Chapter Text
You woke up the next morning tucked into the bed in Namjoon’s room with your head pounding; you weren’t sure whether it was from the copious amount of alcohol you’d drank the night before or the endless crying you’d done. Sitting up made the world spin and you nearly wretched the contents of your stomach over the side of bed, barely managing to fight off the wave of nausea when you saw Namjoon curled up on the floor with a pillow and a throw blanket that was way too small to cover him. You whined a pathetic sound, feeling even more sorry for yourself now that you remembered he’d barged into the room after watching Jungkook storm out. He’d spent the whole night - the entire remainder of his party - keeping you company and taking care of you when you got sick, insisting it was no big deal.
Sneaking from the bed as best you could, you tiptoed over his sleeping form and tried to ignore the bile building in the back of your throat. You rummaged around his desk, searching for a piece of scrap paper and something to write with (and finding your cell phone in the process,) and jotted down a ‘thank you’ note for Namjoon to find when he finally woke up. It was honestly the least you could do after he sat through your both your word-vomit about what had happened with Jungkook and your actual vomit.
You frantically scoured the house for your keys, growing increasingly anxious with every second that passed without them. It took running outside and seeing your car was also gone to realize that Jungkook had left you stranded last night. You weren’t sure if you were pissed or grateful for it; both options seemed to hurt equally. Sitting on the curb outside while you waited for your Uber, you tried working through it: on one hand, he took your fucking car after what had happened; on the other, he took your fucking car, ensuring you wouldn’t drink and drive, after what had happened.
The hangover you’d woken up with at Namjoon’s place was nothing compared to the sheer agony you felt, the crushing ache in your chest, when you entered your apartment and saw the living room had been stripped of all of Jungkook’s things. You had no idea how he’d moved everything out so quickly - it had been even quicker than when he’d moved in and you had helped him with that - but there was no computer, no suitcase full of clothes, no black bag, no sign that he had been living with you to begin with. Besides the hole in your heart and his sister’s room, there was nothing left of Jungkook here.
You crossed the room and threw yourself into your chair - the chair - and stared blankly at the couch where he’d slept, replaying last night in your mind for the first since you were sober. Jungkook had caught you off guard, told you he was in love with you - told you he had been his entire life. It had set something off inside you, flipped a switch you didn’t even know existed, and you realized, holy shit, you loved him too. Jungkook was cocky, arrogant, snarky, and sometimes spiteful, but he was funny, protective, and so caring too. You loved him back. You don’t know when it started, but it wasn’t new and he was right: Jiyeon knew. So why had you locked up when he asked - begged - you to admit you felt the same?
You buried your face in your hands, heart seizing in your chest, and broke down for the umpteenth time in the past eight hours. You could still see that look on his face, hear the way he’d pleaded with you to say it even if you didn’t mean it, feel the way his heart had fucking shattered, in your mind's eye, clear as day. You replayed his voice in your head again and again: don’t try to find me.
Crawling over to the couch, you buried your face in the cushions. If you shut your eyes and inhaled deeply, you could pretend he was still here. You thought back to when you’d had a particularly bad night and you climbed on top of him. He didn’t ask questions, just wrapped his arm around you, laid your head on his chest, and held you for as long as you needed.
Jungkook was in love with you - and how hadn’t you seen it? Jungkook was in love with you, because of course he was. Through the teasing, through meeting your fire with fire, through the constant push and pull between you, he had loved you. He had protected you, he had comforted you, he had stepped in and stepped up when Jiyeon died. Of course he was in love with you. And of course you were in love with him too. Of course you were. It’s why you had never kept anyone else around for long. Even the qualities you loved in Taehyung, the boyfriend you thought you had liked the most, were qualities you’d seen in Jungkook first. Jungkook could be fiery and impulsive, but underneath it, he was gentle and sweet - just like Taehyung. There had never been anyone else you kept around for long because you had always been looking for him in other people. It had always been him.
