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Callum’s engrossed in a documentary about the justice system when the phone lodged in his back-pocket springs to life. The vibrations scare the living daylights out of him, but luckily his apartment is empty so nobody witnesses the undignified yelp that escapes his mouth. He fishes it out with a groan, but his disgruntled frown instantly melts into a smile when he clocks the caller ID.
“There’s a bloke on this TV programme I’m watching that looks exactly like you.” He greets, and rests his head against the hard ridge of his sofa. A woman on the screen gets rattled into handcuffs with a screech and Callum grits his teeth at the sharp sound.
There’s a disinterested sniff on the other end of the line. “Wha’ you watching?”
“S’about the justice system.” Callum replies, and jams his phone between his shoulder and ear to reach the remote from the coffee table; his other hand firmly commandeered by a cup of tea. “Prisons and courts and community service, you know.”
Ben makes a noise similar to a wounded animal and Callum’s heart clenches. “If you’re saying I look like some scum on a shitty Channel 4 prison show, I’ll deck ya’.”
“You’d never lay a finger on me.” Callum snorts warmly. “An’ it’s on BBC.”
“Arsehole.” Ben chuckles, with no real heat behind it. His tone sounds light enough, and he’s not crying, so Callum immediately guesses that this isn’t a life or death call. They’ve only been officially together for five months, and yet Callum’s already received an alarming number of panicked calls or texts that simply read, don’t go into your kitchen until I’m there xx
Would he have it any other way? Would he fuck.
“You okay?”
“Uh,” Ben’s atmosphere immediately drops into serious monotone. “Not really. I need to ask a huge favour.”
“I love you, but I won’t lie in court for anybody who’s not you.” Callum says immediately.
“No.” Ben sounds like he’s rolling his eyes. However, Callum’s loyalty has been duly noted, and appreciated. “I’m gonna be stuck at the Arches for a few more hours because my staff are incompetent-” he yells the last word away from the speaker, but Callum still winces at the thought that some poor sod is going to be on the receiving end of his boyfriend’s wrath all evening. “So with Lola and Jay off galivanting around France, there’s nobody to pick Lexi up from after-school club?”
“Okay?” Callum draws out, not really understanding why Ben’s being so tetchy about it. Lexi knows him, it’s cool. They’ve not spent a lot of time together without Ben, but he’s sure he can manage driving her back to her house so that her Dad can meet them there.
“I rang Mum but she’s working all night and well, I’d rather die than ask Phil, so…”
“I’ll go and get her, Ben.” He promises, a small smile balancing on his features.
Ben gasps in relief. “Cheers, Cal, I owe ya’ one. I shouldn’t be too far behind you, ‘kay?”
“It’s fine. I’ve got a free evening and I would’ve come over to yours anyway.” He turns the TV off and abandons his empty cup on the table to shuffle into the hallway. He’s been to Lexi’s school plenty of times with Ben to pick her up, so hopefully the teachers would recognise him and not mistake his righteous soul for a wrong’n. “She comes out at half-past, yeah?”
Ben confirms the time, and they say swift goodbyes after Callum hears the unmistakable sound of a wrench falling through glass, followed by a horrified and apologetic shriek. Someone was going to end up getting fired at the garage today without a doubt.
Luckily, the kind-eyed teacher at Lexi’s childminding session clocks him straight away. They chat pleasantly about the nights drawing in and about Ben as Lexi carefully straps her shoes back on with her tongue poking out. It’s raining when they emerge, so Callum has to shield the small girl from large water droplets with the side panel of his coat. She giggles with incandescent mirth as Callum splashes through the puddles with his giant feet until he’s got her strapped into the spare car-seat Ben left in his apartment ages ago (“in case of emergencies, handsome”) while dripping all over his leather.
“So,” he meets her questioning gaze in the rear-view mirror. The surprise on her face when Callum had walked through the door instead of her Dad had been phenomenal, and he wishes he had a picture of it to show Ben. Lexi had been blessed with Ben’s wide, inquisitive eyes and whenever Callum stared into them he saw traces of his boyfriend. Curious, playful, slightly guarded. “Daddy’s stuck at work for a little bit, so I’m gonna take you home and wait with you until he comes back, alright?”
