Work Text:
The adults in Little’s life had painted a somewhat confusing picture of dragons. Little’s mother often asked them to pray for his uncle. She would say that he was doing a dangerous job because every day he risked being eaten alive by the beast he was tied to. His grandmother threatened to leave him out with the livestock to be eaten if he misbehaved and his father often spoke of them as creatures of warfare with sharp teeth and talons, kept under control with a hand of steel.
All of this sharply contrasted with his uncle’s stories. His uncle, supposedly one of those handlers, who was in actuality an affectionate man who would always swoop Little up in a warm hug when he came to visit and had fascinating stories of flying over the clouds on dragon back during a storm or being able to see from miles away on sunny days.
But for all his wonderful storytelling, his uncle wasn’t much of an artist and the only solid image of dragons that Little had available to him was a small copy of a painting of Saint Michael and the dragon, which his parents kept tucked inside their bible and the dragon’s ferocious look and open jaw made him rather nervous. As a result, for the first few years of his life, Little imagined dragons to be unpredictable beasts and his uncle the brave, albeit odd man that had managed to keep one tamed.
The first time he met Immortalis, was rather underwhelming. His uncle had been forced to stop at the house on his way to another covert so it was the first times that he visited with his dragon. Through the window, Little only saw a large shadow briefly blotting out the sun before landing in the courtyard at the back of the house. There was a flurry of noise in the corridor, their cook and only maid very agitated, and his grandmother had cut their lesson short, eager to get back to her own rooms for once. Everyone had seemed so nervous that despite his initial instinct to run outside and look, Little went up to his rooms instead and leaned outside his windows, from which he had a clear view of the courtyard.
The dragon was not the terrifying beast he had imagined so many times. He was smaller and less ferocious looking. The yellow scales were shining under the sun, he almost looked made of gold, and Little was left awestruck. He watched in fascination as his crew gave him water before he stretched out languidly on the ground, perfectly patient, perfectly calm. His uncle found him still half-hanging from his window, watching in fascination.
“Would you like to come see him?”
It had been too good to be true and since his uncle had been captain for years without losing so much as a limb, he figured he would be safe with him. He had taken Little by the hand and gently led him right up to the dragon napping on the grass.
“Immortalis! May I introduce to you Augustine Little, my nephew.”
Immortalis tilted his head to examine him more closely, causing a shiver to run down Little’s spine, not out of fear but excitement. He was delighted and without even realising it, stepped away from his uncle’s side and closer to Immortalis. The yellow reaper inclined his head to let Little place a hand between his eyes and excitement turned to joy, spreading throughout his body at the feel of the rough scales underneath his palm. To see so much tenderness in someone so powerful had been a religious experience, there was no other way to put it.
He was slightly disappointed when his parents rushed out a few minutes later and his father sharply told him to step back, but his uncle had been smiling brightly at him, so Little was comforted to know that he had not done anything wrong.
Scarcely a year later, he was sent to Loch Laggan to join the aerial corps. He heard that his parents had hesitated a long time before making the decision, initially preferring to send him to church to become a priest. Little’s uncle had been the one to convince them, explaining that, as his most direct family member within the corps, Little’s captaincy was all but guaranteed since he would be the one to replace him with Immortalis. This had been a decent amount of prestige in their eyes to make up for the danger and their decision was made.
Life at the covert was radically different than at home. In the morning, breakfast was eaten quickly, efficiently, without pausing for prayer beforehand. After that it was school all morning to study the different signals, the formation, some basic maths and most importantly the different types of dragons. Afternoons were dedicated to more physical training like practicing to use a harness or going rock climbing.
Little had joined slightly later compared to the other kids and was rather new to so much physical exercises but what he lacked in physical prowess he made up in determination. He met Chenery on his first week, when the other boy was nice enough to wait for him at the top of the cliff and offered him a few tips. That evening, Little gave him his desert as a thank you and they were fast friends after that.
The most important thing he discovered however, was that dragons were nothing like the savage beasts his parents had described. He watched captains climb all over their dragons, have conversations – sometimes debates – and even fall asleep on them without a care in the world. There was also the matter of one of their teachers being a dragon, and Celeritas did not act like he had humans for breakfast. Within his second week, he understood the stories had been outright wrong when one of the longwings refused to eat for a whole day because her captain had a cold.
After that, like most cadets he found himself longing for this connection between captain and dragon, but the fear of being eaten was replaced with a different sort of anxiety altogether. Because in order for Little to become captain, he would have to be replacing his uncle. Would Immortalis resent him for it? His uncle might have chosen him, but would Immortalis make the same choice?
In those times of peace, his uncle frequently flew up from Dover on weekends, mostly under the pretext of familiarising Immortalis with Little. These visits were always the highlight of Little’s week, but the full weight of their final purpose now loomed over his excitement like a dark cloud.
“Immortalis understands the requirements of the service” his uncle reassured him when he brought it up “And do not worry yourself, he would have let you know if he didn’t like you.”
It was true that if Immortalis disliked or resented him, he gave no sign of it. In fact, he even seemed to enjoy his company. He liked watching him sketch and often invited him to help his uncle with cleaning his harness or simply to practice his signals and maths with him. Still, Little was careful not to overstep. He never climbed on Immortalis without his uncle around and always waited for a sign from the dragon before getting closer. It wasn’t until a full year passed that Immortalis found a way to unequivocally let him know he was welcome.
It was after a long day of training. He remembered going over to Immortalis’ clearing, settling down next to his uncle to listen to his latest story and closing his eyes, just for a moment, to ease the pounding in his head. When he woke up, it was almost dark and a crew member was lighting torches in the clearing. He was laying on Immortalis’ foreleg and someone, most likely his uncle, had covered him with a coat. Immortalis bent his head to look at him closely when he sat up.
