Chapter Text
The castle hadn't changed much in their absence, which Atsushi supposed made sense. They'd been gone for such a brief time. But the thing was that for him it felt like everything had changed since he'd left. It seemed wrong for everything else to be unchanged when his whole world had been rocked.
There wasn't any time for him to unpack or rest on his return. There had been much to do in Saurika, much to do during their ride back, and then there was even more that needed to be done now he was home. It had been an exhausting couple of weeks, and it would probably be an exhausting several weeks more.
In a way, it was nice to be busy. He was useful for the very first time since he had become the prince of Kafka.
In other ways, it was complete and utter torture.
As was expected of a prince and his guard, he and Ryuunosuke were rarely apart. They were so close, yet there was a distance between them because the 'later' he'd promised all the way back in Saurika had yet to come.
If the wait was bothering Ryuunosuke, he didn't show it. What if he forgot? Atsushi thought every so often, but then in a quiet few seconds, their eyes would meet and Atsushi would know he hadn't.
Atsushi was constantly aching to talk to him, privately, sort through all the things he'd said wrong and apologize for them and maybe, maybe , kiss him, if Ryuunosuke would have him.
The scary thing was that he was fairly certain Ryuunosuke would.
After more than a week since their return, it was finally sorted. A lot of the things Atsushi had been in charge of juggling were slowly relying on more and more people like generals, union heads, and the Marshal (newly home from the front lines). Atsushi found himself with free time for the very first time in weeks.
Unfortunately, Ryuunosuke didn't have the same luxury. In a rarity, he'd been separated from Atsushi and sent off with a small group to do... something. (Atsushi wished now he remembered, but at the time Ryuunosuke's uniform was fit a little tighter than usual and he was mildly distracted.)
So, instead, Atsushi was off to have another long overdue conversation. He quietly knocked on a solid wood door before he could talk himself out of it. The guard standing there didn't try to stop him.
Lucy opened it promptly, and she didn't look at all surprised to see him. She even looked excited to see him. Relief flooded through Atsushi, weeks of stress flowing out of him at once. With little thought, he hugged her and she hugged him back, without an ounce of hesitation.
“You'd think you'd be sick of me after all that traveling,” she said.
“Never,” Atsushi protested as he pulled out of the embrace.
She smiled and motioned him inside her room.
The trip had more or less proved that Lucy had no interest in hurting anyone from the royal family, or so Atsushi and Fukuzawa argued. While some of the others in the nobility and guard had their doubts, there was no changing the minds of the royal heads, so it'd been decided Lucy could take up a more comfortable residence inside the castle. It was a small little place, with a tiny sitting room and a slightly bigger bedroom beyond, but Lucy had already made it her own. There were a surprising amount of flowers; a few, Atsushi noted, were distinctly Saurikian. He wondered if she'd gathered their seeds on her way back.
She fell into a chair with a satisfied puff of air. “So, I imagine you're not just here to chat,” she said, looking at him with some expectation.
Atsushi avoided her gaze slightly as he sat down across from her. “Well, no. I think I'd be rude to.”
Lucy didn't say anything to that, folding her hands in her lap while she waited for him to continue.
“I'm sorry,” Atsushi said, looking down. “I should have listened to you a little sooner.”
Lucy nodded in agreement. “You certainly should have. But 'sooner' implies you have listened to me.” The curiosity and self-satisfaction in her voice were unmistakable. It made Atsushi blush.
“Kind of,” he admitted.
“Only kind of?”
“Well,” Atsushi let out a breath, “I want to, but there hasn't been a lot of time.” He leaned back in his chair. “Ryuunosuke and I are gonna talk things out and...” Atsushi swallowed. It was hard to say out loud, for some reason. “And I hope he'll, uh, have me or whatever.”
Lucy let out a laugh, one that filled Atsushi instantly with comfort. She stood again to hug him, the angle a little awkward since Atsushi was still sitting. “He absolutely will,” she said, sounding so confident that Atsushi believed her.
She sat on the ground now, right in front of Atsushi, looking relaxed and content. “I'm just... happy,” she said. “You're my friend and you were...” She took a second, gathering her thoughts or forcing herself to say something embarrassing, Atsushi wasn't sure which. “You were keeping yourself from happiness for such stupid reasons.”