Lexi nods trustingly, her little pigtails bouncing up and down to frame her face. Ben’s hair repertoire was very limited, so cute bunches it was until Lola returned. In fact, Ben had found a French-plait YouTube tutorial, watched it all the way through and then downright refused to try and replicate it. According to him, his big fingers weren’t able to execute something so delicate, but Callum had bitten his tongue about the obvious hypocrisy when it came to Ben being an expert at fixing the intricate engines in motors. He valued his balls, after all.
“Come on then, tell me about your day?” Callum raises his voice over Radio 1 as he busies his concentration with trying to turn right. Lexi jumps on the cue and launches into a long spiel about her day playing in wet leaves and constructing whole cities out of Playmobil. Even with a chaotic start to life, Lexi was headstrong and terrifyingly intelligent. Callum had his suspicions that Ben was actually a lot smarter than he pretended to be, so Lexi’s recount of architectural phrases he’d never even heard of was not surprising in the least. They make it back to Ben’s relatively quickly, and the house is freezing when they run inside with the spare key swinging from Callum’s keyring. It takes a moment to remember that Lexi’s clothes are soaked through from the rain, so when she shivers in the harsh lights of the hallway, Callum’s heart seizes with worry.
“You cold, little one?” He bops her on the nose and she laughs, regardless of the fact that her lips are starting to tinge blue. “Okay, I’m gonna go and run you a warm bath so you don’t get hypothermia.” Lexi just blinks at him, so he reigns in his vocabulary to make things easier. “We don’t want you to get too cold and turn into an ice-cube, huh.”
“Mummy would be cross.” She nods seriously. Callum’s more concerned about her hard-as-nails Dad, but yeah, Lola would string him up if anything happened to her girl. Not that Callum would ever let anything happen; he’s become very fond of the tiny blonde bombshell perched on the bottom step, trying to undo her zip with numb fingers. He ushers her upstairs, and she disappears into her room to dispose of her wet clothes whilst he fiddles about with the bath taps to get it running. The bottle of bubble bath slips out of his hands and splashes into the water, sending half of the contents swirling into the liquid. After a few minutes, Callum’s left with a bubble paradise that’s seeping over the rim of the porcelain. Lexi shouts him to let him know that she’s ready, so he steps to the far-end of the hallway to try and get the heating to work whilst she gets into her personal aqua-park, just to give her some privacy. The next fifteen minutes fly past in a kaleidoscope of splashing and colourful plastic dolphins with their own rubber rings. Callum quickly concludes that the dolphins’ rings are a waste of resource and money, because they’re aquatic animals that can swim unaided. Lexi, firmly concealed by the bubbles, gives him a very unimpressed glare when he voices this, so he clamps his mouth shut.
Callum’s phone chirps to life from the closed toilet lid, so he smears his hands dry and accepts Ben’s incoming call. “Hey?”
“Hey.” Ben sounds exhausted and irate, so Callum makes a face at Lexi, who just raises her eyebrows knowingly like she’s been exposed to all this before. She probably has, to be honest. “Bad news, I’m gonna be here for a couple more hours.”
“That’s…” Callum goes to say something along the lines of fucking shit but swiftly remembers the blonde child with a bubble beard he’s got splashing around in front of him. “Not ideal. What’s up?”
“Problem with the invoices.” Ben sighs. “My staff don’t know their alphabets. Lex okay?”
Lexi seems to sense that she’s been mentioned, because her head immediately pops out of the bubbles like a wrinkled meerkat, pink dolphin determinedly in hand. Callum’s lips reflexively quirk upwards into a soft smile. “All good, she’s currently in the bath because we got soaked running to the car.”
Ben chuckles. “Bless her. Are you sure you’re okay to stay with her until I get back?”
“Of course.” Callum nods resolutely and accepts the blue dolphin that Lexi is handing to him. “I’ll give her some tea and we’ll just chill until ya’ home. Not a problem, Ben, I promise.”
That seems to convince his boyfriend, because when his voice comes back he sounds tons lighter. “There’s Dolmio sauce in the cupboard, and for gods sake don’t give the kid chocolate until she’s eaten something proper.”
