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Wonwoo woke to a warm body curled around him and a heavy arm thrown over his waist. He shifted, grimacing at the sweat sticking bare skin together. It was uncomfortably hot despite the open bedroom window. The sun shone strong and bright through the blinds.
“Mmm…” Mingyu groaned, burying his nose in the curve of Wonwoo’s neck. “Good morning,” he rasped, sliding his leg between Wonwoo’s own, running the side of his foot up and down Wonwoo’s calf.
“Hi,” Wonwoo said back, timid, recalling with frightening clarity the events that had taken place last night. Mingyu seemed to be taking this shift in their relationship in stride, but Wonwoo hadn’t been this uncertain about where he and Mingyu stood since they were seven years old and he had a hard time believing that someone as popular as Mingyu considered him to be his best friend.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.” He should probably get out of bed. He needed to regroup away from Mingyu’s influence. Even after fifteen years of friendship, Wonwoo still hadn’t learned how to say no to the man. But Mingyu was mouthing hot and wet at his neck, growing hard against his backside with every press of the lips, and it was making it really difficult for him to leave.
“Good. I told you this would be a good idea,” Mingyu murmured. He wasn’t entirely awake yet, voice still thick with sleep.
Wonwoo shivered. Having that voice in his ear was an aphrodisiac, and god help him, he felt a tiny spark of arousal igniting low in his belly in response.
“You were great last night, by the way,” Mingyu said.
“Oh god,” Wonwoo groaned in mortification, burying his face into the pillow. Mingyu had always been generous with his compliments, but this was the one moment in his life he could have done without them. He could feel Mingyu’s lips curl into a smile at the base of his neck.
“What are you acting all shy for now, hm?” Mingyu asked. “You know, I’m kind of surprised. You didn’t strike me as—”
“Can we not talk about what happened last night?” Wonwoo interrupted, face aflame. Ears aflame. Every goddamned inch of him on fire from embarrassment, and further exacerbated by Mingyu’s erection, pressing hot and insistent into his backside.
He had been really fucking embarrassing last night. Hands shaking so hard he couldn’t even undo the button on Mingyu’s jeans. Set off when Mingyu cupped him over his briefs. Needing it so bad he was almost crying with it and cursing up a blue streak.
In his defense, he had been dreaming about this moment with Mingyu ever since he learned what sex was.
Yes, he was well aware of how pathetic he was.
Mingyu laughed, tightening his arm around Wonwoo’s torso. “Fine.” He paused for a moment and then asked, “So. Do you have time for a quickie or…?”
Wonwoo craned his neck to check his bedside clock. “I have to be up in less than five, so no.”
“Hey, five minutes is all I need,” Mingyu said, though he relented his hold when Wonwoo pushed his arm aside.
Wonwoo rolled out of bed, wincing at the dull throbbing in his backside. He rooted through his wardrobe for something to wear, eventually settling for a plain black t-shirt and navy shorts. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed Mingyu studying him.
Mingyu was on his side, propped up on an elbow. The sheets pooled at his waist, scantily covering his crotch. Wonwoo’s eyes immediately went to Mingyu’s muscled chest. Jesus, when had Mingyu started working out so much? He hadn’t paid much attention to it last night when it was dark and he barely had the brain function to keep himself from passing out under Mingyu’s touch. In the light of the morning, though, it was all he could look at.
It took a real, concentrated effort to tear his eyes away. He glanced at Mingyu and found him grinning wolfishly, eyes bright with amusement.
“You can do more than just look, you know.”
Wonwoo hurriedly grabbed clean briefs from his underwear drawer and fled for the safety of the bathroom.
“Just so you know,” Mingyu called, “you might want to wear something with a higher neckline.”
“What?” Wonwoo caught sight of himself in the mirror then. His eyes widened at the collection of hickies blooming over his chest and up his throat. “Jesus, Mingyu, you goddamn leech!”
Mingyu cackled from the bedroom.
It started like this:
Wonwoo was 24 and still a virgin. Hadn’t dated anyone since senior year of high school. He was tired of family members asking him if he was seeing anyone, tired of people calling him a prude once they found out he had never had sex before. It was just that sex and relationships—letting someone in like that, both metaphorically and physically—were a big deal to him. There hadn’t been anyone he trusted enough.
Mingyu was horny all the time and uninterested in committing himself, running in the opposite direction when things started to get too serious.
A friend of theirs had commented on this once, the way Mingyu jumped from person to person as often as someone changed outfits. Mingyu had only shrugged and said, “I told them I was looking for something casual. Not my fault if they suddenly think they mean something to me after I’ve slept with them once.”
