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Twenty-one years, three months, six days, 12 hours, and thirty-six minutes. That’s precisely how long Gary had been in love with one Mark Owen. It hadn’t been long after they met and started rehearsing together that the lead singer had fallen head over heels with the “cute one” in the band.
Twenty-one years, three months, six days, 12 hours, and thirty-two minutes. That’s how long ago it was that he discovered that it was hopeless. His feelings would never be reciprocated. In a span of four minutes, Robbie Williams had swept in, turned on his charm, and made Mark fall in love with him.
Robbie had never acted on it, though Gary was quite sure the youngest member of the band was acutely aware of the heart eyes Mark had followed him around with. Even after he left the band (or was forced out), Mark had made it a point to seek Robbie out.
It was still the elephant in the room twenty-one years later, after all the healing they’ve gone through. So much so that Robbie had offered to leave the band again. Gary was dumbfounded.
“You only just got back!” They were in Gary’s hotel room in some European city on the final leg of the tour.
“And I can feel your eyes burning into the back of my head every time I go to give him a hug! I’d rather leave now than have you kick me out again, and don’t tell me that wasn’t the reason you were so adamant to have me gone last time!”
Gary shook his head. “I’ve said I’m sorry a million times already. I don’t have a problem with you. You don’t have to leave. I’ll get over it.”
The brunette threw his hands in the air. “Just tell him how you feel, and put us all out of our misery!”
“He’s in love with you.”
“So I’m taking myself out of the picture,” Robbie said simply.
“That didn’t change anything last time.”
“Then make a move. Seduce him. Woo him. Do something other than sulk. Please!”
Gary sighed. “What do you suggest?”
“I don’t know. You’re the king of romance and all that lovey-dovey stuff you write about.”
“I could write him a song!”
Robbie made a face. “Isn’t that a bit cliche in our business?” He grabbed Gary’s hands and pulled him off the bed. “Just march over there and tell him how you feel!”
“If this blows up in my face, I’m definitely kicking you out of the band!”
“I’ve already got one foot out the door!”
Gary made his way across the corridor to Mark’s room. He hesitated and looked back at Robbie who was entering his own room. The younger man gave him a thumbs up for encouragement followed by some other rude gestures. Gary laughed and shook his head at him. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
Mark smiled brightly at him as he opened the door. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr. Barlow?”
Gary looked down and twiddled his thumbs. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Can I come in?”
“Sure.” The smaller man stepped aside and allowed Gary to walk past him into the room.
“See, the thing is, Marky,” he started, “I think I’m in love with someone.”
“Oh?”
“I think I’m in love with you,” he said quickly before his nerves could stop him.
“Oh.” It wasn’t exactly the answer Gary wanted. “Gaz, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but there’s someone else.”
Gary sighed. “I know. I was just hoping… putting myself out there on the off-chance that… I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Mark tucked a curled finger under his chin, and their eyes met. “Anyone would be lucky to be with you. If it weren’t for this other person…” He shrugged. “Who knows?”
Gary smiled sadly at him. “Another time and place, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Gary left the room cursing Robbie in his head for more than one reason.
That night, Gary heard a small tap on his door. He looked through the peephole and saw Mark looking downward and despondent.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked after opening the door.
The smaller man threw his arms around him and started crying. Gary carefully wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist and lightly patted his back.
“I took a page out of your book, and I told him,” Mark said through his tears. “He said he knew this entire time, but he had no interest in me other than as a friend! But that’s not the worst part.”
Gary braced himself. “What?”
“He’s leaving the band again after the tour! He doesn’t even want to be close to me!” He sat down on the bed and sniffled.
Gary took a seat beside him. “Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt you and be around as a constant reminder of your feelings for him.”
Mark bowed his head. “Am I that unlovable that he doesn’t want to be around me?”
“Of course not!” Gary place a hand on his cheek and turned his head so that they were face to face. “You deserve someone who loves you with all his heart.”
Mark pressed against the hand before moving forward and capturing Gary’s lips. Gary felt like his heart could leap out of his chest. He closed his eyes and lost himself in the kiss.
—-
Six months later, Gary was in LA writing for Robbie’s next solo album.
“You know, you used to make fun of my mansion. You’ve got a whole football pitch out there!”
“But I still don’t have a butler,” Robbie pointed out. He was shuffling through some papers, looking for a specific set of lyrics. “Here! Remember that track you sent me last week?” He handed the words to Gary.
“Different,” the blonde read aloud. “Do you have a melody in mind?” He walked over to the piano.
“Yeah.” He took the sheet back from Gary.
Gary nodded at him as he began playing. He stared down at the keys but listened intently to Robbie’s voice as he started singing.
“What do you think?” the brunette asked nervously as Gary’s finger left the last key.
“It’s good, poetic, but it’s so sad.”
“What’s sad about it?”
Gary grabbed the paper from him. “‘If I don’t change, then we both die,’” he quoted. “‘You’d rather be right than be loved.’”
“Well, unlike you, I don’t have a man or woman in my life to write an epic declaration of love to.”
“You’re not going to find anyone holed up in your house watching ‘Housewives of Orange County’ all the time,” Gary reasoned.
“I like that show! And maybe I don’t want to find someone.”
“You haven’t dated anyone in ages.”
“I’m not meant for a relationship,” Robbie said matter-of-factly. He leaned against the piano and crossed his arms.
Gary scoffed. “Are you going to be a bachelor for the rest of your life?”
“Can you just leave it?” Robbie asked exasperated.
“I just don’t understand…” Gary looked at him with caring eyes.
“Look, Gaz, the last time I was in love, she ended up having an abortion without consulting me and then went and had a baby with someone who I thought was my friend. I’m sorry if I’m a little put off by relationships.”
Gary’s face dropped. “God, Rob, I didn’t think of it like that. I’m sorry.” He tried to offer more words but was speechless. He put a hand on top of Robbie’s and squeezed.
Robbie closed his eyes. “I know it’s been almost fifteen years, but it still hurts, you know? The scars she left…” He trailed off. “Anyways, let’s talk about happier things. How’s your solo album going?”
“I’m nervous. It’s my first one in over a decade, and after how terribly that last one went down…”
“You’ll be fine, Captain.” The smile that he gave Gary was so assuring that it temporarily made the blonde believe that everything would be alright. “How are you and Marky?”
“We’re fine.”
Robbie raised an eyebrow. “Just fine?”
The older man shrugged. “Yeah.”
“Gaz, you waited over twenty years to be with him. It shouldn’t be just ‘fine.’ You should be head over heels, wanting to shout it off rooftops.”
“Says the guy who hasn’t been in a relationship in fifteen years.” Gary knew it was a low blow.
Robbie winced at the comment but brushed it off. “So what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. We’re… comfortable.” The younger man stared at him, arms still crossed. “You know how when you’re on a rollercoaster, and all the excitement is in the anticipation of going up?”
