Work Text:
When Beca heard the DJ call her name from the stage, she felt like she was suddenly on a rollercoaster after having drank too much soda. Her stomach was in knots and she felt like she could throw up. But it was time. And she had to do this. There was nothing else she could do.
She wouldn’t let herself cry though. They wouldn’t see her cry. She couldn’t let them. They didn’t know how she felt.
Stacie gave her an encouraging smile as she got up from their table against the wall of the bar. She tried to smile back as best she could, but it felt like a grimace and she turned away so Stacie wouldn’t see the way her lips fell and she clenched her jaw to push the lump in her throat down.
The stairs to the stage were worn from the hundreds of people who had sang on this stage exactly as she was going to. Each had their own reasons for visiting a small, college-town dive bar, but Beca felt that she alone was going to use the stage to say goodbye.
The guy manning the karaoke machine glanced at her as she stepped up and handed her the mic. “You sure about this song?” he asked glancing at the sheet in his hand. Beca gripped the mic tightly in her hand and nodded, turning away from him.
The lights dimmed as she approached the mic stand. She avoided looking toward the table she knew they sat at. She could feel their eyes boring into her—heating her from their look alone. Her face reddened.
She knew they wondered why she was up there singing alone. She’d never done that before. Sure, she sang duets and group numbers with other Bellas on karaoke night, but she had never been solo. But no one questioned it when Beca scrawled her name onto the sign-up sheet—fourth to last. No one asked her what she was singing either. If they had, maybe she’d have changed her mind.
She took a deep breath as she scanned the eyes in the crowd. She wouldn’t look at them. That would make her cry, so she just couldn’t do it. After holding her breath for a second, and releasing the tension she held in her shoulders, she nodded to the DJ to start the track.
The first notes of the piano tinkled out of the speakers, and Beca couldn’t convince herself to look up from the floor. She heard the gasp that she knew belonged to Chloe. It was one of Chloe’s favorite sad songs. She’d know every note and every word and every lyric would be whispered along under her breath.
Beca almost whispered the first line of the song. She knew there was no turning back now, and she had lost some of the pain-filled courage she’d sheltered so closely to her heart early that evening. She hadn’t even been drinking when she decided to bare her soul to a crowd of strangers, five friends, and two women she was irrevocably in love with.
Your fingertips across my skin,
The palm trees swaying in the wind,
Images.
Needles pricked the edges of her eyes, but she swallowed the pain down. She needed to do this to be free. Obviously she hated how cliché it was. Singing a song about heartbreak to the two people who had left her heartbroken? If Beca wasn’t in so much pain, she probably would have punched herself. But sometimes clichés were the only things that make sense at the time. And it made her ache all the way down to her bone marrow that she knew they would understand what she was singing.
You sang me Spanish lullabies,
The sweetest sadness in your eyes,
Clever trick.
It had been a clever trick indeed. When she met them, they became her life. Her life was Aubrey and Chloe. She couldn’t have a singing thought without one of their faces being attached to the image. They had blasted through every last one of her self-defenses and how? Beca never could completely understand. And most confusing of all, Aubrey had been the first to do so.
They somehow got each other. Aubrey had a rough childhood with a father who only cared about success. Happiness didn’t factor into the equation when raising a child. Health? Yes. Education? Absolutely. Happiness? Not exactly. So, Aubrey barely had a childhood. It was all school, extracurriculars, and volunteering meant to bulk up a resume. Music had been the only thing to save her. A commonality that eventually brought her and Beca together. The sad sincerity of their understanding formed a stronger bond to Beca’s heart than she ever could have anticipated. Chloe’s melted her own way into Beca’s life not long after. And Beca had melted so willingly. Her mistake.
Well, I never want to see you unhappy,
I thought you’d want the same for me.
Goodbye my almost lover,
Beca found Aubrey’s eyes as she sang. She felt like she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs to push out how strongly she felt about Aubrey. But she sang it softly—quiet anguish. She felt her hand reach towards Aubrey but she caught herself, instead clenching the mic close to her heart as she sang.
Beca’s breath hitched when she caught the understanding in Aubrey’s eyes. Beca couldn’t help but remember the day she’d realized she loved Aubrey Posen.