Unexpectedly, Atsushi's eyes pricked with tears. He hadn't exactly thought about it that way, but now that she said it, his heart sank a little. “I was, wasn't I?”
Lucy held his hand. “I should've just put it that way from the start.” She looked slightly contrite.
Atsushi opened his mouth to say something more, but he wasn't able to before there was another knock on the door.
Lucy looked a little confused, but she stood and made her way over. Her face relaxed as Gin was revealed in the doorway. With no embarrassment whatsoever, she gave Gin a peck on the lips, which made Atsushi blush and look away politely.
“Ryuunosuke's back,” Gin said.
Atsushi blinked in surprise, getting to his feet before he fully processed the statement. “Oh,” he said.
Lucy smiled at his shock, clearly entertained. “Well, I suppose I'll have to see you some other time,” she said.
Atsushi nodded, feeling nervous now that the moment was, maybe, finally here. With minimal good-byes, he hurried to his chambers where he knew Ryuunosuke would be waiting.
Ryuunosuke probably looked rather stupid, standing in the middle of Atsushi's room, staring at the door. There was a lot around him to occupy his time if he wanted. Atsushi had a writing desk with fresh paper and ink laid out, then there was of course his mountain of books both on and off shelves, and there was even a bowl at his table with a delicious array of fruits. He could pick up any one of those distractions, but instead, he stood there, fists clenched so his hands wouldn't shake.
He was nervous. Or excited. Honestly, it was hard to tell. Those kinds of emotions tended to blend together in his chest. And he was more hopeful than he should be, he knew that, but he just couldn't help it this time. Everything, for once, seemed to be actually falling into place. He was more confident than before that Atsushi shared his feelings.
But damn, if he had misinterpreted things, it was gonna be even more devastating than anything else...
As that thought paralyzed him in fear, the door swung open.
Atsushi was out of breath, his eyes wide as they landed on Ryuunosuke. A different fear hit Ryuunosuke right in his chest. “Are you alright?” he asked.
Realizing how he must appear, Atsushi's face instantly relaxed and he straightened. “Yes! I just wanted to get here quickly.” He let go of the door handle and closed it behind him softly, “I was scared that I'd miss you.”
“I see...” Ryuunosuke said, avoiding looking at Atsushi as his cheeks pricked with warmth.
And thus, an uncomfortable silence fell between them. Ryuunosuke wasn't sure what to say to break it, and apparently, Atsushi didn't either.
“I...” Atsushi said, but then he didn't follow it with anything for several seconds. Ryuunosuke was staring at him, waiting, his breath trapped in his lungs. “We should sit down.”
He motioned over to the table and Ryuunosuke went over obediently. He wasn't sure how to behave, however, as he sat down stiffly in a chair. Atsushi looked just as unsure because he copied Ryuunsouke's stiff movements as he sat across from him. After a beat, he grabbed an apple out of the bowl and extended it to Ryuunosuke.
The atmosphere between them relaxed a bit, and Ryuunosuke gladly took the apple from him, remembering the time when that small gesture had set them off on this long journey. He suspected Atsushi was reminiscing on that too.
After Ryuunosuke accepted his offer of food, Atsushi seemed to find his words again. “I'm not really sure where to start.” Atsushi settled more comfortably into his seat. “Well, actually...” he looked at his clasped hands, his voice dipping to sound very apologetic, “I'm sorry that I kissed you that day when you were angry with me.”
Ryuunosuke didn't like the sound of that. The hope in his heart froze a little, and he felt the rest of him freeze too, bracing himself for something he should've been prepared for all along.
Atsushi got a slightly panicked look on his face. “I—I don't mean I regret kissing you!” As he said it, Atsushi turned a pretty shade of pink. “It just wasn't fair of me to since I had told you that I wasn't interested, and I'm sorry it seemed like I just wanted to take advantage of the situation to shut you up... I really just wanted,” Atsushi swallowed before continuing, in a hushed tone, “I really just wanted to kiss you.”
Ryuunosuke was now realizing there was a distinct possibility he might die of embarrassment before this conversation finished. “I see...” was all he could manage to say.