“Then you come down, and it’s over in a minute,” Robbie finished for him.
Gary looked down sadly. “Yeah. Don’t get me wrong; I love Mark. It just feels like there’s something missing.”
“Did you tell him you were coming here?”
“No,” Gary admitted sheepishly. “Part of me thinks he might still be in love with you.”
“You know I’d never…”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks.” Gary bit his lip in thought. “Why did you never? In the past, I mean. I was terrible to you. You could have easily hurt me by sleeping with Mark.”
Robbie shrugged. “Mark’s one of my best mates. I couldn’t lead him on like that, even as much as you pissed me off.”
Gary stared at him in wonder. This couldn’t be the same selfish pop star the world knew.
Robbie shifted his eyes around uncomfortably. “What?”
Gary’s eyes softened. “Nothing.”
—
“My mum’s busy. I didn’t know who else to call.” Robbie sounded worried on the phone.
Gary unwrapped himself from Mark’s arms and walked into another room. “Calm down. What do you need?”
“How long do I microwave a chicken for?”
Gary ran a hand down his face in exasperation. “I’m sorry, what?”
“How long do I microwave a chicken for?” Robbie repeated.
“Like a whole chicken? What are you doing cooking for yourself? Who in their right mind let you into the kitchen?”
“It’s my flat! I own that kitchen!” Robbie tried his best to sound offended. “And I’m not trying to burn it down. That’s why I’m using the microwave instead of the stove.”
Gary didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “I’ll be over in ten minutes. Don’t… don’t touch anything in the kitchen until I get there.” He popped his head back into the other room. “I’ve just got to help a mate out with this thing. I won’t be long.”
Mark nodded but didn’t take his eyes off the TV. “Do you want me to record this for later?”
“No thanks, love.”
“You make a good head judge.” Mark pointed at the screen where Gary and his fellow X-Factor judges were being interviewed.
Gary smiled proudly. “Thanks. I’ll be back!”
He rushed over to Robbie’s flat, hoping not to see any fire engines in front. He took it as a good sign that the street was quiet. Robbie was texting on his phone when he let himself in.
“I hope I didn’t ruin your evening.”
“No, Mark and I were just watching telly, making small talk.”
“Sounds cozy.”
Gary nodded. “It is.” He started opening and closing the cupboards, looking for ingredients.
“Did you eat already?”
“Yeah, I made us frittatas.” He started sprinkling salt and pepper on the chicken breast.
“Sounds good.”
“It was. I can bring you some leftovers tomorrow.” He heated up the pan and oiled it.
Robbie peered over his shoulder. “Can you show me what you’re doing?”
“I’m heating up the oil in the pan. I’ve put salt, pepper, and paprika on the chicken. We’re going to sear it on each side for about three to five minutes.” Gary paused. “Don’t you usually have a team of people doing this for you?”
“Jonny and Nikki are in town. We were going to go out together, but they decided they needed some alone time. I’d have already let everyone have the night off by then.”
“I can stay if you want some company,” the older man offered.
“Nah, I’ve kept you from Marky long enough. I’m just going to watch my favorite judge on X-Factor.”
Gary grinned. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, Louis’s great!”
The blonde rolled his eyes. “Bloody muppet, he is. And just remember which judge is cooking you dinner tonight!”
“Don’t worry, Gaz. You’re one of my top four favorite judges.”
“There are only four judges!” Robbie giggled and ran as Gary tried to smack him on the butt with a tea towel. “I swear your only purpose in life is to wind me up!” They continued to chase each other around the kitchen until Gary smelled the scent of the chicken burning. “Shit!” He quickly pulled the pan off the heat.
Robbie let out a laugh. “And you were afraid of me burning the place down!”
“This wouldn’t have happened if you would just acknowledge how amazing I am!” Gary started scraping the burnt bits off. “How do you like blackened chicken?” he joked.
“It’s better than I could’ve done. And you are amazing, Captain.” The hug Robbie gave him from behind took Gary by surprise but wasn’t unwelcome. Robbie reached around and picked a piece of chicken to pop into his mouth. “Definitely better than I could have done, even burnt.”
Gary smiled as he placed the salvaged poultry on top of a plate of greens and drizzled a vinaigrette on top. “Bon appetit!” He passed the plate to his friend and sat with him at the kitchen table. “We’re filming in LA in a couple of weeks.”
Through Robbie’s mouthful of salad and chicken, he mumbled, “I fly back there next week.”
Gary brushed away the piece of lettuce that had come flying in his direction. “Good, because I’ve been meaning to ask you, how would you like to be my guest judge?”
Robbie’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Really.”
“You are now my favorite judge!”
—-
Gary popped his head in the refrigerator the next day. “Do you want eggs or porridge for breakfast?” he asked over his shoulder.
“Porridge. We had eggs with that frittata last night,” Mark answered as he started the kettle.
“Oh, right!” Gary was reminded of the leftovers he had promised Robbie. “I’ve got to make a stop today.”
“That’s fine. I was thinking about writing in my studio today. I’m going stir-crazy just sitting around all day.” He handed Gary a cup of coffee.
“Thanks.” He leaned in and gave Mark a peck on the lips. “You need to find yourself a project while we’re on hiatus. I’ve got X-Factor. Dougie’s got his cars and DJing. Jay’s got his… stuff. I can help you with the writing if you’d like.”
“No,” Mark replied a little too quickly. “I want to do this on my own.”
“There’s nothing wrong with getting a little help.”
“I just don’t want it to sound like another Take That album.”
“It doesn’t have to. The stuff that Rob and I’ve been working on…” Gary bit his lip.
“You’ve been working with Rob?” Mark asked quietly.
“Yeah, last month when I was in LA recording my own stuff,” Gary admitted. “We toyed with the idea of making an album together.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He could hear the hurt in Mark’s voice.
“Just… how you two left things, I didn’t know how you’d feel about it.” Mark’s eyes darkened, but he remained silent. “How do you feel about it?”
“Fine,” he replied. He sounded everything but fine.
Gary decided to lay it all out. “Good, because I asked him to join me on X-Factor in a few weeks.”
Mark’s lip trembled, but he held his composure. “That’s good. He loves the show. You know, I’m not really hungry for breakfast. I think I’ll just head into the studio.”
“Mark…”
“You know, I’m your boyfriend. You’d think I’d be the first one you’d ask on your show!”
“I’m sorry. Do you want to—”
“No! I don’t want to be your second choice!”
“Well, now you know how it feels!” Gary snapped.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve spent my entire adult life being second to Rob! In your eyes and the public’s!” Mark opened his mouth to speak, but Gary continued in a calmer tone. “He and I are finally in a place where we can be friends. As much as I love you, I’m not going to jeopardize that to spare your feelings.”
Mark glared at him and then stomped off. Gary sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. After contemplating whether or not to chase after Mark, he grabbed the container of leftovers from the fridge and left the house.
