Chapter Text
Glimmer dreamed of the flowing sands of time. Effective as any dribbling spring, which patiently cut away at the rocks that once blocked its path. The sand and water carved without pressure until it bubbled forth in spraying bursts; a right frightful geyser of time that was too beautiful to look away from even if the heat was unbearable. And then Catra was there, smiling that little boyish grin, and all calmed in her presence. Like mother nature made flesh, the danger passed, the damages done, and where she walked grass and creeping vines grew. Loathe to make her walk alone, Glimmer had jogged up to walk with her linked elbow to elbow, and smiled as the vines grew over her stone skin and softening her too.
They walked and walked until the sun set, the black outline of mountains rising to kiss the watery yellow stripe across the sky. Fading to a brilliant red and then purple and then black as they watched. They scattered as sand on the ground.
When she woke the morning after her daddy’s anniversary, she could not help but think it would not hurt to be sand.
She smiled muzzily to herself, her thoughts a constant lapping of waves. A soothing buzz of nothing followed by a wakeful crash, feelings and thoughts and memories overlapping one another without competing before she’d slip nearly under once more. Peaceful. A slow and syrupy moment in time, where the soft early morning’s light could barely be seen. Downstairs she could hear the faint sounds of Miss Baker and Mister Pop working in the kitchen, the soft clatter of hooves and feet on the street below creating a gentle buzzing noise. And when her eyes focused, she couldn’t help but smile.
Catra was warm in her arms, soft and relaxed as she gently slept. Her wild hair seemed to invade everything except for her mouth which hung open slightly. Her nose scrunched up as if she would sneeze before her whole body began to twitch a little until she startled herself awake. God it was cute.
“Mornin’,” Glimmer whispered, making sure to stay alert in case she scared the other woman into sleep fighting. She was good to avoid a punch first thing in the morning.
But instead, Catra barely opened her bleary eyes before closing them and snuggling closer with a grumble. “Mmm.”
She snickered softly to herself and petted down Catra’s arm. “That’s all you got to say to me on this fine and beautiful morning?”
“Mmm.” And there was the sleepy grin she loved.
“Mmm.” Glimmer echoed.
“Mmm-hmm!” Catra nodded before stiffening up just a little, enough for her to know the day before was coming back.
Glimmer kept herself relaxed. “Don’t do that, too early for that.”
There was a pause and then Catra sunk once more into the bed, curling herself up into a ball. It didn’t look comfortable at all in her opinion, but Catra’s next grunt was more a purr than anything else so she supposed it must suit her needs at least. “Mmmmhmm.”
“There we go sugar.” She easily shifted until she was semi curled around her.
Their breaths slowed again, the world grew brighter and louder but it felt so far away compared to the almost forgotten sensation of holding another so close. Glimmer drifted easily back to sleep that morning without dreams.
As she all but inhaled her breakfast of stewed prunes, bacon, eggs, and hoe cakes under the very amused gaze of her mother she couldn’t help but appreciate the food more. Nothing fancy or special, and considering the good home cooking she’d gotten to have with Catra living with her, Glimmer was able to understand her view on the matter much better now that she had a reminder of what hunger could taste like having been too upset to eat the day before.
“Miss, once you ain’t had nothing but pemmican and sailor’s biscuits for a month straight, you can judge me. Until that glorious day, you can say ‘thank you Catra for making me this delicious meal’ and button your damn lip.”
It was still a delight to tuck into foods they didn’t always get at the cabin, and better yet her mother was there to sit in a comfortable silence so she weren’t alone. The only sign of Catra had been the crumpled waistcoat Glimmer woke up clinging to like a beloved blanket, but that was alright too.
“Besides waking ravenous as a pack of wolves, how are you feeling?” Angella had eventually asked when the two sat sipping their teas.
Glimmer blushed, even opened her mouth to argue when she burped instead. After that she nodded as seriously and haughty as possible, “I’m not sure I know what you mean, my table manners were impeccable.”
Her mother never sneered but it was a near miss this time. “Quite. Regardless, neither I nor Catra put on such a display.”
