Chapter Text
Jin wasn’t used to emotions. Well, it’s not like he didn’t have any emotions at all back when he was in hell, but down there he was only equipped with what he needed to do his job - it’s not like he needed the full spectrum of emotions that humans usually have. He only needed some so he could pick up on what they were feeling while he was supervising their torture. But up here on earth, it felt like a constant bombardment of brightness and happiness, but also anger and sorrow. There was such a variety of colourful emotions that he could almost physically feel them, digging deep into his chest where his heart is alleged to be.
It was exhausting. It was merciless. It was exhilarating.
Jin did his best to blend in with the emotions around him, twist his face at the right moments to imply the necessary feeling, but he could tell that sometimes it didn’t quite click - glances thrown over shoulders at his job (he was a manager in a complaints compartment, even on earth he was torturing people), a quick little frown between Jungkook’s eyebrows every now and then, blank looks from the people that he talks to. He could see and read the feelings in the atmosphere around them, tried to adjust to them appropriately, but sometimes he just… missed the mark. Needed to put in more effort, needed to read the room more carefully, needed to consider the way he smiles and blinks more.
And then there was Yoongi, who never made him feel like he had to adjust to some weird emotion or expression. Yoongi, who made him feel… calm. Himself. Yoongi, who looked at him with that same dead, emotionless look that he sometimes saw in his eyes, glinting off reflective surfaces when he was alone. The look when his emotions just didn’t quite sit right in his eyes the way it should.
Jin liked being around Yoongi. He liked it more than he should. He liked figuring things out with him, because he was just as dumb as Jin about certain things, but he never let that embarrass or stop either of them. He approached every new situation with a gruff, grim determination, like if he couldn’t figure it out then he’d die trying - even if it was just trying to figure out why the toaster stopped working. Jin liked it when they sat together in silence, in their own worlds but still in each other’s company. He liked it when he said something that made Yoongi laugh one of his rare laughs, his eyes curling into crescents and mouth a toothy grin.
He liked Yoongi more than he should.
There was… something, an invisible something, that made Jin notice Yoongi more than the other humans. Or maybe it was because there was a lack of an invisible something. Jin was so used to honing in on human emotions so he could predict every negative reaction, every flash of heat in their chest, but he couldn’t do that with Yoongi. He was opaque in a world of vivid transparency, and Jin was drawn to the solidness of his colour. He never really knew what Yoongi was thinking, and that made him curious - his ultimate downfall in more than one way.
One time when he arrived home from work, Yoongi was sitting on the couch frowning at something in his hands. Small, white and green.
“What have you got there?” Jin asked as he slipped his shoes off at the door.
“Namjoon dropped this off for me,” Yoongi said. “Said that he and Jimin forgot to give a housewarming present, and the apartment could use more colour.”
“What is it?” Jin went over and sat next to Yoongi, their knees knocking together, legs flush. Yoongi didn’t shy away from the contact. In his hands, in a small white pot, was some type of plant with round green leaves sticking out from the dirt, with small golden spikes. “It’s a cactus,” Jin realised.
“Mmm.” Yoongi carefully looked at it, rotating it between his fingers. “Hope he isn’t trying to call me a prick.”
Jin snorted. He leaned over to gently move the potted cactus in Yoongi’s hands, fingers brushing. Yoongi glanced at Jin, but didn’t say anything. Just had that blank look on his face that Jin was used to, couldn’t read. Jin moved the pot, and saw there was a small graze at the top of one of the oval spikes. “Looks like there used to be a bit more there,” he remarked. “Maybe a bit broke off.”
“Namjoon did say that he couldn’t sell it, which was why he gave it to me.” Jin shot Yoongi a curious look. Where did Namjoon work again? “Namjoon works in a florist shop. He’s doing the flower arrangements for his wedding too,” Yoongi explained.
“Ah. Suits him.” Namjoon definitely seemed to be a man of nature. “Well, it’s a nice gift. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a plant before.”
“Neither.” Yoongi noticed a small piece of paper stuck at the base of the cactus in the dirt, plucked it out and read it. “Oh, there are instructions on how to take care of it. That’ll be--” Yoongi’s voice choked off, and something flashed across his face, too quick for Jin to properly notice. It surprised Jin - this small outburst that was too rare to analyse. It looked… angry, but that wasn’t exactly the right word. There were too many, too deep, and Jin needed to properly see it in order to figure it out.
“What is it?” Yoongi was the only person Jin had to ask what he was feeling.
For a moment Jin though Yoongi wasn’t going to reply, but he shook his head. There was something dark lurking in the back of his eyes, but it wasn’t anything Jin could guess. “Nothing. Namjoon just thinks he’s funny sometimes.”
