Archive of Our Own ^beta

Three and a half months. Naruto and Sasuke had lived together for nearly four, now, but it had taken barely two weeks for Naruto to start—

Doing this.

Sasuke shoved the rest of his food into the fridge, glaring at the back of the blond's head.

The fuck was he doing that had Naruto so—off? Quiet? Sasuke felt something close to ignored, with the way Naruto waved and then slipped past him, with a stupid smile that didn't meet his eyes—he'd disappeared for a few days more than once, citing something about a trip that he'd never even thought of sharing with Sasuke, and while Sasuke certainly didn't put it past himself to have somehow managed to piss Naruto off, the moron had never just…

Dismissed him like this.

He shut the fridge door with his hip.

He'd barely even said a word when he'd come back today. Granted, he'd at least stayed out in the living room as opposed to barricading himself in his room, but that only left the slightest hint of social interaction on Sasuke's tongue.

He had barely known he'd liked the taste at all.

"I've been thinking," he said, knowing Naruto hadn't seen the state of the fridge for at least a few days now, "of going out for dinner."

"Oh yeah?" Naruto said, turning around. "We run through all the food already?"

"We have," Sasuke lied.

"Damn," Naruto said, settling back down. "I'll go shopping tomorrow."

Twelve years of flinging Sasuke into whatever social event caught his eye. Ten years of forcing him for a dinner with a bill that was rarely split. Six years of wrangling him into carrying groceries that weren't his own.

Out the window.

"Will you need help?" Sasuke asked—not desperate. Not pleading, just asking, he wasn't—

"Nah," Naruto laughed, "you're busy enough as it is, I've got it."

Sasuke stared at the back of his head.

Naruto continued to type. Talking to someone else, Sasuke supposed—someone who wasn't him. For some reason he didn't know. For some reason he couldn't even begin to put together. For some reason—

Sasuke leaned on the back of the couch, gripping the fabric half an arm's reach from Naruto's head, and stared back at the kitchen.

"Talk."

The flash of blond jerked towards him.

"Huh?"

Sasuke didn't turn.

"Talk," he repeated.

"Talk…?" he saw Naruto sit up, straighten up, from the corner of his eye— "you okay? What's going on?"

The heat in Sasuke's stomach flared to life.

"I don't know!" he said, too loud and too desperate—too much emotion for a snap and too little to yell. He swallowed and turned away, continuing more quietly, "I don't know. You tell me."

"I—what?"

"Do you need me to leave? Is that it? Is it that we're living together, because I will—"

"What?" Naruto said, turning and standing and moving around. "No—no, no, no, hell, Sasuke, this was my idea—"

"Then why do you hate it!"

Sasuke stopped, breathing heavy.

Naruto stared at him.

"Oh," he said, with a dawning understanding that looked a little too stricken to be any sort of comfort. "...Crap."

It came out as a whisper as Naruto bit his lip and looked away. He ran a nervous hand through his hair and Sasuke watched it, eyes glued to the familiar motion—

"Crap. Okay. Fuck—I guess I—"

"Just say it."

Anything to end this waiting. Anything to end this strain, this heavy silence and false cheer—

"Fucking hell, Sasuke," Naruto breathed again. "I'm sorry. I'm really—I thought I was—it's nothing you've done."

Blue eyes met his, clear and apologetic and sad again—this persistent sadness in Naruto's eyes, he hated it. He—

"I—listen," he said. "I didn't—I never planned on telling you this 'cause I—I knew it would fuck with our friendship, but now not telling you is fucking with it more, so here—here goes."

Naruto sucked in a breath.

"I have feelings for you."

Sasuke's thoughts screeched to a halt.

"I have feelings for you," Naruto said again, as if the first time hadn't been enough to knock the breath right out of him, "like, um, romantically, and—and I know—I know you hate it when people pull this shit with you so I've been trying to get rid of them but I went all crazy after we moved in together, and—"

Naruto let out a frustrated breath, pulling at his hair.

"Anyway. Anyway, what I mean is—I'm gonna get over it. I don't—I don't want anything from you. Don't treat me any different—it's just a stupid way that stupid me feels and I'll get over it as fast as I can. I'll figure it out. Don't act any different or I'll kick your prissy ass, got it?"

Naruto pointed his finger right in Sasuke's face.

"...What?"

"Don't act any different!" Naruto insisted, looking a little bit panicked— "This doesn't change anything! I've just gotta learn how to—just—deal with it. Ignore it or something—I was doing okay but then—I—since we moved in together you've been so—everything was right up in my face and sometimes I was so stupid and obvious about it that I—"

"You ignored me because you thought you were being too obvious?"

Naruto deflated.

"I...yeah." He let out a soft, pathetic laugh. "You know I hate keeping secrets from you."

A soft, warm relief settled into Sasuke's chest.

"You're an idiot."

Naruto laughed. It sounded like Sasuke felt.

"I am," Naruto said, nodding, "I—yeah. You're a dickhead."

Sasuke's lips twitched upwards.

"So now that I...know," Sasuke said, choosing the word carefully, "you're going to stop with this mess?"

"I—I mean, yeah, I will, um," Naruto shuffled in place, "if you—if you don't—um, I'm bad with boundaries, right, so—"

"Naruto," Sasuke said seriously, "you introduced yourself by hugging me."

"Wh—everybody was hugging! That wasn't—"

"You took a nap in my bed while I wasn't home."

"Your brother let me in! That wasn't—god, you are—"

"I'm what?"

