Archive of Our Own ^beta

“He’s a fucking former Knight of Ren,” Mindy moaned.

“I don’t care if he’s God Almighty,” I said.  “He’s just a random dude from ACTORspace.”  Well, he really wasn’t but if saying it that way helped, I would do it..

Mindy was wound into a knot due to her impending scene.  Our director, Jasper, used senior or recently graduated actors to shock us first year students in his acting class.  He was notorious at ACTORspace for this pedagogical technique.  We hated him for it.  At least one person broke down and cried during their scene.  I was betting on Mindy.  Last year, a guy had packed his shit and left school—or so we heard.  Mindy, Chloe, and I thought that was a fucked-up system. 

Our turn was coming up, and we were totally in for it this year.  There was this guy, kind of a legend at school, who graduated recently.  He was a latecomer, older than most acting students.  He had been in the Knights of Ren, a para-military police detail, for a while before he auditioned.  No one really knew too much about him, except that he did 1000 push-ups a day and supposedly ate entire roast chickens for lunch.  I guess he ate other students, too.  People in his class hated him because of his blunt comments about their acting skills.  He had made few friends and apparently did not care.

His name was Kylo Ren—all Knights, former and current, used the honorary last name.  No one knew his other name from before he joined.  The story had it that he had been injured in training, withdrew from the Knights, and came to ACTORspace as a wild, brooding beast of a man looking for a new path to follow.  And, as far as I was concerned, he could fuck off.  I wasn’t here for therapy.  I was here to … well, I wasn’t entirely sure yet.

Mindy moaned again and banged her own forehead with a closed fist.  She was trying to figure out what her scene with Kylo Ren would be and how she would handle herself.  Jasper handed out a slip of paper with the main emotions that should be expressed, but only the senior partner knew the exact improv scene.  The senior partner ran the scene; we reacted—and, hopefully, acted like actors.  This scene could make or break us at ACTORspace.  At least, that was the rumor.

“Oh, Rey, why can’t we trade?” Mindy asked.  “You got Miss Sunshine and Roses.”

She was describing my scene partner, who was a throw-back hippie chick good at sweet innocent girlie parts.  Honestly, I would have been happier with Kylo Ren.

Mindy showed me the damn paper again.  It said “anger” and “rage” as the main emotions.  I exchanged a look with Chloe. 

She said, “Mindy, you have to find it in you.  Practice again with Rey.  She can help you.  She’s full of rage.”

“Thank you so much,” I said to Chloe, though she wasn’t far from wrong.

“Kylo Ren is very tall,” I said, climbing on a box in the rehearsal room.  “So, you will have to look up at him.”  I had seen him from afar one day, striding around the commons, on some sort of mission.  He never seemed to just walk with those long legs.  His massive feet ate the ground beneath him.

“Oh, goody,” Mindy said.

“Grow a backbone,” I shouted from atop my box.  She flinched.

“Yell back,” Chloe urged.

“Shut up?” Mindy said rather feebly.

“No,” Chloe said, “it’s ‘SHUT UP!’  Say it like you mean it.”

“How am I supposed to do this when I don’t know the topic?”

I put my hands on my hips.  “The topic doesn’t matter.  Maybe he wants to yell at you about using his toothbrush.”

“Ugh,” said Mindy.

“He’s yelling and you are yelling back.  Get mad at him,” I said.

“How can I defend using his toothbrush?” Mindy asked.

I closed my eyes.  That was part of the improvisation task.  There’s a conflict about a topic, such as borrowing someone’s car without permission or using their toothbrush.  Then you argue or discuss or fight or whatever.  You have to make it up as you go along.  Mindy didn’t get it.

I stepped off the box.  “Mindy, just do the best you can.”  I ran at her with all my might, yelling.  She knelt down, folding herself into a small package on the floor.  I jumped over her back, growling.

“I am Kylo Ren,” I said, planting my feet wide apart.  “Hear me roar.”

Chloe and I walked into the black box classroom space the next day ready to start the scenes with seniors.  Mindy was already there, whispering to herself and biting her nails in a corner.  I said hi to my senior partner, Lisi, as she gave me a sideways hug.  I wasn’t paying attention.  I was scanning for the original man. 

Kylo Ren was late.  He strutted into the room, taller than most everyone else.  He was muscular but lean, not bulky like some guys can be.  He had wavy black hair and dark eyes.  His ears showed through the thick waves.  Up close, he looked nothing like I expected.  His face was serious and intent, but it looked as though he was concentrating on his upcoming task.  Ultimately, aside from his large physical presence, he looked like some of the guys I went to school with and not that much like an older Knight of Ren.  I heard him talking, saying hi to Lisi.  His voice was pitched low and soft and very deep.  I felt a small shiver when he talked.

Mindy would be fine.  Kylo wasn’t nearly as scary as Lisi, who was beaming at me like I was her special person.  I might start gagging at any moment.

“Jasper,” I said softly, walking up to our director.

“What?” he said, distracted.

“Hey, can we switch scenes?  You know, Mindy and me?  Can I take Kylo Ren and let Mindy have Lisi?”

Jasper stopped looking at his notes.  “Why?”  He frowned.

I twisted my fingers and tried to look reasonably concerned.  “Mindy is having trouble with her scene practice,” I told him in a low voice.  “She is too scared of her senior partner.  I know I can take him.  I can do the anger and rage that she can’t.  I’m not scared of a Knight.”

