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Mary’s death was an accident. The other deaths, Jack had thought he was doing a good thing. Creating new angels, which Heaven badly needed, if what Naomi had told Castiel was true. All of this, everything that pointed to Jack having gone dark side, was a misunderstanding. This plan hadn’t felt right to Sam all along, and now? How could he go through with this?
On the other hand, would Jack forgive that he intended to betray him? With his soul, Sam would never have asked that question – although if Jack had his soul, Sam would never have had to. Without the soul, what would happen? Would finding out Sam had meant to betray him be the push that drove him over the edge into really becoming the monster Dean had always feared? The one they still had no way to take down?
Jesse Turner had understood the fear. He’d forgiven the lies and the manipulation Sam had gone along with Dean trying to pull. He’d understood Castiel’s desire to kill him, and although he could easily have killed Castiel or left him as an action figure, he didn’t. Jesse had taken off and Sam and Dean had never heard from him again, but maybe they should see about tracking him down. Find out what had happened to him after the Apocalypse. Even if his powers were gone, he could still relate to Jack in a way that no one else, even Sam, could.
Out of old habit, Sam reached for his left hand with his right, pressing his thumb into the palm. His hallucinations of Lucifer were gone, but the gesture still gave him a measure of comfort, a feeling of control. As part of that, he felt the ring on his third finger, too. A reminder that he wasn’t alone, that even when Dean was questioning him, Castiel was beside him.
Castiel. He didn’t have a soul, and yet, it had never occurred to Sam to question whether he was capable of love, forgiveness, empathy, or kindness. The ring on his hand was proof that he was. There hadn’t been a proper wedding or anything, but it was still enough to give Sam the courage to do this.
He glanced quickly over at Dean. He’d have to do this without Dean cluing in, or Dean would interrupt and make things worse.
Jack? Jack, this is a trap. I’m sorry. Get out of here, go to Castiel or somewhere you feel safe, but if you stay here, things are going to get bad. Dean wants to put you in the box he built to hold Michael. He’s grieving for Mom and lashing out, and we misunderstood the situation. I’m sorry, and I’ll answer whatever you want once I know you’re safe.
“Sam?”
Sam quickly looked over at Dean, who was frozen with a hand up and his mouth open as if he were lecturing Jack on something. “Jack? What did you do?”
“Time is frozen for everyone except for you and me. I’ll unfreeze it when I leave or when I’m ready to talk to Dean again.” Jack took a couple steps toward Sam. “I want answers now. I’m safe. I know not to go in the box, and I can be on Mars before Dean recovers from the freeze.”
“Fair enough,” Sam had to admit. “What do you want to ask first?”
“You said you wanted us to be a family again, things to be like they were before. I could feel the sincerity in that. How did you lie to me through prayer?”
Sam closed his eyes momentarily, unable to take the heartbreak and betrayal in his son’s eyes, but he forced himself to open them and look Jack in the eye when he answered. “I didn’t, exactly. I do want to be a family again. I do want things to be like they were before. I just… left out the part where I want a lot of things I can’t have, and I thought this was one of them. If it is now, if you can’t forgive me for going along with this…” Sam shook his head, but managed to say, “I get it. I’m sorry.”
“This trap… this was Dean’s idea?” Jack asked. “How were you going to get me to go in the box?”
“We were going to tell you we were close to a way to restore your soul, and that we wanted to keep you safe from anything else like what happened… like what happened to Mom.”
“That was an accident,” Jack said. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I cared about her, a lot!”
“I know,” Sam said, reaching out a hand to put on Jack’s shoulder before thinking better of it and letting it drop. “I know you didn’t mean to, but that’s all the more reason. If you can’t control it, what happens if you get in a fight with Dean? With Cas? With me?”
Jack stared at Sam’s hand. “You hate me so much now you can’t even touch me?”
“What? No, Jack, I don’t hate you. Dean doesn’t hate you, he’s just pissed about Mom, and…” Sam could feel the tears starting to well up, and he swallowed hard. “You’re mad at me, and if you’re not, you should be. Dean couldn’t have even started this trap without me. I let him convince me that this was the only way. When I’m mad at someone, the last thing I want is to let them touch me.”
“I’m mad, but mostly, I’m confused. I just want to understand, Sam. Even when all you knew about me was that I was Lucifer’s son, that I’d gotten your mom and Castiel killed, you were scared of me but you still took me in. You cared about me. What’s changed?”
“That rift opening when you were born, you didn’t know that would happen and couldn’t help it even if you had known. This time, I thought…”
“You thought I killed Mary on purpose?”
This time, Sam couldn’t do it. He couldn’t meet Jack’s eyes as he nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you, but I spent a year and a half soulless. If Dean and Cas had been ten seconds later, I would have killed Bobby – our universe’s Bobby, someone who’d been like a father to me. Like Mom was family to you. I had what, without a soul, seemed like a good reason. If something happened, if you thought you had a good reason why Mom needed to die…”
Jack nodded, but he tilted his head. “If you know how to fix a missing soul, why didn’t you do that with mine right away?”
