Chapter Text
Despite his promise of thinking about it, Youngjo didn't actually think much. It wasn't his fault, really. After coming back from their tour - with a pile of stuffed toys, thank you, Dongju - they had gotten very busy, and there wasn't time to think about anything. So Youngjo easily forgot about his talk with Hwanwoong. Until the universe decided to remind him of it.
Dongju was feeling overwhelmed. There were a lot of people in their dressing room, running around getting makeup, outfits, hairpieces and all kinds of stuff. Youngjo was practicing his rap for their stage on the next day and Seoho and Keonhee were singing their hearts out, and there was the noise of hair dryers and people talking, and Dongju was used to all of that, to the busyness of a dressing room, but for some reason at the moment it was all too much.
He knew leaving without telling anyone wasn't a smart idea. They could notice he was gone and become worried, or he could run into people it was better to avoid, or the staff and members might finish getting ready to leave quicker than he expected and then they would all have to wait for him. But Dongju couldn't stand another moment in that tiny noisy room, and he knew none of the boys would allow him to leave alone, but wouldn't go out with him either. They were all tired from their long day and wanted to go home, not wander around with Dongju. So he took a look around and when everyone was completely distracted he slipped through the door, sighing in relief as the noise instantly lessened.
Dongju started walking without a destination in mind. He just wanted to leave for a bit, breathe some fresh air - as fresh as the air inside a building bustling with people could be - and get away from the rush and loudness of the dressing room. So he walked aimlessly, making sure to look like he had somewhere to be. If he looked busy there was less of a chance of people stopping him to talk or wondering what he was doing there alone. And he walked and cherished the silence and quiet.
He looked out of a big window, smiling as he saw a bunch of fans gathered way down. He didn't know whose fans those were, but he knew their fans were also somewhere down there, happy to have watched their performance - he hoped -, heading home with smiles on their faces. It made him smile. Then he sighed, wondering how long he had been out. He didn't want to go back to the noise and mess, but he would have to, eventually. He started making his way back.
It took Dongju two minutes of walking to notice he was lost, and another three for the fact to actually fully dawn on him. When it did, however, Dongju felt a twinge of panic in his heart. He breathed in deeply. Everything was fine. He should just keep walking and eventually he would find their dressing room. Worst case scenario he would have to ask a security guard to help him. He could just say he had gone to the bathroom and gotten lost. He told himself that as he looked around, but it didn't stop the panic from growing in his chest.
Dongju continued to walk, until it got too much and he leaned against a wall, trying to calm down. He tried to time his breathing, but he had been walking through the venue for way too long already, and he still had no idea where he was, so the panic was definitely starting to set in. It didn’t help that he felt too shy to ask for help, no matter what he had told himself before. He put his weight against the wall, rubbing his face and trying to pretend he wasn’t about to have an anxiety attack. He could also feel his headspace trying to creep on him, like it always did when he felt overly stressed or anxious. Being little was his way to cope with those things, after all.
But he couldn’t be little right now, on top of it all. If he was having trouble keeping calm while in his adult headspace he couldn’t imagine what little him would feel. And if someone found him while he was in headspace, then…
“Dongju?”
Dongju’s head snapped up, meeting the eyes of none other than Kim Hongjoong. They had met the Ateez boys when they filmed for Weekly Idol together, and Dongju adored them. They were kind and sweet and funny, and none of them had made fun of him for taking his blue blankie with him to the filming site. He felt relief fill his body, his lower lip jutting out and trembling as he struggled to keep his emotions under control. The sudden relief had made his whole body react, shoving him even closer to the edge of his headspace, and he had to try hard to not slip.
“Hey, are you ok?” That was San, and that’s when Dongju noticed Hongjoong wasn’t alone. The rest of his group was there too.
“I, I…” he started, trying to get his brain to cooperate. “L-lost,” he managed to say, but god did it drain him.
Speaking just felt too hard, too awkward, forming sentences felt like the hardest task ever at the moment. Hongjoong reached forward, holding his hand. Hongjoong's hand was warm, soft and small, but it held Dongju's tightly, helping him keep grounded.
“You’re lost?” he asked.
Dongju nodded, trying not to cry. He took his free hand to his mouth, pulling on his lower lip and playing with it because he couldn’t suck on his thumb in front of all those people. Then someone spoke on the back, and Dongju was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear it, but he did.
“He looks like you when you’re slipping into headspace from stress, hyung.”
There was a shushing sound, and Dongju noticed Seonghwa's cheeks were red, but he wasn't paying attention to any of that. Headspace? Did they know about age regression? Did this mean…?
“Dongju?” Hongjoong called. Dongju looked at him and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, he squeezed Hongjoong’s hand tighter. “Hey. Is it hard to talk right now?”
He asked. Dongju nodded, glad the boy understood. The boys exchanged a look. San perked up.
“Is it because you’re feeling little?” he asked.