“Former Knight.  Please don’t judge Kylo by his past occupation.”  Jasper shut his notebook with a snap.  “Rey, we are not changing scene partners.  Remember, this is your exam.  This is designed to work your weaknesses.  If Mindy can’t handle it, she shouldn’t be an actor.  She has to pass the scene to pass my class.”  He poked a finger at me.  “And so do you, for that matter.  You have to work on your range of emotion with Lisi.  I know anger and rage are easy for you.  That’s the point of this exam.  Do the thing that’s hard.  Now, please take a seat.”  He walked away.

Jasper called us to order.  We sat in chairs that surrounded the small stage.  Kylo’s legs stuck out for miles.  He caught me looking at him and watched me for a couple of beats.  I stared back with what I hoped was a challenging expression.  His dark eyebrows raised slightly.  I quirked a brow at him and looked away.  The image of his face stayed in my mind.  He was oddly handsome with features that might not be classically beautiful but fit his face.  He had a long nose and high cheekbones that looked carved from stone.  But his plushy, full lips made him appear sexy and vulnerable.  Kylo really didn’t look that scary to me.  Sexy, yes, but not scary.  Now where did that idea take hold in my brain?

I was trying not to stare at him, but my eyes kept drifting in his direction.  He watched every scene with intense concentration.

I jumped a little when Jasper called, “Kylo and Mindy.”  Mindy and Kylo moved to the center space on the small stage to face each other. 

Kylo took a breath and shouted, loud enough to melt the black paint on the walls, “You cheated on me, you fucking whore.  I will fucking kill you with my bare hands.”

Mindy squeaked and gulped.

I willed her to get it together and tell him to fuck off or something.

“I did?” she whispered.

Kylo took a step closer.  Mindy was a tall girl, so he didn’t completely dwarf her.  I was shorter but I would have been in his face in two seconds.  Mindy backed up instead.

“You fucked my best friend, you bitch,” he shouted again, leaning closer and pointing a long finger at her.  His hands were huge.  “I will make you sorry.”

Mindy collapsed.  “I can’t.  I can’t,” she said, covering her face with her hands.

Kylo looked at Jasper.  “Is this part of the scene?”

Jasper exhaled.  “No, she’s supposed to get mad.  Mindy, you got this?”

Mindy shook her head and whimpered.  Kylo stood looking at her with an annoyed expression.

He waited.  We all waited.  Jasper sighed.  Mindy cried quietly, her face buried in her hands. 

“Don’t kill me, Knight of Ren,” she said, dropping to her knees.

“What the fuck?” Kylo said.  “Jasper… who is this person?  I’m not…”  He raked a hand through his hair.

I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I leaped up and ran into stage area. 

“Leave her alone, you asshole,” I shouted at Kylo.  “Of course, she ran to him.  Of course.”  I stalked up to him and pointed at his chest.  I gritted my teeth.  “You do nothing for her.  You drink all night and come home smelling like a booze factory.  I saw you behind Buddy’s with that waitress.  You thought I didn’t see you, but I did.  Mindy had to turn somewhere.  You’re never around.”

Kylo waited a few beats, staring at me in surprise.  I heard Jasper exhale.  “Dammit, Rey,” he said.

“What the hell is this?” Kylo said.  “Who the hell is this?”

Jasper called, “Kylo, she wants your scene.   Take her down.”

Kylo’s eyes narrowed.  He took a step forward and towered over me.  I was quite a bit shorter than he.  I craned my neck and met his gaze steadily.

“Who the fuck are you?” he roared.  “You stay out of this, little girl.  You know nothing about my life.”  He took hold of my shoulders and gave me a little shake.  It rattled my teeth a little.  I was beyond caring.

I threaded my arms under his and knocked his hands off me.  “I know everything.  Everything.  Like the fact that you aren’t really who you say you are.  You jumped parole up in New York.  The cops are looking for you everywhere.  I’m going to turn your fine ass in.”  I looked him up and down.

He smirked at me.  “You think my ass is fine, girl?”

“No,” I said, turning away.

“Liar,” he said.  He turned me around and tugged me close.  His body was warm.  He smelled like the dark woods, incense, and cold mint.  His eyes searched my face and a small smile played on his lips.  I swear to heaven it seemed like he might kiss me.  And I might let him.

Scene, Rey, scene.  Where the hell was I?

I pushed him again, but he was ready for that move.  It was like pushing a giant rock.  “Let me go,” I growled.

“No,” he said.  “I never wanted her anyway.  You are mine, now.”  He swept me up under my knees and lifted me easily in his arms.  Like a fucking bride.  He held me against him.  I could barely breathe.

“And scene,” Jasper called in an annoyed voice.

It was kind of lovely being held by this tall man.  He held me like I weighed nothing.  Then, to my great disappointment, he put me down.  There was a smattering of applause, which died out when Jasper looked at the class with a furious gaze.

Mindy shot me a poisonous look.  She hissed, “You bitch,” at me and stormed out.

I turned to Kylo Ren.  “Ok, that was better, don’t you think?”

Jasper was not happy with me.  Mindy even less so.  Chloe just shook her head.  What the hell was I thinking?  I should not take over someone else’s scene no matter how badly they floundered. I was not in charge.  I was not the director.  I was a disgrace to actors everywhere.  Blah blah blah.

Mindy and I both failed our scenes.