“Ah! You’re awake. Your uncle went to get dinner for the both of you”
Little nodded, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and was about to roll off, when Immortalis nudged him.
“Stay” he said
The gentle command made Little’s heart beat faster with happiness and he laid back down, pressing a hand against the warm scales, suddenly very aware of the sound of his breathing in the air. He felt Immortalis move beneath him, shifting them closer together.
“We both love him” said Immortalis, suddenly “and you will not replace him, but there is no one I would rather have to succeed him”
He counted two heartbeats before he processed the words properly. The tight knot lodged in his stomach unravelled and he exhaled sharply almost laughing. Somehow, the words were exactly what he needed to hear. He closed his eyes against the tears of relief that threatened to spill out and pressed himself even closer, as close to a hug he could get.
The only reminder that there was a time before Immortalis, the covert and the other dragons were the letters from his mother, mostly reminding him to go to church and worrying about his mortal soul. At first, Little had been diligent, to the confusion of Chenery. He would pray every night before going to bed and go to church every Sunday mornings. There rarely ever was a service at the small church of the covert, but even so he stayed as long as a service usually took.
But the more time passed, the more he started slipping. One prayer every night turned to once a week then to none at all. And the less time spent on prayer, the less he knew what to say to his mother. In truth, dragons made him feel more wonder than his faith ever had. Although he could not pinpoint what exactly, something about his time spent in prayer, about his faith even, made him feel lonely, uneasy. He hadn’t even realised how much he dreaded priesthood until he was overwhelmed by a sensation of relief at the news that he would be joining the corps with dragons he believed could eat him.
He had more love for Immortalis and the other dragons than he had for his God. More than blasphemy, it was treason.
Mostly out of guilt, he still spent most of his free time in the little chapel of the covert. He was almost the only one to use it, but that was fine with him, it gave him some time alone. He spent his time ducked between the pews, leafing through the bible his parents had gifted him when he left, searching for a similar feeling of wonder within the pages. Eventually, he spent less time reading and more time sketching in the margins, which did nothing to absolve him of his confusion.
It’s only after he made midshipman, when Rogers, a fellow aviator, threw and arm around his shoulders, knocking their foreheads together in celebration and his heart skipped a beat in anticipation that it dawned on him. Later that evening he opened his bible again and re-read the line that had bothered him so much: “You shall not lie down with a male, as with a woman: this is an abomination”. He ripped out the page. He could never be completely loyal to a God who had broken his heart.
XX
Telling Immortalis was the obvious decision. Perhaps part of him knew he would not reject him for that, but more importantly should it have led to his death he would not have cared. He owed him this, before any sort of partnership was created, before he chose to bind all of his affections on him.
The day he officially became Immortalis’ captain, Little dressed up in his finest uniform and, heart thundering in his chest, confessed everything to him. The dragon regarded him patiently as he stuttered through his explanation, only to nudge him affectionately when he finally lapsed into a mortified silence.
“I fail to see how this reflects on how good a captain you are”
“It felt dishonest to keep this from you. You would be just as affected should someone find out, you know, the law –”
“Oh yes, the law” Immortalis snorted in dismissal. “My first concern is your happiness, I shan’t let a foolish law get in the way. I will stomp on anyone who tries to take you away.”
Much as the words sounded treasonous, Little could not ignore the happy flutters in his stomach at the protective display and he leaned on the warm hide affectionately, the tension in his chest easing until he could breathe easy again.
“You do not know how reassuring it is to hear you say so” he sighed
Little had always been of a more reserved nature and so discretion came easily to him. He was not ashamed, far from it, but his few relations always took place behind closed doors and preferably with a fellow captain who would also benefit from their dragon’s protection. Immortalis disapproved of his solitary tendencies. He strongly advocated for Little to find someone - someone human - to confide in.
“Your uncle always said that human companionship keeps the mind sane” he insisted.
His first suggestion was that he and the other captains start some sort of club in solidarity, but he quickly dropped the idea when Little pointed out that this carried a lot of risk because should one of them be found out, the others would quickly follow. His second suggestion, the one he fixated on more intently, was Chenery. He brought it up regularly, firmly but gently, despite Little’s categorical refusal, and more than once, Little caught him testing the waters with the man, especially by interrogating his dragon, Dulcia.
But he never said or did anything incriminating and overall, his discretion was exemplary for a dragon. It made Little’s heart flutter happily to be accepted and dotted on so, but still he refused to budge on the issue. No one else could know. If sometimes, in the early mornings, he did feel a pang of longing when he woke up to an empty bed, the secrecy was well worth it, for Immortalis’ sake. Augustine could well and truly call himself content.
Of course it was too easy to last. They were in the midst of celebrating Captain Roland’s birthday. The evening had been spent in heavy drinking and dodging Chenery’s various attempts to aim some of their fellow aviators his way. It was probably why his every movement seemed so sluggish, why every word seemed so hard to articulate and it was undeniably why Little had been stupid enough to let it slip that no, Lieutenant Richards is not my type because she isn’t a man.
Chenery stared at him and Little didn’t know whether the redness on his face was anger, alcohol or both. His heart dropped somewhere around his knees and he was frozen on the spot. He should say something, or do something, anything. Running to Immortalis seemed the most reasonable plan, if he could even make it out of the room with Chenery blocking the door.
“You … like men?”
Little saw the moment the realisation fully sank in. Chenery’s eyes widened and he kicked the door of Little’s room closed with one foot. He took a step forwards, a hand outstretched and Little stepped backwards, only to stumble on a stray chair. Chenery caught him by the arm before he could fall to the ground.
“You like men!”
Chenery suddenly slumped forward, wrapping an arm around Little’s shoulders for supports and leaning on him with his full weight. Out of reflex, Little caught him around the waist only to almost drop him when, to his utter astonishment, Chenery started laughing.