Naruto let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head.

"You are the biggest asshole in the world. Do we actually not have any food?"

Sasuke turned on his heel.

"We have plenty."

"What?! Sasuke, you—!"

Sasuke awoke, the next day, feeling…

Frozen.

He felt as if he'd spent the last day in shock. On autopilot. Naruto had so easily diverted them into insults and teasing that Sasuke had naturally responded in kind, but…

(I have feelings for you.)

He hadn't asked any of the million questions in his head. Not a one. He hadn't even realized they were there—what kind of feelings? How did Naruto even know? God knew the blond had more than one issue when it came to attachment and people and close relationships and—and they'd—they'd known each other for years—twelve of them, almost, it would be twelve next month—so why—

When had this started? Naruto had talked about it like—like the past few months had just been it bubbling up to the surface, which meant it had lived for longer than that. How deep did it even go? Sasuke had hated every other confession because they hadn't been a confession at all—people that only knew him through gossip or photos or his family name—not a one had held any strong feelings for him. How could they? They hadn't known him. They hadn't known him like Naruto did.

Sasuke sucked in a breath.

Thank fuck it was the weekend. He wouldn't be able to focus on a damn thing with his mind like this.

He heaved in a breath as he sat up, kicking his feet off the side of the bed.

Feelings.

Naruto had feelings for him. Thought he had feelings for him. That could mean any number of things. Naruto had told him more than once that he was his strongest friendship, most important person in his life, and—

Sasuke swallowed.

And that...that feeling was mutual.

So what else could there possibly be?

Naruto hadn't slept a goddamn wink.

What a stupid, stupid idea. What an obviously horrible mistake. Yeah, the words had been in his mouth for at least six years and moved up to the tip of his tongue ever since Sasuke had fucking hit him with that "welcome home", but—

God.

Naruto wrenched the fridge door open for the millionth time. He wasn't even sure he could stomach a breakfast, but he had to eat something. Or do something. He couldn't just leave again—he wouldn't just leave again. That had been stupid and shitty and what had gotten him into this mess. And Sasuke hadn't deserved any of it.

Naruto let out a breath and grabbed some toast. Maybe it wasn't...the worst. Everything was out in the open, now. Naruto had no reason to...hide.

Hey, he didn't have to hide.

Naruto straightened up, tapping his fingers on the table. He could do stupid things like making Sasuke a sandwich, too. Not to mention Naruto knew he'd want...

"Coffee?"

"Ah!" Naruto jumped and spun around.

A disheveled, half-awake Sasuke laughed at him.

"Really? We live together."

"You walk like a fucking vampire!" Naruto protested. "Can't you make some noise like a normal person?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"I make plenty of noise. You have the awareness of a rubber plug."

Naruto gaped at him.

"Wow," he said, biting down the laugh, "and I was gonna make you breakfast and everything—fine, coffee's been started and you can toast your own toast, prick."

Sasuke snorted.

"Thank you for your permission. Are you staying in today?"

"Yeah, I'm here," Naruto said, putting the knife down. "Um, sorry. I won't—I'm not gonna run away scared again."

He turned just as Sasuke started to move, sliding past Naruto, coffee cup in hand, pausing right in front of his face—

"Boo."

Naruto jumped.

Sasuke's face broke into laughter.

"Every time with you," Sasuke said, pulling his coffee to his chest and shaking his head all the way out of the kitchen—

"Wh—wait, no, hey, I was trying to be—that's not fair!"

"Sure it's not," Sasuke said, sliding onto the couch, "scaredy-cat."

"Oh fuck you."

Sasuke turned all the way around, peering at him over the back of the couch.

"Are you insulting or requesting?"

"Oh my god, Sasuke!"

This was…

Kind of fun.

Sasuke's smile widened as Naruto shrank further into the couch, stuffed into the corner, blushing a brilliant, vivid red—

"You're right," he said, fiddling with the remote of their half-dead television. "You are utterly obvious."

"Oh my god," came the shrivelled hiss from the corner, Naruto all but melting into a puddle of embarrassment. The good news was that he had promised not to run away, which meant Sasuke had free reign to…

"Is it my looks?" he asked, flipping to another shitty free channel—

"What? No!"

Sasuke blinked. Naruto had almost sounded...offended.

"What?" Sasuke asked, confused. "Am I ugly to you or something?"

"No!" Naruto yelled again, clapping his hands to his face with a satisfying slap—

"So you are attracted to my looks?"

"I—wh—why are you even—"

"You've told me I have the hair of an angry peacock, that I have resting bitch face, and that my body is reminiscent of a young, fit skeletor."

Naruto crumbled into a surprised laugh.

"Well, I mean…"

"Excuse me for being confused."

"I wasn't being—you know I wasn't serious, come on, you—everybody knows you're attractive. That's..."

Sasuke turned the TV off.

"You've never been everybody," he said quietly, glancing over at the front door as if waiting for something. It was an excuse, though, and one Naruto would likely see right though—

Naruto sighed.

"I know," he said, and it sounded sad. "Kinda feels like I failed you, huh?"

Sasuke's head snapped back to him.

"What?"

"Come on," Naruto said, shrugging, "doesn't it? I was the one person you could trust not to pull this shit."

Sasuke frowned.

"So far," he pointed out, "you haven't pulled much of anything."

Naruto inclined his head, as if acknowledging the thought.

"Yeah, but it's like," he waved his hand out in front of himself, "the premise of the whole thing."

