Chapter Text
“Shit!”
Alice couldn’t help but stifle her laughter, a hand shooting up to cover the smile that was threatening to break across her face.
“Don’t let Edward hear you say that,” she mock-scolded, “or he’ll frown himself into a headache.”
“You’re not funny, Alice,” she heard him call from the second floor.
I’m very funny, she called back, mentally.
Bella was already on her hands and knees, picking pieces of glass out of the carpet. “You know, I think you’re tossing it too hard.”
Alice laughed, “So, it’s my fault?”
“I’m not even catching it that roughly! I’m being so gentle you wouldn’t believe…”
“You’re doing very well, Bella.” Carlisle chimed in from where he sat across the room, peeking overtop of his laptop. “This is quite advanced for your age.”
“I’m seven,” she deadpanned, causing Alice to break into more hysterical laughter. “Vampire years! Vampire years!” She corrected, frowning up at her cackling friend. “You know what I mean.”
“I know.”
“It took Emmett over a decade to stop crumbling door handles,” Esme, who sat at Carlisle’s side, had been watching their ‘human lessons’ attentively. “You’re doing fine, Bella.”
“Not ‘enroll in night classes’ fine.” She grumbled, standing up and walking out of the room to deposit the shattered glass in the kitchen’s trashcan. “I love you all dearly, and I never thought I’d say this,” she continued talking as she walked back into the room, “but I miss people.”
“You do excellent walking through town,” Esme commented.
Carlisle nodded, not taking his eyes off the screen in his lap. “Always have, too.”
“Okay, but I need to be able to shake someone’s hand without breaking their bones.”
“That… would be useful.”
Alice smiled. It was true, Bella was showing more improvement in certain areas than someone could be expected to in less than ten years as a vampire. But when it came to reigning in her strength, Carlisle and Esme couldn’t help but marvel at her similarities to Emmett at the same age.
Before she could make another retort, a vision swept over her.
By the time she was back in the present, everyone around her already knew.
She didn’t even realize Bella was holding her hand until she squeezed it. Alice looked up at her and managed a smile that she was sure looked like a grimace.
There were good days and there were bad days, and along with it there were bad visions and there were worse ones. Today’s just so happened to be what Emmett had begun referring to as a ‘day ruiner’.
No matter how much she knew Jasper didn’t want her seeing anything that happened while he was in Mexico, Alice also knew that there was no helping it. She only sought out his future occasionally. ‘Wellness checks’ were what she called them whenever she felt the need to defend her harmful hobby to her family.
Bella squeezed her hand again. And Alice knew that look. She spoke before Bella could ask. “Not now. I’ll be back.”
“Okay.”
With the pitying eyes of her family on her back, she turned toward the back door that led to the deck. In seconds she was outside, and flying through the air, landing in a fluffy pile of snow before taking off up the mountain.
She didn’t hate their home in Alaska. She actually preferred it immensely over having to stay with Tanya and their coven. It had been fine at first, even with Laurent around (who had proven to be a very decent fellow) but eventually the crowd of vampires was becoming too much for her to handle in her emotionally fragile state.
After they moved into this house, two years back, Emmett and Rosalie had taken off. If anyone had been more sick of the snow than Alice had been, it was Rose. Ever since the two had been traveling, mostly.
They’d called last week for a pretty length chat. Their six month stay in Prague had gone eventfully enough. Rosalie had voiced her desire to stay somewhere in the states next, but Carlisle had advised against it. A few more years, and then they could attempt to properly reintegrate back into society in the US.
There was a chance they may simply, as a family, move overseas, but that was still just a flickering possibility in Alice’s mind. It might bring a welcome change, but Alice knew if her family went, she wouldn’t.
She couldn’t. What if Jasper finally came back? He wouldn’t be able to find her if that were the case.
Alaska was like her own little purgatory.
Once she was far enough away from the house, knowing that Edward couldn’t hear her thoughts, she decided she could afford a little cry.