Callum fights the urge to salute. “Pasta first, got it. I’ll see you later?”
“Yep. Behave, both of you.” Ben says.
“Yes sir.” Callum mutters, and laughs when Ben hangs up with a scoff. Lexi smashes the noses of the dolphin she’s holding with the one dangling between Callum’s fingers aggressively.
“When’s Daddy going to be home?” She scrunches her face up when she realises how shrivelled the pads of her fingers have gone in the water.
Callum takes note and eases himself into a standing position, ignoring the twinge in his knees that lets him know that he’s old, to grab her dinosaur towel from the rack. “Later than he thought.” He holds it up and politely adverts his gaze as Lexi climbs out of the bath and into his embrace. “So me an’ you are gonna hang out for a bit longer, okay?”
“Okay.” She accepts. Callum settles the fluffy towel around her shoulders and quickly rubs her back and chest to get the worst of the water off her skin.
“You okay to finish drying yourself?”
She just fixes him with a look, and raises her eyebrows in a way he’s definitely seen Ben do. “I am seven.”
“Right you are.” Callum tickles her under the chin and runs into her room to grab the matching pyjama set rolled into a ball under her pillow. He leaves them on the towel rail, and then sits outside the closed bathroom door with his legs crossed, waiting for her to dry and dress herself. The door sweeps open to reveal a grinning Lexi, wearing a pyjama top Callum’s eighty percent sure is back to front. She seems content enough, so he leaves it and shuffles past her to drain the cold bath and run a spare towel along the floor to pick up spilt water from the splashing.
One look in the kitchen cupboards when they’re back downstairs is wholly depressing.
“Remind me to tell Daddy that he needs to do a food shop.” He murmurs to Lexi, who’s sat on a chair adjacent to him with a colouring book she’s apparated out of thin air. She just hums without looking up from her half-finished dragon. A peek into the fridge turns out to be even worse, so Callum concedes and grabs Ben’s suggestion of pasta and a Dolmio stir-in. He keeps one watchful eye on the pan of simmering fusilli pasta and the other on Lexi. The girl just sits there quietly and swaps between colouring pens like an artist. Callum’s suddenly overwhelmed by a rush of love and protection he’s never felt before, almost fatherly. He drains the pasta and stirs in the tomato sauce with a hard ball of molten ache lodged in his throat. Adding chopped olives salvaged from the bare fridge onto his own with a dash of black pepper, he serves Lexi’s basic tea to her and settles down with his own bowl. They eat in content silence, only shattered by Lexi asking what olives are and then looking totally disgusted when Callum feeds her a bite. It’s familiar. It’s right. It’s totally new territory.
The dishes get abandoned to the sink, and then Callum finds himself wedged into the sofa with Lexi at the other end watching what can only be described as pure horse-shit. Whatever kids TV channel Lexi’s absorbed by is like watching a real-life acid trip for any sane adult, so Callum lets his mind wander. He dreams of family holidays with him, Lexi, Ben, Lola and Jay all crammed into a Cornish cottage. He imagines Lexi’s face when she’s running up and down a British beach, staring into the shallow waters filled with fish. He thinks about walking hand in hand with Ben along picturesque winding country roads at sunset. He’s never yearned for something more in his life.
Lexi then shatters his daydream by looming into his vision to let him know that she’s finished watching her channel. Thankfully, those mad bastards on CBBC seem to have gone to bed, so Callum relishes in switching the TV off. “What do you wanna do?”
His honorary child thinks for a moment, before her features light up in excitement. “Can we read a book?”
Callum blinks at her, because that was the last thing he was expecting. “Yeah?” He says cautiously, not knowing if she means a kids story or a giant pamphlet on architecture. She vaults from the sofa and disappears upstairs, only to return with a book dazzled in red glitter.
“Right.” Callum takes the book from her outstretched hands and reads the gaudy-looking title. “Cherrybomb Fairy, yeah?” Lexi nods and climbs back onto the sofa when Callum has an idea. “Hey, why don’t we make a big nest on the floor? I used to do that when I was little, with cushions and blankets and stuff.”