“That explains it!” he raised his head again from where it had fallen on Little’s shoulder to look him in the eye “Of course you’re not interested in women! I would have found one to catch your eye otherwise.”
“No, no. That is not what I meant, I merely wanted – I’m not exactly - You just need not waste your time on me, is all I meant” The argument, stuttered out and fragmented, was unconvincing and Little wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole this instant.
“Nonsense! One does not abandon fishing merely because they were in the wrong pond!”
Suddenly animated by some supernatural strength, Chenery straightened up and clapped Little on the back, hard, before throwing the door open and stumbling out. He promised loudly that everything was under control, startling a servant coming down the corridor. Little gave him a tight, apologetic smile, and quickly ducked back in his room.
It was not possible to go after Chenery now, the conversation had lost any chance to be private. The room felt too hot, the walls seemed to close in on him and the space too small to pace. He grabbed his coat and fled for Immortalis’ clearing.
They were scheduled for patrol the next morning. Between that and the pounding between his ears there was very little time to worry. The main piece of gossip amongst his officers was Lieutenant Mathews’ near death experience due to a bet he could scale the building, and Augustine ruefully told himself that so long as no one came to arrest him then Chenery had probably kept the newfound piece of knowledge to himself.
By the time they landed again, the day was blistering hot. After long hours of flying under the sun with not so much as a breeze to help them, they were all soaked with sweat and Little immediately concerned himself with getting Immortalis comfortable.
“Joy, are you hungry? I could ask someone to bring you a cow if you do not feel like hunting.”
The dragon settled down, stretching himself on the cool ground in the shade of the clearing and spreading his wings.
“I am perfectly comfortable, do not worry” He yawned tremendously, and added “there’s someone here to see you.”
Chenery ducked under Immortalis’ wing, looking as cheerful as ever.
“What is your opinion on Captain Tomson?” he asked without preamble, “A rather handsome fellow isn’t he?”
Little was taken aback and above him, Immortalis hissed in surprise when he realised what they were talking about. He curled himself more tightly about them to shield them from eavesdroppers, and curled his head in towards them.
“Chenery knows? Augustine, why didn’t you tell me?” he asked sounding vaguely reproachful.
“It was a rather unexpected development” he replied faintly and ignored Immortalis’ noise of inquiry to turn back to Chenery.
“How on earth did you - ?”
Because yes, Little had had a tryst or two with Captain Tomson, but only because the man was just as discreet as he was. He could not for the life of him imagine how Chenery could have found out about his inclinations in one night. His friend merely waved a hand, dismissively.
“I have my ways. Do not worry about it”
His face suddenly took a more serious edge and he leaned closer.
“In case my meaning wasn’t clear yesterday”, he smiled sheepishly at Little’s astonished look, “Yes, yes, I realise how it might not have been in the circumstances, but you need not fear anything from me. Your secret is in good hands.”
He threw an arm around Little’s shoulders and squeezed affectionately.
“My only regret is all that time wasted! I could have found you he perfect gentleman by now! But, worry not, I will make up for the lost time”.
He had a sly, self-satisfied expression, grinning at Little as if he had found a gold mine. Augustine tugged at his shirt nervously. It was a better reaction then he could ever have anticipated, but he still found himself hoping Chenery’s attentions would quickly move on once the novelty had passed.
Xx
Chenery was a break in his well-established routine. He would throw and arm around his shoulder and nod at a passing captain, waggle his eyebrows at him from the other side of the room, whistle in congratulations when Little would join him at breakfast in the morning after an escapade. All seemingly insignificant details that had Little jumping out of his own skin for the first few months. He had been so used to keeping only to himself that now it suddenly felt like everything was out in the open.
But aviators were a more sociable bunch than the other branches in the military or even society in general. Exhausted captains asleep against each other in the break room, arms slung over shoulders, clasping hands together to help sling each other in harness and even the occasional shoulder brush at a crowded dinner or card game, were all behaviors within the bounds of acceptability and Chenery’s antics fell squarely within them. And the man was more attentive than he let on. He was quick to change conversations that ventured into dangerous territory and more than once he provided a helpful distraction which allowed Little to slip away discreetly with a partner. Little eventually stopped checking over his shoulder every time Chenery made a comment.
“Hobbs, really?” whined Chenery over cards one evening “But he’s got that terrible beard! Handsome face like yours, surely you can do better than that.”
It took all of his control not to roll his eyes skyward at his friend’s put off expression. They were in Immortalis’ clearing, the crew had gone back inside for the evening and they were shielded from sight and eavesdroppers. He had gotten used to Chenery’s ribbing by now and, in quiet moments like these, even found himself playing along.
“He’s a perfectly nice man, there’s no need nor place to be vain.”
“But truly, my dear, even with that nose, you’re quite the catch”
Chenery snickered at Little’s outraged expression and expertly dodged the cup thrown his way in retaliation.
“Perhaps I should go talk with Captain Hobbs, instead,” huffed Little, “He, at least, will not say such hurtful things!”
Chenery chuckled again, but straightened suddenly in interest, dropping his cards to the side.
“So… are you going to see him again?” he asked, an eyebrow raised suggestively.
“No. At least not that I know of.”
Chenery slumped, as if in disappointment. Immortalis, who until now had remained silent and whom Little believed to be asleep, suddenly spoke up.
“It’s like I told you, he refuses to find himself a permanent mate.”
“Yes, I’m starting to see that”
“What’s this, then?” asked Little, gaping simultaneously at Chenery and Immortalis in astonishment.
“It’s just something we’ve noticed. After all the ones I have sent your way I would have thought you would have found one to your liking.”
Chenery was indeed a scarily efficient wingman considering how hard it was to find fellows like him, and no matter how much Little pried he always refused to tell him how he did it. It was annoying. And yet, part of Little was terribly pleased to have an ally. It felt good to have someone who knew, less lonely. Being able to talk made him feel almost normal, like what he was doing wasn’t there wasn’t punishable by death, which is perhaps why instead of dismissing the subject Little found himself answering seriously.
