Chapter Text
A couple of hours later over dinner, Luna’s curiosity got the better of her and she just had to start asking questions.
“Papa, so what was the real deal with Uncle Yoshi this afternoon? Why would seeing Uncle Hide upset him that much?”
Sugizo considered the question and was in the middle of deciding how much he should say and how he should say it when his daughter spoke up again, prodding him.
“Just tell me…you really don’t have to sugarcoat everything for me anymore, ya know…”
The guitarist tilted his head with raised eyebrows and just looked at her. “Child…” was all he said.
Heath suddenly began to cough and clear his throat, but Sugizo saw that he was actually laughing at them.
“Something funny, Hiroshi?”
“You better tell her what she wants to know, Yune…I don’t think she’s going to take ‘no’ for an answer,” the bassist responded.
“Not looking like it, no.” Sugizo took a deep breath and then dove in.
“Okay, well…Yoshi had a relationship with Hide—they were a lot more than just friends—so his passing hit him particularly hard. He’s had a difficult time coming to terms with the loss, even after 14 years. When he saw and heard Hide again after all that time, it was a real shock to his system, I guess you’d say.”
“And he’s high strung anyway, so it hit him harder than it did anyone else, right?” she offered.
“That’s probably true,” Sugizo answered.
“But he seemed all out of sorts when I first saw him—sitting on the floor, looking like he’d been crying, maybe drinking some as well—he seemed mad,” Luna commented.
“Did he?” the guitarist said, trying to dodge, but he was a little too transparent to his daughter.
“Yeah, he did… What was he mad about, Papa?” she asked pointedly, not letting him off the hook that easily.
“That’s because we had kinda gotten into it a little.”
“Arguing, you mean? About what?” she asked.
“It’s not important—nothing for you to concern yourself about,” the guitarist said.
“Was he being a hypocrite as well as a drama queen?” she asked, thinking that maybe there had been some movement on the Papa/Heath front that she didn’t know about yet and Yoshiki was trying to play spoiler.
“Hypocrite? No. Drama queen? Always. But why would you assume hypocrite?” her dad asked.
“Oh, umm…just something Uncle Hide told me. Nevermind. So if it wasn’t that, why was he mad at you?”
Sugizo looked over at Heath who was trying desperately to mind his own business and finish his dinner so that he could make his escape. The bassist happened to look up at exactly the wrong time and Sugizo caught him with a ‘help me’ look.
“Uh uh…I’m not in this. This is between you and your daughter,” Heath said, shaking his head. “In fact, I was just about to excuse myself and let you two talk.”
“Heath, you don’t have to leave, seriously. I’m not gonna say anything you haven’t already heard,” the auburn-haired man said. Heath thought he looked like he could use some moral support, so he was finally convinced to stay.
Luna looked at her dad and waited for him to start his explanation, but he didn’t seem to be in any rush.
“Okay, so obviously there is something for us to talk about. It’s concerning Uncle Yoshi, but it must be more than what you’ve already said, am I right?”
“He wasn’t exactly mad at me, just upset over the whole situation. He found out some things that he hadn’t known and it upset him,” Sugizo said.
She looked from her dad to Heath and back again. “So they were lovers, right? Okay, I knew that. But why would you and he be getting into an argument?”
“Well…he found out that he wasn’t the only one and that maybe things weren’t really like he remembered them,” the guitarist replied, still trying to be careful what he told the teenager.
“And you set him straight and he didn’t like that, I’m guessing,” she stated. A few moments later, a realization hit her and her eyes opened wider.
“Wait… ‘he wasn’t the only one’ as in you were the other one? You were arguing because he found out that you and Uncle Hide were lovers?!” Luna asked, looking rather surprised.
Sugizo knew his daughter was bright and a quick learner, but he hadn’t counted on her being that perceptive.
The guitarist sighed and then slowly began to nod. “Well, to be completely honest—and I may as well be at this point—he knew that Hide and I had been lovers, he just didn’t know how serious our relationship was.”
“And how serious was it?” she asked.
He knew that question was coming. He looked down and pulled the band ring off his right hand, handing it over to her.
“Hide gave me that—look inside,” he said quietly.
She read the inscription and looked back up at her dad, her face a mixture of surprise and sadness. “You…you were married?”
“No, honey—but we were in love. Besides, same-sex marriage isn’t legal in Japan now, much less 14 plus years ago,” Sugizo told her. He then went quiet for a moment and tried to read her expression. “Umm, how do you feel knowing about me and Hide? Does that bother you?”
Looking down at the ring that she still held, remembering that her dad always wore it, and now knowing what the significance was, she gave him a sad look and got up from the table. Moving around to him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and laid her head against his.
