Chapter Text
“I’m exhausted!” you whined the moment you opened the front door. “I swear, if you ask me to do one thing tonight, I may have to murder you Haley!”
Laughter rang out from the den, and you followed its sound to find your best friend lounging on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a movie on. “You’re always exhausted… I know better by now.” Haley moved the popcorn and sat up on the couch, patting the spot beside her. “Want some popcorn, friend?”
You shook your head and sat down with an audible grunt. “These people wear me out. I miss being a private masseuse for the rich and famous.”
“Oh yeah, cause that worked out soooo well for you last time!” she said, giving you her best sarcastic smile.
“If I had the energy, I would so punch you right now. Is there any real food in the fridge? Or are you just eating popcorn for dinner?”
“Nah, this is just a snack. Going out in a bit to meet up with Mr. Hottie. Wanna join us? Might be good for you to get out a little bit.”
“I appreciate the invitation but no, I don’t wanna be the third wheel while you two suck face over a bowl of queso.”
“Hey, that was ONE time!”
That made you laugh and despite the overwhelming exhaustion, improved your mood. “Seriously, I do appreciate it, but all I want right now is to heat up something to eat, take a hot shower, and go pass out.”
“Fair enough. There are some leftovers in the fridge I can heat up for you. I gotta go get dressed anyway.” Haley got up from the couch and handed the remote to you. “Just promise me you’ll eat it and go to bed… NOT pass out on the couch again.”
“Yes, mom.”
Haley nodded in satisfaction and went to leave, but quickly turned around when she remembered the strange phone calls. “Oh! Forgot to tell you, some weird phone calls came into the houseline today. I barely ever answer the damn thing, but thought it may be my mom. She sometimes forgets about cell phones. Anyway, they asked for you, and remembering what you told me about your time in Austin, I said, Who?, and they hung up. It rang again, and same thing. Just FYI, I know you’re trying to lay low, stay under the radar, but maybe don’t answer the landline if you wanna stay that way.”
You sat up straighter on the couch and could feel the worry drape over you. “Was it him?”
Haley shook her head. “Don’t think so, this guy sounded super old, and kinda authoritative, ya know? But still, don’t take any chances.”
“Ok, I appreciate that, thanks babes. Now go get ready for your big date with Mr. Hottie. And don’t forget to throw that leftover chicken in the microwave!”
“Yes ma’am…” Haley lingered for a moment, and knew it was a touchy subject, but had to say what was on her mind. “Y/N… I know how you feel about it all. I know what you’ve decided, but maybe you should reach out to him. He’s gotta be worried sick about you… and from what you told me, he loved you.”
You stared blankly at the movie on the screen, and couldn’t bring yourself to look her in the eye. She wasn’t wrong, but it had only been a few months since you left the Ackles’ house. Three months didn’t feel like a safe distance of time to even think about reaching out to Jensen. Besides, what would you tell him? You ran away because you were angry? Scared? That you left him and his three kids because you were jealous that Dee’s indiscretion ruined what you all had? It was the truth, but now somewhat removed, you felt a little foolish for reacting so harshly.
“I know, Haley, but I just can’t. Not yet.”
“Ok, and you have every right to feel that way. I’m just thinking out loud here… communication goes a long way. And for that beautiful man to declare his love for you must mean something.”
“Yeah…” was all you could say. When you didn’t look up at her, she took that as her cue.
“Alright babes, chicken in the nuker for 2 minutes… going up to change. Love you!”
“Love you too, friend.”
An hour later, you forced yourself off the couch and got in a shower, put on fresh pajamas and found something good to watch on television. The food Haley had heated up before she left hadn’t been enough and your stomach began to yell at you for something more. A strong craving for pizza hit you like a ton of bricks, and that’s all you could think of. There was only one good pizza place in all of her small Iowa town, so you got up and dug through the junk drawer to find the menu.
Once in hand, you called and ordered a large plain pizza, an order of garlic knots and a slice of New York Style cheesecake. After hanging up with them, you went to the fridge and took out a bottle of sparkling water and made your way back to the den.
Living with Haley the last few months had been just what you needed. She was your oldest friend in the world, and one that even Jensen knew very little about. When you left Austin, you knew that Haley would take you in and help you figure out what to do. And that’s exactly what she did. She had two spare bedrooms, and happily gave you one, telling you that you could stay as long as you had liked. The first few days or so you were nothing but a sobbing mess. She sat with you, listened as you spilled the details from beginning to end about Jensen, Dee, the kids… all of it. She was the friend you could tell everything to; including the mind blowing sexual experiences you had with Jensen, and Jensen and Dee, and the unborn child growing in your belly.
On the fourth day, she came into your bedroom, and pulled you out of bed, demanding you pick yourself up, go to the doctor to make sure you were really pregnant and how far along. An appointment with Planned Parenthood told you that you were definitely pregnant and at about eight weeks. You asked about an abortion, and while they did talk you through the process, you left telling them you needed to think about it. They encouraged you to decide quickly, because you were on the cusp of not being able to have one performed at all. Finally a few days later, you made your decision of what to do.
Over the next couple weeks, you found yourself a job at a Hands and Stone Massage shop, which paid more than you would have thought. You were able to buy yourself a car, and even put a little money into savings. Living with Haley was great, but eventually you wanted to have a place of your own. Every day you thought about Jensen, and half those days you had picked up the phone to call him, though always ended up just putting down your cell and not dialing it. Life eventually began to even out, and you felt the down, depressed days starting to fade. Your love for Jensen never waivered, but you had made a choice to leave, and felt like you needed to stick by it.
Before you knew it, thirty minutes had flown by and there was a knock at the door. Remembering your pizza order, you jumped up, grabbed your purse and went running to the door.
“Hey!” you said, greeting the delivery guy with a big smile. “Here ya go.” You handed him the money for the order and greedily took the boxes from him. He stood there for a minute after looking at the cash you gave him, shrugged, then walked away.
The second the door closed you realized you forgot to include his tip. Placing the boxes down on the entry table, you picked up your purse again and quickly rifled through the bottom, looking for that five dollar bill you knew was down there. When you pulled it up from the depths of the purse, along with it came a piece of paper stuck to it. Not taking the time to look at the paper, you pulled it off and kept it in your other hand while opening the door and calling out for him to come back.
“Hey! I forgot your tip!”
“No problem,” the young guy said as he turned and came back to the porch.
You handed him the money and smiled apologetically. “Sorry, it’s been a long day. Hope you have a good rest of your night.”
He nodded in thanks and went back to his car as you closed the door. Finally noticing you still had the stray piece of paper in hand, you stopped in your tracks when you realized what it was. It was the note Jensen had written you the morning he left with the kids. Your throat got very dry, and all of a sudden your excitement for the pizza had gone. Just as you were about to unfold it and finally read what he had written, there was another knock at the door.
Still in shock of having the long forgotten note in your purse, you absentmindedly opened the front door, then looked up and half expecting to see the pizza guy standing there. Unfortunately, your late night caller wasn’t the pizza guy.
“Hey, stranger,” Danneel said, smiling when she saw you realize it was her standing there. “It’s been a while.”
“I–how… How did you find me?” You could only imagine how ridiculous you looked at that moment; wet hair tied up off your neck, some old, worn out pajamas and big ole fuzzy slippers on your feet, and most likely a very stupid look on your face.
“May I come in?” Danneel asked, but didn’t wait for approval. She stepped into the house, her hands shoved in the pockets of her fashionable coat. She always looked pristine no matter what the occasion.
“Um, sure.” You moved aside when she came in, afraid of what was to come next.
“Smells good, what did you order?” She nodded towards the delivery you just received.
“Pizza.”
“Yummy. Grab it, and some plates. I’ll have some with you if you don’t mind. I’m starving.”
“Uhhh, wait. What the hell are you doing here Danneel?”
She ignored your question, took off her coat and moved further into the house. “This is a beautiful home. Yours?” She spun around to look at you, and you shook your head. “Oh, right, it’s your friend Haley’s right?”
“How did you know that?”
“Baby, come on. Like I haven’t known where you were from the minute you moved in.” Her arrogance was starting to annoy you; long gone were the days you found it sexy and alluring.
“You followed me? But you’ve been in Greece…”
“Yes, I was. Now I’m home.” She went to the table, grabbed the food and moved towards the kitchen. “Come on, let’s eat and have a chat, okay?”
You knew Danneel well enough that when she had a point to make, she wasn’t going to budge until she made it. Resigning yourself to hearing her out, you followed her into the kitchen. Without a word, you grabbed a couple paper plates and two bottles of water from the refrigerator. You took the pizza box and bag of food from her and nodded for her to follow you into the den.
You took your usual spot on the couch, and she opted for the recliner that sat adjacent. You put a piece of pizza on a plate and handed it to her along with a bottle of water.
“So, since when did you get into the stalking business? I thought actresses made more than enough money.”
“Oh, Y/N, how I’ve missed your sarcastic wit. No, I haven’t been stalking you. But, I did hire a P.I. to find you as soon as I heard you walked out on Jensen and the children.”
Ouch… and the children, that stung worse than you thought it would. But she wasn’t wrong, that’s exactly what you had done.
“Are they okay? The kids… are they doing okay?”
“Yes… and no. JJ loves school, but she misses you being there to do her hair in the mornings. She’s always complaining Rita can’t get her braids just right. Zep asks for you just about every day. And Arrow, well, you know her, she’s just a cute little hurricane running around causing a mess wherever she lands.”
You nodded, tried to force a smile, but it wasn’t possible. Your heart hurt hearing about the kids, and knowing that Jensen would come up next, made it that much more painful. “And, Jensen?”
“Well now, that man of ours is a whole different story.” Dee stopped and took a delicate bite of her pizza. “He’s doing his thing, traveling back and forth from Vancouver, getting home any chance he can to see the kids. I swear every time he walks into the house, he still expects you to be there. I’ve never seen him so let down.”
“I don’t know what to say…”
“You could start on why you left. Your note wasn’t exactly forthcoming.”
“I don’t know where to begin.”
“Ok, well, what do you know then? What can you tell me? Can you at least tell me if you’re still pregnant? Or did you terminate the pregnancy?”
Shocked that she knew about your pregnancy, your head snapped up and stared at her with wide eyes. “How…”
“You really must have gone off grid when you left. Apparently paparattzi caught you leaving Planned Parenthood a few months ago. Also, and I never told Jensen this, but Rita confided in me that she found a bunch of pregnancy tests in your bathroom.”
Feeling incredibly stupid for leaving those behind, you closed your eyes and leaned back against the couch.
“Nevermind, you don’t need to answer. I can clearly see that yes, you are pregnant.” She used her chin to nod towards your belly. “I’m glad you chose to keep it.”
Your arms wrapped around your stomach, which was now showing just enough that you couldn’t deny her observation. A little flutter of movement radiated from your belly, and it made you sit up in surprise. You had only recently started feeling the baby move, and it was a feeling that you didn’t think you would ever really get used to.
“Feels strange, doesn’t it? Like your body isn’t your own anymore.” Dee was being uncharacteristically sweet, and understanding; which made you incredibly leary of why she was really there.
“Are you going to tell Jensen?”
“Baby, he already knows. He saw the TMZ story, I didn’t have to tell him, though I may have guided him to the story itself. But he doesn’t know if you kept it or not. I know he told you about my dalliance with Maurice, but you had already left when I told him I had had an abortion.”
“Oh,” you replied, feeling sad for her and Jensen both.
“It was a giant mess, and trust me, Jensen and I are still not okay. We are working on being good parents and just getting through day by day.”
“Does he know where I am?” you asked in a tone just above a whisper.
“No. I wanted to make sure I found you first.” Dee leaned forward and put her plate on top of the pizza box. “Look, I did not track you down to threaten or blackmail you. Despite what you must think of me, I care for you. What’s more, my children care for you, and so does my husband. In fact, he cares for you so much that just knowing where you were would give him a lot of comfort. He won’t admit it, but you leaving, nearly broke him.”
You snorted a laugh. “I doubt that.”
“Did you ever read his note? The one he left for you the day he went to his parent’s house? He told me what he wrote there, and honestly, I can’t imagine you could read that and still leave him.”
“I, uh, I haven’t read it. Funny enough, I had thrown it in my purse that day and forgot about it. I just found it tonight when I was looking for money to tip the delivery guy.”
“That makes sense then. I highly suggest you read it. Not with me here, of course, that would be weird,” she let out a nervous laugh, and for the first time you could see that her confident and poised demeanor was starting to crack. “But please read it. He deserves to know you’re carrying his child, Y/N. If you don’t do anything else, please at least let him know you are both okay.”
You desperately searched for words to respond to her, but nothing came out. Only a sharp sting of tears hit your eyes and quickly barreled down your cheeks. You missed him terribly, and wanted to reach out so badly. The fear of his reaction is what mostly kept you away, but now sitting across from Danneel, and having that part of your life brought back up, you felt every part of yourself ache for Jensen. It was like a part of you had been missing for months, and now was an opportunity to possibly get it back.
“Whatever your real reasons were for leaving, I am asking you to reconsider them.”