But you had realized it too late and the suddenness of that realization had sent you into a panic attack. You locked up, froze up, couldn’t even tell him to just wait - just wait one more second, please. And now he was gone and you didn’t know where to look even if you did try to find him.
Jungkook was gone because you’d been too stupid and too scared to realize what had been right in front of you all along. Jiyeon was gone too, taken from you both way too soon. Their presence in your life had been the only thing you had ever been sure of before. Your one indisputable truth.
And now they were gone.
~ ~ ~
You thought you had cried all your tears already, but then you woke up in the middle of the night and realized you were wrong. Jiyeon had haunted your dreams again, and so had he. You couldn’t call it a nightmare, not really, because it had actually happened: that night in the ER when your world had ended, when it felt as if the sky had ripped itself open and torn a black hole right through you. That night when Jiyeon had died. You had replayed it so many times before in your dreams, but now there was no Jungkook around to wake up and ask to hold you. This time, you were alone.
Pulling the covers around you tighter, you tried to shake the flood of emotions gnawing at you and go back to sleep, but every time you’d begin to drift off, something would pull you right back into the throes of losing her again: a memory, a thought, a promise. You fisted the blankets in your hands and squeezed your eyes tight, trying to remember what her face looked like - what her voice sounded like. And then you wondered if you’d forget him too. So, you crawled from the bed and crossed the hallway, using your phone as a flashlight, and stepped into her room, knowing you could find pieces of them both there.
The coating of dust on her things had grown even thicker, which came as no surprise to you because you still hadn’t been able to bring yourself to touch her things. Setting your phone on the bed, you walked over to the bookshelf and scanned the picture frames there, surprised and hurt to find that Jungkook had actually returned one of the photographs he’d taken: the one of the three of you on Halloween all those years ago. Even if you’d hurt him, even if you’d broken his heart, you couldn’t believe he’d put that one back; it had meant so much - it had meant everything.
You brought your hand to your mouth, unsurprised to find yourself shaking, and threw your head back in a sorry attempt to will the tears back into your eyes.
“Fuck.”
You bit into your lip, hard enough to hurt, but it wasn’t enough to hold back the anguished shout that ripped from your throat.
“Fuck!”
You didn’t think. You couldn’t think. You only felt.
Stepping to the side, you grabbed the bookshelf and tore it down, screaming and sobbing and ripping at your hair as it hit the ground - picture frames and glass and all those memories shattering at your feet.
You couldn’t stop screaming. You couldn’t stop crying. You couldn’t stop clawing up and down your body, wanting to tear your heart from your chest. You couldn’t stop.
Letting your knees slam into the floor on the way down, you laid on your belly and reached under the shelf, sifted through the shards, to find the photograph - the photograph. You pressed it to your chest with one hand and dragged yourself through the glass with the other, barely strong enough in this moment to pull yourself onto the bed.
Rolling over onto your back, you felt around the blankets until your fingertips found your phone. You opened up the dial screen and called her number for the first time in a long time, barely coherent enough to recognize the sound of your own voice.
“Jiyeon, I messed up. I messed up so badly.”
~ ~ ~
Hoseok leaned over the table, face resting in his palm, quietly watching you. You fiddled with your fingers, trying to wait out the silence, but growing increasingly anxious. There was a palpable tension in the air that hadn’t been present the last time you’d come to visit him. You wondered if he’d had a rough day. Was he sleeping? Did he still have nightmares? Did therapy go okay today? Was he on the brink of another relapse? What if he left the facility?
Maybe Jungkook had been by and told him what had happened. Maybe he was upset with you. Or, maybe you were just upset and projecting it onto him. You’d never felt so nervous with Hobi before - never felt like you didn’t know what to say. Either way, you shot him what you hoped was a sympathetic look and asked, “how have you been doing?”
