Chapter Text
What do I do? What should I do?
What do I say? What can I say?
I said I'm not supposed to be like this.
Let's try to find a happy game to play.
I'm not supposed to be like this,
But it's okay. Okay.
- “The Wrong Child” R.E.M.
****************
It had been about six weeks since the first time Peter had shown up on the rooftop in Queens. Tony continued to sit there on Wednesday and Sunday nights and Peter showed up roughly half the time. They talked about what was going on at school or things that happened while Peter was Spider-Manning.
Peter had been seeing Tony’s therapist, Dr. Sterling. He liked her a lot and found their sessions helpful. Tony and Peter had even had some sessions together, family therapy style. It was helping to rebuild the fragile trust between them.
Dr. Sterling thought they were ready for Peter to make a visit to the compound and the two had agreed. Of course, the therapist had discussed with them what sorts of things might trigger a panic attack for Peter. She recommended a short visit, for just a couple of hours. But naturally Peter and Tony chose to throw caution to the wind and have Peter spend the whole weekend. May had grudgingly agreed to it, but only because she needed to be away that weekend for work and didn’t want the teen to be home by himself.
Tony was nervously pacing in the foyer, with Rhodes and Bruce looking on anxiously. Suddenly the door opened, filling the space with sunlight as Peter and Happy walked in.
Peter had his school backpack slung over his shoulder and his duffel bag in hand. For a moment, Peter and Tony just stared at each other.
Happy cleared his throat, then said to Peter, “Remember, Kid, if you want to go home at any point, just call me.”
The boy nodded. “Thanks, Happy,” he said sincerely.
The Head of Security gave Tony a warning look before he headed back out.
“Hi, Pete,” Tony greeted his protégé brightly. He went to sling his arm around the boy. But Peter deftly sidestepped, staying out of reach. We’re not there yet, Tony realized.
“Hey, Mr. Stark,” Peter replied, a little embarrassed that he still felt the need to dodge his mentor’s touch.
Tony forced a smile despite his disappointment. “Do you want to take your stuff to your room? Then we’ll get something to eat.”
“Yeah sure,” Peter answered flatly. That was what he usually did when he visited the compound. It seemed right. He headed towards his room, greeting Rhodes and Bruce as he passed them.
Tony turned to his friends and frowned.
“Give him time, Tony,” Bruce said encouragingly. “Don’t rush it. He’s here. That’s a start.”
——————
Peter paused at the door to his room. Immediately he knew something was different, but he wasn’t sure what yet. He looked around the room carefully. Everything seemed to be the way he had left it.
Then he glanced up and was surprised to see a sky blue carpet on the ceiling. It coordinated perfectly with the darker blue carpet that covered the floor. Peter just stood in the doorway and stared at it.
“What do you think?” Tony’s voice came from behind him. The man gestured for the teen to enter the room. “I thought a lighter color since it probably won’t get as much wear and tear as the regular carpet.” He looked at the boy carefully. “Or maybe it will. I guess we’ll find out.”
Peter turned to the man with a shocked expression. “Does this mean you figured out the anti-gravity Roomba?”
Tony laughed. “No, that’s strictly your project to solve. I did build an extra long telescoping attachment for the traditional vacuum cleaner. That will have to do in the meantime.”
Peter just grinned from ear to ear, amazement and joy clear on his face. Tony loved that expression. He hadn’t seen it in such a long time.
Encouraged by Peter’s reaction, Tony continued, “I wanted to do the living room too. But the installers balked because of the two-story height and all the light fixtures. So for now, it’s just in your room.”
“I love it,” Peter breathed, still not quite believing it.
“Are you going to try it out?” Tony asked, a bit impatiently.
The Kid quickly dropped his bags and toed off his shoes. Then he leapt straight up, flipping to land in a seated position on the ceiling. He ran his hands over the carpet, feeling how wonderfully soft it was. Tony had obviously considered not just the color of the carpet, but the quality of the fibers as well. Peter laid back and sprawled out.
“Well, is it everything you dreamed it would be?” Tony asked.
“It’s perfect,” Peter said quietly. A thought occurred to the boy. “Did you get to try it out?”
“You mean did I test out the carpet before I lost the spider powers? Yeah, I did. It was… very cool. Carpet on the ceiling is a brilliant idea. Now, do you wanna stay up there for a while or are you hungry?” He made it sound like either option was acceptable.