All she could picture was her mother selecting a specific small fork to dine with while Catra literally brought her plate to her mouth to shovel the dregs of her meal down with her fingers. She couldn’t help but snort a little. “Wait, wait, wait! Catra, not inhaling her food? My Catra? I think you may be confused, mother, that woman licks her plates clean.”
“...perhaps I am. I suppose you would know your Catra better. Speaking of, she seemed much better this morning.”
“I’m glad to hear that, but please, she’s not my anything.”
“You just called her ‘my Catra’, so I beg to differ.”
No! She hadn’t! Had she? “I don’t remember that.”
“It was just a minute ago!”
Well perhaps she did remember a smidge, but she was a rock. Or something along those lines? Wait, no, sand? Her dreams had been pleasant but were much faded by now. “So says you, the law is on my side.”
Angella chuckled, tilting her head meaningfully as she asked, “Oh? Pray tell, which judge will you petition? I believe Cornelius will be doing his circuit in two months, but Flutterina might be more sympathetic if you could wait for eight.”
Glimmer did her best not to grimace at the mention of the honorable judge Flutterina, who seemed to be two different people depending on if her robes were on or not. Adora might’ve fared well with the young woman but Glimmer preferred to not endure the whiplash thank you very much. “And risk it being thrown out? I think not. We’ll address it to his honor when he arrives. Until then, can you tell me how Catra was doing? Honestly?”
Her mother leaned back slightly delicately placing her tea cup down, “As well as any of us can be right now. A lot more rested than I expected her to be, and more pliant. She actually stayed and ate breakfast when I told her to before rushing to the office.”
“I don’t think she knows the meaning of that word let alone actually being pliant, but she has always been a bit more afraid of you than me I suppose.”
It was like a lightning strike, her mother sat upright, her eyes wide and mouth open unbecomingly as she sputtered, “Afra- no! She’s not afraid of me! I am not- I will have you know, I am very approachable!”
“Mother, I love you dearly,” Glimmer started, while doing her best to not laugh outright, “but you are very tall, very confident, and have the commanding air of a queen. You also ain’t a smiler first thing in the morning. Lotsa folks are intimidated by you, and poor Catra musta been spooked something fierce.”
“Intimidated!?! No, no, no, that can’t be right. I’m- if anyone is intimidating it was Catra when she first got here.” Oh it wasn’t often she got to see her mother in a full huff but it was as enjoyable as ever. “What with all the fist fighting when she first joined us, I was scared to death when I called her to the office to talk about her future with us. I thought she’d pull a knife or a gun on me. I’m intimidating? I think not!”
“You are looming over me and raising your voice, folks find that intimidating!”
“I am not!” Angella deflated into her seat. “I don’t want her terrified to see me. Is that why she doesn’t come around as often anymore?”
Oh dear. Glimmer wasn’t even prepared or qualified to explain her own odd situation with the woman, the idea of trying to help either of them get talking was daunting.
“You’d have to ask her, I'm afraid.”
With her meal finished Glimmer had spent the day mostly with Bow at the butcher shop seeing as Adora had literally locked the door to the office as she’d approached with a stern warning to take the day easy through the door. While she didn’t work a knife, Glimmer was willing to sit and talk with him, chattering on without much thought once he was assured she was feeling better today. It had been another nice and hazy sort of slip in time, leading her to eventually sit down in an old worn rocking chair on the back porch. When she awoke in the late afternoon he had the grace to not tease her too mercilessly for it.
At six in the evening she waited at the station on Bright Wing, who was handling Melog’s particular brand of sass rather well all things considered, and she smiled when Catra stepped out of the office with a tired small grin. It was a tense ride home, but not a bad ride for it.
Good lord above, but the time’s were changing.
Riding in and out of town was all at once old and new, their bantering no less enjoyable but far less sharp as they made the trip.
The questions and prodding of the town was finally coming to rest and settle some, and all but Double Trouble themself seemed to let go of their questions. And goodness knew no one expected any different from them.
Work was good, but for the first time since Catra left Glimmer felt that home was better.
