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Part 1 of Zenitsu & Obanai's Journey
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Published:
2019-09-02
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2024-09-04
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Chapter 48: Goodbye

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Obanai awoke in a vast, endless void.

 

Darkness stretched endlessly in all directions, pressing against him, making it hard to tell if his eyes were open or closed. There was no light, no life, only the oppressive weight of emptiness that made his heart feel heavy.

 

The air felt thick, stifling, as if it was swallowing the very sound of his breath. It felt strange, lonesome as if the world itself had abandoned him in a place no one else wished to roam. It was terrifying in a way and a part of him; a floating, distant part of him wanted to curl up into a ball and hide from it. Yet despite the cold and the stillness, despite the fear and the worry, a strange calmness found its way into his core and quietly settled over him, a numbness that dulled the fear so to speak.

 

He couldn't place a finger on that calmness, the blanket of gentleness that cocooned his very soul. For it seemed in here, at the core of his being while he was weightless, adrift in an abyss of nothingness, he was still intact, still him and that made it all somehow alright. Despite being in a place that had never known life--a forgotten corner of existence, void of colour, of feeling, of time, he found that; after fighting his brittle fears, he could still breathe. Could still exist and the terrors facing him where muted somehow.

 

Still, being alone was not a feeling he much favoured and if he had his way he'd be out of there this very second. But he didn't know where he was or how he'd gotten here and thoughts, thoughts where hard to grasp in here. One moment he was doing alright, he was himself, thinking and feeling and in the very next second everything felt so distant and dead and so far away.

 

He needed to get out of here, now.

 

Agatsuma---

 

Eyes widening he froze; when he'd been going in circles trying to muse through the endlessness.

 

'Fuck,' he'd all but forgotten about Agatsuma. Where was the kid? Fuck this shit. Every and each time he'd left the brat along for a second apparently this seemed to be the unanimous happening. Darkness, death, pain and more pain. How was that fair. Was the kid cursed or something? Because none of this made any sense.

 

Agatsuma had been right by his side and in a blink of an eye, he no longer was. Why? What had happened----

 

Then, faintly at first, as if answering his call of confusion, he heard it; a soft, lilting melody, the delicate sound of a flute carried on a breeze that didn’t exist. He knew the sounds of flute now. Thanks to Agatsuma, and that was indeed unmistakably the sound of a flute, and yet…..

 

The music drifted towards him like a memory long buried, bringing with it a quiet familiarity that pierced through the void. It was a familiarity not of life, but of something remembered, distant and fading. It was strange, so strange, and he didn't like strange one bit. If he had his way, strange and him would have parted ways a long time ago.

 

Still, Obanai’s body moved instinctively toward the sound, as if it were the only thing tethering him to reality, drawing him in, grounding him. He didn't like it but he couldn't help but follow it either as if each step brought him closer and closer to the right conclusion. So he took them; each step feeling lighter, the darkness retreating slightly, as though the void itself feared the brightness, as though it was dissolving, leaving only the strange dissonance between comfort and melancholy in its wake.

 

He kept walking for what felt like hours. Walking and walking and walking and when he thought he could not walk anymore, the flute rang again and he took his first step. Briefly he wondered if this was his destiny. That this was how he was meant to live out the rest of his life. Was he even alive? Maybe he'd died and this was his penance for being the dirty blooded filth, killer of his own family? Maybe---

 

And then, in the distance, he saw her.

 

Yui-sama.

 

Yui-sama was here…how, why, he didn't understand. It didn't make sense, she was supposed to be far away, and they were never supposed to see each other again. So, why?

 

She sat on a nondescript rock in the middle of the void, her back turned to him, still as stone. Her posture was relaxed, her hands resting gently in her lap, and yet the music continued, though the flute was nowhere to be seen. He was so confused and angry…was he angry? He didn't even know anymore, everything was so muddled but despite that, her mere presence still felt like an anchor in this surreal expanse, even as it carried with it an unnatural stillness, a silence beneath the music that made the void seem heavier, thicker.