It had been a Thursday night. Bella’s rehearsal had just finished. Beca was annoyed as hell with Aubrey for the solid hour of cardio she put them through. Chloe was gone that night—something about an evening exam that she couldn’t get rescheduled, so there was no buffer for Aubrey’s special brand of aca-crazy.
They had run rehearsal nearly an hour and a half late. Normally they were done before the sun went down, but that night had been an exception. When left unchecked, Aubrey tended to go overboard.
Beca just finished packing her bag and had slung it across her back when Aubrey asked her to wait for her. Beca did, though she grumbled slightly under her breath that Aubrey was probably going to lecture her about questioning the set list again. To Beca’s surprise, Aubrey was more concerned about Beca’s safety than her stubbornness.
Aubrey walked Beca all the way back to her dorm. Beca didn’t feel it was necessary, but she felt flattered none-the-less. Aubrey joked that it was because she didn’t want Beca to be mistaken for a child and then get kidnapped. Beca had scowled at her before breaking into a smirk and saying Posen was going soft on her.
It had affected Beca deeply though. No one had ever cared about her like that. Beca didn’t stand a chance after that night. Every smile and laugh from Aubrey pounded another nail into the coffin. Every rare touch was another spade of dirt.
Goodbye my hopeless dream,
To the left, Chloe. She was already crying. She knew this song. She knew what was happening. Beca tried to smile at the woman so she’d know that Beca wasn’t mad at her. She could never be mad at Chloe.
She had been so easy to love. Too easy. Beca couldn’t even pinpoint a moment when it happened. Chloe existed to be loved. She radiated warmth and happiness—the brightest light in every room. And she had been Beca’s friend when no one else was.
After Beca had messed with the semi-finals set list, she’d had no one left. Except Chloe. And she’d shown up at Beca’s dorm with cocoa and take out, even after Beca had insulted her. Chloe shrugged it off and told Beca she knew that she wasn’t the best at standing up to Aubrey, but at least she could be a good friend. Chloe always knew what to say or do when it came to making Beca feel better.
That night, Chloe had fallen asleep against Beca’s shoulder. Beca never found the heart to move her. Chloe woke at almost three in the morning to find Beca asleep with her head leaning against the wall, and shivering slightly. When Beca woke the next morning, she was cocooned in blankets with the smell of bacon and coffee in the air. Sitting up, she found that Chloe had left breakfast for her on her desk. If Beca Mitchell could swoon, she might have.
Beca clenched her eyes shut as she sang the rest of the chorus. She knew she was crying now. Seeing Chloe cry always made her cry. There was no stopping it now. The pain built up as she sang so she let her eyes wander the crowd as she sang the second verse. She could see a few people watching. Some looked sad, some concerned. Most weren’t paying attention.
The other Bellas all wore varying degrees of confusion. They knew something important was happening. A few of them were crying, but none of them knew what was going through Beca’s mind. None of them knew she was going to leave. Hell, Chloe and Aubrey didn’t even know Beca was leaving. This song wasn’t about that. It was about release—honesty—closure. She hadn’t told anyone when she made enough money for a plane ticket to L.A., nor had she told anyone when she made the decision to go.
When Beca got to the final bridge of the song, her voice crack with the effort of her emotions. Ever raw, angry and sad feeling she ever felt for these two beautiful, amazing, frustrating women was being funneled through Beca’s small body out into the word.
I cannot go to the ocean,
I cannot drive the streets at night,
I cannot wake up in the morning,
Without you on my mind.
So, you're gone and I'm haunted,
And I bet you are just fine.
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?
When Beca found out that Chloe and Aubrey loved each other—well she’d never felt so stupid or selfish in her whole life. Of course these two would have found each other. And of course that meant they didn’t love her. It was stupid of her to ever consider that maybe she could be happy with them. She never expected it to actually happen, but at least before she knew, there was always that miniscule possibility. And that comforted her.
But it made her feel selfish. If they were happy, she should be happy for them. The real problem was that Beca never thought they would be happy without her. She felt abandoned. But she couldn’t be angry at them. While Aubrey would never be known for her warm and fuzzies, neither woman would ever hurt her intentionally.
Goodbye my almost lover,
Goodbye my hopeless dream,
I’m trying not to think about you,
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
Should’ve known you’d bring heartache,
Almost lovers always do.