Atsushi correctly took this as an 'it's alright' as he visibly relaxed. “I should've just been honest with you from the start.”
“And what weren't you honest about?” Ryuunosuke asked before he could stop himself. Of course, he knew what Atsushi was trying to say, but he couldn't afford to hang his heart on the line anymore without complete assurance. He watched the surprise and nervousness in Atsushi's eyes as he absorbed the question, then Atsushi quickly looked away.
“I gave the impression that, um, that I wasn't interested. That I didn't... also want to tell you that I...” Atsushi seemed to be struggling to say it, his breath shaky as he sighed.
Ryuunosuke didn't push, even though he dearly wanted to. He was trusting Atsushi to get to it eventually. There had been a lot between them in the last several months, and Ryuunosuke knew he himself had trouble sorting through it in words. Atsushi, of course, probably felt the same way.
“I was really scared.” Instantly, Atsushi's shoulders relaxed as he let out a sigh, clearly voicing a thought very important to him for the very first time. “I was scared that you'd always put your life ahead of mine, but I was also scared that you'd waste it if you were around me.” He was rubbing the base of his thumb, avoiding Ryuunosuke's eyes. “You're, uh, well you're amazing Ryuunosuke—”
Hearing that shocked Ryuunosuke to the point of barely being able to breathe. “That's—”
“And I'm not...” Atsushi pushed on, without waiting to hear what Ryuunosuke had to say. “I'm not a very good prince, I've not treated you well at all. You nearly died because of me more than once, and I've said terrible things about you. I don't listen to you very well, I forgot the reason you hated me... And I truly think that you deserve somebody better.”
Ryuunosuke couldn't believe his ears. Atsushi—the Atsushi who had worked until his hands bled just to fight him, who had befriended a prisoner who wanted to kill him so he could learn about a country and language not his own, who had just brokered an uneasy peace with Saurikia for the first time in centuries—thought he wasn't good enough for Ryuunosuke ? It was hard for him to even comprehend, leaving him almost speechless. “I'm just a knight,” he said, confused.
Atsushi smiled fondly, a look that made Ryuunosuke's heart squeeze in his chest. “You're more than that... You're honest to me and caring, even when you don't show it.” Ryuunosuke had arguments for all of that, but he kept his mouth shut for once. “I don't know you're just special. I have been fascinated with you since the moment we met.”
Ryuunosuke blinked, then said bluntly, “I choked you.”
Atsushi let out a joyous laugh. “Yes. Yes you did.”
He finally looked up again, and their eyes met. It was very odd, Ryuunosuke thought, for them to have ended up where they were, given where they started. If he'd been told months ago he'd want to spend his life with the man he'd sworn to hate, he would've punched them. Now, here he was, lost for words.
“We were both scared,” Ryuunosuke said, although admitting it was hard for him. He should elaborate and talk about how his fear of losing Atsushi hadn't helped Atsushi's self-confidence despite Ryuunosuke's good intentions. That was a little too much for him right now, though, and he hoped desperately that they'd have a chance to discuss that in the future.
“And you're not anymore?” Atsushi asked.
Ryuunosuke would be lying to say he wasn't... There was a lot that could go wrong in a relationship, and it was frightening in its own way. Not to mention, it would be hard to trust Atsushi in the way he needed Ryuunosuke to. They were certainly gonna argue and Ryuunosuke would always be terrified of losing him, that he knew for a fact.
“Cause I still am,” Atsushi admitted, his hand going to his chest. “My heart's pounding. I'm really scared of what you're going to say, and I don't even know which answer is gonna terrify me more. I want you to stay so so badly, but at the same time I don't want you to have to be stuck with a man like me...”
Ryuunosuke placed his hand on the table, bringing himself ever so slightly closer to Atsushi. It kind of upset him that anyone would speak so poorly of the man he loved, even if it was Atsushi himself. Atsushi looked at Ryuunosuke's hand and placed his own over it with slight hesitation, his touch light.
After regaining his ability to breathe, Ryuunosuke said. “I want you to trust me."
“I do.” Atsushi caught Ryuunosuke's eye and relief flooded through Ryuunosuke as he could see how earnest Atsushi was at that moment.