“Oh Papa…I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” she asked, her voice full of emotion.
“I just thought you were too young to understand. That and I knew your mom would have some terrible things to say if you had mentioned it to her. But how do you feel about it? Tell me honestly.”
“I’m fine with it—you know I don’t care that you’re bi, I just want you to be happy. But it makes me really sad. It was bad enough when I knew you’d lost one of your best friends, but now…” She didn’t finish her thought, just hugged him tighter and he returned the embrace.
Heath quietly got up and went over to the bar and poured his friend a stiff drink, knowing he’d need one. While he was there, he poured one for himself as well.
Eventually returning to her seat after giving the ring back to her dad, she pushed her plate aside.
“So is that why Uncle Hide feels so comfortable here?”
“That might be part of it, but I think he knows none of us are freaked out by him being around and we genuinely love him and want him around us,” Heath answered, letting Sugizo get some brandy into him.
“I’m sorry I kept pushing and pushing the subject. I wasn’t trying to upset you, Papa,” Luna said.
“No, it’s okay, baby. You didn’t know and I really didn’t have to tell you, but…I guess today is just the day for honest confessions.” He paused and then looked over at Heath. “Anything you want to get off your chest, Hi-Chan?” Sugizo asked with as much of a grin as he could muster.
The bassist looked thoughtful for just a moment and then said, “Pass. What about you, Luna?”
“Hmmm…well, to be honest, I really want to dye my hair pink like Uncle Hide’s! You know, with some dark left underneath, but bright pink on top. Can I? Please?” the teenager asked.
Sugizo was in the middle of taking a drink and nearly snorted brandy out of his nose. “Oh god, that burns…” he said, waving his hand in front of his face. He coughed a couple times but was okay.
Heath reached over and patted his back but couldn’t help but laugh. “She got you!”
“Hey now, I’m serious over here. Can I? I mean, I’ve seen pictures of you with your hair done like that,” Luna asked again.
Sugizo shook his head. “Child, you know your school won’t allow that!”
“They might if you clear it with them first. Please?! Uncle Hide means a lot to me and it’d kinda be like my tribute to him,” she pleaded.
The guitarist looked skyward for a moment and smiled. “Tell you what—let me talk to the school and see what they say. Your mom will have a coronary, you know that, right?!”
“Ask me if I give a damn,” Luna said coldly.
“Luna!” Sugizo said, trying to admonish her for the language, but unable to keep himself from grinning. Heath wasn’t doing any better.
“What?!” she replied.
“Language!”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay…sorry.”
“Listen, I don’t really give a damn what she thinks either, but until the final custody hearing, we have to be careful, okay?” the guitarist reminded her.
“When is that again? The sooner the better,” Luna asked.
“Another month or so. We’re actually due for another home inspection soon, but that shouldn’t be a problem,” Sugizo said.
“And the tour is coming up once school is out, right?” she asked.
“Yup—two or three weeks after that. I need to start work on getting your passport. Heath, please remind me about that,” the guitarist said. “But right now, you need to get to work on your homework and get ready for bed, young lady,” he said with a smile.
Once she’d gathered up all the dishes and cleared the table, Luna did as her dad asked, smiling when she thought about actually getting to go on tour with him.
‘Wish Uncle Heath could come along too, but it’ll be fun regardless,’ she thought as she sat down at her desk. ‘I’m definitely going to need some new clothes for this!’
_______________
“Meet me in the living room in ten minutes? I need to change into something more comfortable…unless you’re ready to go to bed,” Sugizo said, trying to be considerate, but it didn’t come out of his mouth the way it sounded in his head.
Heath couldn’t help himself—that one was a gift. “Is that an invitation?” he asked with a sly grin and raised eyebrows.
The guitarist returned the sly grin. “That’s not what I initially meant, but hey…if you say ‘yes’ we’ll call it a happy accident!”
“Okay then, ‘yes’. Your room in ten minutes?” Heath asked and then leaned in and gave Sugizo a gentle kiss.
“Don’t be late…” the auburn-haired man said with a grin.
As good as his word, ten minutes later Heath knocked lightly and then opened the door to Sugizo’s room.
“Hey, you dressed?” he asked in a whisper.
“Yeah, come in.”
“Ah, darn…was hoping you weren’t,” the bassist said with a grin.
“Well, I don’t have to stay that way…” Sugizo started. “Just have to wait until Luna’s asleep, that’s all.”
“I should probably close my door so she thinks I’m in there, huh?”
“Yeah, go do that. We don’t need to play 20 Questions with a teenager in the morning,” the guitarist replied with a chuckle.
Once Heath returned, he quietly closed the bedroom door behind him and turned to his friend who was sitting on the bed.