“I’m afraid a relationship is not a possibility”
“What? You do not mean to tell me that you do not want one?”
“No, that is not the issue.”
“Then what’s stopping you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous” snapped Little, “it is hard enough for an aviator, what makes you think my being an invert makes it any easier?”
Little felt strangely hot, throat suddenly dry and he poured himself another glass of wine. A long term relationship was a foolish fantasy. A captain’s loyalty was always first and foremost to his dragon, it was cruel to put anyone in second place, and the demands of the job would result in frequent separations anyways. So instead, Little settled for the same compromise as most men in his situation: the occasional relation when it got lonely, comfort that carried as little risk as possible. Balance between happiness and protecting your dragon.
“Besides, I don’t know anyone who would be interested” he added after downing the drink.
Chenery stole the bottle from his hands and leaned back against Immortalis, studying him closely.
“Come now, there has to be someone”
“Augustine likes them tall” hummed Immortalis
“Does he now?” echoed Chenery with glee.
“Yes, thank you!” interrupted Little
He threw a glare at Immortalis, but his traitorous dragon was unperturbed and merely huffed a breath in amusement, ruffling his hair. Thankfully the conversation quickly moved on afterwards, but Little still caught Chenery throwing several speculative glances his way and knew this probably wasn’t the end of it.
XX
His assignment to the new longwing formation was unexpected, but welcome. Another longwing formation was good news for the war in general, but more selfishly being sent away from the front for training was a relief. Loch Laggan was like the eye of a storm. The calm Scottish pastures gave the illusion of peace, and even the intense training was less grueling then the long hours spent on high alert at the coverts along the coast. Little was looking forward to it and even Immortalis admitted it would be a nice change of pace.
The trouble was, they were welcomed upon arrival by a lieutenant whom Little found absolutely jaw-dropping. All thoughts of enjoying this break from the war evaporated. Tall and with a sun-speckled face, he introduced himself as John Granby and it took all of Little’s self-restraint not to stutter through his own introductions. Even as Granby led him to his room, cheerfully pointing out various things around the covert, Little could only manage various noises of agreement. It was ridiculous to be so tongue-tied, he was no longer a boy.
Chenery arrived a day later and they went to the mess for dinner. Granby was there. He smiled brightly at Little when their eyes met, and Chenery, who knew him far too well, pounced immediately at this sign of interest.
“So I see you’ve met lieutenant Granby?”
“Briefly,” insisted Little, “he was nice enough to show me around”
Chenery hummed speculatively.
“I think he’s just your type, tall, lanky, blue eyes for days –“
Little kicked him under the table and Chenery laughed, flicking a piece of bread at him. It escalated into a bout of roughhousing until Rankin cleared his throat pointedly at them and they changed subject to talking about the war.
Getting used to a new formation was a lot of hard work, Celeritas pushed them hard, and yet, he still saw plenty of Granby. The man would appear in Immortalis’ clearing after a bout of formation flying or at his side at dinner. He was always cheerful and Little quickly started looking forward to seeing him, eventually managing to string more than two words together.
“He is very nice” commented Immortalis, eventually.
Granby had just passed by to bring them some water after a long day in the hot sun. One thing Little always appreciated was that he would always think of Immortalis and spare an effort for him too. It was a small detail, unnecessary since Immortalis already had a whole crew to take care of him, but it tugged nicely at Little’s heartstrings.
“Yes, I quite like him”
Immortalis looked at him closely, tilting his head as if searching for something.
“I like his methods” he hummed eventually.
Before Little could ask what he possibly meant by this, Immortalis laid down on the ground and announced some spots of his harness needed fixing. Afterwards he shooed him away to wash up as well and Little quickly forgot about the cryptic remark, brushing it off as a result of their long day.
But soon after, on one of their rare afternoons of liberty, Little was sketching, sat crossed legged on Immortalis’ back whilst his dragon was taking a nap. He was so engrossed in his sketch of Immortalis flying over the Scottish countryside that he did not hear Granby climb up to him and his voice seemingly came out of nowhere.
“I didn’t know you could draw!”
Little startled out of his skin, pitching himself backwards. He would have tumbled off Immortalis’ back if Granby hadn’t caught him, laughing. Little felt Immortalis shift slightly below them and understood at once that the dragon had purposefully let Granby up to see him without warning him. Chenery had probably put him up to this. Little would have words with the both of them later.
“Apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you,” said Granby
“No no, you did nothing wrong, I simply wasn’t paying attention”
Granby sat down in front of him, and gestured at the sketches.
“May I?”
Little nodded in permission. There wasn’t much to see, mostly drawings of Immortalis, Chenery and Dulcia and, thankfully, enough sketches of other aviators that Granby’s portraits looked inconspicuous.
“You have quite an eye for detail”
“I’ve had a lot of practice” he explained, a bit lamely in his opinion, but what else was he supposed to say? “It’s how I spend most of my free time.”
Granby nodded seriously, then looked up from the sketches and at him through his lashes. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, almost faltering before bracing himself.
“I have some of my own sketches in my room. If you would like to come see them.”
Little’s heart stuttered. Was that? It sounded like an invitation, but for what? Granby very possibly had sketches of his own that he wanted to show him… He swallowed nervously and licked his lips, suddenly dry, noticing how Granby’s gaze immediately dropped to them to follow the movement. It eased some of the doubt, but his hesitations were cut short, when under them, Immortalis decided now was the right time to stop sleeping and twisted his head to look at them.
“Do go on, Augustine, I think I will get myself something to eat” he declared.