He let himself into Robbie’s house again, thinking how reckless the pop star was to leave his door unlocked all the time, but that was Rob — reckless, spontaneous, and unapologetic. He heard movement in the kitchen and followed the noise.
Gary stopped in his tracks when he reached the kitchen. Right where he had prepared dinner the night before, Robbie was standing against the counter with his eyes closed. His hands were wrapped in fistfuls of blond hair from the head that was currently pleasuring him orally. Gary watched as the other man stood and turned Robbie around to bend him over the counter. Robbie whimpered as the blonde entered him. Gary was sure he’d never heard that noise come out of Robbie.
Gary quietly laid the container of leftovers down and backed away but not before hearing Robbie gasp out a name.
“Jonny…”
Later, when Gary was sitting at his piano trying to write an apology song to Mark, he received a call from Robbie.
“This frittata is amazing! Either that, or I’m famished.” Gary could hear him chewing through the phone.
“Well, you looked like you were working up an appetite.”
Robbie chuckled. “You saw that, did you? We were just having a bit of fun.”
“He’s married.”
“Yeah, and at the wedding, the vicar said, ‘Do you take Jonny and Robbie…’ She knew what she was getting into.”
Gary was shocked. “You mean she actually knows about you two?”
“More or less, yeah. Whenever they row, she knows who he goes to to let out his frustrations.”
Robbie was speaking about it so nonchalantly like it was the most normal thing to shag one’s best mate.
“You’re unbelievable!” Gary was shaking his head even though no one could see him.
“So I’ve been told!” Robbie replied cheekily.
Gary heard the front door open and shut. “I’ve got to go. I think Mark’s back.” He ended the call and made his way downstairs.
“Hi,” Mark said timidly.
“Hi.”
“I’m sorry,” they both said at the same time. They both paused and then laughed.
“I shouldn’t have kept my time with Robbie a secret from you,” Gary ventured.
Mark held a hand up. “You were afraid of how I’d handle it, and as I showed earlier, you were right to be afraid. There’s just something about Rob…”
“I know.” Gary knew all too well after the events of the day.
“But I’m with you, and I’m 100% committed to you.”
Gary smiled. “I love you.”
Mark smiled but didn’t respond. Instead, he took Gary’s hand and led him upstairs. As they made love, Gary tried his best to elicit the same whimper from Mark that he had heard earlier from a different bandmate. The sound had reverberated in his ears all day and haunted him. As he came, his mind flashed to a pair of tattooed hands sunken into blond hair, hair that was all too much like his own.
—-
Gary did his best to avoid Robbie until filming in LA began. He still felt awkward about walking in on him and Jonny and even more awkward about continually replaying it in his head. He just hoped it wouldn’t show in front of the cameras.
He hadn’t needed to worry. The moment Robbie appeared dressed in nothing but flesh-colored underwear and palm leaves, all the awkwardness disappeared. He had never laughed so hard, and he was still laughing about it that evening after everyone else had left.
“I still can’t believe you did that!”
“It was actually quite comfortable. Very breezy in this heat.”
“I’m sure.”
“I’m thinking about putting it back on.”
“Please don’t.” Gary grabbed at his chest. “I don’t think my lungs can handle anymore laughter.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Gary paused. “Oh god, please don’t.”
It was too late. Robbie pounced on top of the blonde and began tickling him relentlessly. The older man struggled as he giggled but wrestled his way on top and pinned Robbie’s arms to his sides. He saw the mirth in the younger man’s eyes darken into something else, something he couldn’t quite place, but the possibility of finding out excited him. Gary leaned closer, but his head snapped back up at the sound of the door opening.
“Gary? Robbie?”
Gary’s jaw dropped. “Mum?” He quickly scrambled off of Robbie and greeted his mother with a hug. “What are you doing here?”
“Robbie invited me. He paid for the flight and everything.”
The man on the floor grinned up at the both of them. “My mum always says how exhausting it is to be my mum. I figured yours could use a holiday as well.”
Gary held onto his mother tightly, quite happy to have a buffer between him and the man with the cheeky grin on the floor.
If anything, having Mrs. Barlow around allowed them to be kids again. They giggled together at the piano as Robbie would write down one set of lines, and Gary would cross them out, claiming they were too rude. She would have to remind them to eat, shower, and occasionally walk outside for fresh air. She observed as her son’s eyes lit up when they finally agreed on a set of lyrics.
“Sweetheart, it’s Mark on your mobile.”
Gary looked up from the laptop he was sharing with Robbie on the couch. He slid the computer fully over to Robbie and got up to take the phone from his mother.
“Hey, Marky.”
“How are things going over there?”
“Good. We finished filming yesterday. Rob and I have just been pissing about, writing a little, being entirely too lazy.”
His mum gave him a stern look for his language.
“When do you get back?”
“Mum and I fly back on Friday. It’ll be Saturday morning before we arrive at Heathrow.”
“Your mum’s there?” He could hear the surprise and what sounded like relief in Mark’s voice.
“Yeah, Rob flew her over. It’s been great.” He threw an arm around his mum and hugged her from the side.
“He’s thoughtful like that,” Mark commented whimsically.
“Yeah, he is,” Gary agreed, glancing over at the man on the couch. His eyes were glued to the screen. They had been watching an old clip from the Circus Tour that he had pulled up. Knowing Robbie though, his stream of consciousness could have taken him anywhere — from the Circus Tour to an actual circus to tightrope walking to rope tying. “I’ll call you later. Love you.”
Gary walked back over to the couch. Robbie was singing along to “Circle of Life.” Gary lifted an eyebrow questioningly. Robbie paused the music and grinned up at him. “I was watching the tour clip, but then I clicked on this clip of ‘Dumbo’ and then one of ‘The Lion King.’”
Gary shook his head and joined him back on the couch. He pressed a key on the laptop and started singing along with Robbie. His mum watched them quietly and smiled.
—
Gary spent the next month in a perfect state of bliss. He spent his days on the show and writing music and his nights wrapped around his boyfriend. He was perfectly happy, and he told Howard and Jason as much when they met for breakfast.
“Everything’s been going great. I couldn’t ask for more.”
“We’re happy for you,” Howard said. Gary’s phone buzzed, and his face lit up as he read the message. He grinned goofily as he typed a reply. “Aw, look how smitten he is with Marky.”
Gary put the phone down. “Oh sorry. That was Rob. I sent him some music last night, and he sent back some revisions with a dirty drawing.”
“How does Mark feel about you and Rob?” Jason asked.
“What about me and Rob? We’re mates. He and Mark are too.” The phone buzzed again, and Gary giggled out loud. His two band mates eyed him curiously. “Sorry. I’ll put it away. He’s going to bed soon in LA anyways.”
“You know, it does sound like the perfect relationship — you, Mark, and Robbie,” Howard quipped.
“What’re you on about? Rob’s our mate, a friend.”