It was a new holding pattern for her and Catra together, one that was feeling much more tender and much less brittle as the months flew by.
Before either knew it winter had come again marking a full year since Catra came back and Glimmer could only be grateful that Catra had begun to practice her reading further by reading old papers aloud at breakfast. Well, at least with some hindsight anyway.
“Mister E. Merriam reports winter storms across western and south western reaches of the nation. Huh, maybe we should stock up in case then. This is already yellow news, so maybe we can get something this week.” Catra mused as she sipped at her coffee.
But Glimmer rolled her eyes. “Mark my words that man doesn’t know his ass from his elbow on the matter. Weather forecasts! Might as well look into a crystal ball.”
“I dunno, Glim. ‘Trapta had a lot to say about it, some sorta doodad seems to measure just about everything these days. Give it another few years an’ it’ll pick up further.”
“And to think you don’t like magicians.”
Catra had laughed at that. “Miss, there is a world a difference between some bull shitting poppycock struttin’ around claiming magic powers and technology! Jus’ cause you don’t understand it don’t make it mystical.”
“At least a good magician is entertaining with the disappearing and reappearing, it provides a value is all!” There was a long pause as Catra’s brows raised higher and higher while she bit her lip harder and harder and Glimmer huffed, “Oh, just get it outta yer system a’fore you hurt something.”
“M-miss,” Catra cleared her throat but couldn’t stop her giggles as she spoke, “I know you thoroughly enjoy when I make things appear and disappear with you but-”
“EXCUSE ME!!” Glimmer blushed horribly as Catra cackled away at the table. “This is- you are- excuse ME!?”
“J-just takes some back strength and- and- HA!”
Glimmer had ripped the paper from her hands to hit her over the head with it but Catra refused to apologize for an objectively true fact and Glimmer wanted to pretend the whole subject had just never come up at all. Not because she didn’t want to think about sex with Catra, but instead quite the opposite problem.
“Fine! We’ll go get supplies for your damn storm, now shut up and eat your damned food!”
“You kiss your mother with that mouth o’yours?” Catra held her hands up in defeat at whatever she saw in Glimmer’s unhinged glare. “Apologies madam, my mistake!”
Provisions acquired, it took another two weeks before the snow started and Catra was insufferable about it. She was insufferable about that damn winter blow up right up until the next morning when they woke up snowed into the house.
They’d jumped from the second story window with some pans for a long and grueling day clearing the snow away from the window facing the barn and then the barn door itself. Melog and Bright Wing had simply stared placidly at them as they huffed and puffed and sweated away in the cold from their efforts, mostly grateful for them busting the ice that had formed on their water trough. The next day had been more of the same with a shovel helping make the effort easier.
The snowfall had lightened and eventually stopped, but the sun wasn’t hot enough to melt the deepest drifts and they gave themselves up to making the best of a bad situation.
And Glimmer was not complaining, oh no. There was something undeniably captivating to her about the way Catra looked during these strange snowy days. Glimmer had always been smitten with her good looks, but she was being proven right about how damned handsome she looked with facial hair. It ain’t too long, Catra herself carefully cut it down as soon as it was long enough to hack at, and sure as sugar, it was as patchy and scraggly a little thing as promised all those years ago. Thicker sideburns with gray in them, little bits here and there on the cheeks, a decent showing on the right side of her jaw and while it wasn’t growing thick, she did have a nice even grouping on her upper lip.
“Miss, you are developing a staring problem.” Catra huffed one morning as she trimmed off a bit under her chin. “Just a’cause a train is crashing off the rails don’t mean you gotta watch it!”
“Well I see one of us needs to make the effort to appreciate your beauty, so I suppose I’ll bear that burden for us both.” Glimmer was beyond pleased when Catra jerked, head whipping to the side to stare at her with a wide eyed blush. She was less pleased that Catra cut herself during the maneuver.
They agreed to not chat overly much while she was trimming after that.
But her staring problem only seemed to get worse.
It was the first day of hard winds that saw them scrambling just to keep a walkway open to the barn that Catra stumbled into the house after her. Both of them shivering and stomping snow off everything they could.
