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It was sort of inevitable that this would be the way that it would end. It was easy enough to tell, just by looking at him. Louis Tomlinson was quite simply the most beautiful man on the earth, Harry had never had a doubt about it. How could he do anything but fall madly in love with him?
His friends tease him sometimes, Niall and Zayn poking fun his fervent confessions of passion, because he's only 16, after all. But Harry knows all kinds of things that Niall and Zayn do not.
Louis has been his best friend since before either of them could remember. Even though Louis was two years ahead of him in school, they've been stuck to each other like glue for years and years until they knew each other better than anyone else knew them. Most days it felt like they knew each other better than they knew themselves.
So Harry is a bit of an authority when it comes to Louis. He knows exactly how Louis likes his tea, and what his favorite football team is, and why he doesn't wear socks, and how his favorite band changes depending on the day of the week. And he knows more than that. He knows all of the things that Louis is afraid of, and all of the daring adventures that he intends to have, and a million other tiny little precious things that Louis has never told anyone except for Harry.
That's really what Harry is in love with, in the end. The beautiful little parts of Louis that are reserved just for him.
The tricky part about it all is that there's nothing that Harry can do about it . He's fairly certain that if Louis felt anything more than friendship towards him, he would know. After all, he knows everything about Louis, right? It's pretty obvious to him that Louis sees him as nothing more than a friend, and Harry is still trying to be okay with that. He doesn't have any other option. He can't jeopardize his relationship with his best friend -he just cannot- so he'd rather hang himself than admit how completely, hopelesslyhopelessly, head-over-heels he is for the older boy.
And if he secretly wants to claw the eyes out of the face of every person Louis touches, well, that's his business.
.....................
Louis is like 99% sure that Harry Styles is the most idiotic person on the entire planet.
Normally that's not a problem, because it's Harry's charming naivety that made Louis fall in love with the curly little lad in the first place. He's always so quick to smile, even in the face of terrible things, and the way that he continues to be enchanted by a world that isn't fair to him makes Louis positively melt. No, idiotic Harry is usually nothing but beautiful to Louis.
But in this particular instance, the fact that Harry is too dumb to see that Louis is in love with him drives him absolutely insane.
It's not like he expects anything to come of it, because when Harry looks at him with stars in his eyes, it's just the same charmed expression that he gives everything else. Harry is in love with the world, and Louis is just a part of it, so it's not like he expects that if Harry knew how in love he was that they would ride off into the sunset and have a happily ever after or anything. But that doesn't mean that there isn't a part of him that wants Harry to know. Even if it made things weird between them, Louis wants Harry to know, because personally he feels like screaming it at random people walking by, the affection thrums that loudly in his chest.
But as Liam has taken pains to tell him at least 500 million times, screaming about your love for your best friend of almost a decade and a half was rarely a good idea. So if keeping his mouth shut meant that Louis got to keep his best friend, well, he supposed he have to deal with it.
He was even smart and mature enough to take steps to rectify the situation. It was their last year together in school, before Louis went off to college- or more likely, went off to get a job. He couldn't leave the situation unresolved. Being a college student in love with a 16 year-old back home just had to be unhealthy, right? So Louis did the natural thing; he went out and got himself a girlfriend.
It's probably one of the smartest moves of his entire high school career, asking out queen bee Eleanor Calder, because the instant she says yes, he's big man on campus. She's gorgeous and smart and sharp as a whip, and definitely the kind of person that Louis could fall in love with and not be miserable about it.
Except that he can't.
He gives the relationship a good go, spending a month and a half taking her to movies and shopping and holding her hand and kissing her pretty lips. But the problem is that no matter how many dozens of good qualities she has, she doesn't have everything that Louis needs. She doesn't have that one irreplaceable, dealbreaker quality.
She isn't Harry Styles.
The plan still seemed pretty solid though, so after he's gently broken the news to El, Louis goes in search of someone else. Phase 2 is a sweet girl from the newspaper club, and phase 3 is the star of the track team. Every time it's the same story. Louis does his best to fall in love with them, but no matter how hard he tries, it's just impossible. They just aren't Harry.
Meanwhile, poor, oblivious Harry is being a champ about it all. He grins enthusiastically with the news of each accepted date offer, and crack open a beer that he stole from his stepdad every time Louis informs him that things just haven't worked out after an increasingly short amount of time. Louis keeps searching his face for a sign that he might be faking his happiness, that he might be disappointed that Louis keeps finding new suitors, or glad when he's single again, but there is none. Not that Louis expected there to be, because this is not about anything other than moving on. The goal here is not to make Harry jealous, because that would be juvenile.
