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2019-08-04
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Echt

Summary:

They look. It’s brief glances between each other, nothing special, nothing extraordinary.

It’s small things at first: a brush of shoulders as they pass each other in the hallway, Natasha’s knuckles brushing against the back of Maria’s hand, Maria’s fingers brushing against Natasha’s when handing her a file. It’s small and innocent and completely inconsequential.

Notes:

This is technically the first Blackhill fic I’ve written (my WS AU not included), but I was stuck on the last part. There’s a month long gap between writing it and finishing that so if there’s a different vibe that would be why.

The title comes from the song “Echt” by Glasperlenspiel. Specifically chosen for a passage that translates to wanting a moment to be perfect and real.

Work Text:

They look. It’s brief glances between each other, nothing special, nothing extraordinary. Natasha looks first. When she exists the Helicarrier command center to get up onto the flight deck, she looks to where Hill is talking to Fury and her gaze lingers for just a few seconds longer than it usually does. Maria glances her way when she passes her in the cafeteria to get back to her office. Natasha always stands out with her red hair, even when there’s hundreds of other people around. She never gets lost in a crowd unless she wants to. Here, she rarely tries. They never look at each other at the same time. Natasha catches glimpses of her and Maria looks when Natasha is otherwise occupied. The only time they talk is during mission briefs and debriefs. It’s only work, always. But they still look.


It’s a month later that she hears Hill’s mission has gone south and her and her team come back injured. Natasha waits on the flight deck, out of sight in one of Clint’s favorite observation spots. The Quinjet that arrives mere minutes later reveals Maria and her team, battered and bruised but overall fine, and Natasha watches. She makes sure Hill is alright and remains unseen as the team heads inside the carrier to get checked by medical.


It’s another three weeks later that Natasha is hiding out in the air vent connected to Hill’s office - for the third time - just wanting to observe. She’s gotten here when the office was still empty and has kept quiet and still since. Maria has been here ten minutes and Natasha barely dares to breathe. She just wants to watch, not give herself away. Maria knows she’s there. She’s known the first two times but said nothing. This time she turns in her chair to face the grate closing the vent and sighs.

“How long are you going to be staying in there?”

It’s the first time either one of them speaks to the other about something that isn’t directly work related and Natasha is only a little surprised she’s been made. She retreats the way she’s come and neither of them speak of it again.


Natasha knows she’s not supposed to hear about this but she does and she’s in Fury’s office in ten minutes flat.

“I want in,” is all she says.

Fury glares at her. He’s expected her. He slides the file across his desk and she catches it on the other side, quickly flipping through it. Maria Hill has been taken by hostile forces. Natasha is the best they have and she knows it so she wants to be there. It’s better than any other mission Fury might send her on. Hill is important. She doesn’t even care that he gives in so readily. It’s bad.

“Barton isn’t available for this.”

“I’ll go in alone. It’s safer that way. I can move undetected and get her out.”

Fury considers it, narrowing his eyes, but then nods. She should take a team, they both know it, but he’s not going to argue this with her. They’re out of time. Hill has been gone for two days and they’ll be lucky to find her alive.

Natasha tracks down her whereabouts in record time, even for her standards. She infiltrates the place silently and easily takes down the small army of men who stand in her way. Maria is being held on the opposite end Natasha’s gotten in from so she has to hurry through the entire building. It doesn’t matter. She covers the distance within minutes and leaves a trail of bodies behind. She’s not proud of it - she could have dealt with them non-lethally - but this is instinct and reflex above all else. She needs to get to Maria.

When she finally does, she finds her tied to a chair, beaten and bloody, cuts all over her and several holes in her body that have no right to be there. It’s awfully hot in the room; Maria’s sweat-soaked and her hair sticks to her face and neck. Natasha frees her and immediately brings her over her shoulder to carry her out. Maria protests weakly but her ankle’s broken, as are the majority of her fingers in her left hand, and she’s in no condition to walk. Natasha doesn’t even give her the chance to get away. She’s getting her out of there. She expects more resistance but there’s only two more men coming their way and she shoots them down without ever letting go of Maria.

The mission is a success. Maria is recovering in the medbay and Natasha hasn’t so much as a scratch on her. She stays during the times Maria is asleep, just to reassure herself that she’s fine and will recover as planned. She’s never there when Maria’s awake, she makes sure of it.


Two weeks later, Maria’s still in the medbay. Fury refuses to let her go and Maria’s finally given up arguing. She needs the rest and she knows it. She just hates sitting still and being stuck.

