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Malcolm turned around when the video paused, surprised to see Gil standing behind him. He’d thought that he was alone, but he was so so glad that Gil had stayed. He needed to apologize, but he also needed to not be alone.
“I- I’m sorry,” he whispered, clenching his fists in a futile attempt to stop his hands from shaking.
Gil took a step forward and reached out to gently grab the back of Malcolm’s neck.
“There’s nothing to apologize for, kid.”
“I- I should’ve- I-”
Malcolm stumbled forwards and Gil wrapped his other arm around him, pulling him close.
“I should’ve- I didn’t- I should have trusted you. I’m so- I’m so sorry,” he mumbled.
“It’s okay, Malcolm. It’s okay.”
“No, I- I-” he cut himself off, pressing his face into Gil’s shoulder.
He felt Gil gently rubbing his back and he just didn’t understand. He opened his mouth and just let out a long, muffled, frustrated scream into Gil’s shoulder before completely breaking down into tears.
“Oh Malcolm,” Gil whispered, moving his hand to cradle Malcolm’s head against his shoulder.
“I don’t- I can’t,” he gasped, unable to speak through his sobs.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.”
Gil carefully walked backward until he felt his the backs of his knees bump into the couch. He sat down, pulling Malcolm down to sit practically on top of him, not letting go of him at any point with him.
He let him cry for a while, just rubbing his back and running his fingers through his hair, but when he was still sobbing just as hard as he was in the beginning after about ten minutes, Gil started to become concerned.
“Malcolm? Malcolm, can you slow down and take a breath for me?” he asked.
He felt Malcolm frantically shake his head and pulled away just enough to see his face. Malcolm immediate grabbed onto his shirt, not wanting him to leave.
“Not leaving,” he said reassuringly. “Can you look at me?”
Malcolm shook his head.
“Okay. That’s alright,” he said.
On to Plan B, then. He pulled Malcolm back against him, tucking his head under his chin before grabbing one of his hands and putting it against his chest.
“I want you to breathe with me, okay?” he said, taking some deep breaths. “Just try to follow my breathing.”
Malcolm nodded, but the first minute or so was filled with sobs that were interspersed with gasps.
“You’re doing great. Just keep trying to breathe.”
After a few more minutes, the sobs turned to hiccups and the gasps became more and more like actually breaths of air. Malcolm had started to untense and was relaxing into Gil, exhausted. He hadn’t slept in around 48 hours and even that was just three hours of nightmare-riddled sleep.
Gil let go of Malcolm’s hand, letting Malcolm pull it back against him and moved his hand up to run his fingers through the other man’s hair.
Malcolm relaxed impossibly more and could feel himself drifting off to sleep. He forced his eyes open, tensing up.
“I- nightmare, restraints. Hurt you,” he said, practically incoherent.
“I’ll wake you up,” Gil reassured. “Just let yourself relax. You need sleep.”
Malcolm opened his mouth to protest but decided against it. He was just so tired and he actually felt safe for once and he wanted to sleep. Instead, he closed his eyes and let himself drift off into a rare, peaceful sleep.