Jin leaned over to read, gently moved Yoongi’s hand for a better view. He was leaning right into Yoongi, his head practically on his shoulder. It just looked like a tag that said it was a ‘Bunny Ear Cactus’, along with some basic info and instructions. Said it was cute and easy to care for. Like Yoongi?
“Maybe Namjoon is calling you broke,” Jin said, his eyes skimming past the part of the tag that said its scientific name and that also known as the Angel Wing Cactus.
“Probably.” Yoongi closed his eyes and leaned his head back, leaned a little to the side, his cheek brushing gently against Jin’s shoulder. He shifted his lower back, frowned a bit. Jin wondered if his back pain was playing up again. He hoped it wasn’t - Jin could never remember if heat packs or ice packs were better suited.
“It’s a cute plant though,” Jin said, gently placing it on the table in front of them.
“It is,” Yoongi replied softly.
If Yoongi harboured any ill wishes against Namjoon, he didn’t show it to him. He continued to spend time with Namjoon, sometimes going out, sometimes at their place. Jin had no clue what secret message was buried in the earth of the small pot, but he never saw any more of that darkness in Yoongi’s eyes when he chatted easily to Namjoon. Must’ve been an inside joke or something. Jin didn’t know how long they had been friends for, but he was guessing maybe a couple of years or something, since they were quite warm towards one another. Jin wondered that if he wasn’t aware that Namjoon was engaged to Jimin if he would feel different about the amount of time he spent with Yoongi. Whether that would change the way he saw them. No, that’s a dangerous thought, he wasn’t going to entertain it further.
Yoongi definitely didn’t bear any ill wishes towards the cactus. Every morning he placed it in the sunlight, carefully sprinkled water into the soil, checked it for bugs and growth. It was those small moments that Jin liked the most, when Yoongi looked down at it, his eyes were soft and warm, a small smile on his lips. Jin couldn’t read Yoongi’s emotions well, but he knew in those moments that he held so much affection for that little cactus that it spilled all over it like water. It was those small moments that made Jin’s chest ache, right in the place where he allegedly had a heart.
Jin didn’t know what to make of it. Jungkook didn’t either, but he was kind of distracted whenever Jin brought it up.
“Geez, you’ve been talking about Yoongi nonstop,” Jungkook whined. “It’s my turn to talk nonstop about Hobi!”
Jin blinked. “Hobi?”
“Hoseok,” Jungkook said reverently, with a dreamy sigh and a lovesick look. “He’s probably the coolest person ever and oh my god, I’m in deep.”
Jin sipped his drink. It was pink and sweet. He didn’t like it. “The guy you were talking to at the housewarming?”
“Uh, yeah,” Jungkook rolled eyes his like it was obvious. “Hoseok, aka Hobi, aka the love of my life and the future father of my children.”
W“hat?”
“I’m working on that last part. But seriously,” Jungkook took a serious sip of his own drink, warm and brown. “He is the best person I have ever met. He’s so nice, and pretty and kind, and the first person that I had no problem talking to from the get go.”
“What does that make me?”
“First human, then.” Jungkook slurped his drink, eyebrows raised. “Didn’t know I was that special to you.”
“I have exactly one friend here, and you’re not going to get rid of me anytime soon,” Jin smirked.
“One friend? Doesn’t Yoongi count? Or,” Jungkook took another long slurp, his eyebrows disappearing into his fluffy hair, little love hearts carefully inked under his intense gaze. “Do you think of Yoongi as more than a friend?”
Jin hesitated, the smirk slipping off his face. There’s a trick hidden in this. “He’s my roommate,” he said evenly.
“Uh huh. Whatever you say. Whatever floats your boat. Whatever bloats your goat. Whatever--”
“Alright, I get it,” Jin sighed. He looked at his glass, watched the pink bubbles gently pop. “It’s not like I can say anything,” he said quietly. “About what I am or whatever.”
“And why not? I took it well,” Jungkook pointed out.
“You also broke and entered into a private room in order to conduct a black magic ritual.”
“Alright, maybe I’m not exactly the definition of a reasonable person. But how do you know that Yoongi will take it badly?”
Jin was silent for a few moments. “I don’t,” he eventually said. “But I don’t want to risk it.”
Jungkook leaned forward onto his arms, his bottom lip sticking up slightly. “Man, you’re in deep too,” he said.
“I don’t even know if I’m in anything,” Jin said. “Emotions are…” He pulled a face, flapping his hand in front of it.
Jungkook laughed heartily. “Ain’t that the truth.”