After class, Chloe told me I shouldn’t go to the end of term party that night.  Everyone thought I overstepped my shit and stuck my nose in too much.  No one wanted me there at the party.  Well, that was nothing new.  Most of the serious actors didn’t want me at ACTORspace either.  That was ok by me.  I wasn’t at ACTORspace for acting anyway—at least not primarily.  Granted, musical theater was the major I chose, but it was only a means to an end.  I composed music for my own soul, and I hoped it would fill a void in others as well.  The pretentious ones thought I had an attitude because I didn’t want to recite Shakespearean soliloquies and I didn’t care much about performing classic plays.  So be it.  I would write the music that pulled the heart out of Shakespeare.

I wasn’t about to stay home from the end of term party.  I had songs to sing and apologies to make.  Jasper might be there.  He attended student parties sometimes.  Mindy would be there.  I would ask her to forgive me, even if I didn’t believe I was entirely wrong.  I did feel a little bit bad about fucking her grade up.  I shouldn’t have jumped in, I suppose. 

But Kylo Ren.  Kylo Ren was so beautiful and powerful.  I had to shout at him and with him and be the brattiest brat I could be.  He would sweep me up and away.  Maybe he would do more angry, angry, yelling play scenes with me.  Probably not, but a girl could dream.

Chloe called me to tell me to stay the hell away from the party.  I listened vaguely.  Then I tried to sneak in a casual question about whether my big dark Knight would be at the party.  She paused.  I waited.  Perhaps I wasn’t so casual after all.

“Rey,” she said.

“No, wait.  I don’t care.  It doesn’t matter.  Pretend I didn’t say anything,” I said.

“You were a shit, Rey.  He’s not going to be there at the party.  He hasn’t attended one of those in two years since he left.  He’s a real actor with a union card and everything.  And he’s thoroughly pissed about today.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

“I overheard him talking to Jasper.  He had nothing good to say about your idiotic maneuver.”

“Would he kill me if he was still a Knight,” I asked.

“Who the hell knows?  Those people are dangerous, Rey.  They put their lives on the line every single day to protect us. Their training can make them tough and mean.  Fortunately, he’s former Knight, not a current one.”

“So he’s not coming to the party?”

Chloe laughed.  “You should hope not.”

I should, shouldn’t I?

Before heading to the party, I put on my shortest jean shorts, a tank top with a black lacy bra, and a pair of Timberlands.  I took down my three little buns and let my hair float free.  I put my electric guitar and baby amp into a case.  I hid a mic in my hair and strapped the transmitter to the back of my shorts.

I slammed into the party and left my guitar case by the door.  A couple of people refused to say hello to me as I checked to see if the punch was spiked yet.  It was.  I wasn’t interested in getting drunk, but a small buzz would be nice.  I had learned that lesson at ACTORspace, especially at these pretentious asshole parties I attended.

Chloe’s boyfriend, Brent, was talking to her.  I bumped into the two of them.  At least they liked me well enough.  Or maybe they were just there for the show.  Chloe knew I wouldn’t take her advice.

“Wish I’d been there,” Brent said, literally rubbing his hands together.  “Rey-Rey, you are the shit.  Imagine having the balls to do that to Kylo Ren.  Mindy is spitting nails.”

“I was trying to help that girl out.  Jesus.  The thanks I get,” I said, shaking my head.

“Bullshit,” Chloe said.  “You’ve been wanting her scene from the beginning.  Showing off with the Knight of Ren.”

Brent said, “I heard about that guy, but I never met him.  What was he like?”

“Weird-looking.  Loud.  Tall,” Chloe said.

“Weird-looking?” I asked.  “Kylo?”  I didn’t think he looked weird.

Chloe laughed.  “Oh, it’s ‘Kylo’ now?  You know him?  Why did you let him carry you like that?”

I shrugged.  “Part of the scene.”

“He is not at all what I imagined,” Chloe said to Brent.  “I thought Knights were good looking and strong, straight back and all yes ma’am, no sir.  This guy was really tall and intense.  He had this big mouth and yelled like he was having some kind of tantrum.”

“He’s got a great reputation as an actor.  He has already snagged some professional roles,” Brent said.  “Not leading roles, but you wouldn’t expect that straight out of A’space.”

“Plus, he’s not that good looking,” Chloe added.

“Right,” said Brent.  “Not like me, who is the pinnacle of good-looking men.”  He posed for a second. 

Brent actually wasn’t lying.  He had the tawny blonde look of a leading man.  He was very handsome as were most of the men at A’space.

I thought Chloe was deranged.  Kylo Ren was much more than handsome.  The word didn’t begin to cover the essence of the man.  But I decided not to comment on anyone’s looks.  There was far too much emphasis on physical features at ACTORspace for my taste.

“It was fun,” I said instead.  “He was a good partner.”

“Worth bombing out of ACTORspace for?” Chloe asked.

I shrugged.  “I might leave anyway.”

“So you keep saying,” Chloe said.

“Oh, shit,” Brent said.  “Serious theatre actors stage left.”  He nodded at the group who walked in looking like they owned the party.

They barely acknowledged our presence as they pushed by us to take over a table and make a lot of noise.

“Ugh,” Chloe said.

“Hey, Sting-Rey,” one particular dude named Anson called, after they were seated.  He was another leading man type with chestnut hair and dark blue eyes framed by thick lashes.  He was known for his intense stares into the eyes of every woman he encountered.  He was considered charming with his side smirk and perfect teeth.

“Is he talking to me?” I asked Chloe and Brent.

“Yeah, I am, Sting-Rey,” Anson said.  “I heard you fucked up a scene in Jasper’s class.”

