Chapter Text
The silence between them felt heavy in Janet’s chest, she wasn’t sure why they’d been avoiding conversation. She supposed that Gill was waiting to end it with Julie before they were alone together or talking again, so as to avoid temptation. Janet was aching, her heart for Gill she realized. She longed to touch her, to hold her and kiss her. She wanted Gill to be hers, she wanted to be Gill’s. Janet cried again, silent tears into her pillow. Would this ever work out? It was 2AM and here she was, crying over this woman she’d known since she was twenty six, and now she was forty nine, divorced and longing to be with her. Never had she thought when she was snogging Gill in training that she’d end up like this, in love.
She sighed a deep, shuddering breath and wiped her eyes. A knock at the window caught her attention. Perhaps it was a bird or a bat hitting the glass. The knock happened again, and Janet got out of bed to investigate. Once more it came and Janet could see that it was a rock hitting the glass of her second floor bedroom window, and there was Gill standing in the garden in the cold wet of December.
She wasn’t really sure if this was real, but Janet went along with it and walked downstairs to let Gill inside. She unlocked the door to see Gill’s face, her expression a bit broken and Janet supposed that she’d finished it with Julie. Gill was shivering from the cold and Janet pulled her inside without a word, shutting the door behind them. Janet leaned her back against the bannister, Gill falling into her arms and pressing herself against Janet’s body, lips on hers. Janet held her tightly, hands moving along her body as if to warm her up, Gill was cold and a bit damp from being outside in winter. Gill kissed her deep and slow, never wanting to let go.
They had to break apart for air eventually, breath heavy and Gill no longer shivering with cold.
“Gillian…” Janet whispered, looking right into Gill’s hazel eyes, their bodies still pressed tightly together.
“It’s okay.” Gill raised her hand to Janet’s hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. “I’m here now.”
“Don’t leave.” Janet’s voice was shaky, but she was firm.
“I’ll stay.” Gill whispered against her cheek and kissed her softly there.
“I don’t mean just tonight, Gill. I mean stay forever.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Janet. And I will stay forever.” Gill kissed along Janet’s jawline and down her neck before reclaiming her lips, hands in Janet’s soft hair and feeling the softness of her mouth on hers.
“Mum?”
Janet and Gill jumped apart, breathing heavily.
“What are you doing up, Tais?” Janet asked quietly, embarrassed.
“Could ask you the same thing.” Tasie said suspiciously. “I just needed a glass of water.”
Janet sighed heavily, stepping away from where she was leaning against the bannister, towards Gill.
“Okay. Do… do you mind if Gill stays the night?”
“Why are you asking me, mum?”
“Because you matter to me,”
“Of course I don’t mind. I like Godzilla.” Tasie chuckled quietly.
“Thanks.” Gill said sarcastically.
“Sorry for… shocking you.” Janet said sheepishly.
“I just want you to be happy. I don’t mind.” Tasie brushed by her mum into the hallway towards the kitchen.
“Thank you,” Janet could feel tears forming in her eyes, grateful that it was dark.
Janet led Gill up the stairs to her bedroom in the dark, holding her hand tenderly like she couldn’t bear to be apart from her. Shutting the door behind them, Janet lay back down on the bed where she had been before, pulling Gill down to lie on top of her. Gill kissed down Janet’s neck, her knee sliding in between Janet’s thighs.
Janet pulled Gill’s shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor before making quick work of the rest of her clothes. Gill removed Janet’s nightie and then they both had all of each other, like they hadn’t in so long. Neither of them moved, scared to break the moment of silence and darkness and belonging to each other. Janet pulled the blankets over them, laying on her side looking at Gill, darkness hid how much feeling she expressed through her eyes.
“I want you in my bed like this… every night. All of you.” Janet whispered, kissing Gill’s shoulder and moving to be on top, straddling her.
“You can have that.”
“I love you, Gill.”
“I know.” Gill wedged her hand between them, beneath Janet, two fingers inside her. Janet rocked her hips, whimpering. Gill rubbed her clit with her thumb, slower and then fast circles, Janet coming against her hand, hips bucking.
Gill rolled over so that they were both lying on their sides, hugging Janet close to her body, lips pressed to her forehead.
“I’m not going to go anywhere.” Gill whispered softly.
“I know that now.” Janet kissed her lips hungrily and moved down her body. Fingertips and tongue and teeth, over Gill’s breasts, her belly, her thighs.
On her, inside her, soft. Fingers tracing her lips, running over the place where her hip jutted out, and down, stroking her clit. A shuddering sigh, lips on her neck, the feel of Janet’s tongue licking, sucking. The feel of her breath between her thighs, the want in her gaze, the way Janet was smiling against her skin into every kiss making her come alive. Making her want this, want her.
Janet was soft like this, gentle in the way she fucked her. It was nothing like Gill had known before, the way Janet meant every thrust of her wrist and movement of her tongue. This was Janet’s way of loving, being soft. Her fingertips like feathers on the insides of her thighs. Her tongue like velvet.
Gill came, hard, and Janet moved back up her body, melting into her, mouth on Gill’s. Gill tasted herself mixed with the Janet-ness, the way Janet’s mouth tasted, like coming home.
“I am never going to leave.” She whispered between kisses, holding Janet tightly against her body.
“We could get married… “ Janet chuckled saying it, but she realized that she really meant it upon saying it aloud. “Imagine you being here with me every night. I want you here, Gill. I don’t have a ring and it’s 3AM but marry me. Would you?”
“Yes.” Gill smiled against her skin, kissing Janet softly all over her face. “I can’t imagine anything more perfect…”
“You want to be my wife…” Janet whispered, grinning in the darkness.
“I want to be your wife!” Gill giggled and kissed her again, stroking Janet’s hair.
“I love you, Gill Murray.”
“I love you too, Janet Scott.” And they drifted off like that, snuggled tightly against each other, filled with giddiness about their future and finally happy for the first time in such a long time. Janet knew that the girls wouldn’t mind, and Gill would move in and they would fall asleep like this every night, together.