“Then you'll believe me when I tell you,” Ryuunosuke paused, having to look away before emotion overwhelmed him entirely, a sensation he still struggled to get used to, "That I…” The words caught in his throat, but he forced them out. “I love you.”
His face was red, he could feel it. The whole of him was hot, and embarrassed, and still terribly scared. It was an uncomfortable mix of emotions that was hard to get past, and he still didn't know how Atsushi was gonna respond.
Then Atsushi squeezed his hand, standing so he could go to Ryuunosuke's side. He placed one hand on Ryuunosuke's cheek, guiding him to look up at him. “I love you, too.”
Ryuunosuke couldn't stand it any longer. With just a slight movement, they brought their lips together gently.
Ryuunosuke let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, relaxing entirely into Atsushi's touch. Everything in the universe seemed to slip into place at this simple show of affection, something they had even done before, but this was so different. Oh, Ryuunosuke had treasured those past kisses for sure, but this kiss held the promise of more, that they'd have so many more chances to do this again in the future. They didn't push the kiss deeper, they didn't have to. They could just revel in the feather-light affection.
Atsushi separated just enough so he could speak. “Gods Ryuunosuke, I really love you.” The words were traced on Ryuunosuke's lips as much as they were said out loud. They made him weak, his heart quivering in his chest as it sunk in. The hand holding Atsushi's maneuvered so their fingers were now linked. If he focused hard enough, Ryuunosuke could feel Atsushi's heart pounding just as loud as his was.
Ryuunosuke didn't have it in him to repeat his confession, so he had no choice but to attempt and convey it instead. He placed his free hand on Atsushi's waist, remembering the gasps it had elicited before. It didn't disappoint as Atsushi's pulse fluttered beneath his palm again and his lips parted. Ryuunosuke took the opportunity to steal another gentle kiss. Atsushi hummed in satisfaction, tracing a line along Ryuunosuke's cheekbone.
“You're crying,” Atsushi pointed out, curiosity lacing his voice.
While normally Ryuunosuke would've wanted to pull away immediately and wipe all traces of the tears away, this time he didn't. The man he held in his arms far too important to separate from. “I'm happy,” he admitted, simple and sweet.
He watched Atsushi's eyes smile before they closed in for yet another kiss. It amazed Ryuunosuke how each kiss still made his heart soar, making him happier than he'd ever imagined he could be. Atsushi must've felt much the same way, a giggle escaping his lips as their kisses got longer, slightly more hungry and searching.
“Ryuunosuke,” Atsushi breathed, and he tugged on Ryuunosuke's hand lightly.
Understanding his meaning completely, Ryuunosuke followed Atsushi to his bedroom, stealing a kiss halfway there that earned him another golden, joyous giggle from Atsushi's lips. He had barely enough awareness of his surroundings to remember to take off his sword before they ended up in bed this time.
Atsushi's first move as he sat on the bed was to place his hand on Ryuunosuke's chest, stopping him in place. Ryuunosuke was light-headed and disappointed to be so far from Atsushi's lips for the first time in their long conversation. “Will you take your shirt off this time?” Atsushi asked, letting his hand slip down the buttons along Ryuunosuke's chest.
Ryuunosuke's breath caught. “You...” he started, the haze in his head clearing a little. What he wanted to say was 'you don't want me to', but he stopped himself. Atsushi knew very well what he wanted, and what he could handle. Ryuunosuke needed to trust him on that.
He bent down to kiss Atsushi's cheek, placing his hand over Atsushi's own on his chest. “It's not pretty,” he said. Atsushi's fingers twitched around Ryuunosuke's top button.
“It's you,” Atsushi said, looking up to Ryuunosuke with wide eyes, clearly in disbelief that Ryuunosuke could say such a thing. “Every inch of you is beautiful.”
That was certainly an exaggeration, but Ryuunosuke didn't say so. Atsushi would probably take him saying that as an opportunity to whisper more praise and Ryuunosuke wasn't sure his heart could handle it. Instead, he nodded, letting go of Atsushi's hand.