Sasuke continued to watch him.

"And what premise is that?"

"The—you know. You know what it is."

"Humour me."

Naruto glanced back at him.

"The feelings, asshole," he grumbled, shifting his feet out from underneath him.

"What sort of feelings?"

"I told you already!"

"Tell me again."

Naruto let out a harsh breath.

"You—why—you really wanna hear this?"

"I'm not convinced you're not fooling yourself."

Naruto jerked to sit upright.

"You—what? Are you serious?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, meeting Naruto's flashing eyes with ease.

"Convince me."

"I—god, you're such a fucking asshole," Naruto said, heaving out a breath. "It's not—it's—describing it is—just tell me what you want to know."

He finished helplessly, sighing back into his hunched, embarrassed pose.

"Is it my looks?" Sasuke asked again, smiling—

"I'm gonna kick your ass," Naruto grumbled, but the smile finally broke his face.

"Give me a real answer."

"No, it's not just your looks! Come on, you—"

"But you find me attractive?"

"I find all of you attractive! It's not just your—"

Naruto cut himself off, eyes wide, as if realizing what he'd just admitted to.

Sasuke shifted, swung an arm over the back of the couch, and rested his head on his fist.

"Fuck you," Naruto muttered helplessly.

"You've tried that line already."

"Uuuugh," Naruto groaned into his hands, whining his way down into a melted mess again. "Please tell me this isn't what you're gonna be like now."

"This is what I'm going to be like now."

"...Just kill me."

If Naruto had had any shred of pride left, it was long gone now.

Sasuke had been relentless. The moment Naruto slipped—the moment he'd said anything (fuck, Naruto had let "pretty boy" slip once and Sasuke had jumped on that like a lion on its prey), Sasuke would just swivel around like the asshole he was and—

"It's not my fault you have terrible taste in men."

"Oh my god," Naruto said, crumbling, because all he'd done was mumble one prick under his breath and—

"Or is that the part of me that you like so much?"

Naruto nearly screamed.

And yeah, somewhere, under his skin and nerves and white-hot embarrassment, there was some sort of overwhelming relief at how much of an asshole Sasuke was being about this—how much of himself he was being about this, because Sasuke was never like this with anything he was uncomfortable with, which meant—

"What about the guy you dated last year?"

Naruto blinked.

"What about him?"

Sasuke tapped his fingers on the table.

"Was that before—this?"

"No," Naruto said, almost laughing—and then absolutely laughing, because a year? As if he'd be so lucky, "no, come on, you think I'd only last a year? That guy knew about you."

Sasuke blinked. Naruto took his chance to steal the chips.

"Knew about me?"

"Knew how I felt. I told him straight up. He still wanted to try—so we tried."

Sasuke grabbed the bag back. Naruto stuffed the food into his mouth.

"Not a year, then."

Naruto chewed in response.

"How long?"

Naruto shrugged.

"Naruto."

Naruto swallowed.

"Moron."

"...More than a year."

"More than two?"

Naruto nodded.

"Three?"

He nodded again.

"Four?"

He nodded.

"...Five?"

Yup.

"Six?"

Yep.

"Seven?"

Pretty sure, yeah.

"Eight?"

'Bout that.

"Eight, then," Sasuke said, leaning back as if satisfied. "Eight years."

"Might be more," Naruto muttered quietly. "It's...hard to pick out. Y'know. When it all started.

"Hm," Sasuke said, still watching him. The guy hadn't stopped staring at him for two damn days—

"But definitely eight?"

Naruto heaved out a breath.

"Definitely eight. Give me those."

He snatched the bag of chips from Sasuke again. It was just about all he had to hide into right now, and—

"You kept a secret for eight years."

Naruto let out a soft groan.

"In my defense," he muttered, "a good two years of that was denial. And then I came out to you! So I—so I kinda—I kinda—"

"You count that as telling me?"

"Well I—" Naruto said, deflating, "a—a little…?"

Sasuke snorted, and Naruto ducked his head.

"What broke it?"

Naruto blinked.

"Huh?"

"The denial. What broke it?"

"Oh," Naruto said, letting out a breath, "um...well, I—that—I—I don't actually—"

"You don't want to tell me."

"Sas—come on, man, have some—"

"You ignored me for three months, Naruto."

"I didn't ignore—"

"Three months."

Naruto made the same noise that Sasuke's sad birthday balloon had when they'd poked that tiny hole in it.

"Tell me."

Naruto heaved out a breath.

"It's—I had—it's stupid, okay? It wasn't any big—I just—I was a teenager, so I was having those dreams anyway—"

"Dreams."

"Drea—just—read between the lines for once in your goddamn—"

"You had multiple wet dreams about me as a teenager?"

Sasuke might as well have punched him in the head.

"Sasuke…" he pleaded—

"Did you have any about anyone else?"

"Sasuke—"

"Have you had more about me since then?"

"Sasuke!"

"Three months, Naruto."

Naruto crumbled.

"...Yes, okay, yes, you evil son of a bitch, I've had fucking plenty throughout these years of fucking torture—are we good now?"

But Sasuke only smiled.

"I'm good. How are you?"

Naruto groaned.

"That's the most unbelievable part of all of this," Sasuke said, pushing the cart forwards. "You were going to do this alone."

Naruto threw a loaf of bread at him.

