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Patton leans back against his door and he hears the latch click shut. It has been a long day, and he has felt way too many emotions in such a small amount of time that he swears if he feels one more thing he’s gonna explode. He lets his hair fall into his eyes as he trods over to his giant bed. His bed covers an entire wall of the room and is covered in blankets and pillows and stuffed animals of every kind. Patton flops into the middle of it and pulls about seven blankets on top of himself. He grabs his favourite stuffed animal, a two foot tall penguin named Peggy, and holds her tight.
Logan passes Patton’s door on the way to the kitchen. He is lost in thought when he hears something that pulls him back to the present. It takes him a second, but when he realises what it is, it worries him. He hears crying coming from Patton’s room, and it sounds like it’s coming from Patton and not one of the others. If Patton was crying, that meant something bad had happened. Patton didn't like to cry but when he needs to he tends to listen to sad music with the door open or watches a sad movie to have an excuse to cry, but this. For him to close himself in his room and try to hide his tears... now that was bad, very bad.
Logan decides his midnight snack can wait. He turns to face Patton’s door and knocks. He hears Patton gasp inside.
“I'm not here.” Patton says, hoping that whoever is on the other side of the door might actually believe him
“Patton, it’s Logan. You know that wont work on me.”
Patton goes quiet, hiding further under his blankets.
“Is it okay if I come in?” Logan asks, hand already on the doorknob.
Patton does not respond.
Logan frowns, “Patton, If the door is unlocked and you don't say anything in protest, i'm coming in, okay?”
Patton pulls another blanket on top of himself, in an effort to conceal himself as he pulls his head under the mountain of blankets.
“I'm going to come in now Patton.” Logan says gently, slowly twisting the doorknob and pushing the door open.
When he sees the giant pile of blankets that Patton is undoubtedly hiding in, Logan’s heart sinks.
Logan steps in, closing the door behind him. “Patton. I know you are under all those blankets.”
Patton sighs and throws off the blanket he last grabbed, revealing his head.
“Hello there Patton.” Logan says, taking a seat in Patton’ swivel chair.
Patton gives Logan a small wave of his fingers.
Logan smiles softly,“Patton, would you mind sharing what is upsetting you? Especially to the point that you are in here at 3 am trying to hide your tears from the rest of the world.”
“Nothing is upsetting me, i'm just sad.” Patton mumbles.
“Why?”
“Because I am. It’s just a combination of a lot of small and big things that’ve been happening and I guess i'm hiding because I don't want to have to explain that there's no reason for me to feel this awful, I just do.” Patton starts crying and hides his face in the blankets.
“I'm sorry that you feel awful. Is there some way in which I can help? Do you want me to offer advice, offer a distraction, or just listen? Or multiple?” Logan asks.
Patton replies, through sniffles and tears,“Umm, actually, can you just sit with me for a bit? I... I just need to feel this right now Logan.’
“Oh, uh, okay. I suppose I can do that.” Logan says startled at the use of another option.
Despite not understanding, Logan joins Patton on the bed, sitting next to the giant pile of blankets and making himself a backrest of pillows. He grabs his designated stuffed robot from the messy pile and just sits.
Patton eventually moves so that his head is on Logan’s lap. Patton knows Logan doesn't really like physical contact, like hugs or really cuddling, but they’ve found that this is the best arrangement for physical contact between them.
Logan absentmindedly starts running his fingers through Patton’s hair, making him gasp a bit.
“Oh, sorry Patton. I didn't mean to upset you. I just find it rather comforting when you do that for me so I thought-”
“Logan, no, it’s fine. I was just surprised.”
“Like a good surprise?”
“Yes, it was a good surprise, Logan.”
“That is... satisfactory.” Logan admits allowing himself to smile.
Patton pats Logan’s knee in acknowledgement a sad smile on his face.
After a bit Logan realizes Patton has fallen asleep on his lap. He smiles down at the emotional side and gently shifts him off of his lap and into a comfortable position.
Logan lays down, removing his glasses and placing them on the nightstand next to Patton’s glasses. He was much too tired to go to his room, and he always seemed to sleep better here anyways.
When Logan woke up the next morning, Patton was already awake, but he hadn't moved from his place on the bed. Normally Patton would get up and make breakfast, but obviously that didn't happen.