Maria’s awake when Natasha comes to visit her. It’s the second time she’s actually awake for it but still she pretends to be asleep because she doesn’t know what to do with this. Natasha doesn’t say anything, just watches over her for some time before eventually leaving again. She never says anything, never touches her. She’s just there.


When Maria’s finally recovered and back on active duty, it feels to her like Natasha is never anywhere to be found on the entirety of the Helicarrier. She knows she’s around somewhere. Natasha isn’t out on any missions at the moment.

She heads to the gym one night after dealing with too much paperwork to unwind and get back into it. She misses working out. Medical restricted her regime while she’d been recovering so now that she’s finally allowed back into action she wants to do just that. She’s not expecting Natasha here but it’s not surprising whatsoever. The gym is basically Natasha’s second home on the carrier. She walks in without a word and Natasha doesn’t even glance her way, though Maria notes the briefest pause in the redhead’s punches, acknowledging her presence. She continues her workout and Maria starts her own.

“Thanks,” Maria says eventually.

Natasha stops to look at her, then grins a little. A shrug of her shoulder finishes the reply and Maria smiles briefly. Fury told her about Natasha volunteering but she’s been unable to thank her before.


 


The touches start after that. It’s small things at first: a brush of shoulders as they pass each other in the hallway, Natasha’s knuckles brushing against the back of Maria’s hand, Maria’s fingers brushing against Natasha’s when handing her a file. It’s small and innocent and completely inconsequential. They’re friends, Maria thinks, even if they never really stop to chat.


“Hill,” Natasha greets, for the very first time as they walk past one another in the command center.

“Agent Romanoff.”

They both continue on their way but then Natasha stops for a moment and turns around.

“Natasha.”

Maria catches the faint grin on the redhead’s face just as they both turn; Maria to look at her and Natasha to leave. She’s not about to shout back but she thinks she’ll return the favor the next time they speak.


A couple of weeks later, Natasha knocks on the door of Maria’s office. She never comes here; hasn’t since the last time she’s camped in the vent.

“Come in.”

Natasha enters but only leans against the door frame. She has no need to sit down or step in further.

“Wanna come to poker night?”

Maria raises an eyebrow, surprised by the offer. They still barely talk outside of mission related conversations.

“Depends on who else is there.”

“Barton, Morse, May and Coulson. Interested?”

“Sure,” she shrugs.

It sounds fun enough, though part of her wonders why she’s being invited. Or why she’s never been invited before. Her and Coulson are decently close and she gets along well with May and Bobbi too. It’s almost strange that it’s Natasha who’s asking her.

“Saturday, 8pm, my quarters.”

Maria nods in acknowledgement and Natasha smirks before leaving again.


Poker night is fun. They all have pokerfaces that are rock solid but they’re also all very well-trained agents and spies and so cracks are found anyway. Some are real, some aren’t, and Maria has the most learning left to do. May and Natasha are impossibly difficult to read. Bobbi and Clint are a little easier but not by much. She has the easiest time reading Coulson. Maria herself keeps her pokerface tight as well.

May takes the pot home that night. Her, Coulson and Bobbi are the first to leave. Maria doesn’t feel like staying much longer herself but then Clint is leaving and it’s just her and Natasha.

“Want another drink?”

“Why not?”

Natasha fills their glasses up again and then cleans up the poker set.

“Do you do this often then?”

“Whenever we’re all available. It’s not a weekly thing but we try to get together as often as possible.”

“Why did you invite me?”

Natasha grins and finishes with the poker set before sitting down again and grabbing her drink.

“You can never have too many people at the table.”

“What’s the real reason?”

Natasha downs her drink with a faint smirk, watching Maria over the rim of her glass.

“Are you ever going to give me a straight answer to any of my questions?”

“I like riling you up,” Natasha muses.

Maria takes that as an answer and shakes her head. That’s just like Natasha. She finishes her own drink and gets up. She should get going.

“Come back some time,” Natasha says when Maria is at the door.


 


Natasha is out on a mission for the next month and a half and she’s thoroughly exhausted and fed up when she finally gets to leave the medbay. She’s not terribly hurt; bruised mostly, with a few cuts marring her body. They’re shallow but quite high in number. They’ll heal with little to no scarring. It’s nothing for Natasha and the medics can’t hold her for long.

Something drives her to Maria’s quarters as soon as she’s released. She’s not even stopping by her own first, just heads right to Maria’s.

Maria looks for her. She gives up when she can’t find her in the gym or her quarters and she spends another hour working in her office before retiring for the night. She doesn’t expect to find Natasha here. It makes her stop dead in her tracks when she spots the redhead on her bed.