Dongju made a noise on the back of his throat, hoping it sounded affirmative, and a moment later he was pulled into Hongjoong’s arms. He hid his face on the boy’s neck, sniffling.
“Hey, sweetie, there’s no need to cry. We will get you back to your hyungies, ok?”
Dongju would have broken down crying right then and there in relief, but he still knew where he was, and he knew he couldn't do that. He pulled back from the hug and nodded, willing his tears to stop. Hongjoong squeezed his hand and then let go to reach for his phone.
"Do you want me to die from a heart attack?" Dongju looked down, feeling tears well up in his eyes again. He heard Youngjo sigh. "Ju, baby, you can't do that to hyung. I was so worried about you."
"Sorry," he whispered.
Dongju honestly just wanted his pacifier and blanket, but he couldn't, not with all their staff around, even if they were in a somewhat secluded area. So he settled for biting on his lip. He was aware of the boys from Ateez sitting across from him and Youngjo, watching the scene.
Hongjoong had called Youngjo and then taken Dongju back to his waiting room, where he had been greeted by all of his hyungs screaming and trying to hug him at the same time, while thanking Hongjoong profusely. Then the Ateez boys had been invited to come in and had, surprisingly, accepted, which brought them to their current situation.
Youngjo sighed, putting an arm around Dongju. "Ok, we'll talk about this later."
Dongju curled up against Youngjo, enjoying his hyung's warmth. He was tired.
"Hongjoong-ssi," called Hwanwoong, diverting the attention. "How did you know?"
"Hey, we're friends, no need for formality. And we…" he glanced at Seonghwa, who nodded. "We also have an age regressor in our group. Seonghwa, if any of you were wondering."
Dongju looked at Seonghwa. The boy was shyly looking down, cheeks red, playing with the hem of his sweater. He was cute. And a little. Just like Dongju. That sentence made Dongju's heart warm up. Just like him.
"Oh? You're the oldest, right, Seonghwa?" Dongju looked at Youngjo, who had asked that. His hyung looked interested.
"Yeah," answered the boy, seeming even shier now. "I… yeah."
"Oh, there's nothing wrong with that! I was just curious."
Seonghwa smiled, and Dongju figured things were ok. He yawned. Youngjo was really warm against him, and all of the stress of the evening had left his body drained. He tried to keep his eyes open. Something told him it was not nice to sleep when there were guests over. But if he just closed his eyes a second…
"He was really scared when we found him."
Youngjo sighed at Hongjoong's words. He was upset with Dongju for making them so worried, but he knew they were all partially at fault. Youngjo had noticed the younger boy getting more and more restless in their dressing room as the days passed, all of them had. And they knew it was because they had been super busy recently and Dongju had had less time to regress, and was thus more sensitive to everything. Little Dongju was very sensitive to loud noises, which explained Dongju's newfound aversion to their room. And actually Dongju had expressed his discomfort before and asked every member to take a walk with him a few times during the week, but they were all too exhausted to do it. And this was the result.
"Thank you for bringing him back."
"It's no problem, hyung. Hwa has gotten lost before, too. D'you remember that, Hwa?"
Youngjo glanced at Seonghwa, who was carefully braiding a sleeping Dongju's hair.
"Hmm. Was scary."
Seonghwa had slipped a bit after Dongju fell asleep. Youngjo was fascinated. Seonghwa was the oldest of the group, but he seemed to have no issue slipping into his headspace and letting tiny Wooyoung take care of him, and youngest Jongho coddle and coo at him.
"Where did you get lost, Hwa?" asked Geonhak, bringing Youngjo back to the present.
"The beach."
Youngjo cringed. By his side, Hongjoong chuckled.
"Yup. Same." They both laughed. Hongjoong sighed. "I think it's time for us to go, hyung. We were about to leave when we found Ju. But… if you ever want to talk about regression or the hardships of being a caregiver you can send us a message. We could arrange a playdate or something, too. We know four other littles from two other groups, and Hwa loves having playdates with them. I think Ju would enjoy it too. Maybe you can even meet the others."
Youngjo smiled. "I'm sure he would love it. I have your number, maybe we can make a groupchat later."
He looked around and saw the boys nodding, approving. This was perfect, because then Youngjo wouldn't have to ask for Seonghwa's number and risk the others questioning him.
Hongjoong got up, and as if he was the Master in a Follow the Master game all of his members stood up as well. It made Youngjo laugh.
"Hwa, let's go?"
Seonghwa looked at the unfinished braid in Dongju's hair - the fifth -, and pouted, but got up.
"Hey, Hwa," called Youngjo. "Ju loves having his hair braided, you know? I'm sure he'll let you play with his hair next time you meet."
Seonghwa smiled. "Okie, hyung."
Cute.
"Bye, guys. We'll talk later."
The Ateez boys left with a few last goodbyes and Youngjo sat back down. In his mind the fog had lifted and his promise to Hwanwoong was once again clear as day. 'I'll think about it'. Well.