“Good morning Patton. Did you sleep well?” Logan asks with a yawn.
Patton shrugs, “I didn't have any bad dreams or wake up in the middle of the night so , yeah, I guess so.”
“You are not feeling well this morning?”
“No Logan, i'm not. I don't feel much better than I did last night.” Patton admits.
“Is there something I can do to help?” Logan asks, concern wrinkling his brow.
Patton loses himself in thought, thinking, wondering, what could possibly make this better. In his franticness he starts to tear up, wondering if it could get better. “I.. I don't know Logan” he admits voice breaking, “I don't know.”
Logan is startled to say the least, “Patton, are you... er, umm, may I give you a hug?”
Patton nods and Logan reaches out, pulling Patton into his lap and holding him there in his arms.
“Is this helping?” Logan asks softly.
“Mmmhmm” Patton hums between gasping breaths and tears.
Logan feels a tightness in his chest at the sound of his friend crying and he holds Patton even tighter, even closer.
Logan starts taking deep steadying breaths, “Patton. I'm here. It’s okay. Can you take breaths with me?”
They breathe in, and out. In and out. In and out.
Slowly the mush in Patton’s mind starts to fade, and he is tired, despite having just woken up.
“Are you doing better now, Patton?” Logan asks when Patton relaxes in his arms.
“Still sad, but not panicked about it anymore so... I guess.” Patton says with a shrug.
“Would you want to talk about it? I have heard that talking about one’s feelings is a good way to help.” Logan says, hoping he’ll oblige.
“I mean, it probably would help, but I really don't want to.” Patton admits.
“And why is that?”
“I... i'm scared of spiralling again.” Patton mutters.
“But I am here, and if you begin to spiral, I can help.” Logan says, hoping it’s enough.
“I just,” Patton sighs, “Talking about it makes me feel bad, and I already feel bad, and I don’t want to feel worse.”
“Is there something else you would like me to do? Shall I distract you?” Logan asks, just wanting Patton to feel a little better.
“Thanks for the offer, but i’d rather just cuddle.”
“Okay, but we do need to go get breakfast at some point, okay?”
Patton nods.
“Tell me when you are ready to go eat.” Logan reminds him.
Patton shrugs, “I guess, i'm ready to go now. I've been awake for a few hours, i'm hungry.”
“I did not think you would want to go downstairs while upset, though I will certainly go with you if that is what you want.”
Patton wipes his eyes, “No, wait i'm not upset, see? I'm happy pappy Patton, i'm not sad, i'm never sad.”
“Falsehood.” Logan mutters, sad and slightly annoyed.
“Uh, i'm sad but it doesn't matter.” Patton says, sounding much less chipper.
“Falsehood. Try again.” Logan directs.
Paton sighs, “I'm sad, but I don't want the others to know so i'm hiding it from them while we get food.”
Logan frowns, his expression soft, “While that is true, it is unacceptable.”
“Logaaaaaan.” Patton whines.
“Try again.” Logan says calmly.
Patton huffs, “Okay, I’m sad, but-”
Logan interrupts sternly, “No. No buts.”
“Pfft... Butts.” Patton snorts.
“Patton.” Logan says, sounding like an annoyed parent.
“Fine. I'm sad... and that’s okay?” Patton says, unsure.
Logan smiles softly, “That is acceptable. Now let’s go get some food. I want waffles with Crofters.”
They get up and get dressed. Logan dresses in his normal button up and tie. Patton chooses a plain t-shirt, Virgil’s old hoodie and a pair of shorts.
Patton follows Logan out the door, putting on a front until Logan shoots him a look.
“What do you want for breakfast, Patton?” Logan asks, trying to keep the conversation light, as the others are sure to be up by this time.
“Want toaster strudel.”Patton says.
Logan forces himself not to correct Patton’s grammar, instead saying, “I suppose that is an acceptable choice as it does tend to cheer you up.”
As they walk into the kitchen, Virgil and Roman look up form their spots at the table.
“Hey, Popstar, what’s up?” Virgil asks, giving him a wave.
“Nothing” Patton insists nonchalantly.
“Didn't you say you were gonna wear that pretty flowy skirt today?” Roman asked.
Patton shrugs, “Yeah, I just... didn't want to”
“Patton, is something wrong?” Virgil asks, raising an eyebrow.