“How? How could I go back there to that house and face him? Face the kids? It would all break down and be the same thing. The awkwardness was too much, Dee. Seeing you and Jensen drift so far apart, knowing it was because of me!” The tears were falling faster now, and you could feel all the months of anguish rising to the surface and spilling over the edge. “It killed me to leave. Not to mention how he left me after finding out what YOU did! Why would I want to go back to that?!”
“Yes, that’s it baby, let it out.”
“Don’t call me baby! You never really loved me. I don’t know what the fuck you felt or thought I was! A nanny for your kids that you could play with or was I just a plaything for Jensen when you didn’t want to be bothered?! Why the FUCK did you invite me into your lives anyway?!”
All the emotion you had pushed down bubbled up, propelling you to stand up from the couch, and start pacing the room. Wringing your hands through your hair, letting the tears fall freely and letting the words out that you’d kept inside for so long… Dee just sat there and watched you.
“You are one hell of a woman, Y/N. I knew that from the moment I met you. I also knew that Jensen would find you just as remarkable. To be perfectly honest, when I met you, Jensen and I weren’t in a good place in our marriage. So yes, I thought you would be something we could have fun with, and maybe it would bring us closer together, but I was very wrong.”
“Yeah, instead I tore your family apart!”
“No… I did that. You kept my husband and my children happy as I drifted away from them.” Danneel also stood up from the chair and came to stand right in front of you. She reached out and took your hands into hers. “Take a deep breath, then look me in the eyes…”
You did as she asked, and used each shoulder to wipe the stray tears lingering on your cheeks.
“Ok, good. Now I want you to listen to me very closely… I love Jensen with all of my heart. He is not just one of the best guys on Earth, he IS the best guy. He is loving, protective, fiercely loyal, an amazing father, ridiculously sexy, talented, funny… you know all of this. As a husband, he tried his best, and it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t everything that I wanted. I didn’t even realize that until recently. I should have handled things with him better, but I saw him growing in love with you, and I thought that would be enough to make it okay that I wanted to leave.”
The truth that Danneel was admitting to you was as much of a shock, as her showing up at your door was. You had come to know her quite well, and the Danneel of six months ago would have never been so open, honest and vulnerable with you.
“Y/N, I wasn’t a great wife to Jensen, and I am working on being the best mother I can be to my children. I want to be better for everyone I love. I am here because he loves you. He loves you more than I thought he had the capacity to love a woman. I’ve been there to witness some of your intimate moments with him, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone, kiss anyone… not even me, the way he looks at and kisses you. When I saw it, and saw the expression on his face after, I realized that I wanted that for myself. A man to look at me, the way Jensen looked at you. He did the best he could to hide it for a long time, play the games you two would play. He tried so damn hard to keep you at arm’s length…”
Dee’s amber eyes began to fill with tears as well, and at that moment, your heart broke for her.
“Dee, I don’t know what to say. It’s all so complicated. I fell for you because you were fun and flirty, sexy as hell. Then you brought Jensen into it. I never, ever meant to fall for him. I never intended on moving in on your life and causing trouble.”
“I know that. I have no hard feelings towards you where that’s concerned. My issue with you right now is that you left my husband and children heartbroken.”
“It killed me to leave, but I was angry and hurt…”
“And hormonal. Babies will do that to you,” she said and let go of one of your hands to place hers on your belly. The baby must have felt it too, because you felt it move, as did she. That shared moment made you both smile and suddenly the tension was gone. “You do see the irony in all this, right? Just a few months ago it was you, pleading with me to tell him about a pregnancy. Now here I am doing the same thing to you.”
“I wanted to tell you both about the baby. When I first found out, I was so happy. Then, everything went to shit and I didn’t know what to do. Yes, I am sure hormones played a part, but I know I didn’t react in an appropriate way. I just… I didn’t know what to do.”
“I can understand that, but now you’ve had some time to figure it out, work through it all. It’s time Jensen knows he’s going to be a father again. I don’t know what that means for the two of you, that you’ll have to work out for yourselves.”
“There’s nothing to work out, Dee. I don’t want to be his mistress or girlfriend. I want him. That’s not possible because he is YOUR husband.”
Danneel stood quietly, contemplating her response. “I understand.”
Without another word, she walked through the den and back out to the foyer. She picked up her coat and put it on. She reached into the inside pocket and pulled out a manilla envelope that was well padded with whatever its contents were. As she handed it to you, she grabbed your hand and held it tightly.
“Y/N, if you don’t tell him, I will. It’s that simple. I’ve done a lot wrong in my marriage. But I won’t let this go. I will do right by Jensen now. He deserves to know.”
“What is this?” you asked, ignoring her ultimatum and examining the envelope.
“Open it when I leave and make sure to read that note you found. Then, maybe you’ll know what the right thing to do is.” She let go of her hand and opened the front door to leave. Of course, she couldn’t just go, she had to turn around one more time and leave you with her words of wisdom. “Keep this in mind, too… if two souls are meant to be together, no matter how long it takes, how far they go, how tough it seems, fate will bring them together to share their love forever.”
Having said her peace, Danneel walked out the front door and towards a car already running and waiting for her. You stood there frozen, not sure what to do, say, feel or think. Danneel had showed up and tore through your world, again, just like a tornado. Instead of leaving destruction in her path, she left you unsure and downright speechless.
All thoughts of your pizza had left your head; given what had just happened, the thought left your stomach, too. Without realizing it, you picked up Jensen’s note and ended up back in the den. The muted TV’s light suddenly felt annoying, so you grabbed the remote and shut it off, then picked up the envelope she had given you. One quick look inside and you understood what she meant by knowing what the right thing to do was. Contained inside were Jensen and Danneel’s signed divorce papers. What was even more telling was seeing it was Jensen who had signed the petition for divorce. You placed it down beside you and unfolded the note Jensen had left you all those months ago.
Hey Baby,
I’m so sorry about last night. Learning what Dee had done just hit me and I didn’t know how to react. I was beyond angry and wanted to lash out. After I smashed the glass I realized that I could have hurt you, and that broke me a little bit more. Regardless of what happens with Dee, you and I are what I want. I can’t say things will be easy or go back to what they were, but no matter what, we will be okay. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. I do. Hell, I want to wake you up to pack a bag and drag you with me to my parent’s house, but they just aren’t ready for all that yet. They are pretty old school when it comes to relationships, and right now I just can’t deal with their judgment or advice. I’ll be back in a week and we can figure everything out. I peeked in on you and could see you were sleeping, I hated to wake you. But I made sure you were covered up and left a kiss on your forehead. Hopefully that will hold you over until I get back. I’ll call you tonight when we get there, please make sure to eat and sleep and not work yourself to the bone.
Love always,
J.
Another wave of sobs crashed upon your cheeks after reading his words, and you screamed into the depths of the empty house knowing that if you had just read it that day, things would not be as awful as they seem now.
After the guttural scream and hardy cry had subsided, you just wanted to sleep. Forgetting about the pizza you had wanted so badly, you left the den with Jensen’s note and envelope of divorce papers, then walked up the steps to your bedroom. Without even turning on the light, you fell into your bed and slept until the next morning.
“Well, well, don’t you look like death mourned over. What happened last night? It’s like you had a pizza party and no one came,” Haley said when you walked into the kitchen the following morning. Once she saw how puffy your eyes were and how worn out you looked overall, she grew concerned. “Ok, all joking aside, are you okay? What did I miss?”
“Danneel showed up here last night,” you replied flatly, and tossed the now crumpled note and envelope on the table. You nodded for her to open them and see for herself.
Haley opened the envelope first, then as she read the note, her eyes grew wider with each passing line. When she finished, she sat back in her chair and blew a long breath of air from her lips.
“Holy shit.”
“Uh huh.” You sat across the table from her, and poured a glass of OJ that she had left out on the table. “So, that’s why I look like roadkill, FYI. He’s divorcing her. And that note? That’s the note he left me the day he went to his parent’s house. I never read it. Hell, I shoved it to the bottom of my bag then forgot about it. Found it about two seconds before she knocked on the door.”
“How did she even find you?”
“Private investigator. Oh, and clearly she knows I’m pregnant. So, there’s that.”
“Shit man, is she going to tell him?”
“She said if I didn’t she would, yeah.”
Haley started, and stopped her next few words several times before finally knowing what to say. “I know it’s not what you wanted, but he does deserve to know, babes.”
“I know, you’re right. I feel like such a fool. What should I do? Fly up to Vancouver and surprise him on set? Show up in Austin, hoping he’s there and get the kids all worked up?”
“You could call him. Just unblock his number…”
“I can’t do this over the phone. I am going to have to face him, and I just don’t know if I am ready for that, Haley. What if I see him, and just break down? What if he hates me? What if–”
“Oh for fucks sake, WHAT IF he runs to you in sheer JOY because you got the fuck over yourself and went back to him!?”
You couldn’t help but laugh. “See I can always count on your support.”
“Girl, you know you can. But in this case, I gotta say, you fucked up. You need to own it and go back to that gorgeous hunk of man to make things right.”
“Ugghhhh, I hate it when you make sense.”
“You must hate me all the time then,” Haley joked and winked at you. “Seriously though, you have to…”
“I know, and I will. Just give me a couple days to get myself together. Process all of this and figure out what I want to say.” You looked over at the clock on the stove and realized you were very late for work. “Fuck, I gotta go to work… we can talk more about this later. Also, I need details about last night!”
Haley nodded, “Yes, yes… all that and more later. Go to work. What time are you off tonight?”
“Early, fiveish I think. Why?”
“Ok, well, when you get home I think we should go out. Let’s go get dinner. You can drive, and I will drink for you and me, because I think this warrants at least several shots of Jameson.”
“Ok, weirdo,” you laughed and before you went upstairs to get ready for work, you went and hugged your friend. “Hey Haley, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For just being you and doing what is best for me even when I don’t want to hear it.”
Haley hugged you back, then watched you go back upstairs to get dressed. She looked down at the table and absently used her finger nails to pick at the manilla envelope. She hated seeing her best friend in such turmoil and knew that she was going to do just what you had said she did… She was going to make a move that she thought was best for you.
That day at work flew by in record fashion and despite all the drama and tears from the night before, you found yourself with an unusual amount of energy. It made you excited for a night out with your best friend. Once you got home, you took a quick shower, picked out your best outfit that fit over your still slight, but growing belly, and even put on some makeup. It was the first time since leaving Austin that you took the time to go all out on the beauty products, and when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you felt more like you than you had in forever.
Even Haley complimented you on the effort and said she was proud of you for handling it the way you were, instead of just going to your room and wallowing. The two of you left for the local Italian restaurant, excited to get some good food, and have some good conversation. It was going to be hard to go to Jensen and admit how wrong you were for leaving, but it was necessary. He did deserve to know about the baby, and regardless of what came after, it was the least of what you needed to do.
The two of you had spoken at length about Jensen and possibilities of how to tell him. Haley’s suggestion was simple, Just Do It!
“Stop overthinking it, babes. You’re so scared of facing him, but the truth is, that’s what you have to do. AND, you need to do it before Danneel does. Because if it comes from her… the possibilities of what happens next really slims down.”
You knew she was right, but you had to get over your fear of seeing him again. When you brought that up, she asked you a question that you had neglected to ask yourself.
“What are you afraid of, exactly?”
Unable to give her an answer just then, all you could do was shrug. The conversation shifted to her spilling the details about her date the night before, which was a little bit of a comfort.
After a big, filling meal, and a cannoli for dessert, you officially declared yourself too fat to drive. Haley laughed and rolled her eyes, and commented on how she was glad she opted for one glass of wine instead of the copious amount of shots she really wanted. On the drive home, she breached the subject of Jensen again.
“So, when do you think you’ll do it? Should be soon… Did Danneel give you a deadline or anything?”
“No, she just said tell him or I will. So yeah, I should soon. I just want to do it right.”
“Understandable,” she said, and glanced at you from the corner of her eye. “Just don’t take too much time, okay?”
“I won’t,” you said and paused, reflecting back on her question that you couldn’t answer at dinner. “I think I’m mostly scared of seeing him and melting right back into his arms. I’ve never been very strong willed around him. Then, if I do, what if he is so angry now that he rejects me, and I have to go through this grieving process all over again… raise a baby alone that he and I could have raised together. Or worse, he tries to take the baby from me…”
“Do you really think he would or could do that to you?”
“I don’t know. Never thought Dee would have slept with another man… but she did.”
Haley didn’t know what to say to that, so she kept her gaze straight ahead and continued the twenty minute drive home.
By the time you arrived at the house, you were ready to unwind and relax in bed. The last twenty-four hours had been such a whirlwind of emotions, you weren’t sure if you could honestly take another second of it. Haley directed the car into the driveway and put it in park, but didn’t turn off the engine.
“Oh shit,” she said, and started frantically looking through her bag. “I think I left my phone there on the table!”
“No, I saw you with it, you sure it isn’t in there? Want me to call it?”
“No!” She replied so quickly and adamantly, you gave her a curious look.
“Ooookay… so, back to the restaurant?”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to go. Why don’t you go inside, get your preggers self all comfy, and I’ll be right back.”
“No, I don’t want you to drive back and forth by yourself. I’m fine–”
“Woman, don’t disobey me. Just go inside and find a good movie or something we can watch when I get back.”
Hesitant to do as she asked, you looked at her again and narrowed your eyes. “You’re being weird, why?”