Atsushi was delicate as he undid the button and Ryuunosuke's nerves hummed beneath his skin at the sensation. Then a small uncharacteristic gasp escaped him as Atsushi's lips met with his collarbone, eagerly gracing the newly exposed skin with kisses. With the next button freed, he did the same thing, kissing every inch of his skin as it revealed itself to him. Ryuunosuke accidentally grabbed at Atsushi's hair, not prepared for how sensitive his torso would be. It was, after all, an area he didn't let most people he slept with touch. He'd always kept his shirt on, finding the idea of fully bearing himself to someone horrifying. But now, now it was not. Now it was blissful and exciting as Atsushi explored every bit of his body. Atsushi must be thinking so too, because a smile formed on his lips and Ryuunosuke felt it against his skin, just below his ribs.
The smile melted as the next button was undone and Atsushi was met with a long, jagged scar, pinker than the rest. Ryuunosuke could see Atsushi's hesitation, but he wasn't hurt by it as he knew what was going through Atsushi's head.
Atsushi's fingers went to the scar, tracing it lightly, before he pressed a kiss to it, more reverent than the others. Ryuunosuke's hold on Atsushi's hair weakened as he combed through it once. He didn't regret the scar himself, but Atsushi's mixed emotions towards it were palpable.
However, now was not the time for such discussion obviously as Atsushi moved past it and continued his trail down to the very last button of Ryuunosuke's shirt, his final kiss landing low on his pelvis. Ryuunosuke swallowed dryly, very much aware of how close Atsushi was to his cock.
Atsushi looked up at him expectantly, moving further back on the bed to allow Ryuunosuke room on it. He watched with a hunger that almost made Ryuunosuke self-conscious as he pulled the shirt from his arms, and discarded it on the floor behind him. Atsushi's eyes openly roamed across his chest, obviously desperate to get his hands on it.
This was made more clear as Atsushi put his hand to Ryuunosuke's waist, rubbing his thumb on his hip bone lightly, before moving up to rub one of Ryuunosuke's nipples with it instead.
Ryuunosuke went a little weak. He'd been completely unprepared for the effect of Atsushi's hands on his stomach, chest, waist, and everywhere else he'd been touching. The area was unbearably sensitive. It made him think about how he'd kept his shirt on the first time, like Atsushi was just another fling when he absolutely wasn't. He supposed now that it had been unfair of him to keep it on then... He'd been preparing himself for losing Atsushi before they even had a chance.
With deft maneuvering, Atsushi reversed their positions so Ryuunosuke lay flat on the bed and Atsushi straddled him, grabbing the bottom of his shirt to pull it up over his head in a surprisingly attractive motion. Ryuunosuke couldn't help but moan as Atsushi's ass accidentally (or perhaps on purpose?) ground against his cock.
Definitely on purpose, Ryuunosuke decided upon seeing Atsushi's smirk as he emerged from his shirt. Atsushi bent over to kiss Ryuunosuke, the kiss still terribly polite given the situation. Ryuunosuke embraced it all the same, placing his hand on the back of Atsushi's neck to pull him a little closer. An unexpected thrill went through him at the sensation of parts of Atsushi's bare chest against his. Perhaps this is why Atsushi wanted so badly for it to be off, he thought dimly.
As Atsushi sat back up, he made a point to once again make Ryuunosuke's clothed cock aware that it was separated from Atsushi's ass by only a few centimeters of fabric. “Fuck,” Ryuunosuke breathed.
Atsushi was far too pleased by that response. “Something wrong?” he asked, faux innocence making his voice a little higher.
There was very little Ryuunosuke could do to retaliate in this position without changing it substantially, and Ryuunosuke found that he didn't have any desire to. Instead, he vaguely brushed his fingers against Atsushi's waistband.
Taking the hint, Atsushi raised an eyebrow as he loosed the buttons on his pants, and then annoyingly stopped as if his work was done. He angled himself back just a bit, to continue putting a pleasant weight on Ryuunosuke's cock. Ryuunosuke sucked in a breath between his teeth.
“You want something in particular?” Atsushi asked.
Where had this teasing side of him come from? Ryuunosuke didn't grace him with a response, even though the questions gave him a thrill. Instead, Ryuunosuke trailed his hand down the front of Atsushi's stomach while Atsushi watched, holding his breath. Then Ryuunosuke pushed his hand past both Atsushi's pants and underwear to gently run his fingers along Atsushi's cock.