“Well, to the casual observer,” Jason started, “it seems as though you get your fun and follies from one man and your sexual satisfaction from another.”
“Put them together, and you have the perfect boyfriend,” Howard added.
“Mark and I have fun together,” Gary defended.
Howard looked around. “Where is he now? For someone you want to share your life with, you two don’t share much time together.”
“Well neither do Rob and I.” As if on cue, the phone buzzed again.
“He’s on a different continent, and you two seem to have more contact than you and Mark.”
“That’s just not true, Jay. Mark and I were just together last night.”
“Sex and sleep don’t make a relationship.”
“It’s complicated.”
“Obviously.”
Gary was starting to regret inviting them over for coffee. “I’m not in love with Rob.”
“Who said you were? Besides, I hear he’s seeing someone,” Howard said.
Gary’s face dropped. “What?”
“Some actress in LA. They’ve been dating for a few weeks. Sounds serious.”
Gary shook his head. “He would have told me about it.”
“Because of the little contact you claim to have?” Jason questioned.
Gary grabbed his laptop and started searching the gossip columns. “Ayda Field.” He frowned at the picture of her holding hands with Robbie. “Why didn’t he tell me?” he asked aloud, deflated.
“Don’t be jealous,” Howard teased. “She’s from LA. I’m sure she’s used to open relationships.”
Gary crossed his arms and pouted. “It’s not like that.” He wasn’t quite sure if he was referring to Robbie’s relationship to Ayda or himself.
—
Gary came home one night to see Mark sitting in his kitchen. He was talking to someone quietly. The person was obscured by the doorframe, but from the look of genuine concern on Mark’s face, Gary could tell it was a close friend.
He walked into the kitchen and was surprised to see Robbie with his head in his hands. He quickly knelt down beside his friend and put a comforting hand on his back.
“Rob, mate, what’s wrong?”
“I broke up with her.” He looked up, and Gary could tell he had been crying. “I felt myself getting close to her, and I got scared. So I broke up with her. What’s wrong with me?” he asked, lips trembling.
“Shh, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly normal to be scared. You just weren’t ready yet, but you’ll get there.” He turned to Mark. “Can you get the guest room ready?”
Mark nodded and left the room.
“Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
“It didn’t seem serious,” Robbie replied, “until it was, and I freaked out.”
“It’ll be okay. One day you’ll find someone who will make you forget about all your fears.” Robbie laid his head against Gary, and they stayed in that position until Mark came back in. “Why don’t you get some rest tonight? We’ll talk about it in the morning.”
Robbie untangled himself from Gary and slumped upstairs. Mark stared at Gary but didn’t say a word.
“Why don’t we call it a night too?” the older man suggested.
“Yeah.” Mark turned and walked back upstairs.
The next morning, Gary awoke to an empty house. Both Mark and Robbie had vacated the house at some point during the night. Gary had checked every room before dialing Robbie’s number, which went straight to voicemail. Worried, he drove over to his friend’s flat. He found him in the garden, staring out in the distance.
“Rob?”
Robbie turned to him, his face full of remorse. “I’m so sorry, Gaz! It wasn’t my fault!”
“Then why are you apologizing?” Gary sat next to his friend.
“Because I shouldn’t have let it happen. I shouldn’t have just shown up at yours yesterday.”
Gary patted his hand. “You needed to be with friends. It’ll be okay. We’ll get past this.”
“Really?” Robbie seemed surprised. “Even after what happened?”
“You were scared. It was your first step into opening yourself up again.”
“What are you talking about?”
Gary’s brows furrowed. “Ayda. What are you talking about?”
“Mark. He made a pass at me last night.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“He did. After you had gone to bed, he came into my room and tried to kiss me.”
Gary shook his head. “You’re lying.”
“Why would I be lying about this?”
“I don’t know! You’re jealous of our relationship because you’re too scared to have one of your own, so you’re trying to sabotage mine!” Gary was getting angry now.
“I would never do that to you.”
“Oh no? You spent the latter part of the 90s trying to destroy my life!” Gary spat.
“We’re past that now,” Robbie pleaded.
“Are we?”
“Gaz…”
Gary stood up. “I came here because I was worried about you! I should have been more worried about myself!” He stomped off, leaving Robbie hugging himself and holding back tears.
Gary returned to Robbie’s later that night, banging on his door. “Open up, Rob. I know you’re in there.”
Robbie opened the door cautiously. Gary pushed his way in. Robbie could smell the alcohol on his breath. Gary slumped against the wall and crossed his arms. Robbie stood there awkwardly, waiting for him to speak.
“We broke up.”
“Gaz, I’m—”
Gary continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “I went over to Mark’s after I left here and confronted him. You know what he said to me? He said I was jealous!”
“Well, he was your boyfriend.”
The blonde shook his head. “Not of you. He said I was jealous of him, that he had the guts to kiss you, to admit what he really wanted.”
Robbie didn’t know what to say. All he could see was the anger in his friend’s face, and he was afraid of exacerbating the situation by opening his mouth. He didn’t have to worry about speaking because suddenly Gary grabbed him by the shirt and flipped them so that Robbie was now against the wall. A pair of lips came crashing against his own.
“Gaz…” He tried to push the other man off of him, but he was deceptively solid for such a small frame. “Gary…”
The lips found their way back along with a pair of hands on his chest holding him firmly in place. Robbie couldn’t help but moan this time. The kiss, although surprising, was not unwelcome. He dropped his defensive arms down and held onto the other man’s hips.
When they broke away for breath, Robbie offered him a way out. “We shouldn’t. You’re drunk. You and Mark…”
“Are done,” Gary finished for him. “I want to know what their infatuation is all about.” He slowly undid Robbie’s jeans. “Mark, Jonny, what keeps them coming back?”
Robbie felt a hand turn him around and bend him over, his forearms resting against the wall. Rough hands pulled his jeans and briefs down past his hips. He could still hear the anger in Gary’s voice, and part of him was afraid of what was about to happen. The other part was afraid of Gary coming to his senses and stopping. He heard the unmistakable sound of a condom wrapper tearing and felt cold lube being pressed against his entrance.
Gary leaned down and whispered in his ear, suddenly sober and unsure of himself. “Do you want me to stop?”
Robbie swallowed nervously and shook his head.
“Good. I don’t think I could stop myself now,” he admitted before pushing in.
The sound Robbie made was better than anything he could have produced in a studio. The younger man threw his head back and let out something between a sigh and a whimper. He continued pounding into his friend, needing to hear Robbie’s want and desire, until they both reached their respective climaxes. Gary came first and continued to stroke Robbie until he released himself on Gary’s hand and the wall.
Robbie slowly turned around after Gary pulled out, expecting to see the look of regret in his friend’s face. Instead, Gary pressed another kiss on his lips.
“Fuck, that was good,” the blonde whispered against his mouth. Robbie could only nod in agreement. “Come on, I’m not done with you yet,” he said, leading Robbie up the stairs.