It was hard. It was always so hard. It felt like a part of her was missing. But instead of there being a hollow ache or a strange feeling it was a painful thing. The hole Jasper’s parting left in her had left her with a jagged wound.
The worst part was she hadn’t even been able to say goodbye.
Thinking back to the last time she’d seen him, walking away from her with Bella at his side in the Phoenix airport, made the hole in her chest burn like new.
The past few years had been hard on all of them. But her family had never known her without Jasper by her side. For years, at the beginning of her second life, she had contemplated seeking out the Cullens first. Surely, they would’ve been ready for her arrival in their lives decades before Jasper would be. And she was so lonely that on a few occasions back in the thirties she almost relented.
But Jasper wasn’t just a person. He was her life; her other half. So the Cullens would get her with her soulmate, or not at all.
And Alice without Jasper wasn’t a whole person at all.
Even still, she tried her best. Her friendship with Bella formed easily, despite the circumstances. (And really, Alice was just as exhausted by Bella’s guilt over everything than Rosalie was by the time her newborn year was over.)
It was only Bella’s desire to reintegrate into the world that caused the sudden shift Alice couldn’t help but want to avoid entirely. If they moved, they’d likely reunite with Emmett and Rose. But if they moved, it was as if they were admitting that things were fine now, and they could move on.
Alice outright refused to move on without Jasper.
She chanced just a little peek, just for a moment…
And looked at the wrong time.
They were in the middle of a screaming match. Alice—never having learned Spanish—couldn’t quite follow along, but it wasn’t hard to figure it out. Battle tactics were the topic of the night. And there was a fierce disagreement to be had.
Jasper’s eyes were bright red—fresh with blood—and venom spewed from his mouth as he leaned forward, toward Maria, and shouted. She glared daggers back at him, quickly speaking over him when he said something she didn’t agree with.
Between them, on the floor, sat a smaller newborn, carefully drawing out a map of their territory with a broken pencil.
Jasper took a step forward, the motion emphasizing whatever ugly words he was shouting. The newborn at his feet went to stand up—preparing to move out of their way, perhaps?—and for an instant he stood in Jasper’s line of sight, obstructing Maria from view.
The boy was beheaded before Jasper was finished yelling. Then with a turn, he was out of the basement, storming off into the night.
She stared at the snow for a few minutes before sitting down. Then, pulling her knees up, she pressed her forehead against them and simply cried.
In the past couple of years, Alice watched more and more as Jasper’s humanity slipped away.
She wondered if there would be any part of the man she loved left by the time he returned.
And he would return, she thought. She would tell just about anyone who would listen. No, she hadn’t seen it. But yes. He’d come back to her.
And until then, no matter how painful it was, she’d wait.
There was an eerie silence that shattered through him the moment he realized someone had taken note of his presence.
He wasn’t trying to sneak up on anyone (honest) but two decades of watching your every step meant adopting ghost-like mannerisms. If you couldn’t be heard or seen, you couldn’t be attacked.
Or, well. It would be harder to.
So the instant the noise in the house quieted, he froze. Then, he decided he would let them come to him.
It baffled him that they would be with a wolf.
It didn’t take too long to track them down. Tanya and her coven kept a permanent residence in Denali. Eleazar had been genuinely sad in informing him that he didn’t have Carlisle’s current phone number, nor did he know their current whereabouts, but Jasper had simply been relieved to come across a familiar face.
One that didn’t murder people for their own gain.
His eyes had been golden then—he’d been forcing himself to practice ever since he left Maria burning in pieces under the desert sun five months prior—but he’d had a slip up soon after leaving Alaska. Every chance he got, he stared back into any reflective surface he could come across. It had been four weeks ago. There was still a barely-there tinge of orange amongst the gold.
Noticeable enough to almost make him stop his search.
But his family were not fools. They had to have known what he’d be doing once back with Maria. And human blood had been his only coping mechanism during the nineteen years he’d been away from Alice.