He very quickly becomes a hero, because Lexi gasps like she’s just won the lottery and disappears from the room again like a tiny bullet. When she returns, her arms are piled high with blankets and fluffy throws, including a blanket Callum knows full well is supposed to be on the end of Ben’s bed. He bites his tongue but eyes the soft material with a grin. Lexi helps him bunch up the bigger blankets into an oval shape and then stuff the remainders into the middle to create a raised, flat surface. They proceed to fill the foundation with cushions from the sofa, and Lexi squeals in delight when Callum picks her up around her midriff and deposits her right in the middle of their creation. He climbs in after her, and drapes the blanket he’s salvaged- Ben’s blanket- over their bodies. His chest seizes as Lexi takes the opportunity to crawl into his lap and curl up against his chest so she can follow the book’s text as they go. Her warm little body wriggles in his hold, trying to get comfy, so Callum forces his muscles to relax in order to make a softer base for her.
“Off we go.” He announces when they’re finally settled. Lexi opens the book to the first page and drags her finger down the establishing illustration. “You wanna help me?”
She nods, so they launch into reading aloud. Lexi takes on the role of the youngest bad-ass fairy with bubble-gum hair, sounding out each word phonetically as Callum encourages her and gently corrects her when she’s wrong. He delivers his bit with gusto, flitting between hyperbolic voices with ease. If he was going to do it, he may as well do it right. Lexi revels in the performance, and sits there giggling at every character shift, the vibrations of her laughter warming Callum’s chest.
He’s just shouting about a desired magic wand, when the tell-tale sound of a key in the front door lock resonates throughout the lounge. Lexi, already falling asleep in Callum’s arms, immediately perks up.
“Daddy!” She shouts when Ben pokes his head into the room, his confused frown instantly fanning out into surprise. One look at their blanket nest has Ben’s cheekbones raising into a beam and his eyes sparkling, as though he’s stepping into Callum’s soul and calling him a soppy git.
“Hi princess.” He says, and catches Lexi in a running jump after she’s untangled herself from the cushions. “This looks like fun?”
“Uh-huh!” Lexi says, burrowing her warm little face into Ben’s neck. “Daddy Callum was reading me Cherrybomb Fairy.”
“Daddy Callum, huh?” Ben bows his eyebrows up into curves of glee and smirks at Callum with those arching lips. His eyes sparkle in flawless awe of domesticity, and Callum can’t help but look away as he flushes red. “Well ain’t you a lucky girl?”
Lexi murmurs an agreement, her dropping eyelashes fluttering against Ben’s fragile skin. “He’s better at th’voices than you.”
“I bet.” Her father agrees with a snort. He hitches her small body higher up his ribs and pokes her gently to coax her head out of his shoulder. “You wanna say goodnight then, sweetheart?”
Lexi blinks at Callum, once, twice, before a wide grin blooms out along her jawline. “Night!”
“Night, Lex.” Callum smiles back as he makes a start on tidying away their furnishings nest. “Sleep well.”
Ben disappears with her up the stairs, their gentle mutterings barely evident. He manages to slip his daughter into bed with minimal fuss; her eyes already heavy with sleep as they begin dropping against her will.
“Will Daddy Callum always be my second Daddy?” She suddenly asks just as Ben’s about to leave. His legs freeze in the doorway, and her quiet voice, laden with exhaustion, holds too much severity for him to ignore her.
“That’s definitely the plan?” Ben reaches over the lampshade to comb his fingers through her hair. It falls in blonde tendrils against her forehead like a wet mohawk, but she’s picturesque perfection. “Why’d you ask?”
Lexi shrugs under her duvet so it bunches up around her collarbones. “I really like’m.”
Ben’s heart bursts into confetti fireworks. “Yeah?” He whispers into the dark. Lexi’s approval was first and foremost, his priority. “Me too.”
That seems enough for his seven-year old. Eventually she falls quiet, and if Ben sits on the side of her bed waiting for her breathing to fan out into an even rhythm, nobody needs to know.
Callum’s cleared away the entire lounge when he appears back downstairs. Warm light floods the room, making it seem homely for a split second. Then again, home was wherever his sweet and lanky other-half was- as cringy at that sounded.