“I’m not being weird at all.”
“Liar. What’s really going on?”
“Just go inside, please?” The way she said it made you think something was surely up, but you couldn’t deny her. Maybe she had put together an impromptu baby shower for you, and you didn’t want to ruin her hard work.
“Ok, just be careful driving, if that’s what you’re really doing.”
“I will! I won’t be long!”
You got out of the car and she immediately pulled out of the driveway and supposedly back towards the restaurant. Digging your keys from your bag, you approached the front door, and found it was already open. Trying to remember who had shut it; and if it was you, did you lock it? You were only a little over three months pregnant, but the scatterbrain part of it all was hitting you hard already.
When you opened the door, you immediately knew that someone had been in the house. There was a fragrance in the air that hadn’t been there before. As you peered around the corner towards the kitchen, you could hear the faintest bit of music playing from somewhere upstairs.
“Hello?” you called out–half hoping, half in fear–someone would reply hello back. “Someone here?”
Slipping out of your coat, you hung it on the rack and made your way towards the kitchen. There on the table was a note, a bottle of sparkling cider, and a single red rose. You knew right then, Jensen had to be there somewhere. The idea of which caused your whole body to start shaking with intense nerves and anticipation that you could be face to face with him at any second.
Picking up the note, your shaking hands slowly unfolded it. As you read the words scrawled in his familiar hand, your heart started pounding.
“When you found me, I was starved for adventure. One of your hands on my skin, took me to places I didn’t know existed. I want to tell you exactly how you make me feel, what the thought of you does to me… but first… pick up the treat I left you, and follow the candles.”
Looking around, you saw a few votive candles burning on the kitchen counter nearest to the stairs. You picked up what he had left you and headed in that direction. Sitting on the first landing, was another votive, with a note leaning against it and a glass for the sparkling cider.
You swallowed thickly as you picked up the second note and began to read.
“You have a way of igniting passion in me that feels inhuman. My need to feel you… on me, next to me, against me… drives me to the brink of insanity. Knowing that you are here, now, leaves me restless and waiting for you with bated breath. Take the glass to the top of the stairs, now. Then stop to pour yourself a drink.”
It was all so surreal. Surely this was a dream. Jensen wasn’t really upstairs waiting for you, was he? But on the same hand, all of this could only be his doing. You did as he commanded, and when you reached the top of the stairs, there was the final note, along with a small, wrapped gift propped up against one last candle. On the front of the note you read his instructions.
“Pour a drink first, then open me.”
Pouring the champagne, you licked your lips in anticipation; both for the drink and for whatever waited for you behind the closed bedroom door. Slowly opening the note, and giving the box a quick glance of curiosity, you brought your attention back to the paper in hand.
“Even though things somehow went bad, I still want you to be mine, and hope you want me to be yours. I fought it for a long time, but I finally gave myself over to you completely. It’s not just how your body feels against mine, or how your voice could bring me to my knees, it’s what you make me feel inside. The way your eyes spark when you stare at me, I can feel them marking my soul, making me yours in a way that goes beyond sins of the flesh. Come find me in the place where our passion is unmatched, where we came together as one. Bring the present and the cider. I’ll be waiting.”
Your heart was pounding like a jackrabbit now, but you did as he asked; grabbed the present and the bottle, and made your way into your room. As you opened the door to your bedroom, the first thing you sensed was soft music playing from the speaker in the corner. Once your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, you saw how the candlelight flickered and casted shadows along the wall as if they were moving to the melody.
The song in the background faded, and ‘Unsteady’ by X Ambassadors began to play; a song that had come to mean quite a bit to you and Jensen. That was when he stepped out of the shadows and into your view. He looked just as good as he ever had. Dressed in a simple blue button down shirt, and jeans, his hair was a little longer than you remembered, and he had more than a few days worth of stubble on his cheeks. The site of his face made your eyes wet, but you forced them back. Carefully placing the bottle of cider on the night stand along with the notes and the box, you looked around the room, then back to him in wonderment.
“Welcome home,” he said, his voice raspy with emotion. “I’ve missed you.”
“Jensen…” his name left your lips in a whisper. That was all he needed to cross the room and sweep you up in his arms.
He lifted you up, your feet leaving the floor, and embraced you so tightly it was hard to breathe. But the feeling of his arms wrapped around you was so euphoric, you didn’t care how tight it was. He lowered you to the ground and moved back, although only a little, to take a long look at your face. He guided a stray lock of hair away from your eyes and peered deep into them. He swallowed loud and nervous. For what felt like the world’s longest minute, you didn’t know if he would say anything.
“You just left,” he said, his voice barely reaching a whisper. His face contorted into a hurt so deeply, he was almost unrecognizable. “You left, and that note…” he paused with an incredulous grunt, “that killed me. Because I knew it wasn’t true.”
“Jensen… I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I made the wrong choice.”
“Why? Why did you feel like you had to leave?” His voice retained the slow burn fire of a man who had been left in the dark for too long. “You leaving… Jesus Y/N…”
“I just… I felt like I had too.” It was a shitty answer, but it was the truth. It didn’t seem to help him understand any better.
“Because of the baby?”
You knew that he had known because of the article, but couldn’t help to wonder if Dee already told him about their meeting the night before. Unable to force words to leave your lips, you simply nodded.
“Y/N, are you still pregnant? Or did you…” he sighed deeply, clearly struggling with the words he had to say, but they got stuck in his throat.
Not wanting him to have to say it, you simply shook your head. You took his hand and gently placed it on your stomach. “I didn’t end it. I couldn’t.”
A mixed eddy of emotions tore across his face, so quickly that you weren’t sure which one he would settle on. Before giving him a chance to say anything, you turned around and went into the nightstand drawer. From there you pulled out your latest sonogram and cautiously handed it to him.
“I should have told you as soon as I found out, I was actually trying to think of a fun, grand way to tell you. Then, everything fell apart so quickly. Dee’s pregnancy, her infidelity, you and the kids taking off… I felt responsible for the problems you and Dee were having. Felt like I was ruining your family. I didn’t want this baby to do any more damage.”
Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off the picture of his child, though it still wasn’t much more than a white blob, he was already enamored.
“You still should have told me, Y/N. Despite all of that, I deserved to know.”
The hurt that painted his expression caused a sharp pain to coarse through your heart. He was one of the few people in the whole world that you never wanted to hurt. Yet, here you were watching the pain of your choices play out across his features.
“I know Jay, there’s no good excuse. I overreacted… I never read that note you left, until just last night. I assumed it was a Dear Jane letter. That maybe you didn’t know how to tell me to go, so you took the kids and left. I mean, what was I really? Someone you had great sex with… whether it was me and you, or the three of us. Besides, I wasn’t your wife. I knew you loved me, but IN love with me? That’s what you and Dee–”
“Stop! Just… stop.” Jensen took a step back and emitted a low rumble of frustration from his chest. “That’s a crock of shit, Y/N. Yeah, I love Dee. She’s the mother of my children and we have a long history, but IN love with her? I haven’t been in love with her for years. If I had been, I never would have made a move on you or pursued you the way I did. Don’t you see that?”
He searched your expression for some sort of confirmation, but you were overwhelmed and still in shock that he was here, in your room, in Haley’s house… in IOWA.
“Dammit, you don’t see it do you? Fuck, Y/N…” he ran his hands up and down his weary face, then took those few steps closer, and brushed his fingers against your cheek. “I was lonely, and unfulfilled. Then I come home one day and there you are, on the couch with Dee. I told myself that you were something fun, and maybe help rekindle my lust for life, and for my marriage. And, you did… just not how I expected.”
“Jay, you and Dee, you have years of history; you have kids. Maybe making me part of the family wasn’t–”
“Seriously? Y/N, no, that’s not fair to say. You woke me up! You are precisely and perfectly what I was waiting for.”
“Even with all the drama… the paparazzi, the scandals, the infidelity.. We were a freak show!”
“So? Like I give a shit what the world thinks. I don’t care about any of the things stacked against us. I don’t care about disagreements or circumstances. Because at the end of the day, I am yours, and you are mine.”
“I should have read your note that day. I regret not reading it, Jensen. If I had, none of this would be happening. I shoved it in my bag and left. I just found it last night, then Dee showed up, and–”
“Wait, wait… Dee was here? Last night? When?”
“Last night. She showed up around nine, right after the pizza guy. She had a P.I. find me, and she showed up. She gave me hell for leaving and not telling you about the baby. Then she showed me your divorce papers and said if I didn’t tell you about the baby, she would. Isn’t that how you found me, too? I assumed she told you.”
Jensen’s face broke out into a wide grin, and you didn’t know how badly you needed to see his smile again. “That woman, I swear. Drives me fucking crazy, but I suppose its part of her charm. No, Danneel didn’t say a word to me about you.”
“Then, how… how did you end up here?”
“My lawyer got a call from your friend Haley. Asked him to reach out to me, and have me call her. She told me you were here and that you wanted to see me, talk to me, but was scared to. I hopped on a flight, and here I am. She said she would get you out of the house so I could surprise you.”
“Oh, Imma kill her when she gets home,” you growled, and turned to pick up the glass of sparkling cider champagne. After downing the glass you sighed and chuckled softly. “Damn I wish that was alcoholic….”
“She’s just looking out for you, the way Danneel was looking out for me.”
“Jensen… What happens now? Do we just go back to all of us being together? I mean, are you sure a divorce from her is what you want? I don’t want her like that anymore. What the three of us had was fun, but ultimately, I don’t want you AND her. I want you. I had felt like that since she first left for Greece, maybe even before. It made me feel guilty; like a goddamn homewrecker.”
“No, there is no ‘three of us’ anymore. Danneel and I are getting divorced. I think that would have happened with or without you in our lives. She agrees, actually. It was just time to end it.”
“How is she okay with that?”
“Because she sees the truth.”
“Which is what, exactly?”
Jensen’s expression relaxed into something more thoughtful and soft. The way his green eyes bore into you, you felt every single thing he was about to say was exactly how he felt. “The heart knows when the search is over. You’re the one I want to wake up to at two a.m., rollover and know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
“What about the kids? What about–”
“Stop, please. Stop worrying so much about everyone else, and what is best for them. The kids know what’s happening. Dee is going to stay in the big house with them. She wants to be there to be their mom, that’s her priority. As for me, well…” he shrugged and began to slowly caress your shoulders with both his hands. “Right now, there is nowhere else in the world I want to be. Question really is, what do you want?”
The baby began to move, as if they were putting in their opinion to the matter. Taking Jensen’s hand from your shoulder, you placed it on the spot where the flutters were. It was ever so slight, but he could feel the movement too.
“I want you, Jensen. You’re all I ever wanted. I just never thought in a million years, you’d want me just as much; forget falling in love with me.”
“Baby,” he started, but needed a moment to reign in some of the emotion he was feeling, “I will never stop falling in love with you… either of you.”
With that, you didn’t want to wait another moment to feel his lips pressed against yours again. Kissing him for the first time in months, truly felt like coming home. Everything that had been missing within you was replaced by that one kiss. His lips parted, and your tongues slipped together, swirling and circling with slow, but reckless abandon. Every part of your body instantly became alive under his touch, as if no time had gone by at all.
A slow, soft moan escaped you as his arms once again engulfed you, pushing you back towards the bed. The fire had been lit between you once again; as if it had ever really gone out in the first place. The desperation you both felt to have each other was maddening, and in a matter of seconds, clothes were flying in all directions, his mouth exploring your neck and chest as if he’d never been there before.
You arched your back and grabbed the sides of his head as his mouth moved further down on your body, fingers tangled into his longer hair; the stubble of his weeks growth tickling your slightly swollen belly. That’s where he paused, and kissed it ever so gently.
“You’re having my baby,” he purred and kissed your belly again. “Our baby…” the corner of his mouth twitched into an impish grin, and you could see passion had replaced all the uncertainty of the expression he wore when you first walked into the room.
“Our baby,” you echoed, caressing his cheek then running your fingers through his hair.
He moved up on the bed, repositioning himself so he was laying on the pillow next to you. “Do you remember when we used to play with the ice, and I would tease you, make you beg for me to be inside you?”
Just the flash of memories ignited that familiar heat between your legs that only he could seem to summon. “Of course…”
“Good, don’t ever forget it. Just because you and I are together and having a baby, doesn’t mean that I still don’t want you that way.” His hand gently glided through your hair, then traced the lines of your neck. Slowly they made their way to your chin, which he lifted up as he hovered above you. “Don’t ever forget who you belong to. You are mine. And I am yours. And once that kid is born, I’m going to make you beg for it again.”
The forceful, yet deep look of love that lived in his eyes was enough for you to melt under his touch.
“Don’t ever let me stop begging for you. I never want to be without you again.”
“Good girl,” he purred and leaned down to kiss your lips again.
This time as he kissed his way down your body, he didn’t stop until he reached your sex. Feeling him between your thighs was like the first time all over again. Suddenly nervous, yet excited for his touch, you let him take you in his mouth. Tongue and lips making a mess of you, and when he slipped his fingers inside you, you could feel his lips smile against your clit when you moaned at the feeling. He didn’t stop once you came, he kept going, making you squirm until you begged him for mercy.
