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It Lies Behind Stars

Chapter 7: Brightest in the Dark

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Loki was frantic as he lay Anthony on the bed, not caring that he was getting blood all over the expensive sheets. Anthony’s wound was bleeding freely as Loki tore away his shirt, the blood flowing too quickly and yet, at the same time not quickly enough, causing Loki’s fingers to shake. Because that meant that Anthony’s heartbeat was slowing, and Loki knew that he didn’t have a lot of time. 

He lay his hands over the wound, slipping against the blood as he pushed his seiðr into the Anthony’s shoulder. He was tired, he was exhausted. He had already pushed himself to his limits in the past few hours, used his seiðr far more than he should have. 

But that didn’t matter, because Anthony needed his help. So Loki knelt close beside Anthony on the large mattress and pushed himself further still. 

The wound was serious, but it was not as bad as it could have been. The bullet had gone all the way through, and as Loki closed his eyes and concentrated, probing the injury, he could tell that no pieces of material had made their way inside. For the most part, Anthony had been lucky– except for the way that the bullet had nicked an artery running through his shoulder, causing him to bleed profusely and making the injury far more dangerous than it would have been otherwise. 

Loki had never been brilliant at healing, but he had more than enough determination and willpower, forcing the world to move around him as he challenged the impossible and fought the laws of the world. Every part of him was crying out for Anthony’s survival and so he made it happen, finding a loophole in the process to make up for his lack of skill– because, after all, the body already knows how to heal, knows what it needs to do. All Loki needed to do was speed the process along. 

So even as his hands began to tremble and his body began to ache, Loki continued to fuel Anthony’s body with more and more energy until the artery stitched shut, muscle knitted back together, and the wounds in skin closed over, leaving only a shiny white scar. A trained healer might have been able to make it so there was no mark at all, but Loki didn’t care– because a scar would be a small price to pay in exchange for Anthony’s life. 

Loki was swaying by the time that it was done, and he felt rather than saw Anthony begin to wake. 

“Loki?” Anthony asked, and his voice was croaked but it was so very, very alive

Loki whimpered, and all but fell on top of Anthony, his arms curling under Anthony’s intact shoulders as his body was wracked with shakes.

hug

“What were you thinking?” Loki asked hoarsely, holding on tight. “Why did you do it?”

“I didn’t think,” Anthony admitted, turning his head to press his cheek firmly to the top of Loki’s shoulder. “I just… I need you to be safe.”

Loki choked on a sob, curling his hands more tightly around the man that he still loved. It was impossible to deny that fact, and he was resigned to Anthony still knowing it as well. Yet the relief he was feeling overwhelmed all else, fighting even his tiredness as he refused to let exhaustion pull him from the feel of Anthony’s hands coming to rest on his waist.

Thinking that he was about to lose Anthony had been the worst moment of his life, more painful even than realising that Anthony had betrayed him– though now, of course, Loki was beginning to wonder whether that had ever truly been the case at all. 

But, for now all that mattered was that Anthony was out of the woods. There was no longer any concern that he would not recover, for he was already completely healed.

Loki held on to that, letting it wash over him and hold back the tidal surge of pain that threatened to envelop him now that he was no longer so focused on Anthony’s wound. Because they hadn’t truly spoken about where they would go in the future– because Loki had thought that there wouldn’t be a future. At least, not for them

Earlier, he had believed that he would have to leave, because he couldn’t trust Anthony– now, he thought that maybe he could, and suddenly staying almost seemed like a viable option. 

As long as it was something that Anthony wanted as well, that is. 

They had both hurt each other so much, causing pain and torment where none had been necessary. Anthony should have revealed the truth earlier, but when it had come out, Loki had not even given the mortal a chance to explain himself– he had simply fled, too afraid to wait for Anthony’s words. And then, rather than merely leaving well enough alone, Loki had mustered up all of his pain and tried to force it upon Anthony instead, hoping that making him hurt would make Loki feel better himself. 

And then, because of Loki, Anthony had been shot by one of his own teammates. 

Anthony had said that he still cared for Loki, but Loki wouldn’t blame him if he had changed his mind. 

The soft strokes of Anthony’s hands over his waist brought him back out of his thoughts, and then Anthony was struggling to sit back into an upright position. Loki helped him lean back against the headboard, and then he sat back on his heels and just waited for Anthony to take the next step. But Anthony just watched him with concern for a while, and it was only after a minute or so of silence that he began to speak. 