Patton shrugs, “I'm not feeling my happy self today, but it’s fine.”
“What’s going on there, padre? “ Roman asks.
Patton huffs, “I said it’s fine.”
Virgil gives him a look somewhere between sad and concerned, “Hey, Patt, it’s obvious that something is up. Please tell us what’s bothering you. Don't make me catastrophize about it all day.”
Normally Virgil doesn't like to guilt trip Patton into doing things, but he can tell something is up and it is bad.
Patton shakes his head, “That’s just it. There is no reason for me to be sad, I just am. And as much as I want to hide it from you guys... I know I shouldn’t. It’s just really frustrating to know that i'm upset for no reason at all.”
Virgil runs a hand through his hair, “Are you sure you’re upset for no reason? Did nothing trigger this?”
Patton takes his seat at the table, “Well... umm, I don't actually know.”
Patton sits and thinks about it as Roman and Virgil carry on eating their food.
Roman frowns, “Was it something we said?”
Patton shakes his head, “No! No, it, uh, it wasn't you guys.”
Logan sets Patton’s toaster strudel down in front of him, the icing in smiley faces and flowers, just the way he likes. “Was it someone else then?” Logan asks.
“I... it... well, yeah.” Patton admits with a sigh.
“What happened?” Roman asks.
Patton pulls Virgil’s old hoodie closer around his shoulders, “Well, remember how I was wearing that cute polka dotted skirt the other day, right?”
Roman smiles, “Yeah, your favourite skirt! It’s really cute on you!”
Patton gives a soft smile, “Thanks. Well there were these people in the store, and they... umm.” Patton hesitates, running a hand through his hair.
“Did they not like the skirt?” Logan asks.
Patton shakes his head, “No. they didn't. They... they were really awful. They called me rude names, even some homophobic slurs. They circled me, pushing me around, being rude and mean. Then one poured their coffee on my skirt and acted like it was an accident.”
Patton hears Virgil mutter something about homophobes and Roman puts a hand on Virgil’s arm.
Logan sighs, “Oh, so that’s what happened to the skirt.”
Patton nods, “They, they said i’m ugly, that i'm a freak. They said that my skirt was disgusting. That it made me look... They, they... said lots of things that I won't repeat. ”
“Why didn't you tell us about that when you got home?” Virgil asks.
“I... I- ” Patton shrugs and pulls his hood over his head
Logan sets down his bite of waffles, “That was the day that the video went up, remember? We were all stressed and excited about the video. Patton had run to the store to get snacks.”
“Oh, yeah.” Roman nods.
Patton sighs, staring at his plate, “I didn't want to ruin all the fun.”
“I understand that Patton, but that was a little bit more important than the video.” Virgil says with a sigh.
“I guess so, but it’s too late now.” Patton mumbles.
“What I do not understand is why it is still upsetting you.” Logan admits.
Roman looks at Patton, “Patton, you know that the things they said about you were wrong, right?”
Patton does not respond.
The room goes quiet.
“Patton?”
Patton pokes at his untouched food, “It still hurt.”
“Oh, Patton, of course it did. I would be more concerned if it didn't. But please know that we don't believe any of those things about you.” Logan reminds him
“... Knowing and believing are two different things.” Patton admits, his whispered voice loud in the quiet of the room.
After a long pause Roman shakes his head and frowns, “What do you mean?”
“I... I think I know what he’s saying.” Virgil says, shifting in his chair. “Knowing someone thinks something is like, surface level knowledge, believing something changes your thought patterns and your actions. Like knowing that a table was fixed and believing it can hold your weight are two different things.”
Logan frowns, “But many different factors play into-”
“L, that’s not-” Virgil groans, “How do I put this? Uh, it’s like knowing we won't judge you for having vocab cards, and believing it enough to use them around us.”
Logan blinks, “Oh... I see.” He looks down at Patton, “Is, is he right Patt?”
Patton is breathing so hard he feels like he might explode, his face is hot and his hands are shaking and he thinks he might be crying but he doesn't know. How did Virgil know? He shouldn't be this upset about this. He knows they were wrong, he thinks he believes it, he wants to but he can't and it hurts so much oh gosh it hur-
A hand is on his arm. “Hey, hey, Patton, we’re here. We’re right here. You're okay.”