"You really were willing to suffer, weren't you?" Sasuke continued, because Naruto stayed stubbornly by his side no matter all his protests. "You once made me come here when I had an exam that hour—"

"Because you were stressing and you needed a distraction! You knew every goddamn word like the back of your hand and if I hadn't—"

Naruto cut himself off, cheeks bright red and eyes wide.

Sasuke stared right back.

"You've never told me that."

Naruto's mouth opened and closed, and then he promptly pushed the cart right out of Sasuke's hands.

"Go get your stupid tomatoes," he said, barrelling forwards.

Sasuke quite happily did just that. It still bothered him, though—like a thought, nagging at the back of his mind. He knew so little about this—he knew so much about Naruto, and so little about this. He couldn't seem to stop himself from—

"I thought you hated those crackers."

Picking up on things. Looking for new things. Noticing more and more that he'd never noticed before, like the way Naruto's eyes would soften into something warm and wistful if he looked at Sasuke for just a bit too long—or the way Naruto switched their coats so Sasuke's was easy to reach and Naruto's was tucked away in the back—or the way he'd notice when Sasuke ran out of his favourite sun-dried tomato crackers—

"Asshole, I buy you food all the goddamn time," Naruto insisted, not looking at him. "Don't pretend this is special."

Sasuke snorted, and tossed a bag of marshmallows into the cart.

Naruto stopped.

"Don't pretend this is special," he mocked, walking on ahead.

It was only another moment before he heard Naruto's soft laugh, and the cart continue behind him.

"So here me out," Naruto said, rolling over, "neither of us do any work tonight, and then I don't have to feel bad about it."

"Don't use me as an excuse for your laziness," Sasuke said, adjusting his laptop.

"Aw, come on…"

"Here's a thought," Sasuke offered, "if you don't want to work, I can always ask you more questions."

"Uh!" Naruto said, scrambling for the book nearest to him—

Sasuke laughed.

Naruto paused, ducking his head as he pulled the book onto his lap. Okay, yeah, maybe that had been a little too panicked—

"Is it so terrifying to you?"

"I—" Naruto started, but the word caught in his throat, "I—just—get nervous."

"I know. It's ridiculous."

"It's not! If you ever felt anything like this then you'd—"

He stopped with a sucked in breath and turned away. He really didn't want to get into those thoughts right now.

"Excuse me? I seem to recall you chasing me to a certain canyon and forcing me to admit several personal details that I was less than okay with parting with—"

"Oh boo-hoo, you called me your best friend. Real—"

"My words were one and only friend, thank you. And that means several more somethings than the commonly used best."

Naruto looked over at him. Sasuke had his arms crossed and body stiff; he looked just about like he'd rather be anywhere other than here—

"I'm not saying I didn't think about it every day for at least a month," he admitted, rolling his eyes a little. "I'm just saying you're not off the hook for teasing me."

Sasuke huffed.

"Fine. Neither are you."

Naruto laughed.

"Alright, yeah—fair enough. Fine. Hit me. What's next?"

Sasuke shifted. His arms stayed crossed and his gaze firm, but Naruto was familiar enough with every inch of him to know what Sasuke relaxing looking like.

"Describe it."

"Describe it?"

"The feeling. Describe it."

Naruto heaved out a breath, sitting up.

"Jesus, Sasuke, you don't ask for much," he said, shoving a hand through his hair. "It's...fuck, you really—you really want me to do the full confession thing?"

Naruto laughed, nervous and a little hysterical—but Sasuke's didn't waver.

"If that answers the question."

Naruto breathed out, slouched into the corner on the couch, and slapped a hand over his eyes.

"Fine," he told the darkness. "I feel...scared. All the time." He laughed, and he felt the couch shift, somewhere beside him. "It's terrifying. I feel nervous and exhilerated and—stupid, like I'm—I'm excited every fucking time I see your face. That's all it takes. Every time I'm coming home and I know you'll be there. I can't wait. Half the time I never even want to leave anymore. It's...feeling happy and comfortable and like I...need nothing else. A lot of that, 'cause if you need nothing else then—then it's also—it's feeling like everything will be okay. Even if everything else in my life falls apart, I'll be okay."

Naruto let out a breath and pulled his hand away, rubbing his eyes.

"And it's liking you, obviously," he said, staring at his own hand. "Beyond just that, though, it's...admiring you. All of you. I've spent half my life in awe of you anyway. And it's not—" Naruto turned, pointing at him, because he knew Sasuke would jump on this, "don't act like I'm putting you on a pedestal, I'm not—I know who you are and I know there's a hell of a lot more to it than perfect prissy genius Sasuke—but I'm just...interested. I just—always wanna know more. I've always wanted to know more."

He finished with a small shrug, looking away.

"I don't know if that answers your question," he said quietly, the nerves tingling through his heart to his fingertips. "I'm not good at...picking out what I feel. You know that, though."

"Mm," came Sasuke's small answer. "The only person worse off than you is me."

That surprised a laugh out of Naruto, and he finally, accidentally met Sasuke's dark, piercing eyes.

He didn't keep the hold long enough to pick out whatever was in that storm.

"That answer will do for now," Sasuke said finally, and Naruto could see him leaning back from the corner of his eye. "But I expect it supplemented when you...pick things out."

Naruto let out a soft, whispered laugh.

"Yeah? So—what, you...want me to tell you whenever I'm feeling particularly—into you?"

Sasuke let out an amused breath through his nose.

"That works."

"Wait—what? No, no, no, hang on—"

"Too late. You agreed to it."

Aw, fuck.

It had hit a little too close to home, in retrospect.