Jensen sat up from between your legs, wiped his lips of your juices and gently laid up on top of you. As he reached down for a kiss, you could feel him slip up inside you. You both moaned in pleasure, and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His eyes found yours, and as he began to move, thrusting slowly in out of you, he never let go of your gaze. Your nails dug into his flesh, his forehead hung down and pressed into yours, while your bodies rocked together in perfect unison. Just as he came inside you, he kissed you deeply and told you once again, how much he loved you; how you were forever his.
After, he lay beside you under the covers softly tracing the lines of your body, and kissing your shoulder.
“Did you peek inside the gift box over there?”
“No, I was a little distracted,” you laughed.
You were about to roll over and get it, but he beat you to it. You sat up on the bed, and pulled the covers up to cover your chest. Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off you, almost afraid if he did, you would just disappear. He finally handed you the box, and drew in a deep, nervous breath.
“Open it.”
Carefully removing the ribbon, you opened the box and saw a set of keys inside. Attached to the keys was a keychain that had a beautiful diamond ring beside it. You gasped, and touched at the keys and ring, unsure if this really wasn’t a dream of some kind.
“Jensen…”
“Marry me, officially be mine forever. I bought a house… right down the street from the kids in Austin. It’s ours… a place to start our own family, and still be close to our other family.”
Still speechless, you looked at the keychain and saw it had yours and Jensen’s initials on one side, and on the other it said, ‘Forever Mine’.
“Well? Will you?” he asked, and you couldn’t help but find his nerves rather adorable.
“Yes, Jensen. I would be a fool to say no, of course I will marry you!” The way things had gone that evening was nothing close to what you expected. You were beyond touched to know that he had this all waiting for you; waiting for you to realize your foolish decision and come back to him where you belonged.
Jensen exhaled, bringing a larger than life smile to his face. He quickly made work of taking the ring off the keys, and slipping it onto your finger.
“You know,” he started, then paused to admire the ring on your finger, “I wasn’t kidding about how lost and dead I felt inside before I met you. I never thought that anyone could make me feel what you made me feel. I tried so hard to hide my feelings, but with each passing night I didn’t show up at your apartment, I realized, even back then, beside you is where I belonged. Didn’t matter if I was home, in Vancouver, or any other city in the world. My mind, body and soul, were always with you. And it wasn’t just the sex, although, you have to admit we are damn good at it…”
You couldn’t help but laugh, and nodded in agreement. “No lies there.”
“It was just… you. Everything about you… your calm demeanor, how you always wanted to see the good in people. How you handled and took care of the kids. How you handled me. No one has ever been able to understand me like you do, or bring me to my knees the way you could.”
You knew what he meant by that, and a streak of guilt crossed over your heart.
“I promise I will never leave you like that again.”
“Good. Because if you did, I don’t think I would make it next time. Especially now knowing this lil peanut is on her way.”
“Her, huh?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s definitely a girl. I can just tell, I got a sense about it,” he teased and motioned his hand over your belly like a fortune teller over a glass ball.
“Well, we can find out in another month or so, I hope.”
“I say let’s leave it a surprise. There is nothing traditional about us or how we started. Why start now?”
You adjusted yourself so you were laying back down on the bed, and Jensen did the same. He put an arm around you and pulled you closer so you could lay your head on his chest. The two of you laid there like that for hours, excitedly talking in whispers about your future and caressing each other until sleep finally took over.
Nine months had passed since Jensen slipped the engagement ring on your finger, and never once did it leave its place there. Not even when you finally had gone into labor did you want to take it off. Jensen had been in New York at a convention when you called to tell him it was happening earlier than expected. Sixteen hours of intense pain and uncertainty while giving birth, and that ring helped you get through it since he couldn’t get to Austin in time. Delayed flights, lost luggage and weather related circumstances kept pushing his arrival back, and you begged the doctor to somehow postpone your labor.
“Sorry, sweetheart, can’t do it. This baby is coming now and not much we can do to stop it.”
Thankfully, Haley had been staying with you, and she stood by your side, with Jensen on the phone as you pushed and screamed, willing your bundle of joy into the world.
“Is she healthy? Is she okay? Is Y/N okay?” he asked in one breathless sentence. Haley was so overwhelmed by seeing you holding your baby, she could barely speak.
“Everyone is doing just fine, Jensen. I’ll send you a picture, but get here as soon as you can…”
He did just that, within two hours of the birth of your son, Jensen was racing through the hospital corridors searching for you. When he came into the room, out of breath and overly disheveled, you couldn’t stop the happy tears from falling at will.
“Hey,” he said in greeting, keeping his voice hushed and soft. “My God… she’s beautiful.”
“He…” you smiled and gently lifted the baby up into his arms. “We have a son, Jensen.”
“Really?” The word barely squeaked out of his lips, coated with so much sentiment it made you even more teary. “Our son…”
Jensen kissed his newborn son’s forehead so gingerly and studied his features like there would be a test on it later. He lowered himself to sit on the bed beside you, cradling the baby in one arm, and wrapping the other around your shoulders. He leaned over and kissed the side of your head, but didn’t let go of either of you.
“I was so sure it was a girl,” he chuckled. “But to have another son, thank you for this…”
“What should we call him?”
Jensen slowly let out a breath of air and smiled. “Been thinking about that a lot while trying to get home, but I had all girl names picked out. What do you think?”
“I think we should go with Zep’s choice. He said if he ended up having a baby brother, he wanted to name him Zooma.”
Jensen started laughing, “As in, Paw Patrol Zooma?”
You nodded and smiled. “Mhm, I told him that probably wouldn’t be a good name, so he asked if we could pick a ‘Z’ name so he wasn’t the only one of the kids with a name that started with ‘Z’.”
“Of course he did,” Jensen mused, then lovingly stared down at his son’s precious face. You sat there, watching the two of them, father and son, having their first moments together and felt beyond blessed and grateful that the long journey had come down to this moment.
“Zachary Allan Ackles…” Jensen whispered, then looked to you for your approval.
“I love it.”
The day Zachary was born lingered heavily in your mind, as the next most important day of your life was about to start. He was already a few months old, and starting to look more and more like Jensen every day. Zach inherited his father’s green eyes and perfect smile, and every time you looked at your son, you fell more in love with him, and his father. No more doubts had a chance to creep in since Jensen found you at Haley’s all those months before, because he never let an opportunity pass by to let you know how loved you were; how much he meant to keep you his, forever.
“Hey, Y/N, you ready?”
Haley’s voice cut through the memory and brought you back to the present day. You turned and smiled at her, nodding that you were.
“Just one minute, okay?”
She closed the door to your bridal suite, and you took one last look at yourself in the mirror. Smoothing out the simple, satin Ivory gown, you inhaled deeply and felt a slight bout of nerves start to rise.
“It’s my wedding day,” you mused quietly to the empty room. “I’m marrying the man of my dreams, in the house of my dreams, with our beautiful son by our sides. I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this, but I will never take any of it for granted.”
In the mirror’s reflection, you saw the door start to open again. Assuming Haley was coming in to get you moving, you turned and readied yourself with a sarcastic quip, but it fell from your lips when you saw Danneel enter the room.
“Sorry, to intrude, but the girls couldn’t wait to see you in your dress.”
From behind Dee, JJ and Arrow came bouncing into the room. They were absolutely beautiful in their matching flower girl dresses, big smiles plastered on their faces.
“Come on, Mom!” Arrow said, grabbing your handing and pulling you with all her might towards the door. “It’s time to go marry daddy!”
When she called you ‘Mommy’, your eyes snapped up to see Danneel’s expression, unsure how that would make her feel. But, if she did feel any sort of way, she didn’t show it. She seemed genuinely happy for you and Jensen; had even helped plan some of the wedding.
“Ok, ok, babygirl, I’m going,” you said, and smiled brightly.
Just before you all funneled out of the room, Dee gently touched your arm to stop you, and gave you a hug.
“I want you to know I am so happy for you both, I really, really am. I think we finally found the right way to all be one big happy family.”
You didn’t want to get overly emotional before you even walked down the aisle, but what she said at that moment made it difficult. “I think so too,” was all you managed to get out without crying.
Danneel however, couldn’t stop her own eyes from watering with them, and again, she didn’t seem bothered by it at all.
“There is no one else in this world I would trust with my kids, and certainly no one else I would ever feel comfortable with, calling Mommy. But you are, you know.”
“Thank you, that means more than you know.”
Dee squeezed your hand, and the two of you shared a moment that will never be forgotten.
“Ok, ok… now, let’s get you hitched!”
Austin in the spring was beautiful and warm, with bright blue skies and all the dogwood trees in bloom. You waited in the wings of the garden as JJ and Arrow did their thing, leaving pink and yellow petals dotting the satin aisle runner that would lead you to the altar where Jensen was. Zeppelin was at your side, looking cute as ever in his little suit Jensen had chosen for him to wear. Since you had no family, and no close male friends, Zeppelin had offered to hold your hand as you walked down the aisle, so you wouldn’t have to do it alone. The boy’s gesture filled you with a level of love and you were glad to take him up on it.
Now, as the music began to play, you and Jensen’s oldest son made the long walk through the garden and down towards the gazebo where you would finally become his wife. Taking your place next to Jensen, Dee quickly went up to take Zep’s hand and lead him to his seat right in the front row. Haley sat next to him, holding Zachary and trying her best not to start weeping before it even started.
Turning your attention to Jensen, you got to take in a good look at how handsome, and sexy, he was in his suit. It was a soft, ivory linen jacket and pants, white shirt unbuttoned to the nape of his neck, and sans tie. His hair was still a bit longer, and at your request, he allowed the growth of stubble to stay on his cheeks. But in the end, he could have been wearing a burlap sack for all you cared.
“You’re breathtaking,” he whispered, not wanting to interrupt the officiant’s beginning hyperbole of the ceremony. Jensen took your hand in his, and squeezed. “You ready?”
“Been ready,” you smiled and squeezed back.
“Friends, family, you’ve gathered today to witness the love between these two individuals grow into a promise of forever. They, along with their children, want to vow in front of your witness, of their intentions to love, cherish, honor and respect each other from now until the end of their days. Having gotten to know Y/N and Jensen well over these last few months, I have seen their deep affection for each other grow more and more each day. While I am not necessarily a religious man, I do believe that this union was written in Heaven only to be fulfilled here on Earth. The bride and groom have decided to speak vows they have written themselves, so at this time I ask them to pledge their dedication to one another. Jensen…”
“Y/N, you once said to me that we were very unconventional; freak show were the actual words you used.” A murmur of good cheer ripped through your guests, and caused you to smile and shrug slightly as Jensen continued. “You weren’t wrong, but the thing is, it doesn’t matter if we were the biggest freak show on the planet, because I’ve finally found my person. You have a way of knowing exactly what I need at any given moment. Your love and generosity has offered me a safe harbor when I’m feeling uncertain or scared. Your dedication to my other children has proved to me that you are not just my rock, but one of theirs, too. I can’t imagine my life without you and Zachary, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us.”
Jensen paused, turned to Jared who stood up from his seat in the front and handed him the wedding rings. Jensen handed his to the officiant, then gently took your left hand and slid yours down your finger, resting perfectly against your engagement ring.
“Y/N, with this ring, I promise you endless amounts of love and laughter. You have my heart, my soul, my love and my loyalty until the day comes where I am no longer taking in breath. In the years we have together, I vow to support you, understand you, and never lose sight of our passion for each other. I am yours, forever.”
There wasn’t a dry eye among the guests, including yourself. Doing your best to get yourself together, you took the ring from the officiant, and held it tightly in one hand as you started your vows.
“Jensen, you came into my life so unexpectedly, that there are still some days I have to pinch myself to see if I am dreaming. With open arms and an open heart, you took the time to break down my walls, and love me for the hot mess I can be.” Another wave of chuckles carried on the breeze from those in attendance. “Yes, we are a freak show of sorts, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because in the end we are being true to ourselves, and our feelings for each other and the family we’ve built. YOU are MY rock… you are my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. When hard times hit, or life gets messy, you know exactly how to help me see through to the bigger picture. I too, cannot wait to see the magic the future holds for us.”
Taking Jensen’s ring from the officiant, you took his hand and let the large ring glide down his finger.
“Jensen, with this ring, I promise you endless days of love and laughter. You have my heart, my soul, my love and loyalty until our days on Earth come to an end. In our future together, I vow to always support you, understand you, love and respect you. And I promise to never lose sight of our passion, or how deeply our love is rooted in soil. You are mine and I am yours, forever.”
“By the power given to me, by the great state of Texas, ladies and gentlemen, please rise and celebrate, Mr. and Mrs. Jensen Ackles!”
Before your names could even leave the officiant’s mouth, Jensen grabbed you and pulled you in for a deep, loving, but appropriate for the moment, kiss. You could hear Jared whistling and cheering, all three of the kids yelling out words of congratulations, the other guests following suit. It was a small wedding, but the jubilation they showered you with was loud and genuine. Even Danneel stood up and was clapping and cheering with the rest.
As you and Jensen turned to face all your friends and family, that moment was imprinted in your memory. Seeing all of the happy smiling faces, celebrating a love that you had thought would always be wrong and forbidden. Not anymore. Because now…
You were his.
He was yours.
And everyone in the whole world knew it.