It worked as Atsushi gasped, then moaned, accidentally bucking into Ryuunosuke's grip and stimulating Ryuunosuke's dick in turn.
“Fuck please just get that thing off,” Ryuunosuke said, withdrawing his hand to the clear disappointment of Atsushi.
Still, now he was much less teasing as he quickly re-situated himself to pull off his pants and underwear in record time. Ryuunosuke watched with great interest as Atsushi's hard cock sprung free from the fabric, pleased that he was already at least as hard as he was. Not to mention, Atsushi looked fucking handsome as far he was concerned, and every piece of him he got to see was more enticing than the last, even if he'd seen it before. This time it was in a whole different light.
Atsushi didn't settle back into straddling Ryuunosuke's waist, to his slight disappointment, but the disappointment was quickly forgotten as he instead started to fumble with Ryuunosuke's buttons. In short order, he had gotten through the two layers of fabric and pulled free Ryuunosuke's cock.
Unable to help himself, Ryuunosuke bucked into Atsushi's hand, and Atsushi responded quickly, giving the dick a few slow, thoughtful pumps as Ryuunosuke's breathing got heavier. Ryuunosuke was faintly aware that Atsushi was neglecting his own cock, but he couldn't seem to voice anything as Atsushi leaned down and blew gently on Ryuunosuke's tip.
Ryuunosuke licked his lips, suddenly imagining what Atsushi's might look like sucking it, making his dick jump in kind. Atsushi visibly swallowed, his pupils blown as he pulled away his hand after one final stroke.
The grunt of disapproval Ryuunosuke let out at the loss of his touch was completely unintentional. “Sorry,” Atsushi said all the same, as he tugged on Ryuunosuke's pants. Ryuunosuke helped him along with getting them off, as eager as Atsushi was now to be completely nude. Once the offending articles of clothing had been tossed away, Ryuunosuke didn't even spare a thought to the fact he was fully exposed. It was something that had once terrified him, but instead, he was delighting in all the ways his skin touched Atsushi's. Atsushi moved up to kiss him, keeping his body mostly flat so their cocks brushed against each other as they did.
Ryuunosuke was vaguely annoyed Atsushi seemed so much more aware than he was, able to somehow keep his head despite the rather intoxicating situation they found themselves in. It was just unfair. He wanted to throw Atsushi off balance just as much as he was. Plus, wasn't he supposed to be the one with more experience here? Why was it so much more difficult to talk than the first time?
When their lips separated, Ryuunosuke found himself lifting his head to chase Atsushi a little. It was so good to kiss him, so perfect... And then Atsushi moved his hips so their dicks ran over each other and such innocent thoughts were chased from his mind.
Atsushi paused in his position, tilting his head while he readjusts. “Gods you should see yourself right now...” Adoration laced his voice, so fully and so honestly that Ryuunosuke had to drop his eyes to hide just how flustered he was by it. “You look amazing, I wish I could paint a picture...”
To shut him up before he imploded, Ryuunosuke brushed Atsushi's thigh before tracing a line up Atsushi's cock, pleased by the shiver this elicited from him.
If Ryuunosuke did look 'amazing' like Atsushi described (something he rather doubted), then Atsushi was otherworldly. Something about the light dusting of pink covering his skin, his blown pupils and lidded eyes, the angle of his body... It was intoxicating to Ryuunosuke just looking at it. If one could get drunk off a person, Ryuunosuke would've died long since.
He was only lightly stroking Atsushi's cock, a little curious about what the man himself had in mind with their current position. That seemed to frustrate Atsushi into action. He let his ass rub along Ryuunosuke's cock—pre-cum letting it slide easily—while bucking his own into Ryuunosuke's hand. Ryuunosuke gasped, accidentally pulling his hand away to grasp onto the bedsheets below him.
As if to reassure him it was alright, Atsushi enveloped Ryuunosuke's hand with his, joining their fingers and bringing it away from the sheets so Ryuunosuke could cling to him instead. All the while, Atsushi kept grinding against Ryuunosuke's dick and it was driving him faster to a climax than Ryuunosuke would've ever expected. He was acutely aware of little except that friction and the fact that he was being far more... vocal than usual. He brought his free hand up to his mouth to stifle some of his moans. Atsushi must've taken that as a challenge because he upped his efforts, quickening his pace, and moving one hand to Ryuunosuke's nipple. His touches were light, but that was almost worse. Just enough to keep Ryuunosuke struggling to focus on which sensation was more erotic.