Wonwoo remembered thinking then that those words were a little cruel. He had vowed to keep his heart closer to himself. That lasted for all but a week. Mingyu had turned to him with wounded eyes and asked, “Are you mad at me, Wonwoo? What did I do wrong?”, and Wonwoo was crawling his way back into Mingyu’s pocket.
Mingyu thought that adding a bit of fucking here and there would make their perfect friendship even better. For Wonwoo, there was no one he trusted more than Mingyu.
And if Wonwoo was harbouring something of a crush on Mingyu—it was a tiny one; he had it under control, and had kept it under control for the past ten years—then no one had to know.
Wonwoo lay slouched against the corner of his couch with a book in hand, attempting to make a dent in his to-read pile. In between his coursework for his masters in library science and entertaining Mingyu, there hadn’t been much time to do that lately. His phone vibrated across the coffee table, the caller ID announcing that it was—speak of the devil, Wonwoo thought wryly—Mingyu who was calling. He picked up the phone. “Hey. What’s up?”
“Hey, can I come over?” Mingyu asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good. Because I’m already at your door.”
Wonwoo stood, stretching his arms overhead and walking over to let Mingyu in. In the three weeks since they had started sleeping together, both everything and nothing had changed. They still played Dota together. They still texted each other as soon as they were awake in the morning. Mingyu still showed up unannounced.
“Got your favourite,” Mingyu said, triumphantly holding up burgers from Wonwoo’s favourite burger joint, which was located nearly an hour long bus ride away.
“You didn’t have to go out of your way,” Wonwoo said.
But what had changed about their relationship was this:
“You can thank me by giving me a kiss,” Mingyu said with a rakish grin. He turned his face and tapped his cheek.
Wonwoo rolled his eyes but obliged, leaning in to give Mingyu a peck. Mingyu turned his head at the last moment, causing their lips to meet. It was the oldest and cheesiest trick in the book, and Wonwoo’s heart wobbled precariously in his chest because of it.
Mingyu tilted his head to deepen their kiss, his free hand settling on the small of Wonwoo’s back and stroking there lightly with his thumb. Wonwoo sighed and pressed forward, letting their pelvises come together. Heat coiled low in his gut, flaring when Mingyu’s hand ventured lower to cup his ass.
Mingyu parted first. Leaned his forehead against Wonwoo’s.
“We should eat first. I know you hate soggy fries,” he said, breath uneven. His cheeks were flushed a light pink. He looked a little dazed, and Wonwoo felt absurdly proud knowing that he was the cause of it.
They kissed and cuddled a lot more than they fucked, and it confused the hell out of Wonwoo. Wasn’t that what Mingyu wanted? Just sex? Yet there were times when Mingyu seemed perfectly content to crowd him into the sofa and kiss him all over, before returning his attention to his video games and acting like nothing had happened. Wonwoo would be left panting and aching in his boxers.
At the end of August, his and Mingyu’s friends gathered at the park to have a barbecue. Mingyu was manning the grill, wearing an apron that said HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH . Junhui, Soonyoung, and Minghao were sitting cross-legged on a picnic blanket, playing a round of Dutch poker. Hansol and Seungkwan were tossing a frisbee back and forth.
Wonwoo and Jeonghan sat together at a picnic table, popping blueberries into their mouths as they waited for the meat to cook.
“So, I have it on good authority that Jung Aeri likes you,” Jeonghan said.
Wonwoo groaned. “Not this again.”
Jeonghan raised both hands in defense. “Hey, I’m just looking out for you. Lonely is not a good look on you.”
“But I’m not lonely. I have you guys.” Wonwoo waved a vague hand over everyone. He had Mingyu now, too, though he kept that to himself.
“And we love you! But it’s not the same,” Jeonghan said. “Come on, Wonwoo. Ask her out. Get to know her a little. You might end up liking her.”
Mingyu came up behind them, interrupting. “Here. Try this,” he said, blowing on a freshly grilled chicken wing before handing it to Wonwoo. “So what are we talking about?”
“Wonwoo’s love life,” Jeonghan replied. “I’m trying to get him to ask out Jung Aeri. Seriously, when’s the last time you dated anyone?”
Wonwoo bit into the wing, humming his approval as the marinade spread across his palate.
He couldn’t be sure if he was reading too much into it, but sometimes it felt like he was dating Mingyu. Almost. It felt like there was more than just sex between them. Or maybe it was because they had been friends longer than they had been lovers.
Lately, he had been more aware of how often Mingyu’s eyes lingered on him when they were doing everyday things like running errands. Their casual touches felt heated. Then again, maybe Wonwoo was just projecting his feelings onto Mingyu. He didn’t want to assume. He knew Mingyu didn’t like it when his fuck buddies started to expect too much.