“I’m exhausted!” you whined the moment you opened the front door. “I swear, if you ask me to do one thing tonight, I may have to murder you Haley!”
Laughter rang out from the den, and you followed its sound to find your best friend lounging on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a movie on. “You’re always exhausted… I know better by now.” Haley moved the popcorn and sat up on the couch, patting the spot beside her. “Want some popcorn, friend?”
You shook your head and sat down with an audible grunt. “These people wear me out. I miss being a private masseuse for the rich and famous.”
“Oh yeah, cause that worked out soooo well for you last time!” she said, giving you her best sarcastic smile.
“If I had the energy, I would so punch you right now. Is there any real food in the fridge? Or are you just eating popcorn for dinner?”
“Nah, this is just a snack. Going out in a bit to meet up with Mr. Hottie. Wanna join us? Might be good for you to get out a little bit.”
“I appreciate the invitation but no, I don’t wanna be the third wheel while you two suck face over a bowl of queso.”
“Hey, that was ONE time!”
That made you laugh and despite the overwhelming exhaustion, improved your mood. “Seriously, I do appreciate it, but all I want right now is to heat up something to eat, take a hot shower, and go pass out.”
“Fair enough. There are some leftovers in the fridge I can heat up for you. I gotta go get dressed anyway.” Haley got up from the couch and handed the remote to you. “Just promise me you’ll eat it and go to bed… NOT pass out on the couch again.”
“Yes, mom.”
Haley nodded in satisfaction and went to leave, but quickly turned around when she remembered the strange phone calls. “Oh! Forgot to tell you, some weird phone calls came into the houseline today. I barely ever answer the damn thing, but thought it may be my mom. She sometimes forgets about cell phones. Anyway, they asked for you, and remembering what you told me about your time in Austin, I said, Who?, and they hung up. It rang again, and same thing. Just FYI, I know you’re trying to lay low, stay under the radar, but maybe don’t answer the landline if you wanna stay that way.”
You sat up straighter on the couch and could feel the worry drape over you. “Was it him?”
Haley shook her head. “Don’t think so, this guy sounded super old, and kinda authoritative, ya know? But still, don’t take any chances.”
“Ok, I appreciate that, thanks babes. Now go get ready for your big date with Mr. Hottie. And don’t forget to throw that leftover chicken in the microwave!”
“Yes ma’am…” Haley lingered for a moment, and knew it was a touchy subject, but had to say what was on her mind. “Y/N… I know how you feel about it all. I know what you’ve decided, but maybe you should reach out to him. He’s gotta be worried sick about you… and from what you told me, he loved you.”
You stared blankly at the movie on the screen, and couldn’t bring yourself to look her in the eye. She wasn’t wrong, but it had only been a few months since you left the Ackles’ house. Three months didn’t feel like a safe distance of time to even think about reaching out to Jensen. Besides, what would you tell him? You ran away because you were angry? Scared? That you left him and his three kids because you were jealous that Dee’s indiscretion ruined what you all had? It was the truth, but now somewhat removed, you felt a little foolish for reacting so harshly.
“I know, Haley, but I just can’t. Not yet.”
“Ok, and you have every right to feel that way. I’m just thinking out loud here… communication goes a long way. And for that beautiful man to declare his love for you must mean something.”
“Yeah…” was all you could say. When you didn’t look up at her, she took that as her cue.
“Alright babes, chicken in the nuker for 2 minutes… going up to change. Love you!”
“Love you too, friend.”
An hour later, you forced yourself off the couch and got in a shower, put on fresh pajamas and found something good to watch on television. The food Haley had heated up before she left hadn’t been enough and your stomach began to yell at you for something more. A strong craving for pizza hit you like a ton of bricks, and that’s all you could think of. There was only one good pizza place in all of her small Iowa town, so you got up and dug through the junk drawer to find the menu.
Once in hand, you called and ordered a large plain pizza, an order of garlic knots and a slice of New York Style cheesecake. After hanging up with them, you went to the fridge and took out a bottle of sparkling water and made your way back to the den.
Living with Haley the last few months had been just what you needed. She was your oldest friend in the world, and one that even Jensen knew very little about. When you left Austin, you knew that Haley would take you in and help you figure out what to do. And that’s exactly what she did. She had two spare bedrooms, and happily gave you one, telling you that you could stay as long as you had liked. The first few days or so you were nothing but a sobbing mess. She sat with you, listened as you spilled the details from beginning to end about Jensen, Dee, the kids… all of it. She was the friend you could tell everything to; including the mind blowing sexual experiences you had with Jensen, and Jensen and Dee, and the unborn child growing in your belly.
On the fourth day, she came into your bedroom, and pulled you out of bed, demanding you pick yourself up, go to the doctor to make sure you were really pregnant and how far along. An appointment with Planned Parenthood told you that you were definitely pregnant and at about eight weeks. You asked about an abortion, and while they did talk you through the process, you left telling them you needed to think about it. They encouraged you to decide quickly, because you were on the cusp of not being able to have one performed at all. Finally a few days later, you made your decision of what to do.
Over the next couple weeks, you found yourself a job at a Hands and Stone Massage shop, which paid more than you would have thought. You were able to buy yourself a car, and even put a little money into savings. Living with Haley was great, but eventually you wanted to have a place of your own. Every day you thought about Jensen, and half those days you had picked up the phone to call him, though always ended up just putting down your cell and not dialing it. Life eventually began to even out, and you felt the down, depressed days starting to fade. Your love for Jensen never waivered, but you had made a choice to leave, and felt like you needed to stick by it.
Before you knew it, thirty minutes had flown by and there was a knock at the door. Remembering your pizza order, you jumped up, grabbed your purse and went running to the door.
“Hey!” you said, greeting the delivery guy with a big smile. “Here ya go.” You handed him the money for the order and greedily took the boxes from him. He stood there for a minute after looking at the cash you gave him, shrugged, then walked away.
The second the door closed you realized you forgot to include his tip. Placing the boxes down on the entry table, you picked up your purse again and quickly rifled through the bottom, looking for that five dollar bill you knew was down there. When you pulled it up from the depths of the purse, along with it came a piece of paper stuck to it. Not taking the time to look at the paper, you pulled it off and kept it in your other hand while opening the door and calling out for him to come back.
“Hey! I forgot your tip!”
“No problem,” the young guy said as he turned and came back to the porch.
You handed him the money and smiled apologetically. “Sorry, it’s been a long day. Hope you have a good rest of your night.”
He nodded in thanks and went back to his car as you closed the door. Finally noticing you still had the stray piece of paper in hand, you stopped in your tracks when you realized what it was. It was the note Jensen had written you the morning he left with the kids. Your throat got very dry, and all of a sudden your excitement for the pizza had gone. Just as you were about to unfold it and finally read what he had written, there was another knock at the door.
Still in shock of having the long forgotten note in your purse, you absentmindedly opened the front door, then looked up and half expecting to see the pizza guy standing there. Unfortunately, your late night caller wasn’t the pizza guy.
“Hey, stranger,” Danneel said, smiling when she saw you realize it was her standing there. “It’s been a while.”
“I–how… How did you find me?” You could only imagine how ridiculous you looked at that moment; wet hair tied up off your neck, some old, worn out pajamas and big ole fuzzy slippers on your feet, and most likely a very stupid look on your face.
“May I come in?” Danneel asked, but didn’t wait for approval. She stepped into the house, her hands shoved in the pockets of her fashionable coat. She always looked pristine no matter what the occasion.
“Um, sure.” You moved aside when she came in, afraid of what was to come next.
“Smells good, what did you order?” She nodded towards the delivery you just received.
“Pizza.”
“Yummy. Grab it, and some plates. I’ll have some with you if you don’t mind. I’m starving.”
“Uhhh, wait. What the hell are you doing here Danneel?”
She ignored your question, took off her coat and moved further into the house. “This is a beautiful home. Yours?” She spun around to look at you, and you shook your head. “Oh, right, it’s your friend Haley’s right?”
“How did you know that?”
“Baby, come on. Like I haven’t known where you were from the minute you moved in.” Her arrogance was starting to annoy you; long gone were the days you found it sexy and alluring.
“You followed me? But you’ve been in Greece…”
“Yes, I was. Now I’m home.” She went to the table, grabbed the food and moved towards the kitchen. “Come on, let’s eat and have a chat, okay?”
You knew Danneel well enough that when she had a point to make, she wasn’t going to budge until she made it. Resigning yourself to hearing her out, you followed her into the kitchen. Without a word, you grabbed a couple paper plates and two bottles of water from the refrigerator. You took the pizza box and bag of food from her and nodded for her to follow you into the den.
You took your usual spot on the couch, and she opted for the recliner that sat adjacent. You put a piece of pizza on a plate and handed it to her along with a bottle of water.
“So, since when did you get into the stalking business? I thought actresses made more than enough money.”
“Oh, Y/N, how I’ve missed your sarcastic wit. No, I haven’t been stalking you. But, I did hire a P.I. to find you as soon as I heard you walked out on Jensen and the children.”
Ouch… and the children, that stung worse than you thought it would. But she wasn’t wrong, that’s exactly what you had done.
“Are they okay? The kids… are they doing okay?”
“Yes… and no. JJ loves school, but she misses you being there to do her hair in the mornings. She’s always complaining Rita can’t get her braids just right. Zep asks for you just about every day. And Arrow, well, you know her, she’s just a cute little hurricane running around causing a mess wherever she lands.”
You nodded, tried to force a smile, but it wasn’t possible. Your heart hurt hearing about the kids, and knowing that Jensen would come up next, made it that much more painful. “And, Jensen?”
“Well now, that man of ours is a whole different story.” Dee stopped and took a delicate bite of her pizza. “He’s doing his thing, traveling back and forth from Vancouver, getting home any chance he can to see the kids. I swear every time he walks into the house, he still expects you to be there. I’ve never seen him so let down.”
“I don’t know what to say…”
“You could start on why you left. Your note wasn’t exactly forthcoming.”
“I don’t know where to begin.”
“Ok, well, what do you know then? What can you tell me? Can you at least tell me if you’re still pregnant? Or did you terminate the pregnancy?”
Shocked that she knew about your pregnancy, your head snapped up and stared at her with wide eyes. “How…”
“You really must have gone off grid when you left. Apparently paparattzi caught you leaving Planned Parenthood a few months ago. Also, and I never told Jensen this, but Rita confided in me that she found a bunch of pregnancy tests in your bathroom.”
Feeling incredibly stupid for leaving those behind, you closed your eyes and leaned back against the couch.
“Nevermind, you don’t need to answer. I can clearly see that yes, you are pregnant.” She used her chin to nod towards your belly. “I’m glad you chose to keep it.”
Your arms wrapped around your stomach, which was now showing just enough that you couldn’t deny her observation. A little flutter of movement radiated from your belly, and it made you sit up in surprise. You had only recently started feeling the baby move, and it was a feeling that you didn’t think you would ever really get used to.
“Feels strange, doesn’t it? Like your body isn’t your own anymore.” Dee was being uncharacteristically sweet, and understanding; which made you incredibly leary of why she was really there.
“Are you going to tell Jensen?”
“Baby, he already knows. He saw the TMZ story, I didn’t have to tell him, though I may have guided him to the story itself. But he doesn’t know if you kept it or not. I know he told you about my dalliance with Maurice, but you had already left when I told him I had had an abortion.”
“Oh,” you replied, feeling sad for her and Jensen both.
“It was a giant mess, and trust me, Jensen and I are still not okay. We are working on being good parents and just getting through day by day.”
“Does he know where I am?” you asked in a tone just above a whisper.
“No. I wanted to make sure I found you first.” Dee leaned forward and put her plate on top of the pizza box. “Look, I did not track you down to threaten or blackmail you. Despite what you must think of me, I care for you. What’s more, my children care for you, and so does my husband. In fact, he cares for you so much that just knowing where you were would give him a lot of comfort. He won’t admit it, but you leaving, nearly broke him.”
You snorted a laugh. “I doubt that.”
“Did you ever read his note? The one he left for you the day he went to his parent’s house? He told me what he wrote there, and honestly, I can’t imagine you could read that and still leave him.”
“I, uh, I haven’t read it. Funny enough, I had thrown it in my purse that day and forgot about it. I just found it tonight when I was looking for money to tip the delivery guy.”
“That makes sense then. I highly suggest you read it. Not with me here, of course, that would be weird,” she let out a nervous laugh, and for the first time you could see that her confident and poised demeanor was starting to crack. “But please read it. He deserves to know you’re carrying his child, Y/N. If you don’t do anything else, please at least let him know you are both okay.”
You desperately searched for words to respond to her, but nothing came out. Only a sharp sting of tears hit your eyes and quickly barreled down your cheeks. You missed him terribly, and wanted to reach out so badly. The fear of his reaction is what mostly kept you away, but now sitting across from Danneel, and having that part of your life brought back up, you felt every part of yourself ache for Jensen. It was like a part of you had been missing for months, and now was an opportunity to possibly get it back.
“Whatever your real reasons were for leaving, I am asking you to reconsider them.”
“How? How could I go back there to that house and face him? Face the kids? It would all break down and be the same thing. The awkwardness was too much, Dee. Seeing you and Jensen drift so far apart, knowing it was because of me!” The tears were falling faster now, and you could feel all the months of anguish rising to the surface and spilling over the edge. “It killed me to leave. Not to mention how he left me after finding out what YOU did! Why would I want to go back to that?!”
