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war beast

Summary:

Hualian get themselves a weapon of massive destruction to coo over, or, as they would call it, a pet. Yin Yu clearly isn’t paid enough to deal with this bullshit.

Or: Ghost City has a new mascot, and it’s a goddamn dragon.

Notes:

For Ammy, who asked for: "Hualian ends up adopting a pet and shenanigans ensues." She named Pangpang herself XD
Prompt 6 of HC Week: Fantasy (yes I know it's over, except it isnt because HC week is EVERY WEEK)

Betaed by hypermoyashi and thenyghtraven!!

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

There is a giant egg sitting on Hua Cheng's desk.

That one fact isn't, by itself, surprising. After years and years at the Calamity's service, Yin Yu is more than aware that his master is a compulsive hoarder. Every and any trinket that attracts his fancy will be taken, bought or stolen and kept in the endless storage house he calls a manor. It can be anything truly—jewelry, books, robes, statues, carnivorous plants—anything beautiful or odd Hua Cheng considered worthy of his attention. And his obsession with swords is well documented already. Yin Yu just never realized his ridiculously big armory wasn't for his own sake until His Highness of Xian Le showed, eyes glistening with boundless joy at the sight of the beautiful weapons on display.

Therefore, a giant egg isn't that weird to chose as a decorative item for the master of the Ghost City, and Yin Yu wouldn't have spared it a second glance if not for the fact the shell was made of scales.

"My lord," he says, growing horror coloring his usual bland tone. "That's a dragon's egg."

And not a dead one, unfortunately. The scales covering the egg are too bright, too lively for the disaster in gestation it contains to be deceased. Hua Cheng knows this as well, otherwise he wouldn't have surrounded the egg with magically warming cushions.

"How keen your eyes are, Yin Yu, I would have never guessed myself," Hua Cheng drily answers. "How did I manage before you?"

That's a lot of sarcasm for one ghost, but nothing out of the ordinary for Yin Yu. Only His Highness of Xian Le is noble enough in Hua Cheng's eyes to be spared the brunt of his cynicism. "May I ask what my lord intends to do with such a creature should it hatch?"

Hua Cheng rests his chin over his palm and sighs. "No clue. Some foreigner merchant from the West gifted it to Gege as a 'reward' for his hard work." Then, his sharp tone softening at the mention of his lover, he says, "He's very excited."

The very second His Highness is brought up, Yin Yu knows he lost the battle. There is literally nothing Hua Cheng wouldn't do for his god, including but not limited to: give everything he owns to His Highness, collect swords for centuries, go to war against Heaven itself and give up his own ashes to His Highness' care. By that logic, taking care of a creature who's closer to a natural disaster than to a pet is simply a minor inconvenience.

Yin Yu merely wishes he wasn't another casualty of this unconditional love. Because who is going to have to take care of this thing? Yin Yu, obviously.

"What kind of dragon?" he says, resigned to his fate.

"Some kind of western species." Hua Cheng flicks at the egg. The scales change colors at the touch, turning white as snow. "Basically fatter and stupider than ours, from what I understood."

So he doesn't know. Guess it's up to Yin Yu to figure out a general guideline for the care and keeping of magical deadly reptiles. Hopefully, he will manage to survive the experience without losing a limb or getting burnt to a crisp. "I'll start researching."

"I'm so sorry for the bother!"

The instant His Highness enters the room, Hua Cheng's whole expression shifts from annoyed boredom to blissed adoration. It's absolutely disgusting. Fortunately, Yin Yu is so used to the drastic change he doesn't even blink.

"Your Highness." He bows in deference.

"Ah, none of that, there is no need!" Xie Lian waves his hands as he always does when Yin Yu greets him with the respect Hua Cheng's beloved is entitled to.

Yin Yu nods along, knowing he'll act exactly the same way next time. Partly because he genuinely believes Xie Lian deserves the respect he was deprived of for so long, and partly because Hua Cheng would cheerfully eviscerate him if he didn't.

"Don't worry about a thing, Yin Yu." Xie Lian pats his arm. "My dragon, my problem."

That's a very nice sentiment, but past experiences have shown His Highness' problems do not, in fact, stay his Highness' problems alone. Behind Xie Lian's shoulders, Hua Cheng grins threateningly at Yin Yu.

"I don't mind, Your Highness." Yin Yu smiles politely. "I like. Research."