The final words were sang to a silent room—barely a whisper. It was like the room froze, and Beca didn’t dare to breathe. A second ticked past, then another before the Bellas burst into cheers, and Beca couldn’t hold back the laughter of surprise at their exuberance. She sniffled and wiped her eyes as she smiled toward the group, momentarily forgetting her sadness in the presence of a cohort of brilliant, beautiful, crazy acapella women who claimed her as theirs.
Her eyes traveled over the group and as she reached the eyes of her captains, her smile fell back inside. She breathed deeply as she hopped down from the stage and returned to her seat between Cynthia-Rose and Fat Amy. She could fell Chloe and Aubrey’s eyes boring holes into the side of her head from down the table, but she didn’t have the courage to face them.
“Damn shorty,” Cynthia-Rose said. “I didn’t know you had it in you. Where the held did that come from?”
“Um, rough week,” Beca laughed quietly. She was embarrassed that she’d cried in front of an audience. She was supposed to badass, but honestly, she knew it had to be done. They needed to know how she felt. And there’s no easy way to go up to the two girls you love and just blurt out that hey, you’re in love with both of them, but you know they’re in a relationship so you’re moving to L.A. because now there is nothing else holding you there.
Beca stayed for two more songs, though she didn’t pay them much attention. She mostly stared at the table and tried to memorize the patterns in the grain while downing every drink that came her way, hoping it would ease the pain. She knew Stacie and CR had sang some raunchy hip-hop song together and that Jessica and Ashley followed an equally embarrassing musical duet, but Beca didn’t care. In the span of those two songs, Beca downed more than five drinks before deciding it was just better to leave before Chloe and Aubrey got their nerve up to confront her. She knew it was stupid as hell to walk home alone after consuming more alcohol than she normal drinks in a month on an empty stomach, but she was feeling the effects and didn’t care.
She tossed down enough cash on the table to cover her part of the tab, but then slipped away from the group. She didn’t want to say goodbye. Goodbyes were too hard, and she already cried enough for one night. They would probably hate her for leaving anyways. At least this way, they wouldn’t miss her so much, if they did at all.
The cool air on her face was a relief when she stepped outside. It cooled the embarrassment form her cheeks and she breathed in deeply relishing in the cold that flooded her body. Now that she was out of the bar, it was amazing how much lighter she felt. She didn’t actually feel any better, but the weight of Aubrey and Chloe finding out was gone, and it was now their move. Beca figured they’d move on.
She was going to miss them—not just Aubrey and Chloe though. All of them. She wasn’t completely delusional. But this was for the best. They’d be better without her, and she could be alone where she wouldn’t get hurt. Chloe and Aubrey probably deserved to be told directly what was going on with her, but Beca couldn’t help her lack of bravery.
The night around her was a comfort as she walked. It let her feel solitary without feeling pathetic. Her tears meant nothing to the moon and stars, and the only witness to her breaking was a silent wind.
When she reached her dorm fifteen minutes later, she could feel the last of her drinks hit her system. It flushed through her quick enough that she struggled when she got to her door. Her vision was blurry from the tequila and tears so she sat down beside her door and hoped that Kimmy Jin would be home soon to let her in. Her head settled back against the cool brick and she closed her eyes to listen to the way her building breathed. She loved old building noises. You’re never alone when your home can speak to you.
It was around midterms too so the normal ambient noises of college dorm were dulled in favor of a quiet study atmosphere. Beca had decided now was probably the best time to drop out. It meant that she didn’t have to do the extra studying.
Her flight left in two days, Sunday. She was going to move all her stuff back to her dad’s place the next day. He was out of town on business with his wife so he wouldn’t even know she was gone until he got back in two weeks. This was easiest. No goodbyes, no family drama, just Beca, her DJ equipment, and a plane ticket.
Footsteps along the hallway alerted Beca to another’s presence. She assumed they were on their way to their dorm so she pulled her knees up and out of the way but instead, she heard a thump as another back hit the wall and then slid down to sit next to her. Beca peaked an eye open to see Aubrey seated next to her on the floor.
“Why are you on the floor?” Beca asked, trying to ignore the dread that was building up in her stomach. She hoped it was dread anyway, and not vomit.