Even though he'd known he was almost there, Ryuunosuke's climax hit him out of nowhere. His hand fell from his mouth as he found himself silently stiffening and being carried through the orgasm with Atsushi's continued, but slowed ministrations.
He gently guided Ryuunosuke along the waning high as he came down, but Atsushi only completely moved off Ryuunosuke's dick once he was grounded. Atsushi knelt on the bed beside him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek, a completely chaste action compared to what had just occurred.
Ryuunosuke rolled over slightly to allow himself to cradle Atsushi's face and pull him down for a proper kiss. His heart fluttered as Atsushi hummed happily against his lips, a smile forming.
“You didn't...” Ryuunosuke said once they'd pulled away. He left the last word unsaid, but Atsushi knew what he meant obviously cause he shifted uncomfortably, allowing his still painfully hard cock some room.
“I wanted to watch,” Atsushi said, embarrassed. “You looked... amazing.”
There was that word again. Ryuunosuke was beginning to think he was gonna be called that quite often from now on, and he wasn't sure his heart could take it. To silence those fears, he laid one hand on Atsushi's thigh. “Let me,” he said.
Atsushi parted his legs a little to allow Ryuunosuke better access, clearly inviting him to do as he said. Ryuunosuke sat up, kissing Atsushi in the meantime while he slowly dragged his hand higher up Atsushi's leg until it finally landed on the prize.
Atsushi sighed contentedly. “I'm already close,” he admitted, his voice having lowered from such a simple touch. Ryuunosuke was flattered Atsushi was so affected by him, but he didn't dwell on that unfamiliar emotion as he pumped Atsushi's cock with a small amount of laziness, wanting to watch Atsushi's face change.
It didn't disappoint, Atsushi quickly forgetting to care what sort of expressions he was making. His mouth dropped open as his legs subconsciously widened more and more. Atsushi's lips looked lonely so Ryuunosuke swooped in to steal another kiss.
That must've been the tipping point for Atsushi. His breath stuttered and he moaned into Ryuunosuke's mouth as he came. Mimicking Atsushi's earlier actions, Ryuunosuke kissed his cheek. A whispered compliment of “so handsome” escaped him and Atsushi's already flushed face turned a deeper shade of pink.
A part of Ryuunosuke expected a repeat of the time before, Atsushi scrambling away embarrassed. That knot in his soul came loose as Atsushi instead took his cum slick hand and laced their fingers together. “Thank you,” he said.
Ryuunosuke kissed their knuckles, a little too emotionally exhausted to speak the words in turn and hoping the message would still get across. It must've been because Atsushi smiled. It was always such a blessed sight...
“We should get a towel,” Atsushi said.
Ryuunosuke squeezed Atsushi's hand, knowing he was right, but he didn't want to part. In a compromise, he grabbed his shirt. Atsushi opened his mouth to stop him, but it was too late as Ryuunosuke cleaned up cum with it.
Atsushi's eyes were laughing, even if his mouth was crooked into a small frown. He took it from Ryuunosuke to clean himself up too.
“You'll stay with me til morning, right?” Ryuunosuke asked, exhaustion making his limbs heavy now that the high was gone.
For a moment he worried Atsushi might say 'no' as the man calculated his morning schedule. Then, Atsushi nodded. “Gin probably won't let people in,” he settled on.
Relief flooded Ryuunosuke's body and now he really wanted to sleep.
“You get tired after this stuff, huh?” Atsushi's voice was amused.
Ryuunosuke wasn't gonna argue, he just shoved the strewn clothes off the bed and then pulled open the covers.
Atsushi crawled in, closer to the center of the bed than strictly necessary. Ryuunosuke settled in next to him, an inordinate amount of happiness going through him as Atsushi slotted himself into Ryuunosuke's arms. He kissed him as their legs entangled. “Goodnight, Ryuunosuke.”
Ryuunosuke let him relax into his hold before echoing. “Goodnight, Atsushi.”
When Atsushi woke, Ryuunosuke was still cradled in his arms.