“You’re tired,” Anthony said softly– an observation, not a question, and his fingers came to brush over the round scar on his own shoulder. “You didn’t need to do so much.” 

“Of course I did,” Loki said, and although it wasn’t the only – nor even the most significant – reason why, he added, “You saved my life, and you risked your own—” 

“And you saved mine, despite every shitty thing that I have ever done to you,” Anthony said. “And then… you brought me back here. Why here?”

Loki shrugged. He didn’t really want to admit that this was the one place he felt safe, that despite the fact that this was where he had learned of Anthony’s betrayal, it was the first place he had thought of. 

His own apartment was completely destroyed, after all, and there was nowhere else that they could go. He was sure Anthony was capable of at least reaching that conclusion on his own. 

But Anthony, it seemed, would not be so easily swayed.

“There is something wrong,” Anthony deduced. “You brought me here, when you know that they’re just going to come straight after you again the moment they realise where we are.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Loki replied. “I… I don’t suppose that I will be here much longer.”

Anthony deflated a little then, as if he had forgotten– and that gave Loki the courage he needed to ask his next question. 

“Unless… you want me to stay?”

Anthony’s eyes widened, his hands pressing into the mattress either side of him as he said, “I don’t want you to go.”

“Then I won’t,” Loki said, the words sounding distant behind his own nervousness– because even though this was something he wanted, it still didn’t quite feel real. “I’ll stay as long as you need.”

“No,” Anthony said, shaking his head. “Not as long as I need. Loki, please, stay with me for as long as you want– as long as you think that you’re willing to give me another chance.” 

The words were a knife to the heart, because Anthony thought that Loki wouldn’t want to. But Loki was more than willing to give Anthony all of the chances in the Nine, because now that he knew Anthony hadn’t betrayed him, hadn’t reported to the Avengers and hadn’t wanted him caught—

Anthony had been willing to take a bullet for him.

But what had happened before was such an awful mess, sitting heavy between them and forcing them further apart. Loki wished that he could just sweep it away, to remove the problem and just go back to the way they were before Loki realised that Anthony was an Avenger. 

Although… perhaps, there was a way that he could.

“I am so sorry for what I did, Anthony,” Loki said. “It’s not you that needs a second chance.”

Anthony’s lips parted, but before he could respond Loki was already continuing. 

“If you want, if it’s easier, we can start over,” Loki said gently. “Pretend that we have only just met.” He held out a hand like he had seen other humans do on a first greeting, or like an Asgardian expecting to clasp arms in a friendly manner. “I would… I don’t mind looking past what happened before, because I want you more than I want to stay resentful. So… we can start again, pretend that this is the beginning we deserved.” 

But when Anthony smiled, he ignored Loki’s hand and reached out to cup Loki’s cheek instead. His thumb brushed in a soft stroke over Loki’s skin, and Loki leaned into his touch, tired eyes fluttering closed for a moment.

“No,” Anthony said, causing Loki to look at him again with concern that was washed away with Anthony’s very next words.. “I don’t want to start again. What happened between us might have hurt– but I don’t want to forget it, because it happened between us. I will always cherish the memories of our time together in this tower, whether you want to make new ones or not, and I don’t want to pretend that they never happened because they’re too precious to let go of.”

Loki’s heart was hammering in his chest, catching on easily to the fact that Anthony wasn’t just talking about the memories– he was talking about Loki himself. And Anthony was looking at him almost as if… as if he felt the same way that Loki did, and Loki couldn’t help but bring his own hand to Anthony’s cheek so that they were mirroring each other. He leaned in slowly, wanting nothing more in that moment than to feel the press of lips—

But the memory of Anthony flinching away last time was more than enough to make him hesitate before taking that final leap, hitting him hard enough to freeze in his tracks and go completely still. 

And then Anthony was leaning in the rest of the way to connect their lips in a sweet kiss, their mouths sliding together slower but with more ease than they had before. Loki braced himself against the headboard with one hand so that he could lean closer, eagerly drinking in as much of Anthony as he could. Even when their lips parted they continued to hold each other tight, their foreheads pressed together and their eyes remaining closed. 

“I have wanted to do that for weeks,” Anthony said, his voice a breathless whisper. “But I didn’t want to be with you when you didn’t know the truth. I didn’t want to start with a lie.” Loki looked at Anthony then, and found Anthony looking at him, their gaze meeting with soft smiles. 