Robbie awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee and eggs. He turned, and his body quickly reminded him of the previous night’s events. Gary had taken him again in the shower and once more in the middle of the night.
“Oh fuck,” he groaned.
He heard a familiar laugh beside him. “You mean you didn’t get enough last night?”
Robbie rolled over. “Hey,” he said awkwardly.
Gary smiled at him. “Hey,” he greeted back. “I made breakfast.” He pointed at the plate and mug on the nightstand.
Robbie raised an eyebrow. “You brought me breakfast in bed? What am I, your Valentine?”
Gary chuckled and lowered his voice. “No, I just didn’t think you’d be able to walk after last night.”
Robbie blinked. Gary Barlow did not just purr suggestively at him. He was certain he was still asleep and dreaming.
“Erm, thanks.” Robbie sat up and winced. “You’re probably right.”
Gary laughed and leaned over to kiss him. It felt natural and terrifying at the same time. Gary played with the edge of the covers. “I should get going. I’ve got some things to go over for the show. We should talk about this though. Tonight maybe?”
Robbie shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”
Robbie opened his door later that night to a face full of flowers. He immediately shut the door in Gary’s face.
“Rob!”
He relented and opened the door again but marched off into the kitchen without a greeting. Gary followed him.
“No flowers!”
“You love flowers!”
“That’s not the point,” Robbie said, taking the bouquet and setting it in his sink. “The point is that I don’t need or want you to buy me flowers. I can buy my own fucking flowers. Well, Josie can anyways.”
“Sorry,” Gary apologized sheepishly. “I’ve never done this kind of thing before.”
“You’ve never had revenge sex?”
Gary grimaced. “I don’t like calling it that.”
“Rebound sex, then.”
The blonde shook his head. “I’ve always focused all that hurt and pain into my music. But this felt different, this whole thing with you and Mark.”
Robbie walked over to a drawer and pulled out a pen and a pad. He slapped them into Gary’s hands and waited.
Gary sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. “I don’t know what to write. I feel so blank right now.” He tapped the pen against the pad in thought.
“Let’s start with, ‘What’s love like in the present tense?’” Robbie suggested. “It’s a line I’ve been playing around with in my head.”
Gary’s eyes lit up. “I like it.” He scribbled on the pad. “‘Do you ever look back at how we were then?’”
Robbie took a seat beside him. “‘So what’s love like sitting on the fence?’”
Gary bounced up excitedly. “Where’s your keyboard? I think I have a melody.” He dragged the other man up with him and led him by the hand to Robbie’s home studio.
They spent the night writing and giggling.
“We can’t use ‘he always comes last’ in that context!”
“Why not?” Robbie questioned. “I’ve written dirtier things in my songs.”
“This isn’t one of your songs. It’s supposed to be therapeutic for me, so I don’t end up shagging your brains out again.”
Robbie tapped the side of his head. “I think you left some brains in there.”
“Lord knows how. There wasn’t much in there to start with,” the older man teased. He dodged the pillow that came flying at his head. He rolled his stool over to Robbie and playfully tugged at his ear, peering inside. “What do you know? I did leave some in there. I’ll have to try harder next time.”
They both froze at the comment.
“I didn’t, uh…” Gary stopped at the sight of Robbie licking his lips. In one swift motion, the blonde closed the gap between them and pressed the lips against his own. He pushed the other man back against the couch and crawled on top of him, grinding their growing erections together. He pulled back enough to allow them both to undress before straddling the younger man. He ground his arse back and felt Robbie’s hands grip his hips tightly.
“Fuck, Gaz…”
Gary rode him until he came across his chest and continued until Robbie reached his climax inside him. He collapsed on top of the tattooed chest and started giggling uncontrollably.
“That’s not the reaction I usually get after amazing sex,” Robbie commented.
Gary rested his chin on Robbie’s chest and caught his breath. “Sorry, I was just thinking back to that ‘always comes last’ line!”
Robbie burst out in laughter as well. They continued making rude jokes and snorting with laughter until they both fell asleep, Gary tucked in Robbie’s arms.
—
Gary awoke in Robbie’s bed with the pop star snoring lightly by his side. Sometime in the middle of the night, one of them had woken up from the couch and dragged the other to an actual bed. Gary wasn’t sure who it was, but his back was grateful for it.
In his sleep, without the ever-present cheeky grin, Robbie looked almost innocent, vulnerable. Gary reached out a hand that just stopped short of caressing the younger man’s cheek. Suddenly, he felt a lurch in his stomach as a realization dawned upon him. Grabbing his phone, he raced downstairs and locked himself in the bathroom. He dialed a number and waited impatiently for it to ring.
“Pick up. Please pick up.”
“Hello?”
“Mum!”
“Gary! Why are you phoning so early? Is everything alright, love?” she asked worriedly.
“I’m fine,” he started but changed his mind. “No, I’m not. I think I’m in love!”
“You’ve been in love with Mark for years!” Marjorie commented, concerned about the distress in his voice.
“No, not Mark. He and I broke up. I think I’m in love with someone else, someone I shouldn’t be in love with.”
“Robbie,” she said knowingly.
“How… how did you know?”
“Let’s call it maternal instincts.”
“So what do I do? He’s not ready for a relationship, and I only just broke up with Mark.” Gary bit his lip. “But he makes me feel like a teenager again, like I’m alive for the first time in years!”
“Be patient, dear. It’ll all work itself out. And be patient with him. Just be present, but don’t push anything.”
Gary buried his face in the palm of his hand. “Am I absolutely mental for falling for Robbie Williams?”
“We can’t help who we love.”
Gary groaned. “Why can’t love be easy? Why couldn’t I just be happy with Mark?”
“Because you love it when Robbie challenges you. Like it or not, he pushes you a better version of you.”
“Is that more of your maternal instincts telling you that?”
“No, dear. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. And it makes me so happy that you’ve found your—”
“Mum, if you say ‘soulmate,’ I may vomit.”
“Let’s call him your muse then.” He could hear the smile in her voice.
Gary sighed. “Why does my muse have to be a 38 year-old man-child covered in tattoos and no brain-to-mouth filter?”
“He does have those lovely green eyes.”
“That he does,” he agreed. “I’m in trouble.”
Gary returned upstairs and picked up the discarded lyric sheet from the floor of the studio. He softly sang the tune as he walked back to the bedroom. He stopped at the door, scowling.
“Wait, when did you add in ‘through and through heterosexual?’”
—
They spent the next night together as well. They didn’t discuss it. Gary had just shown up at his door with a bag of Chinese takeaway and a suggestive smirk. They sat and ate together, occasionally letting a stray hand wander.
Gary picked up a fortune cookie and broke into it. “A pleasant surprise is waiting for you.”