You’re in deep too. Something about that… bothered Jin. It stuck itself in his brain, latched down hard. Why did it bother him? It didn’t make him feel annoyed, or angry, or anything. But why would it continue to echo around his head, long after he said goodbye to Jungkook?
Jin tried not to let it bother him. It was just words. Jungkook seemed to always be babbling to him, since he was one of the only people he felt comfortable speaking to. There was no weight in them. They were just words.
It was only a few weeks later that those words would really come back to haunt him. The rooftop of their apartment, while not very high, had a rather nice view, and Yoongi had recently been taking his afternoon coffee up there to watch the sunset. Every now and then Jin joined him, taking long puffs of fresh air. When he asked Yoongi why he’d been heading up there, he shrugged. “I like the view,” he simply said. Jin did notice that he stood as far away from the edge of the roof as possible, always looked up at the horizon but never down at the ground below. Sometimes he looked up into the sky, head tilted all the way back, blonde hair brushing down his face and down his neck, and his eyes glistened with something that Jin couldn’t exactly pinpoint but his best guess was… longing? Jin wasn’t sure. Yoongi was too hard to read.
One night they sat up there, talking about their days. Yoongi was chuckling about how he refused to sell some violent game to a kid, and Jin told him all the names one particularly disgruntled complaint said to him. The mood was light, there was a slight chill in the air. Jin’s former life felt far, far away.
Yoongi was too lazy to climb down the stairs to their second story apartment, so they decided to give the rusty old elevator a try. “If it breaks, I’m blaming you,” Jin said, eyebrows raised.
Yoongi waved a hand dismissively. “It’ll be fine.”
But sure enough, as the doors wheezed shut and the elevator jerked down, there was a clunk. Then a jarring crunch. Then the elevator dropped suddenly into freefall. Jin and Yoongi scrabbled for a handhold as they lost their balance when the elevator jarred to a stop, then dropped again, then stopped. Then the light flickered off. Yoongi mashed all the buttons, but no lights came on. The elevator didn’t move. They were stuck.
Yoongi sighed deeply, pressed the emergency button, talked to the tinny noise coming from the speaker. Jin didn’t listen. He was stuck. It was dark, and he was stuck and he couldn’t get out, and the walls came in closer and closer, too close, and it felt like that pressure on his chest from when he was sent through the earth, and it was tightening, too tight, can’t breathe. There was no space, no light, but the suffocating walls pressing closer and closer and he was stuck he was stuck he was stuck--
“Hey, hey Jin,” a cold hand gripped his arm tightly, Yoongi looking down at him. “Deep breaths.”
Jin hadn’t even realised he had collapsed to the ground, or that his chest was tight and his quick tight breaths weren’t doing anything, or that his hands were shaking violently. He just knew that he was stuck, it was too small, and he had to get out of there. It was too much like being sent up through the earth, that awful feeling of helplessness and lack of space.
“Seokjin,” Yoongi said louder. He took Jin’s head in his hands tightly. “Deep breaths.”
Jin shut his eyes, pushed the air in and out through his lips. It made his breath shudder. “Keep going,” Yoongi urged. Jin’s hands crept up, laced them over the top of Yoongi’s. They were cool to the touch, but they were real and solid and they were the only thing that assured him he wasn’t being blasted through the earth again, that the world was more than this suffocatingly tight box.
“Jin, it’s going to be okay.” Yoongi’s voice was clear, calm, and it managed to penetrate right into the inner corners of Jin’s psyche from the darkness. He felt his breaths deepen, his pulse slow down from its manic gallop. He felt Yoongi’s hands on his cheeks, strong and reassuring. All around him was Yoongi - his voice, his presence, his cool hands. Jin submerged himself in the sensation, the absolute guarantee that he was here, he was on earth, he was above hell, he wasn’t stuck. He was okay. He was with Yoongi.
Very slowly, Jin opened his eyes. As he did, the elevator jarred downwards and the lights flickered on. With a polite ding, the elevator doors opened.
“Huh,” Yoongi said. He turned to look back at Jin, but he was already scrambling to his feet and clambering out of the elevator. He flung himself outside into the stairwell, taking deep breaths as he gripped the hand rail tightly. After a few more breaths, he laughed weakly. “Let’s take the stairs next time.”
“Agreed.” Yoongi helped Jin down the stairs, his hand firmly on Jin’s back, carefully guiding him down each stairwell. It felt nice. It didn’t electrify Jin, or make his blood heat or anything like that, but… it felt comforting. Strong. It was everything Jin needed at that moment.
“I didn’t know you were claustrophobic,” Yoongi remarked, his dark eyes glancing at Jin.