 

Obanai approached her quietly, hesitantly. He'd wanted to march up to her, snap at her, ask her where Agatsuma was, if she'd done something to him but then his scars burned and he treaded cautiously. One small step after another, a strange tightness gripping his chest at the sight of her, a sense of loss he couldn’t quite place.

 

The longer he looked, the heavier the sadness grew, creeping into his bones like a chill he couldn’t shake. He didn’t know why, but seeing her like this; in here, in this nothingness when she should be somewhere colourful, her village where she'd always been, it felt wrong, felt like a dream he should have woken from long ago. But he voiced none of that, choosing instead to sit beside her on the cold, hard ground, leaning against the rock. Together, they stared into the void, the silence between them stretching on, fragile yet unbroken. The distance between them seeming infinite, and at the same time suffocatingly close, as if every unsaid word was pressing against Obanai, demanding to be spoken, but refusing to take shape.

 

After what felt like an eternity, he found his voice again; spoke, his words sounding so hoarse and unfamiliar, as though it belonged to someone else, someone from a lifetime ago. ''Why does it feel like something is missing?'' he asked, he didn't dare look back at her. He didn't dare wonder where Agatsuma was anymore either.

 

Where was the kid?

 

Yui-sama didn’t answer right away and it made him look, he couldn't help it. She felt so different, yet the same. Her hair dark, her eyes bright, her lips red like blood.

 

What was going on. Why did he feel so sad? She tilted her head, eyes distant, as if searching for something she couldn’t grasp, as if the answer was slipping through her fingers like water and it made his chest hurt, and it made him angry. ''Because….,'' she started of slowly, ''something always is,” her tone was filled with melancholy. ''No matter how hard we try to hold on, things slip away little one… promises fade.'' She stilled then and he caught his breath. ''like echoes in a dream that you can’t quite remember I suppose.'' She finished, smiling. It was a fragile little thing and Obanai couldn’t find the words to respond.

 

He sat in the weight of her revelation, the unfamiliar sorrow still pressing down on him, making it hard to breathe. His chest felt tight, his mind numb, and somehow, even if he was unable to explain it to anyone, Obanai found that yes, there was a part of him that understood---understood the inevitability of loss she wasn't voicing, of how everything one fought for could crumble in an instance, slipping through your hands like sand only to be left mourning.

 

For in this very moment, he felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, watching the world fall away beneath him, powerless to stop it.

 

He wanted to say something, he tried to say something but his lips wouldn't move, his tongue was suddenly too big and his mouth too dry.

 

Then, out of the blue, the sound of footsteps; quick, frantic echoed through the emptiness. And how loud they were in the silence.

 

Obanai turned; tense, he hadn't know who it would be, had been prepared for everything other than who he saw, and so his heart lurched at the sight of Kyojuro.

 

The Flame Hashira, his friend, his coworker, his brother?.... Was running toward them, his face twisted into something he'd never seen. There was frustration there, anguish and maybe even desperation. Why, he wondered. Why, it didn't make any sense. He wanted so badly for it to make sense.

 

For Obanai had never seen Kyojuro like this; so broken, so vulnerable. It made his stomach churn with unease, a sickness born not of physical ailment, but of the deep, unsettling wrongness of seeing someone so strong be so utterly consumed by grief. For it was grief wasn't it. A reflection of his own feelings that he still couldn't quite place why it echoed within him.

 

Why grieve when everything was alright?

 

Why……….

 

Why………………

 

And then it all came crashing down. In a blur of crippling avalanche, it all broke a part; memories, grief, pain---all at once. He whipped his head back to Yui-sama, shaking it in denial, for he couldn't believe it, he refused to believe it. He didn't trust her, not after what she'd done, he didn't much like her either but….this felt like his heart was being forced out of his chest.

 

''No,'' he hissed, he refused to believe this. ''No, this is insane, you're not even…. You're not even human. This is ridiculous.'' But the words felt useless, hollow, like shouting into an empty room. The void swallowed them whole.

