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Bill hesitated outside Wes’ room. His son was moving away in a few days, and he wanted some time to connect with him. Bill was aware that he’d never connected with his younger son as well as with Nathan, the oldest, and, now that Wes was moving to D.C., he realized he was almost out of time. Finally, he just decided to nut up and knock.
A sleepy voice said, “What?”
“Wes? It’s your dad. May I come in?”
There was a pause before a cautious voice said, “Sure?”
Bill opened the door and peered in. Wes was sitting up in bed, hair going in every direction. His blue eyes, so much like Sarah’s, were heavy lidded with sleep.
“Is something wrong?” Wes squinted at his bedside clock. “It’s 4:30, Dad!”
“I know.” Bill paused.
“What?”
“I wondered if you’d like to go fishing with me, just one more time?” He knew it wasn’t really the right way to connect with his tech-obsessed son, but it was all he had. He didn’t understand a quarter of what Wes did on his computers, but fishing was something they could do and maybe talk? If they caught nothing, it didn’t matter. He hoped Wes would somehow see what he really wanted and cut him a break.
Apparently, his son was more observant at an early hour than Bill maybe really deserved. “All right. Sure, Dad. I’d like that. Give me a couple of minutes to get up and dressed?”
At that moment, Bill would have given him a lot more than just a “couple of minutes.” “Of course. I’ve still got to load the gear in the truck.”
Wes gave him a still-sleepy smile. “Okay. By the time you’ve got that done, I should be semi-functional.”
“I have a big thermos of coffee already fixed.”
“Bless, you, Dad!”
Bill left his son to get ready, and he packed up poles, lures and everything they needed for fishing. He looked in on Sarah, who was still crashed, cocooned in all the blankets. He thought about going in to kiss her, but he didn’t want to take the chance of waking her.
Soft footsteps came up behind him. “Ready?”
Bill turned. “Yes. Everything’s in the truck.”
“Let’s go show the fish how it’s done, then.”
Bill was happy that Wes sounded like he was looking forward to going out. Even if his son was putting a good face on it, he was glad this was going smoothly so far.
They drove to the lake in silence, early morning sunlight just peeking over the horizon. The sky was a vivid pink, cool now but promising to be scorching later.
“Gonna be brutal later, I think,” Wes said.
“Yes. June came in hot this year.” It seemed so mundane and not at all what he wanted this time to be with his son, but he wasn’t sure how to start talking to the young man who had once been a baby and had grown into…Bill wasn’t even sure what. Nathan, he understood. Libby, he adored. Wes? Wes had always been a cipher to him. So like Sarah and yet different in significant ways. He regretted how he’d never known what to do with him. He loved him as much as his other two children, but somehow, he’d never known how to show it.
The truck bumped over the grass to the lake, and Wes hopped out to untie the boat from the trailer. He and Bill carried it to the lake and loaded it with gear. Then they settled and Bill started the engine, steering it to a spot he knew would be a good site with lots of fish active this time of the morning.
They baited their hooks and dropped them into the water. Bill handed Wes the thermos of coffee, and his son gulped some down, looking more alert afterwards. They fished in silence for several minutes.
“This is good, Dad. I’m glad you asked me to come out with you.”
“You are?” Bill was pleased but surprised.
“Sure. I know we haven’t always talked much, and I wanted a chance to let you know that I love you and I’m glad you’re my dad.”
This was more than Bill had expected, and he didn’t know what to say for a moment. He blinked away the sudden tears that threatened in the corner of his eyes. “I’m glad. Wes. I’m sorry. I know I haven’t always maybe been the father you’d wanted. I…didn’t always know how to relate to you, but I want you to know that I always have and always will love you.”
Wes propped his pole against the side of the boat and reached over to hug his father. “I know, Dad. I also know that I wasn’t always the easiest kid to have around. But, maybe that’s part of being a parent.”
Unspoken between them was not that I’ll ever know that or even really want to.
Bill still had a hard time getting his head around the fact that his son was both asexual and aromantic. They were just foreign concepts to him. Falling in love, getting married and having a family had always been his priority, and he couldn’t really understand not wanting those things. But he accepted it about his son. He didn’t have to understand it, he supposed. However, he still had to check, one more time. “You’re sure you’ll have people out there to…support you?”
Wes laughed as he picked up his fishing pole again. “Dad, being ace doesn’t mean I don’t want people around. I do. I just don’t want what you and mom have. I get that what you have is what you wanted, but…it’s not for me. However, I intend to have friends. I’ve already met a few people out there over the Internet, and I’m looking forward to finally getting a chance to meet them in person.”
Bill nodded, supposing that was the best answer he was going to get.
“You’ll still come back for some holidays, right?”
“Of course.”
“Any of your friends will be welcome.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
They sat in silence for a while, until Wes’ pole bent, and he leaned forward. “Looks like I’ve got one.”
Bill restrained his impulse to help his son land the fish, and he was glad he did. Wes reeled it in easily and dropped it in the bucket. Soon after, Bill had a bite, and they had two.
Bill had intended them to do a lot of talking while they were on the water, but he finally realized that the silence was comfortable. The important things had been said, and it was enough to just be there, the two of them, together.
Once they had two fish each, Bill said, “That’s good. Unless you want to stay out longer?”
Wes shook his head. “Nope. Four is good. Mom can make a good dinner out of them.”
They steered the boat back to shore, gutted the fish and prepared to take them back home. The drive back was as silent as the drive out had been, but it was more comfortable now. Bill would miss his son, but he was glad he’d had a chance to spend a few hours with him alone before he left.
Sarah was awake when they got back. She smiled over the fish and said they would make an excellent dinner. Wes headed for the shower, and Sarah looked fondly at her husband. “Did you have a good talk?”
Bill was washing his hands at the kitchen sink. “We didn’t talk much, but we said what needed to be said.”
She hugged him from behind. “Good. I’m going to miss him too, you know.”
“I know. But I think we raised him right. He’ll do fine.”
“Of course, he will. He’s a Koehler.”
Bill smiled. She was right. He was, and Koehlers did what they needed to do. Bill trusted his son to live up to the family name, even if he wasn’t going to continue it through his own children.
And, for the first time, Bill decided that really was all right with him.