“Neither did I.” Jin tried to smile, but it twisted weirdly on his cheeks so he dropped it. The whole situation unnerved him. He had no idea that he was susceptible to such panic, such fear. He didn’t even realise that being pushed through the earth had even affected him like that. But now the thought of being back in that small elevator made his skin crawl. No more elevators.
But Yoongi was there. Jin didn’t want to know what would’ve happened if he wasn’t. If his large hands weren’t there to anchor him down. If his deep voice wasn’t able to delve into his mind to quieten even the most frightening of thoughts. But he was, and Jin was so glad.
You’re in deep too. Jungkook’s voice floated in Jin’s mind. What did he mean by that?
Yoongi unlocked their apartment and led Jin inside, placed him carefully on the couch. He wedged a squishy pillow behind his back and went into the kitchen. Jin absent-mindedly listened to him clatter quietly around, his mind whirling. You’re in deep too. The realisation was right there, right about dawn on Jin. What was it? Did he want to realise?
A mug was being gently pushed into Jin’s hands, hot and steaming slightly. Jin blinked in surprise.
“It’s chamomile tea,” Yoongi said brusquely, looking away from Jin. “Jimin said chamomile tea always calms him down, so it should help.”
Jin carefully took the mug from Yoongi’s hand, fingers brushing. Sturdy and comforting. Yoongi sat down carefully next to Jin, blowing softly on his own mug, their legs and arms pressed together. Jin looked at Yoongi. You’re in deep too.
Oh.
Oh.
He was in love with Yoongi.
Yoongi glanced at Jin. “Do… you like chamomile?” he asked.
He nodded, turning away from Yoongi. “I do,” he said. He had never tried tea before, but he knew he would because he loved Yoongi. He was in too deep to say anything otherwise.
*
*
Jimin was way too invested in Yoongi’s love life, especially considering that he should be busy focusing on his wedding and not on whether his fallen angel friend would have a date for his engagement party. But for some reason, Jimin had decided that was the top priority, underlined and circled.
“I’m just saying, while you’re down here you should spread your wings out!” he grinned.
“I don’t know whether to smack you or ignore you forever,” Yoongi rolled his eyes. They were in a small function room, doing some last minute preparations for the engagement party. Taehyung had a full day of clients at the hair salon, Namjoon was busy at the floristry, and Jimin didn’t trust Hoseok’s taste buds (or alleged lack thereof), which meant that Yoongi was dragged along reluctantly as he was conveniently rostered off for the day. Yoongi had suggested rescheduling the meeting, but Jimin’s shifts at the vet clinic were crazy and he was determined to make use of any free day he managed to get his hands on. Jimin was carefully perusing the bar menu, checking out the tables, politely asking the staff member decoration options. Yoongi just kept his hands in his oversized green coat, dragged his feet as he trailed behind him. This was not how he wanted to spend his day off.
“What do you think, Yoongi?” Jimin said, turning to him. “Should we go with light blue or dark blue table runners?”
Yoongi sighed, very deeply. “Go with dark blue,” he muttered.
“Oh, but our love is like a summer sky, warm and long,” Jimin mused.
“Then go with light blue.”
“But it’s also deep and never ending, like the undiscovered sea…”
“I swear you’re doing this just to annoy me,” Yoongi said flatly.
“Me? Of course not, I’m always serious.” Jimin’s expression would almost be believable, if the corner of his lips weren’t twitching and his eyes glinting. He turned to the staff member. “I think we’ll go with dark blue.”
Yoongi tuned out, offering short responses to Jimin’s never ending questions. It was all such little things, and Jimin seemed to know what he wanted anyway. Why was he even here? “Hey, why didn’t you ask any of your family to come instead of me?” he complained.
Jimin paused from inspecting a table. He smiled, a little sadly. “I don’t exactly get along with my family,” he said. His voice was light, but Yoongi could read deeper.
“Ah. I’m sorry for bringing it up.” He should’ve been more careful, thought about his words more. He rubbed the back of his head, eyes on the ground.
“It’s okay. It doesn’t bother me anyway - I’ve got a better family now, with Namjoon.” He grinned at Yoongi, full of warmth. “You’re in it now, too.”
Yoongi blinked. “Me?”
“Of course! Why else would we strong arm you into all this planning?” Jimin wrapped an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders warmly. “You’re part of the family, whether you like it or not!”
Yoongi didn’t reply. Angels weren’t really meant to belong anywhere - they were the thin connection between heaven and earth, never settling in one place for long. He was also a loner, but that was more on him than being an angel. He didn’t know what it was like to belong somewhere, to be a part of a family. He was scared that he will screw it up. But he couldn’t deny it felt… nice.
