Chapter Text
Han finds her once they land. The Falcon has been docked for half an hour, but Chewie doesn't bother her as he lands the ship himself.
She hears footsteps on the grate, old joints creaking down the ladder. She's still curled up in the gunner's seat, staring at the Raddus's hangar as the pilots land their X-wings.
"Hey, kid."
It breaks inside of her — the sting of his rejection, her battle to continue being good when the darkness calls her. The pain of her misstep earlier.
Her face crumples, and she sobs into her hand.
Han's palm drops onto her shoulder, and she shudders, struggling to catch her breath under the weight of it.
"It's not your fault, Rey," he says. "We asked you to keep a secret. A big one. We shouldn't have done that."
She wipes her eyes and sniffs. It's tight quarters down here, so Han is hovering right over her, his presence a constant reminder of her mistake as they both stare out the viewport at the crew working.
"I wanted to hurt him for so long," Rey admits. "When he interrogated me, I'd never felt that kind of openness and pain." She ran her sleeve across her nose. "And the way he would look at me…" She stops herself. No need to discuss that with his father. "I just think it's been building up inside for so long. I snapped. I'm sorry."
Han clears his throat. "I think you, uh… the two of you know how to hurt each other too well. He told me you… uh, started a relationship of a"—he coughs—"sexual nature…"
Rey's eyes pop, and her cheeks burn red. If this is what she missed by not having a father, she's almost happy for it.
"And um, while I think that… war can create a lot of… intimacies—"
"You don't have to do this."
"Alright, thanks."
"Don't mention it."
"Sure."
"No, like, don't mention it."
Han clears his throat. And she hears him run a hand through his hair like his son does.
"The point I wanted to make, is that he likes you," Han says. And Rey feels something warm and deep bloom in her belly. "But maybe you're on different paths," he finishes.
Rey blinks. A group of pilots talk in a clump in the corner of the hangar and she watches them.
She doesn't like the sound of that. A different path. Her chest feels tight, thinking that their lives will split at some point, possibly soon.
"I need to take him away for a while." Han sighs. "It's not your fault, but… the Resistance isn't happy to hear about Ben, about who he was before. He's not going to be welcomed here for a while."
"Where are you going?" she asks, and she watches Poe through the viewport, speaking conspiratorially to the pilots.
"Maybe Naboo. Leia's mother was from there. Just some place where Snoke can't get into his head so easily."
"He wanted to go to Ahch-To. He wanted to make amends with Luke." She twists to look at Han for the first time. He's frowning.
"Yeah. Maybe one day." He stares out the viewport, and Rey knows he's watching the pilots too. "We're leaving tomorrow night, once he's out of the med bay," he says.
Rey feels her stomach drop. Different paths.
She almost asks if she can come with them, but then remembers she is the thing they are escaping from.
"Alright." Her voice is tight. She blinks back a new wave of tears.
"It's what we should have done when he first came home." Han takes a deep breath. "I thought being with Leia would have helped him. And maybe it did. But he and I should have gone away."
Rey nods. She can see it.
"How are his injuries?"
~*~
Rey's never seen a bacta tank before. It's fascinating.
His body floats in the liquid, a bubble around him. She asks the droids about his injuries, and they beep back to her about a concussion, a blaster bolt to his side, a broken foot, a dislocated kneecap—
Rey silences them, unable to hear any more. She watches him float, his hair a living thing in the bacta. When she finally turns to leave after almost an hour, she finds Poe standing outside the room, watching them through the window.
She exits and comes to stand by him.
"You knew?" he says. "The whole time?"
Rey nods. The silence hangs thick.
"We were friends as kids, you know. We used to play together. I knew he didn't like me much, but I…" Poe trails off and rubs a hand down his face. "It was like he didn't even know me. When I was strapped to that rack. The pain he put me through. Was it like that for you?"
Rey swallows. "No. It was uncomfortable. But not like that."
Poe places his fist on the glass and leans his forehead on it. "How could Leia do this to us? To me and you." She looked over at him. "And to the Resistance. How stupid—" He cuts himself off. "It's so dangerous to have him here, without truly knowing his intentions."
