Work Text:
Baby Fever
“I want one.” Adrien stared at the picture in a daze. Nino leaned in to get a better look and realized Adrien was staring at yet another baby photo of Marinette. Nino couldn’t help but laugh at his friend.
“You want a ladybug onesie? I gotta admit, she’s got an adorable one, but I think you’re a little old.” Nino clapped his hand ontoAdrien’s shoulder, delighting in the adorableness that is the Sunshine Child. Adrien frowned and waved a hand at the pictureas though Nino had missed the entire point.
“No, Nino. I want a MiniMari.” Nino froze, as did the surrounding people at their table. The entire class was putting together scrap books for their parents, and each person had a partner to help them finish. Thankfully it was after school and only a couple of people had stayed in the classroom to work. Marinette was Adrien’s partner, and he’d taken over organizing all the materials while she gathered them. Nino, Alya’s partner had been playing around with the color tape, trying to find one that matched the orange onesie Alya had been wearing in his current photo.
Across the table, Sabrina and Rose dropped their projects and stared. Marinette and Adrien were definitely not dating, but suddenly he wanted a baby Marinette? What was in that picture? Rose stood and walked to look over Adrien’s shoulder. Despite herself, she started cooing at the adorable sight.
“Oh my goodness, she’s adorable. I can’t believe she was such a stunning baby!” Rose covered her mouth with her hand, realizing what that could have sounded like. Before she could try to fix her mistake, Adrien answered her dazedly. He’d been staring at the same photo for a while now, but it was almost concerning how he wouldn’t even glance away when talking to someone.
“Nah, she’s beautiful now too so of course she was a beautiful baby.” Adrien let out a longing sigh. “Ahhh, I really want one. How do I get a baby this cute?” Adrien asked the air absently. Sabrina answered without considering the ramifications.
“Well, you’d have to have a baby with Marinette, and see if your genes mesh well, wouldn’t you?” Rose gasped, and Nino’s eyes grew wide before he started making ‘abort’ gestures. No one wanted to remind Adrien that Marinette was ‘just a friend’ anymore than he already told them. But Adrien’s answer sent them all reeling.
“Yeah. Think she’d have me? I’m pretty cute.” Adrien rested his head on a hand and held the photo even closer to his face. He sighed, already resigned to rejection. “Nah, she’s got Luka, right? He’s pretty cute too. I don’t have anything he doesn’t. But man, I wish I could have her babies.”
The four students thought they would be alone in the classroomfor another few hours but they were wrong. More importantly, Marinette and Alya had returned with more photos they’d gathered from the families over the course of the afternoon. The two girls were silently walking up to the group to surprise them with their haul when they heard Sabrina suggest Adrien make babies with Marinette.
Marinette silently strode behind Adrien and leaned over his shoulder to see the baby he wanted. It was at that moment that everyone at the table besides Adrien became aware she was there. Alya stood back at the doorway, having sensed shenanigans from the start and recording accordingly. “Is that me?” Marinette asked softly, almost directly into Adrien’s ear.
“Yeah,” Adrien sighed for the fourth time. “God you’re adorable. Will you have babies with me?” Marinette blinked silently. There was hushed squealing and crashing around the two, but within their private bubble, there was a stagnant silence. Adrien sucked in a gasp, realizing Marinette was the one over his shoulder. Then he felt the blood drain from his face and black spots went across his vision as he remembered with dread the words that just came out of his mouth.
Marinette took a moment to stand up, and thought over what she’d just heard. As Adrien panicked and turned to her, Marinette gently set down the baby Adrien photos she’d received from a surprisingly jovial Mr. Agreste. “Ma-Marinette! I didn’t! I didn’t mean to!” Adrien’s panicked squeaking went unheard as Marinette silently turned to walk away.
The whole room went silent as they noticed her retreat. Alya, still recording from the doorway questioned her “Marinette?” but Marinette quietly replied as she left. She didn’t turn back, and she didn’t hesitate, making Adrien feel even more mortified.
“Not Today Satan.”
There was an awkward silence as the teens processed what they heard before turning in unison to Alya to confirm. Alyaobligingly rewound her recording. “Not Today Satan.” Alyanodded and looked up, meeting everyone’s eyes one by one before settling on Adrien. “She definitely said ‘Not Today Satan’. Sorry dude, no babies today.” Then with a laugh, she spun and chased her friend.