Hoseok made a low, discontent sound in his throat, pressing his lips into a thin line, and looked away. When he finally looked back at you, he’d plastered the saddest smile you’d ever seen on his face. “I’m alive,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. You knew what words he’d left unsaid: I’m alive, and I don’t want to be. Your heart ached, twisting at the sight of that forced, placating grin. In some ways, that fake expression hurt even more than seeing him cry. It just wasn’t him. You realized that when Jiyeon died, she’d somehow simultaneously left the three of you behind and taken you all with her.
"I met a few people like me in group therapy, which would be nice if it wasn’t so depressing. Makes me want to drink again,” Hoseok continued, forcing out a pathetic, humorless laugh. You couldn’t bring yourself to laugh along with him; the image of him in that hospital bed, hallucinating that Jiyeon was still there with him, asking for you to just let him die was still too fresh in your mind to force one out. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, and added,”there’s a girl there who lost her husband when he threw himself over an IED. He saved his unit, but he might as well have killed her. And I get it. I get her. She’s probably my only friend here. Don’t talk to the others that much.”
You wanted to ask him more, but his body language was already very closed off and you didn’t want to shut him down - you’d seen him go through so much already - so you let the quiet stretch on for a few more moments, thinking over what he’d said. Finally, you asked, “you don’t like being here, do you?”
“That obvious, huh,” he replied, cocking his head to the side. “I hate it, actually, but I can’t be out there, in the real world, just yet. Besides, Jiyeon would’ve wanted me here. It’s what’s best for me right now, even if just living here costs me an arm and a leg.” After another few moments he added, “god, I’m not looking forward to going through my mail pile at home.”
“So,” he started, sighing heavily and raising his brow at you expectantly. “What’s new with you, Sunshine? You look nearly as fucked up as I feel and as much as I know you love me, I’m not great company right now.”
“Hobi,” you said softly, biting back the hurt, “I love you.”
“I know,” he reassured, giving you a slightly more genuine smile. “But there is something, isn’t there? I can tell. Also, nothing ever happens here,” he gestured around the room, “so spill it, whatever it is.”
You chewed on your bottom lip and glanced around the room, trying to figure out the best way to go about this without word-vomiting the whole scenario again like you’d done to Namjoon. “Alright, so,” you began, “Jungkook and I started sleeping together.”
“About time.”
“And it was really great, like really, really great,” you said, “but I didn’t think anything more of it until the other night. Jungkook told me he’s in love with me and said he’s always been in love with me.”
“Knew that already.”
You frowned at him, but continued anyway, “And it hadn’t hit me before then, but I realized I’ve been in love with him this whole time too.”
“Sure did take you long enough, Sunshine.”
“Except,” you said, “I panicked and when he asked how I felt I didn’t say it back. I didn’t say anything.”
You watched his face crumple before he hung his head and sighed into his hands, “god damn it, Sunshine.”
“And now he’s gone and I don’t know where he went, Hobi. He’s even avoiding me at the hospital. We used to work the same Day/Night rotation and I asked around. He’s been trading shifts to avoid me,” you choked out, tears stinging at your eyes. “I can’t find him. I can’t tell him. I fucked up so badly, Hobi.”
Hoseok got up from his seat and stepped around the table to wrap his arms around you, pressing his cheek to yours, not caring if your tears smeared down the side of his face. He rubbed up and down your arms as he coaxed you, “hey, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay. It’ll be okay.”
“How do you know, Hobi,” you hiccuped between sobs, letting yourself lean into him harder. It wasn’t fair to let him comfort you like this - he was already going through so much - but you couldn’t help it. You were alone now, too.
Hoseok pulled away from you slightly, cupping your chin and tilting it up so you’d face him. He gave you the softest expression you’d seen from him yet and asked, “you really want to know how I know it’ll be okay, Sunshine?” You nodded your head, feeling your bottom lip tremble.
“Because he loves you as much as I loved her.”