“Fuck me,” I said to myself.  I turned and walked up to where the wolves were sitting.  “I did not fuck up a scene.  I took over a scene.”

The group roared at that.

“With Kylo Ren, Knight of Ren?” Anson said.  “You have a death wish?”

“It was fine,” I said.

Anson smiled at me.  “He isn’t here yet.”

“So?”

“He doesn’t eat people alive until after class.”

I glared at Anson.  “Tell it to someone who cares.”

“You should care, Sting-Rey.  I think you are on the way out of here.  Jasper won’t stand for you screwing up his exam, and Kylo Ren will murder you for fucking up his scene.  Girl, you are about to get a whoopin’ and we are all here to watch.”

The rest of the group started banging the table, howling “whoop-ing, whoop-ing” as loud as they could.  The whole room exploded in laughter.

At that moment, Kylo walked into the back of the room.  He gazed around at the crowd of vultures waiting to pick my bones.  He started walking toward us, possibly toward me.  Or I would like to think so.  But he stopped when he heard the yelling and banging.  “What the fuck?” he said.

“Hey, hey, Kylo Ren,” Anson said, jumping up to pull Kylo forward.  “Sit with us, dude. We are just waiting for the verdict.”

Kylo’s face looked strained.  “What?”

“Haha,” Anson said. “Waiting for you to convict and then punish our bratty girl there.”  He gestured at me.

“Not your girl, asshole,” I shouted.

I was done.  I was not going to wait for any kind of verdict.  I ran and found my guitar, unzipped the case, and strapped it on.  I grabbed my amp and fired the whole thing up.  I strummed the first chord of the song I wrote just for the occasion.

Then I did what I do best.  I jumped on the nearest chair, opened my mouth, and sang.  My voice was my savior, my favorite part of me.  I sang my song loud, quick, and hard.  My voice felt rich and soaring.  I pushed as much air as I had to fill the room with the anthem for those of us left behind, for the picked on and hated.  I sent a big fuck-you to the Ansons of the world who thought they could push me around.  And Kylo would be included in that group if he came after me.  I forgot where I was and just sang.

Lots of mouths were hanging open when I finished.  I’m not sure they had ever heard me sing like that before.  I had not played one of my songs in front of this crowd.  I stood still and stared down every one of them who thought they were better than me.  Then I jumped off the chair.

Anson spoke first.  “Sing all you like, bitch.  They are going to kick your sweet round ass out of here.  You don’t belong.  You never did.”

Kylo stood up.  “Hey, now.  What kind of shit is that?”

“Sting-Rey is the worst kind of wanna-be imposter,” Anson said.  “She’s here because of granddaddy.  She doesn’t even sing that well, so they put her here in theatre instead of music.  She’s taking up someone else’s slot.  Someone who can actually act.”  He paused.  “You saw her, breaking rules, busting in where she doesn’t belong.  Thinking she fucking owns the place.”

My blood boiled.  “You leave my singing out of this,” I shouted.

I yanked my mic pack off and threw it at Anson’s head.  He ducked and it hit the floor.  I twisted the guitar onto my back and grabbed my small amp, preparing to throw it.

Kylo grabbed my arm.  “Stop,” he growled.

“Let go of me,” I said, trying to loosen his grip, like I did before.  Again, he was ready for my fighting.

“No,” he said.

I ignored him and launched myself in Anson’s direction.  Kylo caught me by the waist and tossed me over his shoulder.  He carried me out of the room, dangling.  I heard a lot of laughter and shocked conversation happening behind me.

“Put me down,” I shouted, beating on his back.  He ignored me.  My guitar flopped around and banged me in the legs.  “Ouch,” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Kylo ignored my struggles.  He opened the door to a backstage dressing room, turned on the light, and dumped me on my feet. 

“Calm the fuck down,” he said.  “Sit.”

“I don’t take orders from you.”

Kylo sighed, reach around me, and grabbed my guitar.  He pulled the strap over my head and leaned the guitar against the vanity.   I allowed him to take the amp out of my hand and set it on the vanity next to the guitar.

With one large hand, Kylo pushed me onto the couch.  He sat down next to me.

I stared at his face, which looked more and more like a Greek statue carved out of stone.  His soft lips were tight. 

“Talk,” he ordered.

I considered telling him to fuck off, but I found that I did want to talk.

“The vultures said you were mad at me for fucking up your scene,” I said.  “Honestly, I could give a damn.”  The last word came out as a quiver.  Shit.  I would not cry in front of this man.  I would not.  I gulped air and blinked hard.  I didn’t dare look at him.

“You’ve got a lot of guts, there, girl,” he said.  “What’s your name again?”

“Rey,” I said.

“You did mess up the scene, Rey,” he said.  “You interfered with the exam.”

“Oh, for shit’s sake, spare me the same goddamn lecture,” I said and rose from the couch.

“No, I won’t,” he said, standing up to his full height.  “If you can’t follow the rules, you can’t be an actor.”

“I am a singer.”  I would not be intimidated by this man’s height.

“Then why are you here?”

“Because,” I shouted.  “I am my grandpa’s spoiled brat, and he doesn’t know what else to do with me.”

Kylo considered that statement.  “Who is your grandpa?”  He stopped and looked at me closely for a moment.  “Mr. Imperior.  Our illustrious benefactor at A’space.  Wow.”

