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Dick smiled softly as he walked into the living room from the kitchen to find Jason sitting on the floor with Thomas, Catherine, and Mary, hands flying as he told them some wild story.
“And then !” he said, leaning forward with a gleam in his eyes, causing the children to giggle loudly. “We slayed the monster!”
Dick chuckled softly as his kids squealed in delight, watching as they begged Jason for more. It was only as Dick watched and listened that he took note of the missing weight from Jason’s shoulders.
He took note of the way Jason's eyes and smile lit up in an almost childish manner. He looked carefree and innocent. Like not even the weight of the world could hold him down.
Dick had never seen that look on his face before. His smile began to fall as he continued to watch his family, mind drifting to dark places.
“Dick?” Jason asked, glancing up at the Omega and still smiling. “You alright?”
Dick gave him a strained smile. “Fine,” Dick replied. “Keep playing. You guys are cute.”
“Papa never plays on the floor with us,” Thomas declared. “Daddy, are you gonna play?”
“Not right now,” Dick replied, forcing himself to his feet. “Daddy wants to go paint the nursery for a bit.”
“Oh here, let me help,” Jason requested as he got to his feet too. “I can put a movie in for them-”
“No, stay and play with them,” Dick said, holding up a hand and hoping Jason didn’t press. “Really. You rarely ever do and they’re enjoying the attention. Spend some more times with your kids, Jay.”
He doesn’t give Jason a chance to argue before he slips into the nursery and closes the door behind himself with a soft click, walking a few steps forward before sinking down in the middle of the carpet with a soft sigh.
He’d never thought much of it. Had never had time. Jason had died then he’d had Thomas. Then Jason had come back and they’d fought and the road to getting back together had been hell, but…
Jason had been twelve. Twelve when Dick practically forced this family onto him.
Tears blur Dick’s vision and he angrily blinked them away. Jason was thirteen when he found out he was going to be a father. He...kids weren't supposed to be worrying about that when they were thirteen, barely presented.
They were supposed to be outside playing and laughing and having fun. No family bullshit. They weren’t supposed to have to come home to a tired mate and happy baby and resume too many responsibilities that not even some adults could handle.
And even worse...oh god, even worse Dick had taken Jason in his first rut. God, how could he? What kind of person was he to-
“Hey, shh, easy Dickie breath!”
Dick gasped loudly, gazing up through tear blurred vision to find Jason kneeling in front of him, the Alpha gently holding Dick’s face between his hands.
He could snap my neck. Dick thought deliriously as he started to cry. If he’s angry enough for what I did, he could just kill me and tell the kids I fell.
“I’m sorry,” he sobbed out instead, letting Jason pull him in as the Alpha slowly sat down next to him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”
“Shh, shh,” Jason soothed, running his hand through Dick’s hair as he began to slowly rock the distressed Omega. “Shh, it’s okay.”
“But it’s not ,” Dick insisted. “This is all my fault!”
“What is?” Jason asked softly.
“Did you ever even want this?” Dick whimpered. “Did you ever even want kids or a family or...or me?” he choked on the word. “I forced it on you.”
“Okay, no, Dickie,” Jason murmured, gently easing Dick up and taking the acrobat’s chin between his fingers so the two were looking at each other. “Can I explain?”
Dick bit his lip, nodding. Jason gave him a soft, gentle smile that had Dick wanting to burst into tears all over again over how innocent, childlike, and trusting it was.
“Dick, I died before our son was even born,” Jason began softly as he continued to stroke his fingers over Dick’s cheek. He sighed softly. “If I never wanted this, this family, I wouldn’t have come back.”
“B-but you only c-came back-”
“Because I love you,” Jason soothed. “I always have, Dick.” he gave a weak laugh. “I might have been in rut for the first time but having you in bed with me was…” his face flushed. “I’d always had a crush on you. Used to dream about having a family with you.”
“Not so soon though,” Dick mumbled.
“No, I’ll admit it happened a lot sooner than I’d imagined,” Jason agreed with a gentle smile. “But I wouldn’t have traded any of this for the world.”
He leaned forward to press their foreheads together. “I’ve been a pretty bad parent from the start. Running off and dying when you were expecting our first. Fighting and cheating when we were expecting babies two and three.”
He placed a gentle hand on Dick’s belly. “But now baby four is on the way and I swear to you, Dick, I will not run from this.”
“You really want this?” Dick whispered, tears dripping down his face again. “And me?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jason replied, pressing a soft kiss to Dick’s lips. “I love you.”
Dick’s bottom lip wobbled as he shoved himself into Jason’s chest, burying his face against the Alpha’s scent mark and gripping him close.
“I love you too.”