 

Yui-sama smiled at him, but it was a sad, weary smile that made her seem both larger than life and heartbreakingly fragile. She reached out, her thumb brushing gently over his bandaged cheek, over the scars bellow, over the trauma, and the warmth of her touch sent a shiver down his spine. It felt too real, too solid for a place like this, as if it were a tether, pulling him back into the world of the living. ''I suppose,'' she murmured, gaze resting on him then moving over to Kyojuro's still figure. ''That wretched demon lord will continue to take the precious promises I make from me.'' Sorrow laced every word, as though every promise broken was another thread unravelled from her soul.

 

And that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair!

 

Obanai wanted to scream and tear his hair out and accuse her of abandonment and run and lay still and break down. He did none of that. And then Kyojuro was moving again, reaching out to her, unable to reach her, shouting something incoherent Obanai couldn't hear even if the distance was small….maybe long? He couldn't really tell anymore.

 

All he knew was that Kyojuro was angry and anxious and desperate, everything Obanai was but refused to accept.

 

And then, as if drawn by his brother’s pain, Senjuro appeared too, tears streaming down his face, he was saying something too as he tried to cling to Yui-sama’s sleeve. Obanai couldn't hear. He couldn't hear anything but if pleading to stay had a name, perhaps it would have been their names, linked.

 

The world became a blur; a swirling, disorienting storm of voices, faces, and emotions that Obanai couldn’t make sense of. All he knew for certain now was grief and the unwillingness to let go. So he reached out for Yui-sama, desperate to hold on to her, to keep her here with them, but his tongue felt heavy, swollen, and useless. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t stop any of it. The sight of Senjuro’s tear-streaked face and Kyojuro’s loudness only deepening the ache in his chest.

 

'They sounded so young,' he thought. 'So small in their grief. Kyojuro is a Hashira and yet he sounds so young.' But was he any different, for he felt it too, he felt the unmistakable raw desperation clawing at him, threatening to consume him whole, as if the very fabric of reality had folded inward, crushing him into fine dust.

 

And just when he thought he might drown in the weight of it all, strong arms encircled him, pulling him close, before dragging in the others. Obanai blinked in surprise, a momentary pause in his grief, to look back and have his eyes land on Rengoku Shinjuro, the former Flame Hashira.

 

The man didn’t reek of alcohol as he usually did, his mind noted first; clinging to that observation as if it was a lifeline meant to drag him out of perdition. Instead, there was a strength in him that reminded Obanai of the proud demon slayer Shinjuro-san had once been--- the man who'd saved him. The man who'd made it all okay.

 

And yet, he couldn't help but notice there was something more to him; a sort of heaviness. A sadness that lingered in the depths of his eyes, as though he had seen too much, lost too much.

 

And didn't that just hurt the soul when there wasn't a part left of Obanai's soul that no longer hurt.

 

''Get it together,'' Shinjuro-san suddenly barked, his voice gruff, breaking him out of his thoughts, Kyojuro out of his anger and Senjuro out of his tears. For some reason he could hear now. Hear the sobs, make out the words uttered by his friend and more than anything, lean on Shinjuro-san's clear cut existence. ''Say goodbye to a lady like gentlemen.'' The older man continued, tightening his grip around them, facing ahead; looking towards Yui-sama and…Obanai felt so small next to him. And maybe he felt safe too.

 

Obanai heard the crack in Shinjuro’s voice when the kid spoke next but chose to ignore it. ''I just don't know why…why you have to go?'' The kid said. The snake pillar wasn't looking at Yui-sama so he didn't see whatever reassuring smile she was trying to offer Senjuro, but he heard her.

 

''It's alright child. I've lived long enough, seen more than enough and loved far and wide enough for this not to feel like an ending I cannot accept.''

 

A lump formed in his throat and he clenched his fists till his palms hurt. Turning to Yui-sama’s figure; was she fading? It looked like she was fading? She couldn't be fading…he was sure she wasn't….maybe she was.... and he muttered a quiet, ''Goodbye…'' of his own. The word tasting bitter, hollow in his mouth, like ash on his tongue.