~ ~ ~
The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end when you heard the lock to your apartment slide open. You pressed yourself deeper into the couch, holding your breath and listening to the slow, heavy thud of boots on the floor. Picking up on the faint sound of the door clicking shut, you squeezed your eyes closed, hoping whoever was there wouldn’t notice you, but those deliberate footfalls came closer.
“You’re not in your chair,” an achingly familiar, strained voice said.
You bolted upright, relief, and anger, and hurt, and hope bubbling to the surface - but it all those feelings died on your lips the second you laid eyes on him. You hadn’t expected to see him at all, let alone like this. Jungkook stood battered, bruised, and bloody before you, shirt torn, clutching his ribs. You lept to your feet and closed the distance between you, rapidly assessing the damage as he watched you through heavy-lidded eyes.
“If you think this is bad, then you should see the other four guys,” he joked humorlessly, tone as dry as bone. You didn’t react; you just looked at him, brows knit together in worry. He swallowed hard. Gesturing down at himself with the hand that wasn’t bracing his side, he explained, “I can’t go to work on Monday looking like this. I don’t have the supplies to fix my face and I don’t know how to cover up the rest. Please, help me.”
“I’ll go get my things,” you said, turning away before your heart could get crushed by cold look he was giving you.
Dragging an end table along with you, you took a seat across from him in one of the kitchen chairs and set up your kit. Going over the damage one more time - cut cheek and brow, bruised jaw and ribs, scraped knuckles, and busted lip (again) - you couldn’t help the heavy sigh that escaped you. “How do you keep ending up like this, Jungkook,” you asked, getting started by cleaning up the one on his cheek - because even small facial wounds could make a man look like a bloodbath - and gluing the skin together so that it would finally stop bleeding.
Jungkook tongued his cheek for a minute, a low rumble sounding in his chest as he thought over whether or not he wanted to answer you. “Your ex and his friends jumped me,” he finally said. You found your eyes drawn to his mouth as the smallest smirk tugged at his lips when he added, “guess he was still mad about the face full of blood, huh?”
You sucked your teeth and pursed your lips, burying the guilt that gnawed at you and training your eyes on the eyebrow gash, pulling the skin taut to apply the steri-strips and hold it closed. “I’m sorry about him,” you mumbled weakly, suddenly feeling your breath catch in your throat, “and about so much more.”
Turning away to grab the rest of your supplies, you just barely caught movement in your peripheral. Jungkook had leaned in so close that you could feel his breath against your cheek, hot and heady, and you felt yourself freeze for several long, long seconds. You felt your pulse quicken and thought you were too afraid to turn your head and meet his gaze, but you did it anyway. When you locked eyes with him, you knew you couldn’t look away even if you’d wanted to.
“Are you,” Jungkook asked, voice low, pupils blown out black, but from what you weren’t sure.
Then he slipped his hand out of his pocket and raised it so you could see what he held out of the corner of your eye: Jiyeon’s cell phone. Your lips parted when his thumb moved to tap the screen and even the rapid, heavy pounding of your heart wasn’t enough to drown out the sound of your own voice.
“Jiyeon, I messed up. I messed up so badly. I hurt him. I hurt Kookie. I was just so scared, I couldn’t speak, and now he’s gone and I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to tell him again. I feel it too. I love him. I’m so in love with him, Jiyeon, and it hurts so bad. I need him to know that I love him.”
Jungkook ended the clip and tilted his head to the side, watching you closely - so, so closely. That cold look from before was gone, replaced with something else entirely: something honest, something full of longing; something that burned and something that soothed. When he spoke, his voice was both commanding and soft, desperate to hear what you'd left unsaid straight from your mouth.
“Say it.”
“I love you,” you whispered, struggling to find your voice.
“Again,” he demanded, tongue darting out to wet his lips, fingers flexing, itching to touch you.
“I love you,” you repeated, louder and clearer this time.
