Chapter Text
In August, Kieren decides that they need to get away from the family for a while, so he goes ahead and plans a camping trip. They buy a brand-new tent; Kieren originally wants to use Amy’s tent (because Philip had told him the story), but he knows it has a rip in it so he decides to just buy a new one. Simon is a city boy, but Kieren’s had his fair share of camp-outs with Rick and his family in the beautiful forests of the Roarton Valley, and he convinces Simon it’ll be fun.
“You’ll love it, once we do it,” Kieren tells him. “We just grab the bare essentials, a tent, and take off in the car, stay as long as we want, feel like we never have to come back until we start missing the real showers… it’s paradise. You’ll adore it. Come on, Simon.”
Simon contemplates. “Fine. But there has to be some kind of bathing or we’ll stink like corpses,” he smiles. “Seriously though, Kieren.”
“We’ll bathe,” Kieren rolls his eyes. “In the river. You’ll love it. We just bring the soap down and-”
“Let me stop you right there,” Simon shudders. “I’ve already said yes. Now we need to pack.”
“I can’t believe it. This is it. You, me, the woods, the open road,” Kieren muses, staring out the window with a disgustingly happy look on his face.
“Yeah yeah, I get it,” Simon rolls his eyes. “Now where do I turn?”
“A right in three. But seriously Simon, thank you for doing this for me. I think we’re going to have a good time, I honestly do, and I’m glad you wanted to come.”
Simon looks at him out of the corner of his eye, suspiciously. “That’s awfully nice of you to say.”
Kieren leans over and kisses Simon on the cheek. “I’m serious, Si. I know you need to hear it sometimes.”
“What do you mean? I don’t need to hear anything. I’m fine.”
Kieren raises his eyebrows. “Oh, please, you like it too much when I compliment you, don’t think I haven’t noticed that.”
Simon shrugs. “Well, I thought it was pretty obvious from the beginning that I was more into- that you fascinated me and you had all the choices in the world and I still- that I cared more, I guess.”
Kieren stares at him for a moment, wide-eyed, and then presses his lips together and just looks out the window. Simon can sense that he’s angry, but he doesn’t know what to say. Finally, Kieren breaches the silence. “Don’t you ever say that to me, Simon Monroe. I mean it.”
“What?”
“Don’t-” he stops himself, and then continues, “don’t discredit my feelings like that. Don’t act like what I felt, what I feel isn’t as important or great or momentous as what you felt just because I’m younger than you or less experienced or whatever. Don’t act like that. It makes me feel small,” Kieren admits.
Simon pauses, watching Kieren out of the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry,” he says. “But it’s hard for me. You’re so incredible, and I-”
“And you are so incredible. That’s it. End of story. Can we please not talk about it anymore?” Kieren presses his lips into a thin line.
“Fine,” Simon shrugs, disappointed.
The rest of the car ride goes by in silence.
“This is the perfect spot,” Kieren declares. They’ve found a clearing in the woods, not far from the beach and the river, shaded by trees but with just enough sun to illuminate everything. “We’ll pitch the tent here.”
Pitching the tent takes longer than expected because they’re both incompetent when it comes to tent-pitching, but eventually it gets up so they start to bring stuff out of the trunk.
“This’ll be like a trial run for living together,” Kieren points out seriously as he lugs the cooler out of the trunk and into their little shaded spot.
“Sure, but when we’re living together we’ll have running water,” Simon replies. Kieren rolls his eyes.
The very next day, they go to the river to wash up a bit and take a swim. Kieren goes down first while Simon stays behind to clean up a bit, and then Simon joins him, walking down the path carrying his beach towel. When he’s within seeing distance of the water, he sees Kieren standing in it, naked, beautiful. He sees the curve of Kieren’s back like he’s never seen anything before, the golden light in Kieren’s hair, his profile illuminated as he stares out at the forest. Simon can tell that Kieren’s naked, and he thinks about his waist, and just below the water all of Kieren for Simon to see, and he feels it. He feels desire, something he’d never felt as a PDS-sufferer and something he rarely felt before his death. He feels it growing inside him, white hot, the irresistible want, and he wants to run into the water and just touch Kieren, feel him beneath his fingertips, kiss him, be close to him.
As Simon undresses Kieren sees it, and his eyes widen.
“Simon…” Kieren trails off, just staring at him.
Simon takes a deep breath. For once in his life, he’s afraid of rejection. He’s afraid that Kieren isn’t there yet, that Kieren can’t quite feel what he can feel yet. “Do you…?” Simon can’t finish his sentence.
Kieren nods. Simon breathes in sharply.
And then, Kieren laughs. “Finally,” he chuckles. “Finally. I’ve been waiting for you.”
Suddenly, Simon’s fear seems silly, and he feels bad. So he’s been behind Kieren this whole time. He must’ve been torturing Kieren, if Kieren felt this around him and couldn’t do anything about it. That makes Simon want him even more.
Simon wades in the water, up to his waist, and cups Kieren’s face in his hands. “Risen again,” Simon says wonderously, feeling Kieren’s desire. He kisses Kieren gently. “Incorruptible.”
And under the sun, in the river, with waves washing around them and the fresh air and birds chirping, Simon truly feels he’s been born again, with even more sensation than before. He feels more, and not only that, he sees more. He sees more beauty. He loves more.
They spend another few days in the tent (and out of it) exploring their new senses and just enjoying each other’s company, but it isn’t long before they start to go low on supplies and Simon starts to miss running water and Kieren wants to see his family, so they settle in the car together and begin the long drive back home.
The drive is quiet and they spend most of it half-asleep, staring out the windows and listening to the radio.
“Kieren?” Simon lifts the heavy curtain of silence that’s been festering over their heads.
Kieren looks at him expectantly.
“I love you,” Simon says finally, getting it off his chest. He finally tells Kieren what Simon and Jem already know.
Kieren just stares at him for another beat. “I love you, too,” he says finally, and then he leans his head on Simon’s shoulder and closes his eyes. The car speeds down the road, the radio plays, scenery rushes by, Simon loves Kieren, and Kieren loves him back.