“Should I lock it?”
“Yeah, just in case. She doesn’t normally just walk right into my bedroom, but I guarantee she’ll pick the worse time to do it. Better lock it.”
Heath did as he was asked and then walked over and sat next to Sugizo on the bed.
“Tell me something…she’s 15, right?” the dark-haired man asked.
The guitarist nodded.
“Obviously she knows you’re bi and now she knows about you and Hide. How do you think she’d take it if she did catch you with someone? Another man, I mean.”
“Hmmm…well, I know she wants me to be in a relationship with someone. She’s all worried about me being lonely. One night at dinner she asked me about a few people to see if they were currently single or not.” He paused and chuckled. “They were all guys too. She knows I’m not really interested in women anymore.”
“Oh she did, did she? Playing matchmaker?”
“She’d like to. But yeah, it’s one thing for her to know I’m dating or am interested in a guy, but quite another for her to actually catch us together. Kissing or hugging would be fine, but past that…I’m not sure how she’d deal with that. You know, the whole ‘gross parental sex’ thing.” He laughed again. “You know your parents had to have had sex to bring you into this world…but you sure as hell don’t want to see it!”
They both had a laugh at that and made faces when they let themselves imagine their own parents.
“Yeah, no…I don’t want to think about that either,” Heath said, still chuckling.
Sugizo laughed some as well, but the pleasant expression dropped from his face rather quickly. A sigh confirmed his mood. Despite their light conversation and laughter, the bassist knew his friend pretty well and could tell that under that smile there was still a touch of sadness. He looked him in the eyes and placed a hand on his leg.
“Are you okay, ‘Zo? Anything I can do?”
The guitarist dropped his gaze and gave a little smile.
“Am I that transparent?” he asked.
“To me you are. Long day, huh?” Heath answered.
“I’m sorry—not trying to be a downer here. It’s just been an emotional one.”
“Yeah, I understand. You’ve had a draining day telling Yoshi and Toshi the truth about you and Hide and then having to tell Luna as well.” He paused and shook his head. “Dealing with Yoshi and his emotional self couldn’t have been easy this afternoon.”
Sugizo sighed. “Well no, but despite how possessive and arrogant he can be regarding Hide…I’m still sorry he had to find out the way he did. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Listen, I don’t know how you’ve managed to keep quiet about it all these years—I couldn’t have. And you’ve been working closely with Yoshi for the last few years too… I think you deserve a medal,” Heath said, rubbing the man’s thigh.
“You know what was the worst? Being around him at parties when everyone was drinking and laughing and telling things they shouldn’t about each other…and he’d start about Hide. No one would dare question him or god forbid challenge him on anything and I’d just have to get away before I lost my cool and said things I shouldn’t have.”
“You should have! I mean, everyone loves Yo-Chan but I don’t think anyone thinks he’s always right and beyond reproach.”
“And he’s not. A lot of our friends believe things about him and Hide that are total fabrications of his imagination. I think he’s been telling these stories so long he’s forgotten what’s true and what he’s embellished. But no, the time and place haven’t been right. I would never want to embarrass him in public. But today…it all came out and I couldn’t seem to stop myself,” Sugizo replied. “Still so much I want to say to him though…”
“He’s a grown man—he’ll be okay, ‘Zo. Look, if he’s really going to marry Toshi, he needs to let go of some of this attachment to Hide, don’t you think?”
Sugizo sighed again. “You’re probably right.”
“And the next time he starts telling some of his stories, you just give him a sideways look and hopefully he’ll shut up! Just please let me be there when you do it!”
The guitarist laughed. “Okay, deal. Hey, you want a drink? I think I could use one.”
“Sure. I think we could both use something to mellow us out. What you got hidden in the deep recesses of that liquor cabinet?” Heath asked with a smile and got up from the bed.
“Hmm…I think I might still have some good stuff stashed away. Let’s go look.”
After literally getting down on the floor and pulling bottle after bottle out of the bottom of the cabinet, Sugizo finally found what he was looking for—an old, dusty bottle of aged whiskey that he had gotten on one of their trips abroad.
“Here we go…taste this,” he said proudly, pouring a shot for Heath.
“Mmmm…smooooth. I like that,” the bassist said, his eyes lighting up.
“Good, I thought you would. I need to see if I can find some more of this,” Sugizo said, pouring two proper-sized drinks. Before he put the bottle down though, he poured a small shot for Hide and lifted the glass skyward. “For you, Doll,” he said and placed the glass on the tabletop portion of the cabinet.
They sat on the dining room floor right there amongst all of those bottles and enjoyed their drinks, talking in depth about liquor preferences and where the best came from. When each glass was almost empty, the guitarist poured more and then put the bottle away along with the rest. Laughing, they finally got up off the floor.