“Why are you?” Aubrey countered. Her face was unreadable. The normally sparkling green eyes were as stoic as ever. It was like back when Beca first met Aubrey, and the blonde hadn’t seen her as anything more than the freshman pain in her ass.
“Touché,” Beca whispered and nodded her head. She gestured toward her door. “I’m too drunk to open my door.”
Aubrey smiled sadly and grabbed Beca’s keys from the hand they were wrapped in. She stood and opened the door. After offering the intoxicated Beca a hand, Aubrey pulled her to her feet and caught her as she swayed slightly.
Beca gasped at the closeness of their bodies and pushed herself back from Aubrey with a grimace. She knew she couldn’t do that. No amount of electricity she felt from the blonde was worth the pain she endured to get close to her.
Aubrey frowned as Beca pushed her away. She wasn’t stupid, she’d understood the message Beca was sending with the song, but it was another thing entirely to experience the rejection.
“Beca,” Aubrey said quietly, reaching a hand after the smaller Bella to help steady her, but also just to offer comfort to the obviously sad girl.
“No, Aubrey,” she said, pulling her arm out of reach. Tears pricked again at the edge of her vision. “I can’t.”
“Can’t what?” Aubrey asked slowly. Her head was tilted to the side, and her voice—Beca would have listened to her talk forever with that voice. Aubrey wasn’t even changing anything, Beca just loved the way Aubrey talked.
“Can I please just go to bed?” Beca whined. She was desperate to get away. She loved Aubrey and being so close to her was killing her.
“I can’t do this!” Beca yelled feeling her frustrations burst at Aubrey. “I can’t, I just can’t.”
Beca submitted to the tears that spilled from her eyes and Aubrey’s heart broke. She knew the other girl hated crying in front of people so she pulled Beca into her dorm away from prying eyes.
“Beca,” Aubrey sighed watching as Beca started to pace the short length of her room. “What’s going on?”
Beca sniffled and swiped at her eyes with her sweatshirt. She didn’t feel like talking about it so she avoided the question. “Where’s Chloe?”
“Parking the car,” Aubrey responded and watched as Beca perched herself on her bed. The room was unmistakably bare on Beca’s side. The only things that remained were her computer and some bedding.
“Becs, please, talk to me,” Aubrey pleaded. She was confused. Beca’s feelings were obvious now, but there had to be more to it for Beca to be pulling herself back from them.
“I don’t want to talk,” Beca said. “I want to drown myself in whiskey and go to bed.”
Aubrey sighed and got up onto the lifted bed with Beca. She leaned up against the wall and noticed how Beca shrunk herself as much as possible to keep from touching Aubrey. Beca had never done that before. In fact, she used to actively seek out affection from Aubrey. It was small and subtle things usually. Beca was never one for over affectionate gestures, but loved the feeling of closeness with Aubrey and Chloe. She’d graze a hand on their arms or in their hair as she passed by. She’d let them rest their head on her shoulder. She even accepted Chloe’s hand holding.
A knock at the door told her that Chloe was finally outside. She called her in and Chloe’s heart nearly broke at the sight of Beca with tears in her eyes. She reached forward to grab Beca’s hand, only to have it yanked away like Beca felt burned. “Don’t,” Beca whispered.
“Beca, tell us what’s going on,” Chloe said and kneeled in front of her to be at face level. “Please. I hate seeing you cry.”
Beca let out a bitter laugh and Chloe recoiled slightly. “You already know so don’t act like you don’t.”
“You’re leaving,” Aubrey said. The boxes in the corner of the room were enough of an indication of that. “What you haven’t told us is why?”
“Do I need a reason?” Beca asked. “I have nothing here.”
“Nothing?” Chloe asked softly. There was a sadness in her eyes that caught Beca’s attention.
“What do I have Chloe?” Her tone was angry. She needed Chloe and Aubrey to admit they understood what was happening—that they knew what they were doing. “I have a father who doesn’t care about me, a friend who only cares about me if I’ll date him, and two people who…”
She couldn’t finish. She knew they knew the rest, but would they make her say it?
“Two people who what?” Aubrey pushed. She needed to hear Beca say it. She needed to hear for herself that Beca loved them.