“It’s not the same. My soul hadn’t been burned off or anything like that, it was just not in my body. I’d gone to Hell, and Cas was able to get my body out, but got tricked into leaving my soul behind. Fixing it was just a matter of getting my soul out of hell and putting it back in.” The rest was details, unimportant details, ones Jack didn’t need to know right now. “Now that I know killing Mom was an accident, the difference between now and when we first met is that I know you’re a good person, that you want to be the hero, not the bad guy. Now, we’ve had two years to build a relationship. I trust you enough to warn you about the trap.”
Jack’s eyes welled up as well. “Dean wants me dead. He told me he’d kill me, if I went bad, and I killed Mary. He’s willing to ignore the two years we’ve built up a relationship.”
“Dean’s…” Sam tried to find the words to explain. Dean’s acceptance had always meant so much to Jack; telling Jack that he was less family to Dean than Mary was not likely to go over well. “He’s angry. He’s never quite seen you the way Cas and I do, and you know that. I don’t know what’s going to happen when you unfreeze him, but it’s not going to be pretty.”
Jack’s eyes flashed gold, but when the flash subsided, the tears were flowing. He held out his arms to Sam. “Father?”
Now Sam couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. He stepped into Jack’s arms, hugging his son tight. “Yes, Jack. I’m your dad. I’m so sorry I did this to you.” He closed his eyes, feeling the love and the forgiveness Jack was screaming at him.
“—ack, we’re wor… what the HELL?” Sam’s eyes snapped open at the sound of Dean’s voice. He looked at Jack, who gave him a tiny nod. He’d unfrozen time on purpose. “Sam, a word?”
“Sure. The word is no. You know I was never happy about this plan, and now that we know Mom’s death was an accident, I am not letting you lock Jack up.”
“What about all the other deaths, huh? He’s killing people, Sam! What, is he warping your mind like he did to Cas?”
“I’m…” Jack paused, looking up at Sam. “Castiel was not happy when he found out about what I’m doing for Heaven. He wanted me out of there. Is this one of those things where I should listen to him?”
“Probably,” Sam said. “I won’t know until he gets back here and can explain it to us, but Cas usually has pretty good judgment.”
“Really? Cas? Good judgment?” Dean snapped. “Like breaking open Purgatory?”
“Dean, it’s been years. Let it go.” It wouldn’t do much good, but Sam could hope that over time the little bits of good could add up. “You’re mad, I get it, but I’ve already lost Mom. I’m not letting you make me lose Jack, too.”
“‘Make’ you lose Jack?” Dean parroted. “I’m not making you do anything. You agreed to the plan. You were on board. This wouldn’t have worked if you weren’t!”
“You didn’t make me do anything, no, but now, you would be. Go throw a chair if it’ll make you feel better, but Jack’s not getting in that box.” Sam’s arms tightened around Jack protectively. “When Cas gets back, we’ll figure out where we go from here.”
Dean stormed off, slamming the door behind him. Jack looked up at Sam, squinting as he flinched. “What’s wrong?”
“PTSD, probably. Loud noises like that, when someone’s angry, scare me. Don’t worry about it, it’s over now.”
Jack nodded and pulled away from the hug, wrapping his arms around himself instead. “There’s one more thing you should probably know. I hope it won’t change your mind about me. Since… since the accident… I’ve been hearing Lucifer. Seeing him talk to me.”
Sam fought down the wave of panic. Lucifer was dead. All the way dead, never coming back. “Are you hearing him now?”
Jack nodded. “He’s been trying to tell me that you and Dean and Castiel would never forgive me for Mary’s death. Now he’s trying to tell me that this was all part of the plan, that you’re trying to get me to let my guard down and be family again so that you can kill me.”
“Okay. He’s not real, somehow?”
“Not that I know of,” Jack said in a very small voice. “What if he is, though? What if somehow, since I’m his son, a piece of him fused into me?”
Once again, Sam had to wait for the panic to subside. “There’s a thing, I know you’ve seen it in some of the comics you read, where every person has an angel and a devil on their shoulder? In your case, maybe it’s a little more literal than most, but still. Even if, somehow, that is the real Lucifer talking to you, all he can do is talk. You don’t have to listen. You know what he is now, what he’s like. You can fight him. You can say no. If you need reassurance, Cas and I will be here for you. If something changes, if you start thinking he’s doing more than just talking, we’ll figure something out, okay? We always do. But we need you to tell us about it.”
“Okay. Thank you.” Jack let his arms drop. “Sam? Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why were you in Hell? You shouldn’t have been, ever.”
“It’s… it’s a really long story that I don’t have the ability to deal with right now, okay?” Jack flinched, but he nodded. “I promise, I’ll tell you more once I’ve had a chance to work through all of the emotions and stuff from the last couple days, okay? The short version: I had to go to stop Lucifer from destroying the world.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I’m glad you got out.” Jack looked up. “We’re good? You and me… you forgive me for accidentally killing your mom?”
“And you forgive me for trying to trap you in the box. We’re good.” A loud clattering and the sound of glass shattering reached them. “You’ll probably want to avoid Dean for a while, though.”