“Ah, I can see that smile building up in there!” Jimin poked Yoongi’s cheeks. “I’ll get a genuine smile out of you yet!”
“Not happening.” Yoongi flattened his expression.
“Oh, don’t worry, I can wait.” Jimin smiled determinedly. “I waited for ages for Namjoon to propose, and look where we are now.”
A grim thought had captured Yoongi, and he felt compelled to ask. “Does your family not like you because…”
“Because I’m with Namjoon?” Jimin shook his head. “It’s one of many, if you can believe it. But it doesn’t bother me. Namjoon’s family adores me, and they supported me long before Namjoon and I even got together.” Jimin smiled warmly. “And Namjoon loves me, which is all I really need.”
“What’s it like?” Yoongi surprised himself by suddenly asking, the question slipping from his tongue. “To love someone like that.”
Jimin blinked in surprise too. “What do you mean?”
“Like… What does it feel like?” Yoongi sat down on the edge of the table. “How do you know you love someone?”
Jimin thought for a few moments, pulling out a chair. “Well, it’s different for every person, you know? Like the love between you and me is different than the love between me and Namjoon, right?”
“Right,” Yoongi nodded.
“But I think…” Jimin put his head on his chin thoughtfully. “... Love is support. It’s taking care of you, without even having to ask. Accepting all your faults and being there, no matter what. That feeling of ‘ah, I’m glad you’re here,’ when you come home from a long hard day.” Jimin shrugged. “But that’s just what I think. How come?”
Yoongi tried to think of an excuse, but he was too slow - Jimin’s eyebrows shot up, his mind clicking into gear. “You’re thinking about how you feel about Jin, aren’t you?”
“What? No. I’m just still confused by all this human stuff,” Yoongi tried to protest, but it was too late.
“You can’t fool me!” Jimin grinned and wiggled in his chair in delight. “You two would be so cute together! Like clueless dorks squared. I can’t wait to tell Namjoon!”
“You're not telling anyone anything because there’s nothing to tell,” Yoongi interjected. “I do not have a crush on Jin.”
“I didn’t say anything about a crush,” Jimin pointed out smugly.
Yoongi snapped his jaw shut with a click. He felt caught, for no reason. But he wasn’t trying to hide anything. Was he?
Jimin bounced out of the chair in delight. “Sorry, but if you told me, you told Namjoon! That’s how we work. We’re a unit. Partners in crime. And in other things, if you get my meaning.” Jimin waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Yoongi rolled his eyes. “But he’d get it out of me anyway, he’s very persuasive. He does this thing with his tongue where he--”
“I don’t need to know.” Yoongi rubbed his face in regret. “I don’t have any romantic feelings for Jin. I just wanted to know what love in general was like. Now I regret asking.”
“Yeah, and I said it was like comfort. And who makes you tea when you have a bad day at work as soon as you come in?”
“Jin,” Yoongi admitted glumly.
“And who helps you out when your… ‘back’ gets bad?”
“Jin…”
“And who do you cuddle on the couch basically every night?”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Yoongi insisted. Jimin looked at him, disbelief almost dripping off his face.
“Alright alright, stop it,” Yoongi shook his head. “ I know I could repeat this a thousand times, but I really don’t have any romantic feelings for him.”
Jimin raised his hands in acquiescence. “That’s okay, if you insist. But just so you know, I am already so excited to say ‘I told you so’.”
“You’ll be waiting a long time.”
Jimin smirked. “Will I?”
A staff member came up to them to discuss the menu, and Jimin and Yoongi spent the next hour deliberating and carefully tasting the function place’s elegant canapes. As Yoongi nibbled on dainty pastries, his mind ran. Damn Jimin, he’s planted a small seed within Yoongi’s mind, and it was already germinating. Don’t worry, Yoongi assured himself. Angels are immune to things like love. Jimin was just pushing his weird human ideas onto him. Jin was just his roommate, and any emotions Yoongi felt were platonic and casual. He was absolutely sure.
He couldn’t shake Jimin’s words from his mind when he eventually arrived home, wordlessly shouting his arrival. He didn’t know what it meant when Jin bounced up to greet him, a bright smile on his face as usual. Does it make him feel anything? Was Jin’s warm welcome just for him, or were his greetings like this for everyone?
“I saved you some jjajangmyeon,” he said, resting his head on the headrest of the couch with a smile. “It should still be warm.”
“Have it for lunch tomorrow, I ate way too much,” Yoongi’s face twinged, he felt way too full.