“Don’t make me say it, Bree, please,” Beca begged with tears dripping down her cheeks.
“Beca, baby,” Chloe said brushing hair to the side of her face. “We just want to help. We hate seeing you in pain.”
“You can’t help me,” Beca said quietly.
“We’d like to try,” Aubrey said laying a hand on Beca’s arm.
“You can’t,” Beca said growing in anger. “How can you when you’re reason I feel like this?”
“Feel like what Beca?” Chloe pushed. They needed Beca to say it before they could do anything. They did know. They didn’t realize it was eating at Beca so much though. They had known she’d felt strongly for them. Aubrey had figured it out fairly quickly after semi-finals. But they thought they had more time.
“I love you damnit,” Beca yelled, sitting up. Aubrey pulled the seething girl into a hug which quickly caused Beca to collapse into tears. “I hate you,” Beca cried into Aubrey’s shoulder. Beca tried to push the older blonde away, but she felt so weak in her anger and sadness that she could only fall limp into Aubrey’s arms.
“I know,” Aubrey cooed softly. She whispered comforts into Beca’s ear as the girl sobbed herself to sleep. Once Aubrey was sure that Beca was asleep she pushed the girl’s hair back and kissed her softly on the forehead. She stared at Beca’s sleeping face, noting how the sadness faded away as she relaxed against Aubrey’s frame.
“We fucked up,” Aubrey said, snaking her arm around Beca’s waist to pull her into a more comfortable sleep position against her. “And now she’s leaving.”
“We should have said something,” Chloe said as she climbed up onto the bed to sit on Beca’s other side. She pulled the younger woman’s hand into her lap and stroked the fingers with her thumb.
“What were we supposed to say?” Aubrey asked looking to her girlfriend. “Hey, we know you love us, but sorry we’re together?”
“You know that’s not what I meant,” Chloe said shaking her head as her shoulders sank. “You have just as strong of feelings for her as I do.”
“And what are we supposed to do about it?” Aubrey said. She gently squeezed Beca as she spoke. Holding the other woman made her feel more peaceful than she had in months, even if it might not last.
“Tell her?” Chloe retorts.
“We tried, remember?” Aubrey said. “But she shut down on us. She found out we were dating and it’s like every wall she had shot straight back up.”
“Can you blame her?” Chloe said. “We spent months flirting with her and never once told her that we were together. Beca doesn’t just let her walls down to anyone Aubrey. We messed up.”
“Well all we can do now is tell her the truth,” Aubrey said and sighed.
“What’s the truth?”
“What do we feel?” Aubrey responded.
“I love her,” Chloe said. “And I want her to be with us.”
“I do too,” Aubrey sighs and she lays another kiss on Beca’s forehead. “God, I love her so much.”
Chloe looks at Aubrey as she says this. The love in her green eyes is undeniable. She looks so soft and kind the way she’s holding Beca. Gently, like she’s breakable and there is nothing more precious in the world. And there isn’t. But she looks scared too.
Chloe couldn’t help but feel the same. She wasn’t even jealous of the way Aubrey was holding Beca. If anything, she felt it was necessary after everything they had put the poor girl through. She couldn’t blame Beca for not feeling like she could talk to them. They had sort of sprung the whole relationship on her. Chloe couldn’t say she wouldn’t have felt the same way that Beca does.
“Should we wake her up?” Chloe asks. Aubrey just shakes her head.
“Do you want to watch a movie then? Beca hasn’t packed up her computer yet, we could probably stream something,” Chloe goes on. She’s too keyed up to sleep as well, but she would rather watch a movie than be alone with her thoughts.
“Sure,” Aubrey whispered. Chloe picked the first thing that popped up on her queue and hit play. It was some detective flick with a recycled plot. Aubrey fell asleep not more than twenty minutes into the film. Her head was resting on top of Beca’s with Beca’s legs swung across her lap. It was so cute that Chloe had to take a picture—she wasn’t sure if it would ever happen again.
When the movie finished, Chloe sighed and turned to her girlfriend and best friend, both still asleep. “Bree,” she whispered softly and touched her shoulder. Aubrey jumped slightly and her eyes flew open. “It’s just me.”
“What time is it?” Aubrey asked and rubbed her eyes with her free hand.