I nodded.  I plopped back on the couch.  “The family doesn’t know what to do with me.  My grandfather says I’m too wild,” I said. “I want to be a singer, but that man won’t let me just go to LA.  He has the money to make it happen, but…”  I huffed.

He shook his head.  “He’s right.  You’re just a little girl.  Are you even 18 yet?”

“Fuck you.  I am 22.”

“Huh,” he said.  “Still.  You can’t just go somewhere and expect to make it.  You have an amazing voice, but it’s tough out there.  Your grandfather can’t make you famous.”

“Bullshit,” I said.  “I bet he can.  He’s just not helping me.”

“You are at A’space.  That’s the best help.  I bet you are here tuition-free, unlike the rest of us,” Kylo said.

“Yeah,” I said.  “I’m taking someone else’s spot.  Shame on my ungrateful ass.  And you?  What are you doing?  Are you making it?”

“Well, yes, but I actually graduated from here and have been working on my craft.  I have credentials and an agent, and I’m auditioning for a lot of parts.  I am a working actor.”

I was impressed but I sure wasn’t going to tell him that.  I waited.  He waited.

I looked up into his face.  He gazed back at me, dark eyes serious.

“Here’s the thing,” he said.

“No,” I said.  “No ‘here’s the thing.’  Quit being a condescending dick.”

He clamped his lips together.  Then he said, “That girl, Mindy, needed to fail.  You didn’t do her any favors by rescuing her.  Did she thank you?”

I shrugged.  “No.”

“No, she didn’t.  She was embarrassed.  She was not able to find the strength in herself to do the scene.  She was not able to decide whether she could act or not.”

I looked at him, tears filling my eyes again for some reason.  I blinked them back angrily.  “Is there a way you could stop lecturing me?  Is it possible that I can just be…can just exist as a person for right now?”

He paused and considered my request.  “All right,” he said.  “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Kylo Ren had an old junky black motorcycle that sounded like it was about to die.  I perched on the back with my gear lashed precariously behind me, while he rode slowly to his apartment a few blocks down.  He parked in front of an old brick building.  He locked his bike and grabbed my stuff.

“I got it,” I said, trying to take it from him.

He brushed me aside.  “It’s ok.  I can help you,” he said.  He took the stone steps two at a time holding my guitar case.

I followed Kylo inside and up the stairs to a battered door, which he unlocked.   He opened it and set the guitar case in the corner.  His apartment was tiny with old mismatched furniture.  Must have been a real let-down after the Knight quarters.  Or maybe not.  I had never seen where they were housed for training.  I just imagined that it would be nicer than an old beat-up student dwelling.

There was a shallow living room with an old couch in the middle and an unmade bed in the corner.  There was a door off to the left and a small galley kitchen in back.  The room was clean, almost as if Kylo didn’t live there at all.  He opened a small refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of beer.

“Want one?” he asked, twisting the cap off.

“Sure.”  He opened mine, handed it to me.  I took a sip, while Kylo threw his long frame onto the bed and put his beer on the windowsill.

I hesitated.

Kylo patted the bed.  “Let’s fuck,” he said.

“Pardon me?”

He sat up.  “You wanted to be a person for a minute.  Let’s fuck.  That’s what people do.”

I stared at him.  “I barely know you,” I said.

“Are you wild or not?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said.  “But I don’t need a daddy—or a lecture.”

He laughed.  “Yeah, you do, but we’ll let that go for now.”

“Fuck you,” I said.

“Ok,” he said.  “Come on.”  He gestured toward the bed.

I weighed my options.  I could do this, maybe.  I took a step toward Kylo.  He reached out and took my beer from me.  He placed it on the windowsill next to his.  Then he held out his hand.  I was curious enough to try.  I wanted to touch his black wavy hair and see if his lips were as soft as they looked.  He was sexy, but not pretty.  He was intense, wired, and full of crackling energy.

I took his hand.  He tumbled me into the bed right into his lap.  Quickly, he turned me over his knee and proceeded to smack my jean-clad bottom with a large hand.  I squirmed, shouting.  I elbowed the shit out of him in his ribs.  He grunted but held me firm.  The spanks were more astonishing than outright painful.

“What the fuck?” I shouted at him again.

He paused.  I could almost feel his hand in the air above my behind.  “You fucked up my scene and you are a brat,” he said in a conversational tone.

“I will fucking kill you,” I said, twisting uselessly.

He laughed and swatted me again.  “Doubt it.”

He flipped me over and held my arms away from his face as I tried to claw him.  He gave me a push and we fell backwards together.  He bent to capture my mouth with his.  It was soft and firm, warm and wet.  Delicious with his sweet tongue inside my mouth.  I wanted to suck him into me.  I dug my hands in his thick hair to pull him closer.

He tugged his shirt off and worked on getting mine over my head.  I pulled off the rest of my clothes as fast as I could.  I needed to feel his skin on mine.  We touched and tasted each other.  I had never felt so ravenous for someone.  He settled his soft lips between my legs and ate me like a fruit.  I cried out when the peak hit and he pressed his tongue down hard.  He rode with me until it was over.  Then he pulled himself off me to roll on a condom. 

“Baby,” he said, moving into position between my legs.  “Are you ready for me?”

I decided I wouldn’t tell him.  It was none of his business.  He would never know.

Kylo pushed his way into my body slowly at first, then all the way.  I gasped at how full I felt and how it almost but not quite hurt.  He pressed harder and began to move with strong strokes.  The lingering pain was sweet.  The friction erased other sensations.  He moved faster and I bumped my groin into his with every thrust.  He shuddered and moaned out my name.