"His intentions were pure," she says. "He wanted to help. He wanted to defeat Snoke."
Poe doesn't respond. He just stares at Kylo Ren floating in bacta.
"Han is leaving with him tomorrow," Rey says, thinking maybe it will give Poe peace of mind.
"Good," he says, straightening. "Because if I ever run into him again, I'll put a blaster bolt in his head."
Poe turns and walks down the hall, out of sight.
~*~
Rey wakes in the middle of the night with a sudden need. She bolts up in bed and looks around. Nothing is out of place. She is alone. She checks the clock. It's the middle of the night cycle.
She jumps out of bed and reaches out with the Force. There's something… something she needs to be doing. She tugs on her tunic and boots. At the last second, she reaches for the lightsaber, and clips it to her belt.
The Force leads her to the hangar. And she finds the ramp of the Falcon open. A tall figure limps up the ramp, carrying a crate of provisions, enough to last months.
Her heart pounds as she runs to the Falcon. They're leaving early? It wasn't supposed to be until tomorrow.
But as she comes closer, she sees only one pack at the base of the ramp, filled up with bacta patches. She searches the Force, and only finds one presence on board the ship.
He appears at the top of the ramp, pushing his clean, bacta-washed hair away from his face. He has a brace around his left knee, and a boot around his right foot. It's clear that he shouldn't be up and about yet. At least another day in the bacta tank would have him fully healed.
He stops at the sight of her.
"Where are you going?"
His lips press together. "Away."
"You're not waiting for your father?"
"He should stay. I split them up once before." He looks away from her. "They should be together even if I can't be here."
She doesn't know what to say to that. She's never had that option.
"He's not going to like that you're taking the Falcon," she says lightly, a small smile on her lips.
He shrugs. "If I steal his ship, he won't be able to go after me right away."
He starts down the ramp for the rest of his things, but she swoops them up, and carries them up the ramp for him. She squeezes past him, careful not to knock his knee.
She drops his pack on the couch, and moves into the cockpit before she can think too much about it.
"Where are you headed?" she calls back to him. She plops into the pilot's chair starting the engines and opening the navigational system. "Ahch-To?"
His boot clunks into the cockpit. "Rey—"
"Or Naboo? Your grandmother's from there?"
"I—I don't know yet. Rey—"
"I can set you a course for Ahch-To. That way you have it when you decide—"
"I can do that myself. What are you doing?"
She takes a shaking breath, staring down at the console. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I told them."
He sighs. "It was bound to happen. Good things don't last."
She frowns, thinking of the way he'd made friends with Poe and the pilots. The way they'd hugged him when he took out those TIE fighters single-handedly.
"I need to leave now, before they wake up."
She nods. She stands and drops herself into the co-pilot chair, reaching for the switch to bring up the ramp. She can't look at him.
"Rey."
She wonders how badly she will miss Finn… If she'll regret not saying goodbye to him.
"Rey," he repeats. "You're not coming with me."
"You need a co-pilot," she says, voice pitched high and shaking. She reaches for the headset.
"I don't need a babysitter," he snarls. "I'm not going to Snoke."
"I know you're not." She contacts the droids in charge of opening the hangar.
"You don't have to monitor me."
"I know." Her lip trembles.
"Get off the ship, Rey—"
Her chest cracks in two, and she sobs out, "Don't leave me here. Please, don't leave me." She inhales quickly before bursting out into another sob, her shoulders shaking.
She can't look at him. Can't see him glare at her when she's crying. Maybe he's pleased with himself for finally breaking her.
His mind is closed to her, but she's throwing herself at the gates, begging him to listen to her.
"Everyone leaves me. Please, don't."
She sniffs and listens to him sit in the pilot's chair. She watches the way his dislocated leg straightens out.
"Your place is with the Resistance, Rey." His voice is low and silky, and she misses the way he would whisper her name into her ear just before he came.
She looks over at him finally, and he's looking out the front viewport at the open universe.
"And where is your place?"
His mouth opens, shuts, and then he shrugs. "I'll find out."
She turns her body to him. "I'll help you. You don't have to be alone."
He swallows, and looks over at her. He's so handsome in the dim lighting, the stars staring back at them.
