Chapter Text
"I can't believe you chose this as your first show back," Shisui said for the tenth time that hour. "Eventing. Jesus Christ, Itachi, Eventing."
"If I can make it through this, I should be golden for all other competitions, right?" Itachi teased back lightly. The possibility of being, not just in the saddle, but in the show ring, had him euphoric. Shisui's worry could not touch Itachi. He was floating.
He had missed competing. He had missed every detail about it from travel logistics to the actual performance itself.
"Today's dressage," Itachi added, trying to mollify Shisui. Every Uchiha's first true discipline was dressage. Madara called it the only way to compete on a horse. He specialized in breeding for it and trained the elite for it. People would sell their soul to have the grizzled old man tell them they and their hundred thousand dollar horse were a disgrace to the sport and should both be made into shoe leather. Itachi and Shisui had been groomed and fully expected to be the next kings of the sport.
When Shisui had taken his world-class dressage horse to a decently high level of a reining championship, Madara had completely disowned Shisui, sent the cops to get the horseback, very nearly gotten Shisui arrested, and banned Shisui from the barn. That had resulted in Itachi not setting foot near the barn in protest, which had eventually led to Shisui being allowed back on the grounds.
All of that had made Itachi's switch to jumping far more palatable.
Digression aside, today would be the easy day. The safe day.
"Tomorrow is cross country," Shisui went on, staring away into space in abject horror. "Cross country."
Itachi patted Baby on the neck. "I'm sorry he's this way." Baby pricked delicate ears and turned his rather blocky head to Itachi. The little bay stud had been Shisui's project for years, dropped from a prized imported mare and gifted to Shisui to train when he'd finally consented to work full time at the family stables. Baby had been a bribe, but he was worth it. Shisui had always been good with young things.
"Baby will take care of me," Itachi added, come around the back of the stallion to look at Shisui. Shisui was holding onto Baby's reins and simply staring into space.
"He's just a baby," Shisui looked at Itachi. "You're both babies."
"Baby," Itachi patted the horse's rump. "Is international champion bloodlines and champion stable trained, and this baby--" Itachi pointed to himself and felt his face go red as he said it. "Is a FEI World Equestrian Games gold medalist. We'll be fine. My ego may never recover if I don't place, but we'll be fine."
"Last time I watched you jump--" Shisui stopped. It hadn't phased Itachi in this way. He didn't remember it. He had simply swung back into the saddle as soon as medically cleared and pointed the genial and reliable Oscar at a fence. He hadn't considered anything else. Itachi had been waiting to complete the ride in his mind. You didn't quit and you always got back on.
Shisui had been unable to stop living that moment.
Itachi closed off Shisui's sentence with a palm towards Shisui. "You're here, and you're my good luck charm." Shisui had started that, declaring his baby cousin his "good luck charm" to justify carrying Itachi everywhere and to every show. The first time Itachi had won blue he had smiled and returned the favor.
Madara always said luck was a lie. They won because they had the training and good horses. They won because they put the hours and years into the sport with a single-minded dedication that would not allow for anything but mastery.
Shisui stopped for a second, looking at Itachi. He looked again, eyes refocussed and gaze entirely different. Itachi felt the track of eyes up his body like he hadn't before. "Should I tell you exactly how I'm going to get you out of this getup afterward?"
"Yes, go ahead and tell me, because these are getting hung up and bagged with the greatest care, and you're not going to touch them," Itachi countered. He placed his top hat on his head and gave Shisui his most challenging look.
"....I don't have any defense because you're in tight white pants, you've got a crop, and your hair's in a bun," Shisui admitted. He pushed the top hat up and leaned in to kiss Itachi softly in the mouth.
"For luck," Shisui said as he pulled back.
~
The Uchiha family revolved around horses. Uchiha Madara had founded a stable steeped in tradition and already possessing prize horses. How he came by the horses and the money no one could ever quite say. Shisui thought he must have murdered someone. Whatever the case, Madara became a household name when it came to top horses, and the name in Dressage.