He pulled out carefully and headed to the bathroom.  When he came back to bed, he asked me if I was on my period.

“No,” I said.

“Are you ok?  There was some blood on the condom.”

“Yeah, I am fine.”

He dropped back on the bed and pulled me close.  I let him snuggle me up next to him.

“What’s with the blood?  Wait, you aren’t…”  He looked over at me with puzzled eyes.  “You weren’t…”

“It’s none of your business,” I said.

He sat up abruptly.  “What the fuck?  Are you a fucking virgin?”

“No,” I said, truthfully.

“What the fuck?”  He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up.  “You come here with that and don’t tell me?  I don’t play with …  Oh my fucking God.”  He raked his hands through his hair.  “What are you doing?”

I got mad.  “Nothing.  I told you, it’s not your business.”

“I think it is.  Have you had sex or not?”

“I have now,” I said.

Well, I thought I had been spanked before.  It was nothing compared to what he did next.  I found myself over his lap again and that big calloused hand descended on my bare behind.  It stung like hell.  I yelled again and tried to break free of the rain of hard swats.  I was on fire.  Elbows didn’t seem to work on this man, and he had me pinned so I couldn’t kick him.

“You fucker,” I howled.  I reached up and yanked his hair.

“Fuck,” he said and let me go.  “You are a brat.”

I scrambled away from him.  We stared at each other. 

“You should have told me,” he said.  “I would have been gentler.”

I took a breath and gulped hard.  What was I about to do here?  Shit.  I gathered up the courage.

“I don’t like gentle,” I said softly, meeting his eyes.  “I like you.”

Kylo raised his brows and his plush lips twitched.  “Well.  So, I’m the one.”  He paused, chuckling to himself and raking his hand again through his lovely hair.  He opened his arms and I launched myself into his lap.  He cupped my bottom and pulled me close.  I winced a little at the soreness and he rumbled a laugh into my hair.  His nose tickled my cheek.  His lips traced a path along my jaw.

I arched my neck to give him further access.  “I’m not sore,” I whispered.

He laughed.  “Then I didn’t spank you hard enough.”

I swatted him on the shoulder.  “No, I meant…”

He stood and picked me up in his arms.  He literally threw me down on the bed.  “I know what you meant,” he said, covering me with his big body.

Oh God.  Kylo’s mouth was everywhere on me. He bit my neck and licked the sore spot.  He moved down and sucked my nipples hard.  I grasped his head and pulled him tighter to me.  He blew on them to make them harder.  It was lovely chilled torture.

Then he nestled himself between my legs, pulled on a condom, and pushed himself into me hard and fast.  I was wet and ready.  It hurt with a sweet hot pain.  I drew him closer to me as he pulled my legs wider apart and moved faster. 

“Fuck this,” he said and flipped me over on my face.  He drew my hips up and lined himself up.

I couldn’t stop myself from moaning his name as he slid into me hard and fast.  His long arm reached around to circle the little hard spot between my legs that was aching so badly.  Flipped upside down as I was, the nub hung down for his ministrations.  He held me so I couldn’t move.  He stopped thrusting and continued to use his long fingers on me.  He slapped my bottom and I felt the orgasm of a lifetime building.  Nothing like I’d ever, ever dreamed off.  Nothing like I’d done by myself or with my old boyfriend’s limp fingers in my panties.  Kylo increased the speed and pressure between my legs.  I almost passed out when he began to slowly sink into me again from above.

I was there.  I came, calling his name, howling as he shoved me down in the bed and pounded into me.  It was sore and hot and so, so good.  I felt him jerk with his own release.  He whimpered in his moaning. I know I heard it.  Kylo Ren whimpered and gasped.

Kylo continued to lie on top of me, crushing my body, still inside.  He finally pulled himself out and up.  He fell on his back and pulled me close in a hot sweaty snuggle.  We lay together, hearts pounded against one another.  I couldn’t move if I wanted to.

After a short sweet nap, I woke up to Kylo looking at me, eyes warm and admiring.  “Any guy would want you,” he said quietly in my neck.  “You are absolutely perfect.  You have a hot little body for a small girl.  Nice tits, perfect ass.”  He cupped my breast.  He looked at my face, assessing my features.  “You’re very pretty, too.  Lips, eyes, hair, everything.  You would make a great leading lady with the right training.”  He touched my hair.

“Thanks,” I said dryly.

He stared at me for a moment.  “Good God, I’m trying to compliment you, you little beast.”  He paused.  “I get it.  It’s that mouth,” he said. “No one can get past that wicked tongue of yours.”

“Or get past my grandfather,” I said.

Kylo and I sat in silence for a few.  I weighed my options.  Should I tell him?  I decided to go for it.  I didn’t seem to have much to lose.

“Look, Kylo, the truth is most people don’t like me there.  I don’t fit in,” I said, finally.  “So, no, I don’t have a boyfriend or anyone who would want to fuck me.  I don’t make friends that easily.”

“You piss people off.”  It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah,” I said.

 “Jasper wants to kick you out of the program.  If your grandfather will let him.  I told Jasper not to do it.  I told him you were actually good and that it took a lot of guts to jump in, even if it was wrong.”

I couldn’t believe he was talking about me to Jasper.  “I’m not your fucking project,” I said.  “You don’t have to defend me.  Hey, I jumped in because I could.  I knew what to do with the scene and Mindy sure didn’t.  Everyone was saying that no one could handle you.  You break actors down.  You are a hard scene partner, and anyone who was partnered with you had better gear up.”