Alice. Just the hint of her scent that he could smell all over the yard made him feel as if he could burst.
The back door opened, and a man that Jasper vaguely recognized suddenly appeared in his line of sight. He was impossibly tall—taller than Emmett it seemed—dark hair, tanned skin, and as the wind blew across the backyard, it confirmed to Jasper that this was the wolf whose stench was all over the place.
“Oh,” the man spoke dumbly the second his eyes fully took in what was before him. “Oh, shit.” And when he bounded out through the door toward him, Jasper couldn’t help but take a defensive stance. “Easy man. You just missed Carlisle and company—they just went out for a hunt.” He threw a thumb up over his shoulder. “Back the other way of course. They’ll be back by dinner though. Kids only go for the exercise. They like real food.”
Jasper could sense there was a joke in his words, but he was still so confused that he could only bring himself to stare back.
“Ah, yeah. Okay. Well,” he gestured toward the house, “looks like you came a long way. Why don’t you come in? You can wait inside.” There was a beat of silence. “Just renovated the bathroom if you want a shower.”
Jasper hesitated for a long moment before slowly approaching the man and the house.
An old friend of Bella’s is what he turned out to be. Jacob Black, from the Quielute Tribe back in Washington. He’d lived out there in Fargo for the past dozen years now. According to the man, he and his wife met in college, had gotten married, and were expecting their first child when…
“I swore I was looking at a ghost. But it was really Bella.” He laughed. “In her defense she didn’t mean to run into me—like, she wasn’t looking for me or anything. But they’d just moved to town and I convinced them to stay—they were going to bail immediately after. I mean,” he shrugged as Jasper looked around the massive living room, pictures adjourning every surface, “I always sort-of knew about the blood-sucking thing with your family. It was a bit of a tale back when I was younger. But the day I saw Bella it all fell into place. Shifted for the first time about two weeks later. Which was definitely something.” He let out an awkward laugh. “So uh,” he spread his arms out wide, a little oddly, as if trying to get Jasper to feel more comfortable, “go ahead and make yourself at home. I’m gonna go, uh, talk to Carrie real quick. Give her a heads up about, well. Yeah.”
Jasper could hear the second heartbeat coming from somewhere on the floor above them, but the sound of a third, almost fluttering one accompanying it made it an easy noise for him to ignore.
He may still be a monster, but he wasn’t going to daydream about exsanguinating a pregnant woman.
Jasper barely moved the entire ten minutes Jacob was gone. Jasper could hear him, talking quietly to his wife, and then leaving voicemail messages for Edward and Carlisle. He didn’t move physically, but he did let his eyes wander. Family pictures were most of what he saw. Jacob and what looked like a wife and two sons.
There were even a few pictures of Bella thrown in the mix; his eyes were transfixed on a vacation shot of Bella holding the two boys up, one with each arm, when Jacob bounded back into the room. Jasper hadn't seen the girl since that fateful night nearly twenty years ago. Her golden eyes were bright and she looked happy.
“Alright, well, I sent enough messages their way that they should be back soon.” He clapped his hands, rubbing his palms together awkwardly. “Are you sure you don’t want a shower?” Then, a beat of silence. “You are Jasper, right? I haven’t just invited a stray vampire into my home, have I?”
It was meant to be a lighthearted jab, but Jasper could sense the acute fear that was permeating the air.
He shook his head. “How long?” He swallowed a lump in his throat. He hadn’t spoken since leaving Denali a couple of months ago. “’Til they’re here?”
“Like I said man, I don’t know. It’s all depends on how long it takes for them to…” a buzzing noise came from his back pocket, “call.” Then, shooting Jasper a grin, he held the device out to him. “You wanna keep it a surprise? Or answer it?”
Jasper simply stared at the offending device. “That’s a phone?”
Jacob seemed a bit puzzled before shaking his head. “I forgot you fell off the grid in ’05…” Then, he swiped his finger across the screen and lifted the rectangle to his ear. “Hurry up!” He spoke in lieu of a greeting. “What part of ‘huge ginormous surprise’ don’t you understand?”