Itachi had been doomed to live in the show ring the moment he was born. He attended his first show in utero. Mikoto barely took a break to be pregnant, as three months after Itachi was born, she was getting back into condition to ride in the next season. Dressage was her passion, which was likely the entire reason Madara had orchestrated her marriage to his woefully unequestrian grandson Fugaku.
Fugaku's work with horses only extended to accounting for the family business. Working for family he likely could have raised Itachi and worked, but Fugaku lacked any kind of nurturing instinct, even towards his son. Thus, Itachi was handed off to Shisui's grandfather Kagami. Kagami worked at the stable full time but juggled that schedule to include a small human in need of the best love and care possible.
Madara was Kagami's uncle, which made Kagami Fugaku's first cousin once removed, and Itachi Kagami's first cousin twice removed. It made Shisui and Itachi second cousins once removed.
Kagami strapped his tiny first cousin to his chest to teach lessons, placed a basinet in his office, and made Itachi the instant mascot of the stable. Shisui's first memories of Itachi were of running off the school bus to grab his snacks from the house, and rocketing to the stable where he would find Itachi waking from his afternoon nap and ready for his afternoon snack. The highlight of Shisui's young life was getting a grumpy Itachi out of his bassinet to be snuggled and fed.
Before long it was Itachi and Shisui racing off the bus together to throw themselves into the stable they had left only hours before. They had lessons and barn chores and shows to prepare for because it was never a question of if they were interested in horses or showing. They were simply assumed to be interested, and they were marvelously adept having grown up steeped in horses and terminology and born to ride.
Shisui was fickle, wanting to train and breed and compete all in turns, but Itachi had one solid goal. He would be what his mother had wanted to be. Itachi would become a world class equestrian.
And, of course, he did.
~
Itachi and Shisui crammed into the small living space of the gooseneck trailer for the night. The novelty of it still fascinated Itachi. He watched Shisui brushing his teeth, something he had watched Shisui do multiple times before. They had slept together for years, two budding genius children constantly thrown together to be shuttled from show to show to trainer. Shisui's space had been Itachi's space. His things Itachi's things. Itachi had been an extension of Shisui, and Shisui had been the center of Itachi's world.
Nothing had really changed, but everything had a different meaning.
"What?" Shisui asked as he looked up.
"I feel nostalgic." Itachi shrugged. He was wearing Shisui's T-shirt. Shisui paused and looked at Itachi as he had recently begun to. He did not take for granted Itachi's presence as he used to. He looked at Itachi, close inspection and evaluation with a hungry edge always lurking beyond the civil politeness.
"I'm realizing I always missed you when you were gone," Shisui said as he walked over to the bed and sat down. It creaked. "When I left or when you left. I was always waiting for you to come back."
"You couldn't get away from me for almost a decade," Itachi pointed out. "Naturally you'd feel the absence of your shadow when I wasn't there."
"I could stand another decade like that," Shisui admitted softly.
Itachi felt the smile growing from somewhere deep inside. "Only a decade?"
"You're kind of a patronizing little shit," Shisui admitted. Itachi laughed as Shisui leaned over to kiss his temple. "For luck."
"Do you know what I don't need tomorrow?" Itachi asked, turning to push Shisui back and climb on top of him, pulling off the oversized shirt and throwing it over Shisui's face. "Luck."
~
The fall happened in the jump off. Shisui was watching with all the stable's students who could make it in because they always watched Itachi ride. Madara watched in his separate study because he never missed any of Itachi's rides either. Itachi might not have gone the proper way of Dressage, but he was still Madara's favorite.
Itachi was riding a large gelding call Scorpio who was doing well. They'd jumped together before, and Itachi had been very optimistic about what the horse could do when Shisui had spoken to him yesterday. They started clean, but Scorpio faltered a little as they came down from the third vertical.