They disembarked. Immortalis nudged Little forward gently so he was standing next to Granby. He really wasn’t being subtle and Little felt himself flush slightly in embarrassed amusement at his dragon playing matchmaker, but surprisingly, it made him feel braver. As soon as he flew off, Little turned to Granby and nodded, telling him to lead the way. Granby’s smile was brilliant.
The first time they kissed, Granby was so thorough Little went weak to the knees. The next day, Granby stayed until he woke up to drop another kiss to his lips and whisper a quick good morning against them before rolling out of bed. It was nice, and sweeter than anything he’d experienced before.
That day, he took his breakfast outside to Immortalis’ clearing, feeling so lightheaded with happiness he wanted to keep it for himself. Immortalis had just come back from his own morning meal and was diligently licking his talons cleans. Little knew he had been waiting for him when the dragon immediately lifted his head in excitement at his approach and beckoned him further. He lowered his head at eye level with Little and closed his wings around them, humming in apparent satisfaction
“You seem in a good mood this morning”, he said conspiratorially, trying to whisper.
“That’s because I am” he smiled, patting his muzzle “I had a very pleasant evening”.
“With the Lieutenant?”
“Yes” he admitted.
“Good, good” Immortalis nudged him affectionately, then took a more serious tone “He did seem quite adequate. For the next times, I of course expect you to let me know if you intend to disappear for the night, Augustine”
Little laughed, startled and slightly embarrassed. He most certainly did not need to be chaperoned, not by a dragon nonetheless, but instead of the protests on the tip of his tongue what came out instead was
“Joy, what makes you think there will be a next time?”
Immortalis sighed at him, as if impatient but fond all at once, something Little knew he has picked up from his uncle.
“Denial is not a good look on you, Augustine” he snorted in what was meant as a chuckle at Little’s sound of indignation, “Now, would you be so kind as to have a look at my harness? It’s been itching around the foreleg”.
XX
He told himself that his and Granby’s relationship was born out of convenience. They were both going to be at Loch Laggan for a while and they liked each other so it worked out. He deliberately ignored the satisfied glances Chenery threw his way whenever he and Granby would spend time sketching together near the feeding enclosure, or the overwhelming sense of calm when they went for walks together, or even when they just sat next to each other at dinner, Granby placing a warm hand on his knee under the table. All insignificant details.
They were friends, no doubt about it, and he hoped they would remain so whenever whatever this was had to end. But they never discussed the specifics of their relations and that was for the best. It made it easier to ignore the flutters when Granby always made sure to wish him a good day in the mornings, or the waves of fondness whenever his more competitive and stubborn side would rear its head, like during a game of ball or after the arrival of a new dragon with his captain stolen from the navy. He found Granby’s complaining particularly amusing, especially when he kept it up solely out of pride when the man proved to be a perfectly adequate aviator.
“The two of you will be great friends, I’m sure” he teased, loving the way Granby’s cheeks went red.
But then, Temeraire and Maximus were sent on an urgent rescue mission and Granby’s first reflex once he was done with his duties was to barge into Little’s room. He was sat on his bed sketching and Granby simply dropped down next to him, draping himself over Little’s lap, sighing with exhaustion.
“You will never guess what just happened” he declared, before launching himself into his story.
He was practically falling asleep and not really coherent, but Little understood the gist of it and merely hummed in agreement at the appropriate times. A brief shiver of fear struck him when Granby explained how Laurence had been fixing the main harness. He was suddenly grateful, irrationally so, for the man’s quick action. The thought of the main harness snapping and an entire crew – of Granby – falling to their death and during a simple rescue mission on British soil was terrifying. But such were the risks of the service, weren’t they?
“He was fine of all things. The fool almost falls to his death and he acts like it was all in day’s work”
Granby sounded so mystified Little was tempted to point out that Laurence had been a captain for a long time now so of course that came with some amount of courage, even if it was in another branch of the military. He smoothed a hand in Granby’s hair, pushing away any thoughts of what ifs, focusing on the brown curls between his fingers instead.
“I told you the two of you would be friends” he teased, gently.
Granby mumbled something, probably a protest, but Little merely placated him by patting him on the head.
“Yes, yes, get some sleep now”
It was several hours later, after Granby had gone back out to try and convince Laurence to get some rest himself, that Little was struck by how domestic it had all been and how much he had been comfortable in that moment. He was pressed to admit that perhaps, this relationship went deeper than he though which struck a deep, fearful cord within him. How had it snuck up on him like that?
Not wanting to be left alone with the terrifying truth, he sought out Immortalis’ company that night and the dragon immediately picked up on his agitation.
“I fail to see the problem with that” said Immortalis when he told him.
“It won’t last.” Insisted Little
Immortalis stared at him, crossing one foreleg over the other in his signature disapproval gesture. Even as an adult it made Little feel chastised.
“Augustine.” He said, “You like the man. He likes you. Allow yourself to enjoy that and whatever happens, happens.”
Little sighed and slumped against him.
“You are probably right”
“Mmmm, I know I am” he said, curling his tail around them.
Feelings or not, it didn’t change anything, it couldn’t change anything. He knew the other shoe would drop soon enough, and drop it did, in the form of a Chinese delegation no less.
“We have to leave at dawn, dawn! Can you imagine? I will tell you this, Augustine, no matter what navy men think, they at least have to admit that dragons are far more practical since we can just leave at any time!”
Granby had entirely forgone his packing in favor of complaining so Little had taken over for him, shoving a few pieces of clothing and some sketching material in the bag. He did not envy Laurence at all, the poor man would probably spend the trip playing mediator, even if he did envy him the privilege of keeping Granby by his side. He ignored the stab at his heart at the thought and shoved it aside, knowing these feelings were childish.
“Best get to sleep early then” He said, closing the bad tightly, “Wouldn’t want you to miss the departure”.
He tried to keep his tone light, teasing but he wasn’t sure whether he was successful. Granby paused in his speech and looked at him, something indescribable flickering on his face before he smiled tenderly at Little, catching one of his hands between his.