“Jake, if we get back and it’s not an emergency—” Edward sounded annoyed and Jasper was overcome with emotion to hear his voice again. His brother.
“It is! It is an emergency!”
“Carrie isn’t in labor is she?” Carlisle’s voice was filled with concern and Jasper felt himself take an involuntary step backward. It was them. It was really them; he’d found them.
Jacob seemed entirely unaware of the emotional crisis Jasper was currently experiencing. “Nah, baby’s still cooking, now would you turn your asses around and get back here! Give Caleb and Will a lift too, with ya? I want you back here promptly and—hey wait!”
But Jasper couldn’t handle it. In seconds he was out of the room and back in the yard. Running his hands through his hair he had to take in a few deep breaths before he started pacing.
How could he do this? Just expect to show up, decades later, and think they’ll even care to see him? Everything that these people stood for: goodness, compassion, love. Those had been the first things he’d stomped out of his life the second they left it. There had been nothing kind or moral about the past chunk of his life.
He couldn’t even pretend like it had taken him long to fall back into his old ways. He wondered if they knew it had only taken him seven hours after they’d left before he’d gone back to the human blood diet.
Alice would have known. Alice would have seen every horrible, awful thing he’d done over the past several years. Would she even want him back? Or had she moved on, knowing it was better to forget and be happy again.
There was no way Alice wasn’t miserable if she’d been watching his future. And for her sake, he almost hoped she had moved on. She probably had, judging by the way she hadn’t been there to meet him at the house.
“She’s here, right?” He spoke again, forcing his voice into use once more. “Alice.”
“She didn’t see you coming, if that’s what you’re asking.”
It wasn’t, but at the same time it was.
“She can’t see anything when we’re around. The boys and I.” Jacob sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Something about our shifter DNA prevents her from having visions when we’re in close proximity to her.”
That was certainly something...
“How often is that?”
He sighed again, and something in his disapproving expression looked so very Edward-like in that moment it was stunning. “It was pretty often last year, but since the New Year she’s been here just about every day. I—” he seemed to hesitate with this next statement, but thought better of it, “Edward told me it’s because she didn’t want to see anymore.”
“See me.”
“Look, I don’t know the whole deal and the going-ons with your situation or not. But trust me. They’re going to be happy to see you. Alice is going to be happy to see you. Just don’t,” he shrugged, “I don’t know? Don’t kill anyone or whatever, probably?” He turned back toward the house, gesturing to him once more. “It’ll be fine.”
Jasper couldn’t help the snort that almost came out of him. Maybe it was the fact that this entire area—despite smelling like wet dog—smelled like his family, but this was the first time in almost twenty years he’d found anything at all humorous.
“No murder. Got it.”
Jacob cracked half of a smile at that. “That’s the spirit. Now, let’s get you cleaned up. I don’t need you scaring my boys. And yes, you do look terrifying right now.”
He’d forgotten how good it felt to stand underneath a hot spray of water. He didn’t work on his hair for too long—the detangling process would take hours once he truly attempted to tame his mane—but he scrubbed his body entirely of any old dirt, blood, or anything that had caked itself to him recently during his travels.
“That shirt your wearing is actually Emmett’s,” Jacob joked after Jasper stepped out of the bathroom. The pants of Jacob’s he was wearing just barely fit; he’d had to cuff them twice, though. “What’s crazy is he and Blondie were actually stopping by tonight for dinner. Well,” he put up air quotes then, “‘for dinner’ as in, to come and hang out.”
Jasper was surprised. “So they aren’t with everyone else?”
“No, sorry. I forget to count them as part of your crew sometimes. They live somewhere in California. But they visit semi-frequently.” The sound of a car pulling down their long driveway pulled both their attentions toward the front of the house. Jacob looked back at Jasper and grinned. “Speak of the devil and she will appear.”