.....................
Harry is absolutely, positively, not at all jealous of any of Louis’ growing string of girlfriends, because that would be very immature of him.
He wants Louis to be happy, really, he does. Just because it wasn't meant to be that Harry would be the one to make him happy doesn't mean that he wants Louis to be alone forever. It's good that he's putting himself out there and looking for love. Harry sincerely hopes that he finds it. Even if it isn't with him.
(Surely the churning pit of lava in his stomach every time he sees Louis holding hands with someone else is just an absolute coincidence.)
“There are plenty of fish in the sea,” Harry says kindly as he attempts to pull the metaphorical hooks out of his mouth. Louis is currently sprawled out across Harry's bed, looking up at the ceiling and telling him all about how things didn't work out with girlfriend number four, the valedictorian-to-be. “You'll find the right one.”
Louis shrugs. “I'm not that stressed about it,” he said nonchalantly. “She was too uptight for my taste anyway. You know she tried to make me a schedule of when to study things? As if. I haven't looked at a textbook since they handed them out to me at the beginning of the year.”
“You've never had a problem finding a date anyways,” Harry says. It isn't bitter at all, he swears.
“Don't tell Tracy,” Louis replies, “but I already have one set up for tonight.”
“Even though you just broke up with her yesterday?”
“Someone asked me out, and I didn't see a reason to say no.”
Harry could think of one or two or a dozen, but they're all selfish so he keeps them to himself. “Oh. Alright then, who is she?”
“I think you you know Alex, right?” Louis is turning his head to look at Harry searchingly.
The gaze makes Harry feel a little uncomfortable, but he nods. “Alex Peters? She's cute, we had the same backpack last year.”
But Louis is shaking his head. “No, not Peters, Turner. Alex Turner.”
Hopefully Harry is better at lying than everyone says he is, because the only thing he can think of right now is complete and utter shock, and he doesn't particularly want that to be the reaction that Louis sees. Alex Turner is a year above Louis, having graduated last year, and that hot, edgy musician type. Alex Turner is also a boy.
“Oh,” is Harry's brilliant reply. “I didn't know- you never mentioned- oh.”
“It’s not a big deal though, right?” Louis asks, and he actually looks nervous. Like Harry could possibly have a problem with anything that Louis said or did.
“No, no, of course not,” Harry rushes to assure him. “I could never look down on someone for who they are. You know that. I just- I'm surprised, is all. Good for you, though.”
Louis smiles at him briefly and turns back to gazing at the ceiling. Harry goes back to his homework and tries to pretend like his world hasn't been rearranged just a little bit.
.....................
At this point, Louis can't even fake it. Or rather he can- Louis is faking relationships for the sole purpose of making Harry jealous.
It’s stupid and he knows it, because he wouldn't be jealous unless he had feelings for Louis, and Louis knows that he doesn't. But there's something about the idea of Harry getting riled up because Louis is seeing other people that just makes him feel warm inside. In order for there to be jealousy, there has to be something strong going on between them, and what Louis wants more than anything is the assurance that there's something half as strong in Harry's heart for him as what his heart breaks with every day for Harry.
Alex thinks it's a terrible plan when Louis calls to ask him about it, but he owes Louis a favor from that one time in his sophomore year when he got caught doing something he shouldn't in the boys bathroom, so he allows himself to be convinced by Louis that he is perfect for the role of fake boyfriend and coming-out coordinator. It's not a bad gig anyways. He takes Louis out a couple of times and lets Louis pay the bill, posts one picture of them kissing on instagram, and voila! Debt repaid.
Louis pretends that he doesn’t see the clench of Harry’s jaw when they’re hanging out together and he happens to scroll through instagram. “Nice picture,” is all Harry says, but it sounds a little strangled.
He drags this one out a little longer than necessary, spending a solid month talking about Alex this and Alex that and dropping off the face of the earth at random times to “go hang out with Alex.” Harry is never anything but supportive out loud, but the frustrated tugs Harry abuses his curls with from time to time when the name is brought up are enough to satisfy Louis at least a little.
It may in fact be the crowning achievement of his life when Louis announces that “he’s got this fantastic tongue, Harry, you wouldn’t believe the things he can do-” with a moaning sort of tone and Harry gets up and leaves the room with no further comment than the smack of wood as door slams into frame.
.....................
This is fucking different.
It shouldn’t be and that isn’t fair to Louis but it’s fucking different now that Louis is dating boys and it isn’t fucking fair to Harry, either. As long as Louis was straight, Harry could keep remembering all of the reasons why he will never have Louis, not in a million years. But now Louis is sitting on his bed talking about some boy’s tongue and fuck that because that should be his tongue on Louis’ skin.