“Stay with me?” He asked
Little knew he would miss him, would miss this, there was no pretending about that. So he stayed. He was wide awake most of the night, listening to Granby’s heartbeat and watching the calm rise and fall of his chest, trying over and over to find the words he would use to say goodbye but nothing seemed satisfactory. So he said nothing and pretended not to stir when Granby rolled out of bed at dawn. He waited long after Granby had placed a soft kiss on his forehead, slipped out of the room and closed the door behind him to open his eyes and whisper it to the darkness.
“Safe travels”
XX
Little hated to think of himself as lovelorn but once Granby was gone, he was hit with the realisation of how much time he truly spent with the man. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself and more than once, he caught himself brooding.
Chenery, thank goodness, said nothing on the matter and tried to keep him distracted with gossip from the other coverts. Immortalis was also determined to keep him from moping, and decided all of the sudden he wanted to try out Temeraire’s bathing routine. Little was very sceptical at first, but as he wiped the yellow scales dry afterwards and Immortalis announced he felt like a young dragon again, he thought to himself, why not. And it did get him to stop thinking about Granby for a whole afternoon.
He hoped to see Granby when they caught up with the HMS Allegiance but quickly dismissed that. They didn’t stay long, and there was too much to do. In the end he could only catch quick glimpses of him. It was for the best, they had told their goodbyes, it would only be reopening the wound.
The real distraction came in the cruelest possible way.
Immortalis started coughing within two days of their return, and within a week his appetite was completely gone. At first, Little managed to get him to eat a few bites by promising not to eat himself until he did. He quickly stopped however when Immortalis started throwing up after his meals and with mounting panic, Little watched him get thinner and thinner until the skin along the ribcage looked stretched thin against the bone. The harness was practically hanging off of him and Little had it removed in an attempt to make him more comfortable. He was too weak to fly in any case.
He and Chenery moved Immortalis and Dulcia to a clearing big enough for the two of them, so they could take turns sleeping and watching over them. In all their years of friendship, it was the most time they spent without exchanging a word.
A small, selfish, part of him was relieved it was an epidemic, at first, because it meant the doctors would make finding a cure their priority. This was not a solitary case, not something they could dismiss so they would study it, find a cure, cure Immortalis and everything would go back to normal. Except it didn’t.
After what seemed like the 100th failed attempt and the doctor announced more testing was required, Little snapped. He kicked a spare harness strap lying around narrowly missing the doctor’s head. Unnecessarily brutal but oh so satisfying for a brief moment. It was unfair that he got to walk away every time and come back with false promises when all Little could do was sit there and wait.
The man barely flinched, apparently used to being almost assaulted by distraught captains by now, but Chenery intervened, catching him around the waist and dragging him backwards. He was pale and red eyed himself, but somehow managed to keep himself in check. Little found himself with a cup of rum in his hands, then another, and another, then they were both laying on the grass, watching the stars spin above them to the rhythm of their dragon’s rattling breath.
Immortalis berated him the next morning and it was the most animated Little had seen him in weeks, so despite knowing he should feel chastised it was the best thing to happen to him all week. Chenery seemed to agree with him, having been similarly doted on, and drinking became their new pastime as they lied in wait for something, anything to happen.
Somewhere between the worry, two bottles of wine and the enraged sobbing, Granby reappeared with a beautiful Kazilik in tow. At any other time, in any other circumstances, Little would have been ecstatic for him, would have congratulated him and asked for the full story. As it was, he could only listen to the small, ugly part of him that was furious at Granby for simply waltzing back into his life and jealous of his perfectly healthy dragon.
Granby, in an attempt to coax him away for some rest or a non-alcoholic distraction, made the mistake of inviting him to meet Iskierka.
“Why don’t you fly off to the other end of the world and leave us. It worked out great for you the first time”. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.
“This wasn’t very nice” whispered Immortalis, the sound of his voice rattling in his throat, after Granby had gone.
“I have bigger things to worry about now”
“I do not want you to push your friends away on my behalf. It is not good to be alone in difficult times.”
Little wanted to tell him that he wasn’t alone, that he had him and that was all he ever needed but Immortalis would not have it. He insisted Little apologise and when he refused to leave his side eventually agreed that – for the moment – a letter would suffice. Granby was perfectly courteous about it and responded that he understood. Paradoxically, this small bit of kindness made Little want to cry again and he buried himself closer to Immortalis’ side.
When Temeraire did not fall ill and they came up with the crazy theory that an actual cure may be found on the African continent of all places, he tried not to get his hopes up, but couldn’t help but feel relieved to hear they would be going along with their formation. If a cure were to be found, then Immortalis would be one of the first to get it. He would survive, he would heal.
“See, now we’re the ones to sail to the other side of the world”, said Immortalis.
On his first full flight, Little started laughing maniacally which quickly turned into crying again and he laid down against Immortalis’ neck, swallowing big gulps of air between sobs and burying his face into the warm scales. Immortalis twisted slightly trying to look at him and Little managed a bright, genuine smile for him.
“I told you I would alright” said Immortalis
“Indeed you did. You have always been wiser than me, Joy”
He felt Immortalis’ laugh vibrate under him and sighed in deep relief. He closed his eyes and focused on the sound of strong wingbeats as his dragon continued to fly in lazy circles above the sea.
XX
The next time they saw each other face to face, Britain was being invaded by the French. They bumped into each other, of all things, just as Little headed over to Immortalis’ clearing after a debriefing. Granby looked ruffled, hair windswept and fiddling with his neck clothe with one hand, trying to smooth it over – a new habit, Little could not help but notice.
“Augustine!” said Granby sounding almost surprised to see him
“John” he replied, feeling slightly awkward for being so familiar “how have you been?”