“Just after one in the morning,” Chloe said. “Do you think you can pick her up without waking her?”
“Probably,” Aubrey whispered, but raised an eyebrow at her girlfriend.
“We can’t sleep here, Bree,” Chloe said. “But I don’t want to leave her here alone.”
Aubrey nodded. “Grab her some stuff.”
Chloe dug through a few boxes until she found some sweatpants and a t-shirt they could change Beca into and then grabbed whatever toiletries she could find. She ran to the car with the bag she packed and brought it around to the front of the dorm where Aubrey appeared with a still knocked out Beca in her arms.
Aubrey sat in the back seat with Beca resting against her chest. She ran her fingers through Beca’s hair and couldn’t help the fond smile that captured her lips when Beca pushed herself further into Aubrey.
At the apartment, they had to take the elevator up to their apartment where Chloe opened the door as quietly as she could to let Aubrey in. Beca had yet to stir but the hardest part was yet to come. They weren’t going to make the tiny DJ sleep in her skinny jeans. No matter how drunk you are, that was not comfortable.
Chloe did her best to change Beca into something she could wear to bed while Aubrey got herself ready.
“God, how much did she drink before she walked home?” Aubrey asked when she noticed that Beca still hadn’t so much a fluttered an eyelid.
“I saw her take at least three shots right before she left,” Chloe said. “We shouldn’t have even let her walk home, but she slipped out before we could stop her.”
“Go get ready for bed,” Aubrey said as Chloe let out a long yawn. She nodded quickly and ran off to the bathroom and changed quickly. When she reappeared, Aubrey already had Beca wrapped back up in a tight embrace which made Chloe smile. She knew Aubrey was feeling protective right now and didn’t blame her. She wanted nothing more than to pull Beca into her chest and never let go either. Of the two of them, Aubrey had always been the care-taker. She’d never admit it, but Aubrey always sort of looked forward to when Chloe got sick because it meant that she got to take care of the red-head. Chloe couldn’t say she didn’t sort of look forward to either. It only made sense to Chloe that with Beca vulnerable and hurting, Aubrey would turn herself into a comfort blanket to help her feel better.
Chloe slid into bed on the other side of Beca and wriggled an arm under the freshman’s body to wrap around her waist. Her other arm was flung across the top to rest her hand against Aubrey’s hip.
“We need to tell her the truth,” Aubrey said catching Chloe’s gaze. “First thing in the morning.”
“First thing in the morning,” Chloe agreed then pressed a kiss to Beca’s cheek.
Both girls had laid up for some time thinking about what they would say to Beca in the morning. Neither said anything as the night progressed, they both were too focused on their own thoughts.
Chloe knew she was going to have to spearhead the conversation in the morning. Of anyone’s advances, it would probably be hers that Beca would react most positively to. And Aubrey was nearly as emotionally stunted as Beca was leaving little space for the two to communicate effectively.
She was still in awe of the way Beca sang that night. It had been so raw and powerful. She’d never seen Beca cry before. And when she’d met Chloe’s eyes, Chloe’s heart had sunk into the pit of her stomach. She knew Beca had been hurting, and they’d been trying to rectify that, but neither of them had any clue just how deeply Beca cared about them. What if she changed her mind now? Would she even be open to the idea of the three of them together? Would she even still love the after all the hurt they’d caused her? Thoughts ran through Chloe’s mind for what felt like hours before she finally succumbed to sleep.
Beca woke the next morning cocooned in warmth with a pounding headache. She knew she shouldn’t have had those last five shots. She groaned and tried to put an arm over eyes but found that both of her limbs were stuck. Her eyes shot open when she remembered what had happened the night before. Aubrey and Chloe—in her dorm. She looked around herself and realized that she wasn’t in her dorm at all, and the warmth surrounding her was coming from the bodies of the girls that held her in a vice grip.
Panic built up in her chest as she tried to remember what had happened after Aubrey opened the door for her. There were flashes of them asking her if she was okay, and then all she could remember was crying. She was relieved to know she had clothes on, but slightly unnerved that they weren’t what she remembered wearing.
“Beca,” the body behind her groaned. “I can hear you thinking. Go back to sleep.”