Shisui should have known it then. He blamed the horse as he saw the stumble, but the horse was doing best he could. Next was a tricky liverpool that had given almost everyone trouble. Itachi was a master He had the horse turned and ready and they rose into the air. The take-off was too early, but the gelding was a scopey jumper he could clear it. He would be fine--
But Shisui was standing before the horse even landed.
The horse was perfect. Itachi was not. Itachi was perfect. He always had perfect form, perfect timing, perfect balance, but not today. Scorpio stumbled as he landed, nearly falling, but kept himself up because he was a champion as much as Itachi. It was not Scorpio's fault he had become unbalanced.
On the replay, it was obvious Itachi had lost that perfect form a jump before. On replay, Shisui could see the slow fall of Itachi's coordination as he slowly lost control of his body.
And fell.
Scorpio could not balance when his rider had become dead weight. Itachi fell, limp as a ragdoll he crashed from the saddle under the staggering horse as the crowd rose and the announcers were shocked into silence.
And Shisui stood thousands of miles away, watching it on a tiny television screen.
Someone was on the field, kneeling by Itachi in seconds, but Itachi did not move. He lay crumpled. Hands were waving. Hands were bringing in medics and stretchers and Shisui had never wished more to be instantly somewhere else.
~
"I am fine," Itachi insisted as they waited for his turn at the course.
"I should be riding," Shisui insisted.
"Shisui, I am medicated and the doctor cleared. If I feel dizzy or lightheaded I will stop." Itachi leaned back into Shisui a bit, holding Baby's reins loosely. Baby watched everything around him with growing anticipation.
"I," Shisui said. "I am having a panic attack."
Itachi turned to look at Shisui. Shisui had a fixed stare, and Itachi realized Shisui meant every single worry he had said out loud. Shisui would fuss about things, but this was not idle griping. This was a compulsive terror he couldn't control. Itachi gripped Shisui's arm. "Do you need me to not ride?"
Shisui's eyes seemed to get wider. He looked at Itachi. He was sweating. He was panicked, and Itachi could see every hour Shisui had spent desperately trying to get to Itachi's side from half a world away pressing down into him and threatening to break him apart.
"If you need me to, I won't." Itachi was ready. Itachi felt more than ready, but he did not have to do it now. For Shisui, he would wait.
"No," Shisui managed. "You need to ride.
"I need you to ride.
"I need to see you do it." Shisui gripped Itachi's arm hard enough to bruise. Itachi did not remember anything of the fall. Scorpio had kicked him in the head, and he would never remember much of that day. He could see in replays how he had gone odd after the first jump. Even after seeing the images of the heart defect and passing out during the stress test, the fall from Scorpio did not seem real.
For Shisui, it had been his only reality. That fall--that forward faint under a jumping horse had dominated his life for the past year.
~
Shisui had noticed the growing tension between himself and Itachi. Mostly, Shisui put it down to the fall. Shisui was a nervous wreck over Itachi's fall. Itachi did not take being smothered well.
Riders fell all the time, and Itachi had fallen before, but this was different. This was not a technical fault but an unknown biological failing of Itachi's body almost killing him. Something about the experience had put Shisui into a panic mode he couldn't turn off, and after freaking out on his beginner jumping class, Shisui went to a doctor. He had to be able to work with horses. He had to get over this hurdle like he told all his students.
No quitting.
Itachi had always been Shisui's favorite person. Favorite being in the universe. Trying to unwrap that concept and the feeling of thinking he had just watched Itachi die thousands of miles away in real-time took work. It took time. It took breaking down what Itachi was to Shisui in all the facets, including what he had been and had Itachi was now to Shisui. It brought Shisui to a very strange place.
A place where Shisui realized who his twenty-one-year-old second cousin once removed was to him had changed. Grown. Itachi as a child had been an extension of Shisui. Shisui and Itachi had been a pair, always connected, and Shisui always knew where Itachi was and what he was doing and what he should be doing instead of what he was doing.
Itachi as an adult--they were not a pair. Not in that same way. And seeing Itachi fall like that, Shisui had realized something.
Itachi was literally the person Shisui loved most in the entire world. No one else ever compared.