“Yes, that’s it baby, let it out.”
“Don’t call me baby! You never really loved me. I don’t know what the fuck you felt or thought I was! A nanny for your kids that you could play with or was I just a plaything for Jensen when you didn’t want to be bothered?! Why the FUCK did you invite me into your lives anyway?!”
All the emotion you had pushed down bubbled up, propelling you to stand up from the couch, and start pacing the room. Wringing your hands through your hair, letting the tears fall freely and letting the words out that you’d kept inside for so long… Dee just sat there and watched you.
“You are one hell of a woman, Y/N. I knew that from the moment I met you. I also knew that Jensen would find you just as remarkable. To be perfectly honest, when I met you, Jensen and I weren’t in a good place in our marriage. So yes, I thought you would be something we could have fun with, and maybe it would bring us closer together, but I was very wrong.”
“Yeah, instead I tore your family apart!”
“No… I did that. You kept my husband and my children happy as I drifted away from them.” Danneel also stood up from the chair and came to stand right in front of you. She reached out and took your hands into hers. “Take a deep breath, then look me in the eyes…”
You did as she asked, and used each shoulder to wipe the stray tears lingering on your cheeks.
“Ok, good. Now I want you to listen to me very closely… I love Jensen with all of my heart. He is not just one of the best guys on Earth, he IS the best guy. He is loving, protective, fiercely loyal, an amazing father, ridiculously sexy, talented, funny… you know all of this. As a husband, he tried his best, and it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t everything that I wanted. I didn’t even realize that until recently. I should have handled things with him better, but I saw him growing in love with you, and I thought that would be enough to make it okay that I wanted to leave.”
The truth that Danneel was admitting to you was as much of a shock, as her showing up at your door was. You had come to know her quite well, and the Danneel of six months ago would have never been so open, honest and vulnerable with you.
“Y/N, I wasn’t a great wife to Jensen, and I am working on being the best mother I can be to my children. I want to be better for everyone I love. I am here because he loves you. He loves you more than I thought he had the capacity to love a woman. I’ve been there to witness some of your intimate moments with him, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone, kiss anyone… not even me, the way he looks at and kisses you. When I saw it, and saw the expression on his face after, I realized that I wanted that for myself. A man to look at me, the way Jensen looked at you. He did the best he could to hide it for a long time, play the games you two would play. He tried so damn hard to keep you at arm’s length…”
Dee’s amber eyes began to fill with tears as well, and at that moment, your heart broke for her.
“Dee, I don’t know what to say. It’s all so complicated. I fell for you because you were fun and flirty, sexy as hell. Then you brought Jensen into it. I never, ever meant to fall for him. I never intended on moving in on your life and causing trouble.”
“I know that. I have no hard feelings towards you where that’s concerned. My issue with you right now is that you left my husband and children heartbroken.”
“It killed me to leave, but I was angry and hurt…”
“And hormonal. Babies will do that to you,” she said and let go of one of your hands to place hers on your belly. The baby must have felt it too, because you felt it move, as did she. That shared moment made you both smile and suddenly the tension was gone. “You do see the irony in all this, right? Just a few months ago it was you, pleading with me to tell him about a pregnancy. Now here I am doing the same thing to you.”
“I wanted to tell you both about the baby. When I first found out, I was so happy. Then, everything went to shit and I didn’t know what to do. Yes, I am sure hormones played a part, but I know I didn’t react in an appropriate way. I just… I didn’t know what to do.”
“I can understand that, but now you’ve had some time to figure it out, work through it all. It’s time Jensen knows he’s going to be a father again. I don’t know what that means for the two of you, that you’ll have to work out for yourselves.”
“There’s nothing to work out, Dee. I don’t want to be his mistress or girlfriend. I want him. That’s not possible because he is YOUR husband.”
Danneel stood quietly, contemplating her response. “I understand.”
Without another word, she walked through the den and back out to the foyer. She picked up her coat and put it on. She reached into the inside pocket and pulled out a manilla envelope that was well padded with whatever its contents were. As she handed it to you, she grabbed your hand and held it tightly.
“Y/N, if you don’t tell him, I will. It’s that simple. I’ve done a lot wrong in my marriage. But I won’t let this go. I will do right by Jensen now. He deserves to know.”
“What is this?” you asked, ignoring her ultimatum and examining the envelope.
“Open it when I leave and make sure to read that note you found. Then, maybe you’ll know what the right thing to do is.” She let go of her hand and opened the front door to leave. Of course, she couldn’t just go, she had to turn around one more time and leave you with her words of wisdom. “Keep this in mind, too… if two souls are meant to be together, no matter how long it takes, how far they go, how tough it seems, fate will bring them together to share their love forever.”
Having said her peace, Danneel walked out the front door and towards a car already running and waiting for her. You stood there frozen, not sure what to do, say, feel or think. Danneel had showed up and tore through your world, again, just like a tornado. Instead of leaving destruction in her path, she left you unsure and downright speechless.
All thoughts of your pizza had left your head; given what had just happened, the thought left your stomach, too. Without realizing it, you picked up Jensen’s note and ended up back in the den. The muted TV’s light suddenly felt annoying, so you grabbed the remote and shut it off, then picked up the envelope she had given you. One quick look inside and you understood what she meant by knowing what the right thing to do was. Contained inside were Jensen and Danneel’s signed divorce papers. What was even more telling was seeing it was Jensen who had signed the petition for divorce. You placed it down beside you and unfolded the note Jensen had left you all those months ago.
Hey Baby,
I’m so sorry about last night. Learning what Dee had done just hit me and I didn’t know how to react. I was beyond angry and wanted to lash out. After I smashed the glass I realized that I could have hurt you, and that broke me a little bit more. Regardless of what happens with Dee, you and I are what I want. I can’t say things will be easy or go back to what they were, but no matter what, we will be okay. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. I do. Hell, I want to wake you up to pack a bag and drag you with me to my parent’s house, but they just aren’t ready for all that yet. They are pretty old school when it comes to relationships, and right now I just can’t deal with their judgment or advice. I’ll be back in a week and we can figure everything out. I peeked in on you and could see you were sleeping, I hated to wake you. But I made sure you were covered up and left a kiss on your forehead. Hopefully that will hold you over until I get back. I’ll call you tonight when we get there, please make sure to eat and sleep and not work yourself to the bone.
Love always,
J.
Another wave of sobs crashed upon your cheeks after reading his words, and you screamed into the depths of the empty house knowing that if you had just read it that day, things would not be as awful as they seem now.
After the guttural scream and hardy cry had subsided, you just wanted to sleep. Forgetting about the pizza you had wanted so badly, you left the den with Jensen’s note and envelope of divorce papers, then walked up the steps to your bedroom. Without even turning on the light, you fell into your bed and slept until the next morning.
“Well, well, don’t you look like death mourned over. What happened last night? It’s like you had a pizza party and no one came,” Haley said when you walked into the kitchen the following morning. Once she saw how puffy your eyes were and how worn out you looked overall, she grew concerned. “Ok, all joking aside, are you okay? What did I miss?”
“Danneel showed up here last night,” you replied flatly, and tossed the now crumpled note and envelope on the table. You nodded for her to open them and see for herself.
Haley opened the envelope first, then as she read the note, her eyes grew wider with each passing line. When she finished, she sat back in her chair and blew a long breath of air from her lips.
“Holy shit.”
“Uh huh.” You sat across the table from her, and poured a glass of OJ that she had left out on the table. “So, that’s why I look like roadkill, FYI. He’s divorcing her. And that note? That’s the note he left me the day he went to his parent’s house. I never read it. Hell, I shoved it to the bottom of my bag then forgot about it. Found it about two seconds before she knocked on the door.”
“How did she even find you?”
“Private investigator. Oh, and clearly she knows I’m pregnant. So, there’s that.”
“Shit man, is she going to tell him?”
“She said if I didn’t she would, yeah.”
Haley started, and stopped her next few words several times before finally knowing what to say. “I know it’s not what you wanted, but he does deserve to know, babes.”
“I know, you’re right. I feel like such a fool. What should I do? Fly up to Vancouver and surprise him on set? Show up in Austin, hoping he’s there and get the kids all worked up?”
“You could call him. Just unblock his number…”
“I can’t do this over the phone. I am going to have to face him, and I just don’t know if I am ready for that, Haley. What if I see him, and just break down? What if he hates me? What if–”
“Oh for fucks sake, WHAT IF he runs to you in sheer JOY because you got the fuck over yourself and went back to him!?”
You couldn’t help but laugh. “See I can always count on your support.”
“Girl, you know you can. But in this case, I gotta say, you fucked up. You need to own it and go back to that gorgeous hunk of man to make things right.”
“Ugghhhh, I hate it when you make sense.”
“You must hate me all the time then,” Haley joked and winked at you. “Seriously though, you have to…”
“I know, and I will. Just give me a couple days to get myself together. Process all of this and figure out what I want to say.” You looked over at the clock on the stove and realized you were very late for work. “Fuck, I gotta go to work… we can talk more about this later. Also, I need details about last night!”
Haley nodded, “Yes, yes… all that and more later. Go to work. What time are you off tonight?”
“Early, fiveish I think. Why?”
“Ok, well, when you get home I think we should go out. Let’s go get dinner. You can drive, and I will drink for you and me, because I think this warrants at least several shots of Jameson.”
“Ok, weirdo,” you laughed and before you went upstairs to get ready for work, you went and hugged your friend. “Hey Haley, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For just being you and doing what is best for me even when I don’t want to hear it.”
Haley hugged you back, then watched you go back upstairs to get dressed. She looked down at the table and absently used her finger nails to pick at the manilla envelope. She hated seeing her best friend in such turmoil and knew that she was going to do just what you had said she did… She was going to make a move that she thought was best for you.
That day at work flew by in record fashion and despite all the drama and tears from the night before, you found yourself with an unusual amount of energy. It made you excited for a night out with your best friend. Once you got home, you took a quick shower, picked out your best outfit that fit over your still slight, but growing belly, and even put on some makeup. It was the first time since leaving Austin that you took the time to go all out on the beauty products, and when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you felt more like you than you had in forever.
Even Haley complimented you on the effort and said she was proud of you for handling it the way you were, instead of just going to your room and wallowing. The two of you left for the local Italian restaurant, excited to get some good food, and have some good conversation. It was going to be hard to go to Jensen and admit how wrong you were for leaving, but it was necessary. He did deserve to know about the baby, and regardless of what came after, it was the least of what you needed to do.
The two of you had spoken at length about Jensen and possibilities of how to tell him. Haley’s suggestion was simple, Just Do It!
“Stop overthinking it, babes. You’re so scared of facing him, but the truth is, that’s what you have to do. AND, you need to do it before Danneel does. Because if it comes from her… the possibilities of what happens next really slims down.”
You knew she was right, but you had to get over your fear of seeing him again. When you brought that up, she asked you a question that you had neglected to ask yourself.
“What are you afraid of, exactly?”
Unable to give her an answer just then, all you could do was shrug. The conversation shifted to her spilling the details about her date the night before, which was a little bit of a comfort.
After a big, filling meal, and a cannoli for dessert, you officially declared yourself too fat to drive. Haley laughed and rolled her eyes, and commented on how she was glad she opted for one glass of wine instead of the copious amount of shots she really wanted. On the drive home, she breached the subject of Jensen again.
“So, when do you think you’ll do it? Should be soon… Did Danneel give you a deadline or anything?”
“No, she just said tell him or I will. So yeah, I should soon. I just want to do it right.”
“Understandable,” she said, and glanced at you from the corner of her eye. “Just don’t take too much time, okay?”
“I won’t,” you said and paused, reflecting back on her question that you couldn’t answer at dinner. “I think I’m mostly scared of seeing him and melting right back into his arms. I’ve never been very strong willed around him. Then, if I do, what if he is so angry now that he rejects me, and I have to go through this grieving process all over again… raise a baby alone that he and I could have raised together. Or worse, he tries to take the baby from me…”
“Do you really think he would or could do that to you?”
“I don’t know. Never thought Dee would have slept with another man… but she did.”
Haley didn’t know what to say to that, so she kept her gaze straight ahead and continued the twenty minute drive home.
By the time you arrived at the house, you were ready to unwind and relax in bed. The last twenty-four hours had been such a whirlwind of emotions, you weren’t sure if you could honestly take another second of it. Haley directed the car into the driveway and put it in park, but didn’t turn off the engine.
“Oh shit,” she said, and started frantically looking through her bag. “I think I left my phone there on the table!”
“No, I saw you with it, you sure it isn’t in there? Want me to call it?”
“No!” She replied so quickly and adamantly, you gave her a curious look.
“Ooookay… so, back to the restaurant?”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to go. Why don’t you go inside, get your preggers self all comfy, and I’ll be right back.”
“No, I don’t want you to drive back and forth by yourself. I’m fine–”
“Woman, don’t disobey me. Just go inside and find a good movie or something we can watch when I get back.”
Hesitant to do as she asked, you looked at her again and narrowed your eyes. “You’re being weird, why?”
“I’m not being weird at all.”
“Liar. What’s really going on?”