Adrien found himself turning so red that his energy seemed to just run out. He slumped against the table and let it happen. Nino was trying to silently offer some support but nothing he could think of would help right now. Rose was squealing, and Sabrina was frantically looking up the colloquial usage of ‘Not Today Satan’ online, as though there was an esoteric meaning she’d missed.
“Does that mean, maybe another day?” Adrien’s bemused words came out softly, but they hit with the impact of a sledgehammer. Nino gaped, utterly shocked Adrien hadn’t realized Marinette had completely ‘Noped’ out of the conversation. Sabrina started to sweat, uncomfortable at the idea of answering another question from Adrien after the disaster of her last answer. Rose froze for a moment, then started bouncing in place squealing into her fists. The ship was definitely going to sail! She could see it!
“Wait. Did she just call me Satan?” Adrien’s voice regained its normal amount of clarity, and the students glanced at each other, none willing to say yes or no to that. Adrien abruptly sat up, and stared after Marinette. “She just called me Satan. How dare she!” Adrien got up, apparently willing to chase Marinette down to defend his honor before Nino called out.
“Bro! It’s just a saying!” Adrien paused. “It means something like, I won’t be tempted with crazy shenanigans today.” Adrienglanced back at Nino and frowned. Nino looked into his green eyes and saw dawning awareness of the conversation he’d just had. Abruptly Adrien went pale and dropped back into his seat.
“I just asked to have her babies.” Nino nodded, and Adrien looked at the other three, horror-struck. “I just called her beautiful and said I wanted her babies and she heard me.” Nino glanced at the girls, unsure about that. He did a see-saw motion with his hands, and Adrien nodded. Maybe Marinette hadn’t heard that. “I asked her to have my babies?” Again, Nino did a see saw motion. Adrien frowned. “Wait, didn’t I say I wanted her to have my babies?”
Marinette, who had just returned to apologize for running out, froze in the doorway before turning right back around and leaving again. Rose and Sabrina stared at her form, before looking at each other and silently agreeing not to tell the boys she’d heard that. They could vaguely hear Alya cackling in the hallway, and a quiet tea kettle sound they could reasonably assume was Marinette.
Nino made a humming noise. “Well, I don’t think you actually said you wanted the babies to be yours too. You kinda channeled Rumpelstiltskin there, making it sound like you wanted her to reproduce by osmosis and give her baby up to you.” Adrien stared at Nino, utterly offended.
“Nino…. Bro. I love you, but osmosis is absorption. Are you talking about mitosis? Where a parent cell reproduces by dividing into two identical daughter cells?” Adrien paused, and Rose noticed Alya pushing Marinette back into the room. “God, I *wish* humans could reproduce that way. Can you imagine two adorable little Maribabies?” Adrien gave another dreamy sigh. “Can’t I have at least one Maribaby?”
Alya and Marinette froze, before Alya abruptly stopped pushing on Marinette and got her phone back out again. Marinette stumbled for a moment before standing on her own. Nino didn’t see the girls behind him, and decided to try to lighten the mood before Adrien went insensible again.
“Well bro, there IS the actual Marinette, who can always make more Maribabies.” He chuckled at his joke and Rose and Sabrina sent him panicked shushing motions. Nino noticed and went quiet, suddenly scared to turn around. Adrien remained oblivious as he picked up the photo again and stared at the adorable little baby in a ladybug onesie.
“Yeah, but she wouldn’t want me. She called me Satan.” He gave a sad sigh. With her short hair in pigtails, sucking on a binkie and staring at the camera with her huge, blue eyes, baby Marinette absolutely stole Adrien’s heart. As Marinette colored up behind him and started silently screaming and pointing at him, Adrien continued. “Man, I want one.”
“What if you could have one?” Alya’s gleeful voice scared Adrien into jumping upward. He spun around to stare at the two girls behind him. As he silently gaped and felt the rush of embarrassment envelop him once more, Marinette froze in place and simply stared back. The two were jerked out of the impromptu staring contest by Alya once more. “After all, there’s a Maribaby right here, Adribaby.” Alya cackled as Marinette began emitting a high pitched whimper again.
Adrien winced and covered his ears, suddenly very aware of the noise. Marinette’s voice immediately cut off and she stared at him with a slightly horrified yet all too knowing gaze. Adrien stared back, remembering the times he’d been caught off guard by akuma and made the exact same motion. But it wasn’t Marinette that had seen him doing that.