All of it, really, but the part that rang in Sasuke's head every time he cornered Naruto for another answer was interested, although Sasuke thought a better description would be fascinated, or perhaps obsessed—

And Sasuke was certainly a little bit too obsessed.

Wasn't it natural, though? Wasn't this fascinating? Wouldn't anyone else want to desperately know what parts of themselves made someone like Naruto feel—

(—happy and comfortable and like I...need nothing else.)

Sasuke let out a breath, scrubbing at his hair again. He'd already shampooed it—he was just stalling. It was warm and humid and Sasuke's thoughts tended to spiral just a little less when he stood in the shower…

Which would have been helpful earlier, he thought, stepping out to the tile that held nothing but his dirty clothes.

Damn.

Sighing, he scrubbed himself as dry as he'd go, and wrapped the towel around his waist. Naruto hadn't said anyone would be visiting today—really, Naruto's constant barrage of friends had evened out after all this started…which, actually…

(That's all it takes.)

...made sense.

Sasuke pushed the door open, the words still tumbling over in his head…

…

...?

"Can I help you?" he asked a very still, very wide-eyed Naruto.

"Uh!" Naruto said, eyes jerking up to his— "No!"

Sasuke tilted his head.

"No?"

"No!" Naruto said, wildly shaking his head.

Sasuke's smile widened.

Naruto took a step back.

"I believe," Sasuke said, somehow almost disappointed that Naruto's eyes didn't drop as he shifted the towel around his waist, "we had a deal."

Naruto's mouth opened and closed.

Sasuke quirked an eyebrow.

"Fine," Naruto breathed, still clearly panicked, "fine—yes. Right now. Right now, I'm—I'm—you know. Am I free now?"

"No. What is it, exactly?"

Naruto whined.

"Come on, man—"

"Give me one thing, and you're free."

Naruto heaved out a breath.

"One thing," he repeated.

"One thing," Sasuke agreed.

Sasuke visibly saw him swallow.

"Fine," Naruto said, bouncing on the spot as if building up the courage, "it's—that. That—stop it, stop—"

Naruto let out another pained noise, waving somewhere at Sasuke's face—

"What? What am I doing?"

"Smiling, stop—stop it—"

"It's my...smile?"

Naruto wilted. He waved his hands around him in some sort of helpless agreement, and Sasuke…

"I'm naked, and it's my smile?"

"You—I'm—fucking—can I go? Sasuke—" Naruto pleaded.

"You can go," Sasuke said, still some sort of...incredulous. His smile? Naruto had frozen still at the sight of him because of his...he hadn't even known he was…

Hm.

(He distinctly heard the click of Naruto's lock.)

Naruto was going to drop dead of embarrassment. Any moment now, he swore—this would be the end of him. He'd nearly collapsed three times in the past week with all the shit Sasuke kept pulling—

Naruto let out a breath, massaging the back of his neck.

It wasn't—well, it obviously wasn't unpleasant. Naruto was halfway to humiliated, but Sasuke was loving every second of it, and as long as he kept looking at him with those glittering, laughing eyes, Naruto was...at his mercy.

He was getting a little bit afraid, though, because Sasuke had come awful close to him with those eyes, recently, and Naruto didn't have all that great restraint to begin with, and if Sasuke kept smiling and laughing and teasing him then Naruto was—well, he—

He was getting pretty close to kissing him.

Which was crazy. It was crazy. Sasuke was this comfortable with it all because Naruto said he'd never act on it, so—

"You okay, Naruto?" Sakura said, peering at him. "You've been kind of quiet all night."

"Yeah, I—sorry," Naruto laughed, running a hand through his hair, "I'm—uh, I—d'you know where Sasuke is, actually?"

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"In the kitchen. You know he asked the same thing twenty seconds ago about you?"

Naruto laughed, ducking his head in the vain hope it would keep his heart beating at the same rate—fucking hell—

"I need a—um, refill anyway," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I'll—be back."

"Mhm."

Sakura didn't sound convinced, but Naruto was already gone. The kitchen took some time to get to, though—it had been a bigger party than Naruto had thought, but he'd felt so bad about saying no to stuff recently, that—

Oh. There.

Sasuke glanced back just as Naruto opened the door. Naruto distinctly saw his shoulders relax.

"Sakura said, um," Naruto started, shuffling through the door so it could close behind him, "you were looking for me?"

"I was," Sasuke said, topping up his drink. "You owe me."

"What? I—"

"Small get together, he said," Sasuke said, turning around to lean against the counter. "There's gonna be like eight of us, he said."

Naruto rolled his eyes and shoved his empty cup as Sasuke—which he dutifully took.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he said, shuffling up to him. "I was lied to, too, y'know!"

Sasuke gave him a look.

"You owe me."

And yup. That's about all it took for Naruto to relent.

"I owe you," he said, laughing softly.

"Glad we're in agreement," Sasuke said, passing Naruto's refilled drink back to him. That smile was right back to playing at his lips, and Naruto was starting to feel like the alcohol had hit him way harder than he'd thought…

"Right now," Naruto said, and then he—

Sasuke looked up.

Crap. Crap, crap, crap—

"Right now?" Sasuke repeated, eyes interested and glittering and on him, focused right on him. "Nice of you to keep up your end of the deal."

Naruto didn't let himself breathe.

"What is it this time? The smile again?"

Naruto breathed in, again, on top of his other breaths—

"Is it a particular kind of smile—"

Crap, he needed to—

"—or is it just any at all?"