“So?” Kylo said.

I sat up in bed and crossed my legs.  I laughed, gesturing at him.  “That scene was it?  That was all you had?  You called your partner names.  That wasn’t much.”

He pushed his face near mine.  He looked angry.  I didn’t move.  I just stared him down.

“You took over my scene before I had a chance to get into it,” he growled.  “Jasper told me to rattle this woman to see if she could handle it.  She didn’t get a chance to begin before you jumped in.  You took the fucking scene.”

“It wasn’t very good,” I said.

“How the fuck would you know?” he shouted, waving his long arms.  “I barely got started.  You don’t get to decide what’s happening in a scene that isn’t yours.”

“Ok,” I said, grabbing my beer and taking a drink.  “Calm down.”

Kylo closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You’re trying to get booted out,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said.  “Those assholes, Anson and the others, make my existence miserable.  They hate me.”

“So what?  Are you gaining something by being picked on?”

“Valuable experience,” I said, sarcastically.  “That’s so full of shit.

“Ok, I know.  I get it.  It was the same for me when I first started ACTORspace,” he said.  “But…know what I would do, if I were you?”

“I am all ears,” I said.  “Just fucking dying to know.”

Kylo stared at me for a moment.  “Holy shit, you do have a death wish.  I could crush you like a tiny bug.”

I rolled my eyes.  “Shut the hell up,” I said.

Kylo pulled me on his lap and put his nose on mine.  “I don’t have to shut the hell up.  You need to listen.”

His eyes narrowed at me.  “Ok,” I said.  “Tell me.”

I may have surprised him.  He took a deep breath.

“If I were you,” he said through gritted teeth, “I would go back, apologize, take my punishment, and complete the fucking program.  You will have more chances to get work if you stay.  Stop fighting.  I did it and you can, too.”

I glared at him.   He was possibly right, and I hated that. 

“Call Jasper,” he said.  “Ask for forgiveness.”

I raised my chin and glared at him.

“Do. It.” Kylo shouted, loud enough to make my ears hurt.

I growled in frustration.  “All right.  Keep your pants on.”  I reached for my phone.

There was a short, startled silence.  Then Kylo busted out laughing.  He dumped me off his lap and fell backwards onto the bed. 

I found my phone.

Kylo was still chuckling.  “What am I supposed to do if I don’t have any pants on?”

“I really don’t know what to tell you,” I said absently.  I was looking at my messages.  “Hey, Chloe texted me.  Mindy packed her shit and left.  Chloe wants to know if I am at your place.  Oh, shit.  Chloe says Mindy is heading this way.”

Kylo looked out the window.  Mindy was indeed walking up the stoop.

“Shit,” he said, scrambling to his feet.  “How does she know where I live?”

“I don’t know. Are you going to let her up here?”

The buzzer rang.  Kylo pushed the button and said hello.

Mindy’s crackling voice came through.  “Is Rey there?”

“Yeah,” Kylo said.  He waited.

“Can I come up and talk to her?”

“Sure,” he said.

“Fuck me,” I said, pulling on my clothes.  He buzzed her up and yanked on his pants.

Mindy knocked and Kylo let her in.

“Hi,” she said.  She had a bag over her shoulder.  She looked at the two of us.

“Come in.  Have a seat,” Kylo said.

“No thanks,” she said.  “I just wanted to say...”  She stopped and took a deep breath.  “I can’t believe you would do that to me, Rey.  I thought you were my friend.”

“I was trying…”

“Shut up,” she said.  “Just shut up.  You wanted the scene with Kylo Ren from the beginning.” She darted a quick, nervous look at him.  “I didn’t know you wanted to fuck him, too.  I guess I was stupid.”

“Honestly, Mindy, I did not want to fuck anyone.  I never met Kylo before,” I said.  “Not until the scene.”

She looked at me like I was crazy.  “Whatever.  I don’t know why you decided to humiliate me in front of everyone, but that’s ok.  I am quitting anyway.  Going home.  So, fuck you.”

Mindy turned around and put her hand on the doorknob.

I was just tired. Tired of it all.  “Jesus,” I said.  “For shit’s sake.  Mindy, you were terrified.  You didn’t want to do it. You wanted to trade scenes with me.  Now you want to blame me for helping you out?  Fuck that.  Why do I even try to be anyone’s friend?”

I flopped on the couch.  “Anson pisses on me.  You hate me.  This one,” I gestured to Kylo, “spanks me and then yells at me until my ears fall off.  And Jasper wants me out.  I am so done.”

Mindy looked at Kylo.  “You did what?”

“Nothing,” he said.  “Ignore her.  She is raving.”

Was I wrong?  Was I really that wrong?  The two of them were watching me.  I wanted to shout at them that I was just trying to help.  That’s what I had said all along. 

It wasn’t entirely true, though, not really.  Kylo Ren was so attractive—tall and beautiful.  I had wanted him to see me.  I wanted to be his partner, so he would notice my existence.  I wanted to kiss him, run my hands over his body, and make him mine.  When I saw him walk in, that was all I could think of.  Maybe it was all I could think of when I saw him from afar, too.

I closed my eyes.  Fucking hell.  “Mindy,” I said.

“What?”

I clenched my fist.  I hated being wrong.  “All right.  You’re right and I’m a jerk.  I am sorry.  I screwed up.”