“Ah. Well. I was actually thinking about something for lunch tomorrow,” Jin said. His voice was even, but there was a nervous tinge to it. That was weird, Jin was usually calm and collected. Yoongi’s head tilted in hesitant confusion and he plopped down on the couch next to Jin. “What’s up?”
Jin kept on squeezing the pillow between his fists. “Well, there’s a new place near my work that has really good barbecue, and I thought it’d be fun if we tried it out after your shift tomorrow.”
Yoongi blinked slowly. “I thought barbecue was something you and Jungkook did together,” he pointed out, still a little lost.
Jin avoided eye contact. “It is, but… I kinda want to try it with you instead.”
Oh. A soft warm feeling bloomed in his chest, which Yoongi did his best to ignore. “Yeah, that sounds nice,” he found himself saying. Jin’s eyes brightened with happiness and maybe just a touch of relief, and the warm feeling spread to Yoongi’s hands and cheeks. Yoongi looked away, hoping that the warm feeling didn’t show. Jin leaped up and off the couch, filled with energy. “I’ll make a booking now! Oh, and wear something nice!” He ducked into his room, phone already to his ear.
Yoongi slumped down onto the couch, laced his fingers behind his head. After his chat with Jimin, this felt… like a coincidence, but eerily so. He remembered his words to Jimin, adamantly denying that he had any feelings for Jin. But the warmth was still sitting in his chest, and his heart seemed to kind of spike when he thought about tomorrow. They confused him, and Yoongi didn’t like being confused. But he couldn’t deny that the thought of spending a nice day with Jin, just the two of them, was… thrilling. Yoongi found himself smiling, a bit hesitant, a bit silly. Tomorrow was going to be a day to remember.
Yoongi knew that his nervous excitement was getting to him when he knocked over the games on the shelf for the third time that day.
“Whoa, what’s up with you today?” his boss drawled. He never had much energy, even when chastising.
Yoongi shrugged, but his face burned as he scooped the games up and put them haphazardly on the shelf. “Sorry. I’m just distracted. I’m going out after this.”
“What, on a date?” Yoongi’s face burnt even more. The manager smirked, but didn’t say anything more.
It was a date, right? It was probably a date. It felt different than all the other times they went out together - maybe it was the nervous energy Jin had when he asked Yoongi, or the way he said he wanted to go with just him, or even just the way he insisted that they dress up nicely for it. But it felt different, and Yoongi found himself counting down to when his shift ended.
Yoongi drummed his fingers against the counter as he stared hard at the small clock on the register, willing for it to change. Three… two… one… and it ticked over. He looked over to ask his manager if there was anything he’d like for him to do before he left, but he just waved a hand lazily at him. “Get outta here.” Yoongi darted round the counter into the back room, physically holding himself back from running to his locker and pulling his backpack out. His hands shook as he tried to button up his shirt. Stupid, stupid, why was he being so weird? Was it really a date? He didn’t tell Jimin or Namjoon because he knew he would never hear the end of it, but now his head was brimming with thoughts, most of them nervous and uncertain, all questions and no answers. He threw his backpack into his locker, haphazardly tucked his shirt into his jeans (Yoongi liked to think it was stylishly oversized, or he hoped that it looked like that) and ran his fingers through his hair a few times. He really needed to get his roots touched up. He didn’t even realise that his wing hadn’t bothered him all day.
Yoongi walked quickly to where he agreed to meet Jin, a little late, a little anxious. He could see him leaning against the wall, and it wasn’t even fair how good he looked in a black collared shirt and jeans. Even though Yoongi was wearing a similar outfit, he felt a little frumpy in comparison. But it was too late - he had already spent hours agonising what would constitute as “nice”, and this was the closest thing he could find in the piles of clothes scattered around his room. It was either this or his ugly work polo shirt.
Jin looked up and smiled brightly at Yoongi. “Hey, you made it.” he blinked. “Is that my shirt?”
Shit. Yoongi looked down at the blue shirt panickedly. He had wondered when he bought it - he assumed it was Namjoon’s when he pulled it from a pile of socks. “Oh. Shit. I’m sorry, it ended up in my laundry and I--”
“No no, don’t worry about it!” Jin waved his hands dismissively, but the tips of his ears were pink. “Keep it. It looks nice on you.”
“Okay,” Yoongi said hesitantly. Jin thought he looked nice. That warm feeling settled back in his chest, buzzing cheerfully. He cleared his throat to try and dislodge it. “Let’s head off then.”