"Why?" he asks.
Her skin feels warm and her cheeks are buzzing. She repeats his words back to him: "Because I want to be close to you. I want to know where you are, what you're doing, how you're sleeping."
His eyes are confused and he's breathing quickly. A thousand different emotions and unsaid works flicker across his eyes and his mouth. He looks out at the stars and — swiftly, as if he'll second guess himself — he starts the take off sequence, flipping switches and pressing buttons.
She straps in and assists, her heart pounding.
He sets a course for nowhere. Just out of the star system. The fuel is enough to get them around for a few days without stopping. They don't have to plan yet.
The Falcon sails into space, stars flashing by them, and Rey thinks that Han won't be very angry if she's with him.
They're quiet for an hour, steering themselves through an asteroid field. He flies like his father, and Rey smiles when he takes tight turns and elusive shortcuts.
When he sets the Falcon on autopilot, she asks, "Do you still plan to go back to Luke?"
He nods, but his eyes are concentrated, deciding. "One day. I haven't decided yet if it's before or after I kill Snoke."
Rey's lips part. A warmth spreads through her chest, hearing his conviction. She bites the inside of her cheek, thinking.
"Is Snoke in your head now? Is he here because I'm here?"
He shakes his head quickly. "No. No, it's not you, Rey. It's… me." He looks over at her, and his eyes trace down her face. "It's the way I want you."
She feels something twisting low inside of her, but she separates it from the darkness. It's not dark. It's not bad.
"How do you want me?" she asks, a challenge in her lifted brow.
His eyes darken, and his breath is shallow. "Every way."
She swallows. The ache between her thighs is burning. "Does it have to lead to the Dark Side? Because the ways that I want you," she says, and she watches as his eyes flicker over her, "it doesn't always feel dark."
He's breathing like he's running after her, and she feels like maybe they're meeting in the middle somewhere because he says, "I guess not."
"Is there darkness now?" she asks.
He shakes his head, no.
Rey stands, and his eyes watch as she slithers over to him, sliding into his lap, her legs straddling his knees carefully. "Now?"
"No," he rasps. His eyes trace down her body, drinking her in.
She pushes her fingers through his hair, and he leans into her touch.
"Do you still want to be a Jedi?" she asks, trying to keep any suggestion out of her question.
"I don't know." He's looking at her lips, and she can't help but wet them with her tongue. His hands drop lightly on her hips.
"We don't have to be," she whispers. "You don't need to be a Jedi to kill Snoke. You don't need to be a Jedi to see your uncle again." Her hand moves to his cheek. "You can just be… Ben."
His gaze shifts from her mouth to her eyes. She's almost afraid she's said the wrong thing, but then he smiles. It tugs at his cheeks, and his eyes crinkle.
Rey leans into kiss it off of him, smiling into him as well. His lips part under hers, and she slips into his mouth. He moans.
Her arms wrap around his neck, and she pulls herself closer to him. His fingers slide around her ribs, almost encompassing her entire ribcage.
She pulls her lips away and whispers, "Is this okay?" He nods quickly, reaching for her lips again. "You'll tell me if the darkness calls for you?"
"Yes." He cups her checks and pulls her down to him again. His tongue is lacing through her mouth and his fingers curling into her hair. "He won't hurt you. I won't let him."
Rey smiles into him. Her hands slide down his chest, running over the pale muscles she knows are under his sweater.
He's driving her mad with his mouth, kissing her with an earnest passion and taking his time with bruising her lips. Every moan he wrenches from her throat pulls her tighter against him. His hands in her hair hold her still, as he laps at her.
She widens her hips as much as she can and presses their bodies together. He groans into her mouth, but his fingers don't leave her hair, holding her still as he continues his slow, drugging assault on her mouth. She starts rolling her hips against him, begging him to give her something. Her hands wander down, tugging up his sweater, and he almost doesn't separate from her to let her tug it off.
Before she can look down to examine the wound in his side, he's grabbing for her again.
"Ben," she stops him. "I need you to touch me. I—I need—"
His hands drop to her waist, and he's not even touching skin but she feels relief and warmth and pleasure coursing through her. Her head drops to his bare shoulder, and she begins kissing him there in thanks.
