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Published:
2020-01-10
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Extinguish/Regret

Summary:

There are ashes on the ground; they never got a chance to say goodbye.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It"s the announcement that they"ve got the truck that spurs everyone into motion. Gueira makes fast work on his end, shepherding out the burnish in a somewhat orderly fashion. He"s got the voice for it - loud, when he wants to be, in a way that draws attention.

Meis is quieter as they get them all out of the cave, counting in his head, keeping track. There"s two kids who hang back, just a little, seeming dazed and afraid, and Meis guesses it"s got something to with whatever mess went down with the blue haired idiot they keep running into.

"Hey," he says, dropping down so he"s on their level. Trying to be as far removed from intimidating as he can get. "We got a truck out there, we"re gonna get you all some place safe okay?"

One of the kids, a small wide-eyed boy, shoots a look over Meis"s shoulder. Towards the firefighter, he assumes. The kid"s lip trembles.

"Don"t worry about him," he says, and he gives them each a gentle push. They finally move, scampering around him, heading out of the cave.

Meis takes a moment to rest there, rocking back onto his heels. Counting, making sure they"ve got everyone. Those two - there should be one more.

There should be -

There -

A cold chill spreads over him, a sudden, sickly anxiety that drops into his stomach. Something half understood, yet perfectly clear.

There should be one more.

He rises, not yet daring to turn around, and then he does. Looks towards where the kids had been staring - not the fire fighter, not the blue haired idiot who"s face is suddenly all too familiar.

There"s ashes on the ground.

"Boss," he says, and it"s a near thing how steady he keeps his voice. His fingers feel numb. "Where"s Thyma?"

Lio looks at him, and there"s something fragile, something just a breath away from breaking in how he looks at him. It"s not what he expects, not from their boss, not from Lio, who"s so sure, always. His lips part for a moment, and he shakes his head. His eyes slide to the ground - to ashes - and then away.

"I’m sorry," he says, and it"s so final. Meis stares at him, and for a moment he can"t - won"t - let understanding settle. He feels - a great cold, like a lump of ice suddenly formed in his chest, radiating out until he feels -

Frozen.

And there are ashes on the ground, and he thinks we were supposed to get her out, and he thinks she was just here, she was safe, she was going to be okay, and he thinks we just wanted her to burn, to keep burning, with us.

There"s heavy footsteps from the cave entrance, the bright sound of Gueira. "Meis! Grab Thyma and let"s go, we gotta get out of here. Boss, everyone"s in, we"re just waiting on -"

He stops, because he knows Meis too well, has known him for too long. Can see it in the line of his shoulders, the bow of his neck, the way his hands are limp at his sides.

"What"s going on," he says, a bluster of force and energy. His eyes go to the fire fighter - tied up, harmless. "What did he -"

"Gueira, let"s go," Meis says. Steady, the steady half of the two. Cold, but steady. He can be that, even if he feels like he can barely breathe.

"No, I wanna know what"s going on, why this guy is -" He takes too many steps forward, until one more and his boots will throw up dust into the air.

Meis catches him, one hand splayed out over his chest. "Stop," he says, and that"s it, the break he was trying to hide. The word barely makes it out in one piece. "Gueira."

His eyes flicker down, and Gueira"s follow. He can see it, the realization set in too fast, too strong. He reels back, and Meis can feel it, a strange drop in pressure, all the air suddenly still, a calm before a storm.

"No," he says. "No. Fuck. No. She was just here, she was gonna be all right. What the fuck happened -"

Meis looks back to Lio; he can see the tension in him, the contained grief. His fingers flex, he pushes back on Gueira"s chest. "We have to go," he says, and that"s it, really. They have to keep going, there"s a truck full of people to get to safety and a member of Burning Rescue right there who may have already alerted someone to where they are. Every second they delay is a risk.

Gueira shakes off Meis, runs a hand over his mouth, and exhales in a way that is just a breath away from igniting the whole area. He drops down and covers his face and says "fuck," and really, they"d all thought - hoped - that when they"d found her it would be -

That it would be okay.

Gueira reaches out and Meis startles.

"What the hell, Gueira -"

Because he"s reaching for the ashes, sifting through them before Meis can stop him. He grabs him by the shoulder to pull him back, but Gueira holds up something, shining and gold.

"Guess we won"t be giving her back the other one," he says, softly. He stands, unsteady on his feet, and presses the gold hoop earring into Meis"s hand. Lets his hand fall away, limp at his side, and casts one last look at the ashes. Then turns, like he can’t look any more, and head’s for the truck.

And Meis is frozen, unable to move for a moment, looking down at the gold hoop, the twin of which he knows has been in Gueira"s pocket for weeks, since they lost her the first time.

Every second is more dangerous, and there"s no words to say to the ashes left behind that will fix this.

