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The house seemed to be swarming with people. Pope had seen people all over the pool, in each and every room, diving into every crevice and making out, grinding against one another. Warmth and fire everywhere. That was being a normal teenager, Pope guessed.
Angela was still down in the pool, laughing after Pope had avenged her honor. Baz was entertaining both Lucy and Cath – Pope thought of her with a pang of hurt – down by the grill, drinking and acting like he had never been a scared little kid and had always been a big man.
Pope tried to be the big man, big temper, loose cannon, but inside he was always scared. His brain was always going a mile a minute and singing out – wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Where was Julia? He hadn’t seen her yet, though she had to be around here somewhere. He had seen her this morning when he had woken up and rolled to the side, finding his face pressed up against her shoulder.
It hadn’t been like that for a little while now; not since Baz had arrived. Baz had changed up everything that Pope had known.
He began to get worried after another ten minutes of peering around at unfamiliar faces. Where had all these people come from? Why was Smurf letting them invite all these random people over?
He stepped on to the stairs, beginning to pant.
“Julia?” Pope called. “Julia?” His voice was starting to get frantic, starting to catch in his throat, but he didn’t care.
He made it to the door of them room and found it shut. He tried the door. Locked.
“Julia? You in there?” He began to bang on the door with his palm. “Julia?”
A tiny voice called back, “Andrew? Is that you?”
“Who else would it be?”
The door cracked open, ever so slightly, and Julia’s voice continued, “You can come in, Andrew.”
Pope slipped past the door and locked it behind him.
Julia was spread-eagled on the bed, with her eyes staring up at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?” Pope asked quietly. She seemed silent, staring, withdrawn. He climbed on to the bed and laid down next to her, not quite touching, not yet.
“No,” she replied. Her fingers outstretched and touched Pope’s, brushing against them gently. “Our mother is evil.”
Pope turned his head to look at her.
“She’s not evil,” he commented, “She’s just… complicated. She’s just a confused person. You know, I mean she works hard to give us the best life. Look at this house, Julia. Isn’t it amazing?”
“You’re just parroting her,” Julia fired back. “Do you know what she did to me?”
Pope sat up, craning his head in, lips pursing in concern.
“What did she do?” he asked. She shook her head.
“Andrew, we can’t… I don’t want to talk about that now. I just want to be here with you. I… I’m babbling. I took something. I don’t know what… I wanted to feel…”
“Julia?”
“Oh, Andrew, I took something. I don’t know…”
Pope leaned in, wrapping his arms around Julia and pulling her in tight.
“I’m not going anywhere, Julia. Don’t be scared – I’ll be here with you.”
“But there’s a whole party out there, Andrew.”
“I’m not really a joiner.”
Julia let out a shrill giggle and flung a hand against Pope’s shoulder.
“You’re so silly.”
“Not silly. Just don’t care about any of those people. I only care about you.”
Julia turned her face, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Pope’s lips.
He went rigid beneath her.
“Julia,” he whispered. It had been different when they had been younger; they were always playing house. But they weren’t children anymore, and Pope was suddenly sure that if Smurf knew something about this, she would be furiously angry.
She would say that only she was allowed to touch Pope like that.
“Don’t be silly, Andrew,” Julia said, kissing him again. “I love you… Just stay here with me. Don’t you remember – you can be the Papa and I can be the Mama.”
Pope’s heart ached in his chest and his hands began to shake as he let out a hiss.
“I remember,” Pope whispered back, “But we’re a little old to play that game now, aren’t we?”
She shook her head.
“Not.” She trailed a hand down Pope’s side, reaching to cup his ass. He shivered.
“It’s bad,” he protested, taking her hand in his and raising it to his lips, kissing it gently. He had to convince her no – he had to stop this.
But if he did, he would lose her to Baz. He had seen the way he looked at her, like sometimes he just couldn’t believe his luck.
Like she wasn’t quite a sister.
She had always been Pope’s sister, but she was more than that, too. They had been together, always been together.
The idea of Julia ever leaving was enough to make Pope rip his own heart out.
“Is that what you want?” he asked then, hesitating. She was high, not thinking clearly. He couldn’t do this to her, it wouldn’t be fair.
She would regret it and then she would be afraid of Pope just like everyone else was.
“Please, Andrew. I can trust you…” She looked up into his eyes. “I need you.”
“When you wake up,” Pope whispered, draping an arm in hers. “Then… then we will.”
***
“Andrew?”
Pope must have fallen asleep, though he didn’t know when, for now the sunlight was streaming into his eyes as the backdrop to his sister’s mumbled voice.
He turned his head and took her in, all over again, looking tired and overwrought, as if it had been days since she slept, with bags under her eyes and red rims around the whites of her eyes.
“Does your offer still stand?” she asked, reaching up to rub at them. “I can’t tell you everything. Not anymore, Andrew. But I need to know that I can count on you for this.”
“Julia, you know that I want to,” Pope began, but Julia cut him off by leaning in, pressing her lips against his and breathing him in, pressing her hands against his shoulders.
Pope thought to himself – we can’t, we shouldn’t, we can’t, and wanted to push her off but couldn’t bring himself to. It felt right to be with her, to let her touch him. Not the way the other thing had been – he wouldn’t think about the other thing, the bad thing that he hadn’t talked about when they took him away because that meant he would be away forever.
If Smurf found out… Well Smurf found out everything anyway, knew everything anyway, but that didn’t stop him from leaning in to kiss her again and breathing in her scent, all chlorine and ocean air and sweat and dread.
If Smurf didn’t want them doing this, then she shouldn’t have let them share a bed.
“Julia,” Pope managed, before they began to roll over one another, with her letting out a tiny “eek” of excitement like she was riding BMX bikes with the boys all over again, proving she was tough enough to join in.
He would protect her, whatever it took. Even if he had to protect her from Smurf.
Pope was breathy and his eyes swung shut and everything was wrong/right/wrong.
He needed to keep Smurf’s voice out of his head.
Maybe Julia was him, the better him, the voice he should keep, thrumming through his heart.
Maybe she would never lead him astray.
He let his hand slide down her side, pushed every thought to the side, and let her guide him. Everything else meant nothing.