He pulls at her tunic until they can toss it aside, and when his hands run up her spine to her breastband, she moans. They fumble with her trousers until she finally stands and shucks them off. She sees the bacta patch across his side.
"Does it hurt?" she asks, standing between his knees and the console. "Are you comfortable?"
When he doesn't respond, she looks up to find his eyes staring at her body as if he's not seen it before.
"Ben."
He looks up, blinking, trying to remember what she'd asked.
"Is this the best… position… for your injuries?"
He takes a deep breath, and she notices his cock twitch. "Yes, it's"—he clears his throat—"it's fine."
She reaches for his belt, and he pulls her face back to his, content to kiss her to distraction again. It takes far longer than she'd like to admit to unbuckle and open his trousers, but she slides into his lap once she's finally pulled him out.
Her bare thighs slide against his, and she kisses down his neck, sucking softly at his jaw and under his ear. His hands squeeze her hips, rubbing her backside and slipping his fingers through her wetness.
Rey sighs. He rubs her clit with soft, slow fingers, until she bites his ear and begs, "Ben, please."
One finger slides inside of her swiftly, and she groans into his neck. His other hand plays with her clit, and her head lolls back, eyes rolling towards the ceiling. He takes the opportunity to suck at her neck, lapping and scraping against her. Her hips start rolling back against his hand until he pushes in a second finger and she quivers.
"Too much?" he whispers.
And she thinks of the size of him. Of what she wants inside of her next. She squeezes his fingers and shakes her head.
He redoubles his efforts on her clit, rubbing and swirling and flicking. His fingers slide in and out and he twists them to curl inside of her. Her vision goes white. She realizes she's been moaning and panting, writhing on him.
She pulls back to look at him, feeling her pleasure peak until she can't believe there's more of it.
He watches her face with the deepest of concentration as his fingers work her.
Her toes curl, her legs seizing. "Ben—" Her eyes close, her breath catches, and she's tumbling down, down, down. A tailspin of desire. Her body shakes and her ribs rattle.
She opens her eyes and finds him staring at her, his fingers working her down slowly. She feels dizzy with it.
"That didn't feel dark to me," she says. "You're fine?"
He nods, his lips trembling with every exhale. She looks down to his cock, hard and proud against his stomach.
"I want you… inside." She bites her lip shyly. "Is that going to be alright?"
"Yes," he croaks immediately. "Yes."
She kisses him and shifts forward. His lips open, and when her tongue slides against his, his hands jump to her thighs. He pulls her forward, helping her over him. She's still kissing him when his cock presses at her entrance, and only when he starts to fill her does she stop, mouth open in a silent cry of surprise.
She gasps, shifting down on him, lower and lower. She cries out when she keeps sliding down his cock as it spreads her wide. Her lap finally meets his, and then he's fully inside of her.
She can't breathe. She takes shallow breaths, trying to accommodate him inside of her body.
It's nothing like his fingers.
Pulling back to see his face, his eyes are half-closed, looking dazed. Is this what he imagined? When he looked at her in the forest on Takodana, in the Falcon leaving Starkiller, in the gymnasium, in the mess hall? When he had his arms wrapped around her and his hips jerking against her backside when she was on Ahch-To… is this what he wanted?
"Is this okay?" she asks.
When he meets her eyes, the glaze leaves him, and he nods. "It's perfect. The most perfect—" He presses his lips together, and his head drops back against the chair. "Fuck."
She threads her fingers in his hair. "I don't know what to do next. How do I move?"
Her heart is going to explode out of her chest. She tries to shift forward but it's no use.
"I can… Can I help you?" His eyes are laser-focused on her.
She nods, and in heartbeat his hands are on her ribs. His arms ripple with tension as he lifts her off of his cock slowly, only to slide her back down.
Her mouth falls open, and her throat squeaks.
He's hissing and panting and doing it over and over. Her hands land on his shoulders, and he heaves in air as he bounces her on his cock. Her nails dig into his skin. When she looks down on him, he's watching her breasts move, still hidden by her breastband.
"Can I…" he begins. She reaches around herself for the tucked fabric. She unwinds herself, and he drops her on his cock, one hand moving to her clit again.