“Hey,” Natasha grins tiredly.

“What are you doing here, Natasha?”

“I don’t know,” she admits, “I just wanted to be here after the last six weeks.”

Maria nods slowly and joins her on the bed.

“You should probably go get some sleep. You look rough.”

“Just what a girl wants to hear,” she laughs, falling back onto the mattress tiredly.

“I didn’t mean here.”

“Maria.”

It’s the first time she uses her name and it gives Maria pause. Natasha is exhausted. Maria doesn’t understand why she’s here or why she wants to stay and a big part of her knows she should send her back to her own quarters. The small part of her that worried about her and is relieved to see her wants her to stay. It’s confusing at best but the small part wins out and she rolls her eyes with a dismissive wave of her hand. It’s not a big deal. They’re friends.

“Fine.”

Natasha actually looks surprised for a moment and Maria pretends not to see the momentary smile that follows.

“You’re alright, Hill.”

Maria says nothing and heads to her attached bathroom to change. She needs sleep too. When she comes back out, she finds Natasha fast asleep, curled up on one side of her bed. There’s enough space for Maria but barely. She takes a moment to just look at her. Natasha looks exhausted so it’s not surprising she’s already out. What Maria does find surprising is how easily she’s fallen asleep somewhere unfamiliar; with her around. Natasha doesn’t trust easily and Maria never once thought she might sleep like she trusts her. It’s weird to think about so she forces herself not to think about it. She’s too tired for this anyway. She gets into bed next to Natasha, leaving her the space she’s already taken for herself. She doesn’t fall asleep quite as quickly as Natasha but the sleep she gets is good.

Natasha is gone when she wakes up the next morning. For a moment she considers the possibility that she’s imagined it or even dreamt it up for some reason but there’s a lingering warmth on her skin and on the sheets next to her. Natasha hasn’t been gone long yet. Maria sits up and stares at the empty spot beside her. It was just a sleep over; not that she’s had any of those since she was fourteen.


They don’t speak about it. It’s like it’s never happened at all. Maria doesn’t ask and Natasha doesn’t mention it. She writes it off as normal. Her glances start lingering a little longer and Natasha’s touches do the same.


The next time they really spend any time together is at another poker night two weeks later. It’s Natasha who wins that night and everyone stays for another half hour before leaving.

“Maria,” Natasha says just as the brunette is about to leave as well.

She stops and turns around, still in the room, and the door closes behind Clint who’s just left before her.

“Thanks.”

Maria’s lips curl up into a small smile and she nods once. She doesn’t need to ask what she’s thanking her for.

“Sure.”

She waits another few seconds to see whether Natasha has anything more to add. When nothing follows, she turns back to the door to leave. She doesn’t even hear Natasha come closer but before she can reach for the door handle, she feels her hand on her shoulder. Maria is entirely unprepared to feel Natasha’s lips on her own and her fingers against her cheeks. She eventually finds enough brainpower to kiss her back, just before Natasha pulls away again. They both take a moment to breathe (Maria takes two) and then Natasha is smirking at her, looking all together too pleased. Maria doesn’t dare say anything even though she knows she should. She certainly wants to.

“I finally found something to make you speecheless.”

“Damnit, Natasha,” she sighs.

She closes the distance again and kisses her, tangling her fingers in her hair like she’s wanted to for weeks now. Natasha is quick to return the kiss and pull her closer. They stay close when Natasha finally breaks it to breathe and Maria lets red curls fall through her fingers.

“I want to do that again sometime.”

Maria laughs softly. She knows it’s up to her now. Natasha’s made her point and Maria, as Deputy Director, has to decide what to do with it. There’s plenty of reasons not to pursue this but they’ve looked for long enough and Maria doesn’t really want to go back to stolen glances and accidental touches. They’re professionals and S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t have any rules regarding relationships within the agency. These first two kisses have been enough to make her want more; more kisses, more touching, more Natasha.

“So do I.”

Natasha smirks, pleased again and barely hiding her excitement. She likes Maria and as confident as Natasha is, she’s glad it’s a yes. She doesn’t want things to get awkward between them, especially not at work. She’s been fairly certain that making a move would result in this. After all, Maria’s done just as much looking as her, and just as much touching. Still, the possibility of rejection has been almost as high.

Maria watches her, takes in the smirk, and then smiles. It’s weird, after all this time. She definitely wants more.

“Do you do dates?” She asks.