The two began examining each other again, each similaritychecking off a mental box in their knowledge of their partner.Eventually, the only remaining box was ‘kwami’. Adrien’s eyes roamed over Marinette’s body until it settled on her purse. Marinette likewise examined him until she got to his over-shirt that he never removed, even in summer. They both took in a breath, realizing it may be too late to come back from this knowledge.
“Wow. Yeah, I said ‘what if you could have one’ but that doesn’t mean you start planning it out dude!” Alya’s offended voice jolted them from their examinations. With one last glance that said a thousand words and nothing at the same time, they turned as one to Alya. Alya stood with her hands on her hips, frowning down at Adrien for giving Marinette the roving eye.
“What? I didn’t!” Adrien protested immediately. Babies weren’t even on his mind when he’d been looking at Marinette! Well, at least not after the whine she’d let loose. Adrien shifted guiltily, all too aware of just how much he’d been thinking about having babies with Marinette lately. Ever since this project started a few weeks ago, actually.
“Dude,” Nino reproved. “We all saw the eyes. If your eyes had been hands, you two would have made the best porno in the world.” Alya choked in shock. She hadn’t seen anyone but Adrien doing any eying.
“Marinette did not!” Alya had been standing behind Marinette, so she wouldn’t have seen Marinette, but Nino got a front row view to the both of them. Alya felt a grin stretching across her face. “Did she?”
Nino gave her a solemn nod. “Like he was the only source of water for kilos, babe.” Marinette colored up, and Adrien preened. As he stuck his chest out in pride, Marinette’s eyes caught his once more. He raised a cocky eyebrow, and Marinette flushed but also gave him an obvious thumbs down.
“You wish!” Marinette hissed. Adrien considered playing hurt but decided that would be too tame. If the cat was out of the bag, he may as well go for broke.
“I certainly do.” He purred, leaning toward her. Marinette gawked, unable to believe he’d said that with his pretty face. “What’s wrong, beautiful? You already know I want your babies.” He winked at her, falling into Chat’s headspace with relief.
Marinette visibly struggled for a moment before she let herself fall into the banter they usually used, knowing it was too late to play dumb now. Alya and Nino silently stared, eyes wide at Adrien actually flirting with a 3D girl. Sabrina and Rose reached out and pinched themselves, unable to take the whiplash these idiots were putting them through.
“Why would I ever give you my babies, Rumpelstiltskin?” Marinette crossed her arms over her chest defensively and struck a confident pose. She was blustering, still reeling at the idea her romantic and goofy partner could be her crush of 4 years. Adrien gave a sharp grin as though he’d scented blood. Marinette stiffened, already knowing what was coming.
“Well, MariBABE, You would have to give them to me if they were also mine, right?” Adrien trailed off suggestively as he languidly stood to his full height. As he approached Marinette, she found herself short of breath, already imagining what they’d need to do for babies, and not finding the idea nearly as off-putting as she’d always told herself it was.
Alya silently took a step back and went back to recording. Absolutely no one would believe them later if she didn’t. She didn’t believe what she was seeing and she was literally standing there watching this bullshit. Adrien tried to circle around Marinette, as though stalking prey, but Marinette moved into his path, stopping him from getting behind her.
“I don’t know, AdriBabe.” Marinette put an odd emphasis on his name, and he made a note that she had a new nickname already lined up. “First you’d have to convince me to do certain things, now wouldn’t you?” Marinette smirked up at him, silently cursing his height and beginning to consider a chair.
“Oh, Maribabe.” Adrien smirked back. “You wouldn’t say no to this face, would you?” There it was. The knowledge that Chat had gleaned from her room, resulting in Adrien’s confidence that Marinette definitely liked his face. Marinette subtly ground her teeth.
“Oh, you’re certainly pretty. But would we really make good babies?” Marinette none-too-subtly stood on a chair to stand over Adrien. It only made her taller by a few centimeters, but it made her more comfortable. Adrien looked on, a look of amusement covering his face.
“Marinette,” Adrien chided. “You know very well we’d make the most adorable babies.” He kicked her chair leg, and as she started to fall, he confidently caught her. “Wouldn’t we?” Adrien leaned in towards her, using his eyes to their best effect and knowing she’s weak to his begging. Marinette turned red and started stuttering.
