Chapter Text
He usually fell asleep very easily, especially after eating that much, but the hurricane in his mind made it impossible to rest. He kept replaying the events from earlier and imagining different scenes and outcomes of what would have happened if he had done something else. In one of them, he kept his stupid mouth shut and endured all the homophobic comments. In another, he stayed at home and spent the weekend with Adam; at this point that one was probably his favourite one. In the last scenario, he dramatically and proudly came out (he even had a speech prepared at this point).
The worst part wouldn’t be the comments but the fact that he would be able to feel every single feeling that went through everyone in the room. Would it be anger? Pity? Embarrassment? He didn’t want to find out. But at least in that scenario, he wouldn’t have to feel the guilt of lying. The problem wasn’t that he was lying to them, but that it felt more like he was lying to Adam.
He felt guilty over having to censor himself; it made it seem like he was ashamed of himself or something. He knew shouldn’t be, but back at the dinner table he had felt his gut sink and he hated it. The feeling had caught him off guard. They should be the ones feeling bad about this, not him.
He sat up in the stiff bed and sneaked over to the dresser to find his phone, careful not to wake Alice. He brought his phone back to his bed and crawled under the covers to minimize the light. Adam usually stayed up pretty late, especially on holidays, so it was no surprise when he responded immediately.