He wished Mingyu would speak up. Announce that Wonwoo was, in fact, dating someone, and that someone was Mingyu. But Mingyu said no such thing, so Wonwoo admitted, “It’s been a while.”
“Do you plan on living out your whole life alone?” Jeonghan asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe? No?”
“Great! So that means you’ll ask Aeri out,” Jeonghan said with a satisfied grin.
Wonwoo scowled. “Will you stop trying to set me up with people if I do?”
“...Fine.”
Wonwoo glanced at Mingyu who still hadn’t said anything, too busy attacking a chicken wing of his own to respond. He sighed. “I guess I will then.”
“Don’t let Aeri know how excited you were,” Jeonghan said with a laugh.
* * *
The group parted ways as the sun was starting to disappear below the horizon. Hansol, Soonyoung, and Junhui all lived on the same block, so they headed off toward the bus stop. Minghao and Seungkwan had plans to meet up with their other friends. They hugged their goodbyes, leaving Wonwoo and Mingyu alone to walk home.
After a while, Mingyu said, “So you’re going to ask Aeri out.”
Wonwoo shrugged, uncomfortable. “I guess. Jeonghan won’t leave me alone otherwise.”
“What about me?”
Taken by surprise, Wonwoo said without thinking, “What about you?”
Mingyu snorted. “Way to make a guy feel special.”
Wonwoo winced. “Okay, that came out wrong. I just meant… Does it bother you? It’s not like we’re, you know. Like that. Friends with benefits, right?”
“Friends with benefits,” Mingyu repeated, voice hollow. He didn’t look at Wonwoo, eyes fixed straight ahead. His jaw was clenched, the muscle there jumping. “Is that what this is to you?”
“I don’t know, Mingyu,” Wonwoo said. He didn’t know what to make of Mingyu’s reaction. “I’ve never had a friend with benefits before. I don’t know how any of this works. I don’t know if we’re allowed to date other people.”
He hated the thought of Mingyu seeing anyone else even though he knew he had no claim over him. But ever since they started sleeping together, Mingyu hadn’t so much as glanced at another person. Never responded to any attempts at flirtation the way he used to, at least, not while Wonwoo was around.
“I’m… I’m confused,” Wonwoo said helplessly. He recalled the time he had slept over at Mingyu’s apartment and made himself comfortable on Mingyu’s bedroom floor. He had woken partway through the night to Mingyu sliding under the covers behind him like he belonged there. Mingyu had laid an arm over him, nuzzling into the back of Wonwoo’s neck and whispering, “Shh… Go back to sleep. It’s just me.”
“You make me… Sometimes it feels like we’re—” Wonwoo clamped his mouth shut, embarrassed.
“Feels like we’re what, Wonwoo?” Mingyu asked softly, turning to face him. They had stopped walking, paused in the middle of the sidewalk.
There was a cool summer breeze tonight, the kind that felt like a gentle wind off the ocean. It mussed up Mingyu’s hair, made him look six kinds of beautiful.
“Sometimes it feels like we’re more,” Wonwoo finished.
“Do you want to be more?”
“I—” Wonwoo closed his eyes and swallowed. His heart raced away at a mile per minute in his chest.
He didn’t know what gave him the courage. Maybe it was because Mingyu was wearing an expression that he had never seen before: hopeful and scared and nervous all at once. He just knew that he didn’t want to look back on this moment and torture himself with the what-ifs. “Yes,” he breathed.
“Me too.”
“I—I’m sorry. What?”
Mingyu laughed. “I said me too. I want to be something more with you.”
“Then why the hell didn’t you ask me out for real, you ass!” Wonwoo huffed. “You kept making me second guess myself for no reason.”
“Hey, in my defense, I was in love with my best friend and scared shitless,” Mingyu said.
“You love me?” Wonwoo asked, suspicious.
“It was a figure of speech,” Mingyu said. He paused. Then he said, “But yes. I suppose I do love you. A little.”
A slow grin split across Wonwoo’s face.
Mingyu rolled his eyes. “Come here, you.”
He curled a hand around the back of Wonwoo’s neck, lashes falling to half-mast and eyes riveted to Wonwoo’s lips. Making it so damn obvious that he was leaning in for a kiss that Wonwoo shook with anticipation. Mingyu dipped his chin down as Wonwoo tipped his face up, and their lips slotted together in a soft and chaste kiss that lingered and lingered.
“You drive me crazy,” Mingyu murmured against the corner of Wonwoo’s mouth. “I’ve been driving myself crazy, finally allowed to touch but being unable to call you my own.”
Wonwoo laughed quietly, his fingers curling into Mingyu’s chest. “You’re secretly a romantic, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know. You’ll have to stick around to find out.”