To say he was unprepared to have to reintroduce himself to two different groups of family members was an absolute understatement. But as he slowly made his way down the stairs he found himself frozen half-way down when the front door flung open and Emmett appeared—shopping bags filled with things—already yelling.
“ROLL CALL! EAGLE ONE IS IN THE HOU—”
If it weren’t a reunion twenty years in the making, Jasper would have laughed audibly at the expression on Emmett’s face. Coupled with the way he completely dropped everything he’d been holding, glass shattering inside of the bags and everything, it was downright comical.
“No fucking way.”
And suddenly Jacob was behind Jasper, poking him in the back and forcing him forward. “This one doesn’t have a code name yet.”
Jasper was prepared for a lot of things. Anger, frustration, coldness, contempt. But what he wasn’t prepared for was for Emmett—hulking, loud, goofball Emmett—to stumble forward the second his feet touched the landing and wrap him in a hug. And when the man started crying, the emotions filling the room like a plug had been yanked, Jasper felt himself choking on emotion, too.
“Jesus Christ, Emmett! Cassie’s bowls were in there! What the hell?”
“Rosie,” Emmett pulled back, voice catching on a sob, “look.”
When Rosalie reached out to grip the doorframe, it crumbled beneath her red-manicured hand. “Jasper,” she gasped. “Where is?” Looking around desperately, she found Jacob’s eyes quickly. “Where is everyone?”
“On the way back from hunting, well. They should be.” He still appeared annoyed. “I called them forever ago.”
“And they aren’t here yet?!”
“I didn’t tell them; I thought I would let it be a surprise!”
“Jacob I would kill you if I wasn’t so happy right now,” she threatened as she approached Jasper and did something she’d never done before in all the years that she’d known him, and embraced him. “God, Jasper. I can’t believe you’re really here.”
“Yeah,” he rasped, arms feeling heavy as he returned the hug. “Me neither.”
“Maria is?”
“Dead,” he spoke, refusing to look any of them in the eye as she pulled back. The second she stepped away Emmett was there again, swooping in and hugging Jasper once more.
“I missed you, bro.”
And fuck, if Emmett kept crying Jasper didn’t know how long his composure would truly last. The fact that he was still standing there, and hadn’t fled due to fear, was already remarkable.
He simply hugged his brother back. “Missed you, too.”
“Oh, Alice is going to lose it. Well, maybe not lose it. In fact, she’ll probably gain back all her sanity now.”
“Emmett,” Rosalie scolded through gritted teeth.
“You want me to lie to him?” Emmett ran a hand over his face, “he’ll feel it the second they’re in range! She’s a crazy little disaster! And not in the fun way, like she used to be.”
“Okay, let’s move it into the den before you destroy any more of my house,” Jacob started shooing them further into the house, leaning forward to pick up the bags Emmett had abandoned. “More room for tears and hugs in there.”
The next few minutes was filled with mainly questions.
If Maria was dead then who killed her? (Jasper had.)
If Maria was dead where we’re her newborns? (Also dead.)
Why didn’t he do that and kill them all years ago? (Couldn’t.)
Well, why the fuck not? (Wouldn’t’ve worked.)
Would it be wise to tell them how his consumption of human blood—the thing that was getting him through his days—made him miserable on most days and suicidal on some? Would they care to know how he almost let himself get killed on a regular basis because at least the pain would stop? Or was the information that he’d prayed they would all forget about him and move on a bit too much for minutes into a reunion?
“I’m… tired,” was all he could say in reply to their last inquiry. And, truthfully, he hadn’t fully been paying attention to their last few questions. All he could focus on was the fact that he could hear footsteps approaching. Multiple pairs, heading straight for them.
He couldn’t help it when he was on his feet immediately, defensively facing the front door. But upon immediately realizing what he’d done he’d shaken his head and sat back on the couch, a sickening combination of embarrassed and anxious. He ignored the look Emmett and Rosalie shared then.