“So,” Ben reaches out for Callum who obediently pulls him flush against his body, allowing the shorter man to wind his arms around his neck. “Daddy Callum, yeah?”
Callum rolls his eyes at Ben’s cheeky grin and lets his muscles relax so his head can rest against his boyfriend’s wrist. “A shock, let me tell you.”
“Honestly Cal, if she made you uncomfortable then just say, because I can ‘ave a word with her and ask her to just call ya’ by your name.” Ben unravels his koala-grasp on Callum’s neck to point up the stairs, and the git even goes as far to step backwards into the hallway.
Truthfully, Callum can’t quite believe what he’s seeing. Ben’s worried about Lexi, that sweet, innocent, hilarious little girl, offending him?
“Come here.” He just demands. Ben regards him for a moment before cautiously walking back over. The confused grimace marring his expression instantly drops into golden content as Callum snakes his hands around his midriff to cross his palms at the base of Ben’s spine. After months of conflict and awkward touches, it was heaven to be able to wrap each other up in embraces as though the world was grey and they remained the only colour left. “Do you remember what I said to you when we got together?”
It’s clear that the finally doesn’t need to be verbalised. Both men were painfully aware of how long it had taken to get to this.
Ben gnaws at his plump lower lip with his teeth to create small indentations along its seam. “Vaguely, so, yanno’- remind me?”
“Twat.” Callum knocks their hips together, causing Ben’s soft laughter to instantly trail off into a hitching exhale. “I said, that I choose you.”
He gives himself a second to drown in Ben’s cognac eyes. Then he hears, “I remember.”
“I didn’t actually mean that I wanted just you.” Callum reiterates with a shrug. “I meant, that I had chosen you, and all of your Jeremy Kyle shit that comes along as your baggage.”
Ben instantly draws up. “Um-”
“I chose you, and your Mum, and your psychopath of a nephew, and Ian- although fuck knows why- and Louise. I chose Lola, and Jay. I chose Lexi; I chose your beautiful daughter because she’s an extension of you Ben, so how could I not love her?” He sighs, and digs his fingertips into Ben’s tanned back to release the tension clouding the mechanic’s corded lines. “I even chose bloody Phil, because I chose you. Do you see? It’s always been about you.”
There’s so much love radiating from Ben now, he could light up the national grid. Without thinking, he raises onto his tiptoes and catches Callum’s lips in a deep and languid kiss, smooth against his own stubbled jaw. He tilts his head and slots their probing lips together properly, perfectly, and Callum responds straight away as his back arches deliciously. Callum’s own hands move from Ben’s spine up into his hair, and he holds them still for a moment, just cradling the shorter man’s skull like it’s his most precious possession. Ben eventually pulls back with hooded eyes, and smirks to himself at Callum’s breathless gasp.
“I love you.” Ben whispers, the truth caught between them in raw honesty.
“I love you too.” Callum drops another kiss against his man’s grinning mouth. “An’ I love your kid.”
“She’s pretty great.”
“She’s amazing.” Callum nods. “She’s exactly like you, Ben.”
The other man pouts sarcastically. “Don’t say that, I had high hopes for my Lex.”
Callum shakes his head and strokes his thumb along Ben’s taut jaw. “There’s nothing about you that I don’t love, even though the majority of you drives me round the bleedin’ bend. That little girl up there, is a mix of the best parts of you and the best parts of Lola.”
Silence falls on them as Ben processes Callum’s thoughts. “I only have good parts because of ya’.”
“That’s not true,” the taller man demands. “You’ve always been good at heart. I’m just one of the lucky people in your life who’ve been able to show you.”
Ben blinks back the hot prickly feeling etching at the back of his eyelids, and swallows heavily. “Lex is just as much your kid as she is mine.”
“Yeah?” Callum asks quietly. The mere thought of having guardianship over Lexi sends ripples of delight soaring through his veins. “That’s good then, because I bloody love that sweet little girl.”
Ben nods adoringly, and presses his forehead against Callum’s collarbone so his boyfriend can draw him close again. “S’all worked out, innit?”
“Yeah, baby.” Callum whispers into his boyfriend’s ear. The streetlamp from outside the window washes them in swathes of silver light. They’re untouchable, for a heartbeat. “For the best, now.”