Chloe’s arm wrapped tighter around her waist and she snuggled her head up against Beca’s back. The feel of Chloe’s breath against her neck caused Beca to shiver slightly.
Aubrey stirred at the sound of Chloe’s voice and ended up squeezing Beca tightly as she stretched. Beca almost moaned at first, being pressed so tightly against the blonde, but she’d forgotten just how strong Aubrey actually was.
“Aubrey,” Beca wheezed. “I need to breathe.”
“Sorry,” she said through a yawn as she loosened her grasp on Beca’s waist.
“No offense,” Beca said awkwardly. “But what the fuck am I doing here?”
“You passed out on Aubrey last night,” Chloe said with a sad smile. She tried not to mention the crying, knowing that it would just embarrass Beca, but she could tell from the look in Beca’s eyes that she remembered.
“We didn’t want you to be alone,” Aubrey said. She wanted nothing more than to move closer to the younger Bella. She wanted to pull her close like she had when she was sleeping, but Aubrey had seen those walls shoot straight up the minute Beca gained consciousness. “We were worried.”
“Oh,” Beca said while furrowing her eyebrows. “I don’t really remember much about last night…”
Aubrey swallowed hard. “Beca, you told us you’re leaving,” she said. Her voice was hoarse, like she was trying to hold back tears.
“And you told us that you love us,” Chloe said, gently to not scare Beca off.
“I what?” Beca said and sat straight up. She groaned as the blood rushed to her head and she pressed a palm against her temple. “I’m gonna puke,” she muttered.
“Here,” Aubrey said handing her a ginger ale that she’d placed on the nightstand the night before, anticipating Beca’s hangover. “If you need to use the bathroom, there’s one just behind me.”
“Thanks,” Beca muttered, avoiding her eye.
“Beca,” Chloe said sitting up and placing her hand on Beca’s thigh. The contact startled Beca who shivered and tried to remove her leg from under Chloe’s hand. It caused Chloe to frown. “We need to talk.”
“No,” Beca said. She already knew what they’d say and she didn’t need them to change her mind. “I don’t think we do. I know all I need to do, and I need to go finish packing for LA.”
“Hold on,” Aubrey said. She too placed a hand on Beca’s leg, but with her other hand she guided Beca’s chin to look her in the eye. “Please hear us out.”
Beca remains firm for a minute before relenting and giving a short nod. She was trying not to think about how it felt to have Aubrey so close to her face, guiding her. It caused thoughts she knew she was never safe thinking.
“We know you’ve been hurting recently,” Chloe said trying to get Beca to look at her. “We just didn’t realize how much until last night, and we’re so sorry Beca.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Beca sighed. She didn’t want their apologies anyway. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
“But we have,” Aubrey continues. “We haven’t been completely honest.”
“When we told you about our relationship, it wasn’t with the intention of pushing you away or stopping any of your advance,” Chloe said softly. She let the words sink in for a few seconds before she continued, “We were getting ready to tell you something else.”
This caught Beca’s attention and she looked up curiously at the red-head. Chloe could have sworn she saw a flicker of hope in those dark blue eyes in front of her.
“If you’re just going to reject me, let me save you the trouble,” Beca said quickly. “I’ll leave right now if that is all you were going to do.”
“Will you let me finish?” Chloe smiled at Beca. She was always an impatient one. “We’re not here to reject you. We wouldn’t bring you all the way from your dorm while you were passed out and then sleep with you in our bed to keep you company, if we were going to reject you.”
“You mean…” Beca trailed off.
“Yes, we mean,” Aubrey continued. She was trying not to smile too largely. She could see the hope in Beca’s eyes, but that didn’t mean they were one hundred percent out of the woods. “We love you. I love you Beca. And seeing you cry last night was one of the most painful things I’ve ever witnessed in my life.”
“I love you too,” Chloe adds. “And she’s right. We’re so so sorry for causing you so much pain. We never intended that. We just never knew what to do about you Becs. We both cared about you, but were never quite willing to admit it to each other. We always wanted you with us. It was always our intention to have you with us.”
“We know you want to go to LA,” Aubrey said. “We won’t stop you—”
“We won’t?” Chloe asked suddenly confused about Aubrey’s angle.