Jungkook tossed the phone across the table and lunged toward you, grabbing you by the back of the head and toppling not only the end table, but the chair you were seated in to the floor in his desperation to crash his mouth to yours. He caught you both with his free arm, softening the blow to your back. The sting of his injuries, the groan rumbling in his chest, didn’t stop him from deepening the kiss and moaning into you. When he broke away it was far too soon, but with a smile and brightness in his eyes you hadn’t seen in so, so long.
“Say it again," he laughed, stroking his thumb over your lips. He couldn't get over the feeling of hearing you say it because those three simple words had somehow come together to form the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.
“I love you,” you repeated, and he barely gave you enough time to comply before he pulled you back in for more and you, too, couldn’t help but grin in between the kisses. You wrapped your arms around him, clasping your fingers behind his neck, and realized that there were tears on your cheeks, but you weren’t sure if they were yours or his.
Jungkook dragged you both forward onto the kitchen floor and into a less precarious position, kissing along your neck and jaw the entire time, murmuring into your skin, “I love you, I love you so, so much.” He wished he had the words to tell you, to show you, just how much.
You don’t know how long the two of you laid there saying it again and again in between kisses, hands roaming everywhere, but eventually his mouth became hungrier, hands gripping you harder, like he wanted to devour you. You cried out when he bit your shoulder and he slotted his thigh between yours, flexing the muscle and grinding it into you. He growled when you bucked your hips against him and couldn't help thrusting back into you, his long, hard cock pressing into your stomach.
Jungkook nuzzled into your neck and let his lips brush the shell of your ear as he said, “I need you. I need you so fucking badly.” He rolled his hips into you again and pushed his thigh against your core harder. “I need to be inside of you, need to feel all of you.”
Jungkook kissed, and licked, and bit his way down to your chest, fisting the material of your shirt in his hands, and then he ripped it apart and tossed the tattered cloth to the side. He glanced up at you and smirked as you gasped, meeting your gaze with a dark look before lowering his mouth to your breasts and sucking a hard nipple into his mouth. You arched your back and he took the opportunity to shove your pants and underwear down to your thighs.
Wasting no time, he slipped hand between your legs and barely gave you time to adjust to one, two, three fingers spreading you open before he was pumping them in and out of you hard and fast. He rubbed the heel of his palm into your clit, encouraging you to lift and roll your hips against him, all while he licked and sucked and dragged your nipples through his teeth.
"I can't fucking wait to have you," he hissed through clenched teeth when he felt your cunt pulse around his fingers even tighter, "can't wait to feel you squeezing my cock like this."
Jungkook knew your body so well, knew you were close, and so he crashed his mouth back down to yours, letting you moan and whimper into the kiss. He broke away when your first orgasm hit, wanting to watch your face as you came undone, and he couldn't help the needy whine forming in his own throat as he thrust himself into your hip."Fuck, you're so fucking beautiful, Y/N," he praised, "I love you so fucking much."
He didn't wait for your first orgasm to end, choosing instead to keep on finger fucking you into another. As much as he wanted to bury himself inside you, he needed to see you cum a second time even more because once was never enough. Jungkook curled his fingers into that sensitive spot inside you, again and again, until you felt that hot coil snap and your vision nearly went black from the pleasure.
“Oh, fuck,” Jungkook moaned out, looking down to where he was still thrusting his fingers in and out of you. A part of him wished he'd had his tongue on your clit instead of on your neck, but with the way his cock throbbed at feeling you squirt all over his hand and arm, he might've just cum from that alone.
He leaned back on his heels and tugged your soaked clothes off of you, ripping his own shirt off over his head afterward. He ran his tongue over his teeth and cocked his head when he met your gaze, smirk playing across his face, “never seen you do that before, Sunshine.”
~ ~ ~
Jungkook watched, jaw slack, as you leaned backward on the bed and beckoned him toward you. He still couldn't believe this was happening - that you loved him back and he'd finally get to have you like this - and kept thinking he'd wake up any minute now. This was a dream, you were a dream, he was certain, but then you spread yourself open for him - like you had that first time - and begged, "Kookie, please, I need to feel you in me."