“Just go inside, please?” The way she said it made you think something was surely up, but you couldn’t deny her. Maybe she had put together an impromptu baby shower for you, and you didn’t want to ruin her hard work.
“Ok, just be careful driving, if that’s what you’re really doing.”
“I will! I won’t be long!”
You got out of the car and she immediately pulled out of the driveway and supposedly back towards the restaurant. Digging your keys from your bag, you approached the front door, and found it was already open. Trying to remember who had shut it; and if it was you, did you lock it? You were only a little over three months pregnant, but the scatterbrain part of it all was hitting you hard already.
When you opened the door, you immediately knew that someone had been in the house. There was a fragrance in the air that hadn’t been there before. As you peered around the corner towards the kitchen, you could hear the faintest bit of music playing from somewhere upstairs.
“Hello?” you called out–half hoping, half in fear–someone would reply hello back. “Someone here?”
Slipping out of your coat, you hung it on the rack and made your way towards the kitchen. There on the table was a note, a bottle of sparkling cider, and a single red rose. You knew right then, Jensen had to be there somewhere. The idea of which caused your whole body to start shaking with intense nerves and anticipation that you could be face to face with him at any second.
Picking up the note, your shaking hands slowly unfolded it. As you read the words scrawled in his familiar hand, your heart started pounding.
“When you found me, I was starved for adventure. One of your hands on my skin, took me to places I didn’t know existed. I want to tell you exactly how you make me feel, what the thought of you does to me… but first… pick up the treat I left you, and follow the candles.”
Looking around, you saw a few votive candles burning on the kitchen counter nearest to the stairs. You picked up what he had left you and headed in that direction. Sitting on the first landing, was another votive, with a note leaning against it and a glass for the sparkling cider.
You swallowed thickly as you picked up the second note and began to read.
“You have a way of igniting passion in me that feels inhuman. My need to feel you… on me, next to me, against me… drives me to the brink of insanity. Knowing that you are here, now, leaves me restless and waiting for you with bated breath. Take the glass to the top of the stairs, now. Then stop to pour yourself a drink.”
It was all so surreal. Surely this was a dream. Jensen wasn’t really upstairs waiting for you, was he? But on the same hand, all of this could only be his doing. You did as he commanded, and when you reached the top of the stairs, there was the final note, along with a small, wrapped gift propped up against one last candle. On the front of the note you read his instructions.
“Pour a drink first, then open me.”
Pouring the champagne, you licked your lips in anticipation; both for the drink and for whatever waited for you behind the closed bedroom door. Slowly opening the note, and giving the box a quick glance of curiosity, you brought your attention back to the paper in hand.
“Even though things somehow went bad, I still want you to be mine, and hope you want me to be yours. I fought it for a long time, but I finally gave myself over to you completely. It’s not just how your body feels against mine, or how your voice could bring me to my knees, it’s what you make me feel inside. The way your eyes spark when you stare at me, I can feel them marking my soul, making me yours in a way that goes beyond sins of the flesh. Come find me in the place where our passion is unmatched, where we came together as one. Bring the present and the cider. I’ll be waiting.”
Your heart was pounding like a jackrabbit now, but you did as he asked; grabbed the present and the bottle, and made your way into your room. As you opened the door to your bedroom, the first thing you sensed was soft music playing from the speaker in the corner. Once your eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, you saw how the candlelight flickered and casted shadows along the wall as if they were moving to the melody.
The song in the background faded, and ‘Unsteady’ by X Ambassadors began to play; a song that had come to mean quite a bit to you and Jensen. That was when he stepped out of the shadows and into your view. He looked just as good as he ever had. Dressed in a simple blue button down shirt, and jeans, his hair was a little longer than you remembered, and he had more than a few days worth of stubble on his cheeks. The site of his face made your eyes wet, but you forced them back. Carefully placing the bottle of cider on the night stand along with the notes and the box, you looked around the room, then back to him in wonderment.
“Welcome home,” he said, his voice raspy with emotion. “I’ve missed you.”
“Jensen…” his name left your lips in a whisper. That was all he needed to cross the room and sweep you up in his arms.
He lifted you up, your feet leaving the floor, and embraced you so tightly it was hard to breathe. But the feeling of his arms wrapped around you was so euphoric, you didn’t care how tight it was. He lowered you to the ground and moved back, although only a little, to take a long look at your face. He guided a stray lock of hair away from your eyes and peered deep into them. He swallowed loud and nervous. For what felt like the world’s longest minute, you didn’t know if he would say anything.
“You just left,” he said, his voice barely reaching a whisper. His face contorted into a hurt so deeply, he was almost unrecognizable. “You left, and that note…” he paused with an incredulous grunt, “that killed me. Because I knew it wasn’t true.”
“Jensen… I’m so sorry. I didn’t… I made the wrong choice.”
“Why? Why did you feel like you had to leave?” His voice retained the slow burn fire of a man who had been left in the dark for too long. “You leaving… Jesus Y/N…”
“I just… I felt like I had too.” It was a shitty answer, but it was the truth. It didn’t seem to help him understand any better.
“Because of the baby?”
You knew that he had known because of the article, but couldn’t help to wonder if Dee already told him about their meeting the night before. Unable to force words to leave your lips, you simply nodded.
“Y/N, are you still pregnant? Or did you…” he sighed deeply, clearly struggling with the words he had to say, but they got stuck in his throat.
Not wanting him to have to say it, you simply shook your head. You took his hand and gently placed it on your stomach. “I didn’t end it. I couldn’t.”
A mixed eddy of emotions tore across his face, so quickly that you weren’t sure which one he would settle on. Before giving him a chance to say anything, you turned around and went into the nightstand drawer. From there you pulled out your latest sonogram and cautiously handed it to him.
“I should have told you as soon as I found out, I was actually trying to think of a fun, grand way to tell you. Then, everything fell apart so quickly. Dee’s pregnancy, her infidelity, you and the kids taking off… I felt responsible for the problems you and Dee were having. Felt like I was ruining your family. I didn’t want this baby to do any more damage.”
Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off the picture of his child, though it still wasn’t much more than a white blob, he was already enamored.
“You still should have told me, Y/N. Despite all of that, I deserved to know.”
The hurt that painted his expression caused a sharp pain to coarse through your heart. He was one of the few people in the whole world that you never wanted to hurt. Yet, here you were watching the pain of your choices play out across his features.
“I know Jay, there’s no good excuse. I overreacted… I never read that note you left, until just last night. I assumed it was a Dear Jane letter. That maybe you didn’t know how to tell me to go, so you took the kids and left. I mean, what was I really? Someone you had great sex with… whether it was me and you, or the three of us. Besides, I wasn’t your wife. I knew you loved me, but IN love with me? That’s what you and Dee–”
“Stop! Just… stop.” Jensen took a step back and emitted a low rumble of frustration from his chest. “That’s a crock of shit, Y/N. Yeah, I love Dee. She’s the mother of my children and we have a long history, but IN love with her? I haven’t been in love with her for years. If I had been, I never would have made a move on you or pursued you the way I did. Don’t you see that?”
He searched your expression for some sort of confirmation, but you were overwhelmed and still in shock that he was here, in your room, in Haley’s house… in IOWA.
“Dammit, you don’t see it do you? Fuck, Y/N…” he ran his hands up and down his weary face, then took those few steps closer, and brushed his fingers against your cheek. “I was lonely, and unfulfilled. Then I come home one day and there you are, on the couch with Dee. I told myself that you were something fun, and maybe help rekindle my lust for life, and for my marriage. And, you did… just not how I expected.”
“Jay, you and Dee, you have years of history; you have kids. Maybe making me part of the family wasn’t–”
“Seriously? Y/N, no, that’s not fair to say. You woke me up! You are precisely and perfectly what I was waiting for.”
“Even with all the drama… the paparazzi, the scandals, the infidelity.. We were a freak show!”
“So? Like I give a shit what the world thinks. I don’t care about any of the things stacked against us. I don’t care about disagreements or circumstances. Because at the end of the day, I am yours, and you are mine.”
“I should have read your note that day. I regret not reading it, Jensen. If I had, none of this would be happening. I shoved it in my bag and left. I just found it last night, then Dee showed up, and–”
“Wait, wait… Dee was here? Last night? When?”
“Last night. She showed up around nine, right after the pizza guy. She had a P.I. find me, and she showed up. She gave me hell for leaving and not telling you about the baby. Then she showed me your divorce papers and said if I didn’t tell you about the baby, she would. Isn’t that how you found me, too? I assumed she told you.”
Jensen’s face broke out into a wide grin, and you didn’t know how badly you needed to see his smile again. “That woman, I swear. Drives me fucking crazy, but I suppose its part of her charm. No, Danneel didn’t say a word to me about you.”
“Then, how… how did you end up here?”
“My lawyer got a call from your friend Haley. Asked him to reach out to me, and have me call her. She told me you were here and that you wanted to see me, talk to me, but was scared to. I hopped on a flight, and here I am. She said she would get you out of the house so I could surprise you.”
“Oh, Imma kill her when she gets home,” you growled, and turned to pick up the glass of sparkling cider champagne. After downing the glass you sighed and chuckled softly. “Damn I wish that was alcoholic….”
“She’s just looking out for you, the way Danneel was looking out for me.”
“Jensen… What happens now? Do we just go back to all of us being together? I mean, are you sure a divorce from her is what you want? I don’t want her like that anymore. What the three of us had was fun, but ultimately, I don’t want you AND her. I want you. I had felt like that since she first left for Greece, maybe even before. It made me feel guilty; like a goddamn homewrecker.”
“No, there is no ‘three of us’ anymore. Danneel and I are getting divorced. I think that would have happened with or without you in our lives. She agrees, actually. It was just time to end it.”
“How is she okay with that?”
“Because she sees the truth.”
“Which is what, exactly?”
Jensen’s expression relaxed into something more thoughtful and soft. The way his green eyes bore into you, you felt every single thing he was about to say was exactly how he felt. “The heart knows when the search is over. You’re the one I want to wake up to at two a.m., rollover and know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”
“What about the kids? What about–”
“Stop, please. Stop worrying so much about everyone else, and what is best for them. The kids know what’s happening. Dee is going to stay in the big house with them. She wants to be there to be their mom, that’s her priority. As for me, well…” he shrugged and began to slowly caress your shoulders with both his hands. “Right now, there is nowhere else in the world I want to be. Question really is, what do you want?”
The baby began to move, as if they were putting in their opinion to the matter. Taking Jensen’s hand from your shoulder, you placed it on the spot where the flutters were. It was ever so slight, but he could feel the movement too.
“I want you, Jensen. You’re all I ever wanted. I just never thought in a million years, you’d want me just as much; forget falling in love with me.”
“Baby,” he started, but needed a moment to reign in some of the emotion he was feeling, “I will never stop falling in love with you… either of you.”
With that, you didn’t want to wait another moment to feel his lips pressed against yours again. Kissing him for the first time in months, truly felt like coming home. Everything that had been missing within you was replaced by that one kiss. His lips parted, and your tongues slipped together, swirling and circling with slow, but reckless abandon. Every part of your body instantly became alive under his touch, as if no time had gone by at all.
A slow, soft moan escaped you as his arms once again engulfed you, pushing you back towards the bed. The fire had been lit between you once again; as if it had ever really gone out in the first place. The desperation you both felt to have each other was maddening, and in a matter of seconds, clothes were flying in all directions, his mouth exploring your neck and chest as if he’d never been there before.
You arched your back and grabbed the sides of his head as his mouth moved further down on your body, fingers tangled into his longer hair; the stubble of his weeks growth tickling your slightly swollen belly. That’s where he paused, and kissed it ever so gently.
“You’re having my baby,” he purred and kissed your belly again. “Our baby…” the corner of his mouth twitched into an impish grin, and you could see passion had replaced all the uncertainty of the expression he wore when you first walked into the room.
“Our baby,” you echoed, caressing his cheek then running your fingers through his hair.
He moved up on the bed, repositioning himself so he was laying on the pillow next to you. “Do you remember when we used to play with the ice, and I would tease you, make you beg for me to be inside you?”
Just the flash of memories ignited that familiar heat between your legs that only he could seem to summon. “Of course…”
“Good, don’t ever forget it. Just because you and I are together and having a baby, doesn’t mean that I still don’t want you that way.” His hand gently glided through your hair, then traced the lines of your neck. Slowly they made their way to your chin, which he lifted up as he hovered above you. “Don’t ever forget who you belong to. You are mine. And I am yours. And once that kid is born, I’m going to make you beg for it again.”
The forceful, yet deep look of love that lived in his eyes was enough for you to melt under his touch.
“Don’t ever let me stop begging for you. I never want to be without you again.”
“Good girl,” he purred and leaned down to kiss your lips again.
This time as he kissed his way down your body, he didn’t stop until he reached your sex. Feeling him between your thighs was like the first time all over again. Suddenly nervous, yet excited for his touch, you let him take you in his mouth. Tongue and lips making a mess of you, and when he slipped his fingers inside you, you could feel his lips smile against your clit when you moaned at the feeling. He didn’t stop once you came, he kept going, making you squirm until you begged him for mercy.