And seeing Itachi now so casually dressed in barn clothes and oversized T-shirts with his hair down or low ponytail or messy braids was fucking with Shisui's perspective and he was realizing he did not just love Itachi.
He was in love with him. With his voice and his body and the fall of his hair and his collarbones and hands and legs and every little thing about Itachi seemed to be the most precious things in the world to Shisui.
And Itachi was at his most on a horse. Itachi became more than mortal. He became something transcendent when he was on a horse. Even as an awkward teen Itachi had become grace incarnate in the saddle. Shisui had always loved to watch Itachi ride, and even more to ride with Itachi.
And now Shisui was going to have a panic attack because he had just opened the door to the indoor arena, and Itachi was riding Oscar around the ring. And some moron had set up jumps.
Itachi was jumping.
Itachi was cantering Oscar around and heading for the first jump. Shisui couldn't run, because you did not run in the barn. He watched Itachi sit stable in the saddle. Perfect balance. Perfect control. The doctor's had unearthed the reason for the faint, but they were skeptical that it could be completely cured with medications. It could be possible exertion would cause another faint from a saddle at high speed, or it might never happen again.
The possibility would just always be there.
Itachi set Oscar to the first jump. A small one. Barely a jump. Oscar cleared it. Itachi didn't even waver in the saddle. He had poise and collection in spades, looking every inch a professional as they devoured the next set of jumps. Shisui had made it to the fence as they came to the highest jump, a little less than five feet. Itachi saw Shisui. He lost concentration.
Oscar soared over the jump. Itachi wobbled. He wavered. Shisui saw him falling and his head being caved in and--
Oscar gave a little buck, feeling the good spirits of the cool day, and Itachi tumbled off, rolling once and coming up perfectly on his feet as if it had been all been planned.
Shisui, however, nearly broke his ankle trying to vault over the arena railing to get to Itachi.
~
As Itachi and Baby finished the course, Itachi knew Shisui had never cheered so loudly for Itachi. As soon as Shisui had Baby's reins, Itachi threw himself into Shisui's arms and hugged him hard as he could.
Itachi was shaking hard. He'd fully expected to fall again. He'd been ready to feel lightheaded or dizzy or something as they had raced through the course. Each thrust in the air could be a moment to lose clarity. At the very least, Itachi had expected himself to overreact and overcorrect or something, but they had been flawless. Baby excelled at jumping, and he had taken Itachi over every jump with an eagerness and bravery that made Itachi's nerves quickly euphoric.
Itachi had been set free again. Every doubt and every fear that had whispered he would never feel that rush again had drained out of him. He was himself as he had not been since he'd hit the dirt in that far away arena.
"See?" Itachi said as Shisui put him down. "No luck needed."
And Shisui kissed him.
In front of everyone.
And the cameras.
~
They had been doing barn chores since three AM. Itachi was mucking out stalls, and they were alternating singing the songs that came on the radio. Shisui was enjoying himself despite the pain of his ankle. It helped that he had watched Itachi do a simple jump course yesterday on Oscar with no incident on either of their parts. Better, they were going to go out on a trail ride, just the two of them with no agenda and a lunch. Shisui would have to bareback it because his ankle wouldn't take being placed in a stirrup, but they were going. Itachi had packed the lunch himself. Shisui looked up and saw Itachi staring at him.
"What?" Shisui asked.
"Why aren't you married?" Itachi asked. "Or dating?"
"I haven't found the right person, and I spend eighteen hours a day covered in horse shit." Shisui stepped out and displayed his splattered jeans. "You're an international superstar. Why aren't you married?"
Itachi shook his head. "I take it the sedatives are helping?"
"Sleeping more than three hours a night makes me feel like a person," Shisui admitted. He was still terrified of losing Itachi. Terrified that smile would vanish. Terrified he would not be able to turn to that face for one last conversation.
But he realized he did not want a safe Itachi. Shisui wanted his Itachi. The one who had never seen a fence he didn't want to jump, or a course he wouldn't run.