He let his eyes roam from your face, all the way down your body, to where you were dripping wet for him and couldn’t help the groan that escaped him. “So fucking beautiful - all of you,” he said, dipping down between your thighs to swipe his tongue up your cunt, making you grab him by the hair and buck your hips up against his mouth. He laughed in response, circling your clit with his tongue a few times before climbing over you and pulling you both further up the bed. His mouth and tongue were so wet, so hot, you almost forgot about how badly you wanted him to split you open with his cock - how full, and stretched, and complete you'd feel with him inside you.
You whimpered at the loss of his mouth on your clit, but then he brought his lips to your neck and sucked bruises into your skin, speaking so softly it sent chills down your spine, “I need to feel you too badly to eat you out right now, Sunshine, but I had to have a taste. So fucking good.”
“I need you too, Kookie,” you whined, rolling your hips up into him, “please Please, please fuck me.”
"I want to do so much more than just fuck you," he said, "I wanna make you mine, wanna give you all of me."
"Then take me, Kookie, cause I'm already yours."
“Look at me,” he begged, holding himself up on one arm while he reached down to line himself up with your entrance. Staring into his eyes, you didn't know if you felt lost in them or found. Either way, you knew he saw you, all of you, and loved you anyway. You wrapped your arms around his neck and ran your fingers through his hair, jaw falling open as he pushed himself inside you. Jungkook moaned at the feeling of you clenching around his cock and waited for you adjust to the burning stretch by pressing kisses to your forehead, your cheeks, your lips - though with how tight you clung to him, he didn't know if he could pull back out just yet even if he tried. Between every glide and pull of his lips against yours, he whispered affirmations into your skin.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much. So fucking perfect. So beautiful.”
The girth of his cock stung, but he still felt so incredible inside you, the way he filled you making you feel whole, so you lifted your hips to meet him and encouraged him to continue, saying it back, "I love you."
Jungkook set a slow, steady pace, fucking his entire length into you on each thrust, rolling his pelvis in circles to rub against your clit in a way that had you whimpering into his mouth. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into yours, deepening the kiss as he brought a hand up to cup your jaw.
It was taking everything not to piston himself in and out of you at a harder, faster pace, desperate to cum inside of you, to feel your mingled juices dripping down his cock and balls. He knew he'd stay inside you as long as it took for him to grow hard again, just so that he could fuck his cum out of your cunt and fill you up again.
Jungkook wanted to have you every kind of way he could, wanted to feel you orgasm on his cock again and again until you were writhing, crying, completely broken and spent from the pleasure, from the oversensitivity, and then he wanted to hold you, whisper his love for you into your ear until you drifted off to sleep, and wake you up tomorrow to do it all over again. He wanted you entirely - everything you could give - because he'd give it all back and then give even more. But there was time to ruin you and be ruined by you later and he would spend the rest of his life loving you every way he could figure out how if you'd let him.
For now, for this first time with you, Jungkook wanted to make sure he savored every moment. He'd commit every sultry moan, every flutter of your cunt around him, every breathy and sweet, "I love you" you gave him to memory because if he was ever blessed with the ability to relive one memory again and again for the rest of his life, then this would be it.
But the ache in his ribs was preventing him from making love to you how he wanted to and you had noticed the way he winced after one particularly forceful thrust. You wanted him, all of him, and he’d been so careful with you that you didn't want him to get hurt either. You caressed the side of his face and said, “let me ride you, Kookie.”
Jungkook rolled the two of you over without pulling out - he couldn't bear the thought of leaving you even for a second, and let out a low, needy moan when you sat up. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, taking in the arousal and adoration in your eyes, the slow roll of your hips onto him, the spot where you were connected - where he could see you clinging to his cock as you lifted yourself up and down on his length. You were breathtaking. He squeezed your hips appreciatively and brought his thumb to his mouth, dragging the flat of his tongue over the pad so he could glide it smoothly over your clit, rubbing small circles against you in time with your thrusts.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, so fucking perfect,” he praised, raising his hips off the bed to fuck himself into you even deeper while he enjoyed the show. But it wasn’t enough. Even now, buried to the fucking hilt inside you, he felt as if he couldn’t feel enough of you. He needed more - he always needed more when it came to you.