“I have wanted this as well,” Loki replied. “For so long.”

“And now we can, because there are no more secrets between us,” Anthony said. And then Loki took the chance, his fears falling away as he leaned down to kiss Anthony again– just soft and light, nothing more than a touch of lips. There was no longer anything to prove, and the kiss didn’t need to be anything more than an affirmation of how they felt. 

After a few more moments of contentment, Loki shifted to sit beside Anthony, using some of his little remaining energy to clean away the drying blood as he did so, to make sure that they could be comfortable as possible. Anthony leaned over the side of the bed to grab a mostly-clean shirt that had been discarded on the floor the day before, and pulled it over his head before pulling Loki back into his arms. Loki leaned contentedly against him, his head coming to rest on Anthony’s shoulder as their sides pressed together. 

“Thank you for saving me,” Anthony said, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Loki’s head. “I don’t think I said that before.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Loki whispered. “I would do it again in a moment– and not in exchange for my own life, but because I couldn’t bear to live in a world without you in it.” 

Anthony’s smile turned sweet, and they curled in against each other, fingers exploring, exchanging light touches and just being together in a way that they had both yearned for, but had never managed before. They had been through a lot, and had suffered so much– but at least for now, they could simply enjoy the relief of finding each other again. 

“Sirs,” JARVIS said, his voice low and quiet as if he were afraid of breaking the atmosphere– though his words, unfortunately, did that for him. “I do not wish to interrupt, but the Avengers have just entered the lobby.”

Loki felt himself go still, and Anthony ran a soothing hand down over his arm. 

“Well, that’s polite of them,” Anthony said. “If I’m honest, I was expecting the quinjet to land on the roof.”

Loki didn’t laugh– because he knew what was coming. But, that was okay, because now that he knew Anthony was an Avenger so much of his personality had come to make sense. He knew that Anthony wanted to do good, that he wanted to help people– and so Loki knew exactly what he must do. 

“If you want to go back to them,” Loki said, “then it is not too late. I can make it appear that I have put a spell on you, and we can continue to keep our affection for one another a secret—”

Anthony cut him off with a kiss, quieting Loki’s words with the press of lips and a quick flick of his tongue which made Loki gasp. And when Anthony pulled away, his eyes were burning with something fierce. 

“When I said no secrets, I meant it,” Anthony murmured, his fingers soft through Loki’s hair. “Loki, I don’t want to hide this. I don’t want to hide this from anyone, not ever.” 

The Avengers were on their way, were even in the building. Yet instead of making preparations or putting on a suit, Anthony instead leaned closer to Loki and kissed him again, moving slow and languid, as if they had all the time in the world. Loki whined against Anthony’s mouth, threading his fingers through his hair as he was lost in the sensations, in the feel, in the taste of Anthony on his tongue. 

When their lips pulled apart, Anthony’s mouth moved to Loki’s cheek instead– and then to his forehead, his brow, his nose. Anthony was kissing every part of Loki that he could reach, until Loki was laughing with delight and catching Anthony’s lower lip between his own once more.

They were both grinning then, enjoying the return of the ease between them and feeling so very, very happy. 

So happy, in fact, that Loki was sure nothing could make it better. 

But, as he was so often wont to do, Anthony then went and proved him wrong. 

“JARVIS,” Anthony said, his tone light and amused.. “Let the Avengers into the elevator, and then stop it. Make sure the top of it is sealed so Natasha won’t be able to get out– and then threaten to drop it if they don’t leave.”

“Anthony?” Loki asked, shocked and curious. Surely he wasn’t going to—

“What?” Anthony asked, turning to him with a smirk that was at odds to the softness in his gaze. “Not villainous enough? Maybe I should just have JARVIS trap them in there and then put the Powerpuff Girls theme song on repeat. Would that work for you?”

“You… but you’re a hero,” Loki said. “Even if you don’t want to join the Avengers, you’re still good. And that is fine, you don’t... You don't need to pretend for me. I know that you’re a hero, and I would be willing… I can be better, for you.”

“Loki, sweetheart, I would never want you to change,” Anthony said. “You’re perfect the way you are, okay, and I wouldn’t ask that of you. Not because I don’t think you could do it, but because I don’t want you to be miserable, and because I like the person you are now. If I wanted a hero, I’d have my pick. But I don’t. I want you.”

