Chapter Text
Joseph was struggling. He hadn’t kept up Hamon, and he was - and he’d hate to admit it - quite a bit older than Hol Horse. That’s the problem with being one million years old. He pushed his way past guests, following the rapidly disappearing cowboy.
Suddenly, Hol skidded to a sudden stop and Joseph fully crashed into him. He only had a second to take in the completely shattered locket on the floor before he wrapped an arm around Hol’s neck and pulled him away. Luckily, the rest of the guests were too distracted by the sudden, inexplicable implosion of the locket to notice Hol Horse being hauled away and bundled into the nearest linen closet. Joseph cast about wildly, holding Hol down with Hermit Purple, then grabbed some sheets and strung them quickly into ropes. He tied the other man up (like a trussed up hog , Hol thought bitterly), gave him a swift kick in the ribs, and left. Hol distinctly heard the lock turn.
Hol Horse lay there, in the dark, and thought: Mr. Dio is going to kill me.
-
Abdul was softly humming, his deep voice reverberating through Polnareff, down to his bones.
“What’s that song?”
“Ah.” Abdul seemed surprised, as if he hadn’t realised what he was doing. “It’s a song my father used to sing when I was very young. It helped me fall asleep.”
“Continue.” Polnareff’s voice was softer than Abdul had ever heard it. “Please.”
Abdul complied, and Polnareff rested his head against Abdul’s shoulder. Breathed in his cologne. Savoured the warmth of his hands.
“This isn’t so bad.”
Abdul agreed.
-
The remaining Crusaders let out a collective sigh when they saw Joseph and Iggy stride into the ballroom.
“Oh, here we fucking go.” Kakyoin said, only barely under his breath.
“At least he’s not dead.” Abdul murmured, forcing a grin.
Joseph was advancing like a madman, beaming as he elbowed his way past dancing couples.
“So!” He yelled, throwing his arms into the air in a sadly typical display of Joseph Joestar theatrics. “I see romance is afoot!”
“ Please keep your voice down, Mr. Joestar.” Abdul pleaded. “You’re upsetting the other guests… security will be alerted…”
Joseph stalked up to his grandson and pinched his cheek violently. Jotaro barely restrained himself from snapping his Gumby’s wrist on the spot.
“My precious boy,” he cackled, “I knew you’d find love! You’re just like your grandfather, you know that? When I was your age, there was a boy - I seduced him, obviously, I was very sexy back then…”
Kakyoin snorted. Jotaro looked like he wanted to go into witness protection. Abdul had his head in his hands. Polnareff was enjoying the whole scene immensely.
“They’re not the only ones, monsieur Joestar!” Polnareff chirped, and Abdul groaned.
“Me, a fifth wheel? This won’t do at all, no, no…”
Jotaro, at this point, seemed to visibly snap, and started towards Joseph like a raging bull. Joseph squealed.
“So security’s definitely on the way, right?” Kakyoin asked Abdul, watching the scuffle with interest.
“Of course. We’re doomed.”
-
“Unhand me, you beast !” Joseph spat, clearly enjoying himself. The guard merely grunted, his hand fisted in the back of Joseph’s suit jacket. Polnareff was already splayed out on the drive, ignoring the gravel digging into his back in favour of looking mournfully up at the stars.
Kakyoin had caught himself with his stand before he hit the ground, and seemed to be saying something to Jotaro, who was currently fixing his grandfather with a death stare. Abdul was brushing the gravel from his suit with an air of long, long -suffering patience.
The guard released Joseph, who promptly tripped, tumbled down the steps and planted face-first into the drive, and returned inside. Joseph spewed muffled curses. Abdul cleared his throat.
“If nobody minds my asking, what happened to the locket?”
Joseph rolled onto his back, mirroring Polnareff. “Ask Kakyoin.”
Kakyoin, for his part, looked completely unrepentant for his role in their disaster of an evening.
“We’ve been over this,” (“We really haven’t.”) “Dio can’t have it, so no harm, no foul, right?”
“Right.” Jotaro grunted. Polnareff winked at Abdul.
“I can’t stand you people,” Joseph sighed. “Ruining my life, all of you.”
Their “festival of recriminations”, as Kakyoin put it later, was suddenly cut short by a commotion inside the mansion.
“A man, in the closet -” “A what ?” “- all tied up, and I thought -” “good God, he’s nearly nude!”
“Joseph, what did you do ?” Abdul hissed, cheeks red. Joseph spluttered defensively from the ground, but his explanation was cut short.
What happened was this:
Hol Horse, having been discovered in the linen closet and having fully exhausted his high society persona, was summarily removed from the mansion.
Hol Horse, having earned no respect or goodwill from the security staff on account of his very revealing outfit, was physically thrown off the steps of the mansion to the drive below.
Hol Horse, having sailed through the air, warm night air whipping at his exposed buttocks, was at first relieved to have his fall cushioned, at least until -
Hol Horse, having realised his position, found himself utterly mortified, realising that his cushion was in fact Joseph’s face.
Polnareff howled. Hol Horse shot up like he’d been burned, scrabbling to his feet. He sprinted off into the night. Joseph lay motionless on the drive. After a moment or so, in which the air was filled only with the sweet sound of Polnareff, a clip clop heralded the arrival of a smartly dressed horse. It trotted briskly in the direction Hol had run in, paying the Crusaders no mind at all as they watched it pass. Silence fell.
“I cannot believe you’ve been getting nasty with Hol Horse.”
Joseph groaned.
-
“Mr. Dio, I’ve returned.” Hol Horse was shaking, despite himself.
“Another failure, Hol Horse? Whatever shall I do with you…” Dio drawled, eyes cold.
“My apologies, Mr. Dio.”
“Tell me, Hol Horse, what exactly is the point of keeping you around when you continue to disappoint me? And after I lent you my suit, no less.”
“W-well, about that, sir..”
Dio raised an eyebrow. “Was there something wrong with the suit?”
“It’s not that, sir, it’s just… it’s just so sexual , Mr. Dio, the suit, I mean…” Hol was stammering. “It was very distracting - a-and then I sat on Mr. Joestar’s face, sir, and it was all just very…” He motioned his hands vaguely.
Dio’s eyes bug out of his skull. He straightened up to his full height.
“You sat on Joseph Joestar’s face ?”
“Yes, sir.” Hol Horse looked blank. He didn’t know what was so scandalous about an incident he just found plain embarrassing, personally.
“ Get out.”