“Shall we?” Heath asked, starting back toward the bedrooms.
Sugizo nodded and followed. Once they got back to the door of the master suite, Heath paused. “Listen, if you’d really rather just go on to bed alone, I understand. You’ve had a trying day.”
The guitarist smiled a little and leaned against the doorframe. “Yeah, it’s been an interesting one, but…that’s why I’d really like to have your company. I am feeling a little lonely, truth be told.”
Heath smiled. “Say no more.” With that, he leaned forward and lightly kissed the man and then headed back into the bedroom.
They had no more gotten into the room and closed the door than Sugizo heard Luna’s voice.
“Papa? You still up?” he heard her say in a loud whisper.
“Yeah, just a second!” he said and put his glass on the nearby table. “Go in the bathroom,” he instructed Heath almost silently and when the adjoining door had been closed, he opened the bedroom door to his daughter.
“Hey, finished my homework and I’m off to bed. Just wanted to say ‘goodnight’ and see if you were okay,” she said, sounding concerned for her dad.
He nodded and gave her a little smile. “Yeah, I’m alright.”
She studied him for a moment. “No, you’re not—but you’re awfully brave. Again, I’m sorry I kept being a pest at dinner. I mean, I’m glad I know about you and Uncle Hide, but I’m sure it hurts to talk about it sometimes.”
“It’s okay, baby…nothing for you to be sorry about.” He pulled her into a warm hug and then kissed her on the forehead. “You get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“Okay, but Papa…I know I’m just a kid, but if you ever need to talk…well, you know,” she said with a smile.
“You’re such a treasure…love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you too. And don’t forget to ask about the hair thing please!” she added with a grin and reached up to place another kiss on his cheek. “’Night!”
“’Night!” he said with a chuckle.
Shaking his head, he closed the door and retrieved his glass from the table. As he was walking over to the bed, the bathroom door opened and Heath slowly peeked out, making sure Sugizo was by himself.
“It’s cool—we’re alone,” the guitarist said, sipping on his drink.
The bassist walked out of the bathroom laughing. “She’s really intent on getting her hair colored, isn’t she?” he asked, sitting on the bed next to his friend.
“Yeah, I guess she is,” Sugizo said, shaking his head. “There’s no way the school will allow it, though. She should know that. They’re very serious about their uniform code.”
“God, I hated wearing uniforms in school. I mean, I sorta understand why it’s important, but it leaves no room for self-expression. Probably one of the reasons I became a musician in the first place,” Heath said.
The auburn-haired man nodded. “Well, I was expected to join the symphony, ya know. Yeah, about that…” he chuckled. “I guess you could say I went completely off the rails.”
“I think you’ve done alright for yourself though, you delinquent you.”
“Not too bad, I guess. Not at all how I saw my life unfolding when I was Luna’s age though. That was before the rebellion really set in.” He chuckled and then paused to think, shaking his head. “I know how Luna feels though—it’s tough at that age having to do and be and look how someone else wants you to.”
“It is. I’m old now but I vaguely remember,” Heath replied.
“Can you remember back that far, you old fart?” the guitarist asked with a cheeky grin.
“Just barely. One thing I’m really glad about though—there were no camera phones or social media when I was young and stupid. Oh my god…the evidence would be damning.”
Sugizo laughed and nodded. “Ain’t that the truth?! But ya know, I think I know what to do about this pink hair situation. I’ll call and ask the school like I promised, but I know what they’ll say. Then once school is out and the final custody hearing is behind us, I’ll let her color her hair for the summer and the tour. Think that’ll get me any votes for Father of the Year?”
“From her? Yes. Reina is gonna have a literal fit though, you know that,” Heath responded, just imagining the meltdown Sugizo’s ex was going to have.
“Ask me if I give a damn…”
Both men laughed at that and then clinked glasses in a toast, tossing back the remaining whiskey and placing the empty glasses on the nightstand.
“Stay with me tonight? Your virtue will be safe—I’m too tired and drained to get up to anything right now,” Sugizo said, sounding as if he’d probably fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
“Baby, my virtue was taken out and shot years ago…but yeah, I’ll stay. You look like you could use a nice, warm cuddle,” Heath replied.
“Mmmm…cuddles…” the auburn-haired man said, crawling under the covers and looking up, waiting for the other man to join him.
Heath slipped between the sheets and then pulled Sugizo to him, holding him close. When the other man slid down a little and placed his head on Heath’s chest, a undeniable warm feeling spread throughout his body.
‘I could so get used to this,’ Heath thought, smiling and gently carding his fingers through the long, auburn and black hair.