Her legs feel tight. She's barely started unwrapping the fabric when her cunt flutters. She covers her mouth and squeezes her eyes closed. Her hips are tense and unfulfilled as Ben rubs her quickly, his air panting against her chest. His free hand slides over her waist, touching her, soothing her.
His thumb presses down hard on her clit and she cries out, her cunt starting to grip his cock.
"Oh, fuck—" he gasps out, and she's fluttering, squeezing, nowhere to go—
She calls out his name and his hands are on her hips, slipping her forward and fucking himself with her body.
He stills, breathing hard, and she's coming down, sighing softly and moaning every time her cunt tries to clutch him again.
His hands on are on her breastband then, ripping and tugging. She looks down and checks his eyes. Black, but not dangerous. She bites her lip when he pulls away the fabric, and watches his eyes drink in her small breasts. Smaller than she's seen in his imagination.
His cock twitches inside of her. She gasps, almost laughing at him. And then he's leaning forward and wrapping his lips around one of her breasts. She groans out his name.
One hand presses on her back, pushing her forward into his mouth, and he begins to rut up into her. His other hand is at her other breast, and she's helpless to do anything as he fucks her and sucks at her. The sounds he makes with his mouth around her nipple are sinful, and she plays with his hair and scratches at his shoulders.
His hips start jerking against her, and his throat growls, and his teeth scrape her breast.
His fingers find her clit again.
"Oh! Ben, you don't have to—"
He sucks hard at her breast, and suddenly her body is shaking, tremoring around him. She's so close, starting to tense around his cock as he jerks into her.
He pulls back, grabs her face, and opens the link between their minds.
His pleasure rushes into her body, the feeling of her, the way she completes him. What it feels like to finally be inside.
It is more than what he wanted. What he dreamed of as he squeezed her close and rubbed himself on her. What he imagined when she was stretching on the gymnasium mats or sucking on her spoon or smiling at Finn. When he imagined finally being inside of her, it was a tenth of this.
Her mouth falls open, and she cries out her release, her mind swirling through his for the first time in weeks.
He's coming, moaning and cursing and jerking. She feels all of it.
Her eyes roll back in her head, and she quivers with the unrelenting pleasure of it, the echo of the two of them across the galaxy.
It's so far away from darkness, from sinister voices. It's just the two of them.
Tears are falling down her face when she's able to think again. He's kissing them away, panting harshly against her cheeks.
She kisses him, her tongue lazy in his mouth.
When she pulls away, she can see the tears in his own eyes.
"Is it always like that?" she asks, throat sore from screaming her release.
"No. Never." His eyes can't stop drifting over her face. "When my knee is healed," he says, "I'm going to fuck you on a bed. And when my foot is healed, I'll turn you over this console and fuck you while you watch the stars. And when my side is healed—"
"I get it." She laughs and kisses him again. He holds her close, moaning when her breasts rub against his chest.
She helps him change his bandages a few hours later. When she's on her knees in front of him, fixing his knee, he apologizes for the way he cock reacts. She smiles, and leans forward to start licking at him, sucking him into her mouth. She likes the sounds he makes and the way his eyes roll back. He pulls her up and sets her on his lap, facing the viewport. She bounces herself on him, and his hands work at her breasts and her clit until she cries out.
When it's time to set a course, they jump across a few star systems, getting lost in unfamiliar planets for a few hours. The Resistance hails them the next morning, and Rey answers Leia, telling her that they are alright — they are going to bring Luke Skywalker back with them. She winks at Ben, and he nods at her.
"But in a few weeks. We're going to Naboo first."
It's the first time she's heard General Organa stutter over her words.
Naboo is green and bright. There's clear water and enough people to get lost in. Ben takes her to the island Varykino and the palace there (Ben laughs and tells her it's not a palace, but Rey doesn't believe him). The Force pulls her to a veranda in the evenings, and she stares out at the water every night until Ben asks her to come to bed.
They sleep there for a week, getting lost in the largest bed she's ever seen — white sheets and soft pillows and Ben's body beside her in the mornings, clutching her close and asking permission to be inside of her again. In every way.