“Hell’s bells.” Catra had hissed causing Glimmer to turn and look at her more closely. “Do you see this Glim? This is awful!”
Her beard was short but she’d developed icicles in it regardless. Small little streaks of white at the tip of her chin and edge of her jaw with a couple of large chunks of clear ice hanging on next to her ear.
“Uhhh,” Glimmer said intelligently and with great poise, “wow. Huh. Guess I like you homemaker or homesteader.”
Catra had blushed horribly at that, stomping to the stove to warm up. “Miss, you cannot just go around saying things like that!”
Her stomach and heart were flipping and flapping and singing away as she elbowed her way into the ring of heat. That had not been a no, that had seemed like she enjoyed the flirting, and that had, well now, that was interesting indeed. Mighty interesting. For no reason, really. “Well, why not?”
“It’s- because- I- it’s sinful, that’s what!” Catra paused for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Hang on, hang on! Give me a minute to warm up and I’ll have a damn good reason for you!”
“I think you just don’t know how to take a compliment,” Glimmer chuckled a little, too enamored with feeling returning to her fingers to care.
But Catra just smirked as if she’d stumbled right into her trap. “Well now, I can take a compliment, it’s the pretty girl giving it that ties me up in knots you see.”
Glimmer may, or may not, have squeaked at that. “Oh? You think I’m pretty?”
“Yup.” They stood pressed side to side in front of that fire where Catra affirmed without any hesitation, “Prettier and prettier everyday.”
“Oh heavens to Betsy.” Glimmer hoarsely whispered to herself but it set Catra off and that only set her off as well.
As their laughter died down, Glimmer couldn’t help but swallow heavily. They were so close. The tip of their noses practically brushed as she became aware of Catra’s warm breath puffing softly against her face. I could kiss her. I want to kiss her. It would be easy to tilt her head and just go for it, it was the afterwards that would be a mite complicated. So what? I want to kiss her!
And maybe they would have kissed, given a proper chance. Instead, Melog whinnied with fear as he slipped face first into the snow and began to thrash about. They were all lucky he didn’t sprain or break nothing, but she still made sure to corner him later and hissed, “That was my shot, you bastard!”
Sure, she knew he was a horse, but there was always a chance that Melog really could understand them and she wanted to ensure he understood what he’d just done.
Melog, for his part, nosed at her pockets in case she had a treat for him, having learned nothing of the sort.
“Can you focus for just a minute sir?” Glimmer sighed gently, patting his forehead to get his attention back. “Sir, please. I almost kissed her again. …oh good lord I almost kissed her again. Melog, I think- oh goodness.”
She had not been prepared for such a revelation and was unsure what to do with it from there. So instead she gave Melog the dried apple rings she had brought for him and only had to swat his nose twice to prevent him from stealing Bright Wing’s good horse treats.
Of course, with nothing more to do but wait for the sun to, as Catra put it so polite and kindly, “Do it’s fucking damned JOB- piece of shit!” it left them cooped up together and Glimmer could feel the tension rising as cabin fever set in.
Glimmer was trapped in a sliver of immaterial hell mostly of her own making.
She glared out the small slice of the window that was fully clear of snow and begged the sun to penetrate the thick pine and pinon so that one or both of them could catch a damn break. Things weren’t awful by any means. No, in fact, it put into stark contrast how horrible things had once been between them! They talked and cooled, and gave space and gave notice, and today was just one day where Glimmer knew she was in a mood.
See, sometimes she was struck by the feeling that she should be feeling angry or anxious, like a strange mirage of emotions she wasn’t actually feeling. Glimmer caught herself looking for lies in Catra words, sometimes staying up late or waking early to try and catch her out somehow. She hadn’t even noticed the new turn of events until she’d snuck downstairs a week ago to see how much liquor was left, as if Catra was hiding a secret drunkenness by magic. The thought had shaken her up and now she was becoming hyper aware of these odd moods. The woman had done nothing to earn such mistrust, and Glimmer miserably didn’t know why she was behaving so poorly.