Natasha tilts her head and thinks about it for a second. She doesn’t remember ever having gone on a real date before. She hasn’t even done relationships a whole lot. It’s been mostly sex, more or less recurring. She likes her though and thinks she probably deserves better than just sex every so often. What’s more, Natasha wants more. Maria takes her silence for what it is. She’s good at this.

“Want to go on one?”

“Yes,” Natasha says, not even needing to think about it.

“How about Friday?”

“Aren’t we still going to be stuck here?”

Maria grins. They are on the carrier for another two weeks before scheduled landing, not to mention any missions either one of them might get send on, but Maria is resourceful.

“And it’d be something else to keep it from literally everyone on this carrier.”

That is true but frankly, Maria doesn’t really care. It could just be a friendly get together as far as the rest of them are concerned. She understands the worry though. On second look, Natasha doesn’t look worried at all.

“Trust me.”

“Okay.”


 


Friday comes around quickly. Maria has spend way too much time thinking about what to do and how to go about it but she thinks she has a pretty solid plan for this first date. Part of her wants to make a statement with it; to Natasha but also to everyone on board. She has no interest in hiding the fact that they’re having a date and Natasha looked like it was going to be a treat to watch everyone’s reaction. She can definitely agree with that. She picks Natasha up from her quarters at 8pm sharp. Natasha’s dressed up as much as she really could considering her clothing options on the carrier. She’s wearing a white blouse with a leather jacket and a pair of her long workout pants because she knows she looks great in them. She’s done her hair and make-up; not too much but just enough for Maria to look a little longer than usual. Maria herself is wearing one of her more formal suits, though the tank top underneath defeats half the purpose. She’s all out of nice shirts. Natasha doesn’t mind.

“Love the suit.”

“Love the jacket,” Maria returns.

They grin at each other for a few moments and then Maria leads the way through the carrier to the cafeteria. It’s anything but fancy but she’s talked to the staff to have something prepared and she picks up the bag and then they’re leaving again. Natasha follows curiously and doesn’t hide her glances. Maria looks stunning in that suit and the choice of clothing makes their date all the more obvious. Natasha likes it. Maria leads them outside and to a small corner where they’re better sheltered from the wind and get a bit of extra warmth. They are still pretty high up in the air after all. She’s organized a makeshift set of table and chairs for them to sit on and places the bag of food down between them. Natasha smiles. She’s never had a picnic before and it’s all around much sweeter than she’s expected.

“Look behind you,” Maria says.

Natasha turns and her smile grows a little softer. They have a brilliant view on the sunset from where they are. It’s absolutely gorgeous. She really likes how meticulously Maria has planned this whole thing out. The effort is nice and makes her feel appreciated. Not a lot of people tend to go out of their way for her.

“It’s beautiful. Nicely planned.”

Maria cracks a grin of her own and Natasha laughs a little when she turns around to see it. Maria looks far too proud of herself. It’s a good look on her.

“You think the whispers already started?”

“Probably. How about we eat, watch the sunset, and then go back in to find out?”

Natasha doesn’t bother to hide her smirk. Maria shares the food between them and hands her some cutlery and it almost feels familiar to sit here like that. It’s like eating take out with Clint, Natasha thinks, except the company is prettier and much more interesting.

They eat and chat about themselves a little. Natasha asks questions and Maria answers them and then they turn it around and Maria asks the questions. It’s nothing too personal because that’s a line they haven’t crossed yet, but they’re comfortable questions. Trivial things like their favorite foods and how often they’ve beaten Clint during sparring sessions.

Natasha stops watching the sunset once it colors the clouds purple and watches Maria instead. It takes a minute for the brunette to catch on and turn her head towards her. They’re sitting side by side now and Maria smiles a little at the look on her face. Natasha reaches out to cup her cheek and kiss her. It’s surprisingly soft and when Maria kisses her back it’s with that same softness. She threads her fingers through Natasha’s curls and Natasha’s hand moves down to her jawline. When they finally break the kiss again, they remain close to each other. Maria opens her mouth to say something but Natasha’s question comes out first and makes her pause.

“Be my girlfriend?”

She watches the last of the sun’s reflection in her green eyes and then kisses her again before breathing a “yes” against her lips.

They stay outside until it’s dark and it’s not a surprise when everyone stops to look at them once they’re back inside. They’re holding hands as they walk the hallways and Maria pulls her into a kiss in the middle of the command center for good measure. Natasha smirks. She likes that statement a lot. She tugs her along after that, ignoring everyone’s attempts at hiding their stares, and leads the way back to her quarters. Maria has no complaints. She wants more of this, more of her. Natasha is happy to provide that.