It takes ten minutes of fuming and pacing the bathroom before he can go back into his bedroom and pretend to be unruffled by Louis’ commentary. He could swear he sees a smirk on Louis’ face, though, so fuck him for that, too.
He absolutely has to draw the line though a week and a half later when Louis’ broken up with Alex and invites Harry over to announce that he’s found his next date. “Don’t you think this is getting a bit ridiculous?” he grumbles, unable to keep the misery out of his voice.
Louis is raiding the fridge while Harry stands by munching on some grapes, and he looks positively unruffled by Harry’s displeasure. “No, not really. Niall’s a great guy, if I want to go on a date with him, why shouldn’t I?”
The grape between Harry’s fingers gets positively pulverized. “Shut the fuck up.”
“What? Oh, is this because he’s your friend?” Louis’ voice does that high-pitched thing that it does when he’s pretending to be innocent. “If this is like a protectiveness thing, I’m not gonna fuck with his head or anything-”
“Shut the fuck up,” Harry repeats, because it’s the only thing he can think of to say. There are tears springing to his eyes. “You can’t- you don’t just-”
“It’ll be cute! Two of your best friends dating, how adorable is that. And you’ll get oversharing from both sides of every date, that’ll be fun-”
“You can’t date him!” Harry half-shouts, reaching out to shove Louis’ shoulder with his hand.
It isn’t that hard of a push but Louis stumbles back against the counter anyways, the shock bowling him over more than anything. Never, in all of their years of friendship, has he seen Harry this upset. “Hazza,” he says gently, “calm down, it’s okay-”
“It isn’t!” Harry sobs. “It isn’t okay! You can’t date Niall, you just- you can’t!”
“Alright, okay, I’m not!” Louis says desperately, palms out before him like he’s soothing a wild animal. “That was a joke, okay? I just said it to get a rise out of you. I didn’t ask him out, we’re not dating. Just- please, Hazza, stop crying, yeah?”
“That’s not a fucking funny joke,” Harry says furiously, scrubbing tears from his cheeks. “Acting like you’re going to take my friends out when you should be-”
He cuts himself off and bites his lip hard, looking away from Louis with an expression that reads little more than misery. Louis swallows, heart pounding away in his chest all of a sudden. “When I should be what?”
“When you should be dating me!” The words burst out of Harry before he can stop them, and they just keep coming. “You’re dating all these other people but it should be me who goes on dates with you and me who posts pictures of us kissing on instagram and it should be my tongue that makes you moan when you talk to your friends because I just love you, okay?”
And before Louis can get a word in edgewise Harry is pressed up against him, one hand cradling the back of his neck and the other on Louis’ hip, crashing their mouths together in a kiss that’s messy and rough and mostly just in love.
Louis lets himself go pliant under Harry’s touch, lets Harry get out that first desperate rush of pressure before he starts to kiss back. He doesn’t particularly want to pull back and talk, so he hopes the way he moves his mouth gently on Harry’s expresses all of the “I love you, too, idiot” that Louis wants to fire right back at him.
At some point the kiss should probably die out or at least get less desperate, but before long their hands are scabbling at one another like there’s space between them to eliminate, breathy little groans escaping from the crush of their lips. Louis hears himself whimper a little, needy, and has to pull back for his dignity’s sake. “Fuck.”
Harry grins, his stupid, cheeky little dimple appearing. “Better than Alex’s tongue?”
“Wouldn’t know. Faked that one, too.”
“You’re very rude,” Harry scowled. “That was very traumatic for me. I lost a lot of sleep wondering whether you meant it was good with kissing or- other things.”
Louis blushes furiously and tries not to imagine whether Harry’s competitive spirit will lead him to prove his tongue’s worth in other arenas as well. “Yeah, well. If it makes you feel any better you’re the best kisser out of all my significant others, both real and fake.”
“‘Significant other?’” echoed Harry. “You haven’t even asked me out yet. Don’t get cocky.”
“Will you go out with me, Harry?”
“Maybe.”
It’s a low move, he knows, but Harry is pretending to play coy with him so Louis is really quite warranted in rolling his hips forward until the younger boy moans deliciously and drops his head onto Louis’ shoulder. “Please?”
“I’ll think about it,” Harry pants as he brings their lips together again.
It isn’t a yes, not yet, but Louis has known Harry for as long as he can remember and that means he knows this boy like the back of his hand. He’ll get what he wants in the end, and that’s quite enough for Louis’ satisfaction.