“Am I a bad person?” She whispered to herself and frowned at the table, shaking her hands lightly as she grumped back (again, at herself , this had to be cabin fever!), “No no no! None of that, you know it’s silly. Besides ain’t like she isn’t being strange either!”
And that was true. If Glimmer was being paranoid and frightful, well, so was Catra.
She’d caught her a few times clenching her hands on her belt like she was stopping herself from swinging a punch. More common was that stupid little smile . The one full of bitterness and anger, transforming Catra wholesale for just a split second before she’d grind her teeth and stomp off to whatever self imposed task she deemed fit. Her cold shoulder and sharp words never lasted long, usually followed with a tired sort of sheepishness showing she didn’t mean it. But the cutting words and hard glares and general jumpiness wasn’t any more pleasant to manage because of it.
Things weren’t mean between them by any stretch of the imagination. But the enforced contact was certainly, well, enforcing the long term contact.
“Yeah,” Catra chuckled grimly from far closer than Glimmer had expected, “it’s one of them mornings for sure.”
Glimmer turned and winced which only made Catra snicker more.
“You look- uh-” there was no polite way to say it and Glimmer was now very aware how she’d happily leapt headfirst into a lose-lose scenario with the woman she wanted to win.
Glimmer knew she didn’t look like a damn posey herself, but Catra looked like she hadn’t slept in days despite having slept a decent amount more recently than she probably ever had. Her hair was oily and sticking a bit together, her beard had gotten long enough that the hair on her jaw was sticking out at what should have been comical angles. She looked thin and wane and ready to collapse if not for how steady she was on her feet.
“Hain’t gotta say it, I think I looked better after being tossed off the damn train.” Catra grimaced before quickly scuttling towards the pot for her bowl of plain oats.
And there it was. That feeling that she should be feeling something much worse. It had been a dig against her, mentioning the train that is. But Glimmer could also tell Catra hadn’t meant to make it. Her hysterical giggle was a bit more of a wheeze as she half collapsed on the table and pulled her blanket closer around her shoulders.
“You alright?” Catra asked and Glimmer had to fight the insane double urge to, somehow, cackle and scream.
“...no. Not really. Are you?”
She turned her head just enough to watch Catra staring into her bowl like a man about to go to the gallows. “Mmmm, not in so many words. No.”
“Did-” Glimmer cleared her throat and made sure to not be judgemental by assuming the worst, “Since the horses are taken care of, wanna huddle up down here?”
The cold had eaten up a large chunk of their firewood and they’d agreed to hang a few sheets up and block off the upstairs as best they could. Downstairs was more insulated with the snow on the windows and walls, and by staying in the single room it gave them a bit more wiggle room on the stove use.
“Still gotta shovel a bit on the west side.”
Deep, slow breaths. Don’t be angry over nothing. Wait, okay, you can feel angry but don’t direct it? But don’t bottle it up? But don’t explode? Fiddlesticks.
Glimmer pointed out, “It’ll be there tomorrow and if it ain’t then we saved the effort.”
But Catra just didn’t like to give herself an easy way out did she? No, everything had to be a little joke just in case.
“Miss if you want me to touch you all you gotta say is-”
Glimmer sat upright and turned just enough to face her full on. “Catra, I want you to hold me on the damn settee under some blankets. It’s cold, we’re going stir crazy, and you give great hugs. That clear enough for you, little lady?”
Catra stared at her long enough that her spoonful of oatmeal slowly emptied back out into the bowl. “Uhhhhh.”
That darn not feeling!
“I’m tired of feeling mad at you when I ain’t mad at you, so please do me a favor when you’re done eating and hold me damn it!”
Was it bossy and desperate and too forward of her? Yes. Yes it was. But the little miracles just kept piling.
Catra sighed but there was no malice or disappointment, just softness. “I knew you were mad at me.”
“I’m not really.” She felt an undying need to defend herself washed over by a desire to clarify. “I’m being paranoid an’ I don’t like it.”
“Me too.” Catra began to eat in earnest, only speaking again when Glimmer huffed at her. “Look- I- no. Let’s hash this while you get cuddled.”