“It’s okay,” and Rosalie was at his side then, hand firmly on his shoulder.
The sound of the door flying open was accompanied by a pair of voices screaming in unison: “UNCLE EMMETT!”
Suddenly, two shirtless boys, no older than ten or eleven, busted into the room, flinging themselves at Emmett’s waiting form.
The large man was laughing, but quickly handed them off to Jacob. “I’ll be up soon,” he promised them as their father pulled their protesting forms from the room.
Edward was the first one in the room, his eyes went straight to Jasper. “Come here.”
Sensing the urgency, Jasper was on his feet in an instant. She can smell me can’t she? And suddenly every fear that had been slowly extinguished since arriving in this giant, log house was back and burning anew. He was so terrified Alice didn’t want to see him.
“Oh no,” Emmett muttered as he followed the two men back toward the door.
Jasper froze in the doorway.
Across the front of the yard, Alice was crumpled in on herself, forehead against the ground, hands over the back of her head, muttering something to herself.
“Alice, Alice dear listen,” Esme was at her right side, hand resting on her back. “It’s real, it is. Look.”
And when Esme lifted her head up and met Jasper’s eyes the only thing he could feel was pure, unbridled love and joy.
But from Alice he could sense something entirely foreign from her.
Her emotions were a whirlwind. Fear and panic overwhelmed her to the point where she couldn’t function.
It wasn’t until Jasper focused when he started being able to make out her words. A mantra. “It’s not real it’s not real it’s not real it’s not real.”
“Alice,” Carlisle’s voice was firm as he tugged at her arm, “listen. Breathe in synch with me now. Inhale, exhale. Focus on what is real then. The ground is real.” Alice shuddered under his touch, “Esme and I are real.”
Does this happen often?
“Not anymore,” Edward started moving toward them and Jasper couldn’t help but follow.
Her voice was shaky when she spoke again, “It’s all real,” she attempted breathing in synch with Carlisle but when she inhaled deeply she cried out. “There’s no way. There’s no way.”
Edward beckoned Jasper forward silently. “Say something.”
But when Jasper opened his mouth to speak, he couldn’t find any words worth speaking.
What could he say? Hi? Sorry? I understand if you want me to leave? What could he possibly say that would fix this? That would reverse the damage he’s done and make up for everything he’s put her through?
Esme backed up slightly as he approached, a hand over her mouth as if to keep her crying subdued; Jasper could feel her emotional dam ready to break at the sight of him. Carlisle released his grip on Alice, too, but didn’t move away. He seemed just as stunned to see Jasper, but his worry was prevalent.
Opening his mouth again, he still couldn’t find his voice.
Instead, he knelt down, carefully reaching out, all while knowing that this could end very badly.
The moment his hand pressed against her back she was exhaling loudly. In seconds she was crawling into his arms and onto his lap, and once she inhaled again, she was crying.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry, Jazz.”
“No, no,” she had nothing to apologize for? Why was she apologizing? “Alice, don’t say that.”
“I would’ve come if I’d known. I had to stop watching. I had to.”
“I know.”
“You were gone and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I am.”
And the suddenly he did something he’d never done before in front of any of his family, Alice included. He cried. He wrapped his arms around her and he held her close and he pressed his nose against her head and inhaled the scent of her and he rocked back and forth with her in his arms and he cried.
“I’m scared that if I look at you you’re going to disappear.” Alice spoke eventually, eyes closed tightly. The rest of the Cullens had left them there, minutes ago.
“I’m not, I’m here. I’m here Alice. I love you.” And with all of his concentration he worked to expel forth as much love as he could, wrapping her in it as he held her.
“I waited for you. I waited so long.”
Jasper pulled back from her, lifting her chin with his hand, forcing her to finally look at him. And when she did, he felt everything inside of him snap back into place. His next breath felt like it was his first one in a very, very long time.
“My apologies, ma’am.”
And when she kissed him, he felt hope.