Chapter Text
Anxiety claws at his chest as he waits for his name to be called. He takes a shaky breath and presses a hand against his chest, clad in an Armani suit, feeling his heart beating madly, trying to calm down. For a moment he contemplates turning on his heels and walking away, not ready to face the public so soon after everything. All because Rogers- fuck him, honestly, ‘freed’ the others. Wanda didn’t even have the collar anymore, she had a cute little bracelet Tony had made himself instead. Couldn’t he see they were fine? Well- not fine, they couldn’t see their families, but Tony was working on that. God, what if this interview goes wrong? What if he messes up? What if-
“… and now the great, the only, Tony Stark ladies and gentlemen!”
And god, he’s not ready. He can hear his heart beating madly, blood rushing to his ears and hands feeling numb, he can feel cold sweat on the back of his neck and his legs are feeling too heavy to move. He’s not ready
He breathes deeply
He plasters his camera smile on his face and walks out, holding out his arms, welcoming the cheers and claps. He does a little dance at the rhythm of the music being played by the band, slowly making his way to his chair and shaking Michael’s hand before turning back to the audience, still cheering, waving again and sitting down. He waits for the audience to calm down, which takes a while, before talking. “Hi” he says slowly, drawing out the word, making the audience cheer again. He leans back, unbuttons his jacket and crosses his legs, smiling broadly before turning to Michael.
“So, Tony- can I call you Tony?” Michael asks
“Sure thing Michael” he responds easily
“So, I think I can speak for everyone” he says, gesturing to the audience who cheers “when I say we are all wondering what happened this past months” he says “is it true?” He asks and the audience quietens again “you stayed out of the public eye because the soldiers hurt you? I mean, I’m no doctor but you seem fine to me”
“I am now, but I have to admit, I had a bit of a medical problem, and yes, it was caused by the Soldiers” Tony admits
“So you did fight the soldiers, and got injured in doing so?” Michael asks interested
“Yeah I did, but that’s not the only reason I stayed away” he says cryptically, instigating a curious ooooh from the audience
“Why else did you stay away? Perhaps afraid of the fallout of the disaster Thaddeus Ross made of the accords?” He asks only half joking
“He did make quite a bit of a mess” Tony admits
“I admit I am a little confused. Will you explain what happened to us? After all, what better source is there than you?”
“Well, Michael, Ross was monopolizing the Accords for his own benefit, making them restrictive rules to control the enhanced, as opposed to the set of guidelines they were supposed to be” he explains “they were supposed to help make what we as the Avengers did legal, making us able to enter sovereign countries legally and with the country’s permission. And that’s exactly what they are now. A set of guidelines for when we need to enter another country, which is what the previous one hundred and eighteen, and now one hundred and forty five countries signed for” he says with a smile, ignoring his madly beating heart in favor of looking calm and collected “but I’m not here to talk about the Accords” Tony says changing the argument “I’m here to announce the new branch of Stark Industries, which will be taking an interest in the biomedical engineering field” he says grinning, the audience cheering and clapping, someone whooping.
Michael claps too, and starts asking questions about the newest addition to Stark Industries
The rest of the interview passes by, and Tony finds himself sitting in his car, the driver silent, the opposite of Happy’s usual curious concern- god he misses his friend, and rubs his eyes with a shaky hand, breathing slowly. He checks his phone and finds the interview has already been viewed seven hundred thousand times in the last ten minutes. He checks the video over, looking carefully for any sign that the holo-glasses didn’t work and finds none. He lets out a relieved breath and relaxes a fraction, letting his head rest against the cold glass of the car window.
It’s snowing, he realizes distantly.
It shouldn’t be snowing, he thinks, it’s almost the middle of March, it shouldn’t be snowing this heavily.
He loved snow when he was a child. He used to play with his mother in the snow, creating snowmen and making snow angels, making him feel normal for once. They used to play an Italian game of cards called Machiavelli and drink hot chocolate and stay cuddled up on the carpet in front of the chimney, under as many blankets as they could gather. They used to make blanket forts and hide in them and Jarvis would help them and smile fondly at Tony.
But now. Now it reminds Tony of Siberia and ‘he’s my friend’ and ‘so was I’ and cold slowly crawling up his limbs and frozen blood and oh god he can’t see from one eye and St-Rogers left him, he left him to freeze left him to die and-
He doesn’t like snow anymore.
He closes his eyes and rests, waiting to arrive at the compound.
OoO
He can’t- he can’t breathe- someone is choking him- like his mamma and he can’t breathe and -
“Barnes?” He asks, suddenly seeing who is choking him- like his mamma- like Maria and he killed her Barnes killed her and now he’s killing Tony-
“Bucky!” Steve says- and thank god there’s Steve now he’ll help him he’ll save him and- he smiles
Steve is smiling at Barnes, happily ignoring Tony choking at the end of Barnes’ metal arm-like his mother like his mamma- and then he turns to Tony finally noticing him and please help- he can’t breathe- and Steve is still smiling- why is he smiling? He doesn’t understand why isn’t he helping Tony why is he letting him die and suddenly it’s cold so, so cold
“Why?” Tony asks as his vision starts blacking out and it’s cold so cold
Steve smiles “because he’s my friend, Tony”
OoO
Tony wakes with a start, hyperventilating and shivering, and it’s cold- why is it so cold?
He looks around and notices he’s still in the car, and it’s still snowing outside. He closes his eyes, trying to regain control over his breathing. Slowly, very slowly, his breaths turn slower and deeper, and his hands stop shaking.
The cold lingers
OoO
He can’t be followed to the farm, so he takes the suit and flies there. The suit is on autopilot, and it takes a while, and when he finally arrives he’s exhausted. If by the interview, the nightmare or the panic attack he doesn’t know. As soon as he walks in a crying Nathaniel is placed in his arms. Tony starts and, if it weren’t for the fact that his arms registered the importance of the wailing bundle before his mind did, he would have dropped him. Instead he holds him up at arms length, for a moment unsure of what he’s supposed to do. He looks at Laura, but she’s probably going to deal with the fighting kids he can hear in the other room. He looks at the baby, and the baby looks back at him with large eyes, forgetting to cry and staring curiously at Tony. Or at Tony’s glasses. Tony shifts awkwardly, and goes to sit on the couch
OoO
When Laura finally calms the kids down and says one last “keep your hands to yourself- and yes, feet too, Lila” she comes back to the living room to apologize for having basically thrown Nate at Tony. They’re on the couch, Tony holding Nate close to his chest and with a half smile on his face. Nate is talking gibberish, one fisted hand holding onto Tony’s shirt and the other halfway in his mouth, drooling all over what seems to be a very expansive Armani suit. She is about to intervene when Nate abruptly stops and looks up at Tony as if asking something. Tony nods and speaks “that is SO interesting. I’m officially intrigued” Nate smiles happily, not even understanding but happy at being talked to “keep talking, I’m listening” Tony says with an encouraging nod. Nate launches back in his gibberish and Tony keeps listening and giving encouraging nods and words. Not that Nate understands but Tony’s reassuring tone is enough for him to keep ‘talking’
At some point Tony looks up to meet her eyes and she smiles.
Tony gives her a barely there, but nonetheless there smile
She leaves, Nate is in good hands