Despite being the one to demand it, Glimmer blushed horribly at that. “Like you aren’t gonna get cuddled too.” With a little side eye, she managed to snap her trap and wait as patiently as she could until Catra finished eating.
They both collapsed onto the abused springs covered in blankets and wearing at least two layers each as Catra scooted upright just enough to hold Glimmer against her chest. It was beyond nice. God be good, she could sleep here for the rest of her life and it would be well spent!
“Want me to start?” Catra eventually asked, and at her timid nod, continued, “I know you been checking up on me, seeing what I’m doing, making sure I’m where I said I’d be when I said I’d be. I know you been checking your drink too, I know what the scratch marks are for Glim, I ain’t stupid. And it…I got real mad for a while about it, but then I started thinking maybe now you spent some time with me…maybe you realized you don’t want me around no more. Looking for excuses to tell me to leave as soon as possible. ‘Bout a week ago I climbed up one of the drifts to walk into town, figured I’d go before you could make me.” Glimmer locked up, her heart squeezed. She couldn’t breathe as she imagined realizing Catra ran. “I didn’t make it more than five minutes slog before realizing I was being fucking stupid and came back. I told you I was done running. I am.”
They lay there for a short eternity as Glimmer calmed herself back down. “I keep feeling like I’m missing something, like you’re hiding something even though I know you aren’t. I’m not checking up cause I don’t trust you, I’m checking up cause I need to prove to myself it’s foolish. I keep getting mad when I’m not and I hate it. I don’t want to take it out on you but it’s hard to figure out what to do when I get up in arms over nothing.”
“Okay.”
“But…?”
“I don’t like that, but okay. I get it, it’s not like you control- ha!” Catra stared at the ceiling wide eyed as she laughed again. “Those old bastards!”
“Excuse me!?”
“Them damn Archers! George all but hauled my ass back in September-”
“EXCUSE ME!?”
“- it’s fine, don’t worry about it, but that’s one of the things he was telling me and I thought it sounded like one of them fickle feelings things that I was hoping was true but also loathing the idea of it being true and here I fucking am. I hate those two.” Catra sighed wistfully.
Glimmer knew better, “No you don’t.”
“Yes I do! Sticking their noses in my business all the time, being all,” Catra fake gagged, “friendly like!”
“Hush yourself! And finish your story a’fore I lose my mind!”
She couldn’t even properly fake her petulance but at least picked her story back up, “I thought George was gonna threaten me somewhere quite or something, but instead it was this real insidiot-” (Glimmer bit her lip hard to not laugh or kiss her right then over the mispronunciation) “- thing about talking with you and being honest with myself and god. Asshole said something like you don’t control the feelings you get, you have to deal with them though. Hate that he was right.”
It wasn’t nearly as funny as she’d hoped. Just another pebble that life was insisting on chucking at her head. “I’ve been trying.”
Catra held her tighter, mumbling, “I know. Me too.”
“I know. …thank you.” Glimmer tilted her head just enough to kiss the corner of her jaw and scrunched her nose up. She’d kissed Bow on the cheek before, and her daddy back in the day. She knew facial hair was not normally all that soft when it was short, but Catra’s wiry curls were still a bit sharper than expected.
Catra slowly tucked her chin in to look down at her, like a lost little foal. It was the most darling she’d ever looked in probably her whole damn life. And then, cautious as can be, leaned down just enough to kiss her forehead.
Glimmer could feel the tears in her eyes on that one. Whoo boy. She shuffled up, grunting a little to get a better angle and once evenly face to face, she decided to tempt fate twice and leaned down to kiss her properly. Catra froze for only a moment, Glimmer pulled away feeling foolish right up until she watched her melt into the cushions with a dopey little smile.
“That’s how you looked the first time we kissed, you know?” Glimmer grinned as Catra’s eyes snapped back to hers. “I like it when you smile like that.”
The smile only got a little brighter as Catra half taunted and half requested, “Well now, good thing you know how to get it out of me then.”
So they kissed again, and again, and again.