So, Jungkook sat up and lifted your hips to rest against his thighs, supporting your back with one hand while you adjusted to wrap your legs around him. The new position had deepened the angle of penetration and his cock was hitting parts of you you didn't even know you had. With one arm around his neck, the other gripping his shoulders, you thrust your hips in time with him, rocking you both closer to your end. He dragged your bottom lip through his teeth and ran his free hand down from your neck to squeeze your breasts, gently pinching and pulling at your nipples. Realizing you were close when he felt you clamping down around him even harder, he growled into your neck.
Jungkook needed you to cum with him so badly and it hurt to hold himself back, but he needed to see you, feel you, hit that peak when he spilled himself inside you. “I’m gonna fucking cum, Y/N, cum with me, please, I wanna feel you,” he whined, carding his fingers through your hair and pressing his forehead to yours. “Cum for me.”
And you did, so fucking hard when you felt his cock swell and release, pulsing around him as he filled you up, so hot, so thick, inside of you. You clawed down his back and he threw his head into the crook of your neck, saying your name over and over like a prayer on his lips until you both came down.
You stayed liked that, a mess of sweat and tangled limbs, laughing, and smiling, and whispering sweet nothings to each other until you were ready to go again.
~ ~ ~
You woke up to Jungkook kissing your neck; he’d lightly nip and suck at the skin there, then run his tongue along whatever small bruises he’d made there. Trying to turn toward him only to find he held you flush against him by your waist, you mumbled, “Kookie, I don’t think I can go again this morning. Too sore.”
Jungkook hummed an amused sound and slid his hand up your stomach to squeeze your breasts and roll your nipples between his fingers. You rubbed your thighs together, already aching for friction. "Maybe I just want to touch you," he said before licking a hot path up your neck. His cock throbbed against your ass and you rolled your eyes, but couldn't help laughing.
"Yeah, sure," you replied, "that sounds awfully familiar to what you said the last time. I don't know if I'll ever walk normally again.' You knew he was smirking even before he pushed himself up so he could lean over you.
Jungkook cupped you jaw and lowered his lips to yours, sighing into the kiss; you felt him twitch against you again, but he made no move to press you further, instead parting from you just enough to say, "I love you."
"I love you too, Kookie. So much."
"I know it was hard getting here, Sunshine," he said, pausing to press his lips to yours once again, "and I know we've both got pieces of ourselves missing, but I need you to know that I love you with every part of me that's left."
You felt your heart ache and so you reached up to caress his face as you asked, "should we go tell her today, Kookie? That we finally figured it out."
"Yeah, let's tell her together," he answered. "I think she'd like that best. If she was still here, then she'd want to be the first person to know about us."
~ ~ ~
You wondered if things felt brighter at the cemetery because the sun was out or if it was something more than that. Jungkook was by your side, holding your hand and even though you both still shook as you approached the tombstone, that desperation from the first time you'd brought him here was gone. You felt stronger - braver, even - with him here with you like this and you could tell he felt the same. It still hurt and you knew there was a part of you that you'd never get back because it belonged to her, but being with Jungkook like this, being together, made you feel greater than the sum of your parts.
"We've got something to tell you, Jiyeon," Jungkook started for you, "but I know you already knew about it. It was a twin thing, right? You, realizing over a decade before me that I've been madly in love with her our whole lives?"
You felt a smile curl at the corners of your mouth despite the tears welling in your eyes and added, "And it wasn't just him you knew about either, huh? You had realized that I Ioved him too. I'm sorry we were so blind and stupid. I wish we could've figured it out while you were still here. I look back on it now and can see how hard you tried to show us how ridiculous we were being." You chewed your bottom lip and laughed, "wish I could've gotten you that 'in-law status' sooner, but I hope you knew you were always like a sister to me anyway."
