couldn’t find the right words she just leaned over and kissed him. She wasn’t sure what would happen when her lips pressed into his. It happened quickly but felt like reality had slowed down. Her lips touched his right as her eyes closed. She felt him gasp and the tips of the fingers on his right hand brushed her cheek. His lips moved against hers and she pulled away, eyes wide with shock and the back of her hand now covering her mouth.
“Shit,” she said.
Draco looked like someone had slapped him.
“Sorry. I got nervous and panicked,” Astoria said.
Draco laughed.
“Do you always kiss someone when you’re nervous?” Draco said.
She shook her head, feeling certain she was turning red.
“Oh, Merlin. I really just fucked up,” she said, muffled thanks to the hand against her mouth.
“It’s fine. I just didn’t expect it,” Draco said, no indication as to whether he had liked it or not.
She suddenly thought about kissing him again but thought better of it.
“No, I shouldn’t have. I should’ve made sure you wanted to first,” Astoria said, standing up from the sofa.
“First time I’ve ever been kissed by someone with purple lips,” Draco said and stood up with her.
“Sorry, I’m looking for somewhere to crawl off and die to,” Astoria said, looking around as if that were literally true.
“Astoria, I don’t understand.”
Astoria frowned but didn’t look at him.
“Can’t we just go back to when it hadn’t happened yet?” she pleaded.
“No! I still don’t know why it happened and why you’re upset about it now.”
“I’m not upset. I’m embarrassed, there’s a difference,” Astoria said, raising a finger but still avoiding his eyes.
“Well, I’m here to say it’s fine. You’re fine. I give you permission not to be embarrassed. Merlin, Astoria, I nearly told Harry how I felt about him earlier, I understand.”
Astoria’s heart sunk. He was comparing the two of them. Both having almost revealed their feelings to someone who didn’t return them. She finally looked at him. She sighed.
“You know what? Fine. I like you. I like you a lot. I kissed you because I have feelings for you and you were so cute that it was like I wasn’t in control of my body? And you leaned my way and it was like a trick of the light or something and there was an involuntary reflex and my lips just went right where they wanted to be, like some stupid bloody arsehole,” Astoria said and inhaled, having used all of her breath on that.
She imagined that now Draco would take her, pull her up into his arms and kiss her passionately before whispering in her ear how much he had been waiting for her to tell him that. Instead, he just stood there in silence, as if deep in thought.
“I had no idea,” Draco said, seeming now uncomfortable.
“Good job, me, I suppose. I’m glad I wasn’t obvious,” Astoria said.
“When did this start?” Draco asked.
Astoria shook her head.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s late. I think I’m going to bed, Draco. Goodnight,” she said and headed to the bedroom.
Draco didn’t protest. He just left. Astoria fell back onto the bed, crying and wondering how she had ruined everything so quickly.
Draco had been sitting at the end of his bed for at least ten minutes, still trying to piece together what had happened with Astoria. Had he done something wrong?
All he knew was that she had kissed him and it had been nice. He kept picturing it again and again. Her soft purple lips brushing against his, pulling away much too fast. It was something he hadn’t known he had wanted. He’d always taken it for granted that Astoria would never be interested in him. Certainly, he found her physically attractive. It would be a lie to say he had never thought about her in that way. But romance? It had never occurred to him.
But they were friends. In some ways, Astoria was the first real friend he had ever had. Could he throw that away? He wasn’t sure. He just knew he wanted to kiss her again. And again. And over again and again. He wanted to kiss her until neither of them could stand it anymore.
Draco groaned. He didn’t want this right now. If romance came it would come. The thought of losing her friendship petrified him. He would only mess it up. Or eventually, she would see that deep down he wasn’t good inside. She would dig in and find his rotten core.
There was a knock at the door. Draco got up and answered, finding Astoria standing there, her eyes puffy from crying.
“Can I come in?”
Draco nodded and stepped aside.
Astoria exhaled and said, “I’m sorry about all that. All of it.”
“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Astoria smiled and said, “I know. But all the same.”
“So, where does this leave us?” Draco asked.
“I don’t know.”
Draco looked down at her and grinned.
“Let’s back up. We won’t pretend all that happened but maybe let’s… set it aside,” Draco said.
“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who made an arse of yourself,” Astoria said.
Draco thought about telling her that he thought she was really pretty but it didn’t seem appropriate. And it wasn’t like he could say Well, I think you are pretty and I think I might like you but I’m not sure if I do so I don’t want to commit to anything. But a part of him looked at her and knew. He looked into her brown eyes and knew like it was destiny standing before him.
He wasn’t in love but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he could fall in love with her. He absolutely could. One more kiss and he would worship her at her feet. He would declare the ground she walked upon sacred and issue a protest with the Ministry if they failed to put it into law.
Never had a single notion held so much appeal and so much dread. He hadn’t felt so scared since that night on the Astronomy Tower when he had failed to kill Dumbledore.
Ask if you can kiss her, you coward. Give in. Open your heart, leaving it vulnerable to hurt.
“Astoria… I… I don’t know what I feel for you,” Draco said.
“Oh?”
Draco gulped and continued, “But I do know I liked it when you kissed me. And I want to kiss you again. But I also don’t want to hurt our friendship.”
“Same. To all of that,” she said.
Draco almost unconsciously stepped towards her. He thought of what she had said, how it was a reflex, her lips moving where they wanted to be. It was like his lips were pulling him forward. Every part of him was screaming not to do this but he wanted to so badly.
Astoria had moved closer as well. Fuck, this was really happening. Her posture was changing. Her head tilting slightly up. She wet her lips.
“So, I guess… what I wanted to say was-“
He didn’t get to finish the sentence. The universe won out, their lips meeting again. Draco savoured it this time, a hand curving around Astoria’s back and pulling her towards him as their lips slowly slid against each other. Her arms reached around his neck. She felt so small.
Every time he feared she might pull away she didn’t. They just held tight, destiny having its way with them. Draco finally released her and he had to catch his breath. She was grinning like it was Christmas morning.
“You were saying?” she laughed.
“I was saying… I was going to say that we should start over and just see where things are going,” Draco said, already wishing he was kissing her again.
“Sure. I can live with that,” she said, winking and leaving his flat.
Well, he was really in it now. He thought of rushing over to her flat and kissing her again. But he knew that would probably lead to other things that he wasn’t prepared for. But that was OK. He could lay in bed and think about those things. Think about her.
Was this what being in love really felt like? Not an infatuation. Something real. Something that was building. Maybe. Or maybe this was only the beginning. If he could stop this he would. He could still feel the terror, a dread hanging over him. But he knew. He knew now that he would be hers until the day she died for better or for worse.