The walk to the restaurant was silent, but not uncomfortable. It felt different - as if both of them knew that they were venturing into unknown territory, and yet… it wasn’t scaring them. Yoongi was used to the feeling of the unknown ever since he fell from heaven, that edge of terror that leaked out from his bones when he felt at a loss for everything, but he didn’t feel this with Jin. He glanced at the taller man. He could still remember his panic attack in the elevator, the way he just seemed to seize up and collapse to the floor. Yoongi won’t lie - it scared him to see Jin like that. He never even considered the idea that Jin was claustrophobic. Even now, there was nothing to suggest that he hid that fear inside of him, but Yoongi remembered having to dig deeply to try and draw out some of his angelic power to soothe him, in the same way he would use it to soothe a dying person. Jin’s eyes were dark and bright, but Yoongi still remembered the way his eyes squeezed shut, his hands trying to cover them. He also remembered lacing his fingers with his, and how nice they felt.
“How are you feeling?” Yoongi asked, a little cautiously.
“I’m feeling great! I’m keen to try this place out, I heard it’s good.” Jin glanced at Yoongi. “How about you? Is your back okay?”
Yoongi rolled his shoulders, Jin’s gaze heavy. “Pretty good. That’s a nice surprise.”
“It sure is.” Jin’s gaze lingered for a few more seconds before he jerked away. “Oh look, we’re here.”
The date went well. It was never spoken aloud whether it was a date or not, but Yoongi could tell that this outing was not like their usual ones, and he could tell that Jin had figured that out too. Even with that strange, nervous yet thrilling energy that ran as an undercurrent to all their actions, they didn’t act any differently. They still asked each other how work was in the same way, still shared their food as usual, still made jokes and stupid comments. Yoongi said something that made Jin laugh so much that he choked on a piece of bulgogi, one hand covering his mouth and the other flapping around. It was ugly and undignified, and it was a reaction that only Yoongi could get out of Jin. Just like how only Jin could get that wheezy laugh out of Yoongi, the one that made him grin wider than he thought possible. It feels easy to be with Jin. It doesn’t feel like Yoongi has to pretend to be something he isn’t. He didn’t feel like he is a silent intruder amongst the world, a banished soul. He just felt like Yoongi. Jin smiled at him, warm and soft, and Yoongi has to look away because his heart is pounding so hard in his chest that it almost hurt.
They stayed in the restaurant for so long that they were politely asked to leave. Jin tried not to laugh as he paid the bill while Yoongi buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. They ventured out, the sun bathing everything in gold. Golden hour. The air was starting to turn cold - winter was approaching rapidly, and Yoongi should’ve brought a coat. He leaned into Jin to try and absorb some of his heat. Their hands brushed, and Yoongi almost jumped. He didn’t shy away, though.
“So,” Jin said conversationally. One hand was in his jean pocket, the other brushed against Yoongi’s hand again. “Did you like the restaurant?”
“Yeah, it was really good.” Yoongi didn’t remember a single thing he ate, but he did remember Jin’s hands and the way he carefully turned the meat on the grill, his longer fingers gripping the tongs. He slowly, hesitantly, reached out to gently grab some of Jin’s fingers. Jin didn’t pull away. A flush of happiness skipped through Yoongi’s body, his heart hammering against his ribcage.
“Would you want to do it again?” Jin asked, dragging the words out.
“The barbecue? Uh, sure, why not.”
“Oh, I… I mean, the going out thing. With me.”
“Ah.” This was unfamiliar territory, and Yoongi didn’t know how to navigate it. When Yoongi didn’t answer straight away, Jin started to babble. His grip on Yoongi’s fingers tightened slightly.
“I-I mean, if you want to of course. We already went out a lot before this - well, not like this, but we still - I mean--”
Yoongi stopped, and Jin stopped a step after, looking back at Yoongi with a mix of confusion and nervousness. Yoongi wasn’t looking at Jin though - he was looking ahead, at a crowd that had gathered at the edge of the road. “Something happened,” he said. An ambulance pulled up, wailing and flashing red and blue.
“Oh, that’s unfortunate. Let’s walk around it--” Yoongi ignored Jin and walked up to the crowd, almost in a daze. He didn’t think, he just… was drawn there, felt his legs move of their own volition. It should be unnerving, but Yoongi was familiar with this feeling before. His fingers slipped out of Jin’s, their warmth fading away into Yoongi’s skin.
The crowd parted to make room for Yoongi, no one acknowledging his presence. Yoongi could hear Jin calling out his name, but it sounded far off and echoey, like a voice from across the beach being drowned out by the waves. He looked around at the people, all looking concerned at the injured man being tended to by the paramedics. “There’s no one here,” Yoongi said quietly, in a daze. He could feel the flickering aura of the man, could see it grow dimmer and dimmer. He was dying, but there was no angel. Where was their angel?