“I-We-You-Cheat!” To everyone’s surprise except Adrien, Marinette hooked her foot behind his knee and sent him tumbling. Adrien let out a gleeful laugh at Marinette’s irritated screech. To neither hero’s surprise, Adrien chose to hold on to his partner and tumble to the floor. When all was said and done, the two laid entwined on the floor with an audience of four teens who didn’t understand what was going on, but they were rooting for it.
Marinette huffed and lifted herself up, only to find Adrien’s arms holding her body flush against his. She raised her head just enough to meet his eyes before giving in and sighing. “This isn’t how I expected the day to go. Was I really that cute as a baby?” Marinette asked Adrien. Adrien gave a victorious smile and squeezed her tighter briefly as she squeaked in protest.
“You were the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen. You’re the only one I would ever consider being the mother to my children now. You’ve ruined me.” Adrien gave her a beseeching pout. “Will you take respawnsobility?” Marinette groaned and buried her head into the crook of his neck.
“Fine.” Adrien jolted in place, disbelieving even as he had thought she would agree. He let in a shaky breath, completely overwhelmed at the idea she had actually chosen him. “Don’t make me regret this, you silly k….kid.”
“Of course!” Adrien burst out. A very concerning thought popped up. “Wait. What about Luka?”
Marinette glanced up. “What about him?” She blinked innocently.
Adrien looked at her, studying her eyes and trying to read what they said before giving in. He’d never fully understand this crazy girl. “Aren’t you dating?” Marinette’s eyes widened and she just stared for a minute, as though remembering it was Adrien she was laying on.
“No, we’re not.” Marinette attempted to move off of Adrien, suddenly uncomfortable. “Aren’t you dating Kagami?” Adrien looked sheepish.
“Ah, that. It uh, didn’t work out well.” Marinette stared. She knew subterfuge when she saw it. He winced and continued. “She’s a little too much like her mom?” Marinette just waited. She knew there was more. “Okay fine, it was like looking into a twisted mirror and I couldn’t take it when we kissed and it felt like I was kissing myself!”
Marinette sympathetically patted his chest. That sounded honest. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out. You really liked her.” Adrien blinked at her, utterly confused.
“What are you talking about? I’ve always been in love with you.” The two stared. Adrien continued. “You’re the one that’s in love with someone else. You told me so. Multiple times.” Marinette opened her mouth to argue before closing it, remembering the times she’d lied, and the times she’d truthfully thought he was different people.
Marinette grimaced. “It was always you, dummy.” Adrien stared, completely disbelieving. “It was!” He waited silently, unable to believe they’d blocked themselves, and trying to understand that she would actually have wanted him.
“Ah,” Adrien said, suddenly wise and a little disappointed. “It’s this face, isn’t it?” Marinette jerked back, genuinely offended.
“It is not! Your stupid face had nothing to do with it! It was the umbrella!” Adrien stared blankly for a minute before he remembered. That was so long ago.
“You’ve been stuck on me all this time because of a stupid umbrella?” Adrien was torn between offense and glee. “All it took was an umbrella?!”
Marinette huffed and tore herself free of his arms as he whined in protest. She stood up, absently reaching down to pull him up too, even as she noticed she was suddenly much colder than before. “Forget it! No babies for you!” Marinette stormed out, completely ignoring their friends and doing a great job at pretending they weren’t there for that whole embarrassing conversation.
“WHAT?! No take backs! You already agreed!” Adrien shouted after her. He quickly grabbed his bag, leaving their photos on the table. “After all this shit, I DESERVE those babies, Mari!” He ran after her.
Alya silently shut off her recording before turning to face Nino and the girls. The four glanced at each other before looking down at the photos they’d left behind. Rose attempted to start a conversation. “Well, at least they’re definitely gonna have cute babies, right?”
Alya didn’t seem to hear her. She silently sank into the seat Adrien had used before staring down at her phone. “What just happened?” She questioned herself. Nino and Sabrina shook their heads. Whatever just happened was too bizarre for anyone else to understand.
Nino scratched his head. “I think… they just agreed to makebabies together?” Alya reared back as though he’d slapped her.
“Nino, we’re 17!” All anyone could do was shrug. Those two had always been a little out there. This wasn’t the craziest things they’d said or done.