He had to breathe—

"It's whatever one you're doing now."

Damn it. Damn it all—Naruto nearly threw himself out the window as the words escaped him—

But Sasuke only laughed.

"Good," he said, passing by Naruto, full drink in hand, "something for your dreams later."

And then he was gone, and Naruto clawed at the counter behind him, trying to keep himself standing—he—that—

God. He wasn't drunk enough for this. He was too drunk for this. He wasn't sure he should be lowering any sort of inhibitions with how totally useless Sasuke already made him, and—he—

A disgruntled Sasuke opened the door.

"Oh, Sas—"

"Are you coming or not?"

Naruto's mouth opened and closed.

"I—uh—" he told Sasuke's raised eyebrow, "I'm—you know, I'm a bit busy recovering from the heart attacks you keep giving me, asshole."

Sasuke slid his cup onto the counter, and the door shut behind him. Naruto backed up once, and then again, and then his back was right up against the counter with a smirking Sasuke right up in his face—

"Boo."

Naruto was terrified.

"Sas—" Naruto swallowed, "Sasuke, you should—um—" his eyes darted down to Sasuke's lips, still smiling, fuck, he was still smiling—

"I should?"

Naruto heaved in a breath.

"Back up. You should back up."

Sasuke was a stubborn bastard.

"Why?"

"Sas—"

"Why should I do that?"

"Back up," Naruto said, "or I'll—I'll—"

Sasuke's smile widened—

"Kiss you," he finished helplessly.

Sasuke didn't move.

Naruto sucked in a breath—

And then he turned away.

"Back up," he said again, looking somewhere at the counter, at the floor, past them both—

"You're all talk," Sasuke said, but he moved away. Thank fuck, he moved away. Naruto felt…

"You're drunk," he retaliated, but it was muttered and under his breath. Whether Sasuke heard him or not, he didn't know, but he did make a point at pausing with the door open, giving Naruto a look—

"I'm coming, I'm coming," he grumbled. "Ass."

He'd—he'd stop his head from spinning later.

Sasuke crossed his arms, waiting for Naruto outside.

They'd stayed there for another two hours—Naruto's idea, of course—and Sasuke was tired. At least it was a short drive home.

He made it about two steps to the car before Naruto wrenched him back.

"Sas—no, come on, you're drunk. It's not that far of a walk—"

Sasuke used his grip to heave Naruto to him. Payback.

"Dumbass," he said, not letting go, "I've been drinking club soda all night."

Naruto stared at him.

"Get in the goddamn car."

"O-oh. Oh, yeah, sorry. I thought…"

Naruto trailed off, but Sasuke didn't need him to continue. Sasuke had goaded Naruto into nearly kissing him and had nearly kissed him himself, and if the alcohol hadn't already been on Naruto's breath—

Sasuke used the slam of the door to cover his sigh.

Naruto glanced at him anyway.

"If you fall asleep on me," he warned, "after forcing me here, I'll throw you out of the car."

Naruto laughed.

"Okay, okay," he said, surreptitiously lifting his hand from where Sasuke knew the handle to lean it back was, "you're gonna have to keep me up, then."

"I can do that."

He glanced behind him, checked his camera, made sure Naruto was actually sitting and had his seatbelt on…

"Uh oh," said Naruto, always a slow one.

Sasuke's smirk widened as he backed up.

"Tell me," he said, switching out of reverse, "other things you like."

"Uh—you—other—"

"Other than my smile."

Naruto sucked in a breath, and Sasuke's smile widened.

"I—um—well, I—"

"You can start with my looks, if it's easier for you."

Naruto coughed out a laugh.

"You cocky fuck," he laughed, but it sounded breathless. "Fine—y'know what I like? When you wake up and don't look in the mirror before you come out and your hair's all—"

"What you're attracted to, idiot, not what you can make fun of."

"I—" Naruto made several smaller gibberish noises, "well, I—uh—about that—"

Sasuke slowed to a stop for the red light.

"Don't tell me you have a thing for my bedhead."

"I'm not gonna tell you if you make fun of me!" Naruto immediately yelled, before jerking himself back into that embarrassed, fetal position pose he seemed to like so much—

"Okay, okay, sorry," Sasuke said, because he definitely needed more than that. "Bedhead. Sure. What else?"

"It's not just the hair, okay, you have like a—like a look when you're first waking up and it's really—"

Naruto cut himself off.

Sasuke pressed his lips together to stop himself from saying something sarcastic—

"Yes?"

"Cute," Naruto bit out. "Fuck you. You're cute."

Naruto turned to firmly face the window.

Sasuke cleared his throat several thousand times.

"Just laugh, asshole!"

"I don't want to laugh," Sasuke said, voice shaking with—

"Oh, if you weren't driving right now, I'd—"

"Still owe me, moron. You've wracked up quite a bit of debt you need to repay, so keep going."

Naruto let out a soft, grumbling whine.

"Keep going?"

"Keep going," Sasuke said. "Or, if you'd like, you could tell me all the vivid details of one of your dreams—"

"No—that's okay! That's okay! I—I—I really liked that suit you wore for graduation!"

Sasuke blinked.

"My...suit?"

"The—it was the—it fit you really well, okay! And you'd never worn that colour before and I just—"

"You've never told me you liked that suit…" Sasuke said, relieved he hadn't donated the thing like he'd been considering—he didn't really have occasions to wear suits, nowadays, but maybe…

"It—it wasn't just—it was the shirt and tie and belt and—just—the whole—fuck you. Fuck you."