Despite having apologised once already, Little still felt bad for having snapped at Granby during Immortalis’ illness, and felt especially awkward for having accused him of abandoning him. He did not want Granby to think that he would be bitter or hostile now that their relationship had come to an end.
“Oh, well enough. Iskierka is a terror, but I think I’m starting to get through to her…”
He cut himself off, as if mentioning Iskierka would set him off again, like it had last time and the silence that fell between them was awkward and full of tension. Granby was fidgeting on his feet and Little realised he was clenching his jaw when is teeth started to hurt. He was reminded that he had never actually met Iskierka, having rather rudely turned down the invitation last time. But he did not want Granby to think that he could not mention her around him, or something silly like that. The thought of Granby, now a captain with his own dragon to be proud of, censoring himself around him was unbearable.
“John, I want to apologise for what I said last time.” he said, quickly “I wasn’t in the right frame of mind and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You were only trying to help and I reacted unfairly. I’m sorry.”
Granby smiled and shook his head, as if it was nothing, but Little noticed a tension leave his shoulders and felt himself breathe easier.
“All is forgiven.” He said, and Little knew he meant it “I don’t know how I would have felt in your position… I was very happy when I heard Immortalis was doing better”
“Yes. Thank you”, oddly it hadn’t occurred to him that Granby may have been keeping tabs, “I’m only sorry I haven’t had the chance to meet Iskierka yet, I heard she has quite the personality.”
Suddenly, a wide grin appeared on Granby’s face, and he grabbed Little by the arm, walking him towards the dragon clearing he had just been leaving and calling out, cheerfully.
“Iskierka?”
All the hair rose on the back of his neck when he realised what Granby was doing. Perhaps he should have seen that one coming. But Little had not meant now. He tensed up again in panic and would have bolted had it not been for Granby firmly gripping his arm.
“Iskierka, do you remember Augustine Little? The… particular friend I told you about?”
Iskierka immediately lifted her head to stare at him, breathing hot puffs of breath on the both of them. Little managed a tight smile.
“Hello”
Iskierka hummed.
“I suppose he is handsome enough” she announced, magnanimous.
Little will admit to being slightly terrified. Mostly because a dragon’s opinion had considerable weight with most captains, and he had no doubt this would be the case for Granby, even if Iskierka had the reputation of having rather extreme opinions. He himself had kept his distance with the people that Immortalis did not like. This felt much like meeting your betrothed’s parents, were they in regular society, where a single wrong move could result in the whole affair being called off.
“Iskierka has been asking to meet you for quite some time, now” said Granby, grinning widely
“I was curious” she explained “Immortalis explained the whole business to me so I wanted to make sure you were suitable for my Granby.”
“Immortalis did what now?” asked Little, a little strangled.
Granby squeezed his shoulder, compassionately, but Little wasn’t fooled. He knew the man was holding back a laugh. Iskierka sat back on her haunches and peered at them suspiciously.
“I understand the need to keep the secret as ridiculous as it all is but I would need to know, are the two of you planning on mating tonight?” she asked
“Ok that’s quite enough now”
And Little was promptly guided away at an urgent pace. A quick look told him Granby was just as red to the face as he was now. Good. He deserved it for that little stunt.
“A real terror this one, I tell you, but God help me I love her all the same.”
“I am more concerned about how she and Immortalis found the time to talk without being overheard. Dragons and their gossip never ceases to amaze me!”
Granby laughed out loud, throwing his head back and slinging an arm around him, like he used to do when they were together. It was like no time had passed at all. Something soft lit Granby’s eyes and any other place and any other time, Little may have been tempted to kiss him.
“Weren’t you heading somewhere?” he asked him, instead.
Granby jolted. “Oh yes, yes”
He squeezed Little’s arms and ran off, leaving him with a warm feeling in his chest and a thousand time slighter. It was comforting to have that camaraderie back, but there was little time to consider anything else.
The invasion had put the dragons even more on edge. Immortalis insisted he pitch his tent next to him at night, worried about the French infiltrating the camp and taking all the captains hostage. Little obliged, not because he truly believed such a thing would happen, but because he wasn’t quite over the scare of almost losing Immortalis. Some nights, he still woke up sweating, with the urgent need to go check on him, as he used to do when he was sick, and it helped to have him nearby, close enough for Little to listen to his deep, even breaths until the fear in his chest abated.
For this reason, Little did not believe Laurence to be a traitor. Of course, Immortalis and Granby both believed him to have done the right thing, but their good opinion of the man was not the only thing. Little had lived for months sick with fear that Immortalis would stop breathing and he would not wish this on any captain, not even the French. By making sure this couldn’t happen, Laurence had been more loyal to Temeraire, and the other dragons than any of the aviators ever were.
And these days, Britain was making it hard to want to fight for her. Little was used to consider the service worth it for Immortalis’ companionship but Temeraire had been quite efficiently poking holes in that logic. Then the British government had tried to murder a bunch of dragons and now there were the rumours. The whispers that Napoleon had decriminalised sodomy in France. That somewhere close, there was the possibility of having a relationship, like his and Granby’s without literally risking your life and by association your dragon’s future.
No. Augustine did not resent Laurence. He understood why he had acted, even agreed with it. In his wildest dreams he even liked to imagine himself flying off with Immortalis. If the invasion was the price to pay for sparing the lives of thousands of dragons then Little was happy to pay it.
They were – truly – reunited in the most unexpected way, at the other side of the world. He was not expecting to find Granby when he arrived in Brazil. Yet there he was, looking slightly harried but alarmingly cheerful for a man recently become single-handed. Meeting in those relatively normal circumstances nudged something in Little and a burst of happiness travelled him from head to toe when Granby smiled at him.