I opened my eyes and saw her shocked look.  “I should have let you continue.  I guess it’s true.  I wanted to do the scene with Kylo.  It was wrong to take it over for my own selfish reasons.   I will talk to Jasper and get your spot back.  I will offer to resign mine if that will help.”

Mindy’s mouth hung open for a moment.  She sat next to me.  “Thank you, Rey.”  She paused.  “Look, you are an incredible singer.  You can make it.  Don’t resign.”

I looked at her.  “I will do what Jasper says I have to do.  I will tell my grandfather not to intervene.  I do apologize for this mess.”

Mindy sighed.  “It’s ok.  I’m going home.  A’space is not for me anyway.  I suppose I should thank you for teaching me about myself.”

Kylo sat on the arm of the couch.  “Do you have any other plans, Mindy?”

She shook her head.  “I’m going home.  I’ve been thinking about it for a while.  This scene just confirmed my decision.  I wish I could have tried harder, but I didn’t want to do it at all.”  Mindy stood up and picked up her bag.   “When you two find fame and fortune, remember me.  Send me comp tickets and I’ll come see your shows.”

Kylo and I looked at each other.

After Mindy left, Kylo sat next to me.  “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“I will not answer that question,” I said.  “Furthermore, I wish you speak to you about some rules I have regarding any upcoming interactions.  Rule Number 1, do not patronize me.  I am not your pet project.  Number 2, do not spank me ever again.  I am not a child.  Number 3…”

“Number 3,” he interrupted.  “Don’t ask for Rule Number 2.  Give that one up.”

“Look here…” I started.

“Yeah?” His eyes sparkled and he gave me a slow roguish grin. 

I hadn’t seen him smile before.  My fucking jaw dropped.  He was so beautiful.

“Hmmm,” I said.  “All right.”  I was completely mesmerized by him.  He knew it, too.  His grin deepened and he leaned in for a kiss.

Then he said, “Do not lie to me or yourself and you won’t get in trouble.  Simple as that.” 

I opened my mouth to protest.  He ran over top of me loudly.  “Rule Number 4, call Jasper.”

I eyed him.  Worth fighting?  Not worth fighting?  

He narrowed his eyes at me.  I saw his hand twitch.  “I have a hairbrush with your name on it,” he rumbled.

“All right, all right,” I said.  “I’m getting there.”

He stopped my hand before I dialed.  “Listen, Rey. You need someone in your life who is as hard-headed and mean as yourself.  I just want you to know that’s going to be my job.”

“Excuse me?  Your job?”

He nodded.  “To keep you in line.”

“Who is keeping you in line?” I asked.

“Are you afraid of me?” he asked.

“No,” I said.  “Not even a little bit.”

“Then you’ve got the job.”

“To keep you in line?” I asked.

“Yep,” he said, smiling at me.  He kissed me lightly.  “Call Jasper.”

And though I was sure I would never see this beautiful man again after our one night, he surprised me. 

He showed up for me again and again.  And once again.  Until…

“Kylo,” I called, taking one last look in the mirror.  “Kylo Ren.”  Where the hell was he?

“I’m just waiting on you,” he called from the other room.  “We are going to be late, if you don’t hurry up and finish.”

“Ok, I’m coming.  Keep your pants on.”

I walked out of the bedroom to see Kylo standing by the couch wearing a black suit and tie.

“My pants have been on for quite some time.  Unfortunately,” he said, leering at me.

“Huh,” I said.

Two small projectiles hurled themselves into the room.  They both ran into my red silk dress.  “Are you scared?” Keelie, the smaller one asked.

Kylo answered, “No, she’s never scared.”  He picked the little person up and gave her a kiss.  She clung to his neck.

“It’s true.  I am not scared.  This is a good thing we’re doing tonight,” I said, hugging little Rebel, the other small guy.

“Mommy is getting an award for her songs,” Kylo said.  He grinned at me.  “We are so proud of her.  Say it with me!”  They chanted at me:  “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.”  I had to laugh.

“Now, listen, I don’t know if I won or not.  They don’t tell you until the show starts.  You two can watch a little bit.  Then off to bed with you.”  I smiled at our two kiddos.

Kylo said, “You can watch us walk the red carpet together.  That’s when we walk into the theater.  Mommy is the star tonight.”  He put Keelie on her feet.

“And Daddy’s the star another night,” I said.

“Daddy’s a star!  Mommy’s a star,” they yelled, barreling out of the room.

Kylo laughed and shook his head.  He bent down to kiss me.  “Those children are yours, without a doubt.  They are loud and wild.”

“Oh no,” I said.  “They’re definitely yours.  Loud is your department.  You are the one who yells.”  I patted his chest.

He pulled me close.  “You yell just as loudly as I do.  Let’s just say they are ours.”

“Oh, God, you are so right.  We are doomed.”  I clenched my fist and beat his chest lightly.

“No, just you,” he said, kissing my clenched hand.  “I am the one who keeps them in line.  And you, too.”

“Well, you do try.  I can always count on that.”  I rolled my eyes.  There had been many interesting—and rather loud—scenes between us.

“Damn right,” he said.

“Don’t let it go to your head.  Just because you are right sometimes doesn’t mean…”

Kylo picked me up in his arms and stopped my mouth with a kiss.  I never could resist this tough man with the soft lips.  I would fight him, and I would love him.  Both at the same time.  I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him back.  Makeup be damned.  He was my one and only scene partner, yesterday, today, forever.