That's not even a lie. Yin Yu does enjoy learning new things and hunting down intel from dusty scrolls and the mouths of far-away travellers. However, he's not especially fond of pets more likely to eat his hand than to lick it, but what His Highness doesn't know can't hurt him.

.

The egg hatches in the dead of winter, as leafless branches bend under the weight of heavy snow blankets and even unliving souls have retreated from the cold into the warmth of their homes.

"Yin Yu!" Hua Cheng yells, and Yin Yu promptly abandons his paperwork to fly to his lord. "I'm going to fetch gege. Keep an eye on it."

Hua Cheng vanishes just after he barked his order, leaving Yin Yu with a slowly cracking egg shaking in the hearth. He kneels by the fire, his unbeating heart shivering tentatively. He's been preparing for this day for months now, as he slowly collected scarce information on those beasts of the west, their legends clouded in destruction and fire.

He can't deny there is a part of him that's… excited.

"Is it happening yet?" Xie Lian appears a second later, Hua Cheng glowering fiercely by his side.

He sits next to Yin Yu, his robes pooling white by his knees and eyes shining bright. Hua Cheng looms behind him, curiosity shimmering under his mask of placidity. In silence they wait for a fire made flesh to come out of its shell. After a last crack, it finally does. A tiny, grimy thing crawls out of the hearth and into Xie Lian's lap.

"Oh," the god breathes out, without minding the too hot skin of the dragonling. "Hi there."

"Gege, don't burn yourself," Hua Cheng gently chides.

"It's fine, it's fine," Xie Lian dismisses his concern, as he always does when its comes to his own safety. "Look how cute he is! So adorable!"

Puppies are cute. Kittens are cute. To a certain extent, human children are cute too. This creature, with too big teeth and too long claws, certainly doesn't qualify to Yin Yu's mind. It looks more like a killing machine in miniature more than it looks like a baby.

The dragonling coughs over Xie Lian's robes, tainting the white of the cloth with ashes, and Yin Yu has the sudden realization they're stuck with it for life.

.

The first weeks after the hatch go quietly enough for Yin Yu. He more or less presumed he would play the role of a glorified babysitter/biting toy for the dragonling, but he thought wrong, as His Highness took it upon himself to fully assume his parenting responsibilities.

Yin Yu only has to supply food while His Highness feeds the tiny beast himself and carry it everywhere he goes. He uses his cursed bandage to strap it to his back or chest, and he doesn't seem to mind the frequent biting or the lack of sleep. Yin Yu would have thought a savage creature wouldn't particularly like being tied up to a human, but 'Pangpang', as Xie Lian named him, goes completely limp against the restraints and makes really weird purring noises that sound like happiness from an outsider's perspective.

The spectacle of the cheerful god strolling in Paradise Manor with a baby dragon and patting its snout is admittedly adorable. The fact the dragon's scales change colors with its environment and often adornes himself in the characteristic white of His Highness' Ruoye only adds to the cuteness of the situation.

Even Hua Cheng's stern expression softens when he catches sight of his lover cradling, nursing and playing with the monster spawn. And that asks a lot of him, considering how much he hates anything that could possibly bring harm His Highness. The god's fingers are littered with bite marks and burns, and Yin Yu has to stitch Ruoye back together more than once, which is definitely not the way to endear oneself to Crimson Rain's eye. Still, the dragon makes Xie Lian happy, and therefore, he is allowed to live for now, no matter how unenthusiastic Hua Cheng feels about it.

"I'm really sorry about this…" Xie Lian claps his hands together in apology. The dragonling dozing off on his lap startles at the sudden noise. "I never managed to sew well…"

"It's alright, Your Highness," Yin Yu honestly says as he stitches the last frayed edge on the silk bandage laying still on the table. "I don't mind helping."

And he doesn't. Even without taking into account the fact Hua Cheng would murder Yin Yu if he ever dared to refuse anything to his beloved, Yin Yu genuinely likes being useful to the Crown Prince. He hasn't forgotten who held him when he died in a pool of his own blood.

Xie Lian's boundless kindness is a force to be reckoned with. No wonder he holds such a powerful ghost's devotion on a leash. Who else could have the pretension to make the fearsome Crimson Rain Seeking fetch tiny pieces of meat like an obedient servant.

"Here, Gege," Hua Cheng, ever the dutiful husband, says when he kneels down next to his god.