Patton turns, looking at Virgil’s hand on his arm. He feels the tears on his face. He takes some deep breaths focusing on Virgil’s hand, listening to his voice.
Finally Patton whispers in the quiet between Virgil’s comforting words, “How did you know?”
Virgil takes a deep breath, “What did you think it was like for me to tell you my name?”
Patton opens his mouth as if to speak, but nothing comes out. He just closes his mouth and nods. They sit there for a minute as Patton’s breathing returns to normal.
Virgil smirks, “Patton, don't think those bad things about yourself, i’ll fight you!” he says playfully.
That gets a small smile and a giggle from Patton.
“And i'll fight anyone who wants to say those things to you!” Roman declares.
Logan smiles, “How about we all wear our fancy feminine clothes together? We’ll all look nice and we’ll be supporting each other in that.”
Roman groans, “I have to wear this because i'm doing the show all day today, could we maybe do that tomorrow?”
“I'd be fine with that.” Logan affirms.
Virgil looks at Paton’s head under his hoodie, “Of course, only if you want to Patton.”
Patton looks up a bit, “Oh, you... you guys don't have to do that for me.”
“We want to Padre,” Roman says with his trademarked smile, “We want to support you!”
Patton frowns, “But they'll tease you too.”
Roman scoffs, “Honestly, damn those kids. I'm looking fabulous tomorrow! The only reason they’d be rude is because I look better in a skirt than they do.”
Patton smiles, “Well, I mean I can't stop you guys.”
Logan smiles “Exactly, now let’s eat and finish getting ready or we’re gonna be late to first class.”
The next day Patton wakes up and looks at the outfit he chose last night, smiling to think of his roommates doing the same. His outfit was a black knee length 50s style poofy dress covered in white polka dots. He had a clip with a red flower on it chosen for his hair, paired with his red converse. Patton gets dressed, fixes his hair, and puts on some makeup to finish the look. Just some mascara, eyeshadow, and lipstick, but it is enough. He looks great and he feels great too. Patton gives himself a wink before putting the makeup away.
Patton smiles walking down to the living room for breakfast feeling good about himself. He stops as he reaches the bottom of the stairs and sees Virgil sitting on the table eating toast. Virgil is wearing a floor length black evening gown. It has intricate patterns sewn into the fabric in a black thread just slightly different from the fabric making it subtle but strikingly beautiful. Virgil even has a string of pearls around his neck and his hair done up nice.
Virgil catches Patton staring, “You think it’s too much?”
Patton shakes his head, “I just didn't realise we were dressing up so nice. I might have to change.”
Logan comes out from the kitchen, he is wearing a button up fancy white shirt with a knee length skirt. He hands a plate of toaster strudel and strawberries to Patton, “Oh you don't have to dress fancy to look amazing. You already look fantastic.”
Patton blushes, “Thanks Logan, you look pretty great yourself. I didn't know you owned that skirt.”
Logan looks down at poofy galaxy skirt, “Yeah, this is my first time wearing it. I have been waiting for the right occasion.”
“Well, I think you chose well.” Patton says with a smile, “Where’s Roman? Is he still getting ready?”
Virgil nods, “He came into my room early this morning insisting on doing my hair. He had already done his own and he basically stole all my makeup when he left, claiming he didn't have what he needed in his own room. I think he just likes that I have so many eyeshadow colors.”
Patton laughs shaking his head, “Our local drama queen.”
“You called!!!” Roman shouts.
They all look up to the top of the stairs where Roman is standing in the dark.
“I am the ultimate gay theatre prince and drama king! And now everyone can tell!” Roman announces.
Roman descends the stairs, one hand on the banister, the other up in his usual dashing pose. As he comes into view the others can only stare.
Roman is wearing a floor length ball gown with a cape. The cape is long, black, and made of silk. The hood has white lacing around the edges, a stark contrast to the dress. To call the dress pretty is an understatement, it is enchantingly beautiful. The skirt looks like a galaxy of rainbows, swirled bright colors falling from his waist, dotted with small white gemstones and sequins. The top of the dress is completely covered in those sparkly white specks.
Virgil smiles, “Wow, Roman. You look stunning. Literally, I am stunned. I might be blinded..”
Roman smiles and adjusts his hair, which Patton now realises is holding a tiara.