“No,” Aubrey said with a pointed look. “If you need to go to LA, you go to LA, but we want you to know before you make your decision, that we love you. We love you so much Beca.”
“The thought of losing you kills me,” Chloe said. Beca examines them while they’re speaking. She can see they are sincere, but does that mean she should stay. Forever, all she has wanted was to go to LA and become a music producer. She never thought she would get to be with them. She didn’t think it was ever even a possibility before she found that they were together. And seeing them together had torn a hole so deep into her chest she was afraid it would never stop bleeding.
“Look Beca,” Aubrey said. “We don’t expect you to make a decision right now, but if you’re willing, we would like you to be with us.”
Chloe notices the guilt in Beca’s eyes before it even registers to Beca that she’s feeling it. “When are you leaving,” Chloe asks cautiously.
“My plane ticket is for tomorrow morning,” Beca answers. Aubrey and Chloe deflate. “I know it’s soon, but when I bought them, I never thought this was a possibility. I wanted to get away as quickly as I could so—”
“So, you wouldn’t have to say goodbye,” Aubrey finished softly. Beca nodded. None of them knew how to proceed from there. Chloe and Aubrey both had to resist the urge to push for an answer right away while Beca had to convince herself to actually think. Her heart screamed with joy that she could stay and be with the people she loved. But she reminded herself that she’d already bought the ticket and she might not ever get this opportunity again. Neither opportunities again…
“Can I just try one thing?” Beca asks quietly. She reaches behind Chloe’s neck and grips her, pulling her face closer. She watches the shock in Chloe’s eyes fade into understanding and then something darker. “Is this okay?” Beca asks. With a nod from Chloe, Beca connects their lips in a heated kiss. Beca feels the way Chloe’s lips press against hers and she doesn’t think she’ll ever feel anything better until Chloe’s tongue begs for entrance. The resulting groan from Chloe and the sudden hands in her hair cause a jolt of white heat to go straight to her core. When Beca finally disconnects her lips from Chloe’s she feels as though the world is spinning and Chloe is the only thing grounding her there.
Behind her, Beca hears Aubrey shuffle slightly so she turns to look at the other woman. Aubrey’s eyes are dark. Much darker than their normal emerald green. Now they more resemble a forest which Beca could get lost in forever. She finds herself leaning toward the blonde, only for Aubrey to grab her by the front of her shirt and crash their mouths together. Beca moans at the clack of their teeth, but can’t help diving into Aubrey. She feels herself being surrounded by arms and pulled into Aubrey’s lap. A gentle nip from Aubrey causes Beca’s hips to jerk involuntarily and Beca moans heatedly when Aubrey slides her leg between her thighs.
Beca soon realizes how quickly they are moving and starts to slow down, trying to catch her breath. That was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She knew deep in her heart she would never be able to choose anything but Chloe and Aubrey. Not if those kisses were any indication. They were it for her.
Aubrey was panting slightly when Beca pulled away.
“That,” Chloe started. “That was so fucking hot.”
Beca couldn’t help the laugh that left her chest. Of course, that’s what Chloe would think. Beca nearly dry fucks her girlfriend right in their bed, and all Chloe can think of is how hot they are.
“Is that a yes?” Aubrey asked after recovering her breath, eyes still dark but sparkling with what Beca can only interpret as hope.
“Honestly,” Beca said. “I don’t think I would ever be able to choose anything else.”
Chloe surges forward and captures Beca in a vice grip as she laughs. But as suddenly as she’s there, she’s gone and Beca feels a slap across her arm.
“What the fuck was that for?” Beca yelps, glaring at Chloe.
“That’s for walking home drunk alone,” Chloe said and then slaps her other shoulder. “And that’s for scaring the shit out of us making us think you’re going to leave.”
“I’m sorry,” Beca said softly, turning to stare at the sheets she was threading between her fingers.
“No honey,” Aubrey said shooting a momentary look at Chloe. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know, and for that we’re sorry. We have a lot to make up for.”
“What?” Beca said. “No, you haven’t done anything wrong. Look, did this all suck, yes, but will I be okay now, yeah probably, at least so long as you’ll still have me.”
“Becs, we’re not giving you up any time soon,” Chloe said.
Aubrey smiled and placed a kiss on Beca’s lips—loving and full of promise. “You’re ours now.”