Shisui leaned on the wall of the stall where Itachi was still scooping. He'd never gotten too big to help with the stable chores. Madara probably would have let him shirk, and no one else in the stable, sans Shisui and Sasuke, would ever call him out for it. Itachi paused and looked up at Shisui.
"There are other stalls," Itachi motioned around them. "They need mucking too."
"I love you," Shisui said, and it came out so easily.
Itachi paused, a slight catch in his motion before he frowned. "That's cute, but it doesn't mean I am going clean out your share of the stalls."
"No," Shisui pressed. This became more difficult when you had been professing your love for someone since they had been born. "Itachi. I'm in love with you.That's what I mean." Shisui hooked his elbows over the stall door.
"What?" Itachi had gone still. He looked at Shisui with something bordering on disbelief.
Shisui realized he had not even thought Itachi wouldn't return his feelings. It just seemed...natural. Easy. Like it should make perfect sense and this was how it should be. Shisui felt himself begin to panic. "I mean that I, uh, have developed romantic feelings for you?"
"And you just decided that now?" Itachi demanded. "Right now?"
"Well--"
"After five years you couldn't wait five hours?" Itachi demanded, stepped closer to Shisui, lips trying to smile despite his aggrieved tone. "You had to spit that out right here, while we're mucking stalls?"
"Five--" The trail ride. The picnic lunch Itachi had packed this morning and insisted Shisui should not help him with. "Oh." Shisui felt his face going red. "You were going to--today?"
"No. I was going to get you out to the river, and see how things went." Itachi leaned against the side of the stall. "Because generally, every time I try to confess any feelings vaguely romantic, you make me feel like I'm five again, and all possibilities are crushed."
Itachi spread his hands. "And after all of my elaborate planning and ploys and conditioning and you just..." Itachi moved his hands sharply for emphasis, and Shisui saw how flustered Itachi was under his exasperation. Itachi had not expected this. Itachi did not fully know how to cope with Shisui confessing when Itachi had been intent on himself confessing and been preparing for intense seduction tactics.
And Shisui could not stop beaming about that.
"You just come out with it, right here, while we're mucking stalls," Itachi finished, still not quite looking at Shisui, more caught in the moment than Shisui, definitely more undone.
"I'm sorry, the river would have been better," Shisui agreed. He leaned more on the stall. "Just. . .how long have you been trying to confess to me, Itachi?" Shisui's mind was racing back through the years to pinpoint any potential attempted confessions. Five years?
"I don't think we need to get into that." Itachi balked. Shisui decided he would figure it out later. "The important question is why, out of everything else I've done, did it take me almost getting my head cracked open on live television for you to finally stop treating me like your kid cousin?"
"It wasn't that. I just--you've grown. You're not a kid anymore," Shisui insisted. It was the fall. It was realizing he could lose Itachi at any time. It was adjusting his perspective and seeing the present Itachi for himself, as he stood on his own two feet. Itachi had grown into himself. He had grown up.
"Right, just magically, nothing to do with the fall." Itachi leaned on the other side of the stall door. He had a dangerous intensity on his face, exactly like he did before he went into the ring. Shisui felt the decision looming. He felt the pressure. He felt the doubt. He felt the rising finality. He felt the warmth of Itachi's breath on his lips as he leaned in.
"Is this why it takes you two so long to get chores done?" Sasuke asked loudly as he rattled through, dragging the feed cart. "Christ, can't you two keep your hands off each other for five minutes?" Sasuke grumbled as he pushed past them. He didn't even look back.
Shisui had a moment of clarity. "...everyone else already thinks we're dating, don't they?"
Itachi reached over the stall door and pulled Shisui in. Shisui had one moment to adjust before Itachi kissed him. Shisui gripped the top of the door and leaned in, savoring the moment.
"For fuck's sake!" Sasuke didn't quite shout because no one ever shouted in the stable. "You could at least do that in the tack room!"