Tears sprung into Atsushi's eyes. To stop them from spilling, he pulled Ryunnosuke's body a little closer so he could bury his face into his neck and litter it with kisses. It didn't exactly work as Atsushi still felt a tear or two slip from his eyes, but… It had been so long since Atsushi had cried because he was happy. He couldn't bring himself to be embarrassed.
Ryuunosuke's back was against his chest, so Atsushi had to lift his head a little to peek at his sleeping face. It was worth it though. He looked so peaceful, so content. If Atsushi squinted a bit, he thought he could see a smile on Ryuunosuke's lips. He looked so small and… human like this. That might've seemed weird for Atsushi to say, but Ryuunosuke had been a tough, strict presence ever since Atsushi had known him. It was always a gift to see him with his guard down.
Atsushi had gotten to see it last night, he thought with a thrill, and now here he was, totally peaceful in his arms. He couldn't help but wonder if he was the first to truly see him like this, and the thing was that he thought he might be… Maybe, Atsushi thought, they actually were good for each other if he was the first one to get Ryuunosuke to lower his defenses like this.
Well he was definitely going to start crying again, Atsushi realized, so he busied himself with tracing lines on Ryuunosuke's skin, memorizing him inch by inch.
Ryuunosuke had lots of scars. None of them gave Atsushi any real pause beyond how much he hated to think of Ryuunosuke being in pain from them.
Except for, of course, the gash on his stomach. Atsushi's fingers hesitated on it, wincing as the memories of when that wound was fresh hit him. The skin was only bumpy and uneven now, but Atsushi could still remember when it was slick with blood. He shuddered involuntarily.
Ryuunosuke stirred, placing his hand on top of Atsushi's.
"Does it bother you?" Ryuunosuke asked, voice cracking with sleep.
Atsushi thought for a moment, kissing the back of Ryuunosuke's neck in the meantime. "It bothers me that you were hurt because of me."
Ryuunosuke didn't like this answer, Atsushi could tell. He rolled over so that he was now facing Atsushi. "It was my choice," Ryuunosuke said.
"I know," Atsushi said. He reached up to stroke Ryuunosuke's cheek. "But it's my fault you had to make that choice."
Ryuunosuke turned his head to kiss Atsushi's palm, but he stayed silent.
"I've hurt you a lot, Ryuunosuke. That... bothers me."
Ryuunosuke adjusted so he could look Atsushi in the eyes. "It wasn't your fault."
Atsushi let out a shaky breath, holding back his desire to argue.
"Fitzgerald sent the assassins, and that assassin was the one who hurt me. And then as for when we were children…" Ryuunosuke went silent for a moment before continuing, "We were both children. It was wrong of me to ever blame you for that."
Atsushi opened his mouth, but Ryuunosuke kissed it to keep him silent, stroking Atsushi's arm lightly. It wasn't a long kiss and soon enough Ryuunosuke withdrew. "As for all the… miscommunications we've had. I think we can call that about even."
Atsushi brushed his fingers through Ryuunosuke's hair as he thought about what Ryuunosuke said. "I feel like we might keep having those 'miscommunications'." It seemed like a basic fact for them. Both of them were people with barriers and fears that made being together difficult. That's why it'd taken them so long to end up here. Atsushi was only just coming to terms with all of that, but he could still understand that it would make things difficult for them.
"We will," Ryuunosuke said after a moment of thought. "You told me before that you're still scared. I am too."
Atsushi could feel the thudding of Ryuunosuke's heart. He could also see that his lover was getting sleepy again, making him smile a little. The emotional effort was hard for Ryuunosuke he knew, but it meant a lot to him that he was voicing and working through it all anyway.
"It's okay for us to be scared?" Atsushi asked, trying to bring the conversation to a swift end so Ryuunosuke could go back to sleep.
Ryuunosuke nodded, burying his head into Atsushi's chest. He looked so cute when he was sleepy, like a cat. "But it's worth it to work through it."
Atsushi's heart nearly stopped. He wasn't sure Ryuunosuke knew just how meaningful what he'd said was. They were worth fighting for, is what Ryuunosuke said. This relationship they had, the love that they shared… To Ryuunosuke it was worth suffering for.
Atsushi agreed.