Yoongi knew he shouldn’t, knew the rules against stepping in over an angel and their assigned soul, but he didn’t want to see this poor man’s soul disappear into purgatory. He stepped forward, kneeled and took the man’s hand. The paramedics didn’t react to his presence, but he could feel himself float gently down into the soft alternate reality, where could only be seen by the soul in his hands. He felt his back shudder, and his wings stretched out behind him, brushing against the ground. His left wing stung, but he ignored it as he stared into the man’s eyes. “Hey,” he said softly, using his angelic power to soothe the man. “It’s going to be okay.”
The man blinked back tears, his face bloody. “A-are you…?” He couldn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t need to - Yoongi nodded, and he felt the man’s hand relax slightly. His eyes glanced between Yoongi’s face and his wings.
“I guess this is it, then,” the man said, weakly but wryly.
“Don’t worry, you’re going to a good place.” Yoongi knew what he had to say to him. “You’ll be with him again. He’s been waiting for you.”
The man’s eyes glistened. “He has?”
“He’s missed you so much, and he’s so excited to see you. It’ll stop hurting soon, all of it.”
The man smiled weakly, and his hand started to slip.
Someone sat next to Yoongi, touched his shoulder. He glanced at them - a young woman squatted next to him, with white-blonde hair, dark eyes and duck egg blue wings. Yoongi knew of only one angel with wings like that. “Jinsoul,” he said.
Jinsoul smiled wryly at him. “Even when banished, you’re still helping me out, huh?” She gently took the man’s hand from Yoongi’s, her fingers ice cold.
“You never could get the timing right.”
She laughed shortly, then glanced at his broken wing. “I heard about what happened.” She didn’t say sorry, or try to appease Yoongi with words. She knew he didn’t want them. That’s why he always liked Jinsoul - she always knew where the boundaries were.
“I’ll leave it to you,” he said. He stood up, watched as Jinsoul softly spoke to the man. For a moment, both he and her seemed to glow, and then there was a soft green aura floating in her hand. She held it tenderly, almost lovingly. But angels didn’t know how to love.
“Thanks for stepping in. I won’t lie, I’m surprised to see you like this,” she said. Her features were soft, but her eyes were dark, black. “Be careful.”
Yoongi frowned. “Only other angels can see us right now.”
“No,” she said, and her eyes flickered behind Yoongi. “Only mortals can’t.” She gave Yoongi a meaningful look, then spread her wings and launched into the air. A single feather floated down to the ground in her wake. He looked up, a little wistfully, as she soared away.
Yoongi let the feather gently touch the ground, watched it fade away, leaving no trace of the angel. Yoongi sighed, and stepped into the crowd to slowly emerge back into the more substantial reality. He watched the paramedics try the defibrillator one more time, but he knew it was pointless - the man had been taken to heaven. Someone tried to disperse the crowd, so Yoongi took that opportunity to walk back to Jin, who was standing silently nearby.
“Uh, sorry about that, I guess I thought I could help.” Yoongi knew it was a weak excuse, but it was better than nothing.
“Yoongi.” Jin’s voice was different - it wasn’t the soft, gentle voice that Yoongi was so used to hearing. It made Yoongi glance up at Jin, and he almost didn’t recognise him. His eyes were hard, and his face completely emotionless. “I saw you.”
Yoongi swallowed the sense of foreboding that was lodged in his throat. “Yeah, I was in the crowd, and I--”
“No.” Jin never interrupted him. “I saw you.” Fear sliced down Yoongi’s back, and his wing twinged. No. There was no way he would’ve seen Yoongi’s wings. No mortal has ever seen his wings, and no one ever will - it was a divine power intrinsic to angels.
Only mortals can’t. Jinsoul’s words whispered in his head. A sliver of fear sliced up Yoongi’s spine. For the first time, in the months that he’s been living with Jin, Yoongi looked at Jin’s eyes - and really looked. They looked dark brown, just as normal, but then… deeper, past the brown, he saw them. Poisonous yellow, slitted pupils. Demon.
Yoongi’s body seized up, his breath going short. Jin’s a demon. He’s been living with a demon. Jin’s a demon . Jin must’ve seen the panic on Yoongi’s face - he looked worried, concerned for him. Demon. “Yoongi, are you okay?” He tried to reach out for him, but Yoongi stepped back. Hurt flashed across Jin’s features, made Yoongi feel sick.
“Yoongi,” he said again, slower, trying to soothe him. Demon . “Let’s talk about this.”
Yoongi didn’t know what to do. He looked at Jin - how did he not notice those yellow eyes? - and felt… too much. It was all too much. He didn’t know what to do.
So he ran.