Jungkook gave your hand a small, gentle squeeze and continued, "it's been so hard without you here. It hurts so fucking much and every time I wake up I wonder how I can face another day without you, another day alone." He brought the back of your hand to his mouth and held it there, trying to collect himself before speaking again."But I'm not alone anymore, Jiyeon, and neither is she. I promise you that we'll take care of each other. We'll help each other when the days seem like they're too much to bear. We'll do our best to make each day a little brighter, a little easier for one another. So, wherever you are - if you're somehow listening right now - I need you to know we'll get through this and anything else that might happen together, just the way you always wanted us to. Wherever you are, you don't need to worry anymore. We're not alone. We have each other."
~ ~ ~
Throughout the next few weeks, you found yourself working with Jungkook to clean up Jiyeon's room and pack away some of her things.
He'd been caught unaware by the sight of the bookshelf - you hadn't been back in here since that first night - and it had resulted in a lengthy and painful discussion about what had happened the night you called Jiyeon's cell phone. Admittedly, the way he'd cupped your face and pulled you to him, crashing his mouth to yours in a desperately needy hungry kiss, apologizing between breaths for hurting you like that had actually made you feel even guiltier for how you had reacted on the night he'd confessed; you'd hurt him first and it didn't feel fair for him to apologize for reacting the way he had. You told him as much, but he hushed you and dragged you back into your bedroom, saying, "we have our whole lives to make it up to each other and we can start now."
You cleaned out a lot over the course of a few weeks. A lot of her stuff were things that could be packed up and donated; you both agreed Jiyeon would've liked that. You didn't get rid of everything though, choosing to sift through her belongings and pick out whatever held sentimental value, no matter how small or insignificant those things may have seemed - because they weren't insignificant to you at all.
The photographs, once you'd cleaned them up and got them reframed, were an obvious choice. You divvied them up amongst Jungkook, Hoseok, and yourself, making sure you took the time to think back on each memory and the perfect moments they captured.
There were other things you found too. There was a music box that played a soft, beautiful melody and Jungkook admitted that he and Jiyeon used to sing it to each other before bed or when one of them was upset. He sang it to you then, soothing the ache in your soul.
There was a stuffed bear that you knew Hobi had won for her on their first date and you knew he'd want it; it was a reminder of the day they fell in love and every moment they had spent together since. They hadn't had enough time with one another, of course, and had been robbed of the certain future they'd planned together far too soon. You knew he'd always miss her, and you knew he'd never stop loving her, but you hoped there would come a day when Hobi could look at the bear and smile, grateful for the once-in-a-lifetime love they'd shared for the time it had lasted.
And there was a small, pretty rock too. To anyone else it was just a colorful, smooth chunk of stone, but to you it was so much more. You'd given it to her on the very first day she'd moved in next door. It had been a questionable first attempt at befriending her and, truth be told, even if she'd kept it, it didn't exactly work. But you had kept at it, kept bugging her, until both she and her twin brother had caved in, letting you weasel your way into their world. Giving her that rock might've been the best choice you'd ever made.
These were all small, simple things, but they were treasures you wouldn't give up for the world. It was still hard to go through them, of course; almost as hard as it had been coping with the feelings you'd been left with since you lost Jiyeon. You supposed that you had put off doing it for so long because you were afraid of saying goodbye to the best friend you'd ever had. It had taken time, lots of tears, and discovering the love that had been right in front of you for you to realize that this wasn't saying goodbye to her after all. Not really.
It was letting go of enough of the pain that you could remember the past fondly. It was acknowledging that putting away her things wasn't betraying her, but enabling yourself to finally accept her death. It was taking a moment and admitting to yourself that you are allowed to heal from the loss. It was realizing that, more than anything else, she would want you to.
It was finally letting her rest.