“In bed,” Robbie added. Gary raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never played that game? You add ‘in bed’ to the end of any fortune.” He opened his and read aloud. “Failure is the chance to do better next time… in bed.”
Gary giggled. “I wouldn’t say we’ve had any failures in bed, but I’m always willing to try better next time.”
“Isn’t it, ‘Do or do not; there is no try?’”
Gary’s eyes shined. “You’re quoting Star Wars!” He pulled the other man up and wrapped his arms around him. “I didn’t think you could get any sexier.” He dragged Robbie up the stairs.
Afterwards, Robbie, still panting from his orgasm, exclaimed, “Christ, if you keep fucking me like that, I’ll learn the entire script!”
Gary awoke the next morning alone in Robbie’s bed. He could hear voices downstairs and followed them down the steps. He stopped midway when he heard the sound of Mark yelling.
“He’s fucking you to get back at me!”
“Don’t you think I know that?” came Robbie’s reply. Gary flinched at the remark.
“Then why are you letting him?” Mark’s voice sounded strained.
“Because…” Robbie went quiet. “He’s Gaz. It’s complicated.”
“Do you think that letting him use you will atone for all the shit you two put each other through in the 90s?”
Gary clenched his fists.
Mark’s voice softened. “Don’t let him do this to you. To us.” Then there was silence.
Gary stormed down the stairs to find Mark standing on his tiptoes, pressing his lips against the brunette.
“Get your bloody hands off of him!”
Robbie immediately pushed the smaller man away from him. “Gaz, I’m sorry!”
Gary positioned himself between the two, his back to Robbie and his eyes staring Mark down. “I need a minute alone with Mark.”
“Gaz, it wasn’t—”
“Rob, go upstairs,” Gary ordered. Robbie looked from one man to the other and decided to leave the room obediently.
“Captain Barlow always gets his way,” Mark spat.
“When have I ever gotten my way? If I had my way, you and I would have lived happily ever after instead of us fighting over the same bloke!”
“Are you telling me you have actual feelings for him?” Mark asked in disbelief.
Gary took a step closer to him and lowered his voice. “I’m telling you to keep your hands off Rob. If you don’t want me, that’s fine. I’ve found someone who does.”
“It just so happens it’s the same man I fancy.”
Gary shrugged. “Maybe that was our problem. We’re too alike.”
“You two are going to end up hating each other again.”
“Or we could be the best thing that’s ever happened to each other. But you need to leave, and let us figure that out for ourselves.”
Mark scowled at him but left nonetheless.
—
Gary followed Robbie up the stairs, needing to make sure nothing had changed between them. He found his lover in the shower, humming absently to himself.
“Rob?”
“Yeah?”
“You alright? Are we okay?”
There was a pause.
“Yeah.”
It didn’t sound reassuring, so Gary stripped off his clothes and pulled at the glass door. He took the loofah out of Robbie’s hands. “Let me.”
Gary ran the soapy sponge up one arm and down the other before drawing circles on the taller man’s tattooed chest. “You’re beautiful,” he breathed out. He looked up to see sad green eyes shining down at him. The blonde’s hands slowly made their way downward.
To his surprise, Robbie pushed him back slightly. “Gaz, I’m not in the mood.”
Gary shook his head. “You’re always in the mood!”
“Mark…”
“I don’t want to talk about Mark.” He kissed the French phrase on Robbie’s chest. “I want to talk about these swallow tattoos.” Gary lowered himself to his knees and kissed the birds on either side of Rob’s stomach. He heard Robbie’s breathing quicken above him. “Swallowing. Is that a suggestion or a preference?” He took the tip of the brunette’s cock in his mouth and was rewarded with an appreciative gasp. He could feel Robbie harden between his lips. “So much for not being in the mood,” he muttered against Robbie’s erection before taking him all the way in to the back of his throat. From his periphery, Gary could see hands clambering against the tiles, searching for something to hang onto. They found themselves in fistfuls of the blonde’s hair.
“Gaz…” Robbie couldn’t help but push short thrusts into Gary’s awaiting mouth. Gary pressed a hand against his hip to steady him while the other ran up and down his tense thigh. He could feel the other man getting close as he sucked and licked and teased the man above him with a light graze of teeth.
Gary reached down and tugged at his own neglected member. He looked up and watched the water cascade down Robbie’s face and onto his chest. His head was tilted back against the wall of the shower, eyes closed, lips repeating Gary’s name and a string of expletives. The sight alone was enough to bring Gary close to the edge. This was the fire, the passion, that was missing from his relationship with Mark and frankly everyone else he had dated in the past.
“Gaz, I’m—-” It was the only warning Gary got before Robbie came violently against the back of his throat. Gary swallowed what he could, letting the water wash away the rest. “Fuck!”
Robbie slid down until he was sitting on the shower floor, his legs on either side of Gary. He watched with lust-filled eyes as Gary continued to pump himself. Gary came when Robbie poked his tongue out to lick his lips. The cum that landed on Robbie’s stomach quickly washed away, much to Gary’s disappointment; he had been mesmerized by the patterns it had made on the swallows.
“Let’s go back to bed.” Gary stood and held out a hand to the other man.
Robbie took the proffered hand and let himself be led out of the shower. Gary dried them both off with a towel, taking extra time and care around Robbie’s lower regions. It would have felt loving to Robbie if Mark’s words weren’t still ringing in his head.
He laid back down in bed while Gary wrapped himself around him from behind. He felt small kisses along his shoulder as he closed his eyes and fell back into a restless sleep.
Robbie awoke to the sound of his phone buzzing. He threw an arm out and groped around for it but only felt Gary’s solid form beneath his fingers.
“Here.” Gary handed him the phone.
Robbie glanced at the caller ID and answered. “Hello?” he mumbled sleepily. “Jonny, slow down… Yeah, you can come over… No, not a problem.”
Gary frowned. The image of Jonny and Robbie together had been burned into his memory. He drew himself closer to Robbie possessively and tried to listen in on the call. From what he could gather, Jonny and Nikki had another fight, and Robbie’s best mate was currently on his way to the flat in need of comfort. Gary balled his hands into fists, knuckles whitening.
“Gaz, did you hear me?” Robbie’s voice brought him back into the moment.
“Huh?”
“We need to get dressed. Jonny’s on his way over. You probably need to get going anyways.”
“No I don’t.” It was a lie. He was already going to be late for his first meeting of the day.
“You wouldn’t want to be here when he’s in one of his moods anyways.” Robbie was already out of bed and putting on his clothes. Gary didn’t particularly like how low his shorts hung on his hips. His mind flashed back to that day he saw the two friends in the kitchen together.
“I don’t want you sleeping with him,” he blurted out, “or anyone else for that matter.”
Robbie looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Gary stared at him intently, daring him to defy his wishes.
The brunette stepped closer. “We’re not dating. I’m not your boyfriend. What does it matter to you who I sleep with?”
“What if we changed that?” Gary ventured.