Of course, at first there was a whole political pot-pourri to deal with and frankly Little was happy to take a step back and let Harcourt, Laurence and Hammond deal with it. Granby was the one who, eventually, managed to pull him aside, taking him to the forest at the edge of their encampment. As soon as they were out of sight, Little was lifted into a kiss, Granby pulling him forward with his good hand gripping his neck clothe and his other arm draped around his shoulders, keeping the hook carefully away.
Little kissed back, just as enthusiastically, and let himself melt into it. He sighed in satisfaction when they separated, but uncharacteristically, Granby seemed embarrassed.
“There is something you should know” he said “Laurence knows… about me”
Little frowned.
“Knows what about you?”
“That I’m an invert”
The lightness of his tone severely contrasted with the gravity of the news. Little tensed and instinctively checked over Granby’s shoulders that they had not been followed, pulling him further into the darkness of the trees.
“What?” he hissed.
Granby smoothed a hand over the neck clothe he had ruffled before placing it on his shoulder to steady him, thumb lightly brushing his neck.
“He also knows that you are I were involved” he added quickly, sending another cold stab of fear through Little’s heart, “but there is nothing to worry about!”
“Nothing to worry about? From a man willing to turn himself in?”
Granby winced at the reminder, but nodded nonetheless. Little could not understand how he was so calm about this.
“Yes. He took it rather well in fact. I trust that he will keep the secret.”
“For you maybe, but me?”
“No, Laurence is no scrub, it would be very unlike him to offer preferential treatment, even for matters such as these. If he intended to say anything he would already have done so!”
The point was well made. It was true that Laurence had had plenty of opportunities to throw them to the noose already. That coupled with Granby’s complete lack of worry eased some of the fear, although Little doubted the worry would disappear completely for quite some time yet.
“Besides” continued Granby, chuckling lightly, as if privy to a very funny joke “the man was in the navy, I highly doubt this was his biggest shock joining the aviators, and you should see how he looks at Tharkay!”
“Who’s Tharkay?” interrupted Little, confused.
A wicked glint shone in Granby’s eyes, but his gaze flickered to his lips and he seemed to reconsider what he was about to say.
“Later” he mumbled, and leaned in to kiss him again, apparently intent on distracting him into changing the subject.
Later that evening when everyone sat around the fire, Chenery deliberately made sure the only place left for Granby was at Little’s side. Juvenile, but Little would lie if he said he didn’t appreciate it.
The story of Granby’s almost-nuptials to the Incan empress clarified quite a few things, and Little laughed whole-heartedly with everyone. Throughout, he did not fail to notice, the way Laurence payed more attention to him. Laurence’s gaze strayed to them once, twice, then a third time before, to Little’s surprise, his lips twitched in a smile.
XX
Little woke up to the sound of the dragons stirring outside. Granby was wrapped possessively over him, his remaining hand drawing circles on his hip and taking advantage of his height to bring them even closer, burying his nose in Little’s hair as he tangled their legs together. He felt utterly comfortable, protected from the chilly Spanish winter air as he was, and watched drowsily the shadows move on the ceiling of his tent as the sun started to rise.
“Time to get up” he announced eventually
Granby groaned and tightened his grip in response.
“I have missed this” he sighed
Little was very much of the same mind and as much as he wanted to revel in this moment of peace and warmth, stretch it as much as he could, they were still in the middle of a war. He poked Granby in the ribs, but the man didn’t move.
“5 more minutes”
“You said that 15 minutes ago already, come one”
This time he dug his fingers in a spot he knew Granby found ticklish, forcing him to loosen his grip to protect his defenseless sides. They grappled a bit, laughing as quietly as they could before finally Little managed to sit halfway up and Granby let go. He rolled on his back next to him, head tilted up to look at him, face alight with a soft smile. Augustine only knew John to be so still when he was about to say something important so he laid back down and waited patiently.
“You know, ever since the mess with the Inca, Iskierka has been trying to convince me I should get married,” said Granby eventually.
Little raised an eyebrow. It was a strange thing to bring up, but then again, captains talked about their dragons all the time.
“I can’t say I am particularly surprised”
“Well… maybe not. But the point is, it’s made me realise that I never gave you my word.”
Little’s heart stuttered in his chest and he started shaking his head.
“John, there is no need –“
“No, but I want to” interrupted Granby, still smiling. He caught Little’s hand in his, “I know it is foolish to promise to never leave, but I give you my word that you are the one I will always come back to”.
Little’s breath caught in his throat and he had to blink back a sudden burst of relief. He studied Granby’s face carefully, but found no hint he was anything less than serious. He laughed, delighted, and leaned down to kiss him, tasting Granby’s smile against his mouth. No other answer was needed between them.
Despite his own insistence it was time to get up, they stayed entangled together for a little while more, until the sounds of activity from the camp were in full swing rather than the lazy, slow rhythm of the early risers. Granby rolled out of bed first and started dressing, pausing at every step to drop a kiss along Little’s shoulders and face. Little helped him tie his neck clothe, rolling his eyes when Granby double-checked in the mirror, amused at how much Laurence’s dressing habits had rubbed off on him, even if Granby did not care to admit it.
“I’m going to help Iskierka write her letter to Temeraire before she bullies anyone else into doing it” he declared, and leaned for a final kiss before slipping out.
Little got dressed slowly and emerged a few minutes later to the crisp morning air and the smell of coffee. Chenery waved him good morning from where he was sat, leaning against Dulcia, and Little ignored the sly wink he sent his way as he walked over to Immortalis. His dragon was stretching, shaking his head dry of the morning dew that had accumulated on him and Little couldn’t hold back a smile at the sight.
“Good morning, Immortalis” he said, walking over as the dragon settled back down.
Immortalis hummed happily “Good morning, Augustine”
He curled his forelegs around him as Little settled against him, nosing at him gently in affection. It started raining lightly and some distance away he heard Iskierka complain loudly at the humidity. Soon they would have to be on the move again, but for now he merely settled back and sighed with content.
Because every day spent alive and loved was a good day.