He slips the earring into his pocket, and imagines that he can feel the metal burning there. And then - with no sufficient way to make this right, because how could he - he takes his jacket and lays it over her ashes.

"Sorry we were too late," he says, and "rest," and "goodbye."



***

 

They drive, long into the night, mindful that they might be followed. They switch off who drives, giving each other time to rest.

They don"t let Lio touch the wheel; they both know how much he needs to rest, how little he allows himself.

It"s late, past midnight, and Meis is half asleep in the back seat, when Lio draws in an unsteady breath and says, so quiet it might be just to himself - "I tried."

There"s a long silence, only the sound of the road. Meis doesn"t move, but he"s pulled out of his thoughts, suddenly wide awake.

"I know, boss." Gueira"s voice is calmer than Meis expected. Soft even, just loud enough to be heard. "Wasn"t your fault."

"Wasn"t it?" The sound of leather, someone shifting. Meis can see Lio turn away, look out into the dark. "I thought it would work, this time, but -"

"You don"t have to, boss. We"re good." Gueira, and Meis knows him well enough - the words are soft, quiet, but there"s an underlying insistence. Don"t, but Lio hasn"t known him as long, or maybe he just needs to talk.

"There wasn"t anything there, to reignite," he says. "Just embers. I don"t - I don"t know what they did to her. Are doing. To us."

Again, silence, save for the engine and the sound of tires on the old highway. Meis stares at the ceiling and tries to calm - his breath, his mind, his heart. He"d made his peace with this, when they lost her - when Freeze Force caught up and she"d been left behind. Just an earring, that"s all they"d recovered, and Meis had told himself that even if there was a chance, she was, most likely, lost forever.

There"s a harsh breath from the front seat, just an edge too ragged, and Meis knows this - Gueira hadn"t made peace with this, hasn"t yet. Won"t, maybe. He"d been the one holding some amount of hope - that they"d find her, that she"d be all right, that with Lio with them they couldn"t fail.

He"d been right, really. Right, up until the point that he wasn"t anymore.

"You know, she set us on fire, first time we met," Gueira says. There"s a rawness to his voice, even if he"s trying to hide it. "Same day we met you. Hit us both at the same time, huge thing of fire. She was so worried she"d hurt us." And he laughs, no humor, just a dry, bitter thing. "She always worried she was out of control, gonna burn something she didn"t mean to, but you know? She only hit us. Could have lit the whole place on fire, but she only hit us, the two things there that wouldn"t burn."

"Did you ever tell her that?"

Another bitter, short laugh. "Never got around to it. Always thought there"d be more...time." And then, too softly, he says "I thought she"d still be there, when we got back. Thought I"d at least get to say goodbye."

There"s nothing to say to that, and silence rolls in again. Meis, still sprawled over the back seat, slips a hand into his pocket, curls his fingers around the earring.

He lies there too long, until the quiet grows too much, and he sits up. Lio is slumped against the window - asleep, Meis realizes, and that"s good. He needs it.

But Gueira is still driving, and Meis looks over to see the rigid line of his shoulders, the desperate grasp of long fingers around the steering wheel.

"Hey, pull over," Meis says, just to Gueira, not wanting to wake Lio. "I"m taking over."

"Nah, I"ve got it."

"Pull over," and there"s no real argument, just a slight push. Gueira doesn"t bother to pull over, just stops the truck in the middle of the empty road and throws it into park. He shifts over to the middle of the front seat, careful not to jostle Lio. Meis crawls over the back of the driver"s seat, as graceful as he can. Puts them back into drive - they still have a ways to go.

He can"t see Gueira all that well in the darkness that"s cut only by the headlights, but he can feel all the tension in him, even from inches away. He"s a fuse burned down too short, and he"s holding it together, but barely. He"ll burn later, Meis knows, when they"re at their destination and everyone is safe. Ride out into the desert and set something on fire and burn himself out until all that grief is smothered.

"Get some sleep," he tells him, instead of anything else he could say. "We should be there by dawn."

"Yeah, sure." But he doesn"t move, doesn"t pull himself over into the back seat and take Meis"s place. He slumps a little, but onto Meis"s shoulder, the mess of his hair against bare skin. "You wake me up, if you need me."

"Always," he says, and feels the way Gueira smiles, just a little. Feels him relax, and that"s good. He needs to rest - they all need to rest.

And he thinks maybe he"s fallen asleep, but in those quiet, early hours of the morning, Gueira says "Hey, Meis. We"re not leaving anyone else behind. Not even if they ask us to."

There"s a lump in his throat, and it"s too dark to see, but Meis nods. Just once. Looks over, for just a moment, towards the still form of Lio, still asleep against the window.

"Yeah. No one else."



Notes:

My third viewing of Promare was Redux and you should have heard the noise I made in the theater during Side: Galo and then later when they find Thyma, because the little bit of added context just killed me.