Robbie scoffed. “I’m not boyfriend material.” He turned back around and continued getting dressed. “But if it makes you feel better, I won’t sleep with him.”
Gary smiled.
—
As Gary went about his day, his mind kept drifting back to Robbie’s words. “I’m not your boyfriend.” Never one to back down from a challenge, he set his sights on a new goal: make Robbie Williams fall in love with him.
Gary went back around to Robbie’s as soon as he received the text that Jonny had left. He quickly stripped them both of their clothes, pinned the younger man down on the bed, and slowly explored his body.
Robbie groaned. “Fuck me!”
Gary ignored his request.
“Gaz…” Gary felt a small thrust against his hip.
“Let’s go out to dinner tonight. Some place nice,” Gary said as he kissed Robbie’s shoulder, running a hand down Robbie’s inner thigh.
Robbie laughed. “Like a date? I told you, we’re not a couple.”
Gary dipped down and sucked on the brunette’s collarbone. The sharp intake of breath let him know he had found a sensitive spot. “Dinner, and I’ll fuck you right now in just the way I know you like.” He ground down against the man below him for emphasis.
Robbie gripped the sheets tightly and moaned. “I’ll bloody cook you dinner if you fuck me now!”
Gary smirked. “Is that a ‘yes?’”
“Yes! Now fuck me!”
Gary didn’t need anymore encouragement. He flipped Robbie over onto his stomach and took hold of his hips.
Afterwards, after they had showered, Gary rummaged through Robbie’s closet, pulled out a few selections, and handed them to the other man.
“I think you should go with the green tie. It’ll bring out your eyes.”
Robbie rolled his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t just want to get some Indian takeaway and watch telly?”
“We had a deal!” Gary leaned in and kissed him. “I’m going to go home and change. I’ll be back to pick you up in an hour. Don’t even think about backing out!”
“Yes, Captain. How the hell did I get myself into this?” He looked down at his crotch. “This is your fault!”
When they arrived at the restaurant, Robbie looked so uncomfortable that Gary was sure he’d bolt out the door at any minute. The blonde stood up soon after they placed their drink orders. He leaned down and whispered into Robbie’s ear. “Meet me in the gents’ toilets in two minutes.”
He looked back as he walked off and smirked when he saw Robbie’s eyes following him.
Gary checked every stall of the toilets to make sure they wouldn’t be disturbed. As soon as Robbie joined him, he locked the door and pushed the pop star into a stall, locking that door as well for good measure.
“You looked uncomfortable out there,” he whispered. “I thought I’d help you relax.” Gary undid Robbie’s trousers and pulled them along with his briefs down past his hips.
The brunette immediately thrusted into Gary’s awaiting hand. “Gaz…”
Gary caught his lips as he gasped. As he worked his tongue into Robbie’s mouth, he undid his own trousers and pressed their erections together. His long fingers wrapped around them both, and he stroked vigorously, knowing that their absence from their table would soon be noticed. Robbie came in his hand first. The younger man stared in wonder and lust as Gary brought his hand up and licked the taste of Robbie off his fingers.
“Why don’t you go back to the table? I’ve got to finish here and get cleaned up.” He gestured down to his still fully erect cock.
“I can help you with that,” Robbie offered.
Gary kissed him. “People will start to wonder where we are soon. Go on. I won’t be long.”
When Gary returned to the table he took a long draw from his glass of water. Robbie’s eyes followed his lips down to his throat as he swallowed.
“Worked up quite a thirst,” Gary said with a wink. He flipped through the menu casually. “I’m famished. The steak looks good. Or maybe the salmon. I’m going to ride you so hard when we get back. Oh, they have roasted asparagus.”
Robbie’s eyes widened. “Yeah, the asparagus looks good,” he squeaked. He quickly hailed the waiter over. “He’ll have the steak and asparagus, and I’ll have the same.”
“Very good. And how would you like that steak cooked?”
“If we order rare, will that get us out of here quicker?”
“Theoretically, yes,” the waiter said, not quite sure how to answer.
“Good. Rare.” He bit his lip hard when he felt Gary’s foot rubbing against his leg. The blonde just smiled innocently at the waiter.
Robbie tried his best to concentrate on something other than the foot making its way up his leg. He jumped around from topic to topic until he reached their mutual love of music. Gary grinned and removed his foot, much to the other man’s relief. Instead, he moved to sit himself next to Robbie. He rummaged in his pocket for a set of earbuds and handed them to his friend.
“Listen to this song I just recorded. It’s still a little rough, but I think it has potential.”
Robbie closed his eyes and focused on Gary’s voice and the music. “This is good, Gaz. I like that line about living life in search of surprise.” As the song crescendoed to the middle eight, Robbie felt a hand moving up his thigh.
“It’s got a good rhythm, doesn’t it?” The hand stroked up and down in time with the song.
Robbie removed the headphones and placed them on the table. “What’re you doing, Gaz?”
“Trying to make a good impression on our first date,” Gary purred in his ear.
“This isn’t a date,” Robbie said firmly.
“That’s a shame. I was planning such a good ending to our date.”
Robbie swallowed at the dryness in his throat. “Oh?”
“It’s probably for the best anyways. I’m getting older. My knees aren’t what they used to be.” Gary’s face was blank, but Robbie could swear he could see a smirk playing at his lips. “If it’s not a date…”
“Alright, it’s a fucking date!” Robbie hissed quietly.
“Oh, good. Because everything we’ve done in bed before is nothing compared to how I treat my dates,” Gary teased before returning to his seat.
Robbie wolfed down his meal and practically dragged Gary out of the restaurant.
Robbie awoke the next morning alone in Gary’s bed. He could hear his friend preparing breakfast downstairs. His eyes drifted up to his green tie still tangled in the headboard, and he smiled as his mind flashed back to the night before, his hands rubbing absently at his wrists.
—
Weeks later, Robbie was playing FIFA with Jonny at his flat.
“Do you fancy going to that Man U match tomorrow?” Jonny asked, his eyes never leaving the screen.
“Yeah, maybe,” Robbie replied, also engrossed in the game. “I’ll have to make sure it’s okay with Gaz first.”
Jonny paused the game and turned to his friend. “I’m sorry, what?”
Robbie glanced at him sideways and shrugged. “He sometimes has dinner plans for us already. I just have to check with him.”
“You’re in a relationship with Gary Barlow?” Jonny asked incredulously.
“No!” Robbie protested. “We shag. We hang out and have a laugh. And sometimes he cooks, or we go out.” The controller fell out of his hands. “Oh my god. I’m in a fucking relationship with Gary Barlow!”
Robbie popped up out of his seat and started pacing the room.
“How the fuck did this happen? That bastard tricked me!”
“It can’t be that bad,” Jonny said bemused. “He’s good in bed, right?”
“Fucking amazing! But that’s not the point! I’m in a relationship!”
“It’s a relationship, not the plague.”