Peter was immediately on his feet in front of the man.
Tony chuckled. “I guess it’s food then.”
—————-
Tony had already ordered a ton of pasta primavera and salad. He dished it out while Peter got them glasses of ice water.
Tony loaded Peter’s plate with food, but put a very small portion on his own. It was less than half of what he would have usually eaten before the blood transfusion.
Peter frowned. “Are you sick? Why aren’t you eating?”
“I am eating. See?” Tony made a show of putting a forkful of pasta in his mouth.
“But that’s not nearly enough food for you,” Peter sounded worried. “Even without the spider powers, it’s not enough. “
“Calm down, Pete. It’s okay.” Tony reassured the teen. “It’s enough food for me for now. This way, I’ll get hungry again in an hour or two, the same as you do.”
Peter was shocked. “Why would you do that?”
Tony sighed. “So I don’t forget to make you eat. In the past I’ve been really bad about feeding you often enough and you’re too polite to complain about it. But now I know how it feels to be hungry like that.”
“Mr. Stark, you don’t have to…” Peter started.
“I need to do better by you, Pete. I’m gonna try to do better. That starts with eating more often.”
“Alright,” Peter smiled. Then he realized something. “Starts with? There’s more?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a bunch of ideas for upgrades on your suit,” Tony said excitedly. “Now that I know more about how you experience sensory input, I’d like to modify the sensory filters. Make things more comfortable for you.”
The Kid’s smile lit up his whole face. “That sounds great!”
Tony grinned and continued, “I also did some experiments and got a better understanding of how your stickiness works in different weather conditions. If we make some changes to the materials in your gloves and boots, I think you will have an easier time in the rain.”
“Really? That’s amazing!” Peter was thrilled and obviously surprised.
Tony gave a sad smile. “Yeah, well once I stopped acting like an ass, I realized I needed to make the most of the experience so I can help you more.”
Tony wished Peter didn’t look so shocked by that. Was it really so astonishing that he could put the Kid’s interests ahead of his own? Then again, given his track record, maybe Peter had good reason to be stunned.
Tony activated a holographic display and started showing Peter the improvements he had come up with.
“We can work on your suit after we eat if you want,” Tony offered.
“I kinda want to work on the Roomba first, now that I have a carpeted ceiling. But can we do the suit upgrades tomorrow?” Peter asked excitedly.
Tony was relieved to see the Kid’s enthusiasm. He had missed that so much. “Whatever you want to do, Pete.”
——————
Peter became increasingly apprehensive as they made their way to the workshop. They were about six feet from the door, when Peter froze in place.
“Kid?” Tony asked. “You alright?”
Peter looked from the workshop door to Tony’s face and then to the floor. He shook his head. “I don’t know if I can go in there,” he whispered.
The workshop. The place that had been their shared sanctuary. The place where Tony had thrown a fit and verbally abused the Kid. Tony could feel his stomach twist and his heart break.
Tony reached out to put a hand on Peter’s shoulder and the boy stumbled back, away from him. The man dropped his arm.
“I’m sorry. I won’t touch you,” Tony kept his voice low and he tried to sound reassuring. “Dr. Sterling said this might happen, remember?”
Peter nodded. He was working to breathe at a steady rate, trying to stave off a panic attack.
“That’s good, keep breathing,” Tony encouraged. “Do you want me to call Bruce or Rhodey to come down?”
Peter shook his head. “No,” he whispered hoarsely. “Just give me a minute.”
“Take your time, Pete. There’s no rush,” Tony tried to stay calm, despite the deep pain of knowing he had caused this.
For several minutes, the only sound in the corridor was Peter’s deep breaths.
“Okay,” the Kid said quietly. “I’m ready.”
They entered the workshop slowly, Tony let Peter take the lead. The boy moved cautiously and looked around carefully. Tony didn’t rush him and gave the Kid the space he needed to move around the room.
Eventually Peter settled in to his usual workspace. He opened a bin and pulled out the Roomba and its loose components.
“Can I use your tools?” Peter asked softly,, without looking at him.
“You can use anything you want, Pete. I’m not going to yell at you and I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe here.” Tony desperately hoped the Kid believed him.