Sasuke snorted out a laugh.

"Right—do you want me to wear the suit during, or…?"

"Sas—oh my god," Naruto hissed out, like a teapot losing the last bit of its steam. Sasuke only smoothly turned the car—it really was a short drive, so he wouldn't have Naruto at his mercy for too much longer—

"What else?"

"Still?!"

"Smiles, suits and bedhead? That's all it takes to sucker you in for eight years?"

Naruto let out a soft groan.

"No, asshole. You're the one who said to focus on your looks—"

"As a starting point. What else is there?"

"Wh—well—you—come on," Naruto heaved out a breath, "you're my best friend for a reason, you know."

Sasuke slowed the car down a little.

"I'm not exactly known for my shining personality."

Naruto let out a soft laugh.

"...Depends on who you ask."

Sasuke swallowed.

"And if I'm asking you?"

He felt Naruto's eyes turn to him. Personality—well, it was one thing if he was bright and beautiful and a shining force of something wonderful in every life he barely even touched, like someone else Sasuke knew, but Sasuke was none of those things. He'd barely even been able to understand why Naruto had been so attached to him as a friend, let alone—

"You're the best person I know."

Sasuke nearly pulled the damn car over.

"Now I know you've lost your mind," he muttered, forcing himself to focus on the road.

"You can say whatever you want," Naruto said, unfazed. "You suck at seeing yourself clearly. I already told you how you make me feel. Why would I feel any of it if I didn't love being around you?"

Sasuke sucked in a long, long breath.

"Stop," he said quickly, swallowing. "That's fine. Stop there."

"Wh—really? This time you take pity on me? It wasn't even that bad! Why—"

"Because if you keep talking, I'm going to crash the car," Sasuke ground out, slowing at a stop sign. At least this was the last turn…

"Oh," said Naruto, and then he was blessedly silent. His fucking eyes weren't, though, wide and blue and sparkling in the evening light as they were—

Sasuke pulled in, and heaved the quietest sigh of relief he could.

"Hey," Naruto said softly, "sorry if that was—too much. Um, I'm a little drunk, so—"

"It wasn't," Sasuke said, cutting him off. "It was too distracting."

"Oh."

But Naruto's eyes were still scared, and Sasuke suddenly remembered—

(I feel...scared. All the time. It's terrifying.)

Stupid moron.

"Give me one more."

"One—um—"

"One more thing you're attracted to, dumbass."

Naruto's smile slowly, slowly widened.

"The way you call me stupid," he said, and before Sasuke could reply— "it sounds like you're saying something completely different. Every time."

Well…

Sasuke let out a breath, rolling his eyes with a small smile.

"Come on, stupid," Sasuke said, unbuckling his seatbelt. "You need to go sleep this off."

Naruto laughed, popping his head out of the car as Sasuke walked around.

"You gonna carry me?"

"If you'd like to be dragged across the pavement."

But he reached in all the same, pulling Naruto to his feet. Naruto swayed a little as he stood, and Sasuke quickly caught him by the waist, unsure if it was the alcohol or the fatigue finally getting to—

"Hey, Sasuke?" Naruto said, a soft glow to his face, even in the dark.

"Hm?"

"Right now."

Right—oh.

Sasuke swallowed.

"What—ah," he cleared his throat a little, "what in particular...now?"

Naruto's lopsided, dreamy smile widened.

"You," he said simply, shaking his head. "Just you."

...Probably the alcohol, then.

"Alright, you drunk. Let's go."

Naruto awoke, the next day, alone. He'd slept pretty late, if the sun was anything to judge by. He sat up, yawning, thinking back to the...oh…

The previous night.

Naruto stared down at his hands.

That had been...well, confusing—but maybe not anymore so than anything else Sasuke had been doing. Naruto had no idea what had gotten into him—or, well, he did, but…

He let out a breath and swung his legs off the bed. He'd never get anywhere just sitting here thinking about it all. He did his best brainstorming talking things out with Sasuke anyway.

"Guh," he said, finishing a yawn, "morning, 'ske."

"Morning, idiot," Sasuke greeted, sliding a bowl of something in his general direction. "I kept my bedhead for you."

Naruto dissolved into embarrassed, humiliated, thrilled laughter. Fucking Sasuke—

"Thanks, asshole," he said, laughing his way to the bowl. "What did you…"

Naruto gaped. And then he spun around, eyes wide—

"You—what—how—but Ichiraku's isn't even open yet!"

"I picked it up after you fell asleep yesterday," Sasuke responded easily. "Half of mine is still in the fridge, if you want it."

"What the—what did I even—thanks, Sasuke!"

Sasuke was waiting.

Naruto had opted for a shower, after his makeshift breakfast, and it had left Sasuke even more time to be alone with his thoughts—waiting.

He let out a breath, tapping his fingers along the couch.

He was nervous. More than a little bit. Any romantic interest Sasuke had ever had had been...well, not like other people described. He wasn't sure any of it had fit the description at all, and yet, this—

Sasuke swallowed, staring at the closed bathroom door.

It was a dangerous thing he so desperately wanted to ask. A single-handed way to answer every single question tumbling their way through his head, and an even better way to single-handedly possibly ruin his life.

Sasuke swallowed.

And yet he was going to do it.

If Naruto wasn't going to do it, Sasuke was…

The door opened, and Sasuke heaved in a breath.