Gary was starting to prepare dinner when his phone buzzed.
“Jonny? ...Oh god. I’ll be right over.”
He quickly grabbed his keys and left, food still on the counter. When he arrived at Robbie’s, the pop star was hunched in a corner, while his friend was talking to him soothingly.
“Thanks for calling me, Jonny. Rob?”
Robbie glared at him.
“Rob,” he tried again.
The brunette snapped. “You fucking bastard! You tricked me! I told you I didn’t want a relationship! I’m not fit to be someone’s boyfriend!”
Gary ventured closer. “You’ve been doing alright. You do tend to steal the covers,” he joked.
“This isn’t funny!”
“Okay, okay.” Gary took a seat beside his boyfriend. “So what’s the problem? The fact that we’re in a relationship or the fact that you were unaware of it?”
“All of it! How could you lead me on like that?”
Gary looked up at Jonny who was trying not to laugh. He looked back at Robbie. “So do you want to break up with me?”
“No! Of course not!” Robbie cuddled close to him.
“Then what do you want?”
“To be angry with you!”
Gary just wrapped his arms around his lover and held him, placing a kiss on the side of his head. A little while later, he finally said, “Mate, you know we’ve been in a relationship for about three months now, right?”
—
Gary lived the next few days in a world of contradictions. Robbie would grumble about betrayal all the while Gary was balls deep in his arse, the younger man keening for it. He’d curse Gary’s name even as he snuggled closer as they fell asleep.
Robbie finally relented when he discovered how romance made Gary Barlow incredibly horny. He once prepared a candlelit dinner for them by plating some takeaway and lighting some candles he had found buried in a drawer. Gary had walked in, seen the effort, bent him over the table, and shagged him until their food was cold.
Another time, he had drawn up a bubble bath for the two. Gary immediately dropped to his knees on the bath mat and sucked him dry.
Gary, for his part, was trying his best to contain himself. More than once he had found himself wanting to utter those three words that he knew would send Robbie running the other way. He knew he had to play it right, let Robbie say it first, but it was killing him to hold it in.
When Robbie had adorably drawn a bath for them, he found those words on the tip of his tongue. He immediately dropped to the floor and kept his tongue and mouth otherwise occupied.
He had written pages upon pages of music declaring his love for the pop star and hid them away. It was his only outlet, and he needed more than anything to get Robbie to verbalize his feelings before he blurted it out randomly.
The time came when he let his frustrations take a hold of him. They had returned to his house after Robbie had performed on X-Factor and had given, not one, but two men lap dances as he sang.
He slammed Robbie against the door as it closed. “You’re mine!” Gary growled in a low voice.
It went straight to Robbie’s groin. He loved a jealous Gary. Moreover, he loved sex with a jealous Gary.
“Do you think you can just straddle Louis like that, and I wouldn’t notice?”
“Well, I couldn’t give you the lap dance. We’d be putting on a different kind of show at that point,” Robbie replied cheekily. “Though I think I might have felt something poking up in Louis’s trousers,” he added to stoke the fire.
Robbie was rewarded with a rough grip on his hips. He thrusted against Gary.
“You do this shit on purpose, don’t you?”
“I love it when you’re jealous.”
There it was. The coveted L-word but in a completely different context. It spurred on Gary’s anger. He led Robbie to the sitting room and fucked him roughly against the couch.
Afterwards, as they laid blissfully sated, they heard a knock at the door.
“I’ll get rid of them,” Gary said with a kiss. “We’ve only just started.”
He readjusted his clothes, most of which they hadn’t bothered to remove in the heat of the moment, and walked to the foyer as another knock came. He opened the door to a sheepish-looking Mark.
“Mark, what’re you doing here?” Gary asked in surprise.
“It’s nice to see you too!”
“Oh, sorry.” He hugged his friend. “I didn’t expect to see you like this after everything that’s happened.”
“No, I wasn’t too happy about all that, was I?” Mark’s fingers played with the doorframe nervously. “I watched the show tonight, and I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You hid it well, but you didn’t look too happy with Rob.”
Gary gave a small laugh. “It was that obvious, huh?”
“Only to the people who know you. I assume things didn’t end well with him either.”
Gary’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“Sleeping with him. I didn’t think it would last.”
Gary felt his anger returning. “Is that because we didn’t last or because of Rob?”
“No, no! You two are just so incompatible. Can you imagine you two in a relationship?” Mark tried to laugh until he realized Gary didn’t find it a bit funny.
“Come with me,” Gary said through gritted teeth.
He led Mark to the sitting room where Robbie was still lying on the couch. Their eyes widened when they saw each other. Robbie scrambled to cover himself with a blanket.
“Jesus, Gaz. Give a lad a warning next time!”
“You two are still seeing each other,” Mark acknowledged softly, still in shock.
Robbie could see the hurt in his eyes. “Gaz, can you make us some tea? I need to talk to Marky.”
“Yeah, sure.” Gary hesitated for a moment before walking off into the kitchen.
Robbie sat up and patted the seat next to him. Mark sat down obediently.
“Why him?” he asked, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “What does he have that I don’t?”
“Marky.” Robbie hugged him close, oblivious to the fact that he was quite bare underneath the blanket. “You’ve always been like a brother to me. It’s all very platonic. With Gaz, there’s fire, passion, even when we hated each other, especially when we hated each other.”
“You’ve never felt any passion for me?”
Robbie frowned. “I’m sorry, no. I wish I did. My love life would have been so much easier.”
Mark pushed himself up and pressed his lips against Robbie’s. He pulled back when he didn’t feel the other man respond. “Sorry, I had to try.”
“I get it.”
“So you and Gaz, huh?” Mark sat back still in Robbie’s arms. He seemed calmer, more accepting of the situation.
“Me and Gaz.”
“Is it serious?”
Robbie threw his head back. “So serious that I’m pissing my pants! I’m scared shitless, Marky. I’m in love with Gary Barlow.”
There was a crash from the other side of the room. Robbie whipped his head back up to see Gary surrounded by three broken mugs. He was staring back at Robbie in wonder, a smile playing at his lips.
Mark untucked himself from Robbie’s embrace. “I should go.” He stopped as he walked by Gary. “Don’t break his heart,” he whispered. “I only want the best for him.”
Gary nodded. “Me too.”
As soon as Mark left, Gary dove on the couch and covered his boyfriend’s face with kisses. Robbie laughed and pushed him off.
“We should clean up those mugs. The tea will stain the carpet.”
Robbie moved to stand up, but Gary pushed him back down. “Sod the carpet.” He straddled the younger man and kissed him deeply. “You love me.”
“Don’t look so smug about it.”
“I love you too.”
Robbie made a face. “We’re not going to have to ‘make love’ from now on, are we?”
Gary laughed. He stood and pulled Robbie up with him. “Come on, we can make love after you’ve thoroughly fucked me into the mattress.”