After a while, Peter started working on the Roomba. He started to relax and feel comfortable in the space again. Tony moved to his own work area, but kept a close eye on the teen.
They worked in silence for a while. Then Peter suddenly said, “I like Dr. Sterling. She’s really nice and smart.”
Tony smiled gently. “I like her too. Is she helping you?”
“Yeah,” Peter replied in a low voice.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” Tony asked. Then, suddenly worried that he had overstepped a boundary, he added, “you don’t have to.”
Peter considered for a moment, then started, “I’m not supposed to be like this…”
Tony frowned. That didn’t sound like progress. “Peter…”
The boy shook his head. “No, it’s okay, Mr. Stark. It’s alright for me to wonder about who I would have been if my parents hadn’t died. But I can’t let that stop me from being the person I am now. Some bad stuff has happened to me. I’m not supposed to be like this, but it’s okay.”
“Okay?” Tony echoed as he tried to understand what the Kid was saying. “What do you mean it’s okay?”
Peter shrugged. Then he turned back to the project he was working on.
It took Tony a moment to think back on the conversation they had on the ceiling when Peter had first told him about his plans for the anti-gravity Roomba. Just because something is damaged doesn’t mean it isn’t still worthwhile. At the time, Tony had gotten a vague impression that Peter was talking about more than the things he found dumpster diving. But Tony hadn’t understood the full meaning.
Peter had been talking about himself. Tony could see that now.
Tony watched as Peter worked on the treasure he had pulled from the trash. He asked, “How’s the anti-gravity Roomba coming along?” Tony walked over to stand close to Peter, but not too close.
Peter smirked. He knew the apparent change of subject wasn’t really a change of subject. “It’s making progress. There’s a long way to go. There are still a few issues I need to solve, but I’ve got some new ideas on how to get there.”
“I bet it’ll be amazing,” Tony said fondly.
“Well, it will be unique among Roomba-kind, that’s for sure,” Peter said, as he made fine adjustments to one of the components.
“It’ll go places and do things other Roombas can only dream about,” Tony said.
Peter didn’t look up from his work. “What if the other other Roombas hate it and think it’s a freak?” The boy’s light tone almost hid his anxiety. He was stretching the metaphor, but he needed to know.
“Then the other Roombas are assholes. But the other Roombas won’t really hate it. They would only say that because they were afraid… because of their own insecurities. They’ll learn to face those fears and move past them.” Tony replied in a low voice tinged with shame.
Peter nodded, accepting the answer.
After a moment, Tony reached out and affectionately tapped the Roomba’s cover, which sat close to Peter’s elbow. The boy flinched a little at the movement, but they both ignored it.
“What are you going to do about the casing?” Tony asked, pointing to the large cracks.
Peter glanced over at it. “I made a polymer that will fix those. You’ll always be able to tell it was damaged, but it’ll be stronger than before.”
Tony thought about that for a minute. How things that were damaged were still worthwhile. A Roomba with broken circuitry and a cracked casing. An orphaned kid raised in poverty and exposed to violence and grief at far too young an age. A spoiled, middle aged man with a chest full of shrapnel and a history of alcohol abuse. All of them were damaged, but could be made stronger than they were before.
Peter changed tools, moved on to another part of the wiring. He asked, “Do you still think I should have used a new Roomba? Instead of one I found dumpster diving?”
The man shook his head, “No. Some people might think this was trash, but it’s really just on its way to doing something extraordinary. Sometimes things don’t reach their full potential until after they’ve been broken.”
Now Peter did look up and he grinned at his mentor. They understood each other.
Before either of them could say anything more, Tony’s stomach rumbled loudly, startling both of them. And a moment later, Peter’s did too.
They both laughed.
“Come on, Spiderling, let's go find something to eat.”
As they walked out of the workshop, Tony glanced back at Peter’s work on the anti-gravity Roomba. It was still very much a work in progress.
I’m not supposed to be like this, but it’s okay.
Roombas weren’t supposed to vacuum the ceiling. Teenagers weren’t supposed to be superpowered and stick to walls. Middle aged rich guys weren’t supposed to fly around in metal suits. But they did and it was okay.
I’m not supposed to be like this, but it’s okay. Okay?
Tony put an arm around the Kid’s shoulders. This time, Peter smiled and leaned into him.
They were still very much a work in progress, but they were going to be okay.