Loki felt those words curl through him like a soft wave of pleasure, and he knew that he would hold them dear. 

Unlike all of the people on Asgard who had always tried to tell him that he needed to be more polite, less judgemental, more courteous– that he needed to follow the rules and stop being so mischievous and why can’t you just be more like everyone else… Unlike anyone that Loki had ever met, Anthony only wanted him, just the way that he was. 

He felt it as curl of pleasure in his chest and a steady thrum in his heart, and it only made him all the happier that everything that had happened had led him here. But despite the way they made him feel, Loki knew that there was a fact which they would still need to deal with. 

“But you are still a hero,” Loki said. “And treating the Avengers this way… it will not help you clear your name.”

“I’m no hero,” Anthony corrected. “I am Iron Man– and by all accounts, Iron Man is a villain.”

Loki shook his head, wondering why Anthony wasn’t seeing what Loki was, because– “You got out of your suit, if the world realises that Tony Stark is—”

“Oh Pepper will probably kill me for it,” Anthony said with a nod. “But that doesn’t matter. I want to be with you, Loki, and I already told you that I don’t want to hide that. Not ever. And I meant it.”

Loki’s breath caught as he understood what Anthony was trying to say. Because Anthony wasn’t just choosing to stay with Loki over being part of the Avengers– he was choosing to be with Loki in every way, not just his lover but his partner, choosing Loki’s life, his methods, his morals. He was choosing to embrace the way that they had fit together so perfectly as a team, willing to stand by Loki’s side in all things. 

Loki had thought that he might have to change– would have been willing to do so, even, because as much as he didn’t think he would fit the life of a hero, he would have been willing to do it for Anthony, so that he could continue as he was. It would not have been perfect, but it would have been perfect enough

But now, Anthony was offering everything, and it was more perfect than Loki could have asked for. 

Oh,” Loki whispered, and Anthony smiled as his hand came to cup the side of Loki’s neck.

“I’ve always been more of an anti-hero anyway. It wouldn’t take much to make that final jump,” he said. “I did some good as a villain before. And I think I like your way of doing things better than the Avengers’.”

Loki did chuckle at that, and Anthony watched him with such tenderness in his gaze that it made Loki feel weak, his chuckles fading to a smile that he leaned up to brush along the line of Anthony’s jaw. 

“Don’t you see how much you mean to me?” Anthony asked gently. “Everything that you are, everything that is you. You’re it for me.”

“Anthony?” Loki asked, breathless, hesitant, hopeful

Anthony’s smile was small, and his words were true. “I love you, Loki,” he whispered. 

Loki’s smile was so wide it ached, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I love you, too.”

They didn’t lean in again from there, not feeling the need. They simply gazed at each other with ridiculous grins, both filing the moment away in their minds to hold on to forever. 

“So, what do you say?” Anthony asked, cutting through the softness with an amused spark in his eye– and yet, still a touch of nervousness to the tilt of his lips. “Loki Liesmith, will you be my literal partner in crime? I could use the guidance for my official downfall to the better side– and besides, it only makes sense. I’ve already got the obnoxious lair with my name plastered across the top. And with enough convincing, I might even be tempted to share it.”

“I’d like that,” Loki admitted, unable to help the incredulous laugh even as he felt so very blessed by the realisation that Anthony was asking him to move in. There would no longer be any uncertainty, no longer a need for Loki to feel like he was invading Anthony’s space or arriving uninvited. This time, Anthony had asked, and Loki, of course, was saying yes. “I would like that a lot.”

“Yeah?” Anthony asked. “That’s good, because so would I.” 

And as their smiles pressed together for yet another kiss, Loki knew that things were only going to get better. They still had things to discuss, to work on, but they both knew that they could. There wasn’t anything left to bring them down– Doom had been dealt with, and the Avengers weren’t an issue either. JARVIS had control over the Tower, and was more than capable of keeping the Avengers away– at least for now. No doubt they would be back, but Loki knew that he and Anthony would be more than enough of a match for them. 

There was nothing to worry about, nothing to stop them from simply holding each other and letting the happiness wash over them for a few more sweet moments, curling together and surrendering to the exhaustion of all they had survived with contentment curving up their lips. 

The road had been long and full of pain, but it had led them to a place where they could be together and be happy. They had a future of mischief and villainy ahead of them, and that?

Well, that sounded like everything Loki had ever hoped for.

kiss

Notes:

You can find the art for this chapter on tumblr here.