"Thank you so much, San Lang! Pangpang made a puff of fire today!" Xie Lian proudly pats the dragonling's head. "Baby is growing up so fast!"

Hua Cheng's eye zooms in to the bandaged burn on Xie Lian's wrist. Then he casts an annoyed glance at Yin Yu as if it's all his fault. "That's great, Gege."

Hua Cheng smiles when Xie Lian looks questioningly his way. Yin Yu silently resigns himself to suffer his bad temper while he pretends everything is fine in front of his god and beloved.

.
.

In the end, it takes nothing less than an assassination attempt to make Hua Cheng change his mind about the addition of a 'pet' to their life. Though, to be fair, the expression 'assassination attempt' is a vast exaggeration for this poor excuse of an attack.

"Those silly ghosts didn't know I was your husband, San Lang," Xie Lian sighs as he pats the top of the decapitated head staring gloomly at the ground. "It's all a misunderstanding, really."

There is little to misunderstand. A bunch of stupid ghosts didn't recognize His Highness and assumed it would be a good idea to rob and leave for dead the mystery human roaming the ghost country with only his pet lizard for companion and protector.

"Very sorry, we are," the severed head confirms with an appropriate level of contrition. The few companions he has left alive, though in varying states of injury, agree loudly. "Won't happen again!"

"You bet it won't," Hua Cheng declares darkly as he kicks the body.

"San Lang," Xie Lian chides. "Don't be rude."

"It's okay, Milord, I had it comin'," the ghost says wisely. "Milord is an amazing swordsman, aye, cut my head right off! I barely felt anything! And this beast of yours! Burnt the heck out of my leg, eh. Never seen a lizard who could do that."

"Not a lizard," Yin Yu can't stop himself from addressing the misconception. He didn't spend days hunting down and reading antic scrolls for nothing. "A dragon."

"Bloody hell, I got burnt to a crisp by a dragon. Wicked."

Pangpang's tail flicks excitedly at the mention of his exploits on the battlefield. He wobbles toward Hua Cheng, opens his bloodied mouth, and spits out what looks like a half-digested human finger. Then he sits on his back legs and looks up hopefully at Hua Cheng, clearly waiting for approval.

"That's mine, ain't it?" one of the robbers mumbles from the side. "Little fucker ate my hand."

"Shuddup, that's Chengzhu's war beast you're talking about."

"'War beast', this baby," Xie Lian chuckles indulgently.

Yin Yu thinks of some pictures he has seen and stories he has heard, of centuries old dragons big as houses and fierce as volcanoes, terrorizing entire countries under their sharp claws, sharp teeth and scorching fire. War beast indeed. Only another war beast would call it a baby.

Hua Cheng stares at the dragon. The dragon stares back. It's a very intense moment for everyone involved. Slowly, without breaking eye contact, Hua Cheng kneels down to face the dragon. "You protected Gege?"

The dragonling puts its paw on Hua Cheng's knee. Something like kinship settles between the two of them.

"Good. Next time, aim for the dick."

"San Lang! Don't teach Pangpang weird things, he's very impressionable!" Xie Lin protests.

"It's not weird, Gege, it's practical," Hua Cheng says as he gathers Pangpang in his arms. The dragonling makes a pleased noise at his victory to earn's the Tall And Red Man's affections. "I'm all about practicality."

Yin Yu knows of plenty of evidence that says otherwise. He remains tactfully silent.

.
.

"What is that thing trailing behind the lord? Hua Chengzhu got a dog?"

"Ya idiot, you ever seen a dog with scales and wings, ah? It's a dragon! The only pet worthy of Hua Chengzhu!"

"Ah you're the moron! It's too fat to be a dragon!"

"It's a Western breed, dumbass. Grand Uncle was the one who brought it. Look, it has Grand Uncle's bandage twirled on its tail! If that's not proof to ya, I dunno what is."

"...Grand Uncle, whyyyy?"

"I saw it burn a sheep to a crisp once and chomp it whole! So cool!"

"That sheep could be ya, ya realize that? What's Hua Chengzhu even doing with that thing?"

"Mostly it follows him around and glares threateningly at whoever isn't the Officer or Grand-Uncle. I think it's trying to mimic Hua Chengzhu. And it sits with him at the Gambling Hall. Sometimes it eats the limbs of the losers, ah!"

"Wicked cool."

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