Jensen sat up from between your legs, wiped his lips of your juices and gently laid up on top of you. As he reached down for a kiss, you could feel him slip up inside you. You both moaned in pleasure, and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. His eyes found yours, and as he began to move, thrusting slowly in out of you, he never let go of your gaze. Your nails dug into his flesh, his forehead hung down and pressed into yours, while your bodies rocked together in perfect unison. Just as he came inside you, he kissed you deeply and told you once again, how much he loved you; how you were forever his.
After, he lay beside you under the covers softly tracing the lines of your body, and kissing your shoulder.
“Did you peek inside the gift box over there?”
“No, I was a little distracted,” you laughed.
You were about to roll over and get it, but he beat you to it. You sat up on the bed, and pulled the covers up to cover your chest. Jensen couldn’t take his eyes off you, almost afraid if he did, you would just disappear. He finally handed you the box, and drew in a deep, nervous breath.
“Open it.”
Carefully removing the ribbon, you opened the box and saw a set of keys inside. Attached to the keys was a keychain that had a beautiful diamond ring beside it. You gasped, and touched at the keys and ring, unsure if this really wasn’t a dream of some kind.
“Jensen…”
“Marry me, officially be mine forever. I bought a house… right down the street from the kids in Austin. It’s ours… a place to start our own family, and still be close to our other family.”
Still speechless, you looked at the keychain and saw it had yours and Jensen’s initials on one side, and on the other it said, ‘Forever Mine’.
“Well? Will you?” he asked, and you couldn’t help but find his nerves rather adorable.
“Yes, Jensen. I would be a fool to say no, of course I will marry you!” The way things had gone that evening was nothing close to what you expected. You were beyond touched to know that he had this all waiting for you; waiting for you to realize your foolish decision and come back to him where you belonged.
Jensen exhaled, bringing a larger than life smile to his face. He quickly made work of taking the ring off the keys, and slipping it onto your finger.
“You know,” he started, then paused to admire the ring on your finger, “I wasn’t kidding about how lost and dead I felt inside before I met you. I never thought that anyone could make me feel what you made me feel. I tried so hard to hide my feelings, but with each passing night I didn’t show up at your apartment, I realized, even back then, beside you is where I belonged. Didn’t matter if I was home, in Vancouver, or any other city in the world. My mind, body and soul, were always with you. And it wasn’t just the sex, although, you have to admit we are damn good at it…”
You couldn’t help but laugh, and nodded in agreement. “No lies there.”
“It was just… you. Everything about you… your calm demeanor, how you always wanted to see the good in people. How you handled and took care of the kids. How you handled me. No one has ever been able to understand me like you do, or bring me to my knees the way you could.”
You knew what he meant by that, and a streak of guilt crossed over your heart.
“I promise I will never leave you like that again.”
“Good. Because if you did, I don’t think I would make it next time. Especially now knowing this lil peanut is on her way.”
“Her, huh?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s definitely a girl. I can just tell, I got a sense about it,” he teased and motioned his hand over your belly like a fortune teller over a glass ball.
“Well, we can find out in another month or so, I hope.”
“I say let’s leave it a surprise. There is nothing traditional about us or how we started. Why start now?”
You adjusted yourself so you were laying back down on the bed, and Jensen did the same. He put an arm around you and pulled you closer so you could lay your head on his chest. The two of you laid there like that for hours, excitedly talking in whispers about your future and caressing each other until sleep finally took over.
Nine months had passed since Jensen slipped the engagement ring on your finger, and never once did it leave its place there. Not even when you finally had gone into labor did you want to take it off. Jensen had been in New York at a convention when you called to tell him it was happening earlier than expected. Sixteen hours of intense pain and uncertainty while giving birth, and that ring helped you get through it since he couldn’t get to Austin in time. Delayed flights, lost luggage and weather related circumstances kept pushing his arrival back, and you begged the doctor to somehow postpone your labor.
“Sorry, sweetheart, can’t do it. This baby is coming now and not much we can do to stop it.”
Thankfully, Haley had been staying with you, and she stood by your side, with Jensen on the phone as you pushed and screamed, willing your bundle of joy into the world.
“Is she healthy? Is she okay? Is Y/N okay?” he asked in one breathless sentence. Haley was so overwhelmed by seeing you holding your baby, she could barely speak.
“Everyone is doing just fine, Jensen. I’ll send you a picture, but get here as soon as you can…”
He did just that, within two hours of the birth of your son, Jensen was racing through the hospital corridors searching for you. When he came into the room, out of breath and overly disheveled, you couldn’t stop the happy tears from falling at will.
“Hey,” he said in greeting, keeping his voice hushed and soft. “My God… she’s beautiful.”
“He…” you smiled and gently lifted the baby up into his arms. “We have a son, Jensen.”
“Really?” The word barely squeaked out of his lips, coated with so much sentiment it made you even more teary. “Our son…”
Jensen kissed his newborn son’s forehead so gingerly and studied his features like there would be a test on it later. He lowered himself to sit on the bed beside you, cradling the baby in one arm, and wrapping the other around your shoulders. He leaned over and kissed the side of your head, but didn’t let go of either of you.
“I was so sure it was a girl,” he chuckled. “But to have another son, thank you for this…”
“What should we call him?”
Jensen slowly let out a breath of air and smiled. “Been thinking about that a lot while trying to get home, but I had all girl names picked out. What do you think?”
“I think we should go with Zep’s choice. He said if he ended up having a baby brother, he wanted to name him Zooma.”
Jensen started laughing, “As in, Paw Patrol Zooma?”
You nodded and smiled. “Mhm, I told him that probably wouldn’t be a good name, so he asked if we could pick a ‘Z’ name so he wasn’t the only one of the kids with a name that started with ‘Z’.”
“Of course he did,” Jensen mused, then lovingly stared down at his son’s precious face. You sat there, watching the two of them, father and son, having their first moments together and felt beyond blessed and grateful that the long journey had come down to this moment.
“Zachary Allan Ackles…” Jensen whispered, then looked to you for your approval.
“I love it.”
The day Zachary was born lingered heavily in your mind, as the next most important day of your life was about to start. He was already a few months old, and starting to look more and more like Jensen every day. Zach inherited his father’s green eyes and perfect smile, and every time you looked at your son, you fell more in love with him, and his father. No more doubts had a chance to creep in since Jensen found you at Haley’s all those months before, because he never let an opportunity pass by to let you know how loved you were; how much he meant to keep you his, forever.
“Hey, Y/N, you ready?”
Haley’s voice cut through the memory and brought you back to the present day. You turned and smiled at her, nodding that you were.
“Just one minute, okay?”
She closed the door to your bridal suite, and you took one last look at yourself in the mirror. Smoothing out the simple, satin Ivory gown, you inhaled deeply and felt a slight bout of nerves start to rise.
“It’s my wedding day,” you mused quietly to the empty room. “I’m marrying the man of my dreams, in the house of my dreams, with our beautiful son by our sides. I don’t know what I did to deserve all of this, but I will never take any of it for granted.”
In the mirror’s reflection, you saw the door start to open again. Assuming Haley was coming in to get you moving, you turned and readied yourself with a sarcastic quip, but it fell from your lips when you saw Danneel enter the room.
“Sorry, to intrude, but the girls couldn’t wait to see you in your dress.”
From behind Dee, JJ and Arrow came bouncing into the room. They were absolutely beautiful in their matching flower girl dresses, big smiles plastered on their faces.
“Come on, Mom!” Arrow said, grabbing your handing and pulling you with all her might towards the door. “It’s time to go marry daddy!”
When she called you ‘Mommy’, your eyes snapped up to see Danneel’s expression, unsure how that would make her feel. But, if she did feel any sort of way, she didn’t show it. She seemed genuinely happy for you and Jensen; had even helped plan some of the wedding.
“Ok, ok, babygirl, I’m going,” you said, and smiled brightly.
Just before you all funneled out of the room, Dee gently touched your arm to stop you, and gave you a hug.
“I want you to know I am so happy for you both, I really, really am. I think we finally found the right way to all be one big happy family.”
You didn’t want to get overly emotional before you even walked down the aisle, but what she said at that moment made it difficult. “I think so too,” was all you managed to get out without crying.
Danneel however, couldn’t stop her own eyes from watering with them, and again, she didn’t seem bothered by it at all.
“There is no one else in this world I would trust with my kids, and certainly no one else I would ever feel comfortable with, calling Mommy. But you are, you know.”
“Thank you, that means more than you know.”
Dee squeezed your hand, and the two of you shared a moment that will never be forgotten.
“Ok, ok… now, let’s get you hitched!”
Austin in the spring was beautiful and warm, with bright blue skies and all the dogwood trees in bloom. You waited in the wings of the garden as JJ and Arrow did their thing, leaving pink and yellow petals dotting the satin aisle runner that would lead you to the altar where Jensen was. Zeppelin was at your side, looking cute as ever in his little suit Jensen had chosen for him to wear. Since you had no family, and no close male friends, Zeppelin had offered to hold your hand as you walked down the aisle, so you wouldn’t have to do it alone. The boy’s gesture filled you with a level of love and you were glad to take him up on it.
Now, as the music began to play, you and Jensen’s oldest son made the long walk through the garden and down towards the gazebo where you would finally become his wife. Taking your place next to Jensen, Dee quickly went up to take Zep’s hand and lead him to his seat right in the front row. Haley sat next to him, holding Zachary and trying her best not to start weeping before it even started.
Turning your attention to Jensen, you got to take in a good look at how handsome, and sexy, he was in his suit. It was a soft, ivory linen jacket and pants, white shirt unbuttoned to the nape of his neck, and sans tie. His hair was still a bit longer, and at your request, he allowed the growth of stubble to stay on his cheeks. But in the end, he could have been wearing a burlap sack for all you cared.
“You’re breathtaking,” he whispered, not wanting to interrupt the officiant’s beginning hyperbole of the ceremony. Jensen took your hand in his, and squeezed. “You ready?”
“Been ready,” you smiled and squeezed back.
“Friends, family, you’ve gathered today to witness the love between these two individuals grow into a promise of forever. They, along with their children, want to vow in front of your witness, of their intentions to love, cherish, honor and respect each other from now until the end of their days. Having gotten to know Y/N and Jensen well over these last few months, I have seen their deep affection for each other grow more and more each day. While I am not necessarily a religious man, I do believe that this union was written in Heaven only to be fulfilled here on Earth. The bride and groom have decided to speak vows they have written themselves, so at this time I ask them to pledge their dedication to one another. Jensen…”
“Y/N, you once said to me that we were very unconventional; freak show were the actual words you used.” A murmur of good cheer ripped through your guests, and caused you to smile and shrug slightly as Jensen continued. “You weren’t wrong, but the thing is, it doesn’t matter if we were the biggest freak show on the planet, because I’ve finally found my person. You have a way of knowing exactly what I need at any given moment. Your love and generosity has offered me a safe harbor when I’m feeling uncertain or scared. Your dedication to my other children has proved to me that you are not just my rock, but one of theirs, too. I can’t imagine my life without you and Zachary, and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us.”
Jensen paused, turned to Jared who stood up from his seat in the front and handed him the wedding rings. Jensen handed his to the officiant, then gently took your left hand and slid yours down your finger, resting perfectly against your engagement ring.
“Y/N, with this ring, I promise you endless amounts of love and laughter. You have my heart, my soul, my love and my loyalty until the day comes where I am no longer taking in breath. In the years we have together, I vow to support you, understand you, and never lose sight of our passion for each other. I am yours, forever.”
There wasn’t a dry eye among the guests, including yourself. Doing your best to get yourself together, you took the ring from the officiant, and held it tightly in one hand as you started your vows.
“Jensen, you came into my life so unexpectedly, that there are still some days I have to pinch myself to see if I am dreaming. With open arms and an open heart, you took the time to break down my walls, and love me for the hot mess I can be.” Another wave of chuckles carried on the breeze from those in attendance. “Yes, we are a freak show of sorts, but I wouldn’t have it any other way, because in the end we are being true to ourselves, and our feelings for each other and the family we’ve built. YOU are MY rock… you are my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. When hard times hit, or life gets messy, you know exactly how to help me see through to the bigger picture. I too, cannot wait to see the magic the future holds for us.”
Taking Jensen’s ring from the officiant, you took his hand and let the large ring glide down his finger.
“Jensen, with this ring, I promise you endless days of love and laughter. You have my heart, my soul, my love and loyalty until our days on Earth come to an end. In our future together, I vow to always support you, understand you, love and respect you. And I promise to never lose sight of our passion, or how deeply our love is rooted in soil. You are mine and I am yours, forever.”
“By the power given to me, by the great state of Texas, ladies and gentlemen, please rise and celebrate, Mr. and Mrs. Jensen Ackles!”
Before your names could even leave the officiant’s mouth, Jensen grabbed you and pulled you in for a deep, loving, but appropriate for the moment, kiss. You could hear Jared whistling and cheering, all three of the kids yelling out words of congratulations, the other guests following suit. It was a small wedding, but the jubilation they showered you with was loud and genuine. Even Danneel stood up and was clapping and cheering with the rest.
As you and Jensen turned to face all your friends and family, that moment was imprinted in your memory. Seeing all of the happy smiling faces, celebrating a love that you had thought would always be wrong and forbidden. Not anymore. Because now…
You were his.
He was yours.
And everyone in the whole world knew it.