 

Beside him, Kyojuro’s voice rang out with a promise of vengeance ''We're gonna find the demons who did this to you, Yui-sama,'' he bellowed, arms crossed and while his face was still stricken; eyebrows furrowed in that way of his; the ever so familiar grin was now plastered across his mouth, bright and unwavering, as if he could make it all okay with sheer determination. ''So rest knowing you will be avenged!''

 

She laughed, a bell of a laughter. It sounded so pleasant it made his eyes burn. Still he refused to cry. The youngest of them didn't seem to have similar restraint though for Senjuro; covering his face with both hands sobbed uncontrollably, whispering soft ''I’ll miss yous'' between his cries, his small frame shaking. Obanai reached out, fingers curling around his wrist, thumb rubbing against the pulse, trying to comfort, trying to make it all better. Shinjuro-san had let go of them by now, standing a little bit back, frowning then softening as Yui-sama looked past them and met his eyes.

 

Obanai's eyes darted between them, back and forth, back and forth and he couldn't stomach the sadness clouding the air.

 

How was this fair?

 

But it was Shinjuro-san’s words that struck Obanai the hardest. ''Goodbye, old friend,'' he said softly, his voice raw with emotion. ''So long.''

 

And in that moment, Obanai realized just how much Shinjuro had lost---how much he must have hated himself for missing saying goodbye to Ruka-san, his beloved wife. The pain of that missed farewell clearly still etched into every line of the older man’s face, and Obanai felt his own heart ache in response. It was a deep, resonating pain, a pain that knew no end, stretching out across the years like the void around them, vast and all-consuming. He still remembered Shinjuro-san's face when he'd finally made it home from his mission only to be met with the three of them, no longer four.

 

''And to you my friend,'' Yui-sama answered, making Obanai look back at her. Her smile was big, eyes bright with happiness and she'd pulled her hands to her chest. She no longer looked larger than life anymore. She just looked like a woman. A regular woman saying goodbye. Strong in the face of their grief and Obanai admired that and-----

 

Then Yui-sama’s brave, smiling face suddenly crumbled. Out of the blue, the gentleness of her joy, her love melted away. It was as if a mask long worn had just shattered. For tears began to stream as she desperately tried to wipe at her face, hiccupping, crying soundlessly and----

 

Obanai couldn't bear the sight, he couldn't----

 

''Please…'' she whispered, her voice trembling, fragile like glass on the edge of breaking. ''I… I don’t want to die. I want to stay here… with you....''

 

The raw vulnerability in her words cut through Obanai like a blade, and he felt something inside him shatter.

He threw himself forward trying to grasp, trying to hold, but then… she was gone and he was stepping through nothing. Just like that, she was gone. Fading into the darkness as if she'd never been there. The void around them growing colder, emptier, as if all the warmth Yui-sama had brought with her had vanished, leaving behind only an aching hollowness, a silence that felt like it would stretch on forever.

 

Kyojuro, for it could be no other than him was wrapping his arms around him, trying to say something. Obanai felt numb, he couldn't really hear anything at that point. He couldn't-----

 

In the silence that followed, the only sound was the faint echo of the flute music, lingering in the air like a distant memory; a melody from a life that was slipping away, fading into the vastness of the sadness that surrounded them, endless and unbroken.

 

Yui-sama's goodbye.

 

It was truly beautiful.

 

Goodbye.

Notes:

She's not even a canon character but writing this goodbye legit made me so sad wtf. Also the first draft was just obanai but I thought that wasn't fair on the rengoku family and yui-sama and my mind just refused to let go off shinjuro finally getting the chance to say goodbye to someone he loved. So there you have it. Let me know what you think and we're going back to our boy zenzen's chapter next time!

 

Enjoy<3

Cheers!!

Notes:

Hope you're having as much fun reading this as I have writing it! Leave a comment if you can and tell me what you think😊

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