“Roman you look like a beautiful prince if ever I saw one!” Patton says with a smile.
“Hopefully the gayest prince you ever saw too!” He laughs.
“That just goes without saying.” Logan admits.
Patton notices that Roman has on rainbow highlighter and he has put on pure white and sparkly eyeshadow to match his dress. He even has rainbow freckles covering his face. Patton has no idea how he managed to do it. He imagines that that must’ve been why he needed Virgil’s makeup.
Roman laughs and travels the last few steps to land in front of Virgil, “Here, as promised,” He says giving his cape to Virgil, “a hood to hide in, though you look so good I don't know why you would want to hide.”
Virgil sets his plate down on the table and hooks the cape around his neck, “I like walking around looking beautiful and terrifying, but mostly terrifying.”
Roman rolls his eyes, “My emo nightmare, you are the midnight sky to my shimmering star.”
Virgil smirks, “In the background, unnoticed, only there to strike fear and make others look better?”
Roman smiles, taking Virgil’s hand, “You ignite wonder and curiosity in people’s hearts. The unknown is a bit scary, yes, but your beauty is something people marvel at, something they long to understand and achieve. You are noticed more than you think. You see yourself as the background, but others see you as their context for existing, and that is truly wonderful.”
“If you two are done flirting we need to leave in ten minutes and fifteen seconds, so i'd consider eating something.” Logan reminds them as he grabs Virgil’s empty plate and heads back to the kitchen. Roman grumbles but follows him to grab his breakfast.
Patton’s smile falters, “Oh yeah, I forgot about the actually going to school part.”
“Hey, no, you don't get to be nervous, that’s my job.” Virgil jokes.
“I don't look half as good as the rest of you guys though. You all look so amazing, how could I compare?” Patton says with a frown.
Roman runs in, shoving the last half of a waffle in his mouth. He grabs Patton by the hand and pulls him up the stairs. The next thing Patton knows he’s on his bed and Roman is digging through his closet.
Patton gives him a look, “Ro? What are you-?”
“I will not have you feeling bad about yourself today.” He insists. “AHA!” He spins around a dress in his hands, “I didn't know you owned this! You should wear it! If you want to, of course.”
Patton goes pale, “I... I never actually intended to wear it, I just.... I don't know.”
Roman raises a skeptical eyebrow at Patton, “You would look better in this than any of us in our outfits.”
“... Really?” Patton asks hesitant.
Roman nods, “You should try it on.”
Patton slowly takes the dress from Roman.
“I'll be in the hall. Come out when you’re ready, and know it doesn't matter to me what you wear. I just want you to feel radiant today.”
Patton smiles at him and looks down at the dress in his hands. He has a decision to make.
Logan joins Roman in the hall, “What did you do?”
Roman smiles, “I gave him an option. The dress he already had on, or one he hasn't worn before. I'm letting him decide.”
“I see. That does sound like a good choice. He did seem to like our outfits more than his own.” Logan acknowledges with a nod
The door opens a crack, “Logan, is that you?”
“Yes Patton.”
“How much time do I have?” Patton asks.
“Five minutes.”
They hear a shaky breath come from behind the door, “I feel amazing right now, but I feel like i’ll regret my choice as soon as I leave.”
Virgil speaks up from where he had hidden in the shadows, “We aren't judging you Patt. And trust me, I don't think anyone at school will either.”
The door swings open.
“Oh my dear sweet Crofters, you are radiant.” Logan mumbles.
“You like it that much?” Patton asks, a blush creeping up his face.
Roman laughs, “Patton, even i'm jealous of how good you look in that dress!”
Virgil smirks, “You should be Roman, he looks better than you do.”
Patton blushes harder and looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his door. He admires the long dress. He thinks he looks like an elf from the Lord of the Rings. The dress is a dark forest green. The hems are adorned with silver embroidery, the sleeves are long and flowy. He is wearing a pair of small brown boots. And his hair is half up, pinned back by a clip of the star of Lothlorien.
Virgil smirks seeing the way Logan is staring at Patton. He swears they better admit their feelings soon or he’s gonna explode. He rolls his eyes, “Grab your bag and let’s go, or we’re gonna be late.”
Somehow they manage to get to school on time. Everything seems fine, they all have ensured they have everything and are ready for class. But as they pull up Patton freaks out.