Shisui pushed the door open and let Itachi drag him back into the stall, ignoring Sasuke disgusted tirade down the hall as Itachi's back hit the stall wall and Shisui got his hands into Itachi's messy braid.
~
The third day of Eventing was show jumping. Itachi walked the course. It wasn't the worst he'd ever run, and he felt confident Baby and he would do well. The horse had everything perfect from his parents, and Shisui had poured the proper amount of training and care into the animal. They might not steal the show, but they would be fine.
"You're shaking." Shisui admonished Itachi.
"I love jumping?" Itachi clenched his hands. "I've missed it."
"Maybe if you win Madara will stop sending me angry texts about my inappropriate behavior." Shisui sighed. "'Molesting your cousin in broad daylight'--you knew we're barely even related."
Itachi rolled his eyes. "It's really good press for the inclusivity of the sport. In any case, it might as well come out so everyone can get over it before the bigger shows."
"Hey," Shisui paused. He looked at Itachi. "Be safe, okay?"
"Cross country was much worse," Itachi said blandly. "We did perfectly well with that, remember? This shouldn't even make you sweat."
"Be," Shisui said with more force. "Safe." He held Itachi's shoulders, and Itachi felt the tension in Shisui's hands.
"Always," Itachi promised. Shisui looked skeptical, but he gave Itachi a leg up onto Baby's back. Baby lifted his head and Itachi felt the lightness of his steps. The past two days seemed to have energized the horse, and Itachi felt his growing anticipation of the course to come.
Shisui walked with them to the gate, and as they waited he set his hand on Itachi's leg. Shisui looked out towards the ring and they could hear the sounds of the other horse in the ring. Shisui's hand didn't tighten on Itachi's leg, but he looked up at Itachi one more time.
"I promise," Itachi added. He had to do this. Shisui had to let him do this. They both knew Itachi couldn't just stop.
Shisui leaned his forehead briefly against Itachi's knee, some silent benediction passing through to Itachi's bones before Shisui leaned back and patted Itachi on the leg as he would give a horse a reassuring pat. "Knock them dead, baby."
Itachi felt light as they entered the ring. He could feel Shisui behind him, watching. He heard the roar of the crowd and set Baby on the first fence. Baby's canter was effortless. He collected himself easily, intent on Itachi's commands and eager for the course. Shisui felt the horse ready himself. He felt the same sense of everything falling into place as Baby took the first jump.
Show jumping combined all of Itachi's strengths and favorite elements of riding together. He loved jumping. He was never bothered by the unexpected. His mind easily calculated strides and distance and speed and angles. He loved the rush of it. The control and power in measured parts combined with the athleticism of rider and horse. The world seemed to slow for him when he came into the ring.
They came for the second jump and cleared it easily. Itachi drew Baby in, feeling his eager desire to run, but Baby slowed down. He pushed against Itachi but he didn't fight. They cleared the third jump effortlessly.
The weather had been wonderful with a breeze all day. It had made the horses a little more frisky than usual, but Itachi hadn't factored it in much. They came about for the fourth jump, and that was when riding a younger horse came back to bite Itachi. At some point during the day, someone had lost a white plastic bag. And that plastic bag had found its way from where it had been dropped to floating across the ring, jumping up to knee height as Baby got ready for the next jump--
Baby braked, stopping hard and bouncing on his front legs as he broke to the side and Itachi found himself in the air. He had a second to realize he was not just falling but being tossed into the jump before he crashed into the railings that made up the double oxer Baby had been headed for. Itachi's momentum slammed him through one fence and into the next. Poles fell everywhere. Baby thundered away in good-natured terror.
Before Itachi could figure out where his legs were and which direction was up in the middle of the destroyed jump, Shisui was leaning over him.
Itachi found his arm and gave Shisui a thumbs up.
"Smashed it."
Shisui looked like he wanted to cry, but he laughed and reached down to haul Itachi out of the wreckage as the announcer was exclaiming over how Uchiha Itachi, gold medalist in the sport, had become so confident in his abilities he had tried to complete a jump without his horse.