"Hey," Naruto said, leaning over the back of the couch 'cause he knew some water would drip onto Sasuke. "How's it going?"

"...Significantly wetter than a moment ago, thank you."

Naruto laughed.

"It's my preemptive strike. I know you're gonna ask something crazy as payment for the ramen."

Sasuke let his head roll back, looking up at him.

"How could you possibly know that?"

Naruto's smile widened a little.

"You look nervous," he answered simply, because Sasuke did. Sasuke had the easiest tell in the world—whenever he was happy, he'd stare right at Naruto. Unwavering, comfortable, easily. When he was angry, he'd stare in bursts—hot and burning and then away, at a wall or somewhere past him. When he was sad he wouldn't look at him at all. And when he was nervous…

"Do I?"

When he was nervous, his eyes would flicker between every part of Naruto's face, as if scanning every bit of it for the slightest hint of emotion.

"Yeah. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Mmkay. You asked for this."

Naruto dove, headfirst, and rubbed his still-wet hair all over Sasuke's neck.

"Oi, you—" Sasuke scrambled, grabbing a laughing Naruto and somersaulting him over the back of the couch—Naruto ended up dizzy, staring up at the ceiling, his top half still splayed across Sasuke and his knees painfully on the floor—

He rolled and grinned right in Sasuke's face.

Sasuke's gaze wavered just a little less.

"You're an idiot," was his greeting, but it only made Naruto beam even harder.

"And you're a genius, so everything you say must be true. You gonna tell this idiot what you want yet?"

Sasuke rolled to face him fully.

"I want to try something."

Oh. Yep. There were his nerves—great, he nearly thought he'd lost them—

"O-oh?" Naruto asked, sitting up a little straighter.

"I've been asking you things," Sasuke said quietly. "Constantly."

Naruto nodded. He knew that well e-fucking-nough.

"I kept waiting for an answer I didn't understand."

Naruto breathed in.

"Sasuke, what—"

"I'm drawn to you. To all of you. I've always been. Something—about how had always...attracted me. I don't know when it started. I don't know when I first felt it." Sasuke swallowed. "It might have been the first time you held my hand in the hospital."

Naruto sat up rigid straight.

"Which would make it—"

"Eight years," Naruto whispered.

"Eight years," Sasuke said. "I buy you food all the goddamn time. It's not special."

Naruto's laugh was small and surprised—it barely broke through the fog of nerves and denial—

"Telling you how much you meant to me—that night, at the canyon," Sasuke continued, "it was terrifying. I was terrified. The only other person who meant that much to me was Itachi. I had no one else."

Naruto barely dared to breathe.

"I was terrified. It wasn't the first time. But everything—" Sasuke breathed out. "I knew everything would be okay. Even if everything else in my life fell apart—even when it did—you were there. And it was okay."

God.

"I hate going out," Sasuke continued, "but when you're with me—I don't care at all. I could be anywhere. It doesn't matter. It's all I need. And you..." Sasuke let out a small laugh. "You've been the most fascinating person I've ever met. I studied you every day and we weren't even friends. We were children. I couldn't keep my eyes off you. I..."

Sasuke turned back to face him.

"Everything you said made sense. Everything you said, I understood." And Sasuke was nervous again—even more than before, with how fast his eyes were moving. "You—know I'm bad at interpreting what I feel."

"You're worse than me," Naruto whispered, and Sasuke nodded.

"So I want to try something," he said softly.

Naruto moved as if the words had called him right in.

"Go ahead," he whispered, scanning Sasuke's eyes for something—

Sasuke leaned in. Naruto didn't dare close his eyes until Sasuke's breath was on his lips—sure, somewhere in his mind, that he was wildly and incomprehensibly misinterpreting things—but then it was there, then he could feel it, and he closed his eyes just to feel, memorize, etch the feeling into his brain—if he only ever felt it once, then—

Sasuke's lips pressed to his.

Naruto may as well have melted. He would have crumbled if he could bear to break the kiss—it took every bit of his strength to keep upright, to keep still, to not push, just let Sasuke—just let Sasuke—

Sasuke pulled back, and Naruto remembered how to breathe.

"I," Naruto breathed, gasping for air as if Sasuke had stolen it all away, "you're off the hook. If you hated that. If you regret it—don't worry, that'll last me at least another eight years, so—mmph!"

It was another gentle kiss that shut him right up—a gentle, laughing, decadent kiss, where Sasuke pushed harder than before and Naruto trembled just a little harder—it broke with Sasuke's laugh and then again, with his small—

"You idiot."

Naruto could have cried. In fact, he was coming awfully close, especially when Sasuke's hand slipped past his neck to gently grip the back of his head, especially when the kiss broke for air that neither of them bothered moving away for, especially when Naruto moved back, only to realize it was Sasuke who had been pushing, and then they were both on the floor, on the carpet—

Sasuke pulled away.

"Naruto—" Sasuke said, on top of him, on top of him, and reaching one hand to Naruto's cheek—

"I love you," he said simply, laughing even as he felt the tears on his face. "You stupid asshole. I've loved you every damn day since we met."

Naruto laughed again, and he felt a few more tears leak out of his eyes—

Sasuke leaned down and pressed his forehead to Naruto's.

"I was waiting to hear that, you know."

Naruto sucked in a breath.

"Wh—I didn't—I thought that'd be too much and scare you off—"

Sasuke let out a small snort.

"Then let's hope this doesn't scare you," he said softly, shifting his face so his mouth was right beside Naruto's ear—

"I love you too."