“I can't do this, I wanna go back home!” He admits, his grip on his backpack tightening.
Roman turns around and frowns, “I would much rather you stay, but I’ll let you decide. Let me make a phone call while you three talk this through. I’ll be just outside.” He climbs out of the car and leans back against his door pulling out his phone.
Logan turns around from his place in the driver's seat to see Patton who was sitting behind him. “I thought you were feeling confident and beautiful? What happened?”
Patton squeezes his eyes shut, “Oh... uh, nothing really, I just realised that the people who were mean to me in the shop go here. I kinda saw them walk in the front gate just now. I don't want to have to face them again.”
Virgil frowns, “You want a hug Patton?”
Patton nods and Virgil holds him tight, “You don't have to face them alone. They won't hurt you. We will all be right here with you, and besides, you have lots of friends here who support you. You’re never as alone as you think you are.”
Patton smiles and gives Virgil a big squeeze before pulling away. He wipes his tears and looks up at Virgil, “Is my makeup smudged now?”
Virgil shakes his head “No, I think Roman put some fancy waterproof setting spray on you.”
“Oh. Was that the nice smelling thing he sprayed on my face as we were walking out the door?” Patton asks
Virgil snorts, “Yup, that would be it.”
Logan smiles proudly, “Yes Patton, like Virgil said, it won't just be us supporting you. Look who we convinced to join us in dressing up.”
Patton looks out the window past Virgil and sees a crowd of people coming out the front of the school gates. A bunch of guys are wearing clothing ranging from mini skirts to sun dresses to ballgowns.
Patton gasps as he sees who it is. There are guys from theatre, the debate team, several of the sports teams, the D&D club, and the art classes. All of Patton’s friends are in the crowd. He smiles so wide he feels his face might split open. Patton laughs, grabbing his bag and dashing around the car to Roman’s side.
“You still afraid to go in?” Roman asks as he sees Patton round the car, an amazed smile on his face.
“No, not at all.” Patton admits.
Logan and Virgil get out of the car and join them, waiting for the crowd to arrive.
“How did you do this?” Patton asks wonder in his voice.
“Well, Logan gave me the debate guy’s numbers, Virgil texted his D&D group, and we all texted all our friends, but for the record it was my idea.”
“Group hug!!!” Patton yells, squeezing them all tightly. “Thank-”
“Don't thank us. We are just being good friends.” Virgil says softly.
“You would do the same for us, and you deserve to get just as much love as you give.” Logan insists, smiling wide despite not really being one for hugs.
“Yeah, we didn't do much ourselves. We just rallied people who love you to support you in this so we can show you just how much you’re loved.” Roman adds with a smile.
Patton is crying what he will later deem the happiest tears he has ever shed. But that doesn't matter because right now he is surrounded by some of the best, most supportive friends in the world and he could not ask for more.
Bonus scene:
When the friends get over to them, they break up the hug. Patton compliments and hugs everyone who will let him. He laughs at the drama kids who strike obnoxious poses and compliments the debate team on their color coordinated outfits. He beams when the D&D team compliments his dress, saying it looks good enough to be in a fantasy movie. Patton rolls his eyes at Remmy in his mini skirt and crop top when he says he is the hottest of all of them. He ends up back at Logan. He looks so proud that they were able to do this for him.
“Can I give you a hug, Logan” Patton asks.
Logan smiles, “Sure, Patton.”
Patton wraps Logan in a tight hug, face buried in Logan’s neck. He pulls back after a second, just enough to look Logan in the face. Logan is smiling and Patton is so overwhelmed with joy. He leans in and presses a small kiss to Logan’s lips.
Logan blushes, a small smile creeping onto his lips, “Patton...”
“Yes, Logan?”
“Kiss me again?” Logan asks and Patton can't help but oblige. He leans in and kisses him again, longer this time. They both are smiley and giggly messes, but they don't care.
Next thing they know they hear Roman whooping at them, and Virgil muttering something about them being so oblivious and finally figuring it out.
They break apart and Patton gives Virgil a look, but his laughter makes it ineffective. Logan is blushing and hiding his face in his hands. Patton pulls them away from his face and plants a kiss on Logan